Enjoy the Ride

"How long did it take you?"

In my extended family that is usually the first question one will be asked when completing a long journey. The next question will be, "how was the trip?" but that question is generally a polite after thought.

The first question is the important one to the asker- it is all about timing.  Really it is a question of arriving at one's destination quickly and "ahead" of others. There is an unspoken and unrealistic universal competition that one's car needs to arrive at one's destination faster than anyone has done before or humanly possible without getting massive speeding tickets.  The other unspoken "truth" is that you must be a fantastic driver to go so fast without detection.

It. drives. me. crazy.  

When our immediate family goes on a trip, regardless of the destination we can just count on it taking all day.  It is not that we poke along.  We drive slightly over the speed limit. We don't make too many stops but certainly we are not going to make ourselves uncomfortable.  With our former car, I was convinced that we must've had a wonky speedometer. 

If truth be told, I am crazed by the asking because deep down I am frustrated that we didn't "win" the arrival competition.  After five hours in the car I am ready to arrive at our destination.  Most of the time we are just halfway there.  Ugh. 

I thought of this last week when I drove down to our son's college to pick him up for spring break.  By the speeds at which my fellow travelers passed me, I would surmise that they too will be answering a how long did it take you evaluation at their destination.  But what about enjoying the ride?  What about the journey is part of the experience?  Will I reach my destination less stressed and more refreshed if I am not anxious about overtaking any driver blocking my lane? 

I struggle with the getting there fast and the enjoying the ride ideology.  

It does translate to our lives. Sometimes we are so anxious to get to the destination that we ignore the time it takes to get there.  We miss out on the people along the way, the good and bad experiences or the detours.   I think of the times in my life when I had to have a slow down detour.  Looking back I see that I eventually got  to my destination but just not in my time frame.  That detour allowed me to make new friends, deepen current relationship, or see and experience things that I never would've chosen nor done.   At the time those detours were just plain inconvenient and uncomfortable.  But I see now that they were necessary to shape me into the person I have become- to shape me into appreciating the destination when I finally arrived. 

I just need to remember that.  I sometimes just want to get to the end whatever that end might be:  finish a project, learn and move on from a difficult situation, have someone heal and feel better, wrap things up in a "neat little bow".  The thing is, life very rarely works out that way.  Especially dealing with people, you can very rarely say, "That crisis or experience is over.  No problems now."  There will always be something and it is okay.

Just like our family has come to the conclusion that the road trip is part of the whole experience, I need to remember that one's trip through life is the experience. I can't rush it along and I need to embrace every bump in the road. When I accept that our road trips will take all day, I relax into the time.  I don't arrive at the destination frazzled.  And that is how I want to live my life- with enjoyment of the whole trip.

What about you?  Are you a got-to-get-there-at-all costs kind of driver?  Do you meander down the rode, stopping at whatever attraction beckons you?   What about your journey in life?  Do detours and bumps in the road distract you or cause anxiety?  What can you do to appreciate your journey? 

Do you enjoy the ride? 

The Phone Rings...

The phone rings.  We called the ambulance to take your mother to the hospital. The ring of one phone call can change one's whole morning.

Today is one of those days that I am aware of how quickly our lives can change.  We are all just one phone call, one letter, one disaster or one encounter away from a daily or life changing disruption.   At times our lives go plugging along and then in an instant- change.

Certainly the people of Brussels or Paris or San Bernardino or Newtown or Boston or Oklahoma City or New York City know all about that.  Certainly people who receive the phone call about their child’s accident,  a loved one’s medical condition, or a call from a despondent friend know about that.

Things happen in our lives that are unplanned and unexpected. Sometimes the results are disastrous and tragic other times they are annoying and temporarily disruptive. 

Once again I am reminded to not take any day or any time for granted.  I need to appreciate the moments spent in the company of friends and loved ones. I am also reminded not to procrastinate nor put off doing things that I should, could, or would be doing.  How many times do I think, “I’ll do that later.”  Yet the later never comes or it is pushed even further along in time due to unforeseen circumstances.

The other thing that I am reminded is that I need to keep wiggle room into my schedule. It is not a good practice to have a jammed packed life without any breathing space.  If you do not think your life is over scheduled, consider this-  If you had to cancel and change every obligation for a day, a few days or a week, what would that look like?  Would it only take a couple of emails or phone calls or would it be like the coordination of the D-Day invasion? 

I am finally reminded that change can be both ways- negative or positive.  It seems that we focus so much on the instant change from disaster that we forget that there can be instant changes for the better.  We are expecting, We are getting married, I got a new job,  I have an interview. We bought a house, I won an award, I got accepted at…  

Makes me think of spring and the emergence of the buds, flowers and the plants back to their growing state. In looking at our backyard these winter months, I see the same picture:  empty branches of the hydrangea bushes, brown mulch, faded green grass.  It seems as if it doesn't take much for the branches to start pushing forth with new growth, bulbous tips and eventually new leaves and blossoms. 

When we feel discouraged about the changes and plans both in the world and in our own lives, I think we need to to remember the spring.  Just as bad things can rapidly deteriorate, so can good things accelerate and happen.  Just like the quince bush that shows some hint of color, then bulbous branches and full blown flowers almost overnight, so can good news appear out of nowhere. We need to be prepared to receive it, to be grateful for it and to enjoy it. 

Location Perspective

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time being present and enjoying my current moments. I am so used to planning- personally and professionally- that I seem to get more enjoyment in the planning process than in the implementation. 

I find that this also carries out in my enjoyment of where we live.  When I first moved to the larger area, I loved this little town where we currently live.  I looked forward to one day living here. In fact I chose to live here. But lately I am not so enamored with our area.  I see other locales and wonder if the "grass would be greener" living there.

Is it a case of "familiarity breeds contempt"? In looking at this objectively, some things have changed in the town and its environs but a lot has not.  Of course I have changed. Some lifestyle preferences in the past are different tastes now. 

That being said I was thinking of some people I know who will be temporarily moving to a resort type area, one that is on the water.  I wondered if while they are living and working there, would they avail themselves to the particulars of that area?  Would they take some time to go to the beach as that is the bonus for living there?   

I wondered about myself and where I live?  What is unique to my area?   Do I avail myself to those resources?  Do I appreciate the particulars of living here?  Do I treat the area with excitement as when I first moved here?  Can I view it like a visitor or someone who chooses to come here voluntarily?  

Many times I think we do treat the familiar with contempt.  We no longer are "excited" by it and want to move on to something else, something that will rekindle the "excitement".  Certainly we see that with personal relationships.  Can also be said with professional relationships or even our personal possessions.  Certainly there are times to move on, to rid oneself of baggage or things that we don't need, use or like.  But on many levels I wonder if we just need to change our perspective.  

I have been challenging myself to think of ways to look at my environment with a new and different eye.  Here are some thoughts:

• In my neighborhood:  take a different direction on my walks, engage in community activities (those I haven't done), try a different grocery store or patronize local stores. 
• Be a "tourist" for the day. Discover a new restaurant or museum. Patronize a local school sporting or dramatic event, e.g. (music program, theater, art show)
• Visit local historical society. Find out about the area's history.
• List the positive attributes of the location.  What was the draw initially?
• In my household: Move knick knacks, pictures, decor items.  Try living with less decorative items displayed for a while.  Change the lamps locations or change the wattage in the lamps.
• Use different plates, glassware for meals. Resurrect the use of some long forgotten appliance (juicer or food processor?)
• Sit in a different chair for reading, watching TV, etc.
• Change the intention and/or flow of certain rooms:  e.g. maybe the dining room would better serve as living room, etc.
• Shop my closet. Mix and match items from different seasons, try different color combinations. Resurrect old jewelry.
• Create new outdoor spaces for sitting and gathering. 

When I look at my friends who will be living in a new place, I hope that they use and enjoy the area.  I would feel sad for them if they missed out on a new or different opportunity.   I should view my situation the same.  Wouldn't it be a shame to miss out on an opportunity in my current situation because I was planning and waiting for a future that may or may not happen?

What about you?  How are you in enjoying the moment?  Do you enjoy where you live?  Do you avail yourself of its innate qualities?  How can you change your location perspective?