Profiling Close to Home

Our house is located on a non-through street. While it is not a dead end, it is shaped more like a horseshoe. It makes our neighborhood semi-secluded for traffic. Generally the cars that navigate the street are ones belonging to the residents and their guests.  The homes are close together so that the children can play out on the street and front yards while the adults can talk over raking leaves, shoveling snow and monitoring children. 

Yesterday I witnessed racial profiling in our neighborhood.  It made me quite uncomfortable and it made me wonder what I can and cannot do about it.

I was outside on our front lawn raking leaves. As I am want to do, with any car passing I usually look up and wave.  Most times I recognize the car and driver but if I don't, I still wave because we have had some new neighbors move in and I am not completely sure of all their identities. 

A car I didn't recognize was driving quite slowly down our street.  It was obvious that they were looking for a specific house number.  After a turn-around in a driveway and two failed attempts to park on the curved street, the car stopped across the street from where I was.  I was about to approach the car and offer the driver a suggestion for easier parking when a police officer drove up.  He started to ask me a question then said never mind and proceeded to get out of his car and approached the parked one.  He rapped on the window and said, "Hey, what are you doing here?" As he spoke I cringed because the tone wasn't so nice. The woman was polite in explaining that she was here to do some cleaning and wondered why she was questioned "because I am black?"

The officer accompanied her to the house of her appointment and very shortly got back into his car. The woman then came back to her car to get her equipment.  I went over to talk to her and apologized for the general misunderstanding.  I explained that there had been a bunch of break-ins in our neighborhood recently and the community association was told by police to call them if someone we didn't recognize was in the neighborhood.  We had a nice chat.  She told me where she worked and how she knew our neighbor. I offered her a place to park in our driveway if she ever had trouble parking. 

I found the incident disturbing.  Partly because it was embarrassing that one of our neighbors felt threatened by a "stranger" in our midst and called the police . Just because she didn't look like one of us.  I wondered, will the neighbors now be calling the police on my sons' friends when they come over to our home to visit? 

 I felt disturbed because in the few minutes that the officer and woman were validating her reason to be in our neighborhood, I had the panicked feeling, "What if she thinks I called the police?  What if she really isn't here for legitimate reasons and decides to retaliate?"  I was disturbed that I had that thought at all. 

I also was embarrassed that the police officer's tone wasn't nicer.  It seemed to go in line with all that I hear on the radio about the clashes with police and people of color.   But then again, I haven't walked in his shoes, seen what he has seen nor am privy to what he knows. 

I understand why my neighbor called. I realized afterwards who probably did make the call.  These folks have had a number of break-ins at their home over the last couple of months.  They are overly cautious.

I can see why the racial problems are escalating. It doesn't take very long nor take much imagination to have a full scale misunderstanding.  Thank goodness the woman was very gracious.  

What can be done?  I do think conversation and getting to know one another is key. I generally don't like to get involved with neighborhood things but I somehow felt that I should reach out to that woman.  I am glad I did.

I also realize that sometimes things happen, misunderstandings occur and it is a risk to try to rectify.  If the woman did suspect that I called the police and I had not talked to her, both of us would've have continued building the wall of stereotype and division.  She would've thought I was another paranoid privileged white person and I would've thought that she was another defensive black person.

Sometimes trying to reach out and talk doesn't help at all.  The walls are quite thick. Neither party wants to hear what the other has to say.  Judgements and ideas are solidly formed. But over time, walls can be chipped away. Thoughts can be changed.  Stereotypes can be laid to rest. 

There is a great story of racial tension and transformation called The Best of Enemies:

"C. P. Ellis grew up in the poor white section of Durham, North Carolina, and as a young man joined the Ku Klux Klan. Ann Atwater, a single mother from the poor black part of town, quit her job as a household domestic to join the civil rights fight. During the 1960s, as the country struggled with the explosive issue of race, Atwater and Ellis met on opposite sides of the public school integration issue. Their encounters were charged with hatred and suspicion. In an amazing set of transformations, however, each of them came to see how the other had been exploited by the South's rigid power structure, and they forged a friendship that flourished against a backdrop of unrelenting bigotry.

Rich with details about the rhythms of daily life in the mid-twentieth-century South, The Best of Enemies offers a vivid portrait of a relationship that defied all odds. By placing this very personal story into broader context, Osha Gray Davidson demonstrates that race is intimately tied to issues of class, and that cooperation is possible--even in the most divisive situations--when people begin to listen to one another." (taken from the sales description at UNC press)

I still am stumped about the best way to handle situations like those I witnessed but I hope that by keeping the dialogue and conversations open, we might be able to have some type of break through in our racial divide. 

What about you?  Have you ever witnessed or been part of racial profiling?  What happened?  How did it make you feel?  

Have you ever experienced profiling close to home? 

After the Fall

This past Friday night we saw the Arthur Miller play, After the Fall.  It was being performed at an art school which was near to the college where our son attends.  While it wasn't a perfect performance (the sound engineer forgot a couple of cues, the actress portraying a German accent was difficult to understand as were some of the actors in their angry, yelling scenes), the actors were quite good, especially the lead since most of the 2 1/2 hour play is a monologue of streams of consciousness. 

The play has been attributed as a loosely autobiographical portrayal of Miller; his sense of guilt in his relationships, in his political involvements and in his early upbringing.   There was an extreme amount of angst in the 2 1/2 hours.  Frankly, an hour of it would be 60 minutes too much.

The play takes place as a middle-aged lawyer, Quentin, is trying to decide if he has the inclination to love again, this time a German woman he meets while he is touring the German concentration camps. Interspersed throughout these present scenes are his reminiscences of his youth, his parents, his first marriage, his second marriage, and his defense of clients for the McCarthy  trials. 

While the characters did not resonate with me, they did propose some interesting ideas.  One was through the German love interest, Holga.   

"I think it’s a mistake to ever look for hope outside of one’s self. One day the house smells of fresh bread, the next of smoke and blood. One day you faint because the gardener cuts his finger off, within a week you’re climbing over corpses of children bombed in a subway. What hope can there be if that is so? I tried to die near the end of the war. The same dream returned each night until I dared not to go to sleep and grew quite ill. I dreamed I had a child, and even in the dream I saw it was my life, and it was an idiot, and I ran away. But it always crept onto my lap again, clutched at my clothes. Until I thought, if I could kiss it, whatever in it was my own, perhaps I could sleep. And I bent to its broken face, and it was horrible…but I kissed it. I think one must finally take one’s life in one’s arms."  ~ Holga. 

Later in the play, Quentin decides that due to humankind's horror, both the global horror of WWII and the suspicious horror of McCarthyism and the fickle, selfishness of the individual that there really is no hope for mankind.  After the fall, both individually and collectively what is there?   The play ends with just as many questions as when it started.

What a shame and a loss that the character Quentin feels that there is not hope.  For I do believe in hope in this world and not hope like Holga suggests.  Hope is not within us. Yes, we do need to take one's life in one's arms, to be responsible for what we have done and accept our selves, warts and all.  

But I believe, our hope comes from God. How can I, a finite being with limitations provide hope and consistency? Just the question alone of the looking for hope in one's current surroundings is limited and inconsistent since circumstances can change in an instant.  Thank goodness they do. Thank goodness that, because of the fall, there is the realization that I am fallible.  I must look up and towards someone bigger than myself, my surroundings and my situations.

What about you?  Do you feel that there is no hope in your current situation?  Have you ever looked up or looked beyond yourself?  Like Holga, do you question the sudden change in life's circumstances- one day you smell bread baking, the next smoke?  Does that determine your ability to have hope?  Or do you have hope in spite of the changed circumstances? 

If one doesn't have that, I wonder what does one have? Certainly the play bears it out- nothing but questions and angst. 

After the fall, I choose hope. 

MayFly

Over the weekend I heard an interesting podcast about the Irish aviatrix Lilian Bland (1878-1971) Ms. Bland was an extremely bright, independent and energetic young woman.  By all accounts, whatever she put her mind to do, she was extremely accomplished: photo journalist, equestrian, marksman, car driver, aeronautical engineer and an aviator.  All this in the beginning of the 20th century.  While Amelia Earhart was just a pubescent, Ms. Bland was designing and experimenting with building her own airplane. 

Lilian Bland in her self-built plane- The Mayfly.  Image found: http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/cornwall/hi/people_and_places/history/newsid_8956000/8956919.stm

What I love about her story is her pluck and determination.  She carried on doing what she felt called to do regardless of the norms of the day.  She contributed much to aeronautics but I think, her major contribution to society was being an original. 

Even the play on words of her plane, "Mayfly" is an example of her humor, her humility and her hutzpah.  By all accounts, her letters and articles to Flight magazine were accepted and admired. It doesn't appear that she was patronized, nor does it seem that she was demanding and militant in her role as a woman.   She may have felt such a struggle in her work but in hearing her story I get the impression that if she did, she was more interested in achieving an outcome than by worrying about a difficult process.

I find her story very encouraging. If I feel called and compelled to do something, I should just carry on.  Not worry about what others think, nor get bogged down with a struggle during the process.  Just focus on the outcome I would like to achieve.

What about you?  Do you have any dreams or callings?  Are society norms or expectations of others holding you back? 

Try taking a page out of Ms. Bland's book of life-  whatever you want to achieve, "may" or "may not" get off the ground but you have to try.  

Learn Something New?

Did you learn something today?  

I always feel like I have had a successful day when I have learned or done something new.  It could be as simple as a new recipe, an historic fact, a revelation about a relationship or a mathematical equation. Whatever it might be, it feels good to stretch the "little grey cells" (as Hercules Poirot would say). 

Although I do find that if I do not intentionally plan on learning, doing or reading, then I settle into an existence routine.  It is a routine whereby my world doesn't expand.  It becomes very self-contained.  After all, I am very limited in what I know.  It is boring to only have to think of that.  So if I don't purposefully challenge myself to explore new ideas I find that I am stagnant- in my thinking, in my doing and even in my speaking.  

Ways I try to keep the "little grey cells" healthy:

1. Read classic literature
2. Learn a language
3. Learn a new piece of music
4. Read about a subject (art, history, sciences, anything in the dewey decimal library system)
5. Engage in The Great Courses (www.greatcourses.com);  www.coursera.org, or Great Decision class (www.fpa.org/great_decisions)

What about you?  Do you have an existence-routine kind of life?  How can you rise above that?  Do you want to?  What types of learning do you like?   Is it learning a new skill or physical activity?  Do you like classroom lecture?  Are you a visual, auditory, read-write or kinesthetic  learner? 

Have you learned something new today? 

Three Choices

Money. Time. Friends. If you could, would you want more money, time or friends in your life?

Recently I was part of a discussion with that question.  At first blush I would say of course, I could use all three;  more money to help those who need it, more time to do the things that I want and more friends to share in the activities.

But the more I thought about it I realized that I do have all the money, time and friends that I need.  I just haven't spent it well, used what I have been given efficiently or enjoyed the relationships more.  If I am honest I wouldn't do any better with more of it.  In fact I would just abuse any excess.

It made me think that I need to refocus and rethink how I am spending my money, my time and my friendships.  What is really necessary?  Where can I focus my time better?  Am I frittering away the money and hours with senseless items and activities?  Can I use that time and money better with my friends?  Do I take the time to be with my friends?  Do I cultivate relationships?  Do I  share in activities that build up trust and community? 

What about you?  Do you need to rethink how you spend your money, time and friends?  Do you have enough of all three or could you use more?  What would you give up in order to have more? 

What are your three choices? 

Discipline

How disciplined are you?  Is it a mindset?  Do you delay doing something (e.g. watching TV or reading a book) until something else is done (e.g. kitchen straightened or homework completed)? Are you regimented in your lifestyle?  For example, on Monday, Wednesday, Friday do you always work out in the morning? 

According to merriam-webster.com one of the definitions for discipline: "to train (yourself) to do something by controlling your behavior".

I read two articles recently that got me thinking about discipline.  The first was about the Dominican Republic boxer, Adonis Peguero and the other was about the longitudinal "marshmallow" study. 

Adonis Peguero is the son of Haitian migrants living in the Dominican Republic.  Life for his family and neighbors is quite hard. There is difficulty in finding jobs since the sugar cane plantations have closed.  Growing up, Peguero was quite of a hot-head, "I just couldn’t control myself or my anger. It made me very aggressive." A neighbor introduced him to boxing and to a whole different mindset. " "He told us that boxing wasn’t really a sport. It was an art," Peguero says. "He told us that in order to be a good boxer, you first had to be a person of good character. A person of quality, who can control his anger and his fear."  The big thing is that Peguero found discipline which led him to concentrate on his goal of being successful in boxing.  That discipline gave him more than physical success through boxing: discipline has given him direction and purpose.

The marshmallow study is the classic psychological study looking at preschoolers and if and how long they would wait until they ate a marshmallow.  The child is placed in a room with only a table, chair and a plate with one marshmallow in front of him/her.  The researcher tells the child that if he/she waits and doesn't eat the marshmallow, when she returns she will give the child a second marshmallow.  So by waiting they can double their culinary delight.  The researcher leaves the room and the child is videotaped as he/she sits.

The videos are priceless. Click here to see

In looking at some of the subjects many years later they noticed that those children who demonstrated delayed gratification- waited to eat the marshmallow- had less body mass, scored higher SAT scores, had a better ability to plan and to handle stress.  In general they were better with self-control and will power.  Of course there are many factors that influence whether a child would wait or not.  (If a child never had an adult follow through with what he/she said, then the child would probably eat the marshmallow and not wait.) And the study's point is not to show that it is predetermined by a marshmallow whether a person can delay gratification.  There are also studies that show that the children could wait after they had received strategies on how to distract themselves.  The children were told to imagine the marshmallow as a cloud or pillow, and to think of the reward (two marshmallows) they would receive by just waiting a small amount of time. 

There are times when I need to revisit my attitude towards discipline and self-control.  I think I am relatively a disciplined person but at times I am not.  When I find myself doing the same thing over and over, not accomplishing anything and then feeling self-loath because I am not progressing towards a goal, I need to step back and reevaluate my discipline practices:  What am I trying to achieve?   What is the bigger picture?  Do I need to focus on a smaller goal in order to get back on track?  Where have I had success with discipline in the past?  What were the strategies that I used?  Can I apply any of those in my current situation? 

Are there things that cause you to be stuck?  Does lack of self-control derail you in your day to day life?  Would a better focus help you with any outcome?   

What about you?  Are you disciplined? 

Take a Walk

I was reminded the other day that when one is feeling stressed, out of control or general malaise it is best to take a walk.  Walking seems to be up there in the top 10 tips for handling stress.

Has it always been this way for humans?   Certainly when our ancestors walked it was to either find dinner or escape from being dinner.  Sounds stressful to me.  

Joking aside, we were designed with walking in mind for both the physiologically and psychologically benefits. 

I read an interesting research article on the benefits of walking in an urban setting green space (e.g. a park). Turns out that a brief walk in an urban park can induce parasympathetic nerve activity, suppress sympathetic nerve activity, decrease the heart rate, enhance the mood state, and reduce anxiety.

Certain veterans had discovered the psychological benefits of walking in green space long before this study.  In the late 1940's WWII veteran, Earl Shaffer decided to "shake the Army out of his system" by walking the Appalachian Trail in one season, all 2,190 miles from Georgia to Maine.   By all accounts he is the first person to do a thru-hike, completing the walk in continuous journey. These veterans have discovered the healing properties of the long journey. 

Walking for a therapeutic or religious purpose is nothing new: Mecca- Saudi Arabia, Lourdes-France, the Camino de Santiago-Spain, Mount Kailash - Tibet, The Ganges River - India, Madron Well - Cornwall, England, Vaishno Devi Temple - India, Our Lady of Guadalupe Basilica - Mexico City, Mexico, Naag Mandir - Fiji.   I am sure the majority have found benefits in the process of walking much less any religious significance. 

Walking slows the rhythm of one's day.  It seems that the farthest a person could walk in a day is about 70 miles. According to reference.com at a speed of 3mph, a fit person could cover 72 miles in a 24 hour period.  Of course, one has to factor in terrain, weather, stoppage, sleeping, eating, etc.   Try as we might, a person would be hard pressed to cover more territory.  That limitation alone helps slow us down. 

Walking allows one's mind to ebb and flow with mindless thoughts and directed focus.   Have you ever noticed that sometimes you might be walking along and wonder what you passed?  You might be ruminating over a problem or idea and were so engaged that you mindlessly put one foot in front of the other but that was all you noticed.  Then at other times, you might notice the flight of an overhead hawk, or the flame colored leaves against the backdrop of a brilliant blue sky.  I have found that I toggle between the two mindsets even on the same walk.

Walking helps with perspective.  Because the process can only go so fast, walking does help put things into perspective.  Items that were urgent don't seem so after a nice walk.  The natural world has a way of putting us in our place.  Compared with the majesty of trees, the vastness of the sky and even the seemingly insignificant yet completely cared for sparrow, who are we to feel that we need to be in charge? 

Walking especially in a green space provides everyday beauty.  As the research article noted, the green space has a way of mellowing us out. Seeing beauty sublimely reminds us to focus on those things that are significant: truth, beauty, goodness.  

What about you?  Do you walk?  How often?  Have you ever taken a walk just to cool off or as a stress reliever?  Have you ever made a pilgrimage or a long walking journey?  What lessons did you learn? 

How are you feeling today?  Do you need to take a walk?

Top 3? Bottom 3?

Top 3?  Bottom 3?  A question I heard from the actor Jamie Lee Curtis.   The rationale is that everyone has three best things- whether they are physical features, personality traits, resources, etc. and everyone has three worst things- things about which they are not too happy.  The idea is to name them, embrace them and then move on. 

Interesting concept.  I think in Ms. Curtis' case as she described it on a talk show, this appears to be more about physical features than not.  I like to think that there is so much more to a person than that.  In addition, I don't think we should just settle in naming the bottom three.

Of course, certain things cannot be changed and we just have to learn to live with it or without it. However, there are things that if we name as a bottom, we can work on improving. 

I like to think that the naming of either top or bottom is the beginning of a life of improvement.

The top items are to remind us that we are not so bad. We all have some gift or positive item.  We all are blessed in some way. Some days we might not feel that blessing, but if we look with open eyes we will find it.  In noting our blessings, it should give us confidence and the assurance that our life has purpose and meaning. There is a reason for our blessing.  Many times it is to share with others our good fortune. In the area of good physical features it should manifest itself as a confidence and self-assurance so that we can can "disappear", not think about ourselves and whether we look good enough, and concentrate on the people around us. 

The bottom items are to remind us to remain humble.  Everyone has something of which he/she is not particularly proud.  And that is okay. We all have positive and negative traits. If we keep it in perspective and not dwell on it, that item, personality trait or physical feature is what keeps us balanced.  It also keeps us compassionate when we see others in the same boat. We then have the opportunity to provide hope for a change or acceptance of things as they are.  

I am still thinking of my Top 3 and Bottom 3. What I do find is that once I get going I can fill up a page of the Bottom 3.  I think sticking to just three items is better than letting it all get on the page.  Who needs that kind of self-flagellation?  Three items seem to be a better balance.   I also find  that when I am having "one of those days", the top three help me shake off the bottom blues (or the mean reds per Holly Golightly).

What about you?  Have you ever thought of your Top 3, Bottom 3?  Are there things on that list you would want to change?  Can you change them?  Do you need to learn acceptance?  Do you need to balance the top and bottom?  Is there someone in your life you can help with his/her Top 3, Bottom 3?  Someone who might need a little encouragement or acceptance? 

Malfatti

What do you think the word means?

1. mistake 2. small dumpling 3. Starbucks drink 4. computer glitch  

For those of you who may have heard the radio news story this weekend, malfatti means "mistake" but it is also a small Italian dumpling.   The Depot restaurant was the originator of malfatti back in 1920.  Italian immigrants had fled the earthquake ravaged San Francisco in 1906 and had settled in the Napa Valley region of California.  One of transplanters opened a local restaurant serving homemade Italian cuisine.  As the story goes, this local restaurant ran out of ravioli when serving a large group.  The only thing remaining was extra filling- spinach and ravioli- which the resourceful cook made into little dumplings to serve with her meat sauce.  It was a hit from the beginning. The cook called them, malfatti which means mistake or poorly made. 

I love these types of stories.  

Stories like these  remind me that mistakes happen.  No one knows why the Depot ran out of food- someone didn't know that a visiting sports team was coming to dinner; reservations weren't made or were but got misplaced; food ordering didn't happen?  Sometimes things do not go according to plan.  Whether it is someone's fault or not, these things happen.  We cannot control everything in our life. 

Stories like these remind me that sometimes the correction of the mistake creates an idea, item or recipe that is even better than the original.   In googling "malfatti" there are a plethora of websites that have the recipe.  The little mistake has become a standard in cooking. This is not the first time something wonderful was created out of a potential "disaster": penicillin, post-it notes, chocolate chip cookies, potato chips, x-ray machine, implantable pacemaker, microwave oven, ink-jet printer. 

Stories like these remind me that whenever there is a change- to a schedule, to resources or to plans- we need to go with it.  We cannot just complain and gripe about the loss or the actual mistake.  We need to look for resourceful ways to keep going and improve the situation.  If anything try to reuse, reassess or redeem the situation. 

What about you?  Have you ever had a mistake that turned into something great?  What did that teach you? 

Are you currently going through a situation that doesn't appear to have a good ending?   How can you turn it from something that is called a mistake or poorly made into something that is inventive and new? 

What is the "malfatti" in your life? 

Click here for the malfatti recipe.

Wanted: Encouragers. FT & PT. Inquire Within.

Are you a Starbucks fan? I am not particularly.  I find the coffee quite strong, even for me. However, I do like their employment practices.

The other day I heard an interview with the CEO , Howard Schultz.  Howard was explaining about the history of the company, its vision, ideals, challenges, troubles and successes. He shared that he owes his success to his wife of thirty-four years, Sherry.

At the time that Howard was planning to buy Starbucks (at that point it was a three coffee house operation with an additional three Pete's coffee places), he was trying to raise capital.  He envisioned a company that was more than just coffee shops. They would be a place for community.  He also envisioned a company that in treating its employees well would be the foundation for success. Employees who catch the vision, feel that they are part of a bigger ideal, work together, have respect for one another, have a connection to the success of the operation by providing great customer service, which brings in customers, which leads to profits. 

During this time his wife was eight months pregnant with their first child and still working full-time.  His in-laws came for a visit.  As one might expect, his father-in-law suggested, "Let's go for a walk, son." On the walk, his father-in-law got right to the point. "I applaud what you are trying to do.  But let's look at the facts:  Your wife is eight months pregnant.  She is working full-time.  You do not have a salary or income.  It is time to get rid of your hobby and get a job."  As Howard recounts he was embarrassed, mortified and realized that his father-in-law was right. Howard was torn because he didn't want to give up the dream yet he knew that things were tough.

That evening, Sherry asked Howard, "So, you went for a walk with my dad?"  Howard relayed the talk.  Immediately, Sherry said, " No way are we giving it up."  Howard said that if Sherry had agreed with her dad, Howard would've stopped then and not pursued the dream.  But those words of encouragement carried him through.  Currently there are over 22,000 Starbucks across the globe.

All from some encouraging words. 

Sometimes the words are big statements, like Sherry's.  Those encouraging words were filled with sacrifice and hard times.  Not only does the one who has the dream struggle, so does the one who encourages. It may take a long time before the dream comes to fruition.  During which time it is easy to become discouraged. 

Other times the words can seem small but still carry a big impact. "You can complete a 5K." "You handled that difficult client well." "You would make such a good mentor."  "Have you ever thought about taking art lessons?"   The words might even be said in an off-handed way.  But they might just be what the listener needs.

What about you?  Do you need some words of encouragement today?  Can you offer some to those around you?  Have you ever received encouragement?  How did that make you feel?  Was it life-changing? 

Who can you encourage today? 

Some Time Next Year

The crepe myrtle we purchased.  These lower limbs need to be pruned next spring.

The other day we purchased a crepe myrtle tree to replace a dying/almost dead dogwood. I don't know too much about crepe myrtle just that I like the looks of the tree especially with its colorful blossoms, smooth bark and fringe canopy of branches.  What I didn't know was that the tree in its natural state has many lower branches causing it to look more like a bush. It is only in pruning and training those branches will the tree look like the smooth trunk crepe myrtles I see around town. 

When we spoke with the nursery owner about the tree's care, he suggested waiting until next spring to do any of the pruning of the lower branches. Once we do that, then the lower portion of the tree's trunk will remain smooth. Also he suggested that we wait another year before we "topped" the tree (cutting back the top branches so that it remains at a certain height). 

It got me thinking...  

How many times do I want to get things done and in the process rush and not do them well? Or in my impatience I don't take the time to learn and understand the significance of what I am doing?

The crepe myrtle shape we want- smooth lower trunk with fringe canopy. 

Sometimes I have to wait until what I want to accomplish can be done.  Sometimes I have to let things be, before they can be improved.  Sometimes I need to uncover more information before I make any decisions. Changing things too early or too often can be detrimental.  In the case of the crepe myrtle, if I remove the lower branches now, I can stress the tree as it prepares for winter.  If I hadn't asked the nursery owner about the tree's care, I could have done irreparable damage. 

What about you?  Have you ever had to wait a while before you could accomplish something?  Did you ever have to research and learn something before your could even begin? How did that go?  What was your strategy in waiting? 

More Than A Show

I read an interesting story the other day:  A story about a person who had a dream and a passion.  A story about a person who pressed on even though the establishment thought otherwise. A story that right does prevail. 

It is the story of Dr. Martin Couney and his invention of incubators, the heated boxes that keep premature infants alive. Dr. Couney started his idea in 1896.  Unfortunately the medical establishment rejected his claims yet undaunted Dr. Couney continued on, funding his work by charging people money (10 cents to eventually 25 cents)  to see the tiny babies at various world and national exhibitions e.g. Pan-American Exhibition in Buffalo NY 1901, New York World's Fair in 1939.  One permanent exhibition was at Coney Island as a sideshow attraction.  It was there that the parents could come, free of charge and see their babies.  

In the article there was an interview with a ninety-six year old who was placed in the incubator on Coney Island in 1920.  She lived there for six months.  She said that years later she went to see the babies as a visitor.  Dr. Couney was there so she took the opportunity to introduce herself.  Dr. Couney then introduced her to a gentleman who was looking at his baby.  Dr. Couney encouraged the father that here was one of the incubator babies and she survived.  "And that's how your baby will grow up."  

What I love about the story is Dr. Couney's perseverance.  I can only imagine the medical establishment's ridicule at this "medical" showman.  It was only after time that he has been heralded as a founding father in neonatology.  It is estimated that he saved about 7,500 babies over the course of his career. 

Years later he received a note from renowned pediatrician  Dr. Julius Hess, "Now that I cannot be with you in person may I be allowed to thank my "great teacher" in this wholly unsatisfactory way for your great contribution to me and the medical profession. Yours has not only been one of scientific leadership but equally important to progress a most ethical one in every respect, and you can look back on a life well spent.

What I like too is the thought that something that was considered a "freak" became acceptable. No more do we think of the wee babe in the NICU as freakish or do we parade any individual with a deformity or disability. There is a hope for those who are not just like others- that each person has value.  

What about you?  Is there something that you are called to do but it is not part of the "establishment" meaning norms or cultural acceptance?  Do you feel that it is the right thing to do?  How do you press on?  How are you in treating people who are "different" than you?  Do you find the commonality? 

Click here to read Dr. Couney's obituary from The New York Times.

Sent By God

Last month I wrote about Lisa Fenn, Dartanyon Crockett and Leroy Sutton- the remarkable individuals from the ESPN Carry On story.   On another radio program I heard a more extensive interview with Lisa.  She gave more details regarding her involvement with these young men.

When Lisa arrived at the Cleveland High School to film the boys she first met the wrestling coach.  He shook her hand and pulled her in a little close so he could speak privately to her.  "You've been sent by God", he said.   He had been praying for these boys every day that God would send something/someone to help them.  

Little did Lisa know that when she saw the newspaper photo of the boys that the pull she felt was a God pull.  

How cool is that?  That she was willing to go with her instinct, gut, calling- whatever you might name it- and follow where it led. 

Later, during the filming of the boys at a match, one of them had all their possessions stollen- wallet, phone, books, money, etc.  He was devastated and mad.  How could someone do that to him, when that was all he had?  At that point, Lisa said she made the choice to get involved.  As a journalist, she knew that her role was to just report and observe. One is not to influence the trajectory of a story but she didn't know how she couldn't.   What bravery on her part to get involved, not knowing how it might turn out, not knowing if she completely compromised her journalistic integrity.  But it was the right thing to do.

Got me thinking.  Do I listen to the still small voice of God?  Do I get involved?  Am I willing to be sent by God?

What about you?  Have you ever had an experience where you were placed right where you needed to be in order to help someone else?  Did you weigh the costs before hand or was the pull greater than any risk? 

House of Memories

A while back there was a report on the radio about an unique museum in Denmark that doesn't really explain history as much as encourages the visitor to experience history. 

This museum is not open to the general public but to groups of elderly suffering with dementia and Alzheimers.  The museum is an exact reproduction of an apartment in the 1950's, during the time when those who visit would've been in their teens and twenties.  

It has been discovered that associative memories- smells, sights, sounds, touch that we associate with certain experiences- help retrieve the "reminiscence bump."- that teens and twenties time of early memories.   For those who are suffering from Alzheimers/dementia they need to by-pass strategic retrieval of the memories.  Instead they need to jump the executive process and go directly to that "bump". Sensual associations are the key to unlocking those memories. 

One of the reasons this retrieval is important, is that it allows those who are suffering from memory loss, feel as if they are still useful.  They can explain for what some of the past items were used and what they did.

"When people are old and with dementia, we are taking too much care of them," says Henning Lindberg, who came up with the idea for the House of Memories. "[We say] 'Sit down. Do you want coffee? Can I get a blanket?' No! If you want coffee, make it yourself! Of course, it will take double the time to make those things, but it doesn't matter because they will be useful again. It's what they tell us again and again and again — 'I'm so happy I could be used.' "

Who doesn't want to feel useful?  I know most people will express that if they cannot do "such and such" they might as well be gone.  The "such and such"  is usually an activity that makes the feel alive, human and useful.  

What is it about humans and our feeling of usefulness?  Is that what separates from all other living beings?  How about you?  Do you have loved ones that need to feel useful?  How would you go about including them into your day to day?  What things can they contribute to your household?  What are you learning from them? 

Are you building a house of memories?  

Net Worth

Have you ever noticed that during a google search of someone "famous" or "infamous" there is generally a posting about their net worth?   There is some conjecture of how much money they made and how much money they are "worth".

Net worth is an accounting term meaning total amount of all assets minus all liabilities. It is financial in nature with the explanation of someone's dollars and cents.

In looking at the words, it almost connotes that net worth is all there is.  That is the sum of one's worth. But isn't that term short-sighted? What about someone's worth as a person?  To society? To friends and family?  What about the intangible worth of a person?

I've been thinking about worth lately. More than the money kind.  Do I have worth? What is my purpose?  Have I made any difference?   What defines worth?

 I think some of it has stemmed from a dinner gathering we attended not too long ago.  The dinner brought together a bunch of us who were friends when we were in our 20's and 30's but haven't seen each other or connected in any significant way in the last fifteen years.  In some ways, the gathering was having a Christmas letter reunion over a delicious repast. 

When we were younger our group met regularly and shared our views on life.  We listened to each other's employment tales, hopes, dreams and romances.  When we gathered for this reunion, we listened to each other's career paths, retirement plans and long-term relationships.  In some ways each person became a laundry list of things and of acquisitions; each person's things became their worth. 

It made me kind of sad. What happened to relationship building?  To improving the world?  To the intangibles like compassion, encouragement, blessing?  To sharing God's love with our fellow man? 

Isn't there more to life than what one eats and drinks and what one has acquired?  Does it really matter where one is on the pecking order of life? 

The word "worth" has a couple of meanings: the value equivalent to that of someone or something under consideration; the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued or rated; or high value or merit.

I am trying to remember that as a child of God each one of us has high value and merit.  We are formed in His image.  As the old saying goes, "God don't make no junk."  There is so much more to a person than his/her net worth.  I think of all the quiet and small ways millions of people care for one another: sharing encouragement, physical items, time, resources.  All the seemingly insignificant ways that the world is changed little by little; through thoughtfulness, respect, self-sacrifice, honoring one another, listening, treating others how you would want to be treated.

I am reminded of the scene in the movie, "While You Were Sleeping."  One of the male characters Peter laments that he hasn't done anything truly heroic his entire life.

 Lucy, played by Sandra Bullock says, "You give up your seat every day in the train."

Peter replies, "Well... But that's not heroic."  

To which Lucy replies, "It is to the person who sits in it."

The one who gives up the seat is a person of worth.

What about you?  Have you ever thought about your worth? If your liabilities outweigh your assets (physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually) how can you turn that around?  Are there things you need to give up in order to invest in a life of worth?  What would that look like for you? 

Closets, closets, closets

Last time I wrote about my plan to declutter our home.  It is definitely a work in progress.  But like all home projects, one thing leads to another.

It started with my switching my summer and winter clothes.  I was going through my clothing closet as I usually do, culling out the items that were too big, too worn, or that I really wouldn't wear again.  I am trying to be ruthless in my purging. 

Things were going well and then I realized that it had been over twenty years since I had everything out of the closet and had it painted.  So, on Sunday night I painted the interior of my closet. (My husband gave me a questioning look as to starting mixing the paint after dinner.  The look dissolved after I explained it was either I do it now or at 5 o'clock the next morning when I generally do home projects.  Seeing that the opening of the closet is close to the head of the bed, he wisely choose to remain silent with any other suggestions.) 

That led me to thinking perhaps I should reconfigure the space better.   In viewing the space, and short of having a contractor come in and knock down a few walls in order to widen it, I started looking at another upstairs closet.  That led to a thought, "Should I redo that closet to be my main closet and switch the items around?" That will probably lead to another project and so on and so on...

What is so difficult is that neither closet is a "normal" or average closet space. I have looked at the myriad of closets on Pinterest (and there are thousands more that I can peruse). I can not find any other closets that would match the size and scope of what I want to do.   So, it is hard to imagine how best to maximize the space without feeling overly cluttered.  Of course, after looking at all these pictures, I am wondering if people actually live in any of these pictures.  Are they seriously suggesting that people stack and keep stacked their color coordinated t-shirts on wire shelves with only slim wire dividers to hold things in place? 

I am still researching ideas as I am continuing to cull out the closets.  I really want to live into the quality not quantity ideal.  In putting the actual decision off for a bit while I am still sorting, I am hoping to eventually have an actual plan for the two closets and not just my wing and a prayer type of DIY.   I'll let you know how it goes.

What about you?  Have you ever redone a closet?  Did you use a closet system?  Is it still working?  What would you suggest as a plan for our main closet?  I would welcome your comments below. We don't plan on reconfiguring any walls or doing any major renovation, just want to reconfigure the interior to house hanging clothing (shirts, skirts, pants, dresses, blazers), shoes and handbags.  It is narrow- 30 inches across but deep- 88 inches deep. About 55 inches into the closet the 88 inch tall ceiling slopes down so that the back of the closet is only about 48 inches tall.  There had been two shelves in the back of the closet (you can see the wood side bars that held them up.  Also the two rods are the same height.  One of the issues I have is that currently I use both rods.  In order to access anything behind the first set of clothing rods, I have to duck down and waddle into the closet. I feel like I am going "to ground" like our terriers when they enter the wood pile after spotting their prey.  

Closet Project Number 1...

Space

Space.  According to Star Trek it is the final frontier.  Space in all its connotations is a frontier that I think we never will completely conquer. 

When I think of space the context is

1. physical.  When I am feeling overly cluttered with stuff invading our space in our home, basement, closets, dressers, etc. I feel out of sorts.  My physical space is closing in on me and I begin to feel claustrophobic. 

2. mental. When my physical space is out of sorts and disarrayed, I have trouble concentrating on any mental task at hand, e.g. writing.  I need to have my space sorted.   It doesn't have to be sterile but just a feeling that the items won't crowd out my clear thinking.  

3. emotional.  When #1 and #2 are crowded with too many  physical and mental items, then I get emotionally overwhelmed with feeling like I have too little space, that I have too many demands on my time and attention and that I feel that my emotional space is overly cluttered.  My balance is all out of sorts.  

In the hopes of keeping some free space in all aspects of my life, I have challenged myself to get rid of 25% of my stuff.  This is not an easy proposition.  I am starting on the physical track- systematically going through each room in the house and trying to eliminate 1/4 of the items in each.  I am hoping that once I let go of the physical, I will be able to see clearly what mental and emotional stuff I need to eliminate. 

So, I am doing a deep sort of my closet and drawers.  I have my piles: consignment, Goodwill, trash.  It is such a cathartic experience.  Because I want this to be an ongoing process, I have reminder notes in my drawers and closet that each time I wear something to evaluate it:  What is the condition- any holes, pilling, worn areas? Do I like it?  Does it fit me?  Would it look better with some minor alterations? Can I wear it with three other items in my closet? 

I'll let you know how I progress.  For now it is like I have embarked on a new adventure.  

What about you?  How is the space in your life?  Feeling cluttered, overwhelmed and claustrophobic?  Or do have a good handle on the stuff in your possession?  Do you have any processes that keep you clutter- free?  For physical, mental and emotional items? 

People Walkers

“Need motivation to walk? Scared to walk alone at night? Don’t like walking alone at all? Don’t want people to see you walking alone and just assume you have no friends? Don’t like listening to music or podcasts but can’t walk alone in silence, forced to face thoughts of the unknown future, or your own insignificance in the ever expanding universe?”

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might be interested in hiring a people walker.

My husband shared with me an interesting article in The Guardian.  Just as you can hire a dog walker to take your pooch out for exercise and some companionship during the day, you can hire people walkers to do the same.  A gentleman from LA started this business, more as a joke, but soon realized how much people are craving for connectivity.  For all our highfalutin techno society we still long for simplicity and for human interaction.

I used to walk regularly with a friend.  Due to life schedules we do not walk together any more.  I really miss it.  Certainly the exercise was great but it is the connection, the discussions and the interaction that I miss the most.  We shared joys, sorrows, funny stories, life tips and encouragements with one another. There is something about walking and talking.  Talking by itself is good but adding the walking element and you feel that you accomplishing something good for both body and mind.

What about you?  Do you walk or exercise regularly?  Do you have a companion or a walking partner?  If not, would you like to try? You don't necessarily have to hire a people walker.   Ask a neighbor to join you as you walk around the block.  Or find a walking/running group in your community via Facebook, or neighborhood website?  Check out the community bulletin boards at your local coffee shop, grocery store, or advertise yourself. 

But, if you are looking for a new career- check out this guy's story: Click here to see the article.

Channel your Monty-Python?

Stuck in the Goo

Do you ever wonder what happens to the caterpillar in the chrysalis?  How does it become a butterfly?  What happens when it metamorphoses?  I heard an interesting audio from the show RadioLab.  It discussed just that as well as the philosophical implications and the common metaphor of caterpillar/butterfly to old/new life. 

What I find interesting is that at first look, there appears to be nothing from the first form to the second. How can a plodding, crawling, insect be the same as a graceful, flying winged creature?  

When they open the chrysalis what they find is goo.  Nothing formed, nothing recognizable. Yet when they have dissected caterpillars, they can see structures that will form wings.  Amazing.  

There is something new in the old, some hope and expectation yet it is not visible at first. Perhaps there is hope for humankind and for each one of us. 

While we may not be our "perfect" selves and we are always a work in progress; nonetheless, we do have potential to be the butterfly that we were created to be. In some ways we are both caterpillar and butterfly.

Though in my experience, being caterpillar and butterfly is not a linear caterpillar-chrysalis-butterfly process.  It is not as if once I go through the change, that is it- I stay as a perfect butterfly. Sometimes I am the caterpillar, munching away in my own selfishness.  Other times I have been changed into a butterfly and have the experience of growth, new habits and a feeling of new life. Yet my experience is short-lived and fleeting.  Life has a way of circling back.  

Just as soon as I may feel that I have finally "gotten it", experienced a situation without jealousy, anger, impatience, etc.- you name the poor behavior that I have avoided, then I resort back to my old self. I may be floating like a butterfly but before I know it, I am stuck on the ground, mired down with my selfish ways.  It seems as if I will keep going through the process until one day I am finally, totally transformed into the creature that was contained, albeit snippets, even while a caterpillar. 

What I am learning about the caterpillar/butterfly metaphor is that chrysalis means preparatory or transitional state. In the life of the insect, the chrysalis stage is about the same amount of time it is a caterpillar. Which means it is a necessary stage and which means that I have to go through it and cannot shorten it if I want to come out a butterfly.

In my "life cycle" I come to places where I "think" I know what type of butterfly I should be.  I am quite ready to vocalize my thoughts and plans to God.  I "know" what is the best for me and just want Him to get on with any metamorphoses He has planned for me.  I am "thinking" that I will be a Monarch butterfly. And so, I just want to get to that stage.  I truthfully don't want to go through goo. I don't want to be in the place where I am unrecognizable and all preconceived ideas are eliminated.  I don't want to live in this vulnerable stage.  I want to snap my fingers and get to the place, the attitude, the changed behavior without any inconvenience or messiness. 

There comes a time when I am choosing to accept the transitional stage, when I am choosing to accept being "goo" and when I am preparing my heart and mind to be the person God has originally designed me to be.  It requires me to be open to new possibilities, to change some old habits and ways, to listen to His voice and to be willing to be vulnerable in the transitional stage.  It requires me to enter this transitional stage trusting that the butterfly I am becoming is exactly the right butterfly that He wants.  No use trying to be a Monarch butterfly if I am a moth. 

What about you?  Ever thought about the caterpillar/butterfly mystery?  Which stage are you in?  Are you willing to go through the goo? How open are you to change?  

Click here for the audio to RadioLab

Slow Food Fixed Quickly

In my last post I mentioned fast food and the need for slowing down in our food ingestion. The thing that I find difficult is not so much the time to slow down the eating but the time to fix the meal in the first place.  

I love trying new recipes but generally I don't have the time to do so on a week night. After a full day of work it is tough to enter a lifeless kitchen and stare at an empty kitchen counter and an inactive stove.  If I have a plan for the meal it is a little bit better.  This summer I have gotten away from meal planning. I notice it must be a universal habit to forego any structure in the summer,  since many of the magazines run fall articles about meal planning. I guess when it is summer time, the living (and lack of planning) is easy.

So, in order to start the process of slowing down with our food so that we eat healthy, here are some suggestions that I have found for planning meals:

1. Google "meal planning ideas".  There is a plethora of resources.  100 Days of Meals, Everyday Meal Planning, (While I have found Real Simple's menus good with providing main dishes they are lacking in the veggie/fruit/side dish area- I always need to supplement)

2. Many grocery stores are selling pre-chopped, pre-measured, ready to cook food.  They also provide recipes either on line or through a store produced magazine. In our region, Wegmans is such a store. I use their recipes as starting points. Wegmans info.  Many times I feel that I can chop (and thus save some money) and prep myself. Buying the ready made food can be expensive but you will have to weigh time versus money.  Many organizers suggest prepping your ingredients ahead of time. Some suggestions.

3. A neighbor recently told me about Blue Apron.  It is a subscription-based food prep company which will send you all the ingredients, recipes and technique to fix delicious, farm to table, home made food.  You can order different meal plans each week.  It isn't cheap but it isn't as expensive as I thought it would be. Certainly it is less expensive than "picking up a bite to eat" plus you have the added benefit of farm fresh ingredients.   If, you have some time to fix your meal (the recipes aren't complicated or long) and want some variety using in-season, local food, this seems like a great option. (plus you don't have to do the planning or purchasing) 

4. Eating healthy doesn't have to cost more than eating unhealthy foods. Google "budget friendly healthy meals" for some ideas. Budget-friendly  I know some people who spend a couple of hours each weekend to prep/freeze meals for the coming week. Or whenever they make a meal if it is freezable, they will double the recipe and freeze one.  

I guess as with anything it comes down to planning.  Taking a little time each week to determine the upcoming meals is probably worth it in the long run.  

What about you?  Do you have a method of meal planning? What are your considerations? Finances?  Time?  Both? Do you have a go-to site for quick, easy meal planning?