There is an Arab-Bedouin tradition called “sulha”, meaning the meal between enemies for the purpose of reconciliation. It is a informal conflict resolution practice that includes four elements: forgiveness, reconciliation, ritual and honor. It is based on the fact that eastern tradition sees a conflict, not as an individual issue but a wider one including whole tribe or family. So it is the whole tribe or family that needs to come together in the resolution. This is done by agreeing upon an elder in the community who will act as mediator and guide the parties through the process. Aseel Al-Ramahi, an advisor to the Chief Justice of Bahrain says, “Whereas westerners know the primacy of law, the Arabs know the primacy of interpersonal relationships."

The whole practice is based on trust, humility and mercy. Trust in the one Jaha or well-respected elder who represents the parties and helps bring the parties to some type of consensus. Humility, since the one who has caused the conflict comes to the table in the spirit of humility and not one of gloating. And mercy. The aggrieved, while having the right to seek revenge, demonstrates the magnanimity of forgiving the other. Because as people living as they do in community, it is important to have interpersonal relationships.

The western tradition with our rugged individualism sees conflict as a perceived problem between one or two people. The problem is solved by one overtaking the other, whether that is through force, political gain or “winning” the debate. There is no consensus. It is an “all or nothing”event. In some ways, it is no wonder we have thrown ourselves into this uncompromising pit with no way out.

I think of Jesus and the many times He taught over a meal, including and especially “the last supper”. It is amazing to me, the fact that the one who betrayed Jesus (Judas) was present at that meal and that Jesus included him in the conversation of communion through the bread and wine. Jesus shows the ultimate in sulha (or peace). Imagine if we knew our mortal enemy was sitting among our group of closest friends. Would we be so magnanimous to include him in our act of love and forgiveness? Jesus, God present on earth, was the epitome of interpersonal relationships. Jesus would do anything, including dying, in order for us to have a relationship with Him. Any animosity that might be between us- namely our sinful animosity towards God- is gone due to Jesus’ ultimate death and resurrection. The thing is, the communion table, the place of sulha has as its wise elder, Jesus. It is only through Jesus that we can have wholeness and peace.

What about you? Would you break bread with an enemy? Have you ever had to do that? What happened?

I wonder in the seemingly increasing climate of hostility in which we live, perhaps we need to start thinking of sulha and the importance of interpersonal relationships over the right to be right. I am wondering what it would look like if we approached those with whom we disagree with a spirit of humility, mercy and grace. If we were willing to sit down, have a meal and let the God in me commune with the God in you.