WE ARE All .... HERE

This past week I spent the day in New York with our one son. We had a fun day poking around in consignment shops, bookstores and areas in the city where we hadn't spent much time before. Walking down one of the streets there was a large sign affixed to a church wall.  It read "We are Orlando." 

The sign made me think of a story I had recently read about Master Sgt. Roddie Edmonds. Master Sgt. Edmonds was a non-commissioned officer in the US Army during WWII.   He and his men were in the Battle of the Bulge and were taken prisoners.  At one of the Stalags, the prisoners were told that the Jewish POWs were to fall out to be counted.  When the time came, all 1,275  prisoners stood together in formation.  As the highest ranking officer in the camp, Master Sgt. Edmonds was the one in front.  The commandant was furious. He came over to Edmonds and yelled at him, "You can't all be Jews."  Edmonds looked at him and said, "We are all Jews here."  The commandant took his gun, pointed at Edmonds' head and demanded that Edmonds tell him who were the Jews or he would shoot Edmonds.  Edmonds replied, "According to the Geneva Convention, we are only required to give our name, rank and serial number.  If you shoot me, you will have to shoot all of us and when we win this war, you will be tried for war crimes." (Read more about his story)

His son knew his father had a harrowing war experience but never knew the entire story.  It was only after his dad's death, going through old diaries that he started putting the pieces together. He discovered his dad's name referenced in a New York Times article about Richard Nixon trying to buy an apartment in New York after he had resigned and left office.  The article spoke of Lester Tanner, a lifelong Democrat who in hearing about Nixon's predicament, sold him his Manhattan townhouse.  Even though Mr. Tanner did not share Nixon's political beliefs, Tanner believed that a person should not be blackballed like that.  

Mr. Tanner had served in the Army with Master Sgt. Edmonds and had witnessed Edmonds' bravery. Because of it, Mr. Tanner said that he decided that for the rest of his life he would always do the right thing. 

In the wake of the horrible tragedies of Baton Rouge, Orlando, Nice, Dallas (the list seems to go on and on) I wonder if we can remember that we are all humans here. By the grace of God go all of us. At any one moment, a certain group can be singled out. Isn't that what those who are intent on doing harm want to do? Cull the group? Pick on the most vulnerable?  Force each other to turn on one another? 

We need to stand shoulder to shoulder against the forces of evil, prejudice, and hate.  We need to decide to do the right thing and not allow this divisiveness to wedge and split our society.  We need to be wiling to speak out when injustice occurs. We need to be willing to work together with those with whom we disagree. We need to be willing to listen to one another. We need to have the courage to say to those who are intent on harm, this is the wrong way to go about getting your point across. We need to have the mindset of Master Sgt, Edmonds that we are all one here. 

I have never been in a life or death situation where my beliefs have been called into question.  I pray that if I ever did I would do the right thing.  But every day I do have the choice whether I will treat the person who doesn't look, speak or think like I do, with respect, dignity and love. 

What about you?  What choices do you have to make? 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". ~Edmund Burke

Nipping the Buds

Pokeberries.  Seems as if I have a cash crop of the plant this year.  Every where I turn in the garden I see the little seedlings poking their heads up.  I cannot even tell you the number of small plants I have pulled thus far. 

The sad thing is I know that I haven't gotten nearly all of them.  Before I know it, the plant will be so developed that it will have a tap root that makes it almost impossible to pull.  Once established if I try to pull a plant out,  I have to wade into the garden, squat down directly over the plant, place both hands, one over top of the other near the base of the root and pull with all my might.  Generally it results with me rocking and then falling backwards on my bottom with a broken off base and the root in terra firma.   I can't even disturb the dirt. 

If I pull the pokeberries when the leaves are small, I can lean into the garden and over the plant. I don't even have to be that close.  Sometimes if I spot a plant in the back of the garden I will have to lean in so far that I am balancing on one leg while keeping the other outstretched behind me (imagine a very clumsy ballerina dressed in mud stained khakis, bleached splattered t-shirt and green wellies) In using one hand, I will grab hold of the plant from the top and gently pull.  The plant plus roots comes cleanly and smoothly out of the ground. Voila.  One less pokeberry. 

But I have to be diligent in looking for these weeds.  I can spend hours weeding in one particular spot almost 100% guaranteed that I have pulled all the weeds and wouldn't you know, I blink and there are a bunch of pokeberries hiding behind my perennials. They are prolific. 

Pokeberries remind me of bad habits: those little annoyances that at first don't seem too bad but before you know it, they are firmly entrenched into your lifestyle.   In fact, they might even be camouflaged as not so bad habits. Yet, once they take root in your life they are a bear to eliminate. The bad habits seems to spread to others and they pop up every where you look.   

 Each year I vow to be more diligent in eliminating these weeds.  I don't like using any chemical sprays as I believe there are more long term effects to nature so I rely on hand weeding.  This year I think I am on top of it but I know come August I will see the pocked marked purple cluster of berries somewhere in the garden.  But, I also have fewer than last year. 

What about you?  Do you have any bad habits have developed into problems? What could you have done to prevent it?  Or could you?  Is it a matter of saying no to something or saying yes to something else?  Are you procrastinating doing something?  What happens the longer you let it go?  Does it develop into a bigger problem?  Does it go away? 

Of course to the birds the pokeberries are just fine. As analogies go, some "bad" habits might not be bad in another context.  It might take some reflection to see if there are any habits that are creeping in and preventing you from achieving your goals: to honestly reflect if they are bad or is there something unexpectedly good about them.  If you determine that they are hindering you, you might want to think about strategies to nip it in the bud. Pull out those pokeberries when they are easy rather than hard. 

Tennis Lessons

Do you ever have a reoccurring discussion in your head?  You know, the one that plays on repeat- "You are not good enough; You'll never achieve thus and such; You should've done this; You screwed up on that; How come you can't do...?"

Turns out, we are not alone.  Serena Williams the 2016 women's Wimbledon champion has had similar thoughts.  She had a couple of years where she was in the top rankings but just couldn't get a Grand Slam win.  During this time Williams states, "I had to start looking at positives, not focusing on that one loss per tournament which really isn't bad,,, Once I started focusing more on the positives, I realized that I'm pretty good."  

Huh?  She says that she is pretty good?  I would say she's more than that with her winning 22 major tennis titles.  But still she has/had her own demons.

From her losses at the Australian and French Opens, she said that she "learned that you can't win everything, even though I try really hard.  I do the best that I can.  I still am not going to be perfect." 

Life seems to be made up more of our failures rather than our successes.  Or at least that is how we think and that is how we think others, think.   In actuality we probably have just as many successes as losses, albeit small ones, but successes nonetheless.  We are "pretty good" when we just do the best that we can. 

There are times when our negative thoughts loop over and over in our brains.  It paralyzes us from moving forward. We can get so caught up with our failure to achieve perfection, that we miss the accomplishments that occur while striving for excellence. In our own way, we become like Serena and her quest for a Grand Slam tournament, almost achieving our goals but not quite. 

What to do about it?   A couple of days before I read the article describing Serena Williams' new mind set, I was thinking about my own situation and my slump of not moving forward.  I thought that I need to practice some type of strategy to stop this negative cycle of thinking. I remembered reading a tip:  For every negative thought, state three positives.  Don't even let the negative thoughts take hold in one's mind.  Try to banish them with three positives right away. 

What about you?  Do you ever play the negative thoughts record?  How do you stop?  Can you stop?  Do you not even start?  What in your life is "pretty good"?  Write those down for future positive comments. If you haven't achieved a big goal, what smaller ones have you done?   Is it getting out of bed this morning?  Depending upon your situation that can be pretty good. You might not have won any "titles", but have you gotten close? 

If for nothing else, can you see your negative situation as a teachable example for someone else? Sometimes our failures are the inspiration and encouragement that someone else needs. 

Universal Precautions

Once again as a nation we are reeling from the destruction from guns and the misconstrued notion of what it means to agree to disagree.  We all talk about stopping the insanity yet we seem to be powerless to do anything about it.  I think deep down we want someone else to fix our social ills when really each one of us needs to take responsibility for the problem of hatred, violence and de-humanization of those whom we deem "different" from us. Whether we like it or not, we are called into community with each other.  We need each other for our own survival and certainly for the survival of our nation. 

Sometimes I wonder if some of our problem lies with the words that we choose to describe ourselves: black, white, hispanic, LGBT, liberal, conservative.  Sometimes I wonder if in our quest to be equal and diverse we have only focused on the diverse, which can lead (and has led) to division. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps the simplest solutions might be the most complex to achieve. 

When I was in nursing school, the AIDS epidemic was just beginning.  There wasn't much information on how to treat and care for those with AIDS.  However, it was known that the pathogen was blood borne and so there needed to be precautions in place for the caregivers. 

I remember many a discussion with fellow students about the disease, the known transmission, and the care and treatment of those with HIV and AIDS.  I do remember a very heated and lively discussion with one student who was very opinionated about his feelings towards the lifestyle of people with AIDS. Underlying his strong comments was a vein of fear and misunderstanding. 

At that point there was a difference in treating and handling AIDS patients than with "regular" patients.   For example, one didn't need to wear gloves for drawing blood with "regular" patients but did for those with AIDS.  Eventually It was determined that all patients should be treated in the same manner, that hospital and medical personnel would wear protective equipment (gloves, face shield, etc.) for any procedure that was at risk for exposure to bodily fluids.  No longer would assumptions be made.  No longer would anyone else be able to tell the difference among patients by the way the staff were treating them.  From the idea of universal- everyone the same- precautions it is now called standard precautions.  No longer is there any thought based on the type of patient about how one handles personal protective equipment.  It is just done for all. Standard. 

I wonder if we can begin to end this fear and hatred of diverse people by stop drawing attention to our divisions and instead looking at our similarities.   Can we look at people as people- universal and not as red or blue or black or white?   Can we see that all people want respect, recognition and a sense of purpose? Can we be open to law enforcement and government recognizing that there might be a better way for them to do their jobs? Can we finally admit that we cannot fix the problem through violence? Can we go beyond our prejudices, our assumptions and our fears?  Can we see others as sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, friends- people who are loved and who love in return?  Can we just see people, no labels or demographic descriptions, as a matter of course?  Can it be done for all?   Standard.

All lives matter- no matter the color, creed, religion or profession. 

Let It Be, Let It Bloom...

My hydrangeas are coming along this year.  Not as many blooms as last but still have some nonetheless.  I didn't think we would have any.  We had an unusual spring which caused a concern in our area that the hydrangeas were ruined.  We had had a cold snap after the bushes started leafing out and with the frigid temperatures, those early leaves turned brown and shriveled up.  On almost all of the branches the leaves didn't arrive and so the bushes looked a mess, just brown twigs sticking out of a few green and brown leaves.

Many of my neighbors were concerned and worried that their bushes were dead.  They were panicking to do something about it:  should we cut off the old twigs, pluck off the browned leaves, pull the bushes out?  

O ye (me)  of little faith.  My experience is that hydrangeas are quite hardy.  The bushes I have were all taken from cuttings of good New England stock.  At least that is what I initially said.  I should've left well enough alone and listened to my own advice.   

After hearing my neighbors talk and seeing how they had "cleaned up" their bushes, I panicked too.  I started looking at my bushes with the dead leaves and instead of seeing the growth process, I envisioned dead bushes.  I thought I had better clean up the plants by cutting back the twigs.  For a time being the bushes looked okay but now when they should be in bloom and all the others that I didn't touch are, I am upset with myself.  Why did I mess with them?    I succumbed to peer pressure and didn't go with my gut instinct. 

In some ways, no harm, no foul.  The bushes will come back in full bloom next year.  But they are a physical reminder to me that I shouldn't get so caught up with what others are doing and saying.   I need to trust my own instinct.  I also should remember that most of life is for the long haul, not the temporary and short-lived experiences.  So by cutting a little "dead" wood now and not allowing the branch to come back on its own and on its own time, I have missed out on a better bloom.  

What about you?  Have you ever succumbed to a trend or fad?  Have you ever listened and then done, what others were doing?  How did it work out?  Have you ever trusted your own instincts regardless of others?  Have you ever just let something be?  

A Passionate Life

For many years, every Sunday I looked forward to looking at Bill Cunningham's column in The New York Times.  In fact, I skipped the front page, the sports page and headed straight to SundayStyles and Bill's photos.  

Bill Cunningham was a fashion and society photographer for the New York Times.  He was working up until his death two weeks ago at the age of 87.  He had two regular spots in the Style section:  one a photo montage of what the average person on the street was wearing and another showing the various attendees, famous or not, to galas and events around the city. 

His photos are great but what always captivated me was the man: so humble, honest, focused, gracious, hard working and passionate about what he did.  He was a purist for art and beauty. He was never concerned about celebrity or photos for money.  He just loved fashion and loved recording it.  (If you get a chance, watch the 2011 documentary on him, Bill Cunningham New York)

In an interview last fall, when asked about his current age (and the implication of why he is still working), he said he didn't think about age because that was not the important thing, "the important thing is I am enjoying what I do."  Click here to see an interview

He lived a extremely simple lifestyle, spartan in fact, in order to be true to his art form and to his passion.  Certainly an eccentric but a lovable one.  

I am not called to live a life like his but I am encouraged about his single-mindedness and his passion.  Makes me wonder about my own life, my calling and how do I reflect my values?  Am I gracious and humble in what I do?  Do I treat all people the same- rich or poor, famous or not? Of course I do not rub shoulders with anyone at all in the circles that he saw but I certainly can show favoritism and divisiveness with whom I come in contact and I shouldn't. Do I look at life as an ever changing beautiful place? 

What about you?  Do you have a passionate life?  Do you know anyone who does?  What does it look like? 

Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Fourth of July.  What does the fourth mean to you?  An extra day of the weekend?  A time for gathering with family?  A day at the beach or lake?  A day of reflection on being an American? 

In this election year it seems that the idea of patriotism seems changed.  I know that I am embarrassed by the political coverage especially from other countries and their media sources.  With all the name calling and hateful speech one wonders if we can ever agree about the meaning of the fourth of July or what our country represents and of our American freedoms. 

I have always loved the stories of our founding fathers.  What I find incredible was their foresight, sacrifice and courage.   Of course, I might be coming from a western European, WASPy background and thus feel in agreement with their philosophy.  But I think it is more than that.

When I went to Ellis Island and read the stories and accounts of the newer wave of immigration, I saw the principles and ideals from our founders at work and still being upheld.  Ours is a country of deliverance and freedom - one can come to our shores and have a new start.  One can come and freely practice one's religion.  One can speak one's mind about all sorts of subjects.  One can put the past behind and turn to a new beginning. 

One of the costs of freedom is responsibility.  Just like we tell our children- you earn freedom to do things on your own by being responsible and showing that you can handle it. 

As free citizens we have a responsibility to those who are also part of the country's collective. Just as I have rights, so too does my fellow American.  That means that I am respectful of others.  I allow them to freely speak and offer opinions just as I do. That means I am willing to get involved with self-governance; from the very least of voting to more involvement of civic matters. That means I am a good steward of my country and its resources.  That I am willing to sacrifice some of my personal freedom (time, talents, resources) for the greater good of the freedom of all. 

What about you?  Have you always lived in America?  If not, what was your experience?  As an American do you feel patriotic?  If the American Revolution was happening today, what side would you be on?  The British?  The rebels?  Or would you not be involved? 

"May it be to the world, what I believe it will be… the signal of arousing men to burst the chains.. and to assume the blessings and security of self-government.  That form, which we have substituted, restores the free right to the unbounded exercise of reason and freedom of opinion. All eyes are opened, or are opening to the rights of man… For ourselves, let the annual  return of this day forever refresh our recollections of these rights, and an undiminished devotion to them.” 

Thomas Jefferson
June 24, 1826
Part of the last letter he wrote before he died. He was declining an invitation to come to Washington, DC for the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. 

The Greatest

Michael Phelps.   The greatest swimmer that ever was.  (To mangle a quote from one of my favorite movies, The Natural)  The most decorated Olympic athlete ever. (18 gold medals and 22 total)   A man with so much: so much potential and so much waste.  Tragic. 

There was an interesting article in Sunday's  New York Times Sports section about Michael Phelps.  He is on a comeback journey. 

In April when my husband and I went to Washington D.C. we also visited the Portrait Gallery.  It has great artwork but is not nearly as crowded as the National Galleries.  Plus it is in the old patent office building which my husband likes. 

There was an exhibit on portraits of various famous individuals- some from entertainment, some from politics, others from sport. For each subject they gave a brief explanation about the person, his/her accomplishments and life.  For Michael Phelps, all the swimming accomplishments were overshadowed by his poor decisions resulting in DUI arrests.  To have all his athletic accomplishments and then to be reduced to one's poor decisions is tragic. 

As his coach told him, " Michael, you have all the money that anybody your age could ever want or need; you have a profound influence in the world; you have free time- and you're the most miserable person I know." 

Part of The New York Times article is describing his comeback and how is on a path to wholeness.  I truly hope that is the case. 

His situation is similar to so many others.  Sure, everything about him is larger than life than most- most people will never achieve the world recognition or fame or wealth, yet the human condition is still the same: we all desire a sense of purpose and a sense that there is something bigger than ourselves and our accomplishments.  As Augustine of Hippo says, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” 

In finding God we find a life bigger than ourselves.  We discover that life is not all about us, not all about our accomplishments and not all about our things.  We find that by humbling ourselves and by serving our fellow humankind we can accomplish far greater things than being the greatest that ever was. 

What about you?  You might not be in Michael Phelps league, but you might feel that you are on a track to destruction. Or that you don't need anyone else's help or support.  Or that you have everything that you could possibly want or desire yet you still feel empty. Do you have a sense of purpose with what you are doing and how you are living your life?   Do you feel that your life is tragic?   If so, have you ever considered looking beyond yourself?  I would suggest that you look to the One who was, is and will always be the greatest- period.  

Give It Up

The other day I was on an excursion to one of my favorite cities to "schmy around".  While there I stopped in the local library.  I can't walk past a book sale. I've always given them a glance. Recently I am always on the look out for art books, writing books and general self-help ones.  

I picked up one that seemed interesting- "Give It up: My Year of Learning to Live Better with Less",  by Mary Carlomagno.  Partly I was curious because in the bio, the author lives in Hoboken, NJ another of my favorite cities and partly because I gravitate to simple living type books.  As the book jacket says, " Like most people, Mary Carlomagno was stressed out, overscheduled, and tripping over the clutter of her days- until she decided to take control and simplify her life.  Each month she renounced one thing: alcohol, shopping, elevators, newspapers, cell phones, dining out, television taxis, coffee, cursing, chocolate and multitasking." 

While there are no real profound truths in the book, it was an easy read and is a good reminder that we all need to take stock of the things that are cluttering our lives.  She does have some interesting observations especially when she refrains from conventional societal norms.  She learns how to stand up for herself and her decisions and not be swayed by the crowd.  

One thing the author does learn is discipline.  She sticks to her plan.  That alone is worth something- to achieve a goal and to see if you have the mettle to do so. By doing so she also becomes stronger knowing that she doesn't fold to peer pressure. She learns self-reliance and has a better understanding of herself.

Books like that have me wonder if I can handle discipline, sacrifice and delayed gratification?  Do I have the fortitude to go the distance?  My worry is that I cannot- after all I am the first one to admit I read the back of the book first. 

First I need to reflect on the things that are getting in my way, that make me feel cluttered, stressed and block my enjoyment in life.  Then I need to try it- to be willing to change, even for a short time and see if doing something differently or eliminating something in my life might make things better. 

Do you feel chronically stressed, anxious, depressed, or angry?  Can you get enough sleep?  Have you done a time management review of your schedule?  Where are you spending your time, energy, resources?  Does that make you feel good or are you resenting it? 

Is there something that is dragging you down that you might consider giving up for a month?  What is it?  What would that look like on your calendar?  For your family?  What could you learn from that?  

Seeing Red

What do you do when you see the dashboard lights?  Ignore them?  Panic?  Pull over right away?  Call your mechanic?  

The other week we had a doozy of a light pop up- the red silhouette of a person with an airbag on its lap.  The message was that the airbag system was malfunctioning.  Oy vey.

I am so sick and tired of red signs and symbols.  First you get all the red circles on your phone- ding, another text message or email.  It is bad enough that the circles are there but in addition to the circle there is the number of unanswered/unopened emails or messages boldly displayed in the middle.  Then there is the blinking light on the answering machine.  Or the power failure for the stove or the dash board light.  Once again reminding you that something is amiss.   

I think the red on the dashboard pushed me over the edge. Enough of these sights and sounds. They all seem to taunt me with the idea that I am not keeping up, doing what I need to do and that I am grossly falling behind.  I feel like I am back in grade school and there is no possibly way I could keep running much less finish the Presidential Fitness Award. I feel that panic that try as I might, my body isn't processing and doing things quickly enough and there is a pack of fitter, more organized, and better individuals out there. 

Just last week my cell phone informed me that I was in danger of running out of storage.   I realized, once again that I was not keeping up with my email or photo management.  

What is a person to do?

I am ready to take a much needed break from technology.  Of course that would greatly affect my writing and my profession.  Many people have jobs where they have to use technology.  There are few options.  Technology is wonderful and in some ways, can make life easier and safer. 

I was discussing this frustration with my family the other night over dinner.  My ever practical son looked at me and wondered what was the big deal. Why couldn't I just see technology as a tool and so then choose when I wanted to use it? 

Touche.  Words that I have said and words that are true but just forgotten when one gets caught up with technology.  I don't have to respond or act right away (unless that dashboard light is screaming that you stop, get out of the car and walk away).  I need to remember that I am in charge of the technology, not the other way around. By definition a tool is a "means to an end" and "may apply to anything necessary to perform a task".  

My nephew has an interesting blog.  Click here to read it.    Over the past week or so, he has had some postings about social media- pros and cons.  I liked his guest writer's opinion about it- looking at technology in the context of addiction, what is feasible and what is not. 

I am going to try and be intentional (that word that I love) in being the one in control of technology rather than the other way around.  Here are some of my ideas: 

• I am trying to stick to a schedule of only checking email a couple of times a day.
• When I do look at emails I will try to respond immediately- either answer it then or delete it. Similar to the old management idea of only touching a piece of mail once- answer, file it or get rid of it. 
• I will take some time each week to organize my electronic files:  move pictures to folders; save (in a folder labeled so I can find) or delete documents.
• I need to put my phone away (nearby but not right on my desk) so that I am not distracted checking messages when I need to be concentrating on work.  This will be a little tricky as I feel that my family needs to get hold of me.  In reality, if there is a little delay it will be okay. 
• At a certain point each day  I need to put the technology down and pick up some low tech- a book, magazine, or paper. 
• Each week I will try and have a technology sabbath.  It might just have to be a part of a day rather than a whole day but still a time when I am away from the computer and cell phone. Generally I feel better when I counterbalance the high tech with the low tech of being outdoors. 

What about you?  Are you bothered by all the blinks, dings, flashing lights and messages of modern devices? Do you find that any type of red marker gets you anxious?  How do you handle it?  What strategies do you employ to keep the technology beast at bay?  Do they work?   

Ordinary Activities or Are They?

Last week on NPR there was a story about gun control.  It was show casing another side of the debate and not just the NRA's view point or lobbying strategy.  The article focused on the partnership behind a grass-root group, "Million Mom Army"  and Michael Bloomberg's vast resources. 

What struck me was how the founder of the "Million Mom Army" or Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, Shannon Watts got involved.  Shannon lives in Zionsville, Indiana, 800 miles away from Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut. She was folding laundry for her family when she heard the news on the radio of that fateful day. It affected her.  She thought that she wanted to do something.  Shannon says,  "I was obviously devastated, but I was also angry".

It spurred her to action. She looked online to see if there were any mother groups about guns similarly to Mothers Against Drunk Driving.  When she didn't see anything, she posted something on her Facebook account.  As she says, she only had 75 friends so when she started getting likes from more and more people, eventually over 1 million, she knew that she was on to something.  

It was then that the following caught the attention of the Bloomberg group who, though they had all the top-down  processes in place, didn't have any grass roots footing.  By partnering, the two groups have formed a formidable organization. 

Now I am not going to debate the gun control issues.  But I am inspired that a person was able to hear something on the radio and do something in her own way.  Initially, it wasn't anything too extraordinary nor requiring too much commitment. In fact it was something that she was doing already- commenting on Facebook. It was in her comfort zone.  As she explored more, she got into things that were new to her which I am sure pushed her beyond her capability.  Certainly all the notoriety, like meeting President Obama, etc. was probably not in her mind when she posted her first Facebook notice.  

It made me think of the organizations and activities in my life.  Am I doing anything that affects change?  Has anything resonated with me that keeps niggling at me to do something more?   What is the issue and what can I do about it?  Ignore it?  Find excuses why someone else is better suited?  Recognize that it is not my time for this endeavor and move on?  Or, explore that thought and see where it leads?   Whether or not, Shannon's organization makes strides, she has certainly continued the dialogue of an issue that is not going away.  

What about you?  Have you wanted to do something but wondered how you could be a change agent? Just like Shannon Watts, you might be going about your normal day when something intersects your life.  Explore that idea.   You never know where it will lead and what that calling will do for you and for others. 

Radical Ramblings

In our town there is an weekly alternative newspaper.  Most weeks the articles and subject matter are a little avant garde, even for me.   This past week though there were some thought provoking articles all on the subject of walking, and specifically walking as a mode of transportation in a city. 

In some ways, it still gets me that we look at walking as if we have a choice.  Isn't that how are bodies are made- to move and to move in the form of walking?  Of course we could roll on the ground to where we need to go or we could crawl on our hands and knees but that is not a desirable mode of transport.

One of the articles in the newspaper was written by a self proclaimed radical pedestrian. Whether he truly believes what he wrote or just trying to provoke, he does have some interesting points. When you are traveling at car-speed, sitting and driving in a car, you don't notice your surroundings. "At car-speed, building simply seem 'dilapidated' and people 'loitering' or 'hanging around'."  When you are walking you get to see the surroundings.  You decide to speak or not to speak with another person out on the street.  You have the opportunity to interact with those surroundings and to elevate the inhabitants from "loiterers" to "people with stories, backgrounds, loves and sorrows".  

We saw the difference of car speed vs. bike or walk speed when we travelled through the city on our bikes a couple of weeks ago.  There were some areas that we went through that, if we had traveled by car, would have been seen as a blight in our city.  We would have been anxious to get through that neighborhood and never give it another thought.  Instead, because we were slowly traveling at bike-speed, we were able to have some conversations with the residents.  They were not long, nor deep interactions but they were interactions nonetheless.  The residents asked about our fund raiser and where we had ridden.  As a society, each time we have these little discourses, we strengthen the ties that bind us together.  Each interaction draws  us a little bit closer in community.   

The writer of the newspaper article wonders how much cars have kept our city segregated.  He writes about the frustration of people talking diversity and intersectionality yet no one wants to get out of their cars and interact. "Facebook stokes fears so that people don't want to walk in certain neighborhoods."  The irony is that if people did get out into the streets, the safer the neighborhood would be. 

He also wonders if automobiles have subsidized the suburbs at the expense of the cities.  He feels that if all roads were toll roads in order to reflect the true cost of the automobile- pollution, parking, construction and congestion-  people would think again about walking.  Interesting.  Would that make people think twice about driving?   He poses some radical thoughts. 

I wonder, why does everything have to be extreme in America?  Why can't we embrace and choose a middle road? Why can't we decide that for certain activities we will walk and not use a car?  Especially for those of us that live in a more congested area.  Does it have to come down to government regulation for us to function in the way in which we were designed?  Why can't we decide when we walk and when we use a car?  Yes, a car is certainly very convenient.  (I can tell you that after walking home from the store with heavy grocery bags digging into the palm of my hands and my shoulders.)  And yes, some people do not have the luxury of a car.  (I guess the definition of a car being a luxury or necessity is also another debate.)   

I know for me that walking and bike riding for errands are a conscious choice over just jumping into the car.  I have to think about my schedule, how much time do I have, the weather, the distance, etc. It is not my default mode of thinking (yet) though it is getting there.  I realize that by not making it my first choice, I might be losing out- missing community, interactions and exercise.  

What about you?  Have you ever thought about using another means of transport other than a car to get from here to there?  What is your city or town like?  Do you think that the car has segregated it?  

This week, is there any time or opportunity for you to walk or bike ride instead of using the car for a specific errand?   For instance, getting milk at the convenience store, dropping your kids off at a friend's house or meeting a friend for coffee?  Are you up for some radical ramblings?  

What Are You Intending To Do Today?

When I introduced my then boyfriend (now husband) to my family, my brother asked John in no uncertain terms- "What are your intentions towards my sister?"  Partly he was joking but partly because he truly wanted to know. 

I like the word intention- a determination to act in a certain way and intentionality-the fact of being deliberate.  

Have you ever thought about your intentions?  I like the image of deliberately doing something. The simple definitions for intend are-to plan or have something in mind. It connotes a decision on one's part that only that individual can make. It is the beginning of the process to achieving something.  The Olympic athletes are intentional about their workouts. The practices don't just happen willy-nilly.  Successful people, whether we are talking "worldly" or "spiritual" success, are intentional about their lifestyle- what they do, with whom they interact, where they spend their time. 

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions", is a quote attributed to Samuel Johnson.  (There is debate whether or not it is truly his or perhaps Saint Bernard of Clairvaux). The point of the proverb is this- while it is good to have intentions, there needs to be another step in achieving those goals.  Or to quote another saying- "just do it".   Many of us say we want to do such and such or that we decide this is how we will act, speak, behave, plan, etc. but many times we never proceed with the next step of doing the actual work to achieve it.  We then end up living in the hell of disappointment with ourselves.  "Why can't I get anything done?", we lament. 

Intentionality takes the thought process to another level.  Sure we can formulate a plan or goal in our mind.  I think of intentionality as the grit and deep down determination that we are going to do it.   It is an inner resolve.  It is if in our mind's eye when we are intentionally going to do something we become like Scarlet O'Hara at the intermission portion of Gone With The Wind:  "As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again." 

I was thinking about this word this morning as I was wondering about my own intentions?  Not only what do I want to achieve this summer, but am I intentionally doing things, controlling my schedule, choosing activities and work that pushes me along the path of my purpose and plans? 

What can I intentionally do today that would move me along my purpose?

One thing about which I need to be intentional is working in community- reaching out to friends, family and neighbors.  As I have mentioned before I am basically shy and introverted (Some of you might be surprised by my declaration. Yes, I can certainly meet and greet people and do enjoy people but left to my own devices I am more the observer than the participant)  I need to reach out to others in a way that is fitting for my personality (one on one, notes of encouragement, etc.)

I will be intentional:

1. Sending encouraging emails or notes to those whose names have been on my heart
2. Looking for ways to speak to my neighbors more than the precursory wave
3. Treating my writing as a full time job

What about you?  What are your intentions?  First name them.  But then next, how will you go about doing them? What intentional actions can you do?  Are there any resolutions in your life that you will, "As God is your witness, never or always do..."  What can you do each day to remind yourself of your resolve and intentions?   What are you intending to do today?

House Ready or Not?

The houses on both sides of us are for sale.  I was telling someone that the other day and I didn't realize how bad that makes us as neighbors until I noticed the raised eyebrow and the "Uh huh.  And this doesn't have anything to do with you?"  Innocently I said no but then it occurred to me that not every one loves a working (aka, barking) terrier.  

One of the houses is listed online and is typical of all nosy neighbors (come on, be honest, you know that you would too) we looked at the listing and the pictures.  The thing that struck me- "Where was all their stuff?"  My son who has spent some time there babysitting their children, said "Wow, that looks totally different." The house looked lovely, like a place from HGTV or a glossy decorating magazine but it also looked sterile.  Where was the lived-in look, the photos, the kitschy knickknacks from travels abroad, the books and papers?  It made me look at our home in a whole different light.

Actually I almost felt sick to my stomach thinking what would happen if we tried to sell our home?  We have so many undone projects and things that are particular to this quirky house. There couldn't possibly be anyone out there that would have the same preference as we once did and who would want to pay a nice price for it.

It also struck me that with all the staging and sprucing up, why don't we live like that always?  Is it just a fantasy that everyone buys into with the real estate game?  Of course, everyone wants to have a linen closet with perfectly stacked sheets and towels with plenty of shelf space so that you actually see the shelf.  No one really lives with shelves stuffed beyond capacity so that the linens are actually so packed they can stay wedged in open space between the front wall and the shelf. 

I also felt sick to my stomach of gluttony of household items.  Do we really need all those plates in the kitchen?  Can we get rid of some of our chairs?  Can't I put all of my clothes in the closet rather than schlepping the seasonal clothes in and out of neighboring bedroom closets? 

What if I only had in my house those things that were useful and beautiful (to misquote William Morris) and only one set or one item?  What would it look like if I parred down my belongings?  What if I got the house ready to sell but then enjoyed living in it? 

I am ready (almost) to try a challenge: Can I systematically go room by room, ruthlessly getting rid of those things that I don't love or don't use.  (One of the questions to ask- if I had a fire and this item was burned, would I replace it?)  What if I removed the unnecessary items, like I was staging the home for sale?  (Even though I do go through our rooms periodically, I never have been really hard core in my decision keep/throw out tree.)

I don't know if I can actually get rid of everything so I might just put in a labeled box in the basement.  A tip from professional organizers is to label the box "Give to Goodwill by December 2017" and if you haven't looked in the box by then, you haven't missed it so get rid of it. 

If going through a room is too much, try a section of it.  I have read that it is a good exercise to clear a shelf or mantel or wall of decoration and just live with the blankness for a while.  When you start putting things back, try the William Morris test of usefulness and beauty. 

I think there must be a fine line between living in the "staged" house setting and living in a pigsty. I don't want to live in a sterile environment but it would be nice not to feel that I am being suffocated with "stuff". 

What about you?  Is your house ready to sell?  What would your home look like if it was?  Would you like living in that setting or would you feel like you were missing something?  Would you want to try the house ready challenge? 

Parks for All

This past weekend my husband, our other son and I rode in a local fund raiser- Tour dem Parks - which is a bicycle ride to raise funds for our city's parks and recreation department.  It was fun to tour parts of our city that I have never seen.  The ride is certainly a lot smaller than the one we did in NYC but a good time was had by all nonetheless.

It is funny.  I guess because as this was a ride in our hometown I was more observant, aka"picky", on the condition of the roads, the state of the buildings and the general environment.  When I was going through the different boroughs in NY, I hardly saw any specifics as I was taking in everything that I saw.  

It is similar to how I am with hospitality.  When I am at someone else's home I take in the overall ambience but don't even notice anything specifically.  (If they apologize for things not quite right, I do not even notice)  However, if they were to come to my house, I would notice my chipped paint around the door frame or the layer of dust on the piano. 

So the thing that I noticed on the ride were the neighborhoods that were run down, complete with trash strewn about, tall weeds growing in cracks in the concrete, and boarded up buildings. I noticed the areas where all the surfaces have concrete- from road, sidewalk to areas surrounding homes and apartment buildings.  Not a green space anywhere. These pockets of neighborhoods are some distances from the parks. Since we rode from park to park, I got a good idea of the distance it would take to travel there. I wonder where do the kids play or if they play at all? 

The view overlooking one of the city's first "gentrification"- the inner harbor area. 

It got me thinking about "gentrification", that new word that means more than cleaning up an area.  Contained in the word is the sequence of events- clean up an area, fix the sidewalks, roads, ensure that services are provided on a regular basis like trash pickup, sell the property to developers, remodel the warehouses, homes, tenant buildings, public housing to high priced stores, houses with futuristic looking interiors, sleek office buildings and condos.  Anything remotely public, meaning free or less expensive, is gone. 

I recently read an article about the gentrification in another city.  When the author was reporting about the changes to the neighborhood, he overheard some local kids asking the developers about the new plantings.  When it was explained that the trees and shrubbery were part of the new building plan one of the kids turned to the others and said, "See I told you.  The trees aren't for us." 

How sad.  

Why aren't the trees and any type of neighborhood beautification for the residents?  Can't trees and green spaces be for all citizens, not just the elite few who can afford it?   Certainly when many of the faded and run down parks we rode through, were first built they were done so during the era of civic duty and public spiritedness-  getting outside in the fresh air with trees and grass was a good thing for all city dwellers. 

I think it still is.  I think that cities should do more with their parks, not to "gentrify" an area making another pocket of wealthy citizens.  Rather maintaining green spaces in all areas of the city because all citizens deserve to have nature surrounding them.  If I had the money, I would like to fund a study seeing the effects of green spaces on city dwellers: what would be the violence rate in an area with parks versus one that just had concrete. 

Seems to me it doesn't have to take loads of money to have some space that is beautiful.  It doesn't take much for neighborhoods to pick up trash, pull some weeds and plant a few trees and flowers.  But just because a neighborhood cleans itself up, doesn't mean that it needs to be bought and redesigned.  The original neighbors should have a space that is affordable and pleasing. 

Taken from the "pagoda" at one of the parks (drawing rendition on the front of the t-shirt).  This park is "gentrified" on one side while the other is still struggling. 

What about you?  Do you see "gentrification" in your neighborhood?  Perhaps you bought into an area that has been recently "gentrified".  How is it?  Or are you living in a place that just needs to be cleaned up?  Are there places where you can volunteer for clean up of the local park?  Do you need to evaluate your own home and your own green space?  Do you have a lawn, trees, flowers or anything that is remotely green?  

Well Balanced

This past week we have experienced some very windy conditions.  The wind comes in these great gusts that turn the leaves of the trees inside out.  There are many fallen branches and leaf debris on the sidewalks, streets and in the gutters.  In the corner of our front garden is a fifteen year old butterfly bush.  I have pruned it over the years but I must admit, not very well.  Consequently it is about 10 feet tall with an umbrella-like branch structure emerging from a gnarly wooded trunk.  When I say umbrella-like, it is more like one of those discarded umbrellas found pushed up against fences in alleys- opened on one side and half bent on the other. 

The thing is, in looking at the bush, it appeared to be fine.  Sure, it didn't have complete symmetry but that created some interest.  Unfortunately I never realized how precarious the bush was.  I didn't realize how much my inept pruning was weakening the plant. 

It was only when I was out watering when I thought it seemed strange that the white hydrangea bush (which was under the butterfly bush) was looking squashed.  Turns out the entire butterfly bush was blown over in the wind storms.  It was just barely hanging on the the trunk by a small connection.  The only thing I could do to "save" the bush was to cut through the tear and hope that I didn't cut back too much of the bush. 

The bush was unbalanced hence it didn't have the ability to withstand the mighty winds.  

What a great metaphor for our lives: when we are not balanced in our life we are easily toppled over.  Some of the things that we do might not appear to be weakening our lives (like my asymmetrical pruning) and in fact might look okay.  It is only when conditions change, generally beyond our control, and the storms of life toss us to and fro that we realize being off balanced puts our survival, aka sanity, in jeopardy. 

Our lives end up looking like the discarded umbrella- not much good to anyone let alone ourselves. 

I have been feeling unbalanced with my schedule lately-spending too much time with certain endeavors while neglecting others. It makes me feel anxious and agitated.  I am in no position to be productive for anyone else let alone myself.   When I receive a flurry of requests of my time, I feel like I will just collapse under the weight and force of the appeal for my time. 

What about you?  How balanced is your life? Do you feel that you are leaning in one direction over another?  Is it a temporary situation or has it become so gradual that it is now a permanent feature in your life?  How can you recover balance?   Do you need to prune some things out of your life: saying no to things that are taking over in your schedule?  Do you need to say yes to other things in order to allow that "side" of you to grow? 

I don't know about you, but I don't want my life to become like the discarded umbrella. I want to become a person who is strong, steady, resilient and useful. 

Watch Your Language

How is your emotional vocabulary?  When asked how you feel, do you answer, "I feel like sh*t". Or are you more precise in your experiences, "I am feeling gloomy or desperate or agitated."? 

I just read an article describing "emotional granularity" which is the description for those people who have finely tuned feelings. They have precise language to explain the how and why of their feelings and experience.   For example, instead of feeling sad about climate change, these folks might feel alarm tinged with sorrow or regret for a species facing extinction.  This feeling might spur on some type of action, e.g. writing a letter to a congressman.  Even if an action doesn't occur, the fact that there is a specific feeling evoked is better than the general, "I feel bad and therefore am just depressed about life in general." As the article states, "... people who learn diverse concepts of emotion are better equipped to create more finely tailored emotions."

Turns out that those people who have that diverse concept which is demonstrated through their word choices, have better resilience to those things that are troubling us.  They can handle more stress and "bad news" whether is is personal or societal because they can clearly identify and "compartmentalize" the feeling. When we are able to clearly identify the feeling we don't get so bogged down with generalities.  There is more of a feeling of "I can do something about this" because the feeling is broken down into a specific focus.  Plus, if you can share specifically what is bothering you, it makes it easier for those who care about you to know what to do and say. 

Of course, there are times when the only words to describe how we feel is, "I feel like sh*t." but I think it is worth looking into learning a more precise language.  It may or may not help us cope but we certainly will sound not so much like we woke up in the gutter. 

What about you?  How's your emotional vocabulary?  Do you need to learn some new words?  Click on to the below list and try incorporating a new word into your vocabulary.  As we have said before, we will always have stress in our lives.  It is how we deal with it that sets us apart.  I am all for watching my language if it can help me live a better life.  

Here is a list of  100 words to describe different feelings. 

What is Your Chief Aim?

If you were pursuing joy in your life, what would that look like?  What activities, things, goals would you pursue? Would that pursuit brings you joy?  What brings meaning into your life? Are you actively seeking it out? 

When I think of joy I think of the Westminster Catechism:  "What is the chief aim of man?  To know God and to enjoy Him forever."  

Granted, the language is a little archaic but I think the lesson is spot on.  If only we would truly learn it:  It is through knowing God that our lives fall into place.  We recognize how He wants us to live and how He wants us to enjoy our lives.  Unfortunately there are many who feel that God is a kill joy waiting for us to mess up so that He can do all sorts of bad things to us.  

I do not think so.  Jesus claimed that He came to bring life and to bring it abundantly.  In the Old Testament, the writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us that "however many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all".  God wants us to enjoy our lives. 

 I think God takes pleasure and joy out of His creation.  If not, why would He create the platypus, the giraffe or a dog?  All of these can bring smiles to our faces.  If those things like the birds of the air and the flowers in the field bring delight to Him, how much more does He take pleasure in us, the creature He created in His own image?

And if He created all that fun and delight doesn't He want us to experience the same? 

There is joy in that.  Joy in the knowledge of God.  Joy in the knowledge that He is in control regardless of our current situation.  Joy in letting Him guide our lives.  Joy in serving Him with our talents, thoughts, treasures and time.  Joy in finding our purpose through Him. Joy in the knowledge that God brings meaning to our lives and with it, so much delight. 

The Little Red Hen

Somedays I feel like the little red hen. 

Do you remember the story?  A little red hen finds some seeds.   When she asks her friends, "Who will help me plant these seeds?", "Not I" is the reply from the goose, duck, pig and cat.  She continually asks them for help each step of the process of turning the seeds into grain and then into bread.  "Not I" is still the response.  Only when she is all done with her labors of planting the seeds, harvesting the grain, and finally baking the bread can she rest.  She asks her friends, "Who will help me eat the bread?" When she gets a resounding, "I will", she declines their help telling them that since they didn't help during the preparation they will not be able to have the results from the labor. 

The moral of the story is to reinforce a strong work ethic and remind that if one hasn't contributed to the product, then one shouldn't benefit from it.  It also reiterates that if one doesn't receive any help, to soldier on and to be as independent as possible. 

Strong work ethic and independence- excellent personality traits, Right? 

Yes, we would say.  Definitely the back bone of our society.  Yet I wonder if it is the best course of response in situations?  The thing is, it is exhausting being the little red hen. Not only does she physically do all the work but she is emotionally looking, tallying and keeping track of who is helping her along the way. 

Of course there is some righteous indignation on the hen's part and rightly so. The story speaks to our sense of fairness and deserved-ness.  If you do not put in the time you cannot receive a reward.  Certainly that is true in disciplining oneself - whether one is an athlete or musician. 

And, there is a time constraint in her endeavor.  Seeds have to be planted and harvested at certain times of the year. If one is to have bread in the fall, the seeds have to grow in the spring. If she sat around waiting for the help, she would never get the project off the ground.

Much as I identify with the little red hen I don't really like her attitude.  She seems standoffish and judgmental.  Almost as if she is already going into the endeavor with the expectation that no one will help her and she goes through the motion of asking for help just to prove her point.  Not very attractive.

At times like these I am reminded of Psalm 22:11- "Be not far from me, for trouble is near and there is none to help".  The psalmist starts out with telling God exactly how he feels- alone, forsaken, full of self-pity, feeling totally washed out and used up, exhausted with no one to help him.  As he cries out to God and has an honest discussion with Him, the psalmist finally comes to the conclusion that God is the one who listens and helps.  Psalm 22: 24- "For He has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; and He has not hid his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to Him. " God knows what the psalmist is experiencing and He cares.  He hears. He sees and He provides. 

When I feel like the little red hen, I need to lift my eyes beyond myself and the situation and be thankful; for the seeds, for the potential of help, for the growth of the seeds and for the bread and nourishment that will be provided. 

What about you?  Ever identify with the little red hen?  Or do you more identify with the psalmist?  How do you handle it when you feel that there is no one to help?  What is your attitude?  Do you effortlessly handle the situation with grace?  Do you rely on God's strength to get through regardless of help from others? Do you wish you could? 

I know that I am trying.  I think more than a strong work ethic and independence, I am trying to cultivate a continual grateful attitude and a complete dependency on God. 

What Are You Learning?

I have noticed that in interviews of celebrities or accomplished people, the interviewer will ask, "what are you reading?"  Or, sometimes they will ask, "what are you planning on doing next?" 

I think an important question is to wonder, "what are you learning?"  Are you learning something, anything? It might be book knowledge or life knowledge. It might be something seemingly small but significant to you.  Or, it might be a long-time-coming achievement.  Whatever the learning process and goal is, it is important to reflect on what you may have learned because I think it speaks to wanting to be open, vulnerable and ready to receive information.  

Sometimes we don't actively seek learning it just happens.  It is only on stepping back can we see the journey and the strides we have or have not made. 

These last two months have been such a blur to me. In some ways there hasn't been any time for reflection yet in other ways I feel that all I have been doing is spinning ideas, memories and thoughts in my head: I have had the once in a lifetime loss of a mother, the continuation of a creative venture, the yearly organization process of a volunteer endeavor and a new (to me) competitive tennis team.  

Things I have learned or are learning thus far: 

1. To speak with a lower pitch, slower speed and single thought regardless if the one listening is hard of hearing.
2. Concentrate fully at the task at hand, aka keep my eye on the ball, especially in a competitive tennis match.
3. Compartmentalize the things that need to be done.  One thing at a time and fully engage in that one thing. 
4. Decide on what is important and forget about the rest.
5. Sleep is overrated (too much time for memories) and under performed (back to the too much thinking).
6. Daily Bible reading is essential.
7. Continual prayer throughout the day is much needed.
8. Iced coffee is a great after lunch treat and pick me up.
9. Losing a mother is one way to lose weight but not recommended.
10. Even though one can be a ready-made crier with any emotional issue, through preparation and the power of prayer, one can get through a memorial service and reception.
11. Good friends are the ones who check in with you even after all the condolences have been said.

What about you?  What has been going on in your life lately?  What lessons have you been (or are) learning?  Any of those lessons becoming long-term habits or values?  What would you like to learn?  How can your lesson be a help or encouragement to another?