Some Days….
Our little cove. A place that helps me put things into perspective.
Ever feel that some days, all nature conspires against you?
The days when nothing seems to go right- starting from when you first get up. The milk for your coffee has spoiled. You are out of toothpaste. The slowest car is in front of you on your way to do a “quick” errand. Your computer has glitches. Your dog gets sick on the rug right before guests arrive. Your children can’t stop bickering, and you have a bad hair day. I could go on and on. You get the picture.
Today was such a day for me. Try as I might, nothing was going right. With each hour, I could feel my frustration level rising higher and higher. When I tried to take a break from the frustration and exercise, I was thwarted from doing what I needed to do. An odd thing happened with our key fob and the car so that I couldn’t lock it after I had made the trek to the town pool to exercise. I had to leave and come home without my swim.
I realize that today’s issues are not life and death issues- more annoyances than anything else but it has been enough to set me off in a grumpy direction.
Part of my frustration today came as I was working through multiple emails and responses to questions. I felt that persons in the numerous groups with which I am involved were being difficult. (Hmmm. I realize that I AM the common denominator so perhaps it is I who was being fractious!)
All of my groups are working on a bunch of projects and while in theory, the members seem to want new ideas and action plans, what they really just want to do is what they have always done. I am not against that per se, but find it frustrating because when I was initially asked to be part of the project it was for “fresh ideas'“ that I could bring to the table. Turns out, what they really want is the same ole, same ole. Then, to make matters worse, the persons in question will offer lots of suggestions on how one, namely me, should accomplish a task when one, again namely I, really want to say- If you are so interested in my doing it your way, just do it yourself!
As our son says as times- life would be fine if it weren’t for the people.
And yet. People are what makes life, worth living. What is the old adage? We have to get along to go along? We have to get along with all sorts, even the ones who frustrate us the most. Life doesn’t move forward without others.
So, what to do?
My natural inclination is to turtle: stick my head into my shell and not get involved. That’s it, I tell myself. Next time, do not get involved with other people. For, it is when we get involved and become part of a group or community that we are vulnerable. We can be hurt or disappointed.
Why risk it? I think, when I am so frustrated. Because there is always the risk in community that there will be “some days”, where you feel you cannot get along. Where everyone, including yourself is fractious.
When I have one of “those” days, I need to get outside. I need to see the bigger picture- literally. To see the blue sky, feel the breeze on my skin and the warmth of the sun on my face. To put things into perspective. Generally, things are never as frustrating or as bad as we make them out in our heads.
I need to put my feet into the shoes of the other person. We never really know what is going on with others and why they act the way they do. I need to give a little more grace.
And, I need to pray. Many times, the people who annoy me the most are the ones who are, if I really examine it, most like me. Scratch the surface of them and you might find me. I need to pray that God shows me how to get along with those who annoy me and that God changes my heart.
On a practical level, I need to move around. I find that if I do something productive, I will always feel better. Perhaps it is to make up for the frustration of not accomplishing anything in the group projects that I find myself puttering around in my garden- repotting plants, pulling weeds, and doing some fall cleanup.
What about you? Have you ever had one of those days? Some days… when everything seems to go wrong? Do you become frustrated? What do you do about it? Have you ever done group work that was frustrating? How did you handle it?
It is days like these that I think back to elementary school and group projects. Boy, did I hate those assignments. In a group of four, there was always one who didn’t do the work. At the time, who knew how much we would be doing group projects for the rest of our lives?
According to the University of Pittsburgh’s Department of Communication, here are some tips for working in groups:
Work hard. For all activities, do your share and a little bit more. Be responsible, and then add a little extra to bring the standards of the group up and make its success more likely.
Be inclusive. Bring every member of the group in on discussions, decision making, and activities. Give everyone a chance to speak, listen to them, and give serious consideration to what they are saying. Cooperate.
Take turns. Don’t be the leader all the time. Don’t be a follower all the time. Don’t talk too much--listen to others. Don’t just listen to others—share your opinions too.
Be nice. Avoid personal criticism. Make sure you understand what someone is saying before you weigh in with your opinion about it. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Be timely. Show up promptly for meetings. Meet all deadlines. When you’re late, you waste people’s time and make them mad. People depend on you. Get it done on time.
Don’t be an enabler. If you’ve got somebody who isn’t doing their work, hold them responsible as a group. Everyone needs to do their part.
Stay focused on the task. Make your meetings count. Don’t drift into irrelevant subjects. Be mindful about what you need to accomplish.
Improve the mood of the group. Be positive. Be fun. Be appreciative of other people. Be full of good ideas. Do your part to make the environment a good one.
Don’t cast blame unfairly. If there is a problem in the group, begin by asking what you have done (or not done) to contribute to that problem—and what you might do to fix it. If there is conflict, try to work it out through respectful talk with each other (not e-mail, a horrible conflict medium). Try to understand the other person’s point of view as you discuss the issue.
The good news about “some days” is that it is only “some” days. It isn’t “all” days. Tomorrow will dawn another day and another opportunity to go along and get along. Some days….