Darkest Before Dawn
Traveling down a dark road? Keep walking towards the light…
I am sure you have heard the adage that it is always darkest before dawn. While I know the expression is true, it wasn’t until driving in the wee hours of the morning recently that it really struck home.
When I travel to our beloved beach house, I like to leave early in the morning in order to avoid heavy traffic as well as get to the house in the early afternoon. Then I feel as if I haven’t driven the entire day and can get a few things done on the “travel” day.
The thing is, when I leave the house in the predawn hours, the sky looks fairly light. It is only as I have driven about an hour and half that the sky seems to turn darker and seemingly ominous. It is then that I have the mental conversation, “Why did you have to leave so early?” I can feel my limbs and muscles wanting to stretch out in a comfy bed and go back to sleep. I have to remind myself of the destination and visualize the house, the beach and the peaceful feelings I get when I go there.
The darkened sky, landscape and highway seem like it will never end. But, before long, I will start to see a glimmer of light on the horizon and once that begins, the sky quickly becomes lighter and lighter until a full sunrise.
It is a new day.
What a wonderful metaphor for life: situations can turn difficult and dark but they do not stay that way- new beginnings can come out of those situations. The light of a new day will come.
Recently our family is experiencing an emotional journey like this: our last remaining parent (my husband’s mom) has been steadily declining with her health, recently hospitalized and now is in the process of rehab with an eminent change in her living situation. While we know the ultimate end of her destination (that which will bring her peace and the ultimate new home) it seems as if we are in the dark hours of the soul for her. A hard time for all involved. While we are in it, it seems as if the sky has become darker and darker. Yet, we tentatively hold on: light that will be dawning.
What about you? Are you going through a dark time? Does the absence of light envelop you? Does it appear that there isn’t any light at the end of the road? Yet can you visualize that light? Where you are headed? Can that glimmer of hope keep you going?
I have found that in these dark times of my soul, I repeat over and over again, “Thy will be done.” I do not know for what to pray at this time (Mom’s complete healing? Spared from any more pain and distress through a quick death? Strength and patience for us?) but I do know that God is sovereign. He is in control. His ways are not our ways. And that when I do not know how to pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me. I have to just let go of all my feelings, emotions, and thoughts to God through prayer and let Him work.
So, hang in there. There is light that is just around the corner. It may be a glimmering ray, but a new day is coming none the less.
P.S. Thank you regular readers for being patient for this late posting. As I am sure many of you have experienced, when you have a loved one in the hospital or any health setting it is very hard to get any work done. Even if you have your laptop with you (as I did), there are constant interruptions to seemingly long days of waiting (the “hurry up and wait” phenomena).
Bullet Head
Back in the 1970's during the running craze, a twenty something young man was running a marathon in Wisconsin with the hope to finish under 3 hours in order to qualify for the Boston marathon. He was running fine, meeting his time goals when around mile 16 he felt something hit the top of his head. He thought it might be a stone or something and when he felt the top of his head, he felt an "egg" type swollen area. He didn't give it too much thought but just kept plugging along. As he advanced along the course, he felt like he was running slower and slower and just didn't feel right but he plugged along and finally finished. When his wife saw him at the finish line she was concerned because he didn't finish in the time they had thought. Only when she questioned him did he mention the thing that hit him on the head. She convinced him to see the race doctor who said that he saw something shiny in his skull and needed to go to the local ER. While there, the doctors determined that he had a bullet in his brain and very carefully dislodged it. It was in a position that was just right for removal- any other place- either deeper or shallower would've created considerable health problems.
It was only a couple days later that he received a call from a gentleman who wanted to know what the he, the runner looked like. The caller was supposed to run in that Wisconsin marathon but didn't since he knew that "bad people" were after him. Turns out the runner was shot in a misidentification mishap.
What struck me was the humor and fortitude of this guy. He eventually did run in the Boston marathon as well as many other marathons and extreme marathons. For a time he even wore a running shirt with his nick name "Bullet Man" on it and was once on the show "To Tell the Truth".
Dennis Rainer was shot in the head while running a marathon in Michigan. He kept running, finishing the race in just over three hours. (Courtesy of Dennis Rainear)
He said that having the bullet in his head was a blessing and curse. Of course, no one wants to be shot- the curse. But, he said anything after that incident pales by comparison: at times when he wanted to give up running he would think, "I ran and finished a race with a bullet in my head. How can I stop this time just because I am tired?" He applied that fortitude to other areas in his life.
It made me think of things that have happened to me that, at the time I found were a pain (literally or figuratively) and could be seen as a curse. Yet, because I could press on through the incident and "survived", I can use that milestone as a reminder to keep going: If I could get through in the past, I can get through in the present.
What about you? Any "bullets in your head"? What did you learn from that experience? Are you still learning? How can you reframe your bad experience into one that has shaped you in a better way?