What type of gifts have you received from your friends? Not tangible or monetary gifts, but rather any skills? Or philosophies? Or guidance on how to live life?

Our dear friend died over the weekend. (see blog posting for November 17, 2021) He is now in his eternal home. In thinking about him, I cannot help but think of the “life philosophy” gift that defined him and that he has given to others: building community. I know that I have learned about the importance of drawing people together from having observed him and how he responded to people.

He knew how to connect people because he discovered their commonalities- whether it was through their beach neighborhood, a shared interest such as baseball or those who liked to sing. As I previously wrote, he was a great listener. He would ask questions and be open to whatever anyone told him. He knew much about many people and would use that information to connect individuals through their common interests. One of his frequent comments as he was listening and engaging in conversation was “interesting”. He was curious and said it not in any facetious way. No judgement. No opinion or advice given. Just the fact that he thought what the speaker said was interesting as he was learning more about a new friend or acquaintance. He provided a safe space where individuals could connect, share, feel loved and in turn, they could connect, share and love others.

I think of another friend who is the most thoughtful individual I have ever encountered. She anticipates your needs before you even think you have needs. She is so creative in her thoughtfulness because she immerses herself into what you are experiencing. Her empathy is truly God-given. I look at others and their needs totally differently because of my observations of her. When I find myself in a situation where I want to help another person, I think of my friend and how she would approach the issue: what would be the best way to love that individual in their current situation?

Many years ago, an extroverted co-worker showed me how to break out of my introverted ways: observing her with her “get more flies with honey” attitude even the most irascible clients were tamed. I saw that I needed to learn how to not take things so seriously, to smile more and to take the time with “niceties” with people. Sometimes we have to suffer fools gladly in order to get beyond the superficial and discover a person’s true potential and worth.

When God created man, He said that it was not good for man to be alone and so He created a helper- woman. I think one of the reasons God did so was to create community: to create a society where we need one another because not one individual is totally whole and complete. It is in the observation and living with others that we bump up against how each one thinks, responds and acts. Hopefully in that “bumping”, our life experiences and observations rub off on one another. The God-created talents and gifts in you, help me as I go along in my journey and hopefully the God-created talents and gifts in me, will aid you. Needing one another keeps us humble and open- since I do not know or have it all, I can humbly ask of you what you know or have. I can be open to your experiences and knowledge.

What about you? What have you observed in your friends and acquaintances? Have their life experiences changed you in any way? How so?

For all three of my friends, I have been changed by coming in contact with them and the way they live their lives. I think one of the gifts they have given me is demonstrating how to be open to others through listening, learning and loving well.