Blessed

"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted."  

These are words spoken by Jesus in a section called the Beatitudes. I always thought that it seemed a strange thing for Jesus to say. Most people that I know who mourn or are in mourning don't feel too blessed.

Yet  beatitude means supreme blessedness.  As I am still in the process of mourning the loss of my mother I cannot say that I feel supremely blessed but I do see glimmers of blessed-ness every day.

I see the blessedness of re-connection with family with whom I haven't spoken in a long time.  It might be because of the heightened emotion of grief yet I feel the familial ties and the instant connection when we speak.  There is no pretense nor apologies needed for not connecting sooner.  It is just a comfortable connection of love.

I see the blessedness in the strengthening bonds of friendship.  So many people have offered to help and have cared for our family's immediate needs. It is through the intensity of life and death that binds us closer to one another. We see those who are there for our family through the difficult times. 

I see the blessedness in the ability to view life with an eternal perspective.  Nothing like a death to pull me up short to realize what is truly important in life overall and in my own life specifically.  I think that is one of the reasons that funerals make me cry.  Of course, I am thinking of the person who is gone but there is also the thinking of my own life- what have I done in it, who have I influenced, if any and will God be pleased?   I think for many a funeral is a time of personal reassessment. 

I see the blessedness in the way I view other people. Death's perspective causes me to feel a generosity and grace towards others.   We never know when it will be our last moment.  I want to live so that when I am gone, there are no regrets. Things might be left undone but nothing is left in anger, rudeness or any other negative behavior.   

What about you?  Have you ever had to grieve?  Are you still grieving?  What did you learn about yourself through that process?  What comforted you?  Do you (did you) ever feel blessed by it?  

When Time Stops

Funny how things change.  In a blink of an eye the Bible writes.  One day, we are thinking and planning our day and then something happens.  The phone call. The missed turn. The chance encounter.  

Almost two weeks ago, on a Wednesday morning I had prayed, "use me Lord in whatever, whenever, wherever way you can."  Little would I know that when I prayed that prayer, everything that has transpired since would be a testimony to God, His provision of strength and the witness of so much care and support that friends and community can provide.

From a single phone call that my mom was going to the emergency room our family has been propelled into a whirlwind. From the ER, my mom had an overnight hospitalization. She was released home with a treatment plan for an acute illness. She was home for two days when she died suddenly.  

Shocking to all of us as she was "indestructible" as one cousin said to me.  She had ailments related to aging but overall she was always a vibrant, energetic, active woman.  Sad as we all are, we know that she did not suffer, her passing was painless, she had the love of her life, my dad and her husband of 63 years,  right next to her and she is in Heaven. 

It does feel as if time has stopped.  We are all going through the motions of planning the memorial service, contacting out of town family and friends as well as having to work through the aftermath "to do" list (contacting Social Security, pension, etc.)   I have lost track of the days.  Some days it seems as if the day is spread out so long before me and I don't know what to do next.  But once we get working on things, it seems as if there is not enough time in the day.  Even though the change in our daily lives happened so quickly, we are developing a new routine. These early weeks almost seem to be a freeze frame for acute grief and regrouping.  I do think that this "time stoppage" is a protective mechanism for us. It allows us to concentrate on the immediate.  We do recognize that it is not going to be the permanent. I know that after the service and all the to-do things are accomplished, there will be another"normal" for us. Then time will restart. 

I am also amazed at how much God has provided an inner strength and calmness to do what needs to be done.  So many little things that have happened have demonstrated how, even in the midst of our loss, God cares for each of us.  I am more and more convinced that life consists of these little events;  that one's life is really a series of small dramas and actions that are interwoven into a larger composition.  I find great comfort in knowing that the One who has designed the larger composition cares about each of the little elements that go into it.  

I am grateful that I did pray that prayer that Wednesday morning.  Of course, I was not expecting a death. Yet I do feel that because I was open to be used in whatever way I needed to be, God was/is able to work with me.  I like this new state of openness.  It does take a lot of stress off my plate.  I don't have to be in control, God is.  

How about you?  Have you ever had the feeling that time stopped due to an unexpected action?  How did you handle it?  When did time restart?  In what ways did/can you see God at work?  Have you ever prayed to be used by God?  What happened?  

Welfare Challenge

This week I decided that my husband and I would try the welfare food challenge (see post Up For A Challenge? February 25, 2016).  Our challenge was to eat $57 (allotted $4/person/day) of food for the week.  This was our grocery list: ground beef (1 pound);  1 dozen eggs; 2 lbs bags of whole grain pasta; butternut squash; potatoes; onion; celery; strawberries; grapefruit; apples; grapes; red peppers; grape tomatoes; black olives; yogurt; oatmeal; milk; cream; homemade bread; frozen green beans; peas; tea; coffee (using a gift bag); spaghetti sauce; mayo; butter; olive oil.

Our menus consisted of breakfast:  yogurt + fruit or stovetop old-fashioned oatmeal or poached eggs, toast, grapefruit.  lunch: egg salad sandwiches, any dinner leftovers + grapes or apples  dinner: homemade butternut squash soup; spaghetti with meat sauce; pasta with sautéed vegetables (using up any vegetables from the fridge).  Some of the staples we already had in the pantry- olive oil, mayo, butter, etc.  Actually, I had most of the food already in the fridge- was using up what we had in a different way-  I ball parked the cost of the different foods to try and keep under the $ amount. 

Of course as we conduct this challenge I am aware that we have a safety net.  There is food in our pantry, money in the bank and time to plan our meals.  Many of those on welfare have none of those extras.   I also know how to cook especially making things from scratch. 

This week we also had a few unexpected and un-budgeted expenses.  One such occurred while I I was doing my spring cleaning, I broke a glass shade in our kitchen.  I can replace it but not everyone has the money for the "extras". Those who are on a tight welfare budget most likely would have to make choices between eating, household repairs, medical expenses, car repairs, etc.  Even though  food was the only part of the challenge, the extra expenses this week made me mindful of how tight some budgets may be. 

It is difficult to eat healthy meals with a limited budget.  This time of year we don't have the advantage of farmers' markets or growing our own food. Even if it was harvest season, it takes time and money (purchasing the equipment) to can or freeze food for the future. One can see why some of the working poor have unhealthy eating habits.  In order to stretch the budget, sometimes people choose the calorie dense, nutritionally poor choice. 

I am glad that we tried the challenge.  I would like to practice it again.  It provides a tangible reminder of those less fortunate around us.  It also is good to assess our eating habits, bills and grocery lists. 

Interestingly that this week I came across an article about The Food Project organization. What a great organization- they combine youth, food and community.  "Since 1991, The Food Project has built a national model of engaging young people in personal and social change through sustainable agriculture."  Young people from a variety of backgrounds come together to learn about sustainable agriculture and the practicalities of farming, harvesting, and selling their produce. Part of the food grown is given to food pantries. The program, through the education of agriculture, is bringing people together while giving them information and skills to practice a healthy, simple, relatively inexpensive lifestyle. The program, through the education of agriculture, serves and builds a greater community.  What better way to get to know others, especially those who are different from ourselves, through the working together to provide and share basic resources with one another. 

 

Great Decisions

The mission of the Foreign Policy Association today, as it has been throughout its 97-year history, is to serve as a catalyst for developing awareness, understanding, and informed opinion on U.S. foreign policy and global issues.

The mission of the Foreign Policy Association today, as it has been throughout its 97-year history, is to serve as a catalyst for developing awareness, understanding, and informed opinion on U.S. foreign policy and global issues.

 I have been attending a group, Great Decisions, that reads and discusses foreign policy. Our curriculum is written and provided by the Foreign Policy Administration.  It has been an enlightening and interesting group. (If you are interested in sponsoring or finding a group in your area, Click here. Even if you don't join a group the site has wonderful articles and current reference materials.)

This  semester contains 8 sessions about current affairs, mostly those things taking place in the Middle East and Asia.  We've discussed or will discuss the Middle East alliance, Islamic State, The Kurds, Migration, The Koreas, United Nations, Climate Change and Cuba.  

In all these topics that we discuss there are many issues. They all have complexities and nuances that require Solomon's wisdom. But it seems to me that underlying many of the issues is that a group of people- doesn't matter their nationality or race- feel unrecognized and obscure.  They are feeling that they do not belong, that no one is listening and that there is no recourse except for violence towards those whom they consider  "lesser" than themselves.

I am reminded that most people desire a sense of belonging, a sense of knowing and being known by others and a sense of purpose. For the heavy conflicts in the East, how do you get them to stop long enough to be known?  How do you have them treat each other with decency and respect?  How can they recognize and listen to one another without feeling that they have compromised themselves? 

It is not just " another country's" problem.  Our country may not be in a physical civil war with guns and ammo, but we have the same tensions between those who feel unaccepted and unrecognized and those who are not listening.  It seems as if these same issues rise up whether one lives in the Middle East, Korea or downtown Baltimore. 

What about you?  Do you feel disenfranchised by your government, unrecognized by your religion, unknown by your neighbors, unaccepted by your family?  Or if you are honest, is there anything in your own behavior that might be causing others to feel that same way? 

I love the name of this 97 year-old series- Great Decisions.  I keep thinking that it should be called, Great Discussions because the topics do evoke wonderful discourse but great decisions is more appropriate. I think that everyone needs to make some type of decision- will I just let things happen around me or will I, in whatever small way, participate?    This class has been a first step in starting to grasp what goes on in the world.  The more I learn about others and our "differences", the more I learn at the core of all of our being is just the same;  we all want to be known, to have purpose and to have a sense of belonging. 

My prayer is that each of the groups we study will find that.  To some degree the fighting, the loathing, the bickering will not end until those desires are met.  I can only pray that each person might experience it personally, with the thought that our longing of belonging and purpose is our internal pull to be drawn closer to our Creator, whether we want to recognize that or not.   I think that is the great decision. 

What Is On Your Kitchen Counter?

A couple of years ago I was attending a professional conference.  One of the speakers was Dr. Brian Wansink the director and researcher at Cornell University Food and Brand Lab.  He and his colleagues study the behavioral science of eating behavior, behavior economics and behavior change.  His research is fascinating and once explained, makes sense. Click here to read about their exciting discoveries.

The "ideal' setting on our kitchen counter. 

The "ideal' setting on our kitchen counter. 

One thing they discovered is that the people who kept a  bowl of fruit on their kitchen counter were likely to be eight  pounds lighter than their neighbors.  Not to say that the bowl was warding off the poundage or that it was a talisman for ideal weight.  The bowl of fruit was a reminder to eat a healthy choice.  They also suggest that snacks should be kept on a low shelf (out of line of vision, out of mind) in the pantry.  “It’s your basic See-Food Diet – you eat what you see”, says Dr. Wansink.

To me it is a reminder of how mindless we (or at least I am) are in eating.  Seems as if there is any bowl of anything on the counter I will eat it.  Of course, eating from the bowl is better than eating from the bag or box but it is mindless nonetheless.  I do find that many times I reach for a snack when I really am just thirsty.  Dr. Wansink's mantra is to make the healthy choice the easy choice.  He suggests when choosing the healthy choice to make it Convenient, Attractive and Normal.  (CAN)

How is your kitchen?  Do you make the healthy choice the easy choice?  For you, your family, your friends?  What small step can you do to make over your eating habits?  Check out the Cornell website  for simple ways to change your eating habits. 

Do the Hard Thing First

Over the weekend we went bicycling around town.  My husband wanted to show me and our home-for-spring-break son a new bicycle path.  It was a lot of fun and as always, we get to see our city in a different light when riding on the back of a bike.

The twenty mile trip was a large loop- heading south from our home, then turning west, heading north and then east back to home.  When we traverse east and west we have to navigate a fairly large hill. There is no way round.   The only choice is which way round: either a very long, fairly gradual uphill climb or a shorter, steeper version.  The guys opted for the shorter, steeper version and did very well climbing it.  I climbed it too but not on the bicycle.  My bike and I had a nice walk  up the hill.

We have done a similar route in the past, but it doesn't include traversing this large hill.  When we do the flatter version, about 2 miles from our home I am ready to return.  I am tired and have had it.  Today, when we came to the same area where I usually am fatigued I thought this is no problem.  After traversing those other hills, this is a piece of cake.   I had done the hard cycling already and so when I came to an area that was difficult but not as difficult as what I had just done,  I was prepared and could do it.

In time management circles they always suggest that one does the hard task, the task that you keep putting off, first. Yesterday I definitely saw why that is.

  1. You get it out of the way.  When you know something is inevitable I find the anticipation is worse than the actuality.
  2. It makes everything that comes afterward so much easier. It puts things in perspective; everything after the hard task seems like a piece of cake even if in the past that "piece of cake" experience was once the hard thing.
  3. You experience  such a relief. There is a collective sigh that one can move on to something else. 

What about you?  Do you have to accomplish something difficult that you keep delaying?  Is it something for work or is it personal?  Is it weighing on your mind?  Why not try and scratch that activity off your to-do list by tackling it first thing in the morning?  Commit to getting the hard thing done first and you may experience a lightness of being the rest of the day.  What do you have to lose?

 

Wired

One of my favorite actors is Ewan McGregor.  I enjoy some of his body of work but I really enjoy his interviews on various talk shows.  He just seems to have a joie de vive and a generous spirit. He embodies the adage, "do what you love and love what you do". He takes such delight in his environment, what he is doing, and the people whom he meets. 

I heard him once discuss his experience on giving up smoking.  He was a heavy smoker and finally had enough.  He said that he spent so much time looking for his smoking accoutrements-lighter, cigarettes, ashtray-every time he sat down that he just  couldn't  sit down. He had to make sure that he had all his "stuff" and he would fiddle with all those things.  He couldn't leave the house without checking and rechecking that he had all his smoking paraphernalia. There was so much activity just to keep the habit going.  Now that he is not smoking he says that he is at peace. He has a sense of tranquility.  When he sits down now, he can just sit and enjoy the experience. 

Collection of known usable wires that keep us "connected".  In addition, there is a box somewhere that contains cords and wires to those electronic devices which have gone to the great beyond. 

Collection of known usable wires that keep us "connected".  In addition, there is a box somewhere that contains cords and wires to those electronic devices which have gone to the great beyond. 

I feel that way with all the cords and wires to keep us electronically connected. Every time we go on a trip we have added to our checklist litany, 'Do you have your chargers- for the phone, the laptop, all your devices?"   

One summer we were packing up from our stay at our rented vacation cottage.  For reasons that take too long to explain, my one son had put all his electronic cords, mouth retainer and other (expensive)  sundries into a plastic grocery bag.  The four of us in the family were doing our respective "getting ready to leave" jobs: final vacuum through, packing the back of the car, loading the bikes onto the roof rack and collecting the trash which was in a plastic grocery bag like the one my son used as his "luggage". You can only guess what happened.  We did not discover the switch until we were ten hours away, dropping off this son at his college apartment. The restful and peaceful feeling of our two week vacation was immediately shattered with the seemingly innocent inquiry, "Mom, where did you put the white plastic grocery bag?"

Somedays I wish I could quit the habit of the electronic devices and the need (seemingly)  to be connected all the time.   Somedays it seems as if the cost of the devices- keeping track of their whereabouts, keeping them charged, updating the information, figuring out how to use them properly- far outweighs any benefit.  Somedays the red circle or ding of a reminder that I have a text message, a notification or an email is anxiety producing.  I can feel my heart rate increase. The red is too reminiscent of the red marker from school. "What did I miss?,  Did I do something wrong? Have I broken something?"

When I get anxious I know that I need to take an electronic fast.  I need to take a deep breath and realize that I am not going to get an "F" for failing to respond to a message or alert immediately.  I need to set the electronics aside so that peace and tranquility can reign in my heart. 

I have an acquaintance who makes a point of taking an electronic sabbath one day a week or at least a good part of one day. She and her husband have agreed not to look at emails, turn on the computer or respond to text messages.  Admirable.  To be honest, I think I might have a tough time not being electronically connected for a whole day.  Although the times when I couldn't be connected to an electronic device for whatever reason (current location has no service, attending a workshop or meetings, on a trip), I have felt such lightness of being, kind of like a snow day.  I always feel rejuvenated and ready to come back to the "electronic age".  

What about you?  Are you too wired?  Do you get frustrated with all the cords, wires and connections of which you need to keep track? How do you handle it?  Physically and emotionally? Have you ever not been connected?  What was the reason?  How did you feel when you finally "reconnected"?   Have you ever taken an electronics fast?

Aren't we fortunate to be living in an age where we can choose how we use the tools that improve our lives?  I just need to remember that the electronic devices are to be used and not to let them use me.  I need  to choose peace and tranquility.   I need to choose not to be "wired". 

Leap Year

There seems to be flowers for other holidays, so I purchased a small bouquet for my desk.  What is recommended  for Leap Year?

There seems to be flowers for other holidays, so I purchased a small bouquet for my desk.  What is recommended  for Leap Year?

Happy Leap Year! When I was a kid it seemed as if leap year was one of those notations on the calendar that was recognized and was talked about, not as anything special but rather an interesting footnote, kind of like Lincoln's Birthday.  The biggest concern was "What would you do if you had a birthday on leap year?  When did you celebrate?  More importantly, when did you get presents?"

Leap year was designed to keep the calendar year synchronized with the astronomical or seasonal year. Since seasons and astronomical events don't repeat in whole number days, in order to keep whole days in a calendar, an extra day is inserted every four years to keep things on track.  According to Wikipedia, "The same type of problem happens in the relationship between the day and the number of seconds in the day: If you divide the larger measure of time by the smaller, you do not get a whole number. Instead, the result is an unending decimal".  To prevent the calendar drift of half days, leap year was invented.  The "leap" comes from the fact that while a fixed date in the Gregorian calendar advances one day a week from one year to the next, in the following year of a leap year, the fixed date "leaps" over a day of the week.  For example, February 1 , 2013 fell on a Friday. The next year, 2014 it fell on a Saturday, then in 2015 it fell on a Sunday. In 2016 it fell on a Monday. Because 2016 is a "leap year"  February 1, 2017  will "leap" over Tuesday and will fall on Wednesday. 

The idea of leaping got me thinking.  What types of idioms  (or expressions) do you know which have leap in them? Here are some that I found:

"leap at a chance",  "leaps and bounds", "leap into someone's mind", "leap to conclusions", "leap at someone or something", "leap for joy", "leap forward", "leap out (of something)", "leap over", "look before you leap", "leap in the dark".

The one that I love is "leap of faith".  Two of the definitions of leap are to "propel one forward" and "to enter eagerly into an activity".  The idea that I am eagerly willing to enter into the activity that requires me to have some faith and that will propel me forward is encouraging and exciting. 

By nature I am not a risk taker.  I am a plodder and planner.  I have enough trouble leaping from rock to rock when traversing a small stream on a hike let alone leaping out on faith into a vast unknown of all the "biggies" in life- job opportunities, where to live, moving, marriage decisions, financial responsibilities of college and retirement.  Yet because they are the "biggies" I came to the conclusion long ago that there was nothing I could do to control them.  I had to have faith in something/someone bigger than myself and to believe that God's plan for me was much better than the limited one that I could foresee.  

As it is leap year, I am reminded of the times when big circumstances required me to make a leap of faith. Many times it was hard, kind of walking out onto a ledge and not seeing what is ahead or underneath you.  But I can honestly say that when I completely trusted God, I was never disappointed.  When I listened to His leading, my feet were on solid ground. 

But I am wondering if I am making the small, daily  leaps of faith?  Am I trusting God with the smaller things in my life as I trust him with the biggies?  If not, why not?  Certainly his track record is excellent.  Can I make that leap of faith that today, I am being propelled forward into an eagerly awaited activity?  Am I looking at my day with the expectation of faith- that what I am being called to do today, could be as mundane as walking the dogs, excites me because of the possibilities that await me?  Am I open to possibilities? 

 Do I trust God enough that whatever and wherever He calls me, He is faithful to provide me with what I need for the journey?   

What about you?  Have you ever had to make a leap of faith?  How did it work out?  

One thing I have noticed with my physical, rock leaping "skill" on hikes- the more I do it, the more sure-footed I become. I have noticed that the more I make those spiritual leaps of faith, the more eager I become to see what awaits me and what is on the other side.

Up For a Challenge?

Yesterday I had the privilege to hear author Barbara Morrison speak about her memoir: Innocent:  Confessions of a Welfare Mother.  It was eye-opening and inspirational.  Ms. Morrison had a college education and prior work experience, yet due to a series of circumstances she found herself at twenty-four, divorced, abandoned by her husband, disowned by her parents,  pregnant, with an eighteen month old and no job prospects.  She couldn't cover the cost of childcare, food, rent, clothing, transportation and so was forced to make the "choiceless" choice- receive welfare. She talked about the challenges welfare recipients face and the misunderstanding of the system.

Yes, her situation was extremely difficult and in her talk she alluded to it.  I am sure that there were many dark days and nights for her.  Yet I was struck by her matter of fact explanations, her generosity of spirit towards those who did her harm and her focus on the positive of her experience. She discovered and experienced a true community in the poor neighborhood with the other welfare mothers where she lived.  She was surprised to discover such kindness that if one didn't have enough food stamps to make it to the end of the month, someone in the community would share.  If a person in the community had a job interview, all the members would help provide decent "interview" clothing as no one had a complete ensemble.  If one was sick, someone in the community would watch her children until she got better. 

There is a sense that she doesn't take her current life situation for granted.  As she states, so many people are living from paycheck to paycheck.  All it takes is an accident, health issue or job layoff and they too would have to make the "choiceless" choice of becoming a welfare recipient.  She is grateful that every April 15th she has the privilege to pay taxes knowing that she can share her good fortune with others.  Sure the system might have its flaws but overall we are fortunate to live in a country where the systems relatively work. 

She was a product of the welfare system and the reason for the safety net.  Some people just need a little help to get going.  From the good fortune of legislature timing and kindness of others, she was able to receive a grant that enabled her to learn a new skill and get a job with upward mobility.  

She speaks about the stereotypes and judgements we all make of each other. "Lazy welfare mothers, hard hearted social workers, uncaring parents."  Her story once again underscores our need need to put ourselves in others' shoes for a while to see what their lives are like before we make snap comments.  

One way we can practice empathy is to take the food stamp challenge.  Can you live for one week on the same daily monetary allotment for food that a welfare recipient receives?  (approximately $4 per person per day)  In our household there are two of us- $8 a day x 7 days = $56 for the week for groceries.  If you use any food that is already in your household, subtract that amount from your daily amount. 

Click here to read more about the challenge.  

What is your feeling about the welfare system?  Have you ever experienced a "handout"?  How did that make you feel?  Have you ever had to live paycheck to paycheck?  Would you consider trying the food stamp challenge?  If you try it, please comment. 

 

Empathy

   There is a beautiful video from the Cleveland Clinic setting the groundwork for empathy.  Click here to see the video.  What I love about this four minute montage is that is reminds me that every person we encounter throughout our day has a story.  One could argue that a hospital intensifies situations but I think if you did a similar montage in a mall, school or local street your would see the same spectrum of fears, heartbreak, pain and joy.

I know that I have written a lot about empathy.  It just seems as if there isn't much of it going around.  Everyday there is another story of a group of people not getting along, harming each other with words or actions and ripping apart the fabric of our society.  It is another story of people thinking of themselves and not of anyone else. It is another story of people not being empathetic to one another. 

I guess like any other habit or behavior we want to change it is best to recognize the problem first. When people only think of themselves it comes out in their speech- "I, mine, me."  How many times do we talk about ourselves only?  Do we use the "I,mine, me" language more than the "you, yours, us"?  Certainly in this political environment, one doesn't have to look far to hear examples.  There is a fun country song by Toby Keith called "I Wanna Talk about Me."   The chorus goes: "Wanna talk about me; Wanna talk about I; Wanna talk about number one; Oh my me my; What I think; what I like; what I know; what I want; what I see; I like talking about you, you, you, you usually; But occasionally; I wanna talk about Me."  I know that times I have to stop myself and honestly ask, am I doing that?

We can start paying attention to those around us. We might not be comfortable asking the person standing behind us online at the grocery story, "How's it really going?" but we could offer a smile and say a silent prayer that today they would receive whatever they need to keep going. We can recognize that there might be something big going on in their lives.  Bigger and more important then the purchase of a loaf of bread, bananas and milk.  We can recognize that a little kindness might be all they need to separate a lousy day from a pretty good one.   

We can start by keeping the lines of communication open to our family, friends and neighbors. Whether we want to ask the people around us how they are, we can still be aware of the nuances of their reactions, statements and behaviors.  Many times it is through the simple act of spending time together and listening to each other that we can start to develop empathy and consideration for others. 

What about you?  How's your empathy level?  Have you ever spent a day wondering about the unsaid realities of the people you meet? 

 

Start Your Week With a Smile

Last week my sister shared with me a video about the "Oldest Hip Hop Dance Troupe in the world".  They are called the Hip Op-eration Crew.  Visit their website. Their story and the story of Billie Jordan their "dance instructor" is inspirational. Click here to hear BIllie's Ted Talk

What I love about the story is that Billie reached beyond herself, her pain, and her loneliness to help others, the aged in her community, who were also feeling lonely, without purpose, and without hope for a future.  Billie believed in these marginalized elderly people and provided an expectation that was missing in their lives. As she says they no longer talk about the past but rather make plans for the future. She has given back to them their dignity and their humanity.  They in turn have given those things back to her. 

The thing is, not only has the common purpose of the troupe been good for their emotional and mental state it is also providing them with physical benefits. Sure there are healthy issues.  The ages range from upper sixties to upper nineties with the average age being eighty. But Billie works with what she has and encourages the troupe to keep striving and doing.  As of 2015, after two years from starting the troupe, she hadn't lost any to death and the consensus from their physicians was that they are all in better shape.  

As they say under their website's beliefs statement, "Even though their age can limit their dancing capabilities, they are all inspired by the founders of hip hop from the Bronx who believed it’s not about limitations, it’s about possibilities. Regardless of their age and physical ability, they are not letting those limitations get in the way of learning hip hop." 
 

Certainly their story is a great reminder that we are never too old to learn and grow.  We are never too old to find purpose and meaning in our lives.  We are never to old to strive for healing and wholeness in body, mind and spirit. We are never to old to encourage and inspire others. We are never too old for possibilities. 

 Click here to see The Crew perform    Watch it and be inspired.  Guaranteed to put a smile on your face. 

How To "Play Nice"

This week in the wake of Chief Justice Scalia's untimely death, I found it interesting to hear a story about Chief Justice Breyer and his speech on Wednesday at Yale University Law School.  In the introduction of his speech he spoke of his friend and colleague Chief Justice Antonin Scalia.  The two were known for their polar opposition regarding the constitution: Chief Justice was an "originalist" that the justices should determine what the framers' original intent was and stick to it.  Chief Justice Breyer is a believer of "fluid constitution", that the values of the framers' must be molded to apply to our modern society. 

What caught my ear was that even though these gentlemen disagreed, they were respectful of each other and were friends.  In some ways, they agreed to disagree and enjoyed a good legal argument.  When I googled information about the justices, there were stories upon stories about their opposition but about their mutual respect of each other.  

How refreshing.  If only our current political candidates and our legislation could be so cordial with each other.  If only they would "agree to disagree".  But it made me wonder- how does one agree to disagree?  I feel that I don't see that practiced often enough and wonder even if I practice it.

There are many online psychology sites and relationship sites that talk about it.  There are ways to "agree to disagree" in marriage, in friendship, in the workplace, and in day to day interactions.  The commonality in the different scenarios seems to be- one needs to be empathetic and put oneself in the other's position.  In doing so, you build communication.  You listen, you show respect for the other person, you don't discuss a heated issue when either one is emotional or upset, you don't make any arguments personal, you speak to common issues and needs (if possible), you compromise and you humbly realize that you might not have all the answers. 

Interestingly that there was an article in the Sunday New York Times that spoke to divisiveness in our society.  Even though it was not stated it seems as if the commonality behind divisiveness and the avoidance of anything that appears to be divisive is that we as a society do not know how to "play nice" with each other in essence, how to respectively agree to disagree.  Instead we decide to avoid talking about issues at all.  Of course, in doing so we break down communication and understanding even further.

Upon reflection, I can see that avoidance in my own life and in the lives of people I know.  There have been times when topics or ideas seem to be divisive.  In some ways, the prevailing idea is that to keep the peace, there will not be any discussion about the situation.  Sometimes that is a wise course of action and certainly it is an easier one but generally avoidance is like covering an infected wound without the aid of any treatments.  Not a good practice.  At best there will never be any healing and at worst a chance of septicemia and death.

How are you with agreeing to disagree?  Do you discuss opinions or topics with family, friends, co-workers?  What does it look like?  Have you ever "argued" with someone trying to keep their needs and viewpoint in mind?  How did it go?

It seems to me discussing difficult subjects or opinions in a respectful way is needed if we want to be healthy in our individual relationships and in our societal ones. 

 

Room For Improvement

 I love playing tennis.  I have always loved it but it wasn't until my adult years (and a couple of lessons) that I really started enjoying it. It is definitely my exercise of choice.  I think I like it because I am finally  at a point where I am a decent enough player.  Not superb but at least I am at a point where I can enjoy playing the game and not fret over every shot and, I hope, my opponent can enjoy having a good game too.  I think I also enjoy it because, as some of my tennis friends attest, when and where else can women of a certain age wear short skirts and not look too ridiculous. 

Once when walking onto the court I heard a comment from the group walking off, "Well", said the older gentleman, "I left room for improvement."  

I loved it.  I felt he captured so much more than a tennis philosophy.  What a great lesson for life: Leaving room for improvement.

Do I leave room for improvement for myself and for others?  Or, do I unrealistically expect perfection?  Leaving room for improvement implies that there is more to the action- that there is time and space given before moving forward.  It implies that everything can be improved. Perhaps respite is needed  before continuing but there is still work to be done.  

I like the idea that one has a choice about how we improve.  We can be frenzied and overworked in trying to immediately hit the mark or we can be systematic, paced and timely in our striving.  It is a philosophy that is humbling and freeing at the same time.  It is a philosophy that gives me permission to freely strive for improvement without having to be bound to unattainable goals. 

What about you?  Have you left room for improvement?  If so, in what?