Weeds Disguised as Truth
While this plant is attractive and seems innocuous it can choke many of the plants around it.
Our backyard has once again morphed into a jungle. In the beginning of the season, my perennial gardens start out looking controlled, contained and cared for. By the time it is mid-growing season, the plants have spread and are all over the place. In addition, the weeds have sprung up over night. One of the problems in trying to pull out those weeds or at least to contain them is that they grow incredibly close to the plants I want to keep. In fact some, like the morning glories have become so intwined with my butterfly bush, roses, bee balm and peonies that I cannot yank out the morning glories without doing some damage to those other plants.
This past weekend my husband and I watched Mrs. Wilson, a three episode “mini series” on Masterpiece theater on PBS. What I find fascinating is that it is based on a true story that happened not too long ago. The story begins with the death of a conventional loving husband who leaves behind a distraught wife and two sons. What begins to unfold is the story of his life, his many wives and children and the deception that he conveyed. While he was a published author (23 books), there are questions to ask if his behavior was all a cover for his spy activity for the British government. As with all intrigue and subterfuge, every statement or fact is questioned whether to its truth or not. One wonders was he really a spy or just a pathological liar?
Closer to home in geography and time, I know of a couple of people who either were children of a deceptive parent with other families or wives of deceptive husbands who juggled simultaneously multiple families.
It makes me think of the concept of lies and truth. In all the thrillers that I have seen, when prepping a person for deception the “handler” explains that if one wants to lie, it is best to stick somewhat to the truth and deviate just slightly. Supposedly there is less error to be tripped up by trying to remember all the details. By slightly veering off the truth course, the information imparted is seemingly more believable.
Ahh. Doesn’t the father of lies just love how we justify deceit. Nothing is new under the sun the Hebrew wiseman suggests. “Go ahead and eat the apple,” the snake advises Eve. “You are not going to die,” he tells her.
In one sense, that is partly true. Eve and Adam did not die after eating the apple but, they did kill their open, innocent, shame-less, face-to-face relationship with God. Their physical bodies became the expression of their spiritual sin and through their disobedience caused them (and us) to experience hurts, illnesses, pain and eventually physical death.
So, “No. Mr. Serpent”, they didn’t die but it brought forth human tragedy.
I feel that as a society we are still experiencing the tragedy of half-truths and bold lies. Falsifications that appear to be quite close to the truth but are not. Falsifications which puts us, as a society, in a position of hurt, pain and even death for ourselves and for others.
Lies and truth seem to be on the front page of the news every day. It doesn’t matter where you fall on the political spectrum or from which news source you get your information- all news seems to report half-truths. It is very rare to find some source that reports “just the facts” from all angles. In some instances, what is reported are blatant and bold-faced lies. Even then, one wonders if the refuted “facts” are true? The cry, “fake news” is in itself fake news.
How do we cut through to the truth? Is it like my trying to entangle the morning glory from my butterfly bush? Will there be loss of integrity in the process? Do I just let the morning glories stay entwined and not pull it out until the fall? There is a parable by Jesus: a farmer planted wheat and unbeknownst to the farmer, his enemy went at night and planted weeds among the seeds. When the wheat sprung up, so did the weeds. When the farmer was asked if the weeds should be pulled, the farmer replied to wait until the harvest lest the wheat plant be pulled up along with the weed.
In discovering truth we might have to pull the weeds and suffer damage- as was the case with Mrs. Wilson. Innocent people can get hurt when the truth is exposed. Yet we know that the truth sets us free. It frees us from guilt and shame. It can set us up for forgiveness- both to be forgiven and to forgive.
At other times we need to let things be, let the weeds and the wheat develop, to wait until harvest time when the true plant (truth) can be separated from the weeds (lies) which will then be destroyed. Sometimes by waiting, the true nature of the situation or person is exposed without having to try and convince another about it. Like the old adage, “The truth will come out in the wash,” in the due process of time, truth will be revealed.
It still can be difficult to stay the course for truth, both in our individual lives and in our society because lies by nature and definition, are very close to the truth. It is hard to ferret it out. For myself, I try to use Biblical teaching as my litmus test to Truth- what does God say about the current situation, specifically and/or fundamentally? What is the true motivation behind the story? What is being camouflaged? What is the emotional, “fluff” of the discussion? What is the essence of what is reported?
What about you? How do you suss out the truth? Do you pull out it regardless of the cost? Has there been collateral damage in the process? Have you been set free by truth? What lies have you heard? What lies have you told? What information with the passing of time have you found to be true or not?
One thing that always occurs to me as I am weeding: if I had kept on top of the weeding from the beginning, I would have destroyed them when they were manageable. That is the other thing with lies. They need to be stopped as soon as they are uttered. If not, they will grow and grow until there is no other recourse than to destroy everything.
Toothpaste Lies
There was an interesting story on the NPR Story Corp. A 94 year old gentleman originally from Atlantic City, NJ shared a shameful secret that he has been harboring all these years:
"When I was 8 years old, I was running in the schoolyard and my arm struck the eyeglasses of one of the students. And he began to cry. He was going to tell his father. It would cost two dollars to fix the glasses. And I was frightened to death — where was I going to get the two dollars? We had a cleaning lady by the name of Pearl, a black woman. And I knew that every week, she’d get two dollars for her services. On this particular day, I was so terrified, I took the two dollars, and took it to the teacher and settled the problem of the broken glasses.
When Pearl finished her day’s work, she went for the two dollars and they weren’t there. And my mother said there was no question that Pearl took the two dollars and didn’t admit it. And my mother was so angry, that she told Pearl not to come back anymore. And then the word leaked out that Pearl was a thief, and Pearl couldn’t get another job. And she had several children.
I was the only one who knew the true story. And I didn’t tell anyone. And I was smitten with grief at what I had done. I kept that secret to the age of 94, which is hard to believe, but the event never left me."
What a story. Makes one realize that our parents' admonishment to tell the truth regardless of the outcome was true. I know that as a parent, a lie sets me into an orbit of anger. I have always said that I prefer the truth (and would try and not get angry even if the truth and the subsequent incident was caused by stupidity or poor judgement) over any lie. Lying has deep implications. There is no such thing as an insulated incident. The choices we make in one incident affect the choices of others. It becomes the domino effect. What happened to Pearl? Since she was "blackballed" from getting another job, what did she do? What happened to her children?
It reminds me of the analogy of toothpaste and lies. When we lie it is like squeezing too much toothpaste out of the tube. It cannot go back. We must be judicious in how much toothpaste we use. So too, we must be judicious with the words that we use. We have to weigh our words carefully. Once a lie is spoken, it is out there forever. We can try and rectify it but ultimately the words cannot go back. And in the case of destroying a reputation, those lies are toxic.
Certainly, one can see the rationale behind the eight-year-old's decision; he was scared, he wanted to do what was right with the glasses and he probably didn't think the $2 was such a big deal for his mother- she could just give Pearl some more. He probably never thought that his mom would accuse Pearl of taking the original $2 and claiming that she didn't get it.
And, who are we to judge? After all, I am sure all of us have had situations where we have lied and not "fessed" up. Perhaps we would tell ourselves that those little white lies didn't harm anyone, but did they? Do we really know the lengths and depths of the impact of the words we say? In the case of this elderly gentleman, the lie was with him his entire life.
What about you? Have you ever done something of which you were ashamed? Have you ever told anyone? Is it something that you can try and "repair" any damage?
What do you do when you encounter lies in others? Do you challenge it? Do you ask for the truth? Do you have to be a detective to suss out the truth? Is it worth the effort?
Maybe our tube of toothpaste can be a daily reminder that our words are to be truthful. That anything coming out of our mouth should be used for good.