Enough

Enough. Sufficient. Adequate.

What is enough? For you? For your family? For society?

Ever since our water situation (see June 7, 2023 post) when there wasn’t enough (or any) water coming into our home, I’ve been thinking about resources and what constitutes “enough”. What would be sufficient or adequate for the quality and quantity of resources or items in my life? What is enough?

It also begs the question- what would/should I do with those resources or items that are plenty? Share with others? Many of the world wars have been fought over one country’s desire to have more than enough than its neighbors- more resources, more people under rule, more revenue, and just plainly, more power.

The thing is- there is always enough when one shares. It is part of God’s economics. Plenty of Proverbs in the Old Testament call for the Hebrews to be generous and share: One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:24-25.) I think of Abram giving his nephew Lot “first dibs” in choosing land for their respective, growing households.

But it is more than allowing someone to pick the choicest morsel. It’s the miracle of loaves and fishes. The bounty of nature. The unexplainable economics of tithing.

I am always amazed at the quantity of seeds/flowers/fruit/vegetables that a single plant can produce. While plants are designed to produce a lot in order that the species survives, some plants provide much more than that. Their abundance is not necessarily for their own survival but for those insects/birds/animals surrounding them. And then there are those plants that provide just beauty. I think of the abundance of my hydrangeas at our previous home. Some years, the blooms were prolific. Heavenly. The thing that I learned, it was best to cut them and enjoy the blooms. That way, I could prune/shape the bushes as I enjoyed the flowers and be guaranteed that I wouldn’t inadvertently cut the next year’s set blooms (which can happen if I tried pruning in the spring before the season began). Of course, the hydrangeas being so prolific, I had to share them with others. There was no room in the house otherwise.

A gardening task that is necessary for perennial plants to grow and thrive is to divide them every three to five years. Dividing is a natural sharing. It underscores the health benefits for sharing in general: physical/mental/emotional health as well as community building. The dividends can be placed in other parts of the garden or given to others. The remaining plant has room to grow deeper roots, allows more sunlight and air into the plant and in general will allow it to become even healthier.

If you had any doubt about sharing and/or plants producing enough- look to zucchini. Is there any other plant that keeps on growing and giving like the zucchini? What to do when you the gardener has enough? Give to neighbors, friends, colleagues, etc. (There is an old adage that you cannot out give God but I think the zucchini plant could give Him a run for His money. Or perhaps zucchini is a divine plant?)

When I was a teenager there was a gentleman in our church who shared a home movie about a relative who tried a tithing experiment in the 1940’s: The relative planted wheat and gave a tenth of the yield to the church and then replanted the remaining 90%. He continued this practice for six years, resting on the seventh. He started with 1 cubic inch of wheat kernels- about 360 kernels that were planted in a four by eight feet area. The final crop, six years later, grew in an area of over 2,000 acres. The amount of yield he received with the planted 90% exceeded the expectation of what the amount should’ve yielded. (Click here to see the 1944 Life Magazine article about the tithing experiment.)

It seems to me that the underlying question of enough and sharing is all about control and fear. Think about little kids who have trouble sharing. “Mine” they say. They do not want to relinquish their ____ (fill in the blank- toy, food, blanket, etc.) Or they do not want a portion of what they have to be shared (half a cookie, piece of candy, etc.) Some of the rationale is the fear that the item will not be returned, or that it will get lost or broken. Or what is left will not be enough to satisfy them. If they hold on to item and not share it, they can control what happens to it.

There is really no difference with adults. Can you let go of something and trust that all will be well? That what you have left will be enough? Or that what is shared will be returned, perhaps even in unimaginable ways? Or just be satisfied with what you have? No more? No less?

And we have trouble sharing not just physical items, but what about the intangible- sharing information, ideas, or guidance. Helping the colleague which may give them the leg up for the promotion? Allowing another to take “credit” for your idea? Does the recognition matter as long as the activity/solution/idea comes to fruition? Fear that someone will “get ahead” of us? That we will be left with “nothing”?

What about you? Do you have enough? More than enough? Of what types of items? Tangible? Intangible? How are you with sharing?

I love the idea that King Solomon writes in Proverbs that he (or she) who refreshes others will be refreshed. To be refreshed- I pray that would be enough for me.

Friends

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “ The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Truer words were never spoken.

What does it mean to be a friend? How does one “be one”?

To answer, I think of friends in my life and the lives of others: friends are present, weep when we weep, laugh when we laugh and seek our best. A friend lets us be ourselves and still loves us. In other words, a friend allows us to be authentic, vulnerable and honest. And visa versa.

I was reminded of this in the last couple of months as I have had the opportunity to help different friends with a variety of situations. My involvement wasn’t too arduous yet for the issue at hand, it was needed. I share this, not because of my altruistic wonderful nature (far from it) but that it occurred to me that if my friends hadn’t let me help or hadn’t even told me that they needed help, I wouldn’t have had the joy in being needed and helpful.

I was told, “Thanks for being a good friend.” yet I can counter, “Thank you for letting me be a good friend by sharing your needs.”

It is the balance of give and take. The apostle Paul reminds us “At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality,” (2 Corinthians 8:14). While Paul was talking about physical resources, I think it also applies to our time, energy and commitments in our relationships. Anyone who has been or is in a relationship can attest that there are times when one has more needs or care than another. In healthy relationships it is a back and forth of care and receiving. There are times when the care may appear one-sided but if honest sharing is occurring, the time for reciprocation will occur.

There is the paradox of life that when we give we receive so much more. For some, the act of helping gives a sense of purpose and identity. For others, it is a chance to use gifts and resources. Either way, when we enter into any honest, healthy give-and-take situation, we realize how interconnected we are and how much we need one another. An honest, healthy give-and-take relationship brings perspective to our lives.

I was also reminded of being a good friend in the story of the lame man being lowered through a roof at Jesus’ feet. Jesus was at His home and the crowds kept coming to see, listen and have Him heal their diseases. The house was packed. Four men had carried their lame friend on a pallet/blanket to see Jesus yet because of the packed house there was no way to get inside. So the friends did what all good problem solving groups do- found another way. They dug a hole in the roof and lowered their friend down!

We can only surmise the back story: Was there much discussion among the friends on what to do? Was the lame man so desperate that he orchestrated/pleaded with his friends to do this? Or was he so despondent and depressed with how his life was unfolding, “I will never get better” that his friends decided an intervention was in order? But if the friends hadn’t known exactly what their friend wanted or had the lame man not allowed them to pick him up, his healing and the friends’ joy in being part of it would not have occurred.

In this miracle, the man is healed and restored- physically, spiritually, emotionally. His physical healing would ensure that his fortunes could change. He no longer would need to rely on others for every facet of his life.

While it might seem obvious, there is a vulnerability in being a good friend: one is exposed to others regarding one’s flaws, faults and true nature. For the lame man, that vulnerability is allowing the healing to change his total identity. He is no longer known as the lame “needy” friend. He could, at least through his physical healing be on “equal footing” with his colleagues. His healing changed his reality for his lame lifestyle was what he knew and what others knew about him. There is some comfort in the “known”. His new lifestyle could bring about questions, suspicion and misunderstanding. Many times, whether we want to change or not, we can get in a lifestyle pattern and label: the flighty one, the bossy one, the reliable one, the unreliable one, the needy one, the pessimist, the optimist, etc. It can be awkward and uncomfortable for all parties to learn new roles.

The helper friends were also vulnerable. What if their idea of helping (Let’s bring him to see the healer Jesus) didn’t work? Were any of these friends, well meaning but arrogant? (I know what is best for you) Their method of helping (tearing through a roof) seemed like actions of desperate friends. But were their motives based on their identity as the ones who take care of things? They started out with a plan to take their lame friend to Jesus but when they came up against an obstacle, they subjected themselves to an unconventional, perhaps controversial approach. I am sure that there was an uproar over the destruction of the roof. They were exposed to potential ridicule, anger and disbelief too. Yet, with what they witnessed in bringing their friend to Jesus, they had to have been changed too. No longer could they be labeled friends/caregivers of the “lame” man. They would have to take on a new role.

Being part of a give-and-take relationship is allowing the relationship to change through situations. It is only when we are vulnerable that we are open to growth. Isn’t that the best part of friendship? Growing together through common experiences and growing individually as we learn from those experiences.

What about you? Are you a good friend? What attributes would you add?

How does one, “be one”?