Summer Movies
"Jacobs ladder dangling over her side, the stern of the SS PENDLETON sits forlornly on a sand bar off the coast of Cape Cod. Coast Guardsmen from the Chatham Lifeboat Station overcame mountainous seas to rescue the survivors from this section of the vessel. The survivors climbed down the Jacobs ladder and then dropped into the rescue boat."
Official USCG Photo; ELC 1CGD; photo by Richard C. Kelsey, Chatham, Mass.
As I shared last time, there were two movies that we saw over vacation that we liked: "The Finest Hours" and " St. Vincent". In some ways, both were stories of unwittingly heroic people. One was based on a true story and the other was a story. They were inspirational, encouraging and life affirming.
St. Vincent is the story of a "young boy whose parents have just divorced finds an unlikely friend and mentor in the misanthropic, bawdy, hedonistic war veteran who lives next door." The movie stars Bill Murray, Melissa McCarthy and Naomi Watts. Great acting (the child actor who stars as the young boy is wonderful) and a feel good movie. Reminds me that unlikely heroes are all around us.
"The Finest Hours" is the true story (as only Hollywood calls "true") of the greatest small boat Coast Guard rescue of all time. Four Coast Guard men in a 36 foot Coast Guard motor boat made the daring and miraculous rescue of 32 merchant mariners during a Nor'easter off the coast of Chatham, MA in 1952. The mariners were stranded on the stern section of the SS Pendleton. The Coast Guard men had to navigate through an extremely difficult section of sea (the Chatham bar- area of lots of shoals, shifting sands and where the waves make traversing perilous) We saw the film in Chatham and listened to a brief discussion and Q&A by the author of the book with the same name.
The thing that I find amazing about the rescue- all four men would say that they were just doing their jobs, nothing heroic or extraordinary. In fact, they never wanted to talk about their story. All four men selflessly chose to risk mortal danger in the attempt to rescue others. By all accounts, they never should've made it.
During the Q & A after the film, the author relayed that one of the seaman after leaving the coast guard got a job as a janitor at an elementary school. As the author said, "How many of those people walking past him each day realized that they were in the presence of a true hero?"
Makes me wonder, how many people do I pass each day who have an extraordinary story? Or, in encountering people like the irascible Bill Murray character in St. Vincent, do I write off and think that they have nothing to contribute? Both movies remind me that I need to listen more to the people with whom I come in contact. Both movies remind me that I need to take time to get to know others and to hear their stories. Both movies remind me that I need to be empathetic to those whom I encounter.
What about you? Have you ever encountered someone who had an extraordinary story? Someone who, unless you took the time to listen, is overlooked? What did you learn? How did that person's story inspire and encourage you?
Summer Entertainment
What have you read during your summer? What movies did you watch? Did you go to any shows, plays or concerts?
I did some reading over our vacation. Of course I brought way too many books for the time allotted. But what I did finish were interesting. I also saw a couple of movies. Unfortunately, we did not get to any live plays during our stay. Where we vacation there are a bunch of playhouses- catering to both the amateur and professional actor. The venues are these wonderful and charming old theaters. Very intimate. In the past we have enjoyed patronizing them. Alas, we just couldn't get to do everything this vacation.
My vacation reading list:
"The Greengage Summer" by Rumor Godden. I have always wanted to read one of her books. I found this one at a thrift store. It took me a little bit of time to get into it since the writing style is dated (book published in 1958). It is a coming of age story of an impoverished English girl who spends the summer with her family in France. A situation occurs and the children are basically left unattended in a foreign land. Their observations of the world in which they find themselves is interesting. It is a fun read with an insight into a by-gone world.
"That's Not English" by Erin Moore. A sociology-lite book regarding the differences between British English and American English. Witty and entertaining but not too heavy.
"Rush Oh!" by Shirley Barrett. The fictional story of whaling in New South Wales during the 1910's as seen through the eyes of the whaler's daughter. (The author based the main action on historical facts- the aboriginal method of using killer whales to help the whalers and the main whaler character) Very funny in spots with a host of eccentric characters. An unusual and unpredictable story. Some criticisms- was a little disappointed in the ending and the foreshadowing throughout the book was disrupting to the flow of the story.
"Short Novels of Colette". I have heard so much about the famous French author so I thought I should read some of her stories. I was very disappointed and only read two of the short stories, "Cherie and The Last of Cherie". I might have had difficulty since this is a book very much of its time. The various stories were first published in the late 1920's, early 1930's. I did not find any redeemable or likable characters in these two short stories. I also had difficulty understanding the dialogue- who was speaking, to whom and about what? Perhaps it was the translation and if I could/would read it in French would I then understand? I might go back and try the rest of the short stories, but then again, life is too short and there are too many books to read that I want to read. (I have found that when a literary book has a long and glowing introduction that needs to explain the book that is to follow, it is generally a dog of a story.)
Books I haven't gotten to yet:
"Between the World and Me" by Ta-Nehisi Coates. My husband and son read this book while on vacation. My turn next. It is essentially a letter from the author to his son explaining his take of race in the world.
"The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got That Way" by Bill Bryson. My husband is reading it currently. We always enjoy Bill Bryson's work. Witty, informational and well written.
"The Art of Grace" by Sarah L. Kaufman. From the book jacket, " Humanity at its finest is merely what Sarah Kaufman is offering in the inspiring, uplifting book, and we could all us a bit more of that in our lives."
The movies that we saw:
- "The Finest Hours"- I will blog about this movie and the following one in a later post.
- "St. Vincent"- (See above comment)
- "Captain America: Civil War"- Latest installment in the Marvel franchise. As with all sequels, most of the movie is the perpetual set-up of the next movie. One could possibly have a post movie discussion regarding the role of freedom and authority yet it seems as if the writers put those ideas in the trailer in order to make this movie seem loftier than it is. It is just a fun film to see and hear Robert Downey Jr's sarcastic quips.
- "The Guest"- Could have been so much better with a little more tweaking of the screenplay. Only thing good about the film- fun to see Dan Stevens (of Downtown Abbey's Matthew Crowley fame) in a totally different role and with an American accent.
What about you? What has been your summer entertainment? Read or see anything that was amusing, life changing, entertaining, sad, touching?
Re-Entry
How are you in coming back from vacations? Ready to get back home? Anxious about what awaits you or what you will find? Sad to leave the vacation environment? Ready for a vacation from the vacation? Rested, rejuvenated and ready for action?
I have experienced all those emotions after various vacations. Over the years I have found the best way to come back from a vacation is to plan for the re-entry. It might make the preparation for the vacation a little more hectic, but it is worth it. Vacations are a natural break in our daily lives. We can clearly distinguish "what we did before vacation" and "what we will do after vacation". Coming back with a 're-entry" plan helps make the transition back to normal a little bit easier.
I like to leave with the house clean and in order and to finish any projects on which I was working. Turns out I am not the only neurotic one. In the last Real Simple magazine they asked readers what they do to help ease back into reality after vacation. Here are some of the suggestions:
- End a vacation on a Friday or take an extra day off so that one has an extra day to do laundry, get groceries and plan for the upcoming work week.
- Either do laundry before one comes home or put the dirty laundry in a separate bag so that starting the laundry is easy. (I generally do a load almost immediately on coming home, while I am putting away the other things from my luggage.)
- Set a vacation picture on your computer desktop.
- Have a prepared meal frozen, ready for when you come back. Ask a friend or neighbor to thaw the meal in the refrigerator the day before you are coming home.
- Have a "gift box" from vacation sent to you. During your vacation, collect local artwork, postcards and other vacation memorabilia and have it sent to you at home a day or so after you get back.
- Have a neighbor or friend stock your fridge with perishable essentials- milk, bread, fruit, eggs, etc. so that you have breakfast food the first morning back and don't have to rush right out to the store.
When I was a kid, my grandmother always had our family over for a light supper the day we returned from our vacation. It was a way to catch up and see her but it also (now that I am an adult and recognize such things) a wonderful gift for my mom in helping her ease back from vacation into daily life. Gram would also put items in our fridge for the next morning breakfast.
The tradition was handed down to my mom who would stock our fridge on our returning home from vacation. We carried the tradition on with my in-laws. When they would go out of town on golf trips, we would have them over for dinner when they got back and stocked their fridge with food. So too did they reciprocate to us.
Times have changed. My father-in-law died three years ago. My mother-in-law doesn't drive and doesn't live around the corner any more. No more will I see the my mom's infamous notes in her beautiful handwriting telling me that there are eggs and milk in the fridge and bananas and zucchini bread on the counter.
What about you? What can you do to make your "re-entry" into reality easier? How can you make it easier for someone else? A neighbor, friend or relative?
Words Matter
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." ~ Children's playground chant.
On the news there was a brief announcement on the crack down of the journalists in Turkey. After the coup on July 15th, they have been shutting down at least 45 newspapers and 16 TV stations.
Makes me think of something Madeleine L'Engle wrote. On her passport she had writer listed as her occupation. One time she had the opportunity to travel to the Soviet Union and was denied access due to her profession. At that time, anyone who could possibly intellectually challenge the citizens of the state by having them independently think was a threat to the society.
For all our worry about physical threats, it is our words that should be our concern. It is a false statement that names will never hurt us. They do. What we say, when we say it and how we say it are vital. It can make the difference between encouragement or discouragement, an opportunity or a challenge, or even life or death.
Freedom of speech should never be taken for granted and should always be protected. Books, newspapers, and articles should never be censored even if we don't like what is found in them.
But if we are the author of the words we should take care. What we say does matter. Our freedom of speech means we have a responsibility not to unduly provoke or hurt others. We should use our words to encourage and uplift one another. To help expand one's thought processes and horizons. To be a blessing with our words, not a curse.
Ah, if only our politicians felt that way.
What about you? Have you ever been hurt by someone's words? Have you ever hurt someone with your words? How can you take care in your speech? Wait some time before responding to an email or phone call? Have words ever provoked you to action? What were some life-changing words that you might have read or heard?
Words matter. Thanks goodness they do.
An Hour a Day Keeps the Doctor Away (or at least some chronic illnesses)
The other week there was a new study from the Norwegian School of Sports Sciences stating that one should exercise 60 minutes for every 8 hours of sitting. In exercising we help stave off or reduce the risk of some chronic diseases such as cardiovascular disease or type 2 diabetes and metabolic syndrome. This is another study to suggest that we need more exercise than previously suggested. In the past, the American Heart Association touted 30 minutes a day while the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have suggested 150 minutes a week.
While it recommends more daily exercise it still acceptable to break those 60 minutes into smaller chunks of time. In some ways that makes sense. If we are truly building movement into our daily lives we cannot compartmentalize it into a set time like we do for attending a meeting or concert. For some that might work, but for the rest of us we need to not think or plan our "exercise". We need to do it as a matter of course throughout or day.
I have found that I need to break up my work day with ten minute increments of moving. It might be taking a short walk around the block, going up and down the stairs, or doing some stretching of my back and arms. Recently I put some small weights in my office. When I get stuck in my writing I like to take a break from the computer. I do some arm exercises to strengthen my triceps. I find that I am still thinking of what I need to write or do but that movement helps get the blood flow moving.
Some other ideas for 10 minute increment exercise:
- Take a lap or two around your office floor. If you have to talk to a colleague ask if he/she might want to join you for a walking meeting.
- Walk around your office parking lot or neighborhood during lunch time.
- Use the stairs instead of the elevator. If your office is on a top floor, take the elevator up halfway and then walk the steps for the remainder floors.
- If reading an article online, try standing up and marching in place while reading.
- During TV commercial breaks, do sit-ups, jumping jacks, jog in place or seated leg lifts.
- Walk to the convenience store when you need a paper or milk.
What about you? Have you ever assessed how much movement you get in a day or a week? What prevents you? What are some small ten minute "exercises" you can do?
Quotes
As I have posted before, I love quotes. I love the turn of a phrase and the order of words. In one of my forays at a library book sale I purchased a small volume, "The Change-Your-Life Quote Book" compiled by Allen Klein. Below are some of the ones that stood out to me:
"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." ~Henry Ford
"To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have." ~Ken Keyes, Jr.
"Count your blessings, not your crosses, Count your gains, not your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes, Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your health, not your wealth." ~Old Proverb
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." ~ Mark Twain
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." ~ John Wooden
"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." ~Wayne Gretzky
"You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." ~ Dale Carnegie
What words of encouragement or appreciation can you bestow on someone today?
Tidying Up
l love the word tidying. It sounds so cute, so benign, so Goldilocks-ish. It is a word that explains what you want to accomplish and how you go about it. It evokes an activity that is not too strenuous nor too ineffective. It is just right.
There was a very interesting article in The New York Times Magazine about the author, Marie Kondo and her book, "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up". Seems that Ms. Kondo has quite a following of people who swear by her methods. Her whole premise is that the items in your household and eventually in one's life should bring you joy.
Like so many ideas that abound, this is nothing new. As I have posted before, the 18th Century English textile designer William Morris felt that one should have only beautiful and useful items in one's home. Basically, only have things which bring you joy. It makes sense that in order to appreciate those beautiful and useful things you have to be able to see and find them. In essence, have a neat and tidy place. But as with all things that seem simple, it is very hard to achieve.
There are a myriad of books on the market about getting organized. There are a ton of organizational tools and systems. They all are a means to the end- getting rid of items in your life that take up valuable space, time and resources. What isn't necessarily mentioned in any of these processes is that in order to get rid of anything you have to sacrifice it. You have to make a choice to remove the said item from your midst. I think there is the rub. We cling to our things. We want it all. Even if something is not useful or beneficial we still want it around, "just in case."
It is not only physical items. We hold on to emotional baggage and mental images that only clutter our lives. For nothing less than to show that we have/had something-an emotional draining relationship, a self-pity party or a poorly acted upon decision. It is almost as if we have to tightly grasp these situations to prove that we exist. Even if it was/is harmful to our psyche, it was/is something nonetheless.
I know for me, it is until things get to the point that I cannot stand the clutter that I will then be ruthless. It is then that I say, "this needs to go". Of course, everyone in our household has a different tolerance point of when things need to go and there too can be the rub.
That's why I like the word tidy. It seems doable. I can work on the emotional, relational, and physical stuff that is cluttering my life. I don't have to do it all in one day. Tidying seems to be a word that is done in smaller increments. I think, "I can talk to that person and straighten out one of our issues." "I can let go and remove the worry scenario replaying in my mind." "I can tidy my office today and start on the corner of my basement tomorrow."
What about you? Do you have a tidy life? What do you do when things get messy? Does the clutter bother you? At what point do you say, "this needs to go"? Do you even notice clutter in your life? What is your method for tidying up?
Taylor Swift- We Need a Hero
Confession time. I have been interested. Nope, let's be honest, I have been obsessed with the Taylor Swift/Tom Hiddleston romance that has unfolded over the internet this summer. Not only the romance, but also the publicity war over lyrics to a song by Kanye West. Who knows what is the exact truth to any of the "reports" (mostly made up stories) on the internet.
But what has struck me is the passion with which people write or comment about this woman and her personal and professional life. One would think that those who are commenting had personally been affected by the star's behavior. Granted, we are in an age and she is of the age when self-disclosure and self-promotion are the norm. It is very rare when people do their jobs quietly without a tweet, Instagram posting or snapchat. I am learning that in just doing this blog and writing in general, it is expected that I self-promote. As an editor pointed out to me, we are in the age of social media. Social network means having to be social- one has to disclose and share.
But there seems to be a yearning for someone to arise from the smoldering ashes of our volatile society. Someone who seems above the fray. Someone who doesn't stoop to another's level, who behaves in a decent way and who is humble. Almost by definition, the person who behaves in that matter is not going to be splashed all over the internet. Short of that, we want someone who portrays the qualities of niceness, goodness, and honesty, but also who is strong, smart and looks pleasing to the eye. In essence, we are looking for a hero.
The thing is when we look for a human hero, we are greatly disappointed.
Perfect as someone might try to be eventually they will fail. The higher we place someone on a pedestal the farther they fall. The taller someone sits on his high horse, the greater the distance to the ground. We become disenchanted so quickly. When someone doesn't behave in the manner we think their persona should do, or doesn't do, say or give us the thing that we want, we are quick to label, name call and vilify those that "hurt" us. Seems silly when most of the time we don't even know the person.
We do this all the time with celebrities and politicians. I think we also do it in a lesser degree with our own personal interactions. Generally it is with people we only know superficially and so we go by what we see- the neighbor with the beautifully maintained yard, the immaculately dressed and always prepared co-worker, the smiling parents on the soccer sidelines or the "everything is fine" parishioner . We go through the mental exercises of thinking so and so is perfect, "everything always works out for them", and when we hear or see a crack in their perfect veneer we are quick to help widen that crack through our words, "I am not surprised that they had trouble with (fill in the blank) ...", or with our thoughts, "I might have my issues but at least I don't have (fill in the blank) ....". We place that person in a ladder comparison game with us pushing the other down the rungs while trying to move up by our own smugness. Ultimately it is a game in which no one wins since the ladder isn't stable to begin with.
The only way to stop the comparisons, to remove the pedestals and to stable the high horse is to replace it with grace and mercy. Ironically our "hero worshipping" should prove to us that people will let us down, that we cannot assume anyone is perfect and that we need to dispense grace to others just like we need grace. Every online story about a celebrity should remind us that we too have our own issues.
We all have fallen short of where we need to be in God's eyes. And there is nothing we can do about it. We cannot do enough good works, rule following or perfect behavior. Yet in the compassionate nature of God, He has provided a way that we can be right in His eyes. We can do the simple act of believing that there is a true hero, a savior who walked among us and who rescued us from not only original sin but from our judgmental, hypocritical, individually sinful selves. When we place our trust and faith in Him we will never be disappointed.
What about you? Who is your hero? Have you ever been enamored by someone you only to discover they were not what you thought? Have you ever been disappointed by the behavior of others? Have you ever been disappointed by your own behavior? Do you need to dispense grace to others? To yourself? Do you need The Hero in your life?
Restful Reflections
I am looking forward to our vacation this year. We have the privilege to go away to our beloved Cape Cod. And I do recognize that it is a privilege. Not everyone gets to go on a vacation.
The thing that I love about going away is the preparation and anticipation of a time when things are not part of our normal routine. We have time to sleep in, to have uninterrupted conversations, to spend time as a family, to have time to think and to dream.
The only thing is that in my preparation I almost always overestimate the amount of time we have away. Just like I overestimate a room's dimensions in my mind's eye especially in planning furniture arrangement, I think that we will have loads of time to bike, play tennis, go to the beach, kayak, canoe, stroll down town, attend a local play, go out to dinner, watch the stars on our lovely deck, sightsee in Boston or a neighboring town, visit one of the Islands, read the dozen or so packed books, mentally prepare for the fall and its activities. Phew! Just listing all the things that I think we might accomplish is exhausting and goes to show that I need a restful vacation with no agenda.
So, I have decided to just let the vacation unfold as it will. Sure, we have our bags packed with our books, tennis rackets, bike and beach gear but there is no pressure if we don't use all of it. I am giving myself permission to have a complete break if I want. The important thing is that I am going to try and be mindful and enjoy each moment.
While the preparation and anticipation is fun for me, the real joy comes with the actuality of the life lived focused on the present.
What about you? Do you have vacation plans this year? What types of vacation do you take? Are you good at just chilling out or do you have a hard time turning off the "to do" list? How can you focus on the present, whether that is during a vacation or your normal week?
The Smallest Thing
Yesterday as I was mowing the lawn I came to an impasse. Try as I might I could not get the mower to move forward and the blades to turn.
We belong to the small subset of home owners who choose to use a push mower for cutting their lawn. It is true that a gasoline powered mower does cut the grass with a cleaner look. Since we don't subscribe to the weedless, movie set green grass lawn, the push mower is fine. Using the mower gives us a nice little workout, doesn't emit any carbon and it tucks in nicely into a corner of our shed.
As I was trying to push the mower forward I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was holding it up. I stopped, looked over the blade, tried turning it the other direction but to no avail. It was only when I turned the mower on its side did I notice a small piece of mulch wedged between one of the blades and the safety cross piece on the bottom. That little dickens of wood was holding up all the blades from turning.
Had me wondering what little things in my life impede me from moving forward? Are there small habits, seemingly harmless friendships or activities that are keeping me in a stand still? Are there well intended activities that are just in the wrong context or wrong timing? Are they items that I don't even notice but just wonder why I can't move on?
Mulch is a good thing. It helps with water retention, weed control and overall makes a garden seemed finished. It is just that when it is not in its proper place in the garden bed but instead is on the lawn then there is potential for just what happened; it gets tossed up in the blades and can jam the mower.
Lately I have been wondering why I cannot move forward with a certain writing project. In the past I was moving along with great speed but now I feel that every turn, every movement and every attempt to push along with it is met with resistance. I need to remind myself to stop, assess what is impeding my process, remove the obstacle and continue along.
What about you? Do you find yourself not being able to move forward in a situation? Is there something preventing you from just beginning? Or have you come to a complete stop in the middle? Have you checked it from all sides- does the impediment come from you or an outside source? Is it something that you can remove? Is it something that you need to avoid?
Sometimes the smallest thing can be the biggest blockage to accomplishment.
Sensitive Eyes
A while back I was in the eye doctor's office and I overheard another waiting patient say, " I can't look at that. I have sensitive eyes."
Under my breath I did one of those guffaws. You know the type when something you heard strikes you as funny. Generally it is not funny to the person who said it. In this case, the speaker must have heard my snort and looked over at me with a glare.
I know the person was saying it in context of physically looking at something- like a bright light but I took it to mean more like a sensitive soul. I was imagining a bad theater production where the speaker would gesture with a hand thrust forward like stopping a car, "Oh no" she would declare, shaking her head and tossing behind her in a gesture of resisting temptation, " I couldn't possibly look at that. I have sensitive eyes."
In that context what would constitute sensitive eyes? Things that harm our soul? Pictures of violence, hatred, discord? Pictures of broken bones, shattered lives, crippled limbs? Should we close our eyes to that or should we be outraged?
I think of sensitive eyes as being in tune and watchful. If I have sensitive eyes do I look upon others with compassion? With understanding? With love? Do the upsetting things spur me to take action? Can I see the good among the bad?
May God give me sensitive eyes.
What about you? What type of eyes do you have?
What's For Dinner?
Do those three words mean anything to you? Are you the primary cook/meal planner in your family? In our household, the role of cooking falls mainly to me. All of the men in the household are good cooks and do cook occasionally. It just is more efficient and suits my skill set better for me to be the main planner.
Yet those words strike panic and anxiety in my belly. If I haven't planned anything for the evening meal by the time dinner comes around I have to fight with myself to choose the best option for fixing something healthy and budget friendly. If left to my own devices I either want to:
a) grab some snacky type of things e.g. crackers and cheese Which is not a healthy choice in the long run.
b) order something out- some days it doesn't matter what it is, just so long as I don't have to fix it Which is not a smart financial choice.
c) not eat at all. Which is not an option when modeling good habits to your family or when the others in the household have Hummingbird metabolisms (As an aside, Hummingbirds can eat 1.5-3 times their body weight a day.)
While I love to cook and I love to try new recipes, I find that the day in and day out of shopping, cooking and eating sometimes gets to be a chore. I am a DIY type of gal but if I ever win the lottery (which technically I can't because I don't gamble) I would hire a chef.
Short of that, sometimes I need some new recipes and ideas for dinner. I find that especially so in the summer when I don't want to heat up the kitchen, chow down with anything too heavy or have to take too long in the preparation department. Seems like this summer we are dining "continental" more days than not as we are trying to make use of the daylight and are playing a lot of evening tennis.
Try as I might, I am having a hard time planning my menus this summer. I decided to give myself permission this season not to stress too much about it. I find that I might use some "prepared" food from the grocery store to help simplify the process. I can add rotisserie chicken to salads, pita bread, pasta or eat it solo.
Click here for some recipe ideas. Or here.
I find that just looking at different websites I can get some great ideas. I might not follow the recipe exactly (or as my son will say, I never follow the recipe exactly) but I try to use up what is in my fridge, pantry or veggies from the garden.
Our one default recipe is to saute whatever veg and herb we have in the crisper,( e.g. zucchini, tomatoes, squash, corn, onion, garlic), add some beans (e.g. garbanzo or cannellini beans), feta cheese and top with grated parmesan and fresh basil and serve over pasta. (to add a little "moisture" I'll reserve some of the pasta liquid, or use chicken stock or olive oil to put over the pasta and veggies. I'll cut up a fruit salad (whatever we have on hand- peaches, strawberries, blueberries, honeydew, watermelon) and may or may not serve with bread.
What about you? Are you a grill master? Do you love summer time cooking? Do you get anxious about meal preparations? What is one of your favorite recipes? What are some of your default options when you don't want to cook?
What's for dinner at your house?
One man's weed...
Lo and behold. I didn't need to go to NYC to find $5 asters. I had them in my garden all along.
In NYC, one sees it all. On our latest trip we walked through a farmers' market in Union Square. They were selling the usual- fruits, veggies, organic beef, cheese and flowers. At the flower stall there were lovely bunches of gladiolus, zinnias and a small container of "Asters, $5 a bunch". I did a double take when I saw the asters. They looked like the weeds that are growing in one of my gardens. I had been meaning to pull it but haven't yet.
Just goes to show you- what one person calls a weed, another calls a bouquet.
Guess that is true to life. What one person deems necessary another calls frivolous. What one person calls beliefs another calls lunacy. What one person calls a problem another calls an opportunity.
What the asters remind me is that I should always try and maintain a different perspective. They are a reminder that there are always two, possibly more sides to a situation, problem or story. Sometimes it takes a different view to look upon something with fresh eyes and to see a different value.
I have decided not to pull up those asters and see if they spread. In checking my Stokes Nature Guides: A Guide to Enjoying Wild Flowers book there is a whole section on asters. The name comes from the Greek word, "star" and they are part of the Composite family. In my eagerness to pull them out, I didn't even research or find out any more information about these so-called "weeds". I am glad that I payed attention. I just might just get a lovely and unexpected bouquet out of them.
What about you? Are you seeing a situation, problem or story with the same set of eyes? Do you need a new perspective to bring a different value to it? Do you need some more information before you make a judgement? What are the opportunities in your challenges? How can you rethink the weeds in your life? Are there weeds in your life that are bouquets in someone else's?
WE ARE All .... HERE
This past week I spent the day in New York with our one son. We had a fun day poking around in consignment shops, bookstores and areas in the city where we hadn't spent much time before. Walking down one of the streets there was a large sign affixed to a church wall. It read "We are Orlando."
The sign made me think of a story I had recently read about Master Sgt. Roddie Edmonds. Master Sgt. Edmonds was a non-commissioned officer in the US Army during WWII. He and his men were in the Battle of the Bulge and were taken prisoners. At one of the Stalags, the prisoners were told that the Jewish POWs were to fall out to be counted. When the time came, all 1,275 prisoners stood together in formation. As the highest ranking officer in the camp, Master Sgt. Edmonds was the one in front. The commandant was furious. He came over to Edmonds and yelled at him, "You can't all be Jews." Edmonds looked at him and said, "We are all Jews here." The commandant took his gun, pointed at Edmonds' head and demanded that Edmonds tell him who were the Jews or he would shoot Edmonds. Edmonds replied, "According to the Geneva Convention, we are only required to give our name, rank and serial number. If you shoot me, you will have to shoot all of us and when we win this war, you will be tried for war crimes." (Read more about his story)
His son knew his father had a harrowing war experience but never knew the entire story. It was only after his dad's death, going through old diaries that he started putting the pieces together. He discovered his dad's name referenced in a New York Times article about Richard Nixon trying to buy an apartment in New York after he had resigned and left office. The article spoke of Lester Tanner, a lifelong Democrat who in hearing about Nixon's predicament, sold him his Manhattan townhouse. Even though Mr. Tanner did not share Nixon's political beliefs, Tanner believed that a person should not be blackballed like that.
Mr. Tanner had served in the Army with Master Sgt. Edmonds and had witnessed Edmonds' bravery. Because of it, Mr. Tanner said that he decided that for the rest of his life he would always do the right thing.
In the wake of the horrible tragedies of Baton Rouge, Orlando, Nice, Dallas (the list seems to go on and on) I wonder if we can remember that we are all humans here. By the grace of God go all of us. At any one moment, a certain group can be singled out. Isn't that what those who are intent on doing harm want to do? Cull the group? Pick on the most vulnerable? Force each other to turn on one another?
We need to stand shoulder to shoulder against the forces of evil, prejudice, and hate. We need to decide to do the right thing and not allow this divisiveness to wedge and split our society. We need to be wiling to speak out when injustice occurs. We need to be willing to work together with those with whom we disagree. We need to be willing to listen to one another. We need to have the courage to say to those who are intent on harm, this is the wrong way to go about getting your point across. We need to have the mindset of Master Sgt, Edmonds that we are all one here.
I have never been in a life or death situation where my beliefs have been called into question. I pray that if I ever did I would do the right thing. But every day I do have the choice whether I will treat the person who doesn't look, speak or think like I do, with respect, dignity and love.
What about you? What choices do you have to make?
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". ~Edmund Burke
Nipping the Buds
Pokeberries. Seems as if I have a cash crop of the plant this year. Every where I turn in the garden I see the little seedlings poking their heads up. I cannot even tell you the number of small plants I have pulled thus far.
The sad thing is I know that I haven't gotten nearly all of them. Before I know it, the plant will be so developed that it will have a tap root that makes it almost impossible to pull. Once established if I try to pull a plant out, I have to wade into the garden, squat down directly over the plant, place both hands, one over top of the other near the base of the root and pull with all my might. Generally it results with me rocking and then falling backwards on my bottom with a broken off base and the root in terra firma. I can't even disturb the dirt.
If I pull the pokeberries when the leaves are small, I can lean into the garden and over the plant. I don't even have to be that close. Sometimes if I spot a plant in the back of the garden I will have to lean in so far that I am balancing on one leg while keeping the other outstretched behind me (imagine a very clumsy ballerina dressed in mud stained khakis, bleached splattered t-shirt and green wellies) In using one hand, I will grab hold of the plant from the top and gently pull. The plant plus roots comes cleanly and smoothly out of the ground. Voila. One less pokeberry.
But I have to be diligent in looking for these weeds. I can spend hours weeding in one particular spot almost 100% guaranteed that I have pulled all the weeds and wouldn't you know, I blink and there are a bunch of pokeberries hiding behind my perennials. They are prolific.
Pokeberries remind me of bad habits: those little annoyances that at first don't seem too bad but before you know it, they are firmly entrenched into your lifestyle. In fact, they might even be camouflaged as not so bad habits. Yet, once they take root in your life they are a bear to eliminate. The bad habits seems to spread to others and they pop up every where you look.
Each year I vow to be more diligent in eliminating these weeds. I don't like using any chemical sprays as I believe there are more long term effects to nature so I rely on hand weeding. This year I think I am on top of it but I know come August I will see the pocked marked purple cluster of berries somewhere in the garden. But, I also have fewer than last year.
What about you? Do you have any bad habits have developed into problems? What could you have done to prevent it? Or could you? Is it a matter of saying no to something or saying yes to something else? Are you procrastinating doing something? What happens the longer you let it go? Does it develop into a bigger problem? Does it go away?
Of course to the birds the pokeberries are just fine. As analogies go, some "bad" habits might not be bad in another context. It might take some reflection to see if there are any habits that are creeping in and preventing you from achieving your goals: to honestly reflect if they are bad or is there something unexpectedly good about them. If you determine that they are hindering you, you might want to think about strategies to nip it in the bud. Pull out those pokeberries when they are easy rather than hard.
Tennis Lessons
Do you ever have a reoccurring discussion in your head? You know, the one that plays on repeat- "You are not good enough; You'll never achieve thus and such; You should've done this; You screwed up on that; How come you can't do...?"
Turns out, we are not alone. Serena Williams the 2016 women's Wimbledon champion has had similar thoughts. She had a couple of years where she was in the top rankings but just couldn't get a Grand Slam win. During this time Williams states, "I had to start looking at positives, not focusing on that one loss per tournament which really isn't bad,,, Once I started focusing more on the positives, I realized that I'm pretty good."
Huh? She says that she is pretty good? I would say she's more than that with her winning 22 major tennis titles. But still she has/had her own demons.
From her losses at the Australian and French Opens, she said that she "learned that you can't win everything, even though I try really hard. I do the best that I can. I still am not going to be perfect."
Life seems to be made up more of our failures rather than our successes. Or at least that is how we think and that is how we think others, think. In actuality we probably have just as many successes as losses, albeit small ones, but successes nonetheless. We are "pretty good" when we just do the best that we can.
There are times when our negative thoughts loop over and over in our brains. It paralyzes us from moving forward. We can get so caught up with our failure to achieve perfection, that we miss the accomplishments that occur while striving for excellence. In our own way, we become like Serena and her quest for a Grand Slam tournament, almost achieving our goals but not quite.
What to do about it? A couple of days before I read the article describing Serena Williams' new mind set, I was thinking about my own situation and my slump of not moving forward. I thought that I need to practice some type of strategy to stop this negative cycle of thinking. I remembered reading a tip: For every negative thought, state three positives. Don't even let the negative thoughts take hold in one's mind. Try to banish them with three positives right away.
What about you? Do you ever play the negative thoughts record? How do you stop? Can you stop? Do you not even start? What in your life is "pretty good"? Write those down for future positive comments. If you haven't achieved a big goal, what smaller ones have you done? Is it getting out of bed this morning? Depending upon your situation that can be pretty good. You might not have won any "titles", but have you gotten close?
If for nothing else, can you see your negative situation as a teachable example for someone else? Sometimes our failures are the inspiration and encouragement that someone else needs.
Universal Precautions
Once again as a nation we are reeling from the destruction from guns and the misconstrued notion of what it means to agree to disagree. We all talk about stopping the insanity yet we seem to be powerless to do anything about it. I think deep down we want someone else to fix our social ills when really each one of us needs to take responsibility for the problem of hatred, violence and de-humanization of those whom we deem "different" from us. Whether we like it or not, we are called into community with each other. We need each other for our own survival and certainly for the survival of our nation.
Sometimes I wonder if some of our problem lies with the words that we choose to describe ourselves: black, white, hispanic, LGBT, liberal, conservative. Sometimes I wonder if in our quest to be equal and diverse we have only focused on the diverse, which can lead (and has led) to division. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps the simplest solutions might be the most complex to achieve.
When I was in nursing school, the AIDS epidemic was just beginning. There wasn't much information on how to treat and care for those with AIDS. However, it was known that the pathogen was blood borne and so there needed to be precautions in place for the caregivers.
I remember many a discussion with fellow students about the disease, the known transmission, and the care and treatment of those with HIV and AIDS. I do remember a very heated and lively discussion with one student who was very opinionated about his feelings towards the lifestyle of people with AIDS. Underlying his strong comments was a vein of fear and misunderstanding.
At that point there was a difference in treating and handling AIDS patients than with "regular" patients. For example, one didn't need to wear gloves for drawing blood with "regular" patients but did for those with AIDS. Eventually It was determined that all patients should be treated in the same manner, that hospital and medical personnel would wear protective equipment (gloves, face shield, etc.) for any procedure that was at risk for exposure to bodily fluids. No longer would assumptions be made. No longer would anyone else be able to tell the difference among patients by the way the staff were treating them. From the idea of universal- everyone the same- precautions it is now called standard precautions. No longer is there any thought based on the type of patient about how one handles personal protective equipment. It is just done for all. Standard.
I wonder if we can begin to end this fear and hatred of diverse people by stop drawing attention to our divisions and instead looking at our similarities. Can we look at people as people- universal and not as red or blue or black or white? Can we see that all people want respect, recognition and a sense of purpose? Can we be open to law enforcement and government recognizing that there might be a better way for them to do their jobs? Can we finally admit that we cannot fix the problem through violence? Can we go beyond our prejudices, our assumptions and our fears? Can we see others as sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, friends- people who are loved and who love in return? Can we just see people, no labels or demographic descriptions, as a matter of course? Can it be done for all? Standard.
All lives matter- no matter the color, creed, religion or profession.
Let It Be, Let It Bloom...
See the comparisons: The bush in the foreground was one I trimmed back and removed the dead leaves and brown stems. The bush in the background I did not- in fact I did nothing to that bush. You can see with which one I had to tinker and which one that I l"et it be and let it bloom."
My hydrangeas are coming along this year. Not as many blooms as last but still have some nonetheless. I didn't think we would have any. We had an unusual spring which caused a concern in our area that the hydrangeas were ruined. We had had a cold snap after the bushes started leafing out and with the frigid temperatures, those early leaves turned brown and shriveled up. On almost all of the branches the leaves didn't arrive and so the bushes looked a mess, just brown twigs sticking out of a few green and brown leaves.
Many of my neighbors were concerned and worried that their bushes were dead. They were panicking to do something about it: should we cut off the old twigs, pluck off the browned leaves, pull the bushes out?
O ye (me) of little faith. My experience is that hydrangeas are quite hardy. The bushes I have were all taken from cuttings of good New England stock. At least that is what I initially said. I should've left well enough alone and listened to my own advice.
After hearing my neighbors talk and seeing how they had "cleaned up" their bushes, I panicked too. I started looking at my bushes with the dead leaves and instead of seeing the growth process, I envisioned dead bushes. I thought I had better clean up the plants by cutting back the twigs. For a time being the bushes looked okay but now when they should be in bloom and all the others that I didn't touch are, I am upset with myself. Why did I mess with them? I succumbed to peer pressure and didn't go with my gut instinct.
In some ways, no harm, no foul. The bushes will come back in full bloom next year. But they are a physical reminder to me that I shouldn't get so caught up with what others are doing and saying. I need to trust my own instinct. I also should remember that most of life is for the long haul, not the temporary and short-lived experiences. So by cutting a little "dead" wood now and not allowing the branch to come back on its own and on its own time, I have missed out on a better bloom.
What about you? Have you ever succumbed to a trend or fad? Have you ever listened and then done, what others were doing? How did it work out? Have you ever trusted your own instincts regardless of others? Have you ever just let something be?
A Passionate Life
Back page of this Sunday's SundayStyles in The New York Times. Almost the entire section, all 22 pages were dedicated to articles or tributes to Bill.
For many years, every Sunday I looked forward to looking at Bill Cunningham's column in The New York Times. In fact, I skipped the front page, the sports page and headed straight to SundayStyles and Bill's photos.
Bill Cunningham was a fashion and society photographer for the New York Times. He was working up until his death two weeks ago at the age of 87. He had two regular spots in the Style section: one a photo montage of what the average person on the street was wearing and another showing the various attendees, famous or not, to galas and events around the city.
His photos are great but what always captivated me was the man: so humble, honest, focused, gracious, hard working and passionate about what he did. He was a purist for art and beauty. He was never concerned about celebrity or photos for money. He just loved fashion and loved recording it. (If you get a chance, watch the 2011 documentary on him, Bill Cunningham New York)
In an interview last fall, when asked about his current age (and the implication of why he is still working), he said he didn't think about age because that was not the important thing, "the important thing is I am enjoying what I do." Click here to see an interview
He lived a extremely simple lifestyle, spartan in fact, in order to be true to his art form and to his passion. Certainly an eccentric but a lovable one.
I am not called to live a life like his but I am encouraged about his single-mindedness and his passion. Makes me wonder about my own life, my calling and how do I reflect my values? Am I gracious and humble in what I do? Do I treat all people the same- rich or poor, famous or not? Of course I do not rub shoulders with anyone at all in the circles that he saw but I certainly can show favoritism and divisiveness with whom I come in contact and I shouldn't. Do I look at life as an ever changing beautiful place?
What about you? Do you have a passionate life? Do you know anyone who does? What does it look like?
Happy Fourth of July!
Patriotic bouquet on our screen porch.
Happy Fourth of July. What does the fourth mean to you? An extra day of the weekend? A time for gathering with family? A day at the beach or lake? A day of reflection on being an American?
In this election year it seems that the idea of patriotism seems changed. I know that I am embarrassed by the political coverage especially from other countries and their media sources. With all the name calling and hateful speech one wonders if we can ever agree about the meaning of the fourth of July or what our country represents and of our American freedoms.
I have always loved the stories of our founding fathers. What I find incredible was their foresight, sacrifice and courage. Of course, I might be coming from a western European, WASPy background and thus feel in agreement with their philosophy. But I think it is more than that.
When I went to Ellis Island and read the stories and accounts of the newer wave of immigration, I saw the principles and ideals from our founders at work and still being upheld. Ours is a country of deliverance and freedom - one can come to our shores and have a new start. One can come and freely practice one's religion. One can speak one's mind about all sorts of subjects. One can put the past behind and turn to a new beginning.
One of the costs of freedom is responsibility. Just like we tell our children- you earn freedom to do things on your own by being responsible and showing that you can handle it.
As free citizens we have a responsibility to those who are also part of the country's collective. Just as I have rights, so too does my fellow American. That means that I am respectful of others. I allow them to freely speak and offer opinions just as I do. That means I am willing to get involved with self-governance; from the very least of voting to more involvement of civic matters. That means I am a good steward of my country and its resources. That I am willing to sacrifice some of my personal freedom (time, talents, resources) for the greater good of the freedom of all.
What about you? Have you always lived in America? If not, what was your experience? As an American do you feel patriotic? If the American Revolution was happening today, what side would you be on? The British? The rebels? Or would you not be involved?
"May it be to the world, what I believe it will be… the signal of arousing men to burst the chains.. and to assume the blessings and security of self-government. That form, which we have substituted, restores the free right to the unbounded exercise of reason and freedom of opinion. All eyes are opened, or are opening to the rights of man… For ourselves, let the annual return of this day forever refresh our recollections of these rights, and an undiminished devotion to them.”
Thomas Jefferson
June 24, 1826
Part of the last letter he wrote before he died. He was declining an invitation to come to Washington, DC for the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.