Go Ahead. Name It.

Wednesday I talked about the concept of appreciative inquiry; recognizing one's strengths, building on those strengths and going forward in life.  And as much time as I have ruminated on this idea I need to actually do it- I need to go ahead and name it. 

Today, I am going to take time to put pen to paper (or type to the computer screen) and list out my strengths.  If you have trouble naming characteristics you might want to check out various websites and complete the different psychological tests.  Or, just read some of the descriptions to give you some context and descriptions.

• Type of Learner
• Spiritual Gifts Test
• MyersBriggs Personalities
• Strengths Finder

Be completely honest with yourself.  This is not the time for false pride nor for a "aw shucks" false humility. Think about the complements that you have received over the years.  Sometimes we don't see our strengths but others do.  If it is hard to get started, think of yourself in smaller terms:

• Mind-  What type of learning do you like?  Are you a numbers person or do you need to see things through pictures? 
• Body-  What area of your physical features do you like?  Your hair, your eyes, etc.?
• Soul- What areas bring you joy? What activities make you lose your sense of time because you are so enthralled? 
• Work- In what kind of environment do you thrive?  Working in groups, individually, structured, free-form?  Working indoors, outdoors, on the road? 
• Relational- Do you get energy from being with people or being by yourself?  Do you love to entertain?  Are you better communicating verbally or on "paper"? 

Knowing my nature, I will probably resort back to some type of self-improvement even with those items identified as strengths as I am always leaving room for improvement.  Yet, I do want to concentrate on the strengths first.  For instance, I have discovered what my strengths are in my writing and I am only going to concentrate on that for now.  I'll be interested to see how far I journey with that.

What about you?  Do you know your strengths? If not, will you go ahead and name it? 

Future Strength

Have you ever been in one place, say a meeting with a specific purpose, and something will be said that causes you to have a "Eureka!" moment?  It is some statement or idea that transcends the immediate reason for the gathering and can be applied to other aspects of your life. 

Such was the case for me recently.  I was at a church meeting and the activity at hand was to look at the church's strengths and how that would determine its future.  We were doing a process called "appreciative inquiry".  As they briefly explained the theory and rationale behind the process I was struck with how much the process would help not just a group but an individual. 

The idea is that the group reflects and discovers the strengths of the organization and then through a series of questions, begin to dream and design a future based on those strengths.  A group is cautioned that a fixation on organizational weaknesses doesn't move the organization into the future.  While that may be beneficial at some point, the purpose of dreaming and vision casting should be based on its strengths.

I wonder if our societal tendency to navel gaze and self-help would be better served if we concentrate on our individual strengths rather than improvement of our weaknesses?  It makes me think of the French women philosophy of accepting their physical flaws and concentrating on showcasing their positive physical features. 

I am thinking of all the times that I have made my "self-improvement" lists.  Mostly they are comprised of physical defects (plan to tone up the upper arms), unwanted behavior (eat more slowly) or character flaws (be more assertive with certain family members) that I want to correct.  I think most people have some type of thoughts of self-improvement whether or not you actually list them. If you think you don't have these lists, think to Bridget Jones' diary.  One of the reasons readers loved Bridget was that they could relate to her continual attempt at self-improvement. "Reduce amount of cigarettes. Must reduce consumption of alcohol.  Don't shag strangers or wait until sober, no matter how ding-dong gorgeous the gentleman may be".

In some ways I think I have wasted way too much energy and time on trying to improve the negative instead of using my time and effort on expanding and improving the strengths.  Just think how much farther down life's journey I would be and how much further I would be towards reaching my goals if I didn't worry about and try to correct past items and encounters.  Where would I be if I didn't get stuck trying to "fix" something that may never be completely fixed?  

It is similar to how I view our house. I think I can be so critical of our house, that I am spending so much time on painting and repairing it to the point that I forget to sit and enjoy the beautiful garden spaces that we have.  I can do the same thing with myself and then I wonder why I am stuck and why can't I move forward? 

My plan for this year is to focus on the strengths. Embrace it. Don't fight it.  And let the weaknesses fall by the wayside. 

What would that look like for you?  Do you focus on your strengths or weaknesses? 

Give Yourself The Finger

Last week I attended a lecture given by an educational designer for a program in the city. This program uses Outward Bound and its curriculum to bridge gaps between the youth in the city and the city's police officers.  The underlying goal of the day-long program is helping each person understand that others might have a different perspective from oneself.

To emphasis this point, the speaker had us do this exercise:

• Take you right hand, make a fist and extend your pointer finger
• Holding your hand in front of your chest, move your hand with your finger pointed upwards in a counter-clockwise circular motion
• Continue circling your finger counter-clockwise as you raise your hand above your head.
• Look up and see what direction your finger is moving now

Just goes to show you that one's perspective is not absolute.

Another goal of this program is a chance for people on "opposite sides"  to get to know each other on a level playing field.  The kids and the officers interact in a neutral place- a YMCA or public park. They are not identified by specific clothing or uniform.  Both parties have to disarm.  They spend the day doing team tasks, talking about stereotypes, sharing a meal together and begin viewing each other in different ways.

When we can put a name and face to someone on "the other side", we begin to see a different perspective. We begin to understand a little bit about what the other is going through.  The speaker gave an example from one of the conversation tables where both parties shared openly how they felt about the other. The kids were saying that an officer is intimidating because of his gun.  One officer responded that he feels intimated by the kids because, "we rarely see just one of you.  There are generally twelve of you traveling around. My gun would only stop one of you at a time." 

What about you?  How's your perspective?  Have you ever had it change?   What prompted that?    Are there people in your life that you view through a certain lens? Do you need to see life from their vantage point? Do you need a different perspective in your life?  Do you feel stuck in your outlook?  Do you need to move (literally or figuratively) to see things in a broader range? 

When I feel that I am stuck in viewing a situation, I remember "the finger"- the movement of my counter-clockwise hand which appears to be clockwise once I change my vantage point. 

Learning from the Past

Have you ever felt that you were called to something else?  That you need to go against norm and conventions to be your authentic self? 

Yesterday I heard a story of one of the the first female soldiers for our country. At a time when women were expected to tend to the home, be married by age twenty, and had no civil rights, one woman decided to take her future into her own hands.

Deborah Sampson was born in New England of Mayflower stock.  Her mother was a direct descendent of Governor William Bradford and her father was a direct descendent of Miles Standish.  Unfortunately her father was an impoverished farmer who left her mother with seven children.  Deborah's mother couldn't afford to raise her children so they were farmed off to friends and relatives.  At the age of ten, Deborah as the eldest was placed as an indentured servant to a farm in a nearby town.  While there, Deborah worked hard physically but she was also allowed to read books and became self-educated. 

When her service was done, she worked for a couple of years as a teacher and weaver.  In 1781/1782 (historians are unclear as to the correct date), she disguised herself as a boy calling herself Robert Shurtliff and enlisted with the 4th Massachusetts regiment.  For seventeen months, no one in her regiment knew her secret.  She was an ideal soldier- "a remarkable vigilant soldier on her post, [who] always gained the admiration and applause of her officers; was never found in liquor, and always kept company with the most upright and temperate soldiers."

She received a bullet in her thigh and in order to maintain her secret refused medical treatment.  She was able to extricate it herself but the wound never properly healed and gave her problems the rest of her life. She was also wounded again with a shot to her shoulder which led to a fever.  It was only when she became ill and unconscious did an army doctor uncover her secret.  She was not punished for her deception but was praised for her "gallentress".  

In leaving the army, she married and had three children and adopted a fourth.   In later years she continued to petition the government for a military pension which she eventually received in 1805.  (Paul Revere, after visiting her farm, wrote a letter in her favor to the board- see below.)  She also had a biography written and went on lecture tours, dressing up in her uniform and speaking about her experiences.  She died of yellow mountain fever in 1827 at the age of sixty-seven.  

Wow!  Quite a lady.   I love the independence, the determination, the bravery.  She had been dealt some pretty awful cards:  Her father disappeared, partly due to a family squabble of mis-inheritance (He didn't get his fair share.)  Her mother was left destitute and desperate to care for the children.  Whether or not her mom kept with her some of the younger children, we don't know.  But Deborah, being the eldest was given away. Did she ever see her family again?  What did the ten-year-old Deborah think about that? As she aged did she have any suitors? Did she feel that she had any say in self-determination?  What made her decide that she needed to serve her country? Was it to avoid spinsterhood?  Did she have a hard time fitting into the "woman's" role after her army service? How did her independence exhibit itself in her role of mother and wife?  What did she say in her lectures? Did she inspire others?  Was she just a curiosity? 

I love stories of individuals who are, true individuals.  People who are comfortable in their own skin and in their choices in life.  People who are not afraid to go against the norm and societal convention to be true to themselves. 

What about you?  Any historical person that resonates with you?  What qualities do you like?  Have you learned anything from the past?  Has it affected your future? 

---

Paul Revere, in his letter to Congressman William Eustis wrote: 

“Sir, Mrs. Deborah Gannett of Sharon informs me, that she has inclosed to your care a petition to Congress in favour of her. My works for manufacturing of copper, being a Canton, but a short distance from the neighbourhood where she lives; I have been induced to enquire her situation, and character, since she quitted the male habit, and soldiers uniform; for the more decent apparel of her own sex; & since she has been married and become a mother. Humanity, & justice obliges me to say, that every person with whom I have conversed about her, and it is not a few, speak of her as a woman of handsome talents, good morals, a dutiful wife and an affectionate parent. She is now much out of health; She has several children; her husband is a good sort of a man, ‘tho of small force in business; they have a few acres of poor land which they cultivate, but they are really poor. She told me, she had no doubt that her ill health is in consequence of her being exposed when she did a soldiers duty; and that while in the army, she was wounded. We commonly form our idea of the person whom we hear spoken off, whom we have never seen; according as their actions are described, when I heard her spoken off as a soldier, I formed the idea of a tall, masculine female, who had a small share of understanding, without education, & one of the meanest of her sex. When I saw and discoursed with I was agreeably surprised to find a small, effeminate, and conversable woman, whose education entitled her to a better situation in life. I have no doubt your humanity will prompt you to do all in your power to get her some relief; I think her case much more deserving than hundreds to whom Congress have been generous. I am sir with esteem & respect your humble servant,
Paul Revere”

Green Lights

There is a road by my town that, rumor has it, if you traverse the speed limit- 30 mph- you will get all the green lights.  In addition, if you travel any multiple of 30, you also will get the green lights; e.g. 60 mph, 90 mph.  The theory supposedly was tested out by a gentleman I once knew. It was he that told me about it.  Of course, one might get green lights with faster speeds, but one will most assuredly get a speeding ticket.  

I was thinking about green lights the other day because on the commute to my father's house, there are a lot of traffic lights.  As is always the case, when I am running late I seem to get every red light.  Only once have I gotten six green lights in a row, which then had me watching my speed. The passage through of green lights did seem to occur when I was maintaining the speed limit.  Perhaps my long ago friend was right.  His theory applied not just to that one street but at least to the one on which I was traveling. 

There is some connection between green and red lights with good and bad occurrences.   It seems as if red lights are connoted with negativity.  "I got ALL the red lights on my way here," we whine.  It is as if the universe is conspiring against us and the proof is through the traffic light.  And, it seems as if there are more red lights, more opportunities to have to sit and wait than not.  We have come to expect that at every traffic light intersection, we will be delayed at the light. 

Even when we get a green light, we are surprised.  "Clean living paying off," my husband will tease if we come upon that elusive green light.  Why do we respond that way?  Shouldn't we expect green lights all the time?  Shouldn't it be equal- the amount of green to red lights? 

I wonder if we should change our expectations?  From now on, we should expect the green lights on our travels.  We could plan our time for red light (no rushing or going over the speed limit) but hope and expect smooth sailing.  If it is true with the lights that going the suggested speed gives one through and thorough access, I wonder if there is any application to our own life?   Should we be paying attention to how we do things, doing it the "proper" way to eliminate some problems in our life?  I think of the adage everything in its place.  Certainly when I am organized in my home I do have more time to do things because I am not bogged down with finding the right tool or item. For example, when I am organized with the placement of car keys (few and far between I must confess) then I am not wasting time trying to find the bloomin' keys. 

And in our change of expectations, I wonder if we should redefine the burden of the red light? If for some reason we do get a red light, we should not look at it as a bother but be grateful for the stoppage time.  We can view that time for preparation for the next thing that we have to do for home, work, or family. We can pray for the people that we see passing us in cars.   We can think about what we have to say at the business meeting, the company email or the plan for the household project. We can take a deep breath and view the world around us.

What about you?  Have you ever noticed the red and green lights and the percentage of each you get at intersections?  Do you see it as a positive and negative or just how it is?  Do you find that if you are doing the proper thing (e.g. going the speed limit), things work out (e.g. get a green light)?  Or does it matter- you will always get a red light?  What kind of attitude do you portray when you get a "green" light in life?  When you get "red lights"? 

In 2017  I will try to expect only green lights- for me, my family, my friends and loved ones.  I like the positivity of that. 

MLK Day

"I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."   As a mother of two sons, I feel that way.  I feel that about anybody and I would defy anyone to say that their dreams are different than that for any of their loved ones.  When it comes down to it, character is more important that the color of skin, the contents of bank accounts, or the wielding of power. 

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  For some today is just a day off.  For others it represents acknowledgement of a struggle that is still happening.  I am embarrassed to say that I do not know too much about Dr. King.  Just snippets of information: I have heard bits of his speeches.  I once had a psychology professor who had been a doctoral student with him.  I had attended a seminar in which his daughter was one of the main speakers. I know of his marches and his assassination.  But I have never really learned about the man.

In looking at the transcripts of his various speeches I was struck with his speech:  The Three Dimensions of a Complete Life given at New Covenant Baptist Church Chicago Illinois, April 9, 1967. 

His three dimensions result in:

1) Loving yourself and doing the best job you can: "If you can’t be a pine on the top of a hill: Be a scrub in the valley—but be the best little scrub on the side of the hill".

2) Loving your neighbor: "Now the breadth of life is the outward concern for the welfare of others, as I said. And a man has not begun to live until he can rise above the narrow confines of his own individual concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

3) Loving God: "We must move beyond humanity and reach up, way up for the God of the universe, whose purpose changeth not....As I come to my conclusion this morning, I want to say that we should search for him. We were made for God, and we will be restless until we find rest in him.  And I say to you this morning that this is the personal faith that has kept me going"

"Go out this morning. Love yourself, and that means rational and healthy self-interest. You are commanded to do that. That’s the length of life. Then follow that: Love your neighbor as you love yourself. You are commanded to do that. That’s the breadth of life. And I’m going to take my seat now by letting you know that there’s a first and even greater commandment: "Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, (Yeah) with all thy soul, with all thy strength." I think the psychologist would just say with all thy personality. And when you do that, you’ve got the breadth of life. 

And when you get all three of these together, you can walk and never get weary. You can look up and see the morning stars singing together, and the sons of God shouting for joy. When you get all of these working together in your very life, judgement will roll down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream. 

When you get all the three of these together, the lamb will lie down with the lion. 

When you get all three of these together, you look up and every valley will be exalted, and every hill and mountain will be made low; the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places straight; and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh will see it together. 

When you get all three of these working together, you will do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. 

When you get all three of these together, you will recognize that out of one blood God made all men to dwell upon the face of the earth" . 

(Excerpts from Dr. King's speech:  Three Dimensions of a Complete Life.

What about you?  Do you know about Dr. King?  What are your memories or observations?  How do you celebrate MLK day? What about his speeches inspires you? 

Forever Treasures

Last week when I was walking to town during my "cracker dog" moment (see January 9th's post)  I noticed an area that is undergoing construction.  Or rather, it is the side of the road that is housing the construction equipment for the construction work being done across the street.  This equipment parking area is all torn up with deep ruts in the ground and bushes and small trees toppled over. Where the equipment hasn't torn up the area, the weeds and neglect of care have the other areas overgrown and looking quite desolate.

If I hadn't known what was there before, I would've thought that the equipment people were just parking in an abandoned lot.

Thing is, this was once a small, beautiful and beautifully maintained garden in memory of a prominent garden club member.  By the looks of the neglect, it seems as if I may be the only one who has remembered it and her. 

Now there may be plans to which I am not privy of revitalizing the garden once the construction across the street is complete.  I certainly hope so. 

And I couldn't help but remember the story of Englishman Roger Bannister the first man to run a mile in under four minutes.  Never had it been done before. The closest was Gunder Hagg from Sweden who, in 1945 ran a mile in 4:01.4. Yet, on May 6, 1954 Mr. Bannister ran it in 3:59.4. I sure that he was elated as were all the running fans. And he probably thought that it might be some time, like the nine years it took him, before someone would break his record.  

Thing is, in less than a year Australian John Landy broke that record with a time of 3:58.0

Just goes to show you that our accomplishments and tributes don't stay around for very long.

The neglected garden and the breaking of sporting records are gentle reminders to me to not put my hopes, my dreams, my sense of self all into the basket of accomplishment.  For if I do, someone else will push me out or dash my hopes and dreams.  There will always be someone else who surpasses our accomplishments like setting a new record or there will always be something that is more pressing than maintaining a piece of unused land like building a new shopping site.

I need to think of myself more than what is achieved. I need to remember the words of Jesus; not to store up treasures on earth that can rust, but lay up treasures in Heaven. 

What does that look like?  For me it means working towards and contributing to a purpose greater than myself.  To know that I have made a difference in the world but that I don't rest on my laurels of whatever contribution that might be. To not be overwhelmed, smitten or too confident in what "I've" produced, created or acquired.  To realize all can be lost in an instant and it is the intangible things like relationships, character, and truth that withstand. 

It is hard.  We are society that takes great pleasure in celebrating, almost deifying those who are "accomplished" aka "successful".  Certainly there is a time for recognition and celebration. I am all for the kudos and the reaping of the benefits from working hard.  But that shouldn't be the raison d'etre.  One hopes that one would be recognized for one's work but there are so many people working hard and never getting any type of recognition or thanks.

Even though the garden was a fitting tribute to our town gardener, it didn't take long before it was destroyed.  At the time the memorial garden was commissioned it was big deal because she was pretty prominent in town helping to shape the gardens around public buildings. Yet it is not the garden that I focus on.  I remember her because she was kind and helpful.  When we had our first house and I wanted to venture into gardening, she recommended some books to us.  We still have the books and I think of her fondly whenever I refer to them. 

What about you?  Can you think of accomplishments, either for yourself or others that have been surpassed?  If it was your own, how does that make you feel?  What kind of treasures are you storing? Earthly or heavenly? 

Basket Shopping

As we're down to one car, I have been having to walk or bike to do our grocery shopping.  That means that I cannot fill a grocery cart as I normally would do.  I have to be able to physically carry (or ensure all of the bags fit into my bicycle panniers) the food that I have chosen. 

I wonder how long I can keep this up?  Going to the grocery store every day or every couple of days seems like an inefficient use of my time.   But I like the benefits- intentional exercise, reduction of our carbon footprint and reduction in meal preparation stress due to the knowledge that what I pick is part of an already chosen meal plan. 

It's been hard though to get over the mindset of being prepared for all contingencies.  I feel that I am so ingrained to "be prepared" that I even find myself doing it when at the store with our grown son.  He might be shopping for his own groceries, for his own household and still I ask him, "Need more toilet paper?  Have enough eggs?  What's the status of your canned soups? What about laundry detergent?" I feel an unfounded anxiety that if he doesn't purchase those things he will be unprepared and disaster will befall him.   I seem to have this compulsion of asking him to pick up more things than he was planning and that he actually needs.  

I have been acutely aware of this familial tendency as I have riffled through my parents' cupboards trying to clean out and keep fresh the contents for my dad.  I am amazed at the amount of cream of chicken soup cans my mother kept in her pantry.  She was prepared to make casseroles for the home front and for the invaders if we ever had a nuclear attack. (But then who would really want to eat them and would anyone be around?)

But the action of making smaller purchases has resonated with me.  I feel so much freer, lighter and healthier.  First of all, I have to be mindful of what I purchase- when will I use it, how much will I need and how heavy is it?  Secondly, I am mindful of using all the items that I purchased because my time is precious and I don't want to waste any of it going to the store unnecessarily. Thirdly, I am saving money because I am not buying unnecessary and unused items. I don't need to keep my cash on my pantry shelves in the form of mega packaging.   Do I really need to outlay a week's paycheck for the ginormous package of toilet paper? 

My Cape Cod market basket given to me by an elderly neighbor many years ago...

I am thinking about starting my own small purchasing movement- Basket Shopping.  I guess it is counter to the anti-Costco, mega purchase shopping experience.  I am harkening back to the practice of the daily round to the shops to pick up enough in one's market basket.  The hand carrying market basket which was used to transport the purchased items, was a staple for all households and is used in some form or other even today.  It was in 1937 that Sylvan Goldman designed a basket on wheels.  It was designed to make the shopping experience easier and more pleasant, which in turn would encourage the shopper to visit more frequently which consequently would increase sales.  The original shopping cart has been expanded over the years to accommodate more merchandise and hence increase sales for the company.  I wonder if it is a coincidence that part of our obesity epidemic can be correlated to the enlargement of shopping carts and buying in bulk? 

So, I am wondering what the smaller purchasing model will do to our eating habits, our budget, our health? Will it be a total inefficient model or one that works well for us and our lifestyle?  Can it be sustained especially in the winter months? Will I grow weary of riding or walking to the store?  Will I find that I have to make an occasional car run to the larger, better stocked grocery every couple of weeks?  How will that work with budgeting and planning?   I'll let you know how I progress.

What about you?  How are you with grocery shopping?  What do you do?  Monthly trip to Costco?  Daily trip to the local shops?  Online purchasing and at home delivery?  Eat most meals out so you don't have much in pantry or fridge?  Are there items in your pantry that you cannot even make out the expiration date due to age related fading?   Do you feel the need to be prepared for any food related worst case scenario? Coffee, wine, chocolate, favorite snacks for the apocalypse? 

You might not be in a position to walk or bike to the grocery store, but you can try basket shopping.  For the next couple of weeks, plan out your menus- taking into account the items in your fridge, freezer and pantry. Try to incorporate some of the items that have been there forever.   Write out your list of what you need from the store.  When you go, plan on using only the hand held basket for your items. Once it is filled up then you are done for the day.  After a couple of weeks, what happened?  Did you become best buds with the checker?  Have you been more intentional about your meals and what you eat? Have you spent more or less on food? 

Have you tried basket shopping? 

Cracker Dog

Life size statue of Mrs. Pumphrey and Trick Woo in a museum in Yorkshire England.  Frankly I find it a little creepy but there is a whole industry based on the books.  World of James Herriot museum in Thirsk, UK

Our little female Jack Russell has this habit of going "cracker dog".  For those of you who may be James Herriot fans you might recognize that expression.  That was the description of TrickyWoo, the pampered pooch of Mrs. Pumphrey.  Every so often, Tricky would run around like a crazy dog expending as much energy as possible, going cracker dog.

Our dog Millie does that too.  She will tear around the backyard, taking tight turns around the hydrangea bushes.  She races on the top garden, down the slope, through the lower garden and up along the fence. On and on she will go until at some point she will just flop down panting loudly.

Every so often I feel a cracker dog moment coming on myself.  I think it is what in human terms we call cabin fever. Last week I had a moment of it.  I was tired of being cooped up in the house and felt I just needed to expend some energy.  I had a window of time so I suited up (putting multiple layers on as it was freezing cold) and walked into the town center to complete some errands. It felt so good to put one foot in front of the other and to get some fresh air.  

I remember times when I felt cabin fever even at work.  I would use my lunch break to either walk on the road surrounding the building or head to a local hiking path to walk as fast as I could for about 15 minutes. 

Do you ever feel penned in?  Like you are going to explode if you sit one moment longer?   What do you do about it?

Here are some other suggestions of going "cracker dog":

• Go up and down your household steps (or office building steps)  multiple times- try and go as fast as you can (but please, don't fall)
• Do jumping jacks for two minutes (or longer if you can)
• Run or march in place (always preferable to have an office with a door when attempting at work)
• Walk around your neighborhood or work building during lunch time
• Stand and do the "heads, shoulders, knees and toes" song complete with actions for two minutes (again, best done in an office with a door)

What about you?  Are you going "cracker dog"?  What techniques to you employ to expend that energy? 

Our little cracker dog doing what she normally does- snoozing under multiple blankets.

The Age of Living

Do you get morose at the start of the new year?  Does the blankness of the new calendar feel depressing? I can't say that I get down but I do have a tendency for reflection upon the turning of a new diary page.  I also have these type of reflections at funerals, at weddings, while baking cookies or cleaning the house. (Alas, I am constantly thinking.)  Every so often I am in the middle of an activity or task and I think of the friends and relatives who were once my age and  who also did that activity or task and realize that it was not so long ago.  I am acutely aware of how short life is.  

And how precious.

I heard an interview with the composer, choral conductor Alice Parker on Krista Tippett's On Being radio show.  Ms. Parker is 90 years young and still working, creating and making music. In looking at her biography I felt something familiar.  She is slightly older than my mom, yet the pictures of her with her short curly grey hair and the position and movement of her conducting arms reminded me of my mom.  They were contemporaries in the choral conducting world although Ms. Parker was much more well known than my mom.  Seeing her picture I felt a sadness of missing my mother because I can't talk to my mom any more. Did mom know her, ever sing with her?  I feel that Ms. Parker might have been one of the instructors at choral music conventions my mom attended. 

Listening to Ms. Parker had me reflect on my mom and what my mom and grandma were doing at my age, and what I am doing at that similar age.  When I realize how quickly life passes, it can be daunting and makes one feel that there is not much time left for anything significant. If I am not careful I can allow myself to slide into the mire of despair and hopelessness. 

Yet listening to Ms. Parker I am reminded that we shouldn't be concerned with the passage of time.  No matter the age there is always work to be done and purpose to be found even in one's final days. We should just keep on for as long as we have breath.

I was also reminded of one of my favorite Cape Cod artists- Vivien Oswell. She is still painting and still creating even in her nineties.  To meet her and talk with her, one would think she was at least twenty years younger.

Even though I  may be acutely aware of the passage of time I need not be afraid.  To live well is to live each day to the best of one's ability: to find purpose in what one is doing, whatever that might be and to continue doing it. Living well is to continue to create, to explore and to share with the world.

What about you?  How do you view the passage of time?  Do you ever think of it?  Does it change how you live? 

This year, let us embrace what each day brings, not knowing the future but not being afraid or morose about it either. This year I am game to keep working, creating, living. 

E for Encouragement

The scenario: A world leader who rules through suppression of freedoms and instillation of fear. A world leader who comes to power due to the complacency of voters.  A world leader who speaks for the disenfranchised who once had a voice. A world leader who claims moral victory yet doesn't live by any moral code.  A world leader who no one thought would ever be voted into office.

Sound like 2016?  Actually it is the underlying scenario for the 2006 movie, V for Vendetta.  Over the holidays, our son suggested watching it.  "Following world war, London is a police state occupied by a fascist government, and a vigilante known only as V (Hugo Weaving) uses terrorist tactics to fight the oppressors of the world in which he now lives. When V saves a young woman named Evey (Natalie Portman) from the secret police, he discovers an ally in his fight against England's oppressors."

It was thought provoking,entertaining and timely. Bear in mind, it is an action movie and one based on a comic book so there are plenty of scenes of "willing suspension of disbelief".  And while I did find it disturbing that the solution and hero to the problem was a masked terrorist who manipulates his followers, there was some good dialogue:

"Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well, certainly, there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. They were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent."   ~ speech given by the protagonist "V" to the people of 2020 England who inhabit this dystopia. 

In some ways this might not seem like a Happy New Year message but I think that it is one that is needed. The new year is a good time for reflection. Now is the time for us to step back and think about our past, both individually and societally.   To reflect on our current situation, our responsibility and our hand in the process. Now is the time to name the problem.

And...

Now is the time to go forward and make changes, whether that is for a situation that is personal, community related, family oriented or societal. Depending upon what we have experienced we might have to take different action steps:  we might have to seek information, to stay informed, to ask forgiveness, to become involved, or to sacrifice.

I suggest that 2017 is the time to individually and corporately stand up for what is right, truthful and good. Now is the time to encourage others to do the same.  Now is the time to use our words for good, for encouragement, and for relaying the truth. 

I think what resonated with me in this film is the power of words and ideas.  While I don't agree about the use of force, the hero has some good statements about the use of words.   Perhaps there are times when force is necessary but I think the pen is mightier than the sword.  I think kind, thoughtful, and inspiring words can do more to elicit change than violence, intimidation and fear. 

 What about you?   Do you view 2017 as a year of fear or hope? How do you portray your ideas? Do you think that violence is necessary to make a point?   What is your "initial": are you a "V" for vigilante or are you an "E" for encourager?  Do you feel any societal responsibility? What action steps can you take to contribute towards change? 

2017-Living Life Well

As we say good-bye to an old year and ring in a new, would you say that you have lived life well?  Have you not only endured your situation but have thrived in it?  Are you just going through the motions of life or are you embracing it? Are you dreading another year or are you excited about the opportunities?  Do you feel that life is a series of repetitive mundane encounters- sleep, eat, work?  Or do you feel possibilities brimming at every turn?

This year, I am wondering why can’t we make the repetitive encounter, the ordinary events, extra- ordinary? Why should we just settle for the mundane?  

This year, I want to live my life well, full of abundance, and brimming over the top.  

What does that mean?  For me?  What would that mean for you? 

For me living life well means to embrace all that life has to offer- the good, the bad and the ugly. For it is in that reflection of it all, that perspective is given and only through that perspective can I then appreciate all the goodness in my life and celebrate it.

• Counting my blessings- each day being grateful for what I have been giving
• Practicing the presence of being- enjoying the moments with others as well as by myself
• Sharing with others- not just my extra resources but at times willing to share sacrificially
• Being mindful of each encounter, meal, conversation, action, etc. that I witness
• Finding purpose and meaning in what I do- even if that is as simple as washing the dishes
• Learning more about the world around me- being curious
• Experiencing the arts and the gift of creativity
• Encouraging others in their life journey

I am sure as I continue exploring living life well, I will expand my list.  At first when I explored living well, it contained the foundational elements of body, mind, spirit: finding balance in being as healthy as one can be.   And that is still a good goal. Yet I am ready to move further and deeper in my pursuit of living physically, mentally and spiritually well.  I am ready to live a life that reflects back the light and love of God: a contagious, winsome, abundant life-affirming existence.

Won't you join me? 

One Path or Thirty?

The Real Simple article (posted last Friday, December 23) about finishing had an interesting comment that has stuck with me. 

One of the reasons, or so suggested by the life coach, the author never finished her projects was that her father modeled a talented yet multiple scattered existence: he had so many work and volunteer projects that he was all over the place.  The author's life coach wondered what it would've been like if her dad had focused on just one of his projects and interests.  "But what if he'd devoted himself to only the mobile van [providing health care for the homeless], say and instead of just having one van, he'd developed a whole fleet of them to serve the entire country? Wouldn't he have accomplished more? Did you ever wonder if he himself wished he's walked one path instead of 30?"

Wow.  Made me think of my own paths.  My life's journey is definitely like the "The Ramble" at Central Park.  Every time we visit and explore the park, we end up getting "lost" in the ramble located on the west side.  Obviously we get out of the park but it always takes longer than expected. So many twists and turns back on itself.  I certainly enjoy the views, the birding and the flora and fauna but once I get stuck on one of its trails, I secretly kick myself for having started down that path. 

The question of accomplishing more or being more effective has given me pause. I am wanting to challenge myself to see if 1) I can finish the projects that I have started. 2) Be intentional with those projects.  Only begin those that keep me on one path.  The plan evaluation would be to see if I can accomplish more and be more effective.  And, if that is what I want to do.  I find that I like variety but I am wondering at what cost? 

The path for me this coming year is writing.  I am hesitant to reveal my overall life's goals for fear it won't happen.  (In the past, I have noticed that when I say I will do something, it generally never happens.  When I think about accomplishing something, I am more likely to do it and then surprise others and myself with that accomplishment.)

What about you?  Have you ever thought of your life as a series of paths?  Do you wander  here and there, like Billy from The Family Circus comic strips? Or do you stay on a specific path, never veering left or right?  Do you feel that you are effective in your life?  Are the distractions of the different paths causing you to not finish what you start?  Are the many paths providing joy or frustration?  Perhaps 2017 will be the year to challenge yourself to finding a path that provides joy.

How many paths do you traverse?  One or thirty?  How many paths will you traverse in 2017? 

Living Out Loud

I was watching the Oprah Winfrey special of Michelle Obama's farewell interview.  Whether you agree with her husband's politics or not you have to agree that she is certainly a poised and polished speaker.  She is gracious and kind and smart.  I like that she takes the high road and that she is not apologetic about her life.  She is living her life out loud.

I think of other ladies that I "know"; famous ones about whom I have read and the not so famous ones about whom I encounter daily.  What makes them inspirational?  I think it comes down to being authentic. They have a good sense of self.  They are gracious, kind, and wise.  They have a good sense of self and situational humor.  They are loving and generous. 

They are the ones who take the high road and refuse to stoop to levels that don't reflect their values. 

They are living their lives out loud. 

How do you go about that?

• Being confident in who and whose you are.  "You are fearfully and wonderfully made" says the Bible.
• Being a grown up. Not hiding behind others nor blaming others especially when things do not go well.  Fess up to mistakes and move on.
• Being resourceful.  Know what is available and to be willing to ask for help.
• Being vulnerable.  Willing to find out information if you don't know.  Willing to share your struggles and limitations. 
• Being generous.  Know that sharing one's resources, values, faith- in essence one's life has a way of coming back to you. 
• Being authentic.  Being honest about yourself - good, bad, and the ugly.

What about you?  Know any inspirational ladies?  Are you an inspirational women?  What else makes a person inspirational?  What makes someone live her life out loud?  What does that look like for you? How can you cultivate authenticity in your life?  

Are you living your life out loud? 

Choices

What choices have you made today?  

Get up with the alarm or hit the snooze button?  Shave or go with a little stubble? Boxers or briefs? Skirt or pants? Eggs or oatmeal?  Tell your boss his project idea isn't going to work or smile and start planning? Visit that family member or decide to stay home?  Ride the train or drive? Ask the cute co-worker for coffee or remain silent?  Say yes to the job offer across the country or look for something closer to home?  Go to church or sleep in?

Every day in every way we have choices.  Some are major.  Some are minor.  Most are lifestyle preferences on how we feel on a particular day. Major or minor, what we choose says something about us and our values. 

I was thinking about choices and attitudes recently.  The other day I was riding my bicycle to do some errands.  It was so much easier to go to the store and the shopping mall on my bike rather than contend with the long holiday traffic lines. But I had a practical reason for riding as we are down to one car and that particular car was "in the shop".  I needed some sort of transportation and the bicycle was it.

Our one car lifestyle is a lifestyle choice. We are choosing to reduce our carbon footprint.  We are choosing to take time and research our next car options so that we can purchase a car that matches our needs. We are choosing to save up our money so we can buy our next car without a loan.  We are choosing to see if we can live in a place where there is (limited) public transportation and "bike paths".   When I view the decision for one car as our choice I am much better in my attitude.

Many years ago we were down to one car.  We were seeing how long we could go without purchasing another much needed second car.   It took a lot of coordination of schedules, "I need the car on Wednesday.  You need it Thursday night." etc.  At that time, the choice for the one car was necessitated by a total car accident of our previous car and not one that we had readily chosen. 

How I internally complained about our situation!  As I would be walking along, pushing our two young boys in the stroller, struggling under grocery bags, every passing car seemed to mock me. "Why don't you have a car?  We have a car- ha, ha, ha."  

But I am so grateful for that experience.  Our two boys developed into wonderful walkers. When they were quite small I remember taking them to Washington DC with a friend and her two "slightly older than ours" children.  Our guys just kept plugging along, never flagging while the friend's children had a little bit of a struggle.  Also, the experience has made all of us more aware of others' transportation plights, the development of cities and what we as citizens can choose to do. 

So as I was pedaling along the other day, I realized that I had none of the animosity and annoyance in our current one car choice as I did with the previous time.  For me it was because I have chosen to live like this. I have the pleasure of exercising and doing an errand. I have the opportunity to explore areas of our town that I cannot traverse in the car. I have the satisfaction in knowing that I am living my beliefs. 

What a difference a shift in attitude and perspective make.    Because I made the choice and it wasn't decided for me, I feel that I have options.  The end result is the same- one car- yet my attitude is totally different as I pass motorists.  No longer do I feel that they are mocking me.  I feel confident with the ease in which I travel and with the fun that I am experiencing. 

What about you?  What choices have you made?  Are making?  Are some of your choices thrust upon you or can you decide for yourself?  In dealing with other people, do you make the choices for them or do you allow them to do so?  What are you having to decide that could be handled differently with an attitude and perspective choice? 

Finish!

When I first took tennis lessons I had a pro constantly call out, "Finish!!"  What he meant was that as I swung through and hit the ball, I needed to finish the swing- taking my racquet and arm through the shot and end with my elbow high and the racquet almost wrapped around my torso. It took a while for me to achieve it and even now I need to remind myself, "finish!"

I have found that I also use that expression when I am in the middle of a project, activity or even asking others in my family to complete their tasks.  "Finish", I say under my breath as I see the rinsed-out, yet not- in-the-dishwasher cereal bowl in the sink.  "Finish", I tell myself when I want to stop running after only ten steps.  "Finish", I will encourage when I want to leave the drop cloths on the floor, the paint on the brushes, and the trim unpainted. 

Turns out the uncompleted project is a common occurrence.  In January's issue of Real Simple, an author described her frustration with having numerous undone projects and explores the why and how she can accomplish them.  She visits a life coach, a psychologist, checks out helpful technology for keeping on task and even hires a personal assistant.  She learns why she is the way she is. She learns that as a woman there are hormonal reasons and times to be motivated. She spends an inordinate amount of money to have a stranger finish a craft project favor for her daughter's birthday party even though she gets much enjoyment from making her own crafts. 

Bottom line:  "Finish".

We might know why we are the way we are; e.g. undiagnosed ADHD or poor modeling from multiple achiever parents.  We might have a plan to save and hire a personal assistant (her NYC based personal assistant cost $85/hour).  We might even have "permission" to finish the task through a work related article.  Yet with all that information, we still feel the weight of unfinished projects and the stress of getting them all done. 

So...

There comes the time when we just have to take the initiative and figure out what is needed to do (watch the ball); pull back our arm in preparation (gather information, tools, resources for what we need); contact the ball (start what is necessary) and finish through with the swing (complete the whole movement or activity without going on to the next).

I think I want to finish some of my undone projects.  Either that, or just get rid of the projects realizing that they will never be finished and why carry all that guilt.  

What about you?  Do you have unfinished projects?  How does that make you feel?  What will you do about them?  What do you need to do to "Finish!"?

The Book of Doing

As I am want to do, I was looking at used books at a local thrift shop.  I was wanting my own copy of Moby Dick and I just had a feeling that there might be a discarded, hardly read copy from someone's English class.  Eureka.  Found one in pristine condition.

I also happened upon this little gem:  The Book of Doing:  Everyday Activities to Unlock Your Creativity and Joy  by Allison Arden.  She reminds the reader that  we have turned joyful pursuits into chores. "We've minimized the value of what these acts of personal creation can fuel in our society: the perspective, centeredness, and sense of accomplishment they give us. ....In the same way we have allowed technology to infiltrate every area of our lives, we must allow our creativity and passions to infuse our daily activities."  Amen sister!

And so, dear reader I offer to you some of the suggestions from her book (and a few of my own).  Perhaps 2017 can be the year that you try and engage in some type of creative doing.  It doesn't have to be the beret-wearing, scarf-tossing artist (accent on the second syllable).  Doing can encompass anything, as Ms. Arden states, "Creating, making, mastering,  perfecting, helping, inventing, initiating, experimenting, learning, drawing, changing, constructing, reading, moving, trying, challenging, testing, building, writing singing, dancing, hosting, cooking, painting tasting, sharing, smelling, imitating, playing, enjoying, being, giving,  

"It is not in doing what you like, but in liking what you do that is the secret of happiness." ~J.M. Barrie, creator of Peter Pan.

Here are some suggestions:

• Master how to say "hello", "please" and "thank you" in five different languages  (once you have done that, go on to completely learn a language- at least be able to communicate if you travel)
• Remove the words, "never", "can't", and "stupid" from your vocabulary (think of other frequent words you might use and try to change them up)
• Add a new word to your vocabulary each week (https://www.vocabulary.com/ is an online "game" for learning new words)
• Train to participate in a something-a thon ( marathon, bike-a-thon, bowl-a-thon, etc.)
• Be inspired by a dish you love from a restaurant and try duplicating at home
• Taste a slice of pizza from every shop in town- rate it  (bring friends and/or family along.  If pizza is not your thing- try ice cream, same type of sandwich, coffee or tea)
• Look at the world through a camera lens (literally  as you see things through new angles and then figuratively as you view the same ole, same ole in a different light)
• Learn to play chess
• Go to a farm where you can pick your own fruits and veggies. (make something with the harvest)
• Craft something special out of a sentimental piece of clothing (favorite t-shirts into throw pillows or quilts)
• Change something "unmovable" ( your birthday, a room, your hair, your point of view)
• Build something out of a natural material- preferably if you "find" the material on a nature walk (last year I made a bamboo fence to contain our raspberries)
• Pick and celebrate quotes that Inspire you  (pin them up around your desk, mirror, by the kitchen sink)
• Memorize a poem or scripture  (you'll never know when that gem will need to be recalled)

The point of all these suggestions is to get out there and do something.  Something that feeds your soul and opens you to new possibilities. Something that can stimulate one of your five senses.  As you do your activities, try to enjoy the experience.  I am going to try this year.  What about you? 

The Season of Joy

I love the word joy.  It just has such a wonderful image.  What I love about it is that it represents peace that transcends circumstance.  It is being able to say, "I am okay even in the midst of trouble.  I know that my present circumstance will not be forever and even if it is, there are things that I can learn and change and do about it."  It is viewing our situations and problems as opportunities.

I have heard various people talk about happiness and joy lately.  Totally unrelated conversations which makes me think that this is a topic in which I need assistance. In each of those discussions the conclusion has been that joy and happiness are different. Happiness is dependent upon surroundings. The focus becomes on achieving and getting things and that those things will provide happiness.  Isn't that the crux of the materialistic holidays?  Or that happiness has to be a reaction to what has occurred.  If the surroundings aren't quite good enough then one is unhappy. Life is miserable until something else happens that may provide a positive reaction.  Then we feel "happy".

I think of joy as the serene, gracious wiser sibling.  The one who seems to be unruffled and steady during difficulties.  The one who remains calm, speaks in a pleasant tone and doesn't fly off the handle.  The one who is unfazed if things don't go his way.  The one who is content whether he has much or he has little.  The one who is confident in all circumstances. 

I think of the past to the many times when I didn't exemplify poise in a situation. Times when I certainly wasn't full of joy.  Times when I let my unhappiness because "things didn't workout the way I wanted" spill out in my speech. Times when I railed against the "injustice" or aka "not getting the things I wanted" of my life. How ridiculous. How unattractive.  How childish. 

Joy comes from contentment. Joy comes from hope.  Joy comes from God.

The world is is need of joy this season.  I am in need of joy this season. What about you?  Can you replace happiness with joy this season?  This coming year? 

Christmas in Your City

This is the time of year when there are all the feel good stories and anecdotes about Christmas past and present.  It is wonderful and I welcome the stories but I can't help wondering- how come there aren't more of these type of stories the rest of the year?  Why aren't we on the look out for opportunities to help one another once the season of comfort and joy are over?  Why do we share good cheer in December but come January we spread misery? 

I heard of a heartwarming tale that has taken place in Boston every Christmas for the last twenty-seven years.  In 1988 one family realized how much they received at Christmas and thought that the following year they would try to do something about it.  So, the following year, two brothers, their employees and clients decided to make a special Christmas memory for the homeless in their community.  

This all volunteer organization provides a day in which the hundreds of families who attend will have a celebration, receive a meal and presents.  But what was once just an annual event has now expanded. They now have job training and other events during the year.  As they say on their website: 

"Each year, Christmas in the City brings holiday magic to thousands of Boston-area kids and their families – kids and families who’ve been experiencing the uncertainty of homelessness and the stress of poverty. Our annual party for those living in homeless shelters is a spectacular, go-all-out holiday event that many kids tell us is the best day of their lives. We also “play Santa” to thousands of other children who live in poverty, and provide assistance throughout the year to help families successfully transition from homelessness to independent living."  Click here to read more. 

Much as it is important to celebrate Christmas and to help others during the holidays, I really like that they have other programming throughout the year. Homelessness and poverty do not recognize calendar holidays and do not take breaks. There are no special days for those who are experiencing this type of troubles. 

I also like that this is a 100% volunteer organization.  Everyone does their bit and part.  And in doing so, a truly amazing event takes place. (check out the pictures- this truly is a spectacular party.)  I am sure that there must be great organizers to make this event work.  How wonderful that each person brings his or her gift to benefit others.  After all, isn't that the true meaning of Christmas: the teenager mother who gave the gift of obedience to be used by God, the wisemen who gave practical gifts to the care of the newborn king, and the God who humbled himself as the small baby in order to give us the greatest gift of eternal life.

What would it look like if we "gave away" our gifts, talents, and resources? Who could we benefit?  In all the cases of those who "gave away", they would say that they received so much more. 

Are there programs in your city that help those less fortunate?  Do they continue throughout the year?   If there isn't a specific program, what can you do to either replicate a Christmas in the City type program or design something specific for your city? 

What is Christmas like in your city?

Grown Up Christmas List

What is on your Christmas List?  Did you ever write one when you were little?  Do you still make them out? Or have you given up the practice? 

I guess I wrote a Christmas list when I was little. With my love of lists I am sure that I must've. Funny that I can't remember any specific one.  

I also cannot remember pleading and cajoling my parents for a specific toy or gift.  I am sure that I did hound them. My parents probably had the annual holiday headache over hearing me talk about an item and in trying to acquire said item.  Yet I cannot remember ever getting the "popular" sold out toy.  I don't think that phenomenon was around when I was little.  (I think that started with the Cabbage Patch Kids which was part of my nieces and nephews younger years.)

It just seems that the process of naming what we want and writing it down and the anticipation of receiving the gift almost seems greater than the actual item.  We can have all those moments of pleasure thinking about the gift. It is the joy of delayed gratification. 

Yet it seems that once the gift is given and received, we are not as interested in it anymore.  Or at least it loses its charm and appeal.  It is as if all our energy was spent on imaging the gift and now that the gift has arrived, we are spent- tired of the item before it has been used.  In many cases, we cannot even remember what the fuss was all about.

I remember one year my son had a remote control motorcycle on his Christmas list. Or my father-in-law had heard some of his golf buddies talking about a remote control motorcycle that they were getting their grandchildren.  Either way, my father-in-law moved heaven and earth (or at least all the Toys R Us stores in our metropolitan area) to purchase it.  Our son enjoyed it very much.  For the first couple of days.  But after awhile, the difficult-to-acquire toy found its way to the bottom of the toy cabinet. 

I am wondering about that experience as I ponder the next chapter in my life.  I have thought for a long time the personal and career items I want to accomplish and achieve. I even have a list of material possessions that I would want: type of home, contents of home, location of said home, type of car, etc.  But even those lists are like the fantastical lists that our childish selves write to Santa: totally unrealistic and impractical.

What do I really want?

I find that I have a hard time writing down what I want.  Oh sure, I have those lists of my ideal items but what if that list was definitive?  And that which was written on my list was what I would receive. No more. No less.  Would I truly be content and happy with it?   Would it be overwhelming or not enough?  Would I be listing the right things for the current me as well as the future me?  Would I grow weary with my requests even before I received them?  If it all came to me at once, would I miss the excitement of the next year or stage of my life? 

I guess I have come to the conclusion that, while I have lists of accomplishments and goals, my ultimate list would be deferred to the One who knows me better than myself: the One who created me and who loves me.  Not that I am absolving myself of any responsibility of living my life.  I just have come to the conclusion that I will trust God in directing my steps for my future plans.  Certainly I have my part to do: to be as educated, healthy, curious, well rounded, and developed in my specific gifts and talents.  But for choosing the best course of action, I choose to let "Thy Will Be done." 

I think I will let my Christmas List be fulfilled by God and what He has in store for me.

What about you?