Come Through

"Come through".  

In watching British television I have noticed that this seems to be a refrain in British shows when a host/hostess welcomes a visitor into his/her home.  The host/hostess will receive the visitor and say, "Come through" and then proceed to usher the visitor through the entrance way to another room in the home.  

I wish we lived in a "come through" house.  Alas we do not.  We live in a very nice but small and humble abode.  When you come through our front door, you are immediately placed in the living room. There is no transition, no chance to collect yourself, collect the visitor's coat, etc.  

"Come through" seems to indicate that one has to travel through from one place to another.  While it may be brief, there is a change that occurs.  Coming through from one room to another has implications that things may be different in the new space.  There are possibilities in the come through.  But you just cannot immediately get there from just coming through the front doorframe.  You have to traverse through another space.

I love the idea of "come through" in our lives.  It has occurred to me that each of us experience situations, difficulties and trials that require us to "come through".  Try that we may, there is only one way to go and that is through.  Sometimes we  have to traverse through grief, disappointment, forgiveness, anger or frustration in order to get to a new place of contentment, acceptance, or even joy.   

I know that there are times lately when I wish I could just get to the new place of acceptance without traversing through any struggle.  But that would negate any lessons learned and would probably not be sustainable. It is through those struggles that I finally "get it" and understand more of the world around me. 

It reminds me of the children's song "We're going on a bear (or lion) hunt".  The chorus says: 

"We can't go over it. 
We can't go under it. 
Oh no! 
We've got to go through it!"

What about you?  Are you going through something?  Or are you avoiding something?  What do you need to help you go through?   Can you help someone else "come through"? 

Gifts From The Sea

My well worn copy...

One of my favorite books is by Anne Morrow Lindbergh- Gifts From The Sea.   I try to re-read it once a year.  It revives me, refocuses me and helps me regroup especially regarding my writing.

I have pulled it out this summer and have added it to my reading pile.  

Even though Anne wrote this book over fifty years ago, I find that the truths still resonate.  She speaks to human relationships, to life/work balance, to creative pursuits, to solitude, peace and contentment.  It seems that in this day and age we have even more need of her philosophy.  As humans, we can only process so much and so we need to step back, pause and recharge.  "For life today in America is based on the premise of ever-widening circles of contact and communication." Imagine that was written before cell phones, internet or Facebook!  She challenges us to "remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life." 

What I love about the book is her " search for outward simplicity, for inner integrity and fuller relationships". It is important to take some time and reflect on those ideas. For me, what better way than through the sea. I may not get a chance to go to the sea this summer but I can try and bring the sea to me.  I can make time to "get away":  block out a week or a day, free from obligations and return to a rhythm of simplicity, of deep reflection and of time spent with others.   

What about you?  Do you find the summer is a good time for reflection?  Do you have a chance to slow down the rhythm of your life? Do you have "annual" books that you read?  Any re-reads?  What about them resonates with you?  Lifestyle?  Escapism?  Reminder of ideals?  Inspiration?  

This weekend, why not check out your local library or local book store.  Reading is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. 

A Few of My Favorite Things...

Blenheim Palace 2015.  We spent one day there, exploring the grounds and the house. A very special and fun trip taken with my husband and two sons.

Our two extremely goofy Jack Russells.  My husband calls this picture, "Fish, On Ice" .  I call it, "Strike a Pose".  These two will sometimes lie like this for a good 15- 20 minutes.

I love going to museums and learning little tidbits of information.  Plus I enjoy coffee. 

Low tide at one of the beaches at our beloved Cape Cod.

The Robert McCloskey Make Way for Ducklings statues in Boston's Public Garden.  One of my favorite books as a child and one of my favorite cities. 

What are a few of your favorite things? 

Reality Check

Recently I stayed at a hotel while attending a family event.  It was a lovely facility, set in a wooded area with lots of footpaths, plenty of inviting seating throughout, a full spa, etc.  The thing is, everything about the experience- from the driveway approaching the front door, to the toiletries in the bathroom- was all about the "experience".  Staying there would make you feel picture perfect, glamorous, elegant, no worries, no problems, thin, tan and straight white teeth.  And it was all fake.

Full disclosure- I haven't stayed in many hotels nor do I travel much.  So it was a complete surprise when the television contained a menu complete with my name on the top, "Welcome Virginia Ruth.." as if they had taken such personal care in my stay. On the menu one could choose the television, internet connection, dining options and a myriad of other activities.  Unfortunately it appeared that I could not connect to anything.  All that would display on the television was a very slick ad repeating over and over, encouraging one to plan another stay with this hotel chain.

 I was not interested in all the gadgetry.  I just wanted to check the local news/weather. 

At our son's graduation there was a swarm of camera phones being held up to film the momentous occasion.  If one was from another planet, you would've thought that the crowd  was performing some religious ritual in which each person raises a rectangular object towards a robed gathering on stage.  

Certainly it is important to capture what we can on film.  But when capturing the moment takes precedence over being in the moment it makes you wonder? The family sitting next to us was so busy trying to film their daughter walking across the stage via focusing their camera on the jumbotron.  Each one had their eye through a lens but didn't look at the actual stage so that after their daughter passed, they turned to each other, "Did anyone see Jennifer go across the stage? Did anyone get a still picture of her?"  No one had.  

I think we may have come to a societal place where virtual ideas, experiences and relationships have taken over reality.  Even our so called news can be questioned as to whether all or parts of what is reported took place and is true.  Of course, we all know that Facebook pictures are a highlight reel of only what is the best and greatest disguised as "Ho-hum, our lives aren't that perfect.  Not."

If you are like me and frustrated with this made up world, what can we do?  How do we keep a reality check and how do we not get sucked into the vortex of virtual life? 

I think we need to remember the basics.  We are flawed as humans. No one is perfect.  There is no perfect body, relationship, physical setting or material object.  That doesn't mean that being flawed is bad it just means that is how it is.  In some way that should cause a great humankind sigh of relief.  Everyone falls short.  No one is better or worse than another.  That is the reality.

We need to be wary of anything smelling of slickness: advertising (All they want is your money), latest time saving gadget (Really? Will it add quality years and meaning to my life?), carefree lifestyle (And who is having the carefree lifestyle?  The underpaid employees who keep the fake lifestyle going?) 

Looking at life realistically does not mean that we should be pessimistic.  When we view life realistically we see flaws but we also see possibilities and opportunities for change and growth.  We see ways that others might be struggling and we can help knowing that we too struggle.  It produces real relationship. 

When we view life realistically we compare that what is promoted and said with what is true.  When we use truth as a template, most things even if difficult, will fall into place.  The truth will set you free.  Free from disappointment in false expectations, free from confidence destruction comparisons with others, free from wasted time and energy on something that is not really there. 

That is the reality check.

Pictures Worth a Thousand Words

Bumper sticker.  Seen on a recent dog walk.

My favorite pencil- Ticonderoga.

Seen on a building that used to be a tobacco plant and warehouse. 

Seen at a national retailer.  What were they thinking when they produced this fabric?  Who has bought one? 

Good News

Mother and Calf.   http://www.noaa.gov/media-release/successful-conservation-efforts-pay-off-for-humpback-whales.   

Last week I heard an encouraging environmental story.  For many years any news story related to the environment was one of doom and gloom.  But last week it was exciting.

Humpback whales have made a comeback.   In NYC!  There has been many sightings of whales, dolphins and seals in the harbor and waterways around the city.   The water is cleaner and less contaminated. Schools of fish and smaller organisms fill the harbor and rivers. 

According to Popular Science magazine website: 

 “Because of the improvement of the water quality, algae and zooplankton have multiplied, giving good food for the menhaden [a small oily forager fish beloved by whales], which have returned in numbers that the fishermen say they have not seen in their lifetimes,” Paul L. Sieswerda told PopSci. Once a curator at the New York Aquarium, Sieswerda has since founded Gotham Whales, an organization that conducts tours and monitors the presence of whales, seals, and dolphins in NYC. “Our surveys show an exponential increase in the number of whales since 2011 when we first began our studies," he said. "Prior to that, whales were only seen intermittently."

I remember talking about ecology in my eighth grade science class.  The teacher had friends in the NYPD who told him that if there was an investigation that required a dive into the Hudson or any of the surrounding waterways, no one could enter the water with any cuts or abrasions. The slightest opening in one's skin could be potentially dangerous or lethal because of the toxins in the water. 

What a far cry from today.  

I am encouraged because the cleanliness of the water has turned around in my lifetime.  When the reports came out in the 1960's and 70's, who would've believed that change could happen?  The turn around for the whales required both the habitat to be improved and safe guarding the population through legislation with the whaling industry.  We may not have personally changed the habitat for whales, but our awareness of not dumping into city water ways or our decision to support or not support an industry or manufacture which honors or ruins the environment, does.  

Our biology major son has said that if we, world wide collective, would reduce the consumption of fish and consequently the fisherman would reduce the over fishing practices, that in five years we could reverse the problem of species annihilation and gaps in the food chain in the seas.   Our oceans could return to a healthy balance.  

When everyone makes a small change or sacrifice, big things happen. Small or large, it is all interconnected.

I find it interesting that one of the largest creatures, the whale, ingests some of the smallest creatures, plankton, for fuel and food.  It is because the habitat for the algae, zooplankton, and small fish have improved that the larger creatures have come back.  Small impacts the large. 

What about you?  Hear any good news stories lately?  What do you do, small or large, that has consequences on the environment?  Have you noticed any changes?   What small change can you make today in your life?  Environmentally?  Physically?  Emotionally? Spiritually?

The whales story is more than just about the environment.  It is a reminder to all of us that small change can have a big impact. 

There is a photographer who spends most of his time capturing these beautiful water behemoths around NYC.   Click here to see his amazing photos.

Fostering

Last Friday as I was getting breakfast I was listening to the radio.  They were playing the Friday StoryCorps segment.  It was dedicated to Father's Day and the idea that being a father is much more than biology.  The segment highlighted a couple who were foster parents.  They described how they felt after the first child they fostered had to be returned to his parent.  At first it was devastating to them. However, they learned something in the process.  One of the dads stated,  "I think in some ways, having to love someone and then give them up makes you less demanding of other people, just generally speaking. I think the other thing is being a foster parent made me want to be a foster parent even more. It’s hard to lose kids, that’s for sure. But I can do this, and I can help them." 

The idea of loving someone and having to give him/her up really resonated with me. Isn't that we are told?  "If you love something set it free.  If it comes back, it's yours.  If it doesn't, it never was."  That expression can be thought to describe fatalism: if the fates determine a relationship is to be, it will be.  Or, one can decided that relationships are all about free will.  A true relationship is one that allows the other freedom.  

In some ways, this dad seemed to imply that this ideology is only for the case of foster or "temporary" relationships.  But can it also be true for those whom we love and lose to physical death or emotional distance? Is it true that if we love them we should also be willing to give them up?  

I surmise that this dad recognizes that we have to enter into any relationship knowing that there is a risk involved.  It may be painful, it may even be devastating but it is so worth it. 

I liked his observation that the process of letting go helps us to be less demanding of people. I don't think that means that we are less involved or committed to our relationships rather we are more thoughtful. We know that there are risks to love and that we cannot hold any relationship too tightly.  We need to hold them as if we were holding a precious Faberge egg: each is beautiful and unique but also fragile and vulnerable to pressure. We have to cradle the egg carefully because even our own handling may cause it to break. Sometimes our own demands and expectations of a relationship can be crushing. When we are less demanding we intentionally provide cushion space in those relationships.  We can allow it to thrive. 

What about you?  How are your relationships?  Are you too demanding? Expecting too much than humanly possible from another?  How can you provide cushion space in your relationships?  Does that mean giving time, trust, or permission to others? Allowing them the space to be whom they need to be?  Is it allowing those we love to fail?  Or risking that we might lose them? 

In some sense we are all fostering relationships.  We are all foster parents. 

Rethinking

My copy.  I find it a quick read because I want to know what happens... When I finished it evoked the feelings that I love to feel  about books:  sad, heart wrenching, hopeful, a smile through my tears, inspired. 

This week I attended the book launch of a woman who has been attending my Tuesday PM Bible study. I have gotten to know her a little bit through our gatherings.  When she made a comment about her new book, one that was twenty years in the writing, I knew I had to go. 

Her book is a memoir about her life.  Boy was I blown away with all that has happened to her in her lifetime. While I knew a little about her, nothing prepared me for her story.  She is a remarkable person and has incredible resilience, strength and grace.

It just goes to show me that it is worth taking the time to get to know people.  So many people have incredible stories if we just take the time to be with them and to listen.

What I love about the story is her honesty. She is quite candid about her feelings of all her travails.  Part of me is chagrined as I read the book: she has endured more than any of us can imagine yet she has done so with grace.   I wonder, no, I know, I wouldn't be so gracious.   Yet she inspires me to be better.

It has me rethinking.  How am I facing adversity?  With grace and acceptance or with whining and gnashing of teeth?  How am I in listening to others' stories?  Do I take the time?  What life lessons am I missing in my oblivion? 

What about you?  Read any inspiring books lately?  What are you rethinking? 

Back Cover.  To entice you....

Time Perspective

We are heading out for vacation soon. In preparing for our trip, I have been thinking about what I need to do before hand and what I will do when I get back.  It occurred to me that all, about which I have been thinking and have been worrying is so short sighted.  Probably when we return things will naturally resolve and  I will not be so intense about my situation and my current concerns. 

I met with some friends the other week.  They have younger children than we do.  Hearing their concerns about schools, sports clubs and eventually college brought me back to the time when I worried about those same things.  I wonder, at the time, how much time and energy did I devote to thinking about those things when in reality, most of my mental gymnastics did nothing to change the outcomes.  I just  aggravated my family as well as myself.   You would think given all the attention and time to those worries that I would carry those memories in my heart. The thing is, I completely forgot about those feelings of anxiety and overwhelming consternation until I spoke with our friends.  Obviously it wasn't too great a concern if I cannot remember much about it.  

In cleaning out my father's house I came across pictures and memorabilia that returned me to the time when those depicted scenarios took place.  I can almost hear the conversations around the kitchen table or on the beach blanket.   Again, I think of the mental gymnastics we performed as a family as we discussed (ad nauseam), decided, revisited, discussed some more a problem or situation one of the family members was having.  I am sure that if we currently asked the highlighted family member about that situation they would say, "What?  Oh yeah.  I remember that now.  Funny how I had forgotten.  I don't know what was such a big deal." 

I do think that time does provide great perspective. Unfortunately I wish that I would remember that when I am in the middle of a situation or problem.  I wonder how many cycles of worry, problem, worry, intense worry, thinking of problem all the time, problem resolved, problem forgotten that I need to experience before I cut out the worry stages.  I guess all I can do is try to remember that things do have a way of working out regardless (and most probably in spite of) of our fretting and fussing.  Sure it is good to plan and be proactive in situations but the ruminating of past events and worrying over hypothetical scenarios does nothing. 

What about you?  Are you in the middle of a worry, problem or concern?  What do you do to help resolve the issue?  Talk to others about it? Revisit and replay the scene, dialogue or situation over and over again? How can you gain some perspective?  Can you "go on vacation"  from the problem?  

It may take some time but my concerns today are not at all my concerns from yesterday. So too, I know that my concerns for tomorrow will not be what they are today.  

And that is a good thing. 

Maybe if I remember that concerns come and go I won't be too anxious while they are here. 

Bird's-Eye View

One of the parents tending the nest.

I finally was able to work on the gardens this weekend.  Boy, did it need tending.  It is amazing how quickly things grow and become out of control when we are busy with other endeavors.

I was surprised to notice a robin's nest in our small cherry tree.  I had seen some unusual rustling of its leaves but from the house side of the tree you cannot notice anything.  It was only when I was in the yard working, did I hear and then see some small little ones reaching their necks up with mouths open.  Momma (or dad- hard to tell with robins) bird kept coming with worms and other delectables for their offspring.  

In the late afternoon I was planning on watering the garden.  It was only after the sprinkler was on for a bit that I remembered the birds. I worried about getting them wet.  Of course I know that they are in the rain as a normal part of their existence, but I was worried that the angle at which the sprinkler sent the sprays might overwhelm them. 

It was an unnecessary worry.  Chalk it up to being too much of an urbanite.  But it did get me thinking....

I wondered what the robin thought.  Did she have any of the following mental dialogue:   "Rain?  I didn't sense any coming.  Better batten down the hatches.",  "I can't believe that Mr. Robin didn't build us a nest with a covering.  What was he thinking?",  "Why us?  No other nests seem to have a water problem".

In my anthropomorphic musings I thought, "Do robins complain about their circumstances?" If only I spoke "robinese"  I would tell them to hold on.  After the trials of the rain, the ground will be conducive for collecting worms.  In enduring a short time of discomfort, they will be able to reap a sustaining benefit. 

Maybe they know that?  Maybe animals are better in tune to the trials and tribulations of life and its consequences.  Maybe they know that life is full of ups and downs.  Sometimes things that seem like a problem are just the means and method to deliver something good. 

Unfortunately I think as humans we need to be reminded of that.  I need to be reminded of that. When I am in the middle of a difficult situation I forget that there will be an end to it.  I forget that sometimes the end produces a benefit.  It may be something tangible, like my robin friend and her worms or it may be intangible like a character trait of patience, self-control or empathy.  I need to hear from someone who speaks "robinese" to tell me that there is something on the other side of difficulty. I need to be told- hang on.

I find that when I read the Bible I hear God telling me exactly that- hold on and hold on to me.  I may have trials and tribulations in this world, but I need not fear because He has overcome the world.  He has my back and my best interest at heart.  He has been teaching me to look at the world with His eyes: there is purpose to what is happening, there is a bigger plan than what I see and that I don't need to know everything because He has it covered. 

This last year with the care of my father has been difficult on so many levels: physically- I have lost almost ten pounds, financially- I have had to turn down job offers because of his care, emotionally- I am so drained that I do not have much to offer to my immediate family and friends and wonder how long they will put up with my "absence", spiritually- I keep wondering what God is trying to teach me through my trying to be obedient in the midst of another's demands and needs. Yet, I have been witness to so many blessings- through my writing about my struggles I have met some wonderful people.  I have found myself having greater empathy of those who have struggles.  I am learning to be present, not relieving the past or anticipating the future. I am learning to appreciate each day and to look for things for which to be grateful even if that is a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I am trying to learn (very slowly) to replace complaint with contentment. 

What about you?  Do you have showers coming down upon your head?  Can you see the softening of the ground and the potential of worms?   Can you only see the problems and the complaints?  Can your current struggles produce a future benefit? 

My little robin friend reminds me to see life with a bird's-eye view. 

Manners and Respect

The other day I was thinking about respect.  

It seems to me that all of us cry out like Aretha Franklin, "R.E.S.P.E.C.T"  We want and try to demand respect from others. How do you cultivate it?  How do you demonstrate it? 

Nothing is worse than to feel that you have been blown off by someone who completely dismisses your ideas, your work, or even you.  Regardless of one's opinions, values or beliefs, we still crave respect from all,  even from those who don't espouse our opinions, values or beliefs.  

I was also thinking about people who feel they are entitled to anything as long as it is more, better or greater than to what you may be entitled. Not that they are completely rude like Mr. Bean but the people who think that they are entitled to get ahead of you- merging into single construction lane on the highway, queuing up at the grocery store, seeing the doctor, even standing in line at an entertainment venue. They are the people who feel that they are entitled to having others jump through hoops for them and that they are entitled to say whatever comes to mind without having to worry about any consequence. Their actions demonstrate lack of respect for those around them.

I think both respect and the entitlement mindset should be governed by manners. 

Not in the seemingly senseless white glove, pinky in the air,  tea sipping manners of people with way too much time on their hands.  

Manners in the true sense of why we have them:  to think of others before we think of ourselves, to be gracious and kind, to treat others with respect and not to feel entitled over someone else, to provide human kind with a raised bar and standard so that we are elevated over animals. 

In treating someone kindly and with manners we say more about our character than anything else. It shows self-control by putting others first or holding our tongues. It shows kindness through thoughtfulness. It shows graciousness, when we do not let on that things have not gone the way we planned.  

What about you?  Do you feel respected by those around you?  Why is that?  Are you surrounded by "entitled" people?  How do you treat them?  How do they treat you? How are your manners?  How can you show respect to someone today?  How can you brush up on your manners? 

Pollyanna that I am, I do believe that when we treat others well, when we expect more from them than they might feel capable of in the moment, then we will have a society that respects one another. 

Sock it to me Aretha!

Finish

I have written before about my need to finish: finish my tennis stroke, finish reading a book, finish a project, etc. For some reason the idea of finishing never translated to the finishing of my time spent volunteering or outside responsibilities. When I would be asked if I could serve on this committee or help out with that event I generally say, "sure".  I would just add that request to whatever else I was doing.    It just occurred to me that I need to finish any volunteer work before I say yes to start any new endeavor. 

Has that ever happened to you?  You go along, being asked for this or that and you say yes because no one request requires much in the way of time or money.  But at some point when all the demands start to add up,  the collective investment is exhausting. 

The other day, I had listed all the items that I needed to do for the various committees I am on.  It turns out that I have five major responsibilities with at least four to five "to-do" check offs under each one.  The check-offs require me to create or perform some type of job and they are items that take a fair amount of time.  

No wonder I was feeling overwhelmed.  

I remember years ago a friend shared with me that when her grandchild was at a Montessori school, part of their teaching was that the child learned not to take out another play items, puzzle or activity before putting back the one he was using.  

What a concept!  I need to practice that with my time requests. For some reason the requests to email individuals about a volunteer offering, schedule a rotation chart, design policies and procedures for an ongoing committee, write the curriculum and teach a five week class (among other requests) don't seem too demanding at first and don't  seem to warrant a careful consideration when initially asked.   These are easy things for me to do.

Yet easy or not it is the time involved that has me feeling as if every toy is out in the room and I have no way to put any of it back. 

It seems as if every six months I need to reevaluate what I am doing, to finish what I started and to build in breaks from one obligation to the next.  I used to practice this method of time management but over the last year, life and its demands have me scrambling around.  I know that I don't want to just resign or walk away without a clean and clear break of obligations. 

What about you?  Do you feel the pressure of too many demands on your time?  Are they things that you want to do?  Are they things that have just happened?  How do you manage requests for your time and talent? Do you finish what you started or do you just quit?  What choices can you make that would give you some margin with your time? 

How can you practice putting away one toy before getting out another? 

Keep Calm and Carry On

A rendition of the 1939 poster.  Hanging on my wall courtesy of a dear friend who knows I need the reminder.

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for church I heard the news of another terror attack in London.  On the heels of that report was the panicky stampede at a soccer game in Italy resulting in over 1,000 people being injured.  According to the news report no one knows the exact cause of the Italian stampede.  There is speculation that people panicked when they heard a loud noise thinking it was an explosion. 

In listening to all the terror attacks (and they should be called terror because they are terrifying to the individuals regardless who is initiating them),  I was reminded of the British saying "Keep Calm and Carry On."

I knew that the slogan was from WWII but I didn't know its origin.  In 1939 the British government formed a Ministry of Information to provide publicity and propaganda to the British people.  The MOI came up with a couple of slogans: "Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution will Bring Us Victory" and "Freedom is in Peril" .  Those posters were hung on public transport, shop windows and notice boards. The final poster, "Keep Calm and Carry On" was to be used if Germany invaded the land.  It was never used.  It was believed that all the published but never used posters were destroyed.  A second hand book shop found one hidden among some old books they had bought at auction.  A small portion of others were also found.   The slogan may have been from over seventy years ago but the sentiment is still needed.  Click here to read more.

I think world wide we need to hang that poster on public transport and around our cities. It is understandable to panic and be anxious about large public gatherings and foreign travel but panic and anxiety can ensue even close to home.  The spread of suspicion, mistrust and paranoia is exactly what those who want to reek terror want to do.  In fact, as in the case of Italy, they didn't have to do anything- just let people's own imagination and instinct do the dirty work.

What about you? Do you find that you are anxious and panicky?  Do you look at others with suspicion?  Does the climate in the world and nation have you rethinking your plans?  

And how are you, not only in the global sense, but also with your individual plans?  Are you feeling panicky and anxious about your current situation?  Do you feel that you stampeding forward with poor decisions or caught up with other's jumpy conclusions?  ER doctors and others in true crisis management excluded, when we feel rushed we very rarely make good judgement calls. 

What can you do to keep calm and carry on?  Is it to find more margin in your life?  Do you have to say no to people and situations?  Do you need to avoid those people who cause stress in your life?  (at least for the time being)

While I think we need to be wise and prudent about out travel and to be aware of our surroundings and how we conduct ourselves, I think we cannot let those who want to strike terror into our lives succeed.  I also think that we can be wise in our personal lives.  In some seasons of life we cannot avoid stressful and anxiety producing situations, but we do have a choice.  We can keep calm and carry on. 

The Encouragement Spiral

This week I witnessed the power of encouragement for both the encourager and the recipient.  We may live in a time when people use their words as weapons of division and destruction but I do believe that words can still be used as tools for reconciliation and improvement.

I play tennis with a variety of women.  They come from different backgrounds: religious, socio-economical, age, life experiences, professions.  The other day I was playing with two who work in the school system- one as a social worker and the other as a reading specialist.   The reading specialist shared that she had an encounter with a parent on her walk to work.  The parent shared his gratitude in her helping his child who was having difficulty learning to read. "You've changed the trajectory of his life."  

My friend was flabbergasted.  What an awesome statement and what an awesome responsibility. But because of that parent's comments, it made her day. It still encourages her even on days when the teaching is incredibly difficult and she wonders if she is making any impact.

My other friend was sharing the difficulty that her school faces in trying to provide structure and consistency for children whose life circumstances are beyond control.  The children in her school have witnessed and are living lives that we pray no one has to experience much less small children.  Much of the time spent is not in educational instruction but in helping these children calm down and be somewhat prepared to learn.

She was sharing that when she can, she tries to share with parents their children's good behavior.  She shared that a little first grader always says "Good morning. How are you?" to her.  Even if my friend doesn't initiate the conversation the little one makes her way to my friend and will initiate a hello.  My friend saw the girl's mother and told her what a well-mannered child she had.  As the mother and daughter were leaving the school, my friend overheard the mother tell her little girl how it made her quite proud to hear how thoughtful and mannerly she was.

The thing is, both my friends have anecdotal experiences of the power of receiving of a compliment and in the giving of one.  It is a continuous spiral of goodwill.   Compliments give us the encouragement to go on doing what we are doing. It says "I recognize the hard work you are doing. Your deeds are not unnoticed or without merit."  Encouragement of others, provides the giver the pleasure and satisfaction in knowing one's words made another's day.  I can think of nothing better than making someone else feel good about him/herself.  

What about you?  Have you received any encouragement in the form of compliments?  How can you encourage those around you today?  Do you look for ways to encourage others?  What would it take for you to offer a few nice words?  

When we engage in uplifting and edifying conversation of one another we build up community.  It is an upward spiral of encouragement.  And God knows, we need it.

Pay Yourself. First.

Do you ever feel frustrated that the things that you need to do in order to stay sane, happy and balanced seem to get relegated to the bottom of the to-do list and ultimately not done? 

Lately I have been experiencing that.  Certainly we all have experienced  temporary crises when we need to focus on matters at hand and we have to let things slide.  But when it becomes a lifestyle and the mode of daily operations, there is a problem. 

I was reminded by a dear friend to remember to take time to do what I need to do to bring me joy.

First.  

It reminded me of the financial advice that one should "pay oneself first, before you pay any other expenses."  The idea is that one should put away an amount in savings first and then use the remainder for expenses.  If you try financial planning the other way around, saving whatever is left over after expenses, then you will never have amounted much savings.   We may be well-intentioned to save but unless we do it first it won't happen.

I think we need to practice that same discipline with our time.  First we need to do what is important to us before the time gets snatched away with other matters.  Due to various circumstances, it may not be the length of time we want or the mode and mean of our plans.  Nonetheless we have to faithfully keep plugging away at what is important to us.  Preserve that time, action or deed.

For me the two things that I feel I must do is read my Bible/pray and write.  When I don't, I get cranky, depressed and overwhelmed. I get angry with myself for not guarding my time and disappointed over the time "lost" to other endeavors. 

When I am able to do those two items daily, my days seem to flow smoothly.  I am reasonable, understanding and I am sure as my family can attest, much more pleasant to be around.  Some days, I know that I won't be able to spend too much on either activity but a little time goes a long way.  Just doing a couple of minutes makes a hectic day seem less crazy. 

What about you?  Have you ever paid yourself first?  In time or finances?  What did/does that look like for you? If you are in a place when you cannot pay yourself?  Why not?  What can be loosened up or rearranged so that you can do so?

The airplane oxygen mask analogy has become a cliche to explain the point of first caring for oneself.  (Oxygen Mask Rule: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.”  Reason being- there will be no time to help anyone without your mask.  Falling from over 30,000-40,000 feet altitude would cause you to pass out within 15-20 seconds if you do not have your oxygen mask on. )

Yet in essence, paying yourself first in time or money is the practical way one can care for oneself and not experience the helplessness of no savings or no time.  If we cannot save enough money to bring about financial peace or cannot do the things that bring us joy then we are existing not living.

If I want to live joyfully then I have to pay myself.  First.

It is I

Do you ever feel afraid?  Not just butterflies in the stomach or things going bump in the night afraid, but afraid of the future or of things that might happen?  How will bills get paid?  What if my beloved dies?  What if I have to spend more time and money than I have on parents, children, or family?  Will my children grow up safe?  Will I get sick or disabled?  What if I lose my job? How will I manage all the stress on my time?

Some days the worries and concerns keep piling up. It seems as if life's demands are like an never ending leaky faucet:  Drip.  Drip. Drip.  And there appears to be no way to turn off  the demands.

The other week I was feeling that drippiness of life.  It just seemed like a never ending stream of:  "Can you do this...?  Can you pick up...? I need such and such... Would you mind doing... Would you be available?  

As it happens so many times in the past, as I read my daily Bible reading, the verses for that specific day spoke to those issues on my heart.  I was reading the story of Jesus walking on water (John 6: 16-20). As the story goes the disciples were out on a boat, traveling across the sea to get to the other side.  They had just come from participating and witnessing the feeding of the five thousand.  They must've been exhausted.  Can you imagine anything worse than thousands of hungry people and not any quantity of food around?  Sure, they witnessed and were part of a multiplication miracle but prior to that occurring, the atmosphere must have been incredibly stressful.

So, off they go on a boat and Jesus is no where to be seen.  Were they worried that something had happened to him?  Were they worried that something would happen to them?   As they were rowing the seas got rough and the wind started blowing.  It is interesting that these seasoned fishermen would be scared and worried about a familiar situation.   But how many times have I, under unfavorable conditions been worried and anxious for no apparent reason.  Things that normally wouldn't affect me at all, can become major issues when I am tired, hungry, angry or stressed.

It is in that stressful and worrisome time that the disciples spy someone, an apparition coming towards them across the water.   Jesus speaks to them first, "It is I.  Do not be afraid."  In my Bible translation it suggests that the phrase, "It is I" is deliberately chosen.  "It is I" harkens back to when Moses encounters God at the burning bush.  "I am who I am".   That phrase should remind them that God is the one who was, who is and who will always be.  He has provided and protected them in the past and will do so in their future. They need not have any worries or anxieties.  He is with them and will safely take them ashore.

I need that reminder today.  Jesus tells you and tells me, "It is I. Do not be afraid" every time we feel that life's stressors are getting the best of us.  He tells us that when we are worried about our future and its seemingly non-ending drippiness of stress.  And he tells us that when we need to get to where we are going.

Jesus' walking on water was miraculous and memorable.  The action of His walking and defying natural law showed Him to be divine. He doesn't need special transport to go across the water. He can just move as He wills.  And yet, even in His splendor of His divinity He was interested in calming the fears of His subjects.  Once Jesus enters the boat, the seas calm and all is restored. The disciples didn't need to be afraid because He is who He is and He cares for each one of them.

You and I do not have to be afraid, worried or anxious.  We have access to the Divine who will get into our boats, love us where we are, eliminate all our fears and take us safely to shore. 

What about you?  Are you worried and anxious about much?  Do you need to witness a walking on water miracle before you can trust the One who calms the seas? When things are tough, remember "It is I". Remember the One who walks on water yet also gets into the boat with us so that we are no longer afraid. 

Too Late?

Do you ever feel that you are too late?  Too late to accomplish much in your life?  Too old to respond to God's call?  Too worn out to be of any use? 

Lately I have been reading more of the Bible and deepening my prayer life.  In doing so I am wondering, "Why wasn't I this committed years ago?"  I feel that God is teaching me much yet I cannot help wondering what I missed out because of my past lack luster commitment.

I have also felt that I have missed out on what could've been professionally.  What would've happened if I made a career out of hospital nursing?  What would've happened if I didn't take time off to raise kids?  What would've happened if I had followed my heart with exploring creative endeavors and occupations during college? 

Well, I will never know and in some ways that is okay.  I have had a varied path and it all is good.

But now that I have started on this writing endeavor, I sometimes wonder if it is too late. Perhaps I will run out of time before I get going?  Why does it take me so long to learn things?

I have been thinking of things that I wished I learned earlier:

• To enjoy the moment  
• To laugh more  
• To reach out to others more  
• To be more vulnerable 
• To take risks
• To not be so serious

What about you?  What things have you learned?  Are you still learning?  Do you feel that it is too late?  Is there anything you wished you learned earlier in life? 

I love to hear stories about older individuals accomplishing feats in their "dotage".  (Perhaps because I am closer to that season of life than not, it speaks to me.)  Some of those who accomplished in their later years:

• Paul Cezanne had first art exhibition at age 56
• Julia Child began PBS cooking show at age 51
• John Glenn went into space at age 77
• Grandma Moses started painting at 76
• Peter Roget invented the thesaurus at age 73
• Colonel Sanders started KFC at age 65 (using his first Social Security check for $100!)
• Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida at age 64

I think I have shared before, but the jazz band at my parents' retirement community was called "The Never Too Late" band. 

Sorrow and Love

Once again our church community is mourning the loss of a beloved member.  Once again a parent has lost a young adult child.  Once again we are coming to grips with sorrow and love.

It seems wrong that a child dies before his/her parents.  It is the wrong order of life and death. Unfortunately it is a place that we have visited a fair amount of times with dear friends and with extended family.  It is a place which begs me to scream and wail at God, how can you allow this to happen?

A couple of weekends ago was the family visitation and a memorial service.  It was beautiful: so peaceful, so compassionate, so life affirming.   There are not enough nor adequate words to describe the young man who died.  He was an original with a capital "O".  Someone who squeezed every ounce of life out of his twenty-eight years on earth. He was one of the most self-assured, comfortable-in-his-own-skin, approachable, lovable, accepting individuals.  He inspired people to be the best version of themselves because he inspired people to be the version that God sees.  

As with all deaths, I think we tend to focus on our own death- what could people say about me, would anyone come?- but we also think of our loved ones- what would I do without him, how can I go on without her?

In the particular case of this death it was so sudden. There was no disease, no accident, no indication that anything was amiss.  He was here living life and then he was not.  There wasn't time to have any bargaining with God as if we can ever bargain for lives.

As a mom I know that I would respond to God, Lord, take me instead.  I would most certainly be willing to give up my life for someone else.  But would I be willing to give up someone else? Am I willing to lose someone I love to death?   I don't know how much I would be willing to give up our boys or my husband if there ever was a choice.

Yet, that is what God did.  He gave up His son, sent Him to earth, allowed Him to be separated from His heavenly father for a time in order to have Him rescue all of us for all eternity.  Because of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, there would never be separation from our Heavenly Father again.

And so God sometimes asks us to be willing and perhaps to actually, give up things, people and relationships in order to get us in a place where we may never be separated from Him or our loved ones again.  I think of how God asks us to be like Abraham and to be willing to sacrifice that which is the most meaningful to us (in his case, his son Isaac). God was more concerned with Abraham's obedience than the sacrifice. 

Do I trust God with all that I have, with all of my life and with all that I love?  Can I entrust my future to Him even if it might bring me temporary but great sorrow?  I pray that no one ever has to endure what our friends and loved ones have. But I also pray that I may come to a place that I can say, "thy will be done" whatever that might be. 

It is a place where sorrow and love flow mingled down.  It is a place that we visited over that weekend.  It is a place where through our tears we can still see the Glory of God through community, care and love of one another.  And it is a place, strangely enough of hope. 

One of my favorite hymns is "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross".   It came immediately to my mind when I first heard the news of the death. 

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Words

In cleaning out my dad's home we have had to sort through many books.  Even though my dad is a reader, most of the books were significant to my mom.  With each book I can see her lovingly cradle it in her arthritic hands as she would describe, sometimes in great detail, (no summarization for her) the book. She loved a good turn of phrase, a corny joke or a deep morally convicting story.

On the bookshelves I found newly published books as well as older ones.  The older ones weren't necessarily classics or life changing tomes but still had significant words, ideas and thoughts. 

It made me think about our words.  Those older published books that my mother saved,  don't seem relevant or significant today but must have meant something to her at the time.  

I thought how true that is with words, stories or ideas that once resonated with me.  Sometimes they still have meaning, but other times they no longer capture my attention as once before.

Then I thought- do words always have to be life changing?  Can't they sometimes be significant or meaningful just for the moment?

Even the most life changing words, those words from the Bible, speak to me at different times and different seasons in my life.  And while it is life changing, I think of the psalmist words, "thy words are a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". Like a light in the dark that just gets you to the next place down the road, sometimes the words are just what we need to get to the next stop.

What about you?  What words do you like?  What has been life changing for you?  What can you say today that might be just the right words for someone else, for just today? 

April Showers

April showers this morning.

Many years ago I had taken a writing course with the author Julianna Baggott.  She was great. Not only a wonderful writer but an articulate, funny and caring human being.   One day we were talking about plot and character development and she used the author of "The Fight Club", Chuck Palahniuk as an example.  He is known for adding much conflict to his characters' stories. Just when you think the character is dealing with a lot, more tough situations are dumped on him. As a reader, one gets to see how the character handles or doesn't handle the stress.

Do you ever feel that you are having to do as much as you can handle and then even more things are showered upon you?  That feeling of being so overwhelmed that you know it is only the shear volume of the things that are surrounding you, that keeps you upright.  You would collapse but there is no where to fall because the stressors are on top, beside and below you.  

This morning I was feeling that way.  The irony is that I am in the middle of writing the curriculum for a five week class on prayer. Talk about a living example!  Talk about a reality show!  I am praying for strength like you wouldn't believe.  I wonder if I can handle all the volume of things on me?

Here is what I am learning in this process:

1) I have to read the Bible every morning.  If I don't I will collapse.  It is more than just a feel good or a "keep myself in God's good graces" activity. It is sustenance to my soul.  If I didn't eat breakfast in the morning, I would not be able to be my best.  

2) Delegate and let go.  There have been some situations that, in my normal schedule I would be involved.  But because many days I have to be in two or more places at once, I have had to let others pick up where I couldn't be. 

3) Tell your loved ones what you need. I am so grateful for my husband.  I have told him that I just can't think about meals for the next couple of weeks and he has taken that off my plate. (no pun intended)

4) Prioritize and say no.  There are so many other things that I need to do this spring.  One such item was to scrape and paint the outside of our screened porch.  But I know that there is no way that I can do it.  I have other similar items of household things to-do as well as commitments I had made in past years.  I have had to say no and try to free up some time.  Getting my father situated in an assisted living arrangement is priority number one. 

5) Be kind to yourself.  This one is the hardest things for me to do.  For me, to be kind to myself I have to give myself permission:  permission that it is okay to not do everything, permission to know that I will disappoint others especially those who think I should do everything, permission to know that I can take a little time for myself.

I also realized that I need to allow  myself  to enjoy the stressors.  Sounds crazy but I am realizing that life is an ebb and flow of a flurry of activity and a time of stillness.  I want to appreciate it all: the good, the bad and the ugly.  I don't want to get through this time of my life and be angry at myself for not handling it with grace. Someday I want to look back and say that it is only through God's grace that I was able to handle all that came my way.  I want to be able to point to blessings that have sprung up from the stress and give God the glory. 

I want to be able to say that, "Yes, I did have April (stress) showers, but look at all the May (grace-filled) flowers."  

What about you?  Do you feel you are showered with conflict?  How are you handling it?  What steps can you take to lesson the load?  Have you seen May flowers from your April showers?