Recently I have been perusing a book I had picked up awhile ago, Moving On by Sarah Ban Breathnach. She speaks to building a house of belonging- what she defines as the house of one’s dreams, ideas, and longings. In essence, a “build it and they will come” mentality of self-determination; once you uncover your hidden longings, you can envision your future and make decisions/changes to achieve it.

While I am not so convinced with her premise because life sometimes has a way of unfolding in quite a different way than our thoughts, what I find interesting is her exploration about the house: how important the home is. In light of our current pandemic and all things home bound, I find some of her words resonate. She offers practical tips on home making and expands the idea of home comforts and of physically creating the house of belonging.

While she infuses the practical with the mystical of the home, I think there is more to the house of belonging than she states. I think the home is the symbol of the longing of every human heart to belong- to feel that this is the place where one’s tribe or one’s peeps understands them, and that one’s home is a place of refuge. To feel that in this space, one is known, accepted and loved.

Perhaps one of the reasons for such division and clash in our country now is that we, collectively, do not have that sense of belonging. Due to many isolating factors: COVID, social structures, video games, internet- we have become removed from personal and physical interactions and thus removed from a feeling of belonging. America is more of an individualist society, yet we still need each other. We still need to feel that we belong and to create spaces where that happens.

In light of our next wave of COVID and the impending quarantine/lock-down that may follow, I was thinking of how can I create spaces for that belonging? First of all, how can I stay physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy? You know- the overused airplane oxygen analogy- in the event that the cabin experiences reduced pressure, put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. How can I maintain my own well-being in order to help others maintain theirs?

I know that I have a tendency to feel isolated and down during the winter months and the shortened sunlight hours. How to ensure that I connect with others, feel productive and able to contribute to society when I am isolated? How, when I am isolated, can I make others feel included? How can I embrace a house of belonging? A sense of hospitality? A place of love?

A dear tennis friend shared how she is intentionally connecting with a college roommate. They have a standing phone call every other week. While they know that some weeks they may not be able to connect it gives her something to look forward to in the interim week. Sure. She could just connect via text or email but that set time for telephoning creates an anticipation and allows a physical connection of speaking/hearing.

Her comment reminded me about the importance of having something to look forward to. Positive anticipation. What has been called “nexting”. I wonder if some of the collateral damage due to the pandemic and isolation is that many people have stopped planning or anticipating. Many plans are on hold until “after the pandemic is over” or “once a vaccine is discovered”. I saw an Facebook picture of a tri-fold poster with different quotes for the present state of mind. One quote said, My biggest mistake of 2020 was buying a day planner. That lack of “nexting” can breed despair. It creates a lack of hope.

I think that positive anticipation can and possibly should take the form of smaller anticipations. Especially during uncertain times. If we think about it, the majority of our well-being is made up of the smaller decisions and tasks during the day: When I finish this blog, I will have lunch; this evening I will watch the next episode of The Coroner; after my walk, I’ll text my friend. Little actions, even obligations that can be re-framed as positive anticipation or “nexting”. If we think we have to do everything now, we become anxious, agitated and overwhelmed. It makes sense to “next” our plans: our to-do lists, our activities, our interactions with others.

What about you? Do you have a sense of home belonging? How does that relate to your sense of well-being? Have you given any thought to what you will do if/when we have another quarantine? What worked/didn’t work this spring? How can you provide a sense of home belonging to your friends and family? What are you anticipating?

I like the idea that my actions and thoughts are building a house of belonging- both physically, emotionally and spiritually. I like the idea that I can create space where others feel that they belong and are loved. I like the idea of creating a house of belonging not only for the future but also for the present.