Weary Souls

Sick. And. Tired.

Have you ever felt the weight of each of those words? Sometimes we say it blurred together- “sickandtired”- as if it is just a common detail like a brown eyed girl. Other times, each word and its weariness weighs on us and we feel immobilized.

I have felt that immobilization numerous times, especially when I experienced caregiver burnout. The thought of one more step, one more answered phone call, one more request for help would set me right over the edge. The weight of those words could cause me to cry a river wherever I found myself. I was a weary soul.

Last week I felt the same overwhelming weariness as I was preparing for a weekly responsibility. I felt so sick and tired of the same old, same old. “How come I get stuck doing this?”, I grumbled to myself. I dragged myself to my meeting.

However once I got there I saw the eager and innocent faces of the people who were counting on me and I was stirred by compassion. “How can I grumble when these folks have so much need?”

It is not that I was being such a selfless individual. (I am far from that.) It was that God stirred compassion in my soul.

I was reminded of the time when Jesus “withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Jesus was trying to get away for a time but the crowd had followed him. The day became long and as this was a desolate place there were no places to “grab dinner”. Jesus miraculously supplied the food for the five thousand plus crowd, all with the blessing of five loaves and two fish. (Matthew 14: 13-21)

While there are other interpretations and devotionals about the feeding of the five thousand, what I like about this story is the hope that it provides and the relate-ability of Jesus. Jesus, in his humanity (Son of God/Son of Man) was weary. The story right before this one tells of the beheading of John the Baptist. Surely Jesus must’ve been sad and distressed about that- John was his cousin and precursor to Jesus’ ministry. I am sure that the human side of Jesus needed to get away.

“Can’t I go anywhere? Even when I pick a desolate place, they follow me.” Jesus doesn’t complain and say that, but I certainly would have. I wonder as He looked upon the needs of the crowds if He had a conversation with His father, “provide me with the strength I need for this task.”

In this story, God does provide. He provides strength and energy for the weary human-side of Jesus and He provides sustenance to the mass of humanity gathered.

It is so hard to have balance: balance between caring for ourselves and serving others. But it is so important to master that balance. For if we don’t we will suffer burnout- physically and mentally. Also others will experience burnout through the backlash of our bitterness.

Conversely, if we care for ourselves, we can care for others. The miracle of the bread and fish provided care for the crowd but it also provided resources for Jesus to meet those needs of the needy.

Are you bone weary? Sick. And. Tired? Do you find yourself day in, day out caring for a loved one or stuck in a place of service that you do not see any relief? Are you trying to manage it all by yourself?

Hang in there. Find someone to share your struggles- whether a listening ear or a tending hand. If you have the means, think about hiring someone to help for a short period of time. Take a break from volunteering. Say no to solicitations. You can always say that you are taking a sabbatical and ask that they reach out to you in six months.

Take time to meditate on the sayings of Jesus. What I love about the Matthew passage is the image of the yoke. I heard during a sermon once (thanks Sis) about the making of a yoke. It was made of wood and was tailored made for the specific oxen who was to wear it. The yoke would be planed, sanded and fitted exactly for that animal.

God knows each one of us intimately. He knows when we are weary and when we need rest.

1 Peter 5: 7: “Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.”

Galatians 6: 2: “Bear one another’s burdens…”

Matthew 11: 29, 30: “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Sisyphus Syndrome

Have you ever felt like Sisyphus?  In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was the incorrigible king of Corinth who was condemned to hard labor for all eternity.  His task was to roll a stone up a hill only to have it roll back down once he reached the summit and his energy was spent.  

Not that I am calling you incorrigible. Rather I wonder if you feel like Sisyphus as you go about your life. Like Sisyphus and his ever-needing-to-be-carried boulder, do you feel the heaviness of the burdens of responsibility coupled with the futility of repeating the same thing time and time again?  Do you feel like Sisyphus as your life repeats itself with worry, lack of sleep, too much to do in too short amount of time and with life situations and decisions spinning out of control?

Sisyphus by Titan, 1549.  Museo Nacional del Prado. This is a photograph of a faithful production of a 2-D work of art. 

There are many people whom I know and love who suffer from the Sisyphus syndrome.  The syndrome begins mildly by agreeing to carry a small responsibility such as a few volunteer days, a couple of social outings, membership in a group or class, a change in work schedule, an increase of job responsibilities, a commitment to assist friends or family.  Before one realizes it, one has come down with a full case of the Sisyphus syndrome;  extreme tiredness, exhaustion and feelings of futility due to the repeated carrying of boulders of responsibility which never seem to get placed or resolved.

I think all of us at one time feel the pressures of a heavy boulder/burden.  We carry it all by ourselves, up a steep hill only to watch it roll back down. Try and try as we might we can never get the boulder to stay in place.  Our burdens never seem to be lifted, if anything there appears to be more burdens to carry.  If we are not careful the boulder can smother us on its descent. 

What to do about it?  Is life a Sisyphus situation?  Can we ever break the cycle? Can we ever feel that we have shouldered our burdens and have now earned a place of reprieve or rest from that particular one?

I think it takes some soul searching and some answering of tough questions:

Do you want to continue life as you know it?  Just like the pattern of Sisyphus, life will continue as it always does.  That is one of the universal laws of motion: a body in motion stays in motion.  We will continue the path we have chosen unless we choose differently.  Do you want to stay on your current path?  For how long?  For this week?  For this month?  For this year?   For the next five or ten years?

How do you want things to be? We may truly want to be busy, to volunteer, to work, to have an active social life.  We may want to carry the boulders of responsibility. The question becomes what would be the ideal?  How many boulders can we carry?  When can we lay them down? What type of balance do you want in your life? 

How will you go about changing?   How will you go about moving towards the way you would like life to be?  Can you make some small changes in your life, e.g. only participate in one weekly group, that move you toward your ideal? 

• Perhaps ridding yourself of the Sisyphus syndrome means that you have to make bigger changes.  If it is your job that is making you feel that life is futile, can you prepare for changing jobs?  Updating your resume? Finding out what other types of jobs are available? Taking classes or training that prepares you for a new position?
• Perhaps it means you have to ask others to share the boulder/burden.  Delegate tasks. Ask for help. 
• Perhaps it is saying no.  "No, I cannot volunteer on the PTA membership committee at this time."
• Perhaps it is prioritizing for the next three months.  "I need to concentrate solely on x,y,z and cannot take on any other responsibilities."  Or it might be that there are things that you have to do but in order to do them, something else has to be let go.
• Perhaps it is not taking on any new tasks until the latest project is complete. 

There is a quote that is misattributed to Einstein:  "Insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different result."  Whether Einstein said it or something like it, it doesn't take a genius to know that repetitive worry, stress and feelings of futility will only lead to a life of misery.  I would encourage you to stop the madness and break free of Sisyphus syndrome.