Good from Suffering?
A kaleidoscope. The physical example of seeing possibilities in broken and varieties of glass. Random mixing of the glass, produces beautiful patterns.
“You do not need to know precisely what is happening or exactly where it is going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope.” Thomas Merton
I found the above quote in a serendipitous way. You know how it goes- you start looking up something online, that leads to something else and then another something else until voila- you find a quote or essay or video that strikes a chord with you. The above quote was found in one such rabbit hole as I was reading a piece of writing from a former acquaintance. Turns out it was the above quote that resonated with her during a faith-questioning time following the initial diagnosis of a debilitating chronic illness.
It has struck me too because of late, friends and family have been bombarded with all sorts of twists, turns and unknowns in their life journeys: unforeseen diagnosis, hospitalizations, existential questions of “Why me?”, “Why bother?”, “What is the point of life?” Questions about what is happening in their lives and where they are headed on this journey.
Last Friday there was a piece on StoryCorps about a women in Leverett, MA who went around town and interviewed various people about their experiences during this pandemic and lockdown. The woman had her own time of unknowns: her daughter had died a couple of months before the pandemic and then she lost her job at the beginning of the pandemic. She found that interviewing others helped her find footing in her life. As she said, “Doing these interviews gave me a sense of purpose and meaning that I badly needed. Just when things seemed so dark, I found some light in the words of the people all around me.”
I was especially taken with her feelings of purpose and meaning. That seems to be the crux in life: we were designed to have purpose and meaning and because we are thinking beings, to recognize it. Most people can endure hardships when there is an understanding of purpose or at least some type of positive outcome/useful experience for others to the hardship. One may not enjoy the difficulty but at least if the hardship serves some kind of purpose and meaning there is some acceptance.
I found an interesting article in a 2018 post on Psychology Today, “Finding purpose in the Face of Tragedy and Adversity”.
“Regardless of whether people believe that “everything happens for a reason” or believe in a higher plan, and regardless of how resilient or vulnerable they are, most are able to derive some meaning in the face of adversity if some good comes from their suffering and misfortune, for themselves or others. And people are often remarkably adept at achieving this. The good that people make from bad usually does not make the bad event “worthwhile,” let alone indicate that the event was cosmically intended, but it can help people deal with their trauma and derive some meaning from it.”*
I also heard an interesting story about the “desk guys”: a father who built desks for his virtual-schooling children and a local business who wanted to do something for the community. The father had made a video demonstrating how he made the school desk for his kids. The video caught the attention of the local store who was willing to provide supplies for desks. The two entities partnered and have been able to help families in the community. From their standpoint, they “just want to help” and the recipients are so grateful because the desks “lift people’s spirits up”. One good deed, encourages the spirit and also motivates more good deeds. The father who was making desks said that one night as he was working in his garage, a man approached him, asked, “Are you the desk man?” and upon the affirmation, the gentleman handed the dad $20 for materials for a desk. A simple act yet the father was even more encouraged. “Good folks are out there.” Even an incident as disrupting as a global pandemic, has positive outcomes where courage, faith, and hope can be embraced.
What about you? How are things going for you? Do you find your life is chaotic, out of control? Is there anything that you have discovered about yourself or others through this time? Have you recognized any challenges or possibilities in the midst of the hardship? Have you found any meaning or purpose? Seen any courage, faith or hope displayed?
In the midst of any chaos, turmoil or suffering in one’s life, there is a way to endure. There is a place to know that whatever one experiences, there is goodness that comes out of difficulties, both large and small. For most individuals, the power of getting through difficulties it just that- getting through. There may not be any big societal or personal change but rather the reward of stick-to-it-ness and found meaning through the sharing and encouragement of one another. It is the small things that keeps us going: the kind note, the smile, the listening, the sharing of time, talents or resources. It is the learning and accepting that hardships will happen and that we cannot control or predict the future. Our task is to be present in the moment and to act accordingly- to find the challenges and opportunities as well as to be witness to the hardship. Sometimes that is for ourselves. Other times it is the opportunity to bear witness of another’s hardship. Either way it is an opportunity to rise about the hardship with courage, faith, and hope. At least that is my prayer when I experience difficulties. May it be yours too.
*https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-purpose/201811/finding-purpose-in-the-face-tragedy-and-adversity
Living the Dream
One of our dreams- travel with our boys. We are overlooking the Danube River in Austria. Standing on ruins of Durnstein castle where Richard the Lionhearted of England was held having been captured for ransom in 1193 A.D. upon his return from the Crusades.
Do you ever dream or envision a life different than what you are currently living? Is this new vision a reality or a pipe dream? Are you totally unrealistic in your wishes or just afraid to try? Is this vision a calling? Does it comprise of your talents, gifts, abilities, desires?
I have enjoyed the musings of author, Jennifer L. Scott and her blog, The Daily Connoisseur. At that site she expounds on living excellently. She touches on topics like dressing appropriately, the ten-item wardrobe, practicing poise in one's daily life, home organization, simplicity and in general, how to live life well.
What I like about her is that she is unapologetic in her opinions. For instance, she will comment on the unmannerly use of inappropriate language or the benefit of dressing well in public. For her, there is no shame in enjoying good things. Her rationale for doing so is not so much for hedonistic pleasure but a philosophy on life that good living is honorable.
She has disclosed that in the next year she, her husband and three children will be traveling throughout Europe visiting family (her husband is British) and having experiences with her children. In order to prepare for a lifestyle like this, she and her husband have made choices to be debt-free. They have made sacrifices for this plan.
Kudos for her for having an idea on how they will live their life and then have a plan and discipline to do so.
It inspires and encourages me to re-think the direction I am going. As I have been considering work/life balance, I have been reevaluating purpose and plan for my life. My musings are not such a major re-consideration or adjustment in my life, but just a fine tuning. Through much of the process I am just validating and regrouping what I already know.
Do you know where you are headed in life? Do you feel a calling for a certain profession, a way of life or even a specific activity? Ms. Scott's example is not a big passionate lifetime calling like being an overseas missionary but it does follow the desires of her and her family's heart. Not all of us are called into the big visual ministries. Yet all of us are called by God to live the life He has designed us to live.
There are steps to fulfilling our call in life which includes many choices on our part. For me it comes down to my interaction with God and my election of free-will throughout those choices.
1) God has a plan for each one of us. Our journey in life is discovering the call, listening to it and obeying that call. That plan generally includes the people in our lives (spouse, friends, children, grandchildren, etc.) because we do not go through this journey alone.
2) God has given us gifts and graces in order to carry out that call. He doesn't give us an assignment without giving us the necessary tools to do it. It may be that we need to practice our talent, learn more about a subject through education or through the wisdom of others.
3) God will give us the details of the plan. This can be the troublesome point. God will unfold the details for the plan, but generally not all at once. In our "need to know all" mentality, we have to trust that God will tell us as we "need to know just this much. For now".
4) God will give us the discipline to continue through the call. If we ask. This is our active part of trusting in God. I have found that as I grow in my faith (through Bible study and prayer), He is shaping me through discipline. He gives me the strength to keep going when the times are tough. He reassures me of His plan when I doubt if the call is real. Sometimes, I need physical discipline (like Ms. Scott learned to be debt-free in order to do her travel) and "bottom" (as they say in the UK) to make hard lifestyle choices so that I can follow the call.
5) God will redirect us when our call is complete. I do think that we may have a lifetime call or we may have a call for "such a time as this". Our calling and plan may be short lived but that doesn't mean that it wasn't significant nor impactful.
Our call doesn't have to be mutually exclusive from our heart's desires. If there are activities, situations or things that bring us joy, it can all be part of the plan. Whatever the future holds, it should be weighed against what God has planned. Just ask Him.
What about you? Would you be able to follow your heart's desire? Have you asked God for guidance in your overall life? In your day-to day?
One life on this earth is all that we get, whether it is enough or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be that at the very least we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.
~Frederick Buechner
Permission- Saying Yes
Last week there was a comment on Friday's post. In essence the reader asked for advice on how to begin doing the things she would like to do, now that her kids are grown, etc.
Tough question. I answered as honestly as I could and how I would approach the issue, but I felt that my tone might have been too preachy. Not that I meant to be because I certainly don't have any answers. I am just traveling along this journey beside each one of you.
Over the weekend I have been thinking a lot about that question. How do we go about fulfilling long lost dreams or suppressed wants and try to live a life that we are called to live and that we want to live?
For many of us it is not that we cannot do the physical requirements for achieving what we want, i.e. running/walking to prepare for a 5 K, reducing the number of sweets in our diet, cleaning up a room, spending time reading or planning a trip, but it is that we have to overcome the voices in our head. When we dwell on activities or plans that would benefit us we think we are not worth it. We think, "I can't justify spending this time on me." and so we stop any self-improvement, achievement of goals, or even thinking about what we want to do.
I think it is especially hard for women. As much as we are independent and assertive, we seem to have a predilection for putting others' needs before ours. Not that that trait is a bad thing per se. It is very admirable and one that I do not want to lose.
However I think it causes us much consternation, anxiety and strife.
We have to learn how to balance our needs and the needs of those around us. It means being honest about ourselves and saying that we are not going to hide behind the excuse, "Oh, I can't do that now because I haven't earned that right or that I am not worth it or that I have to take care of ... (fill in the blank)." When I am honest with myself, I think I have hidden behind the excuse of caring for others instead of taking the risk and doing that which would make me happy, fulfilled and ultimately worthwhile and beneficial for others.
I think working our way out of the head battle is to start by giving ourselves permission: permission to explore what is our calling, our passion, our interests and our goals.
This month, I am going to try and explore this idea. I have a pretty good idea of my calling, passion and interests, yet I find myself always putting those things on the back burner. I am giving myself permission to find some time to either work on those perennial goals that have been hanging over my head for years or decide to lay them to rest once and for all and move on.
In order to do this, I am experimenting with posting only one blog per week ( although I might put some extras out there) so that I can explore the other items on my list. I am trying to see about balancing my responsibilities and my needs/wants- taking care of others while I am trying to take care of myself.
I don't think that the choice is an either/or equation. It cannot be mutually exclusive. I cannot completely stop doing some of my responsibilities nor can I only do them to the exclusion of what makes me tick. But I can try and cut back on certain things so that I can have a little more room in my schedule to explore this notion.
I am giving myself permission to say yes to things that would "benefit" me.
What about you? Do you feel the angst and anxiety of trying to satisfy much responsibility? Do you do so at the exclusion of caring and doing things for yourself? What would it look like if you had a good balance between the two? Can you let go of somethings and take on others?
For the month of August will you join me as we explore this idea of balance in one's life? Of finding a life that reflects our gifts, passions, talents and also reflects our care for others and our responsibilities.
Let us know how you are progressing in the comments section below.
The Age of Living
One of my favorite Cape Cod artists- Vivien Oswell, in her nineties and still painting strong.
Do you get morose at the start of the new year? Does the blankness of the new calendar feel depressing? I can't say that I get down but I do have a tendency for reflection upon the turning of a new diary page. I also have these type of reflections at funerals, at weddings, while baking cookies or cleaning the house. (Alas, I am constantly thinking.) Every so often I am in the middle of an activity or task and I think of the friends and relatives who were once my age and who also did that activity or task and realize that it was not so long ago. I am acutely aware of how short life is.
And how precious.
I heard an interview with the composer, choral conductor Alice Parker on Krista Tippett's On Being radio show. Ms. Parker is 90 years young and still working, creating and making music. In looking at her biography I felt something familiar. She is slightly older than my mom, yet the pictures of her with her short curly grey hair and the position and movement of her conducting arms reminded me of my mom. They were contemporaries in the choral conducting world although Ms. Parker was much more well known than my mom. Seeing her picture I felt a sadness of missing my mother because I can't talk to my mom any more. Did mom know her, ever sing with her? I feel that Ms. Parker might have been one of the instructors at choral music conventions my mom attended.
Listening to Ms. Parker had me reflect on my mom and what my mom and grandma were doing at my age, and what I am doing at that similar age. When I realize how quickly life passes, it can be daunting and makes one feel that there is not much time left for anything significant. If I am not careful I can allow myself to slide into the mire of despair and hopelessness.
Yet listening to Ms. Parker I am reminded that we shouldn't be concerned with the passage of time. No matter the age there is always work to be done and purpose to be found even in one's final days. We should just keep on for as long as we have breath.
I was also reminded of one of my favorite Cape Cod artists- Vivien Oswell. She is still painting and still creating even in her nineties. To meet her and talk with her, one would think she was at least twenty years younger.
Even though I may be acutely aware of the passage of time I need not be afraid. To live well is to live each day to the best of one's ability: to find purpose in what one is doing, whatever that might be and to continue doing it. Living well is to continue to create, to explore and to share with the world.
What about you? How do you view the passage of time? Do you ever think of it? Does it change how you live?
This year, let us embrace what each day brings, not knowing the future but not being afraid or morose about it either. This year I am game to keep working, creating, living.