While we may know that we need connection and community, how do we do it? Like so much of life it is a question of balance. We can (and should) embrace the new and incorporate those gadgets, ideas and technology that improve our lives but also maintain the old that work for our particular lifestyle.

Yet somehow we become too enamored with the new and shiny and forget the basics that define us as humans: connection with ourselves (and God) and connection through community. For all the fancy technologies, we still need some time-tested practices. Practices that can be done without any gadgetry. We need time alone and we need time with others.

In a recent Innovation Hub broadcast, I was interested in hearing about a new book/study, “Bored, Lonely, Angry and Stupid: Changing Feelings about Technology, From the Telegraph to Twitter.” The premise of the authors Susan Matt and Luke Fernandez is that

Solitude used to be regarded as a way to connect to the divine, not a sign of being a social outcast, according to Matt and Fernandez. So what caused the change? They argue that as our ability to communicate improved - with inventions like the telegraph, television and social media - we’ve felt increasingly compelled to be surrounded by stimulation, which often causes us to feel even lonelier.

As the role of religion has waned in the lives of many Americans, and the influence of tech has grown, we’ve come to believe that our own power is vast (rather than small and meek, as preachers once argued). Fernandez and Matt say that this has led us to overestimate our abilities; for example, we think we can do everything at once (which, according to the research, is a myth), be connected all the time, and have hundreds of friends. Matt and Fernandez believe that these unrealistic expectations feed into our feelings of loneliness and boredom.

The industrial revolution led to the development of repetitive jobs, particularly with the advent of the assembly line. Matt and Fernandez argue that, around this time, people’s tolerance for boredom plummeted, leading to a greater demand for entertainment. In today’s world, with nearly limitless content to consume, they say that this demand has created an oversupply of instant gratification, potentially impacting our ability to focus and make long-term decisions.

I liked the reference of solitude and divine connection. In the classic definition of spiritual disciplines, solitude is a discipline. It is a practice that doesn’t come naturally to us. It is learning to be still and “know that I am God”. The mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, “I have discovered that all the unhappiness of men arises from one single fact, in that they cannot stay quietly in their own chamber.” While solitude can be silent it doesn’t need to be. The biggest prevention is to intentionally do it: plan a couple of hours to be by yourself (sans electronic gizmos), take a walk, read, pray, sing,

While I love sharing my favorite outdoor places with others, being alone on a beach is a refreshing head-clearing experience. So too is sitting next to a stream or on a park bench. In those solitude moments I usually have my journal beside me, sometimes a Bible and write out whatever comes to mind.

Connecting with others in true community might take as much practice as learning to be comfortable with solitude. I heard about a thought provoking program called The People’s Supper. The People’s Supper “works to transform some of our hardest conversations and most isolating experiences into sources of community support, candid conversation, and forward movement using the age-old practice of breaking bread.” The premise is to build relationships through a shared meal. From the beginning of time, humans have connected over the shared campfire. This program provides resources so that through the atmosphere of a shared meal, meaningful conversations, attitudes and behaviors can be examined. The goal is that through this shared meal and conversation, understanding, connection and relationships develop. As the website notes:

“Very rarely does a response make something better, connection does.”

“Social change moves at the speed of relationships. Relationships move at the speed of trust.”

It takes courage to build community and courage to discover oneself. In both instances there is a risk of unearthing something unpleasant. But the benefits of an authentic “real” life are worth it. It is the equivalent to a child’s development: children thrive in conditions of security and trust. When those needs are met, a child can blossom. As a community, when we become comfortable with ourselves and our purpose in life, we can be open to building substantial connections. If those connections are solid, the society can move forward and then, who knows what can develop?

What about you? How are you with the technology balance? Do you give yourself space to just “be”? Have you ever had a moment of solitude? How are your conversations with others? Is the extent of your discussions with others transactional? How’s the weather? What did you do last night? Have you ever had a deep conversation with a stranger? Acquaintance? Neighbor? Family member? How did that go?

While we look forward to the future and all the improvements that can be made, we should also remember those behaviors that lay the foundation for that future: connection with ourselves and one another.

Click here for resources to hosting a supper.

Thank you for the emails, cards and well-wishes for a speedy recovery. This past Monday I had my surgery to repair my wrist- I had a titanium plate “installed” on my radius. I am currently in a splint and ace wrap- not to be removed for 11 days at which time I return to the surgeon. The plan then will be a removable splint. I am trying to keep the arm elevated (as I type this with my right hand, my left is raised in the air like the obnoxious kid in class with their hand always raised) and the fingers moving. Not an easy nor painless feat. But, each day is better. I am grateful for the technology to repair this!