Planning- Overrated?
People plan. God laughs. So the old adage goes.
Recently I’ve thought about planning. As I have shared before, I am a planner. I have my to-do lists and I like nothing better than to tick the box that I have completed a task. This past winter, we have been orchestrating some home improvement projects on our Cape home. A couple of weeks ago we had scheduled the final arrangements for the projects to be completed. I was to go up to oversee and I had asked my brother to accompany me.
At the same time, I was having a tough time getting my second Covid vaccine appointment. As luck would have it, when I received my first dose, the second dose needed to be scheduled when I was out of town at the Cape. I had seven different workman coming at various times to complete the Cape projects. Some of whom had already been rescheduled due to changes in their schedules. It would be too difficult to change all of them again. Unfortunately, at the mass vaccine site where I had received my first dose, there were no scheduling alternatives other than the one date given.
I could never get hold of anyone for re-scheduling the vaccine. As my four-week window for the vaccination was approaching I was getting a little panicky. Meanwhile, I had travelled south to pick up my brother for our trip. We were to spend the night back at our house and then head up north the next day. During the ride back to our house from his, our car decided to inform us (with the new computer systems it is quite like the head strong computer from A Space Odyssey) that our brakes needed to be checked.
Oh bother, I thought. Just what we need. This is going to back up our schedule. We had to delay our trip so that our accommodating mechanics could squeeze us in and fix the brakes. Being at home on the day that we originally planned to travel, allowed me to look online and see if I could possibly schedule a vaccine dose at the Cape.
Sure enough, I was able to get one. Turns out it was exactly on the date that I would’ve had originally through the mass vaccine center. Exactly four-weeks. When I got the appointment, I started smiling knowing that God had this planned all along. I just needed to trust Him.
If we had not had the brake warning light, I would’ve been in the car and unable to schedule any online appointments. And, if I had received my vaccine after getting home, I would’ve been out of commission for a day or so because I did have a pretty strong reaction to the second vaccine. At the Cape, I had the time to rest and sleep because thankfully, no workman were scheduled on the day following my injection. Perfect timing.
In addition, originally we were to travel home on a specific day so that, on the off-chance, if I did receive notice for scheduling a second vaccine we would be home. Because I already received my second dose while at the Cape, I did not have to be home on any specific day. Two of our workman appointments had to be rescheduled again, for the date that we would’ve been traveling south. When I realized I already had the vaccine and wasn’t pressed for time, I was able to get all the workman rescheduled and so I was able to “tick the boxes” of the items we needed to complete.
Whew. A lot of coordinating but it worked out.
It makes me think of the things about which we are bothered. For me, it is the change in a plan or schedule that sets things off. Many things are like dominoes- this needs to happen before this, and this, etc. When one of the items changes and then another item has to change, I can start to feel panicky and anxious. Or if one of the items doesn’t happen, then everything goes awry.
Or does it?
Looking back, there are many times that because of delays or changes, something better occurs. My two travel delays because of the car, Covid vaccine and workman, all worked out. I have a dear friend who used to say that when she was planning on a project, if it changed or something didn’t work out, many times that unexpected was better than what was originally thought or planned.
Every time I have a change in schedule I have to remind myself of that: the unexpected may be better than the original plan. One would think that I would’ve learned this lesson already. There are countless times when the plan doesn’t happen as originally scheduled. And, you would think that I would have definitely learned this lesson during this Covid time: things change often and sometimes rapidly. Yet, I am continually learning to take a deep breath, let things happen and realize that what will occur might possibly be even better than expected.
What about you? Any experience or stories of delays or changes that amounted to something better or beneficial for you?
Perhaps we need a new adage: People revise plans. God smiles.
Developing Holiday Resilience
In looking up resources on how to be resilient in the face of stress I found an article that discusses five characteristics that are common to resilient people: being positive, focused, flexible, organized, proactive. (An article by Karen S. Dickason, LCSW, CEAP © 2006 Achieve Solutions) Resiliency is the ability to withstand and to recover from adversity.
While none of these characteristics are earth shattering, I think they are helpful reminders especially when the end of the year seems to bring on much stress. I can think of many a holiday occasion when I have regretted my actions, conversations or attitude. I kick myself for not acting with grace under pressure. "Next year...", I declare. The spirit may be willing but my flesh is weak. The characteristics for learning to be resilient can help us learn to change and adapt so that we can withstand adversity, anxiety and stress.
The holiday season can trigger all kinds of adversity- whether that adversity comes from relationships, financial, emotional, spiritual, or physical trials. The subsequent tips in these five areas are exercises to practice in order to develop resilience in our own lives. Just like some people enjoy running while others prefer swimming, these are not absolutes in developing resilience and ability to handle stress. Rather they are ideas that might help spur you on to think of something that works for you as you embrace these five characteristics. The more one practices, the better in handling the variety of stress we find in our lives.
Positive:
Concentrate on becoming better at a new task rather than perfecting it.
Practice using positive “self-talk” phrases, such as “this too shall pass” or “I will only ask myself to do the best I can rather than never to make any mistakes.”
During the holiday season, think about why you are doing what you are doing rather than striving to achieve the "perfect" holiday gathering.
Keep a gratitude journal this season. Begin or end each day with three statements of gratitude. Some days you might only be able to enter " grateful we didn't have a heated discussion over the way the turkey was cooked." Keep a list of daily accomplishments- no matter how small.
Focused:
Visualize yourself as you would like to be (either this holiday season or next year). Put a sign or picture on your bathroom mirror or desk to remind you of your vision. (e.g. enjoy the hubbub during the holidays, not to fight it, be more gracious, etc.)
Set specific short-, medium- and long-range goals for yourself relating to your change initiative. (e.g. will be cordial to Uncle Grumpy at the family dinner, will no longer play the comparison game with family members, will not be part of Facebook highlights of the perfect Christmas.) Base your goals firmly on your personal values.
Ask someone you trust to review your goals and give you feedback and suggestions on how you can further target the steps needed for successfully making the transition through the change. (Perhaps another family member has learned to handle Uncle Grumpy. Ask what worked for him/her)
For this holiday season, focus on one aspect of the season- perhaps relationships. If you find yourself in the midst of a change this season (and some type of adversity) and your family doesn't understand what you are doing, keep affirming and reminding yourself of your successes towards your goal.
Flexible:
Learn to see another side to an issue. Swap sides in a discussion where you disagree with someone—you argue their side and ask them to argue your side. (might be a way to preemptively navigate the annual political discussion at the holiday table)
Put yourself into situations where you need to be flexible. (e.g. Drive a new and unfamiliar route to a store or a friend’s house. Make note of what you see that’s different from your usual route.)
Change one aspect of your holiday- e.g. try a new Thanksgiving recipe, incorporate a new tradition- possibly from a "new" member of your extended family or a friend or neighbor.
Organized:
Purchase and use a day planner. Use it to keep track of your personal and work goals.
Take a few moments to think through and list the key steps you need to take to accomplish a task before you tackle it. (e.g. If you are the one hosting a holiday dinner, start writing out a to-do list of all that you need to do each day before the big day. Delegate where you can)
Put pieces of paperwork and important information in clearly marked files and put them in an accessible place. Good time to regroup especially as the year ends. Start 2018 with organized tax info, health and medical records, etc.
Break down a problem, any problem, into smaller pieces—then tackle the easiest piece first.
Proactive:
Develop plans for managing the worst-case scenario that might result from the change. (Will some of the family be upset and leave the table if you change the menu?)
Practice assessing the risks about a change initiative by listing all of the pros and cons you can think of. Ask yourself: What if...?
For the holiday season, if you anticipate how family members react (based on past history), try to reorganize or control the scenario. (e.g. two family members do not get along- have them visit at separate occasions)
Plan as best you can for the holidays- shopping, card writing, meal planning, parties, holiday shows and concerts- do as much as you can a head of time and in small increments. If things are hectic this year, cut out one or two events. There is no grade or requisite that you have to do any of these things. You can still celebrate the holidays without any of the hoopla and self-imposed deadlines.
What about you? Have you ever employed any of these tactics or characteristics in building resiliency? How did it work out? Are you anxious and stressed about the holidays? What steps can you take this year to reduce that stress? How can you adapt to changes so that you can no only survive but thrive during this season?
Stretched
"Momma said there would be days like this...."
I am stretched. I am sure that you know the feeling; being pulled in one direction and another, trying to meet this need or that demand, having to do so much in so little time.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have found myself stretched almost too thin.
So on Monday as I was attempting to run, the image of stretching came to mind. As I have shared before, I am not a runner, nor do I particularly like the process of running. However, I do like the benefits of running. I have more stamina in tennis (which is the only type of running I like- going after the ball) and I like the feel of my muscles getting tauter and toned. Even two days after my run/walk I can feel my tightened thigh muscles. It makes me feel that I have used them.
But in order to protect myself from injury, I need to properly stretch. If I don't, any movement or carrying that I do, can cause major injury. If I absolutely had to, I might be able to run 5 miles without stretching, but come the next day, I wouldn't be able to walk. It is those times that I am reminded of the preparation needed. I need to gently pull and lengthen my muscles so that they can handle new strains through running or lifting. Stretching gives me flexibility and pliability.
Sometimes life causes us to have to quickly move in our attitudes, our plans or even our physical lifestyle. We may be traveling through life, minding our own business and quite content with how we live our lives. But something may occur that calls us to reevaluate our situation, our beliefs, or our dreams. Some thing or things happen and we are stretched.
It is those moments that are the sudden sprints in our lives. We are forced to move. We may be called to situations for which we are totally unprepared and have no resources. We get caught between one onslaught of bad news to another. We feel like everyone has a piece of us. We are being pulled like Stretch Armstrong.
The thing is, life is all about moving. It is inevitable. I need to be emotionally and mentally prepared to move just like I need to stretch before a run. I have to keep my attitude pliable and my viewpoint flexible. I cannot remain rigid but be open to new possibilities and changes in life circumstances.
I have found that gratitude goes a long way in preparing my stretched mental muscles. I practice what I call mental muscle memory: I reframe the problem/annoyance/disappointment into an opportunity. I remember my blessings. I remind myself how God provided in past times. His past provision helps me handle the future better. After all, at one time, the past was the future and it worked out.
What about you? How flexible are you? Are you pliable? Do you absolutely refuse to go along with a new situation? Do you fight for the status quo? What do you do to remain supple? Are you stretched or stretchable?
Because of this stretching time of my life (getting my dad settled into his new residence, etc.) please bear with me as I may not be as consistent with my M,W,F posts. Sign up to receive the newest posting on the subscribe box below.