Day 5: Words and Pictures- Expectations & Expectancy
Expectancy and expectant…
What are your expectations? About your future? Your family? Your self? Your health? Your job? Your life philosophy? The corona virus? I think part of my anxiety of this pandemic is that we do not really know what to expect. Sure, there are predictive models and interpretation of past pandemics or current countries but there is really no set plan or pattern for what the next couple of months, weeks or even days might look like.
They say that much of the stress of holidays, family gatherings or lifetime events is due to false or high expectations. We think: “This Christmas, everyone will be happy with their gifts.” “We will have a family photo and everyone will be in a good mood…” “The weather will be perfect for the outdoor wedding…” We set ourselves up with expectations only to be let down.
As I reflect during Holy Week, I think of the false expectations the people in Jesus’ day had about Him- they wanted a conquering, warrior king to relieve them from the oppression that they were experiencing. Jesus’ reason to coming to earth was broader and more expansive than that: He conquered death and sin for the ultimate relief of oppression. He came so that ALL may experience abundant life both in the present and the future.
If I am honest, I must admit that sometimes I have false expectations of Jesus too. I (falsely) think that if I do the right things, behave in the right way then I will have a life without any struggle- I will remain healthy, financially solvent and all will be well with kith and kin. The thing is, that is not true. Jesus isn’t a genie or fairy godfather. There isn’t a cosmic “if this…, then that…” cause and effect equation. My relationship with Him is not conditional on my good deeds or works.
I wonder if one reason our expectations are disappointing is because rather than understanding the entire word and its definition-hoping or thinking something pleasant will occur, we get stuck on the “expect” part of the word. We expect that when we do certain things (follow the rules, plan to the nth degree, be a “good” person) we are entitled to a struggle-free life. One thing I am learning is that feeling entitled or expecting exactly what I want is a recipe for total disappointment. It produces bitterness, superiority and despair.
I like the word expectancy instead. While expectations and expectancy have similar definitions (the act or state of looking forward or anticipating, the probability that something will occur, the state of thinking or hoping that something, especially something pleasant, will happen or be the case) I think the word expectancy has an emphasis on positive energy- a future, an arms-wide-open life experience that whatever happens, I will embrace and rejoice. It is living into a not-knowing, yet hopeful, anticipated outcome rather than “this is what I want and am disappointed if I don’t receive it” one. (Kind of how dogs live their lives.) It is not that I am suppressing my desires either. Rather, if I align my expectations with what Jesus teaches- compassion, truth, goodness, loving God and loving humankind- and try and live into that with expectancy, then my expectations will be met even in the midst of illness, financial struggle, or insecurity.
It takes faith to let go of the expectations and let the future unfold in alignment with Jesus. I still am going to be smart about my life choices and the way I conduct myself. I just would rather have a future that is totally entwined with expectancy of seeing Jesus work in my life.
In a recent sermon, I heard the following quote: As we don’t know our life expectancy, live your life WITH expectancy. I would hope that when this pandemic ends (and it will eventually), I will look back and realize that I did just that. What about you?
Manners and Respect
The other day I was thinking about respect.
It seems to me that all of us cry out like Aretha Franklin, "R.E.S.P.E.C.T" We want and try to demand respect from others. How do you cultivate it? How do you demonstrate it?
Nothing is worse than to feel that you have been blown off by someone who completely dismisses your ideas, your work, or even you. Regardless of one's opinions, values or beliefs, we still crave respect from all, even from those who don't espouse our opinions, values or beliefs.
I was also thinking about people who feel they are entitled to anything as long as it is more, better or greater than to what you may be entitled. Not that they are completely rude like Mr. Bean but the people who think that they are entitled to get ahead of you- merging into single construction lane on the highway, queuing up at the grocery store, seeing the doctor, even standing in line at an entertainment venue. They are the people who feel that they are entitled to having others jump through hoops for them and that they are entitled to say whatever comes to mind without having to worry about any consequence. Their actions demonstrate lack of respect for those around them.
I think both respect and the entitlement mindset should be governed by manners.
Not in the seemingly senseless white glove, pinky in the air, tea sipping manners of people with way too much time on their hands.
Manners in the true sense of why we have them: to think of others before we think of ourselves, to be gracious and kind, to treat others with respect and not to feel entitled over someone else, to provide human kind with a raised bar and standard so that we are elevated over animals.
In treating someone kindly and with manners we say more about our character than anything else. It shows self-control by putting others first or holding our tongues. It shows kindness through thoughtfulness. It shows graciousness, when we do not let on that things have not gone the way we planned.
What about you? Do you feel respected by those around you? Why is that? Are you surrounded by "entitled" people? How do you treat them? How do they treat you? How are your manners? How can you show respect to someone today? How can you brush up on your manners?
Pollyanna that I am, I do believe that when we treat others well, when we expect more from them than they might feel capable of in the moment, then we will have a society that respects one another.
Sock it to me Aretha!