Scent of Spring

The calendar might say it is officially spring but around the mid-Atlantic we don't quite feel it yet. It is still in the stage that the sun seems much warmer when viewed from inside.

I have been clearing out my closet and paring things down.  Last year I wrote about trying to re-do my large, weirdly shaped closet.  That ways round 1 with getting rid of things.  This week has been round 2. 

I used to store my off season clothes with moth balls.  I am one of those people who rather like the smell of them (reminds me of my grandmother). But then I also like the smell of gasoline and the old ditto/mimeograph paper.

Recently I have been using lavender sachets which I have made myself.  It is quite easy.  All you need is a bunch of dried lavender, a porous cloth container, wax paper and some ribbon.

Dried Lavender Sachets: Ingredients: dried lavender, gauzy cloth or fabric gift bags, wax paper, ribbon. 

1. Place a piece of paper or wax paper on your work surface.  Use it to collect the dried lavender as you strip from the lavender stalk. Or you can hold a bunch upside down and rub between your hands  I tend to swipe down the stalk removing the dried lavender that way, although be careful of splinters.  Let the pods fall onto the paper.

2. Prep your sachet.  You can use the gauze type small gift bags (find at dollar store) or make your own.  I had some left over gauze fabric from another project.  Cut a circle as large as you want the sachet to be. (6-7 inches in diameter) 

3. Fold the wax paper in half and funnel the dried lavender onto the center of the circle or into your gauze gift bag.  Collect the various sides into a small ball.

4. Pull taut the opening of the gift bag and tie the strings into a bow. If using your own material, gather the various sides to form a small ball. Tie a bow around opening.  Try to re-loop so you can hand the sachet on hangers if need be.

5.  I have used the left over stalks as kindling for either our inside or outside fireplace.  Burns quickly and smells good too.

I also read about making a safe, good for the environment cleaning solution using water, distilled white vinegar and lavender oils. Lavender and vinegar have natural antiseptic properties but adding the lavender makes the solution smell quite nice.

Lavender Cleaning Solution: Ingredients:  distilled white vinegar, tap water, lavender essential oil, spray bottle.

1. 1 cup Distilled White Vinegar, 1 cup regular tap water, 40 drops of lavender essential oil, spray bottle.

2.  Mix the liquid ingredients in a pitcher or bowl.  Pour into your spray bottle.

3. Use the cleaning disinfectant anywhere on any surface you would use a multipurpose cleanser. 

Do you use natural or homemade cleaning products? What are they? What other smells remind you of spring and warmer weather? 

What's Your Confidence Level?

Confidence: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something; a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

What's your confidence level?  Do you feel inadequate with your work, your looks, your life? What if someone you admired said that he liked your style?  Or she thought you looked great?  He thought you were wonderful?  

Would you believe her?  Would you think he was just telling you tales in order to get something from you?  

There are times when I am just frustrated by myself.  I feel discouraged. I lack any confidence.  I feel that everyone else is more successful, more attractive, demonstrates better interpersonal skills, communicates better, funnier, etc. ,… (fill in the blank).  

I look at those who have confidence or at least exude confidence whether they feel it or not. Whatever they do, others follow or are in awe of their accomplishments, decisions, actions, even clothing.  How does that happen?  If you take the components apart, they are not that interesting nor their decisions that great but it is almost as if their persona is more important than the substance.  They have an aura of self assurance. 

When I feel low, if that confident person gave me their “seal of approval”, I would be floating on cloud nine.  I would walk around with my head up high, internally knowing that so and so thought I was something.  

The thing is, as a Christ follower and child of God, I can have that confidence. I can have the assurance of the truth that God, the ultimate confident creator of all things and of me, thinks I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  He intimately knows me and all that I am- my faults, my failures,  and my fears.  Yet He still loves me and sees my potential, the being that He created me to be. 

If only I would remember that.  I would walk with confidence.  

Now confidence does not mean arrogance.  I am sure that you can recall plenty of overly confident people who seemed down right arrogant. Arrogance is really a disguise for lack of confidence and is a coverup of feelings of inadequacy.  The arrogant person is being deceitful- If I come across as knowing everything then you might not be able to see that is not the reality.   

I do not need to be arrogant because just as I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so are you. That is the beauty of God.  We are all on the same level.  No one is more important than another.  He loves and made each one of us on a similar plane.  When I feel loved by God I can relax and carry on with what I am supposed to do.  I don't need to play the comparison game, that "so and so is better at...(fill in the blank)  than I." 

What about you?  How is your confidence level?  Do you struggle with low self-esteem?  Do you play the comparison game with others?  Do you feel self-assured?  Do you believe that God loves you, just as you are? 

When I start feeling that my confidence level is dropping, I need to remember the truth that I can rely on God and His love for me.  When I know that I have His seal of approval, all doubts, fears and comparisons can fall away.  I can be one of those people who elude true confidence because my confidence isn't through me and my accomplishments but in the One who made me. 

Learn Anything Lately?

My poor daffodils hanging on during the cold weather.

What did you learn in 2016?  Life lessons, an academic subject, a life skill? What knowledge, information or skill are you currently pursuing? 

This is the time of year when I think we all could use a boost both physically and mentally.  Here in the mid-Atlantic all of our blooming daffodils and cherry trees are under a blanket of snow and ice.  The winds have been fierce and the temperature cold.  After a relatively mild winter it is hard to believe that now we are getting an arctic blast three days before the arrival of spring. 

I am ready to shake off the snow, ice and winter debris and get ready for new growth. 

I am ready to learn something new.

I am ready to physically and mentally move- to get my sluggish winter body out and about as well as firing up my hibernating brain cells.   

The thing about learning is that it is never too late.  I know a woman who started taking piano lessons in her nineties.  She had always wanted to do so and never had the opportunity.  So, her family purchased a keyboard for her to use in her retirement apartment and a piano teacher comes and gives her lessons every Saturday.  

There is a wonderful book, Educating Alice: Adventures of a Curious Woman by the late Alice Steinbach. Ms. Steinbach traveled to various places in the world taking lessons and courses on specific topics: French cooking in Paris, Border Collie training in Scotland, Japanese arts in Kyoto to name a few.  Most of us will never have the resources nor the time as Ms. Steinbach did but we can be inspired by her openness and curiosity. 

What about you?  What is something you have always wanted to learn?  Piano lessons?  Art classes? Fixing a complicated meal? Maybe a trip to Paris is not in the cards right now, but could you try fixing a French meal a la Julia Child? 

My husband and I are planning to attend a class at the CSA farm where we purchase our meat. They will be demonstrating how to cut up a whole chicken. We get whole roasters through them but have never done anything with the chickens except, well, roast them whole.  I have looked at various cook books on the cutting up of a chicken but I need the hands-on visual instruction.

I am looking forward to it.  

Doesn't matter what the subject or activity might be, once we experience and learn something new,  we have shifted our brain and muscle usage. The adage, use it or lose it, applies to both our brain neurons and our muscle cells. When we challenge ourselves with having to use our brain in new experiences, we improve our brain neurons and increase the synapses which send and receive information.  Our physical challenges increase our muscle fibers which in turn produce stronger and leaner muscles as well as improvement in all the cardiac, immunity, endocrinological aspects of exercise.

Learning enhances our confidence, our mood, and our outlook on life.  It improves our day.  

It is the spring that is awaiting to be released. 

Double Vision

As I was getting ready the other day, I was inserting my contacts into my eyes.  Normally I have a routine- right eye first, followed by the left eye.  To help me remember the specific lens, I store the contacts in a container that has an "r" on the green cap for the right contact and a blank white cap for the left one.

So that morning I dutifully put in my right contact and then the left contact.  A little while later as I was preparing to brush my teeth I looked down into the sink and saw a contact there.  The question became which eye is missing a contact?  I couldn't tell by looking at the contact nor could I tell by my vision.   I peered intently into the mirror to see if I could see the circular edge a contact over my reflected iris. Nope. I squeezed one eye shut and then the other to see if my poor eyesight might give me a clue as to which was missing correction. No help there. 

So I put the contact into the left eye.  I repeated the squeezing of one eye then the next technique to see if my eyesight improved.  It did not. But my eyesight wasn't that bad either.  It seemed as if I were seeing things okay.  Yet the more I thought about my eyes I thought, perhaps it was my right one that fell out? So I proceeded to take the contact out of my left eye and discovered that I had put both contacts in the same eye!   And I didn't even notice that much difference in my sight!  Gee whiz, talk about panic and stupidity. 

Well, eventually I figured it out and so far seem to be seeing okay.

But it had me thinking.  In this instance, I know the cause of my contact swap. I had trouble with my contacts because I was extremely tired.  I had had only a couple of hours sleep that night after a proceeding twenty-hour day.  My eyes were not wanting to open much less have a contact in them.  I couldn't see well but I also couldn't tell that I couldn't see well.  I couldn't even tell that there was any difference in my vision.

I wonder how much of what the world perceives is due to the simple fact that we are tired.   Added to that, are we even aware that our perception has been compromised? 

We all can tell stories on ourselves when we hadn't had enough sleep and things that we normally wouldn't do or things that normally wouldn't bother us, become our mode of action and thinking.  We are more touchy, more sensitive (not in a good way), more volatile, more angry, or more depressed.  We experience a whole host of negative emotions all because we didn't get enough sleep.  In addition we can also go down the rabbit hole of a host of physical ailments due to lack of sleep. 

How many relationships have suffered due to lack of sleep?  How many misunderstandings?  How many times we wonder, how did this lost relationship happen?  I didn't do anything we tell ourselves.   We become myopic to our own contribution because our physical tiredness distorts the reality. 

What about you?  How is your sleeping?  Do you get enough each night to stay refreshed?  Have you ever done something silly due to being tired?  If you are experiencing difficulties- e.g. trouble getting along with others, irritable, forgetting things, repeating yourself, upset stomach and intestines, overeating, not eating- perhaps it is time to stop and assess your sleeping habits. 

If not, you might find yourself with double vision. 

Dog Walking

Our male Jack Russell has become increasingly stubborn about his evening dog walk. Usually he is always ready for movement, whether that is a game of ball, a tussle with a chew animal or a walk outside. But lately he will hide when the leash comes out.  We wonder what is up?  Is he having PTSD?   

Backstory:  Both our dogs have always been calm when faced with loud noises, e.g. sirens, truck air brakes, fireworks.  We were so surprised because our former Jack Russell would have none of the loud noises. He would bark loudly and ferociously at them.  Was he telling them to be quiet or just didn't like the competition? 

A couple of years ago while on vacation we were walking our dogs along the beach.  It was evening time and we were walking along a service road that ended at a dismantled light house. Out of nowhere fireworks exploded overhead.  Turned out, we were at the non-sanctioned town firework display gathering.  Our female dog took the noise and lights all in stride.  Our male, flattened his ears and pointed towards home.  It wasn't as if any of the fireworks fell on him as they were exploding a  bit from where we were walking.  Nonetheless, ever since that time, any noise that sounds like a firework, explosion or even a car door slamming gets him all in a tizzy.  

He needs his evening walk.  We know that it is good for his digestion, for his weight and overall health.  Yet, we cannot reason with him.  He has to walk out of obedience to us.

Makes me think of how I am so much like our pooch in my treatment of  God.  There are things that He wants me to do.  Things that are for my benefit and good health yet I refuse to do them. Truth be told, most times I am afraid to listen. Afraid that listening requires me to give up my plans and my control of my life. Afraid of being asked to do something that I cannot or do not want to do. Afraid that perhaps God, my creator, might not know what is best for me. Crazy. 

I am sure that God wishes I would just listen.  Although I am sure He isn't as frustrated as we get with our dog. I need to just do what is best for myself and get on with it. Yet I balk like my dog. 

The thing is, our dog has never been hurt or maimed by the noises.  We have never let any harm come to him on the walk or otherwise. We only want the best for him and act accordingly.

I know that God does the same.  I just have to believe it. 

What about you?  Do you ever notice your behavior or lack thereof? What makes you balk when God asks you to do something?  Are you afraid?  Has He ever not had your best interest in mind?   

Family Features

Lately I seem to be surrounded by baby announcements.   Family and friends are all having children and grandchildren. I love to see pictures because I am always fascinated by hereditary features of babies and their parents. 

"She has her mother's nose."  "He has grandpa's chin."  "Don't her eyes look like Aunt Sally's?"

I remember the first day we were home after our older son's birth as I was holding him, he smiled. "Wow, he's got my dimples." It just tickled me so. It was one of those moments that I treasure in my heart. 

We have had life long friends on seeing our older son walk into a room, "You can tell who is his daddy- he looks just like his dad at that age."  When our younger son was little, I remember a mother of one of his school mates came up to me, "Oh you must be his mom. He looks just like you." 

Of course, we see the resemblances that we want to see.  The same people who said our son looks like his dad, will, in another context,  say that same son looks like me. 

Not only physical features but our behavior and character can also resemble family members.   Somethings we cherish and others, not so much.  How many of us find a word or phrase that seems to slip from our lips and we groan inside, "Oh no, I sound just like my mother (or father)".   I have already apologized profusely to our sons for behavior that I witnessed with my own parents and I am sure I will exhibit as I age.  Some things I can change but others I am afraid it is inevitable. 

It has gotten me to think about whom do I resemble?  Maybe more importantly, after whom should I model myself?  

For me as a Christ follower, I do want to model myself after Christ.  The question might start with "what would Jesus do?"  but I think the next question I try to ask is  "what would Jesus think?".  How can I become more and more like Christ and less and less like my frail human self?   It is not that I want to think of myself more highly than I ought or that "I am so Christ-like".  Far from that.  Because we all fall short of that goal.  

Rather I want to be more like the person God intends me to be.  To be shaped by my experiences into a person more and more like Jesus.   I am reminded of an old song from Amy Grant.  Click here to hear her singing.

"Father's Eyes"

I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world
But that's all right as long as I can have one wish I pray
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say

[Chorus:]
She's got her Father's eyes, her Father's eyes
Eyes that find the good in things
When good is not around
Eyes that find the source of help
When help just can't be found
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain
Knowin' what you're going through, and feeling it the same
Just like my Father's eyes
My Father's eyes
My Father's eyes
Just like my Father's eyes

And on that day when we will pay for all the deeds we have done
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone
And when you're called to stand and tell just what you saw in me
More than anything I know, I want your words to be

[Chorus]

What about you?  Whom do you resemble?  

If You Have the Time.... Do It

I know that I have written about time management in many posts.  But it seems to be a topic that all of us need reminding.  Or rather, a reminder for me. As is typical of life, situations have occurred which underscore the adage, "practice what you preach"!

When I first started in my nursing career, I learned pretty quickly that if there was time to do something "extra"  in my duties, e.g. straightening up a patient's room where medical supplies were kept, then do it right then.  If not, some crisis or urgent matter would soon occur and that opportunity would be lost. 

In my home life I have had similar situations.  If there is time and opportunity to work on a home project, I need to do it.  If not, then it seems as if I will never get back to it.  One day I had some time to work on a simple fixing of a kitchen screen. (Remove the molding around the wood, pull the screen a little tighter., staple in place,reattach the molding and touch up paint on the molding strip.)  Not a big deal. I just didn't feel like doing that project then.  No apparent reason.  I had all the materials and tools I needed.  I had the time and I knew what to do. I just didn't do it.  That was three years ago.  

I have done it with relationships.  Times when all I needed to do was to send a card, an email or a quick phone call.   And I didn't do it.  I just didn't feel like it.  The opportunity of building or cementing a relationship was lost and it is difficult to capture that time again.  

It has happened with my work schedule.  In this new endeavor of writing my time is spent differently than my previous 9-5 job.  I still have a schedule for writing and gathering information and research, but there is some internal and external flexibility.  However, just when I think I have some "extra" time it is quickly taken by urgent demands of family.  

I think of all the time I have wasted.  Sure, I do not think time with others in relationship is wasted but I have wasted it in other ways- "research" on internet, youtube videos, etc.

 I could've been using my time more wisely and judiciously.  

Past history that it is, I should've realized that I always get pulled into situations that will take me from what I am currently doing and I need to be prepared for that.

I would've been prepared for the distractions if I would've done what I intended at the time when it occurred.

Just like I am kicking myself for not saving more money (see post Finances 101- February 22, 2017) I am kicking myself for not using my time more wisely, for not doing what I intended to do and getting waylaid with frivolous, non-productive work.   

What about you?  Do you ever feel that you have missed opportunities?  Times when you could've, should've, would've done things but you didn't?  And now,  you can't go back? What have you learned? Acceptance of things not done?  Guilt over those things hanging over your head?  Plans to change that behavior? 

I need to (re)learn- if there is time to do something...do it.

Enjoy the Ride

"How long did it take you?"

In my extended family that is usually the first question one will be asked when completing a long journey. The next question will be, "how was the trip?" but that question is generally a polite after thought.

The first question is the important one to the asker- it is all about timing.  Really it is a question of arriving at one's destination quickly and "ahead" of others. There is an unspoken and unrealistic universal competition that one's car needs to arrive at one's destination faster than anyone has done before or humanly possible without getting massive speeding tickets.  The other unspoken "truth" is that you must be a fantastic driver to go so fast without detection.

It. drives. me. crazy.  

When our immediate family goes on a trip, regardless of the destination we can just count on it taking all day.  It is not that we poke along.  We drive slightly over the speed limit. We don't make too many stops but certainly we are not going to make ourselves uncomfortable.  With our former car, I was convinced that we must've had a wonky speedometer. 

If truth be told, I am crazed by the asking because deep down I am frustrated that we didn't "win" the arrival competition.  After five hours in the car I am ready to arrive at our destination.  Most of the time we are just halfway there.  Ugh. 

I thought of this last week when I drove down to our son's college to pick him up for spring break.  By the speeds at which my fellow travelers passed me, I would surmise that they too will be answering a how long did it take you evaluation at their destination.  But what about enjoying the ride?  What about the journey is part of the experience?  Will I reach my destination less stressed and more refreshed if I am not anxious about overtaking any driver blocking my lane? 

I struggle with the getting there fast and the enjoying the ride ideology.  

It does translate to our lives. Sometimes we are so anxious to get to the destination that we ignore the time it takes to get there.  We miss out on the people along the way, the good and bad experiences or the detours.   I think of the times in my life when I had to have a slow down detour.  Looking back I see that I eventually got  to my destination but just not in my time frame.  That detour allowed me to make new friends, deepen current relationship, or see and experience things that I never would've chosen nor done.   At the time those detours were just plain inconvenient and uncomfortable.  But I see now that they were necessary to shape me into the person I have become- to shape me into appreciating the destination when I finally arrived. 

I just need to remember that.  I sometimes just want to get to the end whatever that end might be:  finish a project, learn and move on from a difficult situation, have someone heal and feel better, wrap things up in a "neat little bow".  The thing is, life very rarely works out that way.  Especially dealing with people, you can very rarely say, "That crisis or experience is over.  No problems now."  There will always be something and it is okay.

Just like our family has come to the conclusion that the road trip is part of the whole experience, I need to remember that one's trip through life is the experience. I can't rush it along and I need to embrace every bump in the road. When I accept that our road trips will take all day, I relax into the time.  I don't arrive at the destination frazzled.  And that is how I want to live my life- with enjoyment of the whole trip.

What about you?  Are you a got-to-get-there-at-all costs kind of driver?  Do you meander down the rode, stopping at whatever attraction beckons you?   What about your journey in life?  Do detours and bumps in the road distract you or cause anxiety?  What can you do to appreciate your journey? 

Do you enjoy the ride? 

What is Your Introduction?

Recently I was attending a lecture where the introduction to the speaker was phenomenal. The list went on and on.  He had accomplished much and was involved with much. The things that he had done were recognized through a litany of organizations or multiple degrees.  Immediately I thought, "Gosh, if they introduced me it would be quite short." 

It seems as if we are impressed with those long litanies. But I also thought of those people who might not have the fancy degrees or the  involvement with the "right" organizations.  What about those whose degree is through the school of hard knocks or who are the unsung heroes of their families?  Those who respond to a multitude of simultaneous crises with superhuman endurance and humility.   How do you introduce someone who is volunteer extraordinaire but with many organizations? Someone who works a little with everyone who asks, yet never completes the thousands of hours in one position for a grand citizen award.   How do you introduce someone who is practical, has great common sense, looks out for other's best interest or who is the best listener? 

How do you introduce all the truly extra-ordinary, ordinary people?

It made me think of my life and accomplishments or lack thereof.  Do I just need to market myself better? Or do I need to just accept that in the world's eyes I have not done anything special or at least anything that can be quantified or labelled? 

How do I treat others? Do I expect them to be introduced with a series of recognizable accomplishments?   Does my reaction and treatment of others depend on how they fit into a specific category?  Am I impressed with awards and accomplishments? 

Certainly it is good to be recognized for a job well done. We all crave that. And it is good to strive and attain something whether that is a degree, reward or a recognized accomplishment. 

But I realize that I shouldn't be overly awed by those things either.  Character and integrity of the person matters more. As much as God wants us to live in accordance with His rules and guidance for our lives, it is our hearts and our character that matter the most to Him. We should view ourselves and others in that light as well.  

Underlying the question, how would you be introduced, the question becomes, how is your character?  Would others say that you are a true friend, a confidant, of high integrity, reliable and trustworthy?  

Do you accept yourself for what you have done and not done?  If not, do you have time to “do something”?  Are there degrees or accomplishments that you want to do?  What is holding you back? 

How do you treat others?  Does an "impressive" introduction awe you?  Or do you wait and see how the person acts?  What characteristics would you want yourself and others to portray to be extraordinary ordinary folks? 

What is your introduction? 

Ash Wednesday

In the Christian tradition, Ash Wednesday starts the beginning of forty days before Easter (not counting Sundays). It is a time of remembrance and repentance; self-denial, moderation, fasting, and the forsaking of sinful activities and habits.  It is during this time we are called to remember our sin and prepare for the coming Christ.  The ashes (burnt ashes from the previous year's palms from Palm Sunday) are placed on the forehead, "Remember you are dust and to dust shall you return." in the sign of a cross. (Reminder of the redeemed future with God through Christ.)

I’ve always liked the time divisions in the Christian calendar.  Whether you are a Christian or not, there is something manageable about the forty days.   It is enough time to accomplish something but short enough time to offer variety.

It seems as if forty days are a good chunk of time to accomplish something.  I notice this every time I get my hair cut.  My hairdresser always makes sure that I schedule my next hair cut before I leave the one I am having.  I go every eight weeks.  Many times as I leave I think, “Oh, by then I hope to have accomplished thus and such...”  Sometimes I hit the mark.  Other times I need to reevaluate.  Regardless, I feel that the time is doable.  I don’t get overwhelmed. 

Traditionally  the time of Lent (Ash Wednesday- Maundy Thursday) is usually a time of giving up and sacrifice as a symbol of Christ’s sacrifice for us.  The sacrifice is usually one of tangible pleasure- certain foods or activities. 

But what about a sacrifice of time?  Giving up your time in one activity in order to take time for another activity?  For the secular world, forty days is a doable amount to sustain a new habit. What new habits do you want in your life?  Can you commit to practicing it over the next forty days? 

Suggestions:

• Giving up looking at Facebook in order to visit with a friend- a relational habit
• Giving up running out to “pick up something to eat” (which always takes longer than you think) in order to plan menus for sit down dinners at home- a healthy eating and financial habit
• Giving up watching Netflix for reading a book suggested from a book club-an intellectual habit
• Giving up watching the news on television in order to listen to a different news source on the internet/radio-an intellectual habit
• Giving up your personal gym time for scheduled walking with a friend-a relational and financial habit

What about you?  How do you treat the Lenten season?  Do you give up or take on something for Lent?  Have you ever thought about forty days as a good chunk of time to try something new? 

Mr. Oscar, Welcome to the Real World

I find it quite amusing all the hubbub about the Oscar night and the mix up with the best picture nomination.  Hasn’t any one of those involved had a snafu?  Why do they act like it is the biggest disaster since the Titanic? 

It made me think about those involved- privileged, pampered, “perfect” people.  People who have “my people” who do everything for them; dress them, style them, give them the words to speak and how to move and behave.  After all they are actors. Professional fakers.  When things do not go right in their professional worlds, they just “cut and re- do”.  

Sunday night there was no reshoot.  No do-over.  

And it is okay.  The world won’t fall off the axis.  It should make the rest of us feel pretty good about ourselves. Sometimes things happen that just happen.  It is not intentional.  It was not deliberate. When it does, we just have to keep the incident in perspective, find the humor in it and then move on.  

I am sure each one of you can recount incidences, snafus and general faux pas. Whether it is the inappropriate bodily sound that accidentally “slipped” in public, an inadvertently sent email to the wrong recipient, or a physical trip during a solemn event it is all okay.  

It is what makes us human.  No one is perfect.  We shouldn’t demand perfection of ourselves nor of others.  There is the difference between perfection and striving for excellence.  While we should strive for excellence and strive to do and be the best we can, we shouldn’t get so hung up on not being perfect. 

So Mr. Oscar and Ms. Hollywood- welcome to reality.  In the real world, people don’t wear gold lame in the afternoon. They don’t have hair, makeup and clothing stylists tending and fawning over them before they go out in public. They don’t have designers fighting over the clothes they wear. Their opinions, politically or otherwise are not tweeted and taken as gospel. 

In the real world, people tend to themselves.  They strive to look the best they can within their means.  They worry about kids, colds, food, money and job security.  When they do have to do public speaking (possibly at a funeral or wedding), what is not seen as “polish” is spoken with sincerity and heartfelt meaning. 

What about you?  Do you have an embarrassing public story?  What happened?  Were you ever able to move on from it?  If not, why not? 

For the real world, it is time that Mr. Oscar caught up. When we experience an embarrassing moment, we just need to laugh, shake it off and realize that even professionals have things happen too.

Reveling in Authenticity

Have you ever wondered why people do the darndest things when they are on vacation?  Or at least things that seem so surprising.  I remember hearing that acquaintances of ours bought a car.  At the time I thought why spend your vacation time doing something that could be done during "regular" hours, but then I realized that their scheduled vacation was the only time both parents were together to make a mutual decision.  

How many people will try dare devil activities during a holiday- bungie jumping, para-sailing or karaoke?  Practice risky behavior- hooking up with strangers, binge drinking or over indulging in food?  Over spend budgets- purchase clothes, touristy items, or personal services that they wouldn't do or even think about if they were home? 

I've been thinking about this recently.  Why, when we are out of our "natural elements" do we do different things?  Is it the same rationale for those who like to dress up for Halloween or who like masked balls?  Do we all wish we had a different persona?  Do we feel a freedom in community anonymity or a freedom in the new and of not having to conform to the usual? To feel that no one in the vacation place knows who we are, our responsibilities, our reputations, etc. and therefore have no expectations? 

I know that many days I wish I were someone else- a gentler, wiser, nicer, more attractive self.  I am not wanting to be a masked person or one that is different from my core being but rather a clearer version of myself.  I guess I am striving to be the person God is shaping me to be. 

Yet, shouldn't I try to always be that type of person?  Shouldn't I feel comfortable being authentic wherever I find myself?  Why should I let a different venue give me permission to be brave in my behavior and decisions?  

I think I will try and live each day as if I were on holiday.  To live each day as if the lens is becoming clearer on my true self.  

What about you?  What types of things have you done of vacation that you might never do at home? Do you ever wish you were a different person?  What does he/she look like?  What is your authentic self? 

Finances 101

As Benjamin Franklin wrote to Jean-Baptiste Leroy in 1789 (many years before Mark Twain's attributed quote),  “Notre constitution nouvelle est actuellement établie, tout paraît nous promettre qu’elle sera durable; mais, dans ce monde, il n’y a rien d’assure que la mort et les impôts.” or rather, "“Our new Constitution is now established, everything seems to promise it will be durable; but, in this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes.”

Tax season.  For most it is met with dread.  The process of collecting all the receipts, forms and paperwork is enough to drive someone to distraction.  Yet, it is something we all have to do.  

When we do our taxes it always gives me pause: Should I have been a better steward with our resources?  Why didn't we save more?  Did we share enough with others?  What the heck did I do/spend with the money we received?  Why wasn't I more frugal? 

I have been thinking over all the financial advice that I have read and received over the years. I need to revisit how I practice it.  It really comes down to some simple steps:

Budget.  Every financial advice column talks about a budget and the need to first develop one. You need to get a handle on your income but more importantly, you need to understand where you are spending your money. Some things are non-negotiable but most of us spend money on non-essentials and discretionary spending. 

Save.  Besides a budget, almost all financial advice talks about "paying yourself first".  Personally I believe in giving first (see last point), but saving is up there too.  In many incidences it is recommended to have money taken directly from a paycheck and put into a savings account, an IRA or some sort of savings/investment plan.  The idea is "out of sight, out of mind" or spending. 

Financial Fasting.  Many years ago I read about a practice of financial fasting.  For a set amount of time, one should spend money on only the essentials- food, shelter, transportation.  The thought is to try and live within those parameters for say, a month, and save the rest of your income.  This might be a good beginning practice in preparation for setting up an ongoing savings account.  Or if you need to get your budget in alignment, financial fasting can help you prioritize what is important. 

Give.  There are many reasons to be generous with our finances.  We are called to be a people who share.  I believe that we give in response to our gratitude to God.  It is also a faith gesture- we give even when it doesn't seem to make budgetary sense.  Somehow in God's economy it all works out.  Plus, it does seem as if we should be able to financially live on 80% of our income (saving 10% and giving 10%) or at least strive for that as a goal. 

What about you?  How are your finances?  Is it a source of great anxiety and stress in your household?  How can you get a handle on it?  Do you need to see a financial counselor?  Do you need to give up some area of spending in order to gain some peace of mind?  After all, isn't that what it is all about?  Financial Peace.  

Nastiness

Nastiness.  The word itself sounds, well, nasty.  It is just one of those words, actions and predicaments that one should avoid.  Yet we don't.  More and more individuals say and do the meanest things.  We see it on social media and reality television.  We hear it from our leaders and our family and friends. 

This past Sunday's The New York Times had an interesting article called, "The Culture of Nastiness". It looked at our current times and how we are so uncivil towards each other.  What caught my eye was a quote by a professor from our town's university.  The professor teaches a class, "Mister Rogers 101: Why Civility and Community Still Matter".  His premise is that we are a lonely society.  We do not engage with one another as we used to and as we should.   Consequently we do not have experience working through conflicts with people with whom we must figure out a way to get along. 

"Civility is the idea that you're not always going to agree but you still have to make it work... People think, 'If I disagree with you, then I have to dislike you, so why should I go to a neighborhood meeting when it's clear I'm going to disagree with them?'" 

How can we stop this societal trajectory towards nastiness?  It doesn't take a social scientist to recognize that nothing good will come out of this current course we are on.  We see it with the uptick of bullying, harassment, and hate speech.  We see it in the ills caused by isolation- anxiety, stress, addictions. 

Start with community.  Or at least recognizing how much we lack community in our lives.  For most adults, the only community tends to be one's work place. That is not to say it is a bad thing but what about the time spent away from work?   Or if one is let go from one's job?  Where is the community and support? Do we have any interaction with others?  How can we cultivate those relationships? 

Limit social media.   People are so free with comments about others when it is offered under anonymity.  If one had to look someone in the eye and say those things, conversations would be quite different.  Plus the information given through Facebook and other outlets are the "reel highlights" of someone's life.  It is as if we receive the annoying "everything is perfect in our life even our dog" Christmas letter on a daily basis.  It totally distorts reality and authentic living. 

Monitor the types of images one watches.  When all we see are the intense interactions and abusive discussions from reality television or even news programs we subconsciously start to think that way towards others which leads to practicing conversations like that.  If we do watch these images we need to keep a reality check in mind- what is a better way to encourage employees to improve performance; is it really necessary to use curse words to speak to a family member; in light of real problems in the world, is the "drama" of a celebs broken relationship necessary? 

By balancing the words and images that we receive with conversations and experiences of real people we can combat nastiness.  We might not like everyone we encounter but we begin to have some type of understanding of why people think the way they do.  We glean a perspective of what is a true crisis and authentic compassion. 

The end of the article was quite poignant in that it asks each of us to examine ourselves in our contributions to nastiness.  Changing this atmosphere requires more than pointing fingers at "those" people; each one of us needs to honestly admit our role, complacent or active in contributing towards uncivil behavior and then strive for ways to change.

What about you?  Do you find yourself hiding behind social media in your opinions?  Do you know your neighbors and those in your community?  Have you ever been inspired by a reality show to act in the same manner?  How did that go?  

The word that I like instead is comity.  It generally refers to judicial and legal terms.  Originally it was  a word derived from Latin comitas, meaning "courteousness" (and probably related to the Sanskrit word for "he smiles").  

It means courteous behavior; politeness; civility.  

How much better is that? 

Stuck

My grandmother used to say about my grandfather, "I married him because he had his feet on the ground.  Little did I know that they were stuck in the mud." 

Do you feel stuck?  Unable to move from your location? Literally or figuratively? Does it cause you to feel a sense of security or an envelopment of claustrophobia? 

This year following my mom's death I have felt stuck.  Stuck in a situation of caring for my father that I didn't ask to be in, didn't want to be in but one in which I just find myself.

That's the thing about being stuck.  Many times we find ourselves trapped or grounded and it was not due to anything that we may or may not have done.  It just happened.  For myself I can get quite worked up about it.  It's unfair, what did I do to deserve this, why now when I seemed to be going down a different path with my life choices?  All these types of questions can go through my mind.  Bottom line, it doesn't matter what I think, say or do, the reality is the same: I have certain responsibilities that I need to do. 

It has taken me a while to not feel so stuck. I don't know if I am just resigned to the fact or if I have come to some emotional break through.  It does make me wonder, what changed? Certainly the situation is the same even a little worse.  I have to put some hopes and dreams on hold (again) for a little longer.  I am not going to fight the way I feel.  Just accept it. 

According to Psychology Today when one feels stuck it is important to remember acceptance. Those who accept things that they cannot change have a better outcome.  They are not so emotionally restricted and in a strange twist are more open to things eventually changing.  

There is the story I heard of someone hiking New Hampshire's Franconia Notch State Park. A  staff member pointed out a small path off to the side. It consisted of a few boulders wedged together, leaving a small covered opening to squeeze through. When he mentioned that a number of people have gotten stuck in there, he was asked how he gets them out. He chuckled and said, "Well, we can't move the rocks." Then he explained that he just waits. After about fifteen minutes of struggling, they give up... their bodies relax and they can slip right through. 

Lately I am learning to accept the place I find myself. In a sense when I give up the struggle, I can move on because I am choosing to let things be. When I am not questioning and complaining, I find that I can see my situation in a different light. I can reflect on some of the positive and learn to let the negative go.  I can then have the feeling of being unstuck.  

What about you?  Have you learned ways to become "unstuck"?  If so, what are they? 

It's About Time

Lately with all the busy-ness of my life, I haven't had a chance to tackle any of my winter project lists.  The other day I thought I need to get on it and so I set the timer for 15  minutes and knocked off one item on the list. 

I know that I have talked about timers before but they really are helpful.  It gives you permission for a specific time to do whatever you need to get done.  And it gives you permission to stop what you are doing and to move on to something else. 

In January's issue of Real Simple, they had an article of things to do if you have 5 minutes, or an hour  or one weekend. The idea is that you have a go-to place of things that can be accomplished when you find you have a little extra time.  You are able to work towards a goal yet not have to a large chunk of time in order to complete it.  

I keep lists on my desk of things that take approximately fifteen minutes or less.  Whenever I get a little block of time, I try and check off one of those items.

For example:

• straighten out a couple of dresser drawers
• sew on a button from my mending  pile
• organize a pantry shelf
• sort out linen closet
• sort out hall closet
• weed a garden bed
• return a phone call
• send out an email
• get out tools for larger project

What about you?  Do you have a never ending "to- do" list?  Do you ever wonder when and if you will get around to it?  Have you ever used a timer to accomplish a smaller list?  Can you break down your long "to-do" list into fifteen or thirty minute projects?  Will you give yourself permission to work on a project for that amount of time and when the timer dings, you put it aside? 

If you have never used a timer before I would challenge you to try it.  It's about time. 

Reading Lists

Do you have a reading list?  Books that you would like to read? Someday?  I think I have one somewhere.  I am sure that if I did, I would be much more efficient in my book choices and reading time.

What generally happens is that I will hear a book review on the radio.  I then frantically look for a pen and paper to write down the title and author before I forget. I end up having all sorts of scraps of paper with scrawled titles and illegible author names.  I never seem to find the time to combine those lists either onto a note on my phone or to some central location so that when I go to the library or book store, I have no clue of the books that I thought I wanted to read.  I think what I might have to do is go with someone else's reading list, either from the library or one of the nice independent book stores in town. 

While I may not have a list,  I do have stacks of books at home that I plan to read. Someday. Most are older novels or classics that I have never read. Some are books that my mom gave me and others are ones I picked up at book sales.  I do sometimes have a tendency to read books over again.  Especially the ones which I can relate to the characters or the setting is such an imagined dream and that I want to return. 

 If you have never done so, I would suggest that you add the Bible to your reading list this year. While I feel that Bible is a living, God inspired book, it is also a piece of literature.  Much of the old Masters paintings are Bible inspired.  Knowing the various Bible stories is helpful in greater understanding of art and literature.  Last year was the first year that I read the Bible in its entirety.  It was life changing in so many ways not the least being that I have a better understanding of references. 

What's on your reading list?  What stack of books do you have in your queue?  Do you like a specific genre? Do audio tapes work for you?  Are you an e-reader?  Do you like hard back or soft covers?  

Sick List

One thing about being sick is that you are forced to be still.  It seems as if all I have done these last three days is sleep.  When I am awake I can't focus on anything- no reading, no watching television, nothing.  Only today have I had enough energy to move around the house.  It did occur to me some possible reasons why I got sick and what I can do in the future to prevent it. I list them below as a reminder to myself and as an encouragement to you to not get in the same boat. 

1) Get enough sleep.  I certainly wasn't getting my required 8 hours of winks a night.  Most of that stems from our two, four-footed creatures who decide that the middle of the night is the best time to bark at the passing foxes outside.

2) Get outside for exercise.  With all the running back and forth to my father's house I haven't been outside like I normally am.  Plus, the afternoon walk for me and my four-footed creatures would ensure that they would be tired and would sleep through the night and therefore I would too.

3) Reduce stress.  Ah, the rub.  Easily stated, difficult to execute. I have looked over the list of responsibilities that I have for the next six months.  Some things are short-lived while others will be ongoing.  I have realized that I cannot take on any more, even if it is something as simple as baking brownies for a meeting.  That simple action becomes just one more thing in a list of too many things. The proverbial straw that breaks the camels back. Of course, there are projects and people that I want to help but for the majority of things I need to say no for right now. 

4) Stop being the little red hen.  There are situations in my life when, I don't receive help from those who I think should help me, I become like the little red hen.  I will handle it all myself.  And then I get annoyed, upset and looking for reasons to get even angrier at the ones who are not helping.  In not being the little red hen, I am going to try and ask for help.  Or at least state what needs to be done and then let the chips fall where they may.  The work might get done, perhaps not the way I thought it should originally be done but if it gets done, then so be it.  The work might not get done either and then I need to let things happen as such. 

The thing is, most times I practice good habits.  Usually I get enough sleep, exercise and have a good diet.  It is the stress that gets me every time.  Stress affects each of us differently. Regardless on the cause and the effects, stress is one of those insidious situations that sneak up on us.  We go along fine, thinking we are handling our situation when out of the blue, we get sick, or have tooth problems, or stomach issues, or insomnia.  When I feel under stress I like to list the responsibilities that I have to do and that I want to do.  Are there things that can be put off in order to stretch out the responsibilities?  I am learning to be more clear with my family and friends of the things I can and cannot do.  It still can be difficult.  Some people, on hearing that you cannot do something today will decide that you meant forever and will be miffed.  I am learning that I can only be clear with what I say.  I cannot ensure that the hearer is clear too. 

What about you? What would you add to the above list- things that you know if you do not practice you will end up sick and in bed.  How do you deal with stress?  Do you keep it at bay? Do you feel that your life is overrun by stress? What small changes can you make to lessen the stress? Are there things you can put off, say for the next six months? 

 What would your sick list be?  

Fever

The last couple of days I have been in bed with a fever. It finally broke last night and so I feel a little bit better.  I still am exhausted especially in doing the simplest activities.  Who knew that a shower would feel like a workout?

The thing about fevers is that it doesn't take that much of a body temperature increase for the bugs and viruses to be killed.  Your body was designed for that.  The increase temperature of the fever stops the replication of viruses so that our immune system can attack what is currently assaulting our bodies and not be overwhelmed with a new host of reinforcements. 

When you think about it, many things can be impacted by just a simple or slight change.   One small change does have impact on other things. According to earthday.org  "if the entire U.S. did not eat meat or cheese for just one day a week, it would be the equivalent of not driving 91 billion miles – or taking 7.6 million cars off the road.  Or as an individual you ate one less burger a week, it would be equivalent of taking your car off the road for 320 miles."  That's because meat production produces 1/5 of the green house gas emissions. 

There has been other types of research about small changes.  Studies have show that a modest weight loss- 5% of body weight- produces heart health gains, lowers diabetes risk, reduces risk of sleep apnea, lowers cancer risks. 

There are also the interesting stories of major flubs, all brought to fruition by small problems.  In the 1998 Mars exploration, they missed the target for failing to convert English to metric units.  The original pictures sent back from the Hubble telescope were fuzzy.  All due to a 1/50th of human hair width problem of one of the mirrors. 

What does that have to do with us?  

I've been thinking about the zero waste advocates (see February 6, 2017 post).  They seem so hard core. Is it really feasible for all people to live that way?  I am just grateful that my eighty-eight year old father is eating, much less worrying about the packaging it comes in.

But we can do our fair share.  If we all tried to reduce our waste- making choices to avoid plastic and reuse what we have, it would be beneficial to all.  If we all choose to make small changes the impact can be large. Of course we all have to figure out what works for us and our family. But wouldn't it be empowering to know that we have contributed to change and we didn't have to do too much?

What about you?  What types of small changes do you do that have seen big impact?  Is there something small you can commit to today?  Could you monitor it for a month and see if there are any changes? 

Zero Waste

You know how it goes, you start looking up something online which leads to a whole host of links, which leads to other links and before you know it,  you find yourself down a rabbit hole of information that you wonder, how did I get here?  Many times I groan because the rabbit hole has nothing useful nor is it informative. However the other day I found myself in a place and was interested and excited to be there.

I had found the websites about zero waste living. 

"Zero Waste is a philosophy that encourages the redesign of resource life cycles so that all products are reused. No trash is sent to landfills or incinerators. The process recommended is one similar to the way that resources are reused in nature." (wikipedia)  The concept was named in the mid-1970's through a company that was collecting and reusing chemicals that were excessed by the electronics industry.  It has gone on through the years in government policy of reduce, reuse, recycle.   It has morphed into two slightly ideologies:  recycling of the product or the reuse of all the product in a high level function.  For example, recycle the glass bottle (recovering broken glass) or refill the glass bottle (recovering the entire function of the container).  

I found 2 websites that discuss the practicality of living a zero waste lifestyle.  This is more than recycling. It is living in such a way that one doesn't produce or contribute to the landfills. Click here for zero waste home.       Click here for zero waste girl. 

My husband and I have always been interested in living an environmentally focused and friendly lifestyle. For me it began with my grandmother who was an environmentalist before it was a word or philosophy.  She was just living frugally, practically and as a good steward of the earth.  

While I applaud the efforts of the zero trash movement I really wonder what I can do?  Could I go to zero trash?  Our family does pretty well with trash or so I thought until I saw the Johnson family's mason jar of a year's worth of trash. 

When our boys were living home we generally set out a small trash can each week for trash pick up. We felt pretty good about that. We recycle most of what we bring in.  We do most of our cooking from scratch using fresh ingredients from the market and so the can isn't stuffed with plastic packaging.  In comparison, we have a dear elderly couple living on our street.  On Wednesday night they set out all four of their 33 pound sized trash cans for pick up the next morning.  We have always said what possibly could they be throwing out?  It is just the two of them.  Each week those cans are lined up on the curb.  I have never looked under the lids even though I have been tempted.  (If I ever did, it would take the fun out of the conjecture!)

So, to read about a family with two teenage boys and one small jar of trash, I wonder how much time and effort they spend in thinking of being zero trash? Has it become second nature without becoming obsessive?  

It has given me pause in how we life our lives.  I do know that for any change or tweaks to our lifestyle, I have to find ways that this philosophy can work with what I am currently doing. I need to find small steps to integrate into my daily life. In reading over various blogs dedicated to this topic I see some actions we are already taking and am inspired to try some other ones. Click here to be inspired to practice small steps towards zero waste.

For me, it comes to being practical and realistic of our lifestyle, what we need to achieve and how committed we are to the future and to our world.  I don't know if I will be collecting our trash in mason jars in the near future but I am definitely more aware of the plastics in my life and will choose to avoid them.

What about you?  Have you heard of zero waste?  Do you recycle?  Do you practice elements of an environmentally friendly lifestyle?  What does that look like?  How does that impact you and your family? Has living environmentally sensitive impeded you in any way?  Does your city or town have stores that practice or are open to practicing zero waste, e.g. buying in bulk, using your own containers? 

Are you interested in moving towards zero waste?