Toothpaste Lies

There was an interesting story on the NPR Story Corp. A 94 year old gentleman originally from Atlantic City, NJ shared a shameful secret that he has been harboring all these years:

"When I was 8 years old, I was running in the schoolyard and my arm struck the eyeglasses of one of the students. And he began to cry. He was going to tell his father. It would cost two dollars to fix the glasses. And I was frightened to death — where was I going to get the two dollars?  We had a cleaning lady by the name of Pearl, a black woman. And I knew that every week, she’d get two dollars for her services. On this particular day, I was so terrified, I took the two dollars, and took it to the teacher and settled the problem of the broken glasses.

When Pearl finished her day’s work, she went for the two dollars and they weren’t there. And my mother said there was no question that Pearl took the two dollars and didn’t admit it. And my mother was so angry, that she told Pearl not to come back anymore.  And then the word leaked out that Pearl was a thief, and Pearl couldn’t get another job. And she had several children.

I was the only one who knew the true story. And I didn’t tell anyone. And I was smitten with grief at what I had done. I kept that secret to the age of 94, which is hard to believe, but the event never left me."

What a story.  Makes one realize that our parents' admonishment to tell the truth regardless of the outcome was true. I know that as a parent, a lie sets me into an orbit of anger.  I have always said that I prefer the truth (and would try and not get angry even if the truth and the subsequent incident was caused by stupidity or poor judgement) over any lie. Lying has deep implications. There is no such thing as an insulated incident. The choices we make in one incident affect the choices of others. It becomes the domino effect.  What happened to Pearl?  Since she was "blackballed" from getting another job, what did she do? What happened to her children?

It reminds me of the analogy of toothpaste and lies. When we lie it is like squeezing too much toothpaste out of the tube. It cannot go back. We must be judicious in how much toothpaste we use. So too, we must be judicious with the words that we use. We have to weigh our words carefully. Once a lie is spoken, it is out there forever.  We can try and rectify it but ultimately the words cannot go back.  And in the case of destroying a reputation, those lies are toxic.  

Certainly, one can see the rationale behind the eight-year-old's decision; he was scared, he wanted to do what was right with the glasses and he probably didn't think the $2 was such a big deal for his mother- she could just give Pearl some more. He probably never thought that his mom would accuse Pearl of taking the original $2 and claiming that she didn't get it.

 And, who are we to judge? After all, I am sure all of us have had situations where we have lied and not "fessed" up. Perhaps we would tell ourselves that those little white lies didn't harm anyone, but did they?  Do we really know the lengths and depths of the impact of the words we say?  In the case of this elderly gentleman, the lie was with him his entire life. 

What about you?  Have you ever done something of which you were ashamed?  Have you ever told anyone?  Is it something that you can try and "repair" any damage? 

What do you do when you encounter lies in others?  Do you challenge it?  Do you ask for the truth?  Do you have to be a detective to suss out the truth?  Is it worth the effort?  

Maybe our tube of toothpaste can be a daily reminder that our words are to be truthful. That anything coming out of our mouth should be used for good. 

Passion

No judgements here, but really?  I am sure the heroine has amethyst or jade color eyes. 

How passionate are you? I am not talking the bodice ripping, pulsating harlequin romance type of passion but the type of passion as defined by oxforddictionaries.com, "an intense desire or enthusiasm for something, a thing arousing a great enthusiasm". 

I attended a lecture the other week where the speaker was quite passionate in his subject about a very obscure historical object that was used in determining the Mason Dixon line.  I knew of the line and have crossed it many times but because of his enthusiasm I am more appreciative of it, how it came about and in the men who surveyed it.   I now see the maps and historical letters and documents with appreciative eyes. 

I am sure that you have probably had a similar instance if you ever had a passionate school teacher on a subject. My high school English teacher was passionate about Shakespeare and so I love the Bard's plays. Alas, much to my Physics major husband, my high school Physics professor's passion didn't rub off on me. 

But that speaker did get me thinking:  About what am I passionate?  What stirs my soul?  What arouses an enthusiasm in me?   Do I inspire an enthusiasm in others? 

I am always so impressed with people who are laser focused on a subject and seem to know an inexhaustible amount of information on that subject.  They are the subject experts.  They know what they know.  They stand for something. Their knowledge base becomes their identity.

The more I live, the more I know that I don't know.  As my grandmother predicted many years ago, "jack of all trades, master of none."   In some ways I find that upsetting, because it seems that mastering something becomes who one is.  So, more than not knowing a subject thoroughly, I am wondering about my identity.  For what do I stand?  And, if I stand for it, do I know that subject or viewpoint or theory as an expert?  Should I?

What about you?  Have you ever wondered about your knowledge base?  What do you know?  About what are you passionate?  Is/should that be one and the same? What is your identity?  Are you an expert on that? Does that knowledge inspire others?  Does your enthusiasm rub off? 

What's your passion?

Thinking Outside The Trash Can

I guess because it is the holiday season, food has been on my mind.  In going to the grocery store these last couple of weeks I am reminded of the blessings of the many many food choices and the quantity of items in everyone's (my own included) carts.  There was an interesting article in the November issue of Reader's Digest about ordinary people who are concerned with how we use our food resources and how best not to waste it.  These individuals have thought of different ways to either help with the distribution of food or highlight the problem of food waste.  

According to the US Department of Agriculture the US wastes between 30-40% of food.  Food that is/was perfectly edible gets thrown into the land fills.  The USDA notes that in 2010, that equated to 133 billion pounds of food and $161 billion worth of food that was wasted.  It is more than a problem of edible food wasted- there is an impact on our environment.  As stated on their website,  "the land, water, labor, energy and other inputs used in producing, processing, transporting, preparing, storing, and disposing of discarded food are pulled away from uses that may have been more beneficial to society".  Food waste is the single largest component going into our landfills causing landfills to be the third largest source of methane production.  

On top of all that, there is the problem that people could have benefited from the food. As a country we are blessed with seemingly unlimited food resources, yet there are those among us who do no have enough to eat or enough healthy food to eat. When you think that there are people who go to bed hungry it seems a sin. It is not a question of our country not having the resources, but more of an equitable distribution of the food. 

There is a woman from California who has designed an app for restaurants or businesses who have excess food to alert those in need- non-profits, food kitchens, etc. of edible food that won't become food waste.  By using the technology of an app, those with excess food can alert those who can distribute it before the food becomes perishable.  Her program operates in over 40 cities in Northern California. Hopefully in building an infrastructure in other areas the program can be replicated beyond the California region.  Click here to download her app

On the East Coast, a group is demonstrating the problem of food waste by offering dinner in a dumpster.  "One man's trash in another man's 6-course meal."   They are highlighting the problem by using "imperfect" food in their creative meal plans.  e.g. Office Coffee Butter & Recycled Rice Bread -Fresh butter whipped with an end-of-the-day office coffee reduction. Served on freshly baked bread with yesterday's rice or Broccoli Stalk Slaw - Shaved stalk of broccoli and blanched organic carrot peel with a soy-ginger drizzle, topped with black sesame.

They serve the meal in a (sanitized) dumpster.  As is only in New York City, it is a big hit. One needs reservations and there is a waiting list.  It certainly engages people in a conversation and raises their awareness of food purchasing and food preparation that decreases waste.  "Salvage Supperclub exists to create inspiring food experiences with a purpose. We recognize how essential food is to all of us, but believe that the power of a shared meal can (and should) go beyond our base needs. It should not only nourish us but also delight and empower us. We don't just make great food. We put great food at the center of a dialogue about a more sustainable food system. We hope you'll join us."  Click here to see their website and pictures of their meals.

The last story was about a former NFL football player who gave up his materialistic life to be a farmer who shares his bounty with others less fortunate.  Jason Brown played for the St. Louis Rams but felt a calling to not just use his money to buy food and donate it but to actually be part of the solution. As he says, "I had to be out there doing the work and leading the way."   His produce is given to local food pantries, churches and food banks in Eastern North Carolina.  His ministry is called First Fruits Farms. Click here to see his website

I have heard of other similar food distribution programs:  Campus Kitchen (college campuses give their excess to the local food bank) or Society of St. Andrew (an after harvest, gleaning-the-extra program to gather fresh produce) to name two.   On the USDA website there are many other national programs.  Click here to see a list of national food recovery programs

What I love about these stories and these programs is that they are comprised of ordinary people.  People like you and me who have decided to act on an issue that was laid on their heart.  They used their interests, talents and resources to create something bigger than themselves.  And, they came up with ideas "outside the box"- looking at a problem in a different light. 

What about you?  Have you ever had an idea about a social situation?  Did it seem impossible to you?  Are there others who feel the same way?  How can you take steps to try it out?  Or can you partner with someone who is already doing something similar?  

How are you and your family with food waste?  Do you find mystery items in your fridge that need to be thrown out?  Do you end up scraping half of your meal into the trash?  Would you say that 30-40% of the food coming into your household is wasted?  Higher?  Lower?  Are your "eyes bigger than your stomach" at restaurants? 

EPA's Suggestions for Reducing Food Waste:

• Shop your refrigerator first! Cook or eat what you already have at home before buying more.
• Plan your menu before you go shopping and buy only those things on your menu.
• Buy only what you realistically need and will use. Buying in bulk only saves money if you are able to use the food before it spoils.
• Be creative! If safe and healthy, use the edible parts of food that you normally do not eat. For example, stale bread can be used to make croutons and beet tops can be sautèed for a delicious side dish.
• Freeze, preserve, or can surplus fruits and vegetables - especially abundant seasonal produce.
• At restaurants, order only what you can finish by asking about portion sizes and be aware of side dishes included with entrees. Take home the leftovers and keep them for your next meal.
• At all-you-can-eat buffets, take only what you can eat.

Incredible Edible Food

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, our sons were home for a visit.  Our one son introduced me to some of his favorite podcasts.  One was about a town and its fruits and veggies program. "Incredible Edible Todmorden".  It is such an incredible project.  What started as a germ of an idea (no pun intended) has been replicated in other communities on almost every continent. 

https://www.incredible-edible-todmorden.co.uk/home

According to their website, Incredible Edible Todmorden  is "A movement made up of passionate people working together for a world where all share responsibility for the future wellbeing of our planet and ourselves. We aim to provide access to good local food for all, through working together; learning – from field to classroom to kitchen; supporting local business"

It started as such a simple idea.  Why don't we plan edible food gardens, open to all, around town?  There was usable space in front of the rail station, the police station and the health clinic.  And so, a group of volunteers planted raised beds of fruits, veggies and herbs.  The results- anyone can pick and benefit from the food. Once they started planting, the question then became- who knows about growing food?  The older citizens of course.  So, they became engaged.  As the community saw how food was grown, the residents became more supportive of local farmers and businesses.  In seeing how the community appreciated the food, there was a concern that the local students needed to have agriculture classes and so curriculum was changed and developed for the local schools.  There are all sorts of learning going on- from landscape designing, planting, tending, harvesting to cooking and enjoying the fruits of their labors.  That simple idea has a multitude of benefits:

• Brings communities together- food is there to share
• Reduces vandalism and crime- people have respect for community spaces
• Engages all walks of life and all ages- their motto, "If you eat, you are in."
• Increases local businesses- the have a food tourisms in their town, people from all over want to see how the incredible edible process works
• Involves all civic entities, like retirement homes and schools - educational programs have been developed for the young people 
• Replicated in other towns and jurisdictions- over 120 towns in UK and over 700 globally

What an exciting project.  I especially like that the people who became involved had said enough of waiting for the government to do something.  They realized that there was a responsibility that we all share with the environment, food and with one another. They didn't wait for permission or grants.  They just did it. As one of the founding members, Pam Warhurst, says about the benefit of the process,  "once we start the power of small actions, we start to believe in ourselves." 

Click here to listen to the TED talk from Pam. 

You will be inspired and encouraged.   You may not be in a position to have an edible garden or live in a community that does.  However, their story might inspire you that by doing small actions you can create change. It will give you faith and hope in a broken world.  

The African Doctor

The other night my husband and I watched a movie, The African Doctor.   It is a 2016 French film about a newly graduated Congolese doctor who becomes the doctor for a small conservative village in France.  Seyolo Zantoko struggles with his family to integrate into a small rural village and ends up being considered as one of the most respected doctors in the area.  It is a heart-warming "true" story.

What I liked was the idea that community begins when Dr. Zantoko and some villagers take the risk to get to know one another.  In this case, the doctor joins the men in learning to play darts at the local pub.  

Makes me think about getting to know the strangers in my midst.  Do I take the risk in getting to know them?  Do I sacrifice time with those I already know in order to greet and meet those whom I don't?  Should I? 

I think there is a responsibility in community to take that risk; whether that is a group with which I am involved, my neighbors in community or in the larger world.  Of course there are times when we do need to "honker down home" and regroup with people who already know us.  We need the stability of established relationships to get through a patch of tough time. But to permanently settle into little isolated segments does nothing to promote understanding, connection and peace in the world.

I know that I have talked a lot about this topic on these blog postings.  But it seems every where I turn I see disconnect- people not only disagreeing but violently so.  Communities, cross the globe are closing in ranks and hiding behind a curtain of nationalism and isolationism.  

Yet, I also see glimmers of people reaching out to one another and in doing so are forming broader communities.  Perhaps it is due to a common enemy that is drawing dissimilar people together.  But I would hope that it is because love always trumps hate. Love takes risks. Love takes time.  Love is the only hope for society to continue.  

It makes my day better knowing that I have connected to someone- whether that is a smile, kind word or long chat.  Hopefully it is reciprocated-  that "someone's" day has improved too in knowing that there has been a connection.  It is looking for commonalities rather than differences.  In The African Doctor, it was the common cause of the children and their activities that finally cemented the relationship between the Zantoko family and the village.

What about you?  Do have any time this holiday weekend to connect to someone else?  A long distant relative or friend?  A stranger in the store?  Have you seen any movies  or read any books lately where these theme of connection have occurred?  What were the titles?  What spoke to you in these stories? Were there any truths to be gleaned? 

Instead of letting things happen around you, what steps can you take to keep the means of connection open? What activities can you find that might connect you with people you wouldn't normally associate? 

How would you respond if you were plunked down into a community where you didn't know anyone?  How would you connect?  Perhaps it is time that we all think of others in that way. 

How To Give Thanks

Do you feel thankful this holiday?   I am feeling conflicted this season.  In the big scheme of things I am quite thankful- for my faith, my family, my health and all the material blessings I have. Yet in the microcosm of my life, I am not too grateful.  I find myself grumbling, complaining and disappointed that my life is in the pattern it is.

I realize that I need an attitude adjustment.  I need to learn contentment and gratitude. I need to learn how to give thanks.

I was doing my daily Bible reading and came across these  verses from the book of Hebrews 13:5, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

It dawned on me.  Perhaps I am not overly pursuing a life that reflects a love of money (or at least not intentionally)  but I am most certainly trying to manipulate my future to go my way and when it doesn't, I find that I get annoyed and cranky.  Part of the sin of loving money is that in its pursuit we forget that we are not in control. I wasn't leaning on God and trusting Him with my thoughts, dreams and plans.  I was allowing my focus to be on the smallness of my life and all the "slights" against me causing me to try and handle it all myself like the Little Red Hen.  I was idolizing me. 

I came across an article in the November issue of "Real Simple".  It was suggesting how to be grateful (when you really don't feel like it).  I liked the ideas because cultivating gratitude lifts our thoughts from ourselves and can help shift our attitude to being thankful and grateful for our circumstances.  It is then we can recognize contentment in whatever that situation might be. Below are some of those suggestions as well as my own: 

• Gratitude can be simple and subtle. In Hebrew the term for gratitude is hakarat hatov, which means "recognizing the good". A reframing of our attitude might be to "reorient ourselves around things that we should already be grateful for".  So, it might not be so hard to "find" gratitude rather look for the small things which already occur- e.g. a garaged car that keeps the windshield free from frost and the daily morning scraping that non garaged car neighbors have to endure.
• List your blessings.  Focus on the big four- food, family, health and shelter. If you have to break them down to the smallest item, e.g.  breathing without oxygen assistance,  then do so.
• Cultivate a grateful eye.  I was raking the leaves in our yard the other day.  There is a neighbor's tree that drops the smallest sliver of leaves possible onto our front yard.  The tines of the rake cannot pick them up.  The only way to collect them  is to use a gasoline powered mower.  In the back of our house there is a HUGE sycamore tree on the adjacent county property.  Not only is the tree big and drops limbs but the leaves are the size of dinner plates.  As I was picking up the sycamore leaves I thought, "I am so grateful that the small tree is in front and the larger one is back here" as I had to pick up by hand the large sycamore leaves as they had fallen over the pebble walkway around our potting shed and pond.  If I used a rake or any other type of machinery I would also denude the path of pebbles. 
• Look at the way you say thank-you.  Is it automatic or can you look at the way someone is helping you with a cost-benefit eye?  Notice not just the money spent but the time and effort and energy it took.  "Thinking about everyday kindnesses like that will make you way more grateful." 
• Share  your thanksgiving/gratitude stories with others.  Here are some conversation starters for the Thanksgiving table:
  • What's the nicest thing that anyone has done for you this year?
  • What the nicest thing that you've seen someone else-friend, coach, family member, teacher- do for another person?
  • If you  had one super power that you could use to make a difference int he world, what would it be?  What would you do with it?
  • What are you most grateful for that doesn't cost money?

What about you?  How's your attitude this Thanksgiving holiday?  Do you need an attitude adjustment?  What can you do?  Have you ever counted your blessings?  Actually written them down as assets?   Have you ever shared your feelings of gratitude with others?  

Why Give Thanks?

Do you ever wonder why we have Thanksgiving?  Sure, we have all learned about the Pilgrims and their first feast in Plymouth.  We have read about George Washington's issuing a proclamation that November 26, 1789 would be a day of national thanksgiving for the role of providence in creating the United States. We know that  Abraham Lincoln's declaration of an annual federal celebration the fourth Thursday in November is what prompts our yearly migration to home and hearth.

No, I am talking about why as humans we feel the need to have any type of thanksgiving celebration at all.  Almost all cultures going back many millennium have the need to have some type of yearly festival. Whether it was to appease the gods or to share in extra harvest abundance, why did we feel the need to give thanks?  

I think it is because on some basic biological level we as humans know that there is something larger than ourselves at work in the world. Deep down we know that there is more than just our small existence and that we intrinsically look to something else for the bounty and situations in which we find ourselves. 

I think in trying to understand why we give thinks, we should look at whom we thank- the earth, the stars, the moon, a human-made deity, a specific religious person?  

I am in the C.S. Lewis camp that although differing religions have many similar values- truth, goodness, kindness, etc., Christianity is the only religion that can point to its founder as alive and living among us.  Not to go into apologetics but there is historic evidence that the prophet Jesus was seen walking, eating, talking after his crucification. He is the true living God. 

I think that it is that pull to God and Jesus that subconsciously draws us to gather and give thanks. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we cannot rely on ourselves for all that we have received, nor can we be the ones in charge of our lives. Similar to Blaise Pascal's quote which in the vernacular has been quoted as  "there is a God-shaped vacuum inside all of us."  Below are the actual words from his book, Pensees, published in 1670: 

“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself” - Blaise Pascal, Pensées VII(425)

Sure we have the pull of the obligatory family Thanksgiving gathering, but it goes beyond that: the practice of thanksgiving is good for our souls. 

• We recognize that the blessings we have are not all from our own doing.
• We recognize that others also receive blessings not from their own doing.
• We can recognize that our experiences are not so bad when hearing about others' situations.
• We recognize that difficult and bad situations may have some positive aspects and that time can smooth out rough patches.
• We are humbled by that knowledge and perspective of our lives.
• We can then be open, compassionate and vulnerable to others and grateful for what we do and do not have. 
• We recognize that there are some things that bear no explanation- it is only through the grace of God we are in the place where we are.
• We can then experience the authentic and abundant life of a grateful and thankful heart.

What about you?  Why do you give thanks?  Have you ever done a yearly inventory of your life?  What is important to you? What do you believe?  What are the positive and negative things in your life?  Are there situations or experiences in your life that have no explanation?  Is it an abyss that can only be filled with God? How about the people you know and love? Why do they give thanks?  For what are you and they grateful?  Does that ever connect you? 

Why give thanks?  It is an opportunity to be connected to others, to ourselves and to God.  

Most Important Person

When you are in a meeting or group situation, have you ever noticed the dynamics?  How some people take center stage and never move from it?  How people can fawn over those they think are the big wigs?

But what about those on the sidelines, not in the spot light?  Do you even notice them? Have you ever taken time to get to know them? 

As I have shared before, one of my favorite singers/songwriters is Amy Grant.  One of the qualities I like about her is that she seems so levelheaded and stable.  Of course, she is a public persona and sometimes a public persona can be wildly different in private.  I would hope that is not the case.

Once in an interview I heard her share a perspective that keeps her sane.  She declares that on a video shoot, the person getting the attention with the make-up, lighting and direction is not the most important person in the vignette. It is the person who prepares the food.  For if the crew is hungry, they will be cranky and things won't go well- there will be fault with all that occurs and the process will take a lot longer than needed.  The "star" might be fawned over but it is the person providing the care via the food who is truly the star. 

I have recently joined a civic group.  They provide many wonderful lectures on a variety of topics; history, art, politics, health, etc.  But it is a group with its own dynamics and its own configurations; those who are in the "know", who are "successful" or who have deep family connections are the ones who are immediately fawned over.  Not that these "alpha" members are bad people.  Certainly they are interesting, engaging, polite and nice.  But I have been observing the daily interactions and structure of the organization.  And I have kept my eyes open for those who are on the "fringes"- those individuals who don't seem to be in the limelight.  

These individuals whom I have met, have been wonderful- so many interesting women with a variety of backgrounds, careers, hobbies.  It is certainly been worth it to take the time to get to know the ones who on first blush might not seem to be the most interesting.  I have found them to be just as interesting, engaging, polite and nice as the "alpha" members. 

I have read that the late Princess Diana was very adept at looking for the person on the "outside" of a gathering and approaching him/her.  They said it was due to her shyness that she naturally sought out those also were shy and on the fringes.  It was one of her endearing characteristics that she approached others who might be overlooked and drew them in. 

What about you?  When you are in a group, where do you fit in?  Are you the one, front and center or are you on the fringe?  How do you feel when someone approaches you and takes an interest in what you do? Have you ever reached out to someone else?  How did that go?  

What situations or groups will you encounter today that you can be on the lookout for those who seem "unimportant"?  Watch the dynamics of the group.  Perhaps the one you think is "unimportant" is the one who is the most important of all.

Aches & Pains

When I was serving as an election judge, I met a host of characters- namely the people who served with me as judges.  As is true when one is in a group, there was one election judge who drove the rest of the judges crazy; she was very busy, running from station to station acting "in charge" and "helpful" but basically got everything mixed up.  Another judge leaned over to me and whispered, "Look at her, running all over the place, acting like she knows it all. I hope she is really achy tomorrow morning."

In some ways why should a healthy "young" (age any more is all relative) woman be crippled the next morning from just standing and moving around?  Shouldn't we be able to move in the way we were built without any indication of a problem?  I thought of the difference between exercising and experiencing sore muscles and injuring one's body causing excruciating pain. 

I like it when my muscles are sore. It reminds me that I have used them and that they are still working.  I know that in a day or two I will feel okay.  I might need to foreshorten the achy feeling with an over-the-counter pain reliever but generally the aches will lesson and eventually go away over time.  

But what about true pain?   What does that really feel like?  After all, pain is subjective.  (I think that I must have a high tolerance of pain for I cannot truly remember a time of can't-catch-my-breath type of pain.)   With true pain, it doesn't go away.  The injury generally doesn't heal by itself or at least properly and some type of intervention is needed; either in the form of surgery, more potent prescribed pain relievers or other types of medicine.  

And so I thought about the metaphorical  aches and pains in our life. What about problems or difficulties we experience?  Can they be seen as an ache or pain?  An ache and even a pain can be a good thing- it can be a warning sign that things are not right, like a broken bone or that a danger needs to be avoided, like the pain from a flame or an indication that an exercise needs to be lessened.

Are the problems something that are just stretching me or are they issues that are causing true injury?  Am I growing stronger through the process or is it weakening my resilience and hindering any healing?  If I ignore this ache or pain will I be maimed, stunted or disfigured like a bone that has not been reset?  Do I need to remove myself from the cause of the pain or ache?  Or do I need some other type of intervention? 

I think of pain as the really big issues of emotionally traumatic experiences.  Those issues that need major intervention through a medical doctor or psychiatrist- abuse, rape, witnessing trauma, war survivors, severe grief.  Most times, any "home remedy" or "over the counter" type of intervention are ineffective for the treatment of this type of pain. 

I think of most things in my life as emotional aches.  These are relatively temporary problems that have a way of annoying me by reminding me of their mere presence.  It is through those smaller problems though I can get tripped up.  Like the nagging twinge I may experience in my lower back whenever I stand too long, these emotional aches can linger and before I know it, become part of who I am.  Those emotional aches color my view on life, on other people and what I can and cannot do.   I don't even question that there can be another better reality for my achy back. 

When I have emotional aches, I need to assess whether this a temporary condition or one that is not going away and may develop into a chronic pain.  I then need to figure out some type of intervention: talk with a friend, relative or counselor.  I may need to learn some new ways to coping with this emotional twinge. 

I can also call aches in my life, opportunities for growth and strengthening.  When I want my physical muscles to develop, the process of stretching them will cause them to ache. "No pain, no gain".  When we stretch our muscles, we experience small microscopic tears in those muscles.  It is the process of healing those tears that builds and strengthens the muscle wall, developing stronger muscles that can carry more, endure activity more, and support our frame.  

Emotional aches provide me with opportunities for growth.  I learn things about myself and others as I experience the disappointments, frustrations and trials of life.  Emotional aches provide me with opportunities to strengthen relationships. As I go through my emotional aches, I can reach out to others in similar situations- sharing my experiences, encouraging others to press on and celebrating with them when the aches lesson. 

What about you?  Do you suffer from emotional or physical aches and pains?   Have you sought any treatment?  Has that changed your perspective or view of the issues? What steps can you do today to get some pain relief? 

As much as I don't want physical or emotional aches and pains, I am glad that I can experience it.  It underscores that I am alive. As they say in the retirement community, "consider the alternative..." 

Every Day Should Be World Kindness Day

Yesterday (November 13th)  was World Kindness Day.  The day was created in 1997 when a group of like-minded kindness organizations (no political or religious affiliations)  convened at a conference in Japan. "The mission of the WKM is to inspire individuals towards greater kindness and to connect nations to create a kinder world. Members of the movement include over 25 nations with representatives from Australia, Brazil, Canada, China, France, India, Italy, Japan, Liberia, Malaysia, Mexico, Nepal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nigeria, Oman, Pakistan, Romania, Scotland, South Korea,Switzerland,Thailand, United Arab Emerites, Ukraine, United Kingdom and the USA."

I cannot think of a better time than now to practice kindness.  But what does it look like? What does it truly mean? It seems as if it is one of those words that we think we know but do we really?

What is kindness?  In looking up its meaning, many sites use as a definition,  "the act of being kind." 

So then, the next question is what is kind?   According to dictionary.com:  1. of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person  2. having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence: kind words3. indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (often followed by to): to be kind to animals. 4. mild; gentle; clement: kind weather  5. British Dialect. loving; affectionate

Eventually, I did find a definition for kindness: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. 

I like that, the idea of being considerate- to think of others and their needs.  It is the Biblical mandate to love your neighbor as yourself.  In my search for the definition of kindness I found that according to the Baker's Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology, kindness is "an attribute of God and quality desirable but not consistently found in humans." 

Perhaps that is why as humans, we find it so hard to be kind.  In order to be so, we need some divine help.  Perhaps that is why as humans, we are so touched when we experience kindness in our lives or when we are kind to another;  we have connected, in some small ways to the divine. Either way I think it is time for us to call upon the divine and practice kindness. 

The challenge is to practice kindness today.  It doesn't take divine knowledge nor longitudinal studies to know that the seeds of kindness can spread far and wide.  It just takes one action, one note, or one smile to sow that seed.

What can you try today?  Sure there are lots of suggestions:  write an encouraging note, smile at all the people you encounter, pay for coffee for the person behind you in line,  speak graciously to those whom you disagree.  Click here for suggestions at the Random Acts of Kindness organization.

More than that, with each person that you encounter today, can you see things from his/her point of view?  Can you be considerate of what they are experiencing?  Can you pray before each encounter that God will open your eyes to see that person as He sees him/her?  To pray that you have the courage and imagination to be kind in a way that will be meaningful to him/her? 

World Kindness Day may have come and gone but I would pray that we continue it each day. Lord knows that we need it. 

Click here to read more about The World Kindness Movement.

We Are All Americans

2016.  The most contentious election in US history?   There is a debate about that.  Certainly the commentators are talking about this past week's election being the most contentious in this century.  

The election of 1800 was pretty contentious.  It was the race between Thomas Jefferson and incumbent John Adams; Democratic-Republican party versus the Federalists; states governance versus centralized government.   Part of the election landscape was the discussion of the Alien-Sedition Acts, 4 bills signed into law by President Adams:   "They made it harder for an immigrant to become a citizen (Naturalization Act), allowed the president to imprison and deport non-citizens who were deemed dangerous (Alien Friends Act) or who were from a hostile nation (Alien Enemies Act), and criminalized making false statements that were critical of the federal government (Sedition Act)." (As an aside, hate to admit it, this was the easiest explanation which came from Wikipedia.)

Similar rhetoric then to what we are saying now.  However, after all was said and done during that election, President Jefferson's inaugural speech captured what we need to remember, "every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all republicans: we are all federalists." Click here to read the 1st inaugural address in its entirety. 

In that spirit, I pray that the next couple of months will be a smooth transition and that we can remember that we are all Americans. 

On election day I once again volunteered to be an election judge.  It was quite a long and busy day but the thing that struck me was the peaceful voting.  Certainly there were people who were quite passionate about their decision (as indicated by their political buttons or comments to us who were working the polls) but there were no arguments or disruptions.  

Since there was a large voter turnout, the lines were quite long and at certain times of the day, people had to wait hours to vote.  They did so patiently.  One upshot of the long lines was that many people talked to the surrounding people in line.  As they would break off the line to scan their ballet, I heard over and over again, "Nice meeting you and chatting."  How great is that- differing opinions but community building. 

Again, my prayer is that now that this is election season is over (phew, finally!), we can move on in building community with all people. 

My nephew has some interesting thoughts about voting. I think he is right.  Whatever happens (happened) in the election and for the future, we need not be afraid.   We can be full of hope.  God is in control.  Click here to read his blog.

What about you?  How was your voting experience? What did you notice?  Did you have any heated moments with family and friends over the candidates?  Is there any bridge building you can do?  What can we do to make our political process better? 

As we think about Veterans Day, what better way to show our appreciation for the sacrifices they make than to live as we claim: we are all Americans. 

Extremes

Come on.  True confessions.  Have you ever binged watched on Netflix?  Or YouTube? 

I must admit that I have had a few marathon sessions watching shows that I “missed” as they originally were released. And it is so easily done.  You don’t even have to do, click or enter anything further once you start watching one show.  As soon as the final credits roll at the end of one show, the new segment pops up, starts loading on your screen and within seconds it begins.

The times that I have serial watched,  I come away with a myriad of emotions: disgust at my lack of self-control about my time, relieve that it is finally over, disappointment that the story line is so basic.  On only a couple of occasions was I satisfied with the whole process of watching the story continually unfold and resolving with a good ending.  It is similar to the times when I have stayed up to 2 am reading a page turner in bed. 

Moderation in all things.  How true.  But how difficult to achieve.  Why is it?  

I like the definition of moderation in the Cambridge dictionary: "moderation is the quality of doing something within reasonable limits".  One would think if it is reasonable, it would be easy to achieve yet think of all the things we do in excess:  

• Over eating. I have never been a binge eater although I have had my fair share of eating too much. This is especially true as the holiday season is upon us. 
• Binge drinking.  Apparently this is not just a college problem.  I was surprised when I got into the working world to learn of my colleagues weekends; "functioning" adults who drink to excess on weekends.  If you had any thoughts that it didn't apply to the rest of society- listen to the words of the current country songs- heavy drinking is advocated to relieve pain from a relationship, a difficult boss or just as good time Charlie. 
• Over exercising.  Exercise is great and I am an advocate but I know of people who take it way too seriously and over do it. The result- strains, injuries and possible permanent damage.
• Over spending. Just look at our national deficit and it doesn't take long to realize the problem that we have with spending too much and with money we don't have.
• Over sexed.  Whether you agree or disagree with the sexual revolution, there is no denying that we have an increase in our obsession with sex.  In the extreme it can cause disease, heartache, violence, pain and even death. 

I also like the Oxford dictionary's  definition of moderation: "the action of making something less extreme, intense, or violent.  The avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behaviour or political opinions."

How can we be self-controlled and remain moderate?  When it seems that society is pushing us to the extremes, how do we hold to the middle course? How do we make things less extreme?  How do we do something within reasonable limits? 

I saw an online system for helping school children learn self-control.  It is the acronym WOOP:  Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan.  The idea is to help children achieve self-control by using this technique:

• Wish:  Something you really want to accomplish.  
• Outcome: The best outcome from accomplishing this goal
• Obstacle: The personal obstacles that hinder you from accomplishing this goal
• Plan: What can you do to overcome your obstacle? Name one action you can take or thought you can have. Make an if/then plan and imagine it.   If / When _________ (obstacle), then I will __________ (action to overcome obstacle)

Certainly this may seem very simplistic and naive tool but I think we can learn something from this.  Many times we are swayed to excess because we don't pause and reflect.  We are so busy that it is easy to get caught up in what society is doing and not figuring out what is important to us as individuals.    I think practicing a WOOP technique might help us in lessening the extremes.  

What about you?  Have you ever done anything to excess?  What happened?  Did you regret it?  How do you handle moderation?  How is your self-control?  What steps can you take today to move closer towards your goal?   What have you seen lately on Netflix? 

 Click here to read more about WOOP.

Good Morning!

Are you a morning lark or night owl?   I must confess that I am one of those annoyingly pleasant and immediately wide awake type of people.  Just the other day my husband asked me if I was always this way? I guess after twenty-six years of marriage it finally got to him. Yes, I had to admit, I have always been this way. It's a blessing and a curse. 

When I was little and slept over at friends' houses, I hated the mornings.  My friends would be sound asleep for hours in the morning (or at least it seemed to me) as I had to lie there completely quiet.  I felt that I couldn't turn on a light to read or even turn over too many times in bed for fear of waking up my host.  It was excruciating. 

Even as a teenager I was an early riser which really put me at a disadvantage in college.  I just couldn't stay up all night and then sleep in the next morning like my peers.  My body would get me up even if I only had a couple of hours of sleep.  Needless to say, I was in a perpetual tired state the entire four years.

So, it was with interest I read an article in the Atlantic magazine describing the findings for different individuals' chronotypes, meaning "people are programmed or wired to sleep earlier or later in any 24-hour period".  Or as some chronobiologists (people who study such things) call it; "social jet lag" - a "“misalignment of biological and social time.”   German chronobiologist, Till Roenneberg has a classic book, Internal Time that declares, "early birds and night owls are born, not made. Sleep patterns may be the most obvious manifestation of the highly individualized biological clocks we inherit, but these clocks also regulate bodily functions from digestion to hormone levels to cognition. Living at odds with our internal timepieces can make us chronically sleep deprived and more likely to smoke, gain weight, feel depressed, fall ill, and fail geometry. By understanding and respecting our internal time, we can live better."

Some chronobiologists are behind the movement to have high schools start later so that teens can get a full night sleep.  With their studies they have noted health consequences with people who don't fit societal wake/sleep patterns; the individuals who are not tired and can't go to bed yet still have to align their waking schedules to a societal pattern.  Just think about high schoolers who start their three homework at 10 or 11 pm and then have to be in class, ready to participate at 7:20 am. There is no way that they are receiving their seven hours (the very least) of sleep. 

Another  psychologist, Michael Breus has capitalized on this idea of sleep and ideal times to be productive with his book, The Power of When.  You can take an online quiz to determine your chronotype.  He categorizes people into animal types: dolphin, lion, bear or wolf.  I took the quiz.  No surprise that I am a lion- the morning person type.  In reading the characteristics it reminds me of a horoscope- pleasant and positive generic statements.  In some ways I didn't need a quiz to figure it out.  But, if I buy his book I can find out when it is the best time to do anything.  "'When' is the ultimate life-hack. If you didn’t change a thing about what you do and how you do it, and only made micro-adjustments to when you do it, you’d be healthier, happier and more productive, starting right now!" 

It seems that if you boil down the psychology, what is really being reviewed are people's sleep patterns and habits.  It doesn't matter if you are a morning or night person but how much good sleep you get.

Makes sense.  If you are well rested, you can be productive when you are awake whether that is early morning or late at night.  The problem arises when our sleep and wake times don't jive with others. 

If we didn't have interact with others and could just do our individual thing, it wouldn't matter when we slept or woke.  But because we live in this world with lots of people with different habits and chronotypes, it does matter.  And, when we suffer from social jet lag, we can suffer physically: gastrointestinal problems, difficulty concentrating, trouble sleeping, headaches, poor psychomotor coordination.  

We need to maximize how we live and how we sleep so that we stay as healthy as we can.  Here are some tips to get started thinking if you are a morning person, mid-day or night person: 

1.  Know yourself.  If you haven't figured out your best times of day to be creative, to exercise, to socialize, etc. you can try Michael Breus' online quiz.  While I wouldn't change my entire life based on the findings, it does give you a basic assessment and can start you thinking.  Click here.
2. List the things you need to do.   List out all that you must accomplish during the day: physical activity, intellectual pursuits, work meetings, etc.  List when they normally occur during the day.  List the time when it would ideal for you based on your chronotype rhythm- early morning, mid-morning, afternoon, etc. 
3. Determine a schedule with your ideal time. If you can, try to design a schedule so that the things that you have to do can be done during your ideal, "at your best" time.  Of course, sometimes we don't have any say in the matter.  Our jobs may dictate that we do a task at a specific time regardless of our "best" times.  But maybe things are scheduled because they have always been done that way and nobody had ever asked to try something different.  Who would've guessed that certain school systems are changing the start time for high schoolers based on their sleep and life cycle. 
4. Practice a small change in your schedule.  If your best time to concentrate is after lunch, try blocking that time for your creative projects or intellectual pursuits.  See how it goes.  Are you more productive? Do you enjoy the task at hand because you were fully engaged?  How is your sleep pattern?  Can you get eight hours of good sleep?  Do you need to change some of your sleeping habits to accommodate your chronotype?  Ensuring you go to bed earlier or rising later? 
5. Revel in your blessings of how you are made.   I always thought my early morning chipper-ness was a curse but I have come to accept it and to be grateful for it.  I can get a lot done in the early morning hours- almost a full day of work by 10 am. 

What about you?  Are you a morning lark or night owl?  More importantly, how did you sleep last night? 

Sabbath Keeping

How are you at Sabbath keeping?  I am not talking about the traditional Orthodox Jewish practice of never turning on a light on Saturday.  Although if that is your practice I admire it.

I am talking about a day of rest, restoration and re-creation.  Do you regularly take time to recharge? Do you have margins in your life to just stop the everyday craziness?  Or do you feel that any stoppage time would set you back and the trying to catch up would not be worth it?  

I have been trying to add more wiggle room into my life- to intentionally leave time open on my calendar for incidentals and interruptions.  I must say that it is difficult.  For just when I think I have left room, it gets filled up and overflowing.  And then, the incidentals and interruptions occur. 

I am also trying to be more intentional in having a day or at least a part of the day in which the rhythm of the day is slower.  A day that is not hurried but one in which things organically happen.

I am trying to have a Sabbath.  

For me, as a Christian that means Sunday; starting my day with worship and spending time in relationship building of spending time with family and friends.  Sabbath is a time for enjoying the world around me, others and the world that God created. 

For me Sabbath starts the day before with a day of preparation.  It is on Saturday that I try and get things in order so that I don't have to worry about to-do items or activities.  Yet, I have learned that getting prepared for Sabbath doesn't mean that I have to be frantic because now I have one fewer day in the week to work. It means that I try and have things ready but probably not all done.  It reminds me that I am not in control of my life but God is.  I can trust Him with all the details of activity, knowing that He provides what I need to get done.  It is another example of God's economy; His economy of time. When we offer what we have to Him- time, money, resources- He always returns that portion back and more.  There is no logical explanation.  It is a God thing. 

I have decided that I would make ahead some simple meals that I can invite others to enjoy.  

Last Sunday was such a day.  I must say that I really looked forward to everything that was to transpire that day.  I looked forward to worship and to the time spent with friends.   The rhythm of our day was wonderful- slower paced, intentional, and restorative.

Many times, even for a "day off" I have so many obligations; activities, caring for others, to-do list projects around the house.  The schedule seems overwhelming.  If I don't stick to it, I will muddle through my day and not accomplish anything.  I have had to rethink my definition of "accomplishment".  Isn't it a good accomplishment to feel restored and ready for the next six days?  

What about you?  Do you have any time during the week that is slower paced?  How do you slow down your lifestyle?  Do you intentionally plan for a Sabbath?  If not, what is holding you back? What do you need to do in order to practice a Sabbath? 

I may not achieve it every week, but I am going to try and keep the Sabbath. 

A World Series Miracle

There is more than one miracle that is happening in the 2016 World Series.  There is a little known miracle of the singer who almost lost his voice. 

Wayne Messmer is a professional singer, motivational speaker, author, actor and business man. He almost exclusively sings the national anthem for the Chicago teams:  Cubs, Bulls, Blackhawks, Bears, Wolves.  

One night as he was in his car leaving from a gathering after a Blackhawks game a teenager approached his vehicle and shot him in the throat.  As he says many miracles happened that night.  One being that the tie went into the bullet hole so it in essence worked as a pressure dressing.  The tie? A "save the children" logo fund-raising one. 

The other miracle from this encounter was in his ability to forgive the young man who put him in deep peril, jeopardized his livelihood and caused much physical pain. Mr. Messmer visited the teenager while the teen was in prison. He wanted to let him know that he forgave him.  That action helped Mr. Messmer heal in so many ways. 

Mr. Messmer recovered from his injuries.  In less than seven months after the shooting, he was back on the stage singing the national anthem.  He has continued singing the anthem in the twenty plus intervening years. By his account he has sung the anthem over 5,000 times.  Possibly a record.

I just love the story of forgiveness and restoration.  At that moment that Mr. Messmer was shot, he encountered possible death and destruction.  He could've been completely devastated by his circumstances even with his voice recovery.  He could've harbored resentment, bitterness, or hatred.  But he choose to forgive and move on.  I do believe his choosing to forgive aided in his healing. 

What about you?  Do you have resentment or bitterness in your life?  Is it "justified", caused by another?  Can you make the conscious effort to forgive?  If you are not ready for a face to face encounter with that person, can you forgive him/her in your heart?  

Is that person, yourself? Have you done something that you think is unforgivable?  Was it done to another?   Can you approach that person and ask for forgiveness?  Can you forgive yourself? 

In some ways when Mr. Messmer approached that teen to tell him he forgave him, Mr. Messmer wasn't so much looking for a response from the teen.  It was more of something that Mr. Messmer needed to do for himself. 

What do you choose?  Destruction and devastation or forgiveness and a future? 

The thing about this year's World Series- which ever team wins, it will be a miracle.

Click here to read more about Mr. Messmer.

Heart Check

How do you protect your heart?  Not just physically but emotionally and relationally?  Is your heart hardened to the situations of others?  Do you have chest pain when you think of your future?  Or when you think of your past?  Is your heart strong enough to withstand the onslaught of non heart-friendly situations?  Can it go the emotional distance?  How can we get others to be heart healthy? 

I was thinking of that this morning while I cogitated all the news and comments of fellow citizens.

There seems to be such an air of negativity, a lack of compassion, even hatred floating in our midst. Definitely it is a non heart-friendly environment. I am sure each one of you can think of a comment, quote or statement given by a politician, colleague, friend or family member that is polluted with dissension, disappointment, discord and antagonism. 

How do we stop that?  How do we improve the air quality?  How do we, as fellow travelers on this journey of life, get along with one another and improve each other's journey?  How do we help each other develop healthy hearts? 

I think it starts with prayer:

• Prayer for ourselves.  We need to recognize our fallible and humble lives.  We need to recognize that alone we cannot make ourselves healthy and whole.  We need the presence of the Great Physician in our lives, not only for our physical well-being but for our emotional, spiritual and relational well-being.  It is only in our recognition of our weakness that we can begin to get strong.
• Prayer for others.  We need to pray for softened hearts of compassion towards one another.  If we think of others as someone's beloved brother, sister, son, daughter we might be able to transfer those thoughts into our own.   If we recognize that it is only by God's grace that we exist, we can extend that grace towards someone else.  In praying for others, we move beyond just thinking of ourselves and into the realm of others being included in the possibility for change.
• Prayer for the situation.  Seems like the emotional and societal heart disease that we suffer; racism, bigotry, meanness, mercilessness, animosity will always be with us.  I think that when we pray about the situation, we are changed.  Laying aside the spiritual element for a moment, praying allows us to focus on a specific aspect of a problem and helps us figure out what is important and not important.  Praying can slow down a quick reaction to a comment or problem.  

What about you? How is your heart?  Have you had a heart check-up lately?  

Profiling Close to Home

Our house is located on a non-through street. While it is not a dead end, it is shaped more like a horseshoe. It makes our neighborhood semi-secluded for traffic. Generally the cars that navigate the street are ones belonging to the residents and their guests.  The homes are close together so that the children can play out on the street and front yards while the adults can talk over raking leaves, shoveling snow and monitoring children. 

Yesterday I witnessed racial profiling in our neighborhood.  It made me quite uncomfortable and it made me wonder what I can and cannot do about it.

I was outside on our front lawn raking leaves. As I am want to do, with any car passing I usually look up and wave.  Most times I recognize the car and driver but if I don't, I still wave because we have had some new neighbors move in and I am not completely sure of all their identities. 

A car I didn't recognize was driving quite slowly down our street.  It was obvious that they were looking for a specific house number.  After a turn-around in a driveway and two failed attempts to park on the curved street, the car stopped across the street from where I was.  I was about to approach the car and offer the driver a suggestion for easier parking when a police officer drove up.  He started to ask me a question then said never mind and proceeded to get out of his car and approached the parked one.  He rapped on the window and said, "Hey, what are you doing here?" As he spoke I cringed because the tone wasn't so nice. The woman was polite in explaining that she was here to do some cleaning and wondered why she was questioned "because I am black?"

The officer accompanied her to the house of her appointment and very shortly got back into his car. The woman then came back to her car to get her equipment.  I went over to talk to her and apologized for the general misunderstanding.  I explained that there had been a bunch of break-ins in our neighborhood recently and the community association was told by police to call them if someone we didn't recognize was in the neighborhood.  We had a nice chat.  She told me where she worked and how she knew our neighbor. I offered her a place to park in our driveway if she ever had trouble parking. 

I found the incident disturbing.  Partly because it was embarrassing that one of our neighbors felt threatened by a "stranger" in our midst and called the police . Just because she didn't look like one of us.  I wondered, will the neighbors now be calling the police on my sons' friends when they come over to our home to visit? 

 I felt disturbed because in the few minutes that the officer and woman were validating her reason to be in our neighborhood, I had the panicked feeling, "What if she thinks I called the police?  What if she really isn't here for legitimate reasons and decides to retaliate?"  I was disturbed that I had that thought at all. 

I also was embarrassed that the police officer's tone wasn't nicer.  It seemed to go in line with all that I hear on the radio about the clashes with police and people of color.   But then again, I haven't walked in his shoes, seen what he has seen nor am privy to what he knows. 

I understand why my neighbor called. I realized afterwards who probably did make the call.  These folks have had a number of break-ins at their home over the last couple of months.  They are overly cautious.

I can see why the racial problems are escalating. It doesn't take very long nor take much imagination to have a full scale misunderstanding.  Thank goodness the woman was very gracious.  

What can be done?  I do think conversation and getting to know one another is key. I generally don't like to get involved with neighborhood things but I somehow felt that I should reach out to that woman.  I am glad I did.

I also realize that sometimes things happen, misunderstandings occur and it is a risk to try to rectify.  If the woman did suspect that I called the police and I had not talked to her, both of us would've have continued building the wall of stereotype and division.  She would've thought I was another paranoid privileged white person and I would've thought that she was another defensive black person.

Sometimes trying to reach out and talk doesn't help at all.  The walls are quite thick. Neither party wants to hear what the other has to say.  Judgements and ideas are solidly formed. But over time, walls can be chipped away. Thoughts can be changed.  Stereotypes can be laid to rest. 

There is a great story of racial tension and transformation called The Best of Enemies:

"C. P. Ellis grew up in the poor white section of Durham, North Carolina, and as a young man joined the Ku Klux Klan. Ann Atwater, a single mother from the poor black part of town, quit her job as a household domestic to join the civil rights fight. During the 1960s, as the country struggled with the explosive issue of race, Atwater and Ellis met on opposite sides of the public school integration issue. Their encounters were charged with hatred and suspicion. In an amazing set of transformations, however, each of them came to see how the other had been exploited by the South's rigid power structure, and they forged a friendship that flourished against a backdrop of unrelenting bigotry.

Rich with details about the rhythms of daily life in the mid-twentieth-century South, The Best of Enemies offers a vivid portrait of a relationship that defied all odds. By placing this very personal story into broader context, Osha Gray Davidson demonstrates that race is intimately tied to issues of class, and that cooperation is possible--even in the most divisive situations--when people begin to listen to one another." (taken from the sales description at UNC press)

I still am stumped about the best way to handle situations like those I witnessed but I hope that by keeping the dialogue and conversations open, we might be able to have some type of break through in our racial divide. 

What about you?  Have you ever witnessed or been part of racial profiling?  What happened?  How did it make you feel?  

Have you ever experienced profiling close to home? 

After the Fall

This past Friday night we saw the Arthur Miller play, After the Fall.  It was being performed at an art school which was near to the college where our son attends.  While it wasn't a perfect performance (the sound engineer forgot a couple of cues, the actress portraying a German accent was difficult to understand as were some of the actors in their angry, yelling scenes), the actors were quite good, especially the lead since most of the 2 1/2 hour play is a monologue of streams of consciousness. 

The play has been attributed as a loosely autobiographical portrayal of Miller; his sense of guilt in his relationships, in his political involvements and in his early upbringing.   There was an extreme amount of angst in the 2 1/2 hours.  Frankly, an hour of it would be 60 minutes too much.

The play takes place as a middle-aged lawyer, Quentin, is trying to decide if he has the inclination to love again, this time a German woman he meets while he is touring the German concentration camps. Interspersed throughout these present scenes are his reminiscences of his youth, his parents, his first marriage, his second marriage, and his defense of clients for the McCarthy  trials. 

While the characters did not resonate with me, they did propose some interesting ideas.  One was through the German love interest, Holga.   

"I think it’s a mistake to ever look for hope outside of one’s self. One day the house smells of fresh bread, the next of smoke and blood. One day you faint because the gardener cuts his finger off, within a week you’re climbing over corpses of children bombed in a subway. What hope can there be if that is so? I tried to die near the end of the war. The same dream returned each night until I dared not to go to sleep and grew quite ill. I dreamed I had a child, and even in the dream I saw it was my life, and it was an idiot, and I ran away. But it always crept onto my lap again, clutched at my clothes. Until I thought, if I could kiss it, whatever in it was my own, perhaps I could sleep. And I bent to its broken face, and it was horrible…but I kissed it. I think one must finally take one’s life in one’s arms."  ~ Holga. 

Later in the play, Quentin decides that due to humankind's horror, both the global horror of WWII and the suspicious horror of McCarthyism and the fickle, selfishness of the individual that there really is no hope for mankind.  After the fall, both individually and collectively what is there?   The play ends with just as many questions as when it started.

What a shame and a loss that the character Quentin feels that there is not hope.  For I do believe in hope in this world and not hope like Holga suggests.  Hope is not within us. Yes, we do need to take one's life in one's arms, to be responsible for what we have done and accept our selves, warts and all.  

But I believe, our hope comes from God. How can I, a finite being with limitations provide hope and consistency? Just the question alone of the looking for hope in one's current surroundings is limited and inconsistent since circumstances can change in an instant.  Thank goodness they do. Thank goodness that, because of the fall, there is the realization that I am fallible.  I must look up and towards someone bigger than myself, my surroundings and my situations.

What about you?  Do you feel that there is no hope in your current situation?  Have you ever looked up or looked beyond yourself?  Like Holga, do you question the sudden change in life's circumstances- one day you smell bread baking, the next smoke?  Does that determine your ability to have hope?  Or do you have hope in spite of the changed circumstances? 

If one doesn't have that, I wonder what does one have? Certainly the play bears it out- nothing but questions and angst. 

After the fall, I choose hope. 

MayFly

Over the weekend I heard an interesting podcast about the Irish aviatrix Lilian Bland (1878-1971) Ms. Bland was an extremely bright, independent and energetic young woman.  By all accounts, whatever she put her mind to do, she was extremely accomplished: photo journalist, equestrian, marksman, car driver, aeronautical engineer and an aviator.  All this in the beginning of the 20th century.  While Amelia Earhart was just a pubescent, Ms. Bland was designing and experimenting with building her own airplane. 

Lilian Bland in her self-built plane- The Mayfly.  Image found: http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/cornwall/hi/people_and_places/history/newsid_8956000/8956919.stm

What I love about her story is her pluck and determination.  She carried on doing what she felt called to do regardless of the norms of the day.  She contributed much to aeronautics but I think, her major contribution to society was being an original. 

Even the play on words of her plane, "Mayfly" is an example of her humor, her humility and her hutzpah.  By all accounts, her letters and articles to Flight magazine were accepted and admired. It doesn't appear that she was patronized, nor does it seem that she was demanding and militant in her role as a woman.   She may have felt such a struggle in her work but in hearing her story I get the impression that if she did, she was more interested in achieving an outcome than by worrying about a difficult process.

I find her story very encouraging. If I feel called and compelled to do something, I should just carry on.  Not worry about what others think, nor get bogged down with a struggle during the process.  Just focus on the outcome I would like to achieve.

What about you?  Do you have any dreams or callings?  Are society norms or expectations of others holding you back? 

Try taking a page out of Ms. Bland's book of life-  whatever you want to achieve, "may" or "may not" get off the ground but you have to try.  

Learn Something New?

Did you learn something today?  

I always feel like I have had a successful day when I have learned or done something new.  It could be as simple as a new recipe, an historic fact, a revelation about a relationship or a mathematical equation. Whatever it might be, it feels good to stretch the "little grey cells" (as Hercules Poirot would say). 

Although I do find that if I do not intentionally plan on learning, doing or reading, then I settle into an existence routine.  It is a routine whereby my world doesn't expand.  It becomes very self-contained.  After all, I am very limited in what I know.  It is boring to only have to think of that.  So if I don't purposefully challenge myself to explore new ideas I find that I am stagnant- in my thinking, in my doing and even in my speaking.  

Ways I try to keep the "little grey cells" healthy:

1. Read classic literature
2. Learn a language
3. Learn a new piece of music
4. Read about a subject (art, history, sciences, anything in the dewey decimal library system)
5. Engage in The Great Courses (www.greatcourses.com);  www.coursera.org, or Great Decision class (www.fpa.org/great_decisions)

What about you?  Do you have an existence-routine kind of life?  How can you rise above that?  Do you want to?  What types of learning do you like?   Is it learning a new skill or physical activity?  Do you like classroom lecture?  Are you a visual, auditory, read-write or kinesthetic  learner? 

Have you learned something new today?