Belonging

A friend recently shared with me two wonderful songs.  One comes from movie, The Greatest Show on Earth,  "This is Me."  and the other from the Broadway musical,  Dear Evans Hanson, "You Will Be Found". The songs are powerful in their message. It is all about our authentic self, not being afraid of our differences, and the need to belong to one another. 

Belonging. 

What is it about the need to belong that shapes how people behave? The more I meet and speak with people, the more I realize that everyone in some way or another feels that they do not belong.  It seems as if belonging is equated with normal and so we wonder if we don't  feel that we belong are we  "normal"?  We define normal as conforming to a standard or the usual, typical condition. 

It also seems as if even those who appear to belong struggle with that meaning.  With the advent of Facebook you can really see that struggle. Those who "belong"  have created a facade of what a belonged person should be.  They create a superficial standard and before you know it, there is an in and out group.  With most people feeling "out".  A keeping up with the Kardashian type mentality. 

The thing is, no one truly belongs.  We all feel separated from each other.   That is one of the greatest lies that the deceiver promotes.  He wants to divide and conquer us.  We start believing we are alone and therefore not normal.  The more we believe that lie, the more isolated we feel.  Isolation (different from being alone) is not good.  It can lead to irrational thinking, harmful behavior of the individual and of others. I am reminded that the only time God said His creation wasn't good was in creating man without companionship or community. It was good when God created human relationship- Adam and Eve. God designed us to live in community and with a sense of belonging. 

Being different is not a criteria for being excluded. Not being part of the "norm" shouldn't hinder us from belonging.  Quite the contrary. Being different is necessary for us to live in community.  Think of it as a potluck dinner.  The best potluck dinners are those in which everyone brings their best or favorite dish.  All those wonderful flavors make up a great meal. If everyone brought the same dish or even the same type of dish say, just desserts we would soon tire of the menu at best. If that was the only type of food we could eat (desserts all the time), we would become ill at worst. 

I do believe that there is a place for all in God's community. His love for us is so strong that He will and has done everything to bring us back to Him in community, even to the point of sacrificing His own son so that we can belong.  Unfortunately that great grace that He has shown to us, we forget to show others.  We forget that God has said it is good for someone who is different to belong in community.   Instead we have created those superficial standards to determine who is in and who is out.  And that is not good.

How can we embrace into community those around us?  Sometimes it is hard.  Sometimes those who are different are hard to understand, are difficult to love and can be burdensome.  Yet it is imperative for us to do so.  Now more than ever.  

Perhaps one step is to not play the comparison game.  If we don't keep up with the Kardashians we don't have to continually strive for something we are not.  We can be grateful for what we have and who we are. 

Another step is to accept that we are loved by God just as we are. If He knows the very hairs on our heads and how we are uniquely and wonderfully made, we can have the confidence that He knows us, warts, scars and all, and still loves us. 

Then we can concentrate on developing our unique gifts and what we bring to the collective community table.  When we recognize that we have something to offer, we can be more generous with others- what do they have to offer?  We do not have to be threatened by someone's difference but celebrate it. 

What about you?  Have you ever felt that you were "outside looking in" on the collective human experience?  Have you ever be on the inside?  Did you feel a sense of belonging?  Have you ever included someone "different" into your social sphere?  How did that go?   What makes you different and unique?  How can you celebrate that?  

How can you make someone else feel that they belong today?

All I Need to Know... I Learned From My Dogs.

Professor Marley

Lately it occurred to me that I have been struggling against life.  Not one particular strife but life in general and not a huge struggle but large enough to prevent me from doing what I need to do.  I can get myself all tangled up in thoughts:  Why do I get so overworked over something that in the long run doesn't  mean anything?  And then I get worked up for getting worked up.  Why can I not be content?  Why do I waste time by wasting my time worrying and kvetching over things I cannot control?  I feel like a protagonist in a Woody Allen movies - so much angst and mental turmoil over nothing.  

As is many things, I learn about life through the life of our dogs. I see how our dogs behave and I realize that I am doing the same in a human way. 

They loathe getting a bath, especially Marley. If he sees his littermate being carted down stairs, collar taken off and hears the water running, he will hide behind the nearest chair.   Something that should only take a few minutes (they are small dogs after all) can be extended for seemingly hours and can result in water going everywhere.  Once he gets "caught" from his hiding place, he squirms, tries to get out of the stationary tub, and in general makes it very difficult with his struggling.  If he would just relax and let me give him the bath, the process would be so much easier and I think he would even find it enjoyable.

Looking back on the meandering path of my life choices, I see all the times that I tried running away and hiding or struggled in my situation. Some times I seemed to have control over my path's direction and other times I found myself on a path not of my choosing. Sometimes my response to life's choices  was influenced by the calm or frenetic response of others while other times I felt that I couldn't help myself in my response.  Either way, it is my choice on how I respond. I may not have control over the direction but I do have control on how I travel in that direction. 

Lately I just felt a sense of peace, calm and understanding. I can relate to the Hebrew wisdom, "Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad."  When I feel the anxiety bubbling up and taking over, I think of Jesus' words, "...do not be anxious about your life."  In fact Jesus has a fair amount to say about anxiety/ worry and it involves all aspects of our lives: our physical possessions and our emotional/spiritual well-being.  

I realized that it is all about relaxing and not struggling with the hand that is dealt us.  It is such a waste of time.  I think of how many lessons that I had to revisit because I wasn't listening or understanding due to my squirming and whining, "Why is this happening?  It is not fair."  "Why? Why? Why?" It seemed that all my wrestling with God involved "not getting what I think I deserve".  Thank goodness for God's mercy and that I  do not get what I deserve.  Jesus reminds us that all we need to do is seek the Kingdom of God and everything else will fall into place. 

Looking back I realize so many times I just didn't get it.   At the time, the things that caused me to be all hot and bothered have not been significant at all.  They are just distant and fleeting thoughts.  I am painfully aware of this when I meet extended family members or distant friends.  They might ask me how is so and so or how is the situation?  I have to furrow my brow and think back, "What are they talking about?"  Situations that, at the time, seemed so important are relegated to the recesses of my mind. 

What about you?  Do you worry over your worry?  Is your life filled with angst?  Looking back, what were some of your concerns- 10 years ago?  5 years ago?  1 year ago?  Do you remember what it was?  What can you do to be content?  What are you seeking? 

I pray that I am entering a new stage.  A stage where I can just relax and enjoy where I am, what I am doing and with whom.  I am actively trying to be present for all that I am doing. Which is what Jesus is saying with His wisdom in Matthew 6. 

 All the angst, all the worry and the extra worry of the original worry have done nothing in helping me achieve any goals.  It just prolongs the agony and makes a huge mess. 

Just like Marley's bath. 

It is Not Too Late...

In some ways I cannot believe that it is August 15th.  We are half-way through August and soon, September and the fall rush will be upon us.  I don't know about you, but every summer about this time of year I think, "Oh gosh.  I was going to do so much this summer and didn't.  Just wait to next year."  With this type of thinking I have already written off the summer when technically we still have almost five weeks left of summer and still two/three weeks before "back to school". 

I have found that procrastination thinking gets me depressed because I know that next year will come and go and I will once again not do all that I wanted.   Or the real crux of the matter, not enjoy all that I wanted.  I have decided to not wait until next year, but do something in the remaining time of this season.   Generally what I want to do involves enjoying the season:  to take advantage of the warm weather,  to continue that unhurried vacation feeling, and to be truly present in whatever the activity.  

Some Ideas:

• Treat yourself like you are on vacation: Pre-arrange dinner (an easy one- cooked rotisserie chicken , salad bar and fruit) so that you don't have to fuss or think about it come dinnertime.  Put aside your electronic devices when you come home from work. 
• Dine al fresco: breakfast, lunch and dinner.
• After dinner, sit on the porch (or stoop, patio, deck, yard)  and have a chat with your family, friends or neighbors.  Ask other questions than just "How was your day"? 
  • Suggestions:  What was one thing that you were passionate about as a kid?  How did you envision your adult life?  What was one book that inspired you?  Why?  What is your go-to song to feel upbeat?
• Invite neighbors, friends or family over for some games.  Either outdoor ones- badminton, croquet, bocce, corn hole. water balloon battle.  Or indoor ones: Taboo, Sorry, Settlers of Catan, Chronology, Balderdash, any card game.
• Go star-gazing- either set out a blanket in your yard or go to a park, beach, country- some area outside of the city lights. 
• Take in a drive-in movie  (as a word of caution for those of a certain age- be prepared to be exhausted the next day- those movies go into the night!)
• Visit a local farmers' market or craft fair. 
• Visit local ethnic festivals.  Plan on eating something new to you.
• Check out local outdoor concerts- with many, you can pack a picnic dinner to enjoy during the music.
• Spend a day lulling about just reading books (either outside under a tree or snuggled in chair/bed inside).  Check out goodreads.com for some suggestions.
• Organize that Fibber McGee closet  (you know the one I mean).  It will give you a jump start on the fall.  
• Visit a local or state park. Check online to see what is in your locale and see what special programs, talks or walks that they might be offering.  
• Call and set up that breakfast, lunch or dinner date with the friend that has been on your mind.
• Put impromptu floral arrangements throughout your home (bathroom, bedroom, kitchen). Cut garden flowers, foliage or wildflowers from roadside (mind the poison ivy) and place in glass jars (clean, empty jelly or other recycled ones are fun). 

What about you?  What would you add to the list?  Do you put things off?  If so, why?  Do you resign yourself to waiting to next year?  

Recently I found this pillow.  It is in my office, reminding me each day:

"No Accountin' for Taste..."

Vivien Oswell's,  Little Petunia in an Onion Patch

All art should inspire and make us think about life in a different way.  This little artwork does so for me.   Currently it is hanging in front of me as I sit at my desk. I know that it is an odd image (as my brother-in-law would say, no accountin' for taste...) but the whole process of acquiring the painting, the life and value of the artist and the subject itself speaks to me and encourages me. 

I know that it is not very aesthetically pleasing.  But some things in life are not.  As much as we want things to be otherwise, we can get stuck in the muck and dirt.  It can be very humbling especially when we picture ourselves as a beautiful flower in an idyllic setting and think we are above the mud.  The reality is that we are more in the dirt than we think.  Humble and humus come from the same root words- from the earth. Humility is not a weak character trait;  it is one that cultivates growth. The painting reminds me to be humble in all my endeavors.

Sometimes we are placed in situations that just don't seem to fit.  We are flowers that for whatever reason- circumstances, choices, temperament- we find ourselves growing in a totally unlikely place. We may want to cry over our situation but we can also think of our placement as necessary.  Necessary to maintain balance for ourselves- remaining humble despite what we think we deserve.   Necessary for others to see life in a different way- one can bloom even when the environment seems hostile.  We are called to make the best out of our lives and sometimes we have to live that adage, not just say it. 

The artist always felt that her talent was God's gift to her.  She has been faithful to that gift most of her life, continuing to paint even in her nineties. I first saw this painting three years ago when I had strolled into an artist's guild studio in one of the little villages on the Cape.  At the guild, each artist takes a turn at the sales desk so on the day I visited, Vivien happened to be behind the desk.  I liked her other paintings but was struck by the oddity of this subject, flower and onions against her boating, beach and floral scenes.  When I asked her about it, she said that she wanted to try something different.  She even sang the song to me, "I'm a Lonely Little Petunia in an Onion Patch" on which the picture was based. We had a lovely conversation about art, the sense of calling and how one needs to persevere in the art practice.  At the time I debated purchasing the painting.  It wasn't "attractive" so I didn't.  Yet over the last three years, I would think about it and think of Vivien.  I would recall her story and it would encourage me.  "Next time I am at the Cape I need to see if I can get it." 

The original sheet music. Click here to hear it.

This year, I decided to go back to the guild and purchase it.  When we went in, we found Ms. Oswell's collection but this painting wasn't there on the wall.   I was so disappointed.   When I asked the artist in attendance about the painting and if Ms. Oswell was still painting (I didn't want to ask if she was still alive, for she is 95 after all)  she said that Vivien had suffered a cardiac incident but was recovering at home. She then suggested that I contact Ms. Oswell to ask her about that specific painting.  When I finally got up the courage to call her (it is daunting to contact an artist, especially one not well), Ms. Oswell answered the phone and said to come on over to her house/studio. She was all excited saying she had the original.  We made an appointment to meet at her house.  When we got there, she was up, alert and didn't look at all that she had any health issues.  She was sitting in her living room/art gallery.  There were wooden bins of prints and paintings all around the perimeter.  Various sized canvases were stacked against the wall.  There appeared to be hundreds of her works scattered all around.    She proudly showed us a painting of a bowl of petunias. While the painting was beautiful it was not the one I wanted.   I was crestfallen!

I then asked- what about the one with the petunia in the onion patch?  Generally I am not that bold as to make specific requests of others but at that point, I was not going to let any stone be unturned.  She thought for a moment and then immediately sprang out of her chair- no walker for her- and sorted through a collection of paintings leaning against her fireplace and produced it.  I felt such relief,  joy and satisfaction in purchasing it.  

Sometimes we need to pursue that which inspires us and makes us happy.  The item might not be hanging where we first saw it and so we have to ask questions and do a little digging.  We need to pursue those inspirations because we need reminders of why we are doing what we are doing.  We may find ourselves feeling out of sorts and in the wrong place so we need that encouragement of a word, a quote or even a picture. And sometimes we need to remain where we are and bloom regardless of how things are situated around us. 

What about you?  Have you ever been inspired by a painting, picture, quote or word?  What was it?  Why do you think that it struck a chord with you?   

Another Vivien Oswell's in our upstairs hallway.

Wrestling with God

There are some Bible stories that really resonate with me.  One such is the story of Jacob and his wrestling with God.  Jacob was traveling with his family and sends them along ahead.  He is left alone when a stranger comes upon him and wrestles with him.  They wrestle all night. The stranger even puts Jacob's hip joint out of place yet  still Jacob won't release the stranger until the stranger blesses him.   Eventually the stranger does and Jacob realizes that he has wrestled with God (and lived). [Genesis 32: 22-32]

For most of my life I feel I have been wrestling with God.  My cries at times are refrains of  "Why?  Why me?  Why her?  Why him? Why won't you bless me, him, her? "  Other times I have held on to God like a leach and asked (and if I am honest more of a demand) for blessing upon blessing.  Still other times I have chomped at the bit, "Let me in coach.  I can do it. I am ready." 

Sometimes I think I ask too much of blessings rather than seeing the blessings already given and around me. My latest request for blessing was my struggle with finding balance in this new writing endeavor.  My June 13th post I wrote about my attendance to a writing workshop.  It was really good and just what I needed at the time. 

I do find that God has a sense of humor.  He knows all about my wrestling matches (after all, He is in it).  Before I attended the workshop I had given God an ultimatum.  I know, kind of stupid and naive- what was I thinking?  I just laid it on the line with God- either have some encouragement for me during this week or take away the heart's desire to write.  I ended up experiencing encouragement and a deep feeling that this is where God wants me to be.  At one point I was sitting in a chapel service and the realization that what had been spoken were words just for me was so humbling and grace filled. I almost couldn't contain my feelings of God's goodness.  Since then, I have been feeling in a good place and able to embrace and take on this idea. 

As I have disclosed before, I am not much of a runner unless I am chasing a tennis ball.  While I was at the workshop I thought it might be nice to walk/run in the mornings before the sitting sessions began.  Notice the emphasis on walk.  My running is a lot to be desired.  I get bored quickly.  I feel like I am living out the reoccurring dream of trying to run but feeling my feet are stuck in mud. 

One morning as I was leaving the guest house for my morning walk/run another guest was leaving at the same time.  He asked if I was running and I kind of hemmed and hawed because I am not a runner.  But we ended up running together.  He was/is a true runner. 

Since I am the type that once I have started something I have to complete it, I couldn't give up once we started. I kept running alongside my partner.  Turns out we did about three+ miles of continuous running.  I have never run continuously that long.  Ever.  

The last morning we met and ran about four miles.  It was easier than I thought and was fun to have someone alongside with whom to chat, comment and discuss life.  That day we just had a morning session and the conference was over at lunch.  I then proceeded to drive home.

When I got out of the car, I could hardly walk.  My difficulty walking continued over the next two days.  I thought, "Ok God.  You had your fun.  I have been wrestling with you like Jacob but really?  Did you have to cripple me in the process?"

I can safely report that my stiffness has worked out and I can walk normally now.  I also have been running on my own now that I am home.  

I share this because I wonder how many of you are wrestling with God?  Wondering why such and such happened?  Why won't He bless me?  Heal me?  Heal others?  Why is there hurt, suffering and problems that good people experience?   Have you seen blessings already given or around you? Even if He has blessed us, we start wondering if it is true.  We ask, "Did I hear correctly"?

From my experience, wrestling is a good thing.  It is relationship building- getting real and honest with God.  The thing is, He can take it.  He wants us to share all our doubts, questions, disappointments, failures, successes with Him. 

And along the way, He might even provide you with a little joke.

It is HERE!!! The Anthology Can Be PreOrdered!

Fifty nurses share their poignant and inspirational stories. What is it like to be a student nurse? What are the joys, the stresses, the transcendent moments, the fall-off-your-bed-laughing moments, and the terrors that have to be faced and stared down? And how might nurses, looking back, relate these experiences in ways that bring these memories to life again and provide historical context for how nursing education has changed and yet remained the same?

In brave, revealing, and often humorous poetry and prose, Learning to Heal explores these questions with contributions by nurses from a variety of social, ethnic, and geographical backgrounds. Readers meet a black nursing student who is surrounded by white teachers and patients in 1940, a mother who rises every morning at 5 a.m. to help her family ready for their day before she herself heads to anatomy class, and an itinerant Jewish teenager who is asked, “What will you become?” These individuals, and many other women and men, share personal stories of finding their way to nursing school, where they begin a long, often wonderful, and sometimes daunting, journey.

Many of the nurse-authors are experienced, well-­published writers; others are academics, widely known in their fields; but each offers a unique perspective on nursing education. Notably, an essay by Minnie Brown Carter and an interview with Helen L. Albert provide valuable ethnographies of underrepresented voices.

Through strong, moving essays and poems that explore various aspects of student nursing and provide historical perspective on nursing and nursing education, all have stories to tell. Learning to Heal tells them in ways that will appeal to many readers, both in and out of the nursing and medical professions, and to educators in the medical humanities.

It is finally here!  The nurse anthology that contains a story of mine, "The Mr. Magoo of Nursing School". (That was the working title, do not know what the editors finally chose.)  Click here to read a review.

  Preorder at Kent State University Press.

Dream Small

Lately I have been thinking about dreams.  Dreams that I had as a little girl, as a young woman and now as someone middle-aged. Some dreams I have definitely out-grown. (Can't say that being a nuclear physicist is still on my radar.)   Some dreams were totally unrealistic. (Nope. I will never be an Olympic swimmer.) Yet most of the dreams have/had an element of wanting to impact lives for the better.  I have always wanted to "change the world".  As a younger person I envisioned and dreamt about a more dramatic way to do so which was more than someone of my ability, resources and standing should and could have. 

While I am not discouraged about dreaming large, it seems as if I have come to the age when I have seen more and more impact on the world through just being faithful to God's call. I don't have to come up with a big elaborate plan.  I am content to allow my dreams be the ones that God has for me and not the ones that I tell Him that I want.  I have finally come to the realization that whatever God has placed in my heart and mind will be impactful if I rely on Him.   Small or large. 

Most people have dreams. But I wonder if we confuse dreams with fantasies? Fantasies consist of fictional ideas of how people live, respond, think and act.  Fantasies by definition are not real and are generally based on a lie. They trap us into thinking life is a certain unreal way and we become obsessed in trying to emulate that falseness. Since the fantasy is completely false and unattainable, it can keep us stuck in the same patterns of behavior and never allow us to grow. Fantasies don't change lives and at its worst, can harm them. 

I think dreams are nuggets of truth held in our hearts.  Things for which we think, pray and hope are based on what we know to be true about ourselves, what we want our lives to be, and how we imagine our future self. That is why it is so painful when a dream does not come true.  A piece of our heart is broken.  Not that the dream was or is bad.  Everyone should be thinking and hoping for something.  But sometimes I think that we are hoping for may be the wrong things.  We want to be globally recognized, when it may be more important to be recognized for our character by those closest to us.  We want material things when our most precious possession may be our health- a healthy life and healthy relationships. We want power and influence when our greatest impact might be on the person sleeping next to us. 

I think dreams are placed in our hearts by God. He knows how we are wired, what makes us tick and what is our future.  When we turn over our dreams to Him, it is not that we are giving up, but rather we are submitting to the One who truly has our best in mind.  Even more than what we think is "our best" because we have only finite limited understanding.  Who wouldn't want the One who is from beginning to end, who knows it all, to be designing how our lives unfold?  If any of my literary heroes would sit beside me and guide me in my words you bet I would listen. 

I am slowly realizing that if I offer back my dreams to Him, who knows what He will do with it?  I am entrusting my little and limited nugget of truth about myself to Him.  Kind of like the five loaves, two fishes that the little boy offered to Jesus to feed the crowd.  Any logical person would recognize that there was no way that small amount of food would feed thousands of people.  Yet in Jesus' hands, that which seems small becomes large and satisfactory. 

While I still dream big, I am willing to be content with dreaming small too.  Those dreams are also part of what God wants for me.  Each day I have the opportunity to impact the world by the way I live life: honoring my words, caring for my family and friends, responding to God's call.  Submitting those smaller things to him demonstrates that I trust Him with it all- small and large. 

What about you?  What were/are your dreams?  Are they big or small?  Would you classify them as dreams or fantasies?  Have you ever turned over your hopes and dreams to God?  If so, what happened?  

---

Recently I heard an encouraging song by Josh Wilson.  Click here to listen.

It's a momma singing songs about the Lord
It's a daddy spending family time
That the world said he cannot afford
These simple moments change the world
It's a pastor at a tiny little Church
Forty years of loving on the broken and the hurt
These simple moments change the world

Dream small
Don't bother like you've gotta do it all
Just let Jesus use you where you are
One day at a time

Live well
Loving God and others as yourself
Find little ways where only you can help
With His great love
A tiny rock can make a giant fall
Dream small

It's visiting the widow down the street
Or dancing on a Friday with your friend with special needs
These simple moments change the world
Of course, there's nothing wrong with bigger dreams
Just don't miss the minutes on your way, your bigger things, no
'Cause these simple moments change the world

So dream small
Don't bother like you've gotta do it all
Just let Jesus use you where you are
One day at a time

Live well
Loving God and others as yourself
Find little ways where only you can help
With His great love
A tiny rock can make a giant fall
So dream small

Keep loving, keep serving
Keep listening, keep learning
Keep praying, keep hoping
Keep seeking, keep searching
Out of these small things and watch them grow bigger
The God who does all things makes oceans from river

So dream small
Don't bother like you've gotta do it all
Just let Jesus use you where you are
One day at a time

Live well
Loving God and others as yourself
Find little ways where only you can help
With His great love
A tiny rock can make a giant fall
Yeah, five loaves and two fish's could feed them all
So dream small
Dream small

Songwriters: Josh Wilson

Dream Small lyrics © Black River Entertainment LLC

A Century of Joy

The other week our son sent this link to us. Jay was part of the crew that shot this video.  Click here to watch. It is a video vignette about the "oldest active conductor in the world".  Hopefully it will put a smile on your face.  It did mine. 

What I found inspiring was that this gentleman was doing what he loved.  And he did it all his life. What a joy and blessing for him to be exposed to music and to be able to express it and share with others the beauty and mystery of sound.  As he says, he was surrounded by music even when "I was in my mommy's belly". 

Watching him makes me want to return to music in my life: to have notes and melodies swirl around my head and in my home; to be enveloped and overwhelmed by the emotion of the sound; to be part of the creation of the music.  

Watching him makes me envious of his commitment and passion for one thing.  I am so in awe of those individuals who have found their calling relatively early in life and have had such dedication to it throughout their lifespan.  I think of Jane Goodall, Madeleine L'Engle, Dame Judi Dench, Julia Child (though she was an older adult when she took cooking lessons in France), Paul McCartney, A. Philip Randolph. 

While we were on vacation these last couple of weeks, we read a lot of books.  One that my husband read and I have started is The Road to Character, by David Brooks.  So far I have found it very interesting.  "Looking to some of the world's greatest thinkers and inspiring leaders, Brooks explores how, through internal struggle and a sense of their own limitations, they have built a strong inner character."  

Brooks talks about these individuals and their call to vocation. He notes that people who take part in their called vocational activities have joy.  I think that is what is so appealing in the video of the centenarian conductor.   There is joy in Mr. Ed Simons love of conducting and love of music.  That is probably what kept him going for so long.

David Brooks uses an illustration from Dorothy L. Sayers (a mystery writer but also a theologian).  Ms. Sayers makes a distinction between serving the community and serving the work.  “There is, in fact, a paradox about working to serve the community, and it is this: that to aim directly at serving the community is to falsify the work; the only way to serve the community is to forget the community and serve the work.”

As Mr. Brooks adds, "But if you serve the work- if you perform each task to its utmost perfection- then you will experience the deep satisfaction of craftsmanship and you will end up serving the community more richly than you could have consciously planned.  And one sees this in people with a vocation- a certain rapt expression, a hungry desire to perform a dance or run an organization to its utmost perfection.  They feel the joy of having their values in deep harmony with their behavior.  They experience a wonderful certainty of action that banishes weariness from even the hardest days." 

What about you?  Are you banishing weariness even in the hardest days?  If not, what would bring joy for you?  Do you need to experience more _____(fill in the blank- music, art, literature, relationship building) in your life?  What can you do differently to achieve that? 

Do you have a single-mindedness to your work- either career or vocation? Or, like me do you have many interests and passions?  

I think the people who have that single-mindedness of purpose are placed in our lives to inspire us.  Their interest and excitement in what they do can be infectious.  We may not have a life-long interest but we can have a seasonal one. We can strive to perform whatever the task with the utmost perfection so that we too can experience joy with whatever we do.   Who knows?  We might end up living life to its fullest like Mr. Simons. 

 

For My Eyes Only?

I was listening to a podcast from Science Friday. There was an interesting discussion about color which led to an explanation about rainbows and how we see their colors.  In order for a rainbow to form, light passes through a raindrop. The curvature of the drop refracts the light, bends it and breaks it down into its visible wavelengths.

Here is an excerpt from the transcript:

ANDREW PARKER: Well, when you see a rainbow– when the sun is behind and you’re looking into rain, what happens is each of those raindrops acts as a tiny prism. So the sunlight enters the raindrop, and it bounces off the far surface, and comes back out towards you. But the refractive index of water is slightly different to air, and it causes the white light to split slightly. So each color diverts slightly into a different angle, and that spreads it out into a spectrum, just like you see coming from a prism.

IRA FLATOW: So if I’m standing 20 feet away from a person, I’m seeing the light coming from different raindrops than that other person is. So am I, in effect, seeing a different rainbow?

ANDREW PARKER: Yes, that’s right. The rainbow is in a slightly different position.

IRA FLATOW: So we each have our own rainbow that we’re looking at?

ANDREW PARKER: Yeah, absolutely. Which means there no end to it, unfortunately.

IRA FLATOW: So if you see a rainbow from an airplane, which I have seen, it’s circular– it doesn’t end anywhere.

ANDREW PARKER: That’s true– absolutely. Because then you’re looking onto rain from all directions. So when we’re looking at rain against the horizon, we only see from the horizon upwards, so we only see half the circle.

I love that imagery that no two people truly see the same rainbow.  It makes the magic of seeing a rainbow even more special:  to realize that what I am seeing is only for me.  Others may see a rainbow but the way the light is refracted and bent is for my eyes only.  No one else will have the same position, the same angle or the same view. 

It reminds me that while we have many similarities with one another, each one of us is unique.  I am thankful that God cares for each one of us as if there were only one of us.  He is big enough to create something that is exclusive to me and exclusive to you.

It should make us feel honored and humbled.  I shouldn't think my needs are more important than yours any more than you should think yours override mine.  It reminds me that we all have a place in this world.  

About a year ago I wrote a blog about seeing the moon one morning and how others around the world were also seeing its beauty.   Sometimes looking at the sky I am humbled to think that these are the same stars that those in the past saw and those in the present will see.  I am humbled to know that I am one of the multitude who sees God's handiwork. 

The rainbow with all its beautiful complexities is specific for each viewer. It reminds the viewer that he/she is unique but it also reminds the viewer that he/she is not the only viewer.  We always need to think of others in our individuality.   

No wonder that God used the rainbow as a symbol of promise and hope for Noah, humankind and each one of us.  

Independence Day

Happy 4th of July!  Today is Independence Day. The day when our forefathers said enough to oppression and opted to risk overthrowing what was known for an experiment that guaranteed freedom for all. (Sadly, still working on that).  They declared their independence from a sovereign nation which determined what they did and said. 

I think when we ask for independence we need to remember that independence demands responsibility.  I believe our forefathers understood that concept.  While they may have had differences of opinion about the logistics of the democratic republic experiment they demonstrated through actions the understanding that there are two sides of the idea of freedom. 

In order to have independence, one has to be responsible. As a child grows and matures, he wants to begin doing things himself.  That is natural and healthy. But part of the growing up process is realizing that one is not the center of the universe.  A child also has to begin realizing that nothing happens in a vacuum: what one person decides to do affects another.  His actions will cause an action for someone else. For example, I might want to drive my car wherever I want but I have to be responsible for following the rules of the road or there will be major accidents.  I can have the freedom of driving but I have to balance my independence with responsibility.  

It is through responsibility of thinking of others that the action of independence can occur.  It is the responsibility of our leaders and our citizens to think.  If not, chaos can ensue.

 I believe our current leaders have forgotten that they are responsible for all the citizens in the country, not just the ones that give them adoration.  What is the greater good beyond the vote?  Is it only economic gain for the ones who have voted for you?  The leaders have to remind themselves that they represent an independent and responsible nation. Just because they have been elected into an office by a certain majority of individuals,  they have to be adult and think of all citizens as they make rules, laws and policies.  

As citizens we are responsible for critical thinking of what is happening in our government.   We cannot abdicate our responsibility of thinking. If we do, then those who are leaders can interfere and interject their thoughts, ideas, decisions on the non-thinking public.  When we are not thinking responsibly, we abdicate our right to have an informed opinion.  No longer are we free in our governing experiment.  We are responsible when we listen, question, vote, discuss, argue, and agree to disagree.   We are not responsible when we bully, shout, dismiss, or demand that the opposition do exactly as we say or else greater retribution. 

I think Thomas Jefferson understood the tension of government and people with his above quote.  Just like the tension between independence and responsibility we have to constantly adjust and reflect on the size of government and how much we expect the government to do versus the things that we can do. 

So, Happy 4th of July.  It is a wonderful time and a great celebration.  While our great American experiment has its rocky moments, I wouldn't trade living here under its messy, difficult governance with any other place. 

Slices of Joy

Recently I finished painting our living and dining rooms.  Before I repositioned the furniture I cleaned and waxed our wood floors.  As I put the wax on the floor and then wiped it off I was reminded of the Karate Kid movie and that classic scene where the karate master has his student wax his car.  The student is furious thinking he is not getting any lessons but rather is working for free.  It is only later does he realize the benefits of the wax on, wax off arm movements in his fluid ability to block attacks and his balance skills.

While I haven't learned karate, I have learned that in waxing whether it is for the car or on the floor, it doesn't take that much to provide protection and nourishment.  Just a thin layer will do.  In some ways it seems counterintuitive with our more is better mentality.   We think if a little will protect it, then a lot will be fantastic.  The thing is, if you slab on a thick layer, it takes more work to wipe it off and it doesn't protect any better.  The first layer against the wood is what gets absorbed.  Piling more layers on top will just be wasted when you wipe it off.  

Just a thin layer is all it takes to restore and replenish the patina on our car or floor. 

I started thinking about other thin barriers or layers that impact our lives:  The fragile veil of "normalcy" that separates us from sanity to insanity or the one little drink or pill that begins a tailspin of destruction.

If we think our lives are insignificant because we do not have "big, fancy, over the top" kind of lives, we need to remember that some of the thinnest things make all the difference.  Kevlar is a thin layer of material but it can mean the difference of life or death.  So too a condom.    

We can reframe our thinking into appreciating the thin, small, seemingly insignificant things in life.  According to Chade-Meng Tan in his book, Joy on Demand we can successfully change our mindset by practicing "thin slices of joy". 

Usually these events are unremarkable: a bite of food, the sensation of stepping from a hot room to an air-conditioned room, the moment of connection in receiving a text from an old friend. Although they last two or three seconds, the moments add up, and the more you notice joy, the more you will experience joy, Tan argues. “Thin slices of joy occur in life everywhere… and once you start noticing it, something happens, you find it’s always there. Joy becomes something you can count on.” That’s because you’re familiarizing the mind with joy, he explains.

Turns out that our brain's basal ganglion is the area where we control habits.  The more skilled we become at a particular habit, the easier it becomes to repeat it. We need to have a trigger, routine and a reward to embed this habit into our brain so that we do not have to spend much cognitive ability in doing it.  In the case for slices of joy our trigger is the pleasurable moment, the routine is the observation of it and the reward is the continual building of joy. 

With practicing slices of joy we are training our brains to notice small things. The more we notice, the more our lives and brains are filled with positive emotions.  We are prepared for whatever the day brings because we have practiced the art of noticing slices of joy. 

What about you?  Have you ever noticed small slices of joy?  What are some things that put a smile on your face?  Things that I have noticed just this morning:  the red streaks of the rising sun filtered through our neighbor's statuesque pine tree, a robin hopping along our garden edge looking for worms, the first sip of espresso, the flutter of clothing drying on the line, the dog with her face turned into the wind catching a whiff of some transient smell, the intricate details of a garden flower.   If you can, try and find three slices of joy today.  Each day build on that experience.  Over time it can become your way of viewing the world.  

And that, is significant. 

Change

Just because it is, doesn't mean it should be.

~Lady Sarah Ashley portrayed by Nicole Kidman in the movie "Australia" . 

---

Sometimes I have to remind myself that just because things are so, doesn't mean it has to stay that way.  It is so easy to get discouraged and settle for how situations are.  When we do that it becomes a vicious circle: we are not happy with ourselves for passively allowing things to be. We then get more discouraged so we become more passive and don't even feel like trying which gets us even more discouraged.  We don't have to do that.  We don't have to live in that cycle.

For change to happen, a person, government or ideology has to be uncomfortable: the uncomfortableness of being where you are, makes you move.  Our two Jack Russells are examples of how this works with their daily "discussion" of finding the best physical spot to lie down.  Generally our male, Marley will be all settled in a spot.  It is in that exact location that Millie, the female decides she needs to be.   In order to make Marley move, Millie will sit in front of Marley and bark continually in his face.  He will just turn his head away and pretend she is not there.  Unfortunately, Millie can keep it up indefinitely with the result that Marley will eventually leave and she can move into the now unoccupied spot.  Marley gets to the point that his litter mate is making life too uncomfortable for him to enjoy his nap so he will leave and find a new location. 

Personally, we may not have someone barking in our face, but we may become so uncomfortable with a bad habit, a difficult job, or an unhealthy relationship that we decide to change our current position and have to move figuratively or literally.  

Politically, I think we are in the same type of spot.  I am concerned that terrible policies are being written and that no one is speaking out against injustice or speaking up for those who do not have a voice.  It seems that we (I am in that collective too) are complacent with what is going on in our government.  If we are vocal,  we are not being heard.  Where or how can we speak to be heard over the incessant barking of our leaders?    Are we uncomfortable with what is going on politically?  Are we ready  to "move" in order to be heard or at least to speak up for others? 

Spiritually we can be in a wallowing place of inertia. Places where we are just stuck in muck- feeling bad about ourselves and allowing that feeling to draw us under.   We tell ourselves that the Creator isn't happy or interested in us.  The father of lies likes us to think that way. He wants us to be settled with that "reality".  Just because we are in that place doesn't mean that is it is so.  God wants us to be out of that place, to move towards Him where He can tell us the truth: He loves each one of us and wants the best for us. He has created you and me for a purpose and with a plan.  Somedays I have to begin my way out of this funk by renewing my mind through scripture.  One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:8: "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."   The other day I was wallowing in the muck of self-pity and was getting tired of my own barking thoughts.  I had convinced myself that I was an outsider to every group in which I am involved and that I had nothing to offer. I had to change my attitude and the only way I could do it was to repeat these verses.  I had to tell myself that my mucky thoughts were not true- that God was present in my life, I have purpose and that I did belong to a community of friends. 

What about you?  Do you find yourself stuck?  Uncomfortable?  Ready to move?  If not, what would it take?  Do you live in the reality of what is, is how it will always be?  Or do you believe that just because it is, it doesn't mean it should be?  How do you go about moving into that reality? 

Post PTS

Last week I had the privilege of attending a writer's workshop at Princeton Theological Seminary.  It was a transformative week for me.  Part of it was that I had no expectation for the event.  I had never gone to a workshop like this and so did not have any idea of its format, the type of people who might attend or the information I would hear.   I find that when I do not have preconceived notions I can be more open to possibilities and let things unfold as they do. 

It was so refreshing: like-minded people, encouraging words and ideas to stir the muses, useful career information, thought-provoking speakers.  I even discovered a new appreciation for running.  

This conference was providential.   When I think of the chronology of my decision to go, I have no idea how I found it on the internet.  I was looking for writer's workshops thinking I would attend one this year.  There are a plethora of them.  This one caught my eye because of the title:  Frederick Buechner Writer's Workshop because I enjoy Mr. Buechner's writings. I didn't give too much thought to the fact that this was held at a seminary but in retrospect being with other spiritual writers was key for me.  Also, according to the grapevine of the seasoned attendees- this workshop won't be offered next year.  I just happened to find this one, at this stage in my career and life and probably won't find another one like it.  For such a time as this that I attended.

From the time of my first conference till now, I have always been observant of those who were "it".  You know the type- they ooze confidence, have the right words to say, their very movements appear choreographed and smooth.  At conferences, they are the ones everyone wants to chat with during the meet and greets.  I can still visualize the tall blond from High School Model Congress days, the serious minded law student from a BioEthics conference, the slick-back dark hair, tanned, Mr. RatPack wanna-be at a business meeting or the statistics quoting incredible workout body of the wellness guru.  They leave no room for doubt, guffaws, or slip-ups.

At this conference it was interesting to see "average" middle-aged adults ask questions, be open to change and possibility, be vulnerable, and be real.  There was none of this "it" grouping.   No posturing.  No egos. (Well, maybe just a few.  We are human after all.)  I was reminded that underneath it all, regardless of social standings we are very similar: everyone has some type of knowledge regarding a topic, opinion or experiences and we all have insecurities, fears, and concerns.  In a sense, we are all on the same playing field. 

Some of the things I learned:

• God's graciousness and abundant mercy.   Lately I've been pretty discouraged with this writing "career".  I feel that I have not gotten any traction and any of my attempts to do so have been thwarted by family issues. From the first session, the speaker connected with me with her words.  I felt as if God was speaking through her to me, offering me encouragement, wisdom and hope. To think that the great God of the universe cares enough about me and my feelings to give me a special "wink" is truly humbling and comforting. 
• I finally feel that I am a writer and am on the right track for pursuing this career.  Someone at the workshop was saying that he had attended another workshop where the individuals were encouraged in their introductions to say, "Hi.  I am Virginia and I am a writer."  Like the way AA attendees introduce themselves.  The more we claim something, the more comfortable we become with that truth.  I heard some new information but a lot of what I heard were things that I had discovered on my own. I was on the right track.  Now that they are validated, I just have to implement it. 
• I have a purpose beyond myself. God has given me specific gifts and a call.  He expects me to be public with my gifts. The point is to be obedient, have faith and trust in God as I go forward in this endeavor and daily offer the gift back to Him. 
• Relax.  There is enough "success" to go around.  There is no need to be anxious that someone is getting ahead of me or that there won't be room at the creative table for me.  If God has called me to this endeavor, it will work out. 
• Just give it my best effort and let God do the rest.

What about you?  Have you ever attended a workshop, conference or meeting that gave you a boost?  What type of conference was it?  Professional?  Personal?  For a hobby?  Did you meet people you know instinctively will make a difference in your life?  Were things said that seemed to be said only to you?  How did you incorporate the information gleaned into your everyday life?   Is there a workshop or gathering that you can attend?  What is holding you back from attending?  If going away and attending a function is cost prohibitive for now, are there groups in your town you can join?  What about online groups? 

 Do you feel called to something new? What can you do to prepare for it?  Do you need an infusion of new ideas for a current calling?  Can you give it your best effort and let God take care of the rest? 

Bullet Head

Back in the 1970's during the running craze, a twenty something young man was running a marathon in Wisconsin with the hope to finish under 3 hours in order to qualify for the Boston marathon.   He was running fine, meeting his time goals when around mile 16 he felt something hit the top of his head.  He thought it might be a stone or something and when he felt the top of his head, he felt an "egg" type swollen area.  He didn't give it too much thought but just kept plugging along.   As he advanced along the course, he felt like he was running slower and slower and just didn't feel right but he plugged along and finally finished.  When his wife saw him at the finish line she was concerned because he didn't finish in the time they had thought.  Only when she questioned him did he mention the thing that hit him on the head.  She convinced him to see the race doctor who said that he saw something shiny in his skull and needed to go to the local ER.  While there, the doctors determined that he had a bullet in his brain and very carefully dislodged it. It was in a position that was just right for removal- any other place- either deeper or shallower would've created considerable health problems. 

It was only a couple days later that he received a call from a gentleman who wanted to know what the he, the runner looked like.  The caller was supposed to run in that Wisconsin marathon but didn't since he knew that "bad people" were after him.  Turns out the runner was shot in a misidentification mishap. 

What struck me was the humor and fortitude of this guy.  He eventually did run in the Boston marathon as well as many other marathons and extreme marathons.  For a time he even wore a running shirt with his nick name "Bullet Man" on it and was once on the show "To Tell the Truth".

Dennis Rainer was shot in the head while running a marathon in Michigan. He kept running, finishing the race in just over three hours. (Courtesy of Dennis Rainear)

He said that having the bullet in his head was a blessing and curse.  Of course, no one wants to be shot- the curse. But, he said anything after that incident pales by comparison:  at times when he wanted to give up running he would think, "I ran and finished a race with a bullet in my head.  How can I stop this time just because I am tired?"  He applied that fortitude to other areas in his life. 

It made me think of things that have happened to me that, at the time I found were a pain (literally or figuratively) and could be seen as a curse.  Yet, because I could press on through the incident and "survived", I can use that milestone as a reminder to keep going:  If I could get through in the past, I can get through in the present. 

What about you?  Any "bullets in your head"? What did you learn from that experience?  Are you still learning?  How can you reframe your bad experience into one that has shaped you in a better way? 

"He has a real job..."

This past week I was meeting some folks, and as the usual first time greetings go, was asked, "What do you do?"  Sometimes when people ask me that, depending upon the tone of their voice I really am tempted to say in a snarky voice, "precious little." 

I really shouldn't feel so defensive about it.  He was just asking.   In this conversation, I explained that I was a writer, which then prompter him to ask what I have published?  And then he proceeded to tell me about his son who writes, but he has a "real job" doing "xyz" (something lucrative and other than writing).   

Oy vey.  Here we go.  I cannot tell you how many people over the last two and a half years who just don't get the creative life.  Sure, there is not a weekly paycheck but there are still set hours each day that are spent writing, creating or doing research.  It is a sit down job. I have heard back from people who say that (in no particular order) I am, "retired, ill, or moving", that it "must be nice to be a lady of leisure", or imply that I have "loads of time to do....." (you fill in the blank).  I want to counter- what is a fake job? Working for no pay?  Is a real job one that only exchanges money? (Then by that logic you can see there is a problem between the difference of prostitution and monogamous married sex?  Which is "real love"?) 

To be fair and if I am honest I have also been judgmental over someone's work.  I am ashamed to say that in my younger working years, I would think, "Gosh.  Must be nice to have a cushy (fill in the blank) job" where it seemed as if the person didn't have too many responsibilities, too many hours or too many physical demands.  Boy was I naive and stupid.

The thing is- work is work.  Regardless.  It doesn't matter what the type of work it is. If it is satisfying a calling, producing a good or service, helping another, providing an outlet for creativity and beauty for others in the world, it is all work. I like the google definition: work is an "activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result."

While I may bristle about the "real job", I am pragmatic enough to understand the whole concept of "starving artist" and "real jobs".  At the end of the day, you cannot eat your artwork or prose.

It is just that so many jobs nowadays are not "real" or regular in the sense of the nine-to-five jobs of yesteryear.  The way we do jobs have changed.  No longer do people have to have face to face meetings; you can conference anyone, anytime, anywhere around the world without having to leave the comfort of your home.  There is medical technology where the doctor can be on one continent and control a surgical robot performing on a surgical patient in another continent.  Money can be transferred from one bank account to another with the swish of a finger. 

I know I need to chill out over this issue. I guess after this latest encounter I am becoming a little less antagonistic.  When people make comments, they don't really think about others' sensitivity and the comments are generally made for conversation not for any harm.   I also am getting more comfortable to say that I am a writer.  (Although I haven't gotten to the point where I truly believe it- I will need a little more professional recognition for that.) I guess I am defensive because I would like to say, "Yes, by gum. I am a very successful writer.  I have name recognition, speaking engagements, and lucrative advancements."  Falling short of that,  I need to comfortable with my current situation and my sense of calling.  Like so many things in life, if we feel self-assured then we are more likely to be open and gracious to others regardless of what they may or may not say to us. 

What about you?  What is your job?  Have you ever switched careers?  How did that work out?  Did you feel that you had to justify it to others? Do you feel that you have a conventional job?  Does what you do involve a mental or physical effort to produce a result or achieve a purpose?  Do you pre-judge people based on their work?  Do you feel comfortable with your calling and your work?  How did you get to that place?  

It All Starts With Love...

Did you watch the Royal Wedding this past Saturday?  Or, rather- since there were more than 29 Million viewers- who didn't watch it?

If you saw it, what did you think?  I must say that originally I was not going to watch but was up early and got mesmerized in all the pageantry.  

Many reviewers and commentators talked about the love in the air and how different this felt than other royal weddings.  It might be because it was such a beautifully sunny day (rare) or the sense of relaxation from the guests as they walked the little distance to the chapel with that calming backdrop of castle stones or the fact that the expectation for Prince Harry (the spare) is much different from his older brother.  

It certainly seemed as if the two newly weds are very much in love.  I guess compared to Prince Harry's parents, there is a difference with Harry and Meghan yet I would surmise that most young people on their wedding day are very much in love.  Or at least in love with the notion of love.

On wedding days, are the intendeds really enamored with commitment and marriage?  Hopefully so.  Weddings are wonderful.  A joyous occasion  to see family and friends. An excuse for all of us to dress up and to feel a little royal and to bask in the glow of love.   But I wonder about the long term love?  The true sickness and in health, richer or poorer, to death us do part.  (I must admit snickering at the poorer part of the vow.  The royal family.  Poor?)  It is in those tough times that the remembrance of the good times is so important.  Hopefully these two can stay the course. 

The one thing that seemed to be evident- Meghan Markle was calm, poised, and serene at the wedding.  She seems like the real deal.  People love authenticity.  Now of course, she is an actor and is used to acting, "as if", but if that is the case, she certainly is a really good actress. The wedding event would be a performance of a lifetime, witnessed by millions of people and a cadre of folks who are ready to pick apart any signs of weakness, nervousness, or missteps. 

From the various news reports about her as well as reading her own words, I think that there are some lessons to be learned from her:

• Class (and being classy)  is not so much a position but an attitude.  Doesn't matter what one's background might be, how much money one has or who is one's parents, we all can behave regally, graciously, and with poise. 
• Be true to oneself.  If you feel convicted of an idea, thought or decision, stick to your guns.  Don't let others tell you how you should and shouldn't behave.  The Duchess is one who has always supported women's rights and in speaking for those who cannot.  Seems as if she will continue even under her new title. 
• Be comfortable with yourself.  None of us can control to whom we are born and under what conditions.  There may have been behind the scenes dramas that the press wasn't privy to but the Duchess of Sussex didn't excuse or explain her father or half-siblings.  She doesn't have to justify what she has done to overcome her background.  She is who she is. 
• All of us are royal on the inside.  If you follow your heart, be true to yourself, remain gracious, self-assured, you too are Duchess material.  Each one of us has been made in the image of the King of the Universe.  We are royal.  When we exhibit the characteristics of faith, hope and love we exhibit our royal connection.   It is the love that lifts us out of whatever condition we find ourselves in and we all have the same opportunity to experience it. 

It does all start with love.  As the Most Reverend Michael Bruce Curry said during the wedding service,

"Someone once said that Jesus began most revolutionary movement in all of human history, a movement grounded in the unconditional love of god for the world. And a movement mandating people to live that love. And in so doing, to change not only their lives but the very life of the world itself. I'm talking about some power, real power, power to change the world..     King was right. We must discover love. The redemptive power of love and when we do that, we will make of this old world a new world." 

Putting Off...

There is a comedian, Tom Papa who does a regular routine on Live From Here, called "Out. In. America."  Part of his spiel is that he tells a story of meeting different individuals across the country and then poses questions,  "Have you ever....?"  which moves along the preposterous story he is telling by his replying with a deep pause and resignation,  "I have." 

In the tone of Tom Papa, "Have you ever put off doing certain projects or activities?   I can certainly say, " I have."  

Sometimes I wonder, "why?".  I know all the right techniques, thoughts and attitudes to jump on things and get things done: do the hardest thing first thing, break it down into smaller details,  reward yourself upon completion.  Try as I might,  procrastination is still my default.

Lately, I have a couple of big projects that I need to do yet I am finding that I am having difficulty either starting, or in the case of some of them, difficulty in the finishing.

Have you ever felt that way- stuck in the not-yet or frozen in the not-done?

I have.

It seems as if I am paralyzed with the not-yet.  Part of it stems from the not-knowing.  Projects that I have to do are not fully formed in my mind; I cannot see its entirety- start, middle, end. I am not quite sure how to start much less what it will look like as I go through it and finish it.   I get paralyzed with that blurry unknown.  I don't want to start lest I do something that needs redoing. 

Other times I am paralyzed with the not-done.  Part of this stems from a lack of excitement over the project.  Many times a project has been long and drawn out and I am just tired in thinking about it, much less wanting to actually work on it and complete it.  There is a loss of "newness" in the project and subsequently a contempt of the familiar.  It is only when the balance is tipped in that I am more "fed up" with something hanging on my to-do list then not, will I finally complete it. 

To get myself engaged, either with new or old projects, sometimes I just have to trick myself into doing it. 

Kind of like my approach to entering the water.  When I was a kid, I was one of the first ones in the water (whether it was the pool, sound or ocean) and one of the last ones out. As I have aged, I am ridiculous in my avoidance of getting wet.  It is not that I do not enjoy the water.  I do.  I love to swim and dive in and out of the waves.  Once in, I am fine. It is just the inertia to get into the water.  I feel quite comfortable being dry, warm and sun-kissed as I sit on the sand and don't have any desire to move. 

But there will come a moment in our beach attendance when I need to go into the water. (e.g. All the other family members are going in, I am getting way too hot on the sand, or I just need to move and get up from sitting/lying down.) I approach the waters edge, stick my toes in, look out into the dark, vast ocean and think, "Ahh, not today. I am going to sit back down."   Then I think, "Don't be ridiculous. You do not have that much time or opportunity at the beach.  Take advantage of this beautiful day.  Just go in.  Once you are in, you know you will enjoy it."  I am paralyzed in the overthinking of the dark, vast and reflective expanse of water in front of me. All sorts of silly ideas float in my head along with the Jaws soundtrack.  The water before me seems so ominous.

Yet, I know that when I exit the water, all that water between me and the land looks so inviting and warm. It is green, clear and seems so familiar.  Not at all like the dangerous seas I imagined as I first looked out in the distance. It is just my perspective.  The water hasn't changed. 

So, in order for me to first enter the water, I will walk in, turn backwards looking at the beach and the "pleasant" water in front of me,  lean back into the water and voila.  I am finally in.  Gone are the days when I would immediately run and jump in.  I have had to try another method to achieve the same thing. 

When I cannot get my act together for a project or activity, I have to trick myself into thinking that I am either in the middle of that project or almost finished with it.  If I don't worry about the start, but just go right to the middle, I can get over my paralysis of the not-yet.  Many writing experts give the suggestion of just jump right in the middle  when you feel stuck in starting a writing project.  For instance, if one is starting a novel, one might get overwhelmed to have the perfect opening line.  Sometimes it is better to begin writing a "middle" chapter and then go back.  We trick our minds so that we do not get paralyzed in perfection and in having to know how it will all work out from the get-go.  Sometimes a different approach keeps things interesting. It gives us a little mystery and unfamiliarity which helps keep things fresh. 

What about you? What are your "have you ever..." experiences?   Have you ever had to change your method or approach to looking or doing something?  What was it?  

Do you feel currently stuck in the not-yet or paralyzed by the not-done?  What can you do to freshen up your approach to it? 

Have you ever wondered why you put off a task?

Coincidence? I Think Not.

 On the news they were talking about the opiate crisis and the call from public health professionals for the government to step in and monitor/regulate the distribution of Naloxone. Naloxone (aka Narcan) is an opiate receptor antagonist- eliminates all signs of opioid intoxication and can reverse an opioid overdose.  By making it universally affordable and available, everyone will have (theoretically) access to the anti-opiate drug and we can potentially save those who might otherwise die from overdose.

They told the story of a woman who was driving and passed a group of people standing around a car on the side of the road.  She pulled over and asked if they needed any help.  A man next to her said that there was nothing she could do- the two people were dead.  Overdosed.  The woman went to assess the slumped individuals, pulled some Naloxone from her purse, squirted it up their noses and by the time the paramedics had arrived, the two individuals were stirring.  

Now the story was placed in the report to emphasis the importance and need of Naloxone to be available to all people.   I wonder what those two addicts in the story thought about this woman who just happened to be passing by, just happened to know all about drug overdose, just happened to have Naloxone in her purse and just happened to work for a non-profit devoted to distributing Naloxone to the public.  Did they think it was all a coincidence and that there are no connections?  

I hear it and think, "Thank God that woman was there at the scene. Don't they know how fortunate they are?.  Don't they know that there must be a reason they didn't die?  Don't they want to take advantage of having a second chance on life?"  All those combinations of facts should register that this was no accident: they have been rescued for a reason. 

But, things don't have to be that dramatic to understand that there are no coincidences in life.  There are times when things happen and there is no other logical explanation than "it was a God thing."  We have been witness to it over the years: a check appears in the mail just when we are low on food funds, a stranger out of nowhere helps push our stalled car out of a busy intersection, that same car doesn't stop in the middle of a barreling traffic turnpike with no pull off (we would have been crushed and killed) but limps along until we can exit, the third class mailing for a summer program which intrigues our son, which has him attend the program, then apply to the school, be accepted into the internship program, make connections, life long friends and a successful business, an out of the blue call to an almost forgotten job application which leads to a promising career at a time when the prior job is drying up.  

Whether or not you believe in God or think that there is a cosmic coincidence going on, you must admit that it is important to see things in context.  We are quick to say "I am so unlucky" and look at all the ways the universe conspires against us.  But if we were to make a tally sheet:  universe versus advantages, I think that we would find that there are just as many positives (probably more) than negatives.  It is just our human nature to notice the negative, or the lack rather than the positive. 

My perspective is that it is God orchestrated.  There are events that happen in our lives that cannot be attributed to random happenings: they are too specific and coordinated.  I truly believe that God wants the best for each one of us.  I also believe that when things work out for our benefit, it is another opportunity for God to show us how much He cares for us and for the things about which we care.  It is also an opportunity for us to trust Him with our life details. While we trust God completely with our future,  we are not just puppets in a play. We do have some choice in what we do, how we live our lives and how we engage or disengage in life responsibilities.  It is just when we start looking for God's hand in our lives, we will see how much He is involved, how much He cares for us, how much He loves us and how things are not just coincidences.  And if you think about it- if things are orchestrated and not just random, then what happens in our lives matters and is important. All events have purpose and all people and all relationships have purpose.  

If you feel that the world is against you, take this week to notice and write it all down:  negative and positive, what went "right" and what went "wrong".   What did you discover?  Are there connections among the happenings in your life?  If so, what are they?   If you start to see connection, what does that tell you about your role in it all?  How does that make you feel? 

In the immortal quotes from one of my favorite films, "The Incredibles":

"Coincidence.  I think not."

It's the Little Things...

Graduation season is upon us.  This year we will have a graduate from graduate school. Funny, the more schooling one gets, the less hoopla around the accomplishment.  I think of all the kindergarten graduates with the too cute, too big caps and gowns, too expensive "professional" photographs.  For our grad school son, he doesn't even want to attend the commencement services.  One reason- their finishing up dates don't correspond to the dates of the undergraduates and he will still be having finals, etc. during the commencement exercises.  And two (the real reason), he knows how long and drawn out these events are.  The only way he would attend is if his brother would attend in the audience.  [A typical sibling tit-for-tat: the current graduate "suffered" through his brother's college graduation while his brother could not attend the current graduate's, undergraduate service.  His brother's school was small enough to read everyone's (undergraduate, graduate and doctoral candidates) name as he/she walked across the stage but large enough for the service to take hours in a sub-zero freezing arena.]

One of the best commencement speeches I have heard was given by Admiral William McRaven, ninth commander of the Special Operations Command to the University of Texas class of 2014. He had some simple but universals truths to impart.  His big advice to the class of 2014: 

Make your bed every morning. 

It seems like a little thing.  It seems like something an adult who is tired of seeing his children's unmade beds might say but there is more to it than that.  

Making one's bed, every day gives one a sense of accomplishment.  You start off the day with something already done and it doesn't take much effort to do.  When you feel that you have accomplished something, it is easier to continue getting things done. 

It reminds me of a friend's discussion we had long ago.  She was saying that, besides the education and information that you might learn, getting a college degree is another one of those, "Yup, whatever else happens in my life, I have accomplished something."  One might never "use" the degree per se but it still impacts a person on what they do and how they feel for the rest of their lives.  In 2016 The College Board released a comprehensive report regarding the benefits of a college education.  There are more benefits than just economic gain: life satisfaction, healthier behavior, civic involvement, and voting to name a few. 

I am reminded of stories of successful individuals who go back to college and finish their degree.  Not because they need the degree for potential income, but rather for a sense of accomplishment: Steven Spielberg- Bachelor's Cal State Long Beach in 2001, Shaquille O'Neal- Bachelor's Louisville State in 2000, Oprah Winfrey- Bachelor's Tennessee State in 1987,  Mayim Bialik- Bachelor's in 2000 and PhD in 2007, James Franco- list is too long of his educational accomplishments, Natalie Portman- Bachelor's Harvard 2003. 

It reminds me too the practice of physical discipline, i.e. regular exercise tends to help one in the realm of emotional, mental or spiritual discipline.  Actually, any discipline helps in discipline in other areas.  One can make the claim that "If I can run for a couple of miles, two times a week, I can certainly accomplish my goal of completing the house project.  And if I can accomplish the goal of the house project, I can discipline myself to not eat too many desserts each week.  And if...."  The discipline trickles down to so many other things.

It all starts with making one's bed in the morning.

What about you?  What is one thing that you accomplish each day?  How does that make you feel? Do you have unfulfilled goals?  What little discipline can you do that might trickle into another little discipline? 

Below are the take-aways from Admiral McCraven's speech: 

• Start each day with a task completed. 
• Find someone to help you through life. 
• Respect everyone.
• Know that life is not fair and that you will fail often.
• But if take you take some risks, step up when the times are toughest, face down the bullies, lift up the downtrodden and never, ever give up — if you do these things, then the next generation and the generations that follow will live in a world far better than the one we have today.

Click here to hear the entire speech. 

Go Ride A Bike

When our boys were little, I prided myself on the fact that we introduced them to some major cities- how to navigate getting around and how to enjoy all that those cities had to offer.  I took them regularly to Washington DC ( how I managed a double stroller, two little ones and the DC Metro, I haven't a clue) and occasionally to NYC. We used bus, subway, metro, or train.   As they got older, they felt comfortable navigating those places by themselves and even introduced their friends to those cities via mass transit.  Over the years, I felt that I had exposed them to all the main places in those cities as well as some of the off-the-beaten pathways. 

At this juncture, we have one boy living outside NYC and working in the city and another living outside DC and going to school in that city. I realized that both boys have completely surpassed me in their knowledge of their respective cities: the off-the-beaten-path places to eat, the free events, the best way to navigate the crowds and get around the city.

I attribute it to their natural curiosity but also to their use of bicycles as a means of transport.    On a  bicycle you get to see more of the details of a city; perhaps the small sign announcing a lecture at a local museum, a side street that cuts across a major thoroughfare, or a hole-in-the-wall  serving The Best Pizza Ever local restaurant. 

I love to explore new places on a bicycle.  While I enjoy using my bike for transport- being able to get from here to there under my own steam- the truth is, I am just nosy.  I like to look at other people's homes- to get inspiration on how their gardens grow, what type of paint color they are using, imagining the people who inhabit those homes. 

On a bike you can view homes and situations in a timely manner;  not too quickly as in a car and not too slowly as with walking.  If you would slow down in a car, you would be noted as a possible stalker and if you sped up with walking you would be reported as up to no good.  On a bicycle you are semi-invisible.   You also have the freedom to stop wherever you are and explore the environment on foot. 

Using a bicycle can get you to places rather quickly- especially in this day and age of TRAFFIC.  Click here for a fun video.

On a bicycle you get some exercise, protect the environment and see the sights.  What more can you want?  On these nicer spring days, a bicycle ride clears one's head and gets the blood pumping and moving as a prep for work to be done.  In a couple of weeks it will be National Bike to Work Day -May 18th with the week leading up to it as Bike to Work Week.  If you haven't ever done so, why not plan on it this year?  Brush off the cobwebs from your bike.   Take it to a local bike shop for a tune up and going over.  Plan out your route to work.  Try it.

If you work from home or have a car office due to traveling, why not plan on biking either before or after work.  In some cities they have City Bikes- bicycles you can rent for a period of time.  On May 18th, if you find that you are near one of those kiosks, try biking for 30 minutes at lunch. 

You may find new places and routes in your city or town that you have never seen before. 

More info regarding Bike to Work Day.