Virginia Ruth 4/14/21 Virginia Ruth 4/14/21

Good Trouble

“My philosophy is very simple, when you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, say something, do something, get in trouble, good trouble, necessary trouble!” US Rep. John Lewis*

Recently I heard the above song Good Trouble*. I thought it was powerful and got me thinking.

The issues addressing our country are far too complicated and too vast for me to weigh-in. I know that I am a person of privilege. As far as I know, none of my ancestors were directly involved in any type of slave ownership but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t benefit from how society was set up and established. So I too, recognize my skin color and what that represents.

The indirect consequences of any societal arrangement affects everyone. In today’s world, the slave/child labor for cheap goods affects everyone. While I may choose to not (knowingly) purchase product that has been manufactured in that vein, it is very hard to avoid it. The ramifications are spread throughout the web of the economy and I am sure that I have unwittingly contributed to a form of exploitation. What can I do about that?

I sometimes wonder if we will ever get away from a society divided into those who lord their privilege over others and those who have to “take” it? Will we ever remove the societal set-up of those who benefit through an exploitation of others? Unfortunately it is not a new phenomena: it has been around since the dawn of man and with every civilization. Probably not until God reconciles the new heaven and new earth will we be free of the grip of hatred, envy, power struggles and exploitation of our fellow humans.

And hatred is a grip on our soul. The only way to release its bond is through love: to see another as yourself and to treat them as you would want to be treated.

So until such time when all will be reconciled t0 God, I do find hope in songs like these. I may not be a John Lewis but I can use my voice and any “influence” or gifts (not that I have much or any at all) to speak out and speak for those who do not have any voice, “influence” or particular gifts. I can say “hey, that is not right” when I come across something that isn’t.

There is the recognition that we, as humans, do have a choice on how we want to live and the choice on how we want to respond to people around us. We are in good company if we decide to go against the norm and act out in “good trouble”.

Some days, some months, even some years it may not seem so, but in the end, love always wins.

*Good Trouble Lyrics:

My skin is alabaster
And I understand what that means
There's history in my color
And a burden in me and this free

And the burden is the wall between you and me
But there's a love that's still turning over tables
And a love making blinded eyes see
There's a healing that's waiting in the water
That's still making saints out of rebels
My God is still making good trouble

I've grown tired of being so careful
About speaking my truth with soft words
Out on the streets I'm fearful
Even though inside I know my worth

But I'll never give up even when it hurts
Because love is still turning over tables
And love still makes the blinded eyes see
And there's a healing that's waiting in the water
That's still making saints out of rebels
My God is still making good trouble
Good trouble
Good trouble
My God is still making good trouble
Good trouble
Good trouble
My God is still making good trouble

Even though we are all broken
There is a dream still worth holding
Let's walk towards the fire
And push past the fear
And call hate a liar
Loud and clear

There's a love that's still turning over tables
And the love making blinded eyes see
There's a healing that's waiting in the waters
That's still making saints out of rebels
My God is still making good trouble
Good trouble
Good trouble
My God is still making good trouble
Good trouble
Good trouble
My God is still making good trouble

*https://blogs.loc.gov/loc/2020/07/remembering-john-lewis-the-power-of-good-trouble/

Virginia Ruth 4/7/21 Virginia Ruth 4/7/21

Re-Frame

The original print is of a lot larger scene but I liked just concentrating on the cottage and the roses.

Recently I have been trying to de-clutter. Truth is, it should really be called re-cluttering because if an item sits in the “rid pile” too long, it might be re-assigned somewhere else in the house. It seems to be a system of “Two steps forward and one backward” but at least I am slowly culling things out.

As I am sorting things, I have been thinking. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. A lot of what we have has been repurposed into other usage for projects that I thought I would have to go out to the store to complete. Turns out, I had the material all along.

I will be in the middle of a project and realize that if I change my focus and look at an item differently, I can re-use my “clutter”. For instance, I discovered that we have many prints of old Masters as well as frames and mats of all different sizes. As was in the process of ridding all of them when I was re-painting/redecorating our bedroom. I took one of the prints and framed it with a larger mat so only a portion of the print showed and hung it on our wall. I like it. To me, is gives a a nice intentional focus through a different impression and scale. And I didn’t have to go out and purchase something new. Similarly, I was able to “find” a desired small bedroom chair for our Cape house by re-assessing an inherited chair I was going to discard. So now, an old, dark-wood, dusty, needlepoint-seat chair has two new lives as a painted white, beachy, bedroom chair and a lovely needlepoint pillow.

I guess it is all in the re-framing and looking at the potential of an object. Turns out re-framing is a good way to look at our lives and situations. Especially when we feel overwhelmed by life and all its travails.

In Psychology they call it cognitive reframing: “Reframing is a technique used by counselors to shift a client’s view of a particular problem, event, or person. It is based on the assumption that when clients are able to view a situation from another perspective, opportunities for finding alternative, acceptable solutions to their problems increase.”

One of the ultimate cognitive re-framers is Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor. Frankl lost everything- his wife, his family, his possessions and most of the people around him yet Frankl “kept his mind active, planning the lectures he would give after his release, using the material from the death camps to illustrate points he wanted to teach. As a devoted teacher, his careful, deliberate planning of his future lectures kept his spirit and body alive in hideous deadening conditions.”

He demonstrated a giant reframe of a horrific experience: He looked at his situation and transformed it by re-focusing on ways the experience could help others find hope.

Of course, I hope, none of us has or is experiencing the horrific times that Mr. Frankl did, but the lesson of reframing can be applied to our lives. Can we step back from our experience and see it through the lens of someone else? Can we take a long view of our situation? Will this (whatever the “this” is affecting your life currently) be important to me in five years?

In some ways it reminds me of Dorothy and her learning that there is “no place like home”. By reframing, we realize that we already possess the ability and the attitude in our mental “homes”. Just like I already had the chair that was a good fit for our beach home. I just had see the potential and look at the chair in a different light. We just have to learn how to view our circumstances a little bit differently.

For me, it is also a recognition that through God’s grace, I can renew my mind through the transformative power of the Holy Spirit. While I may possess ability and attitude, I need some help. After all, Jesus was the ultimate re-framer. He helps us to view our situation with His perspective. In doing so, we become more like Him and more like the self that God intended us to be.

I am also wondering if we should think about re-framing when considering others? Not that we have the right or power to change someone but what would it look like if we re-framed our thoughts about one another? Like our narrowing down the print to only focus on one aspect of the painting, what if we only focused on the encouraging aspect of someone else? Or viewed them in light of their potential? How could we encourage them to be the best versions of themselves?

What about you? Have you ever re-framed your situation? What did it look like? Did it help you survive whatever you were experiencing? Are there attitudes about others or even yourself that need re-focusing?

The beauty of re-framing is that is doesn’t cost us much- just the effort. But the outcomes can be priceless.

Click here for a rather long article about all types of reframing one’s thoughts.

Virginia Ruth 3/31/21 Virginia Ruth 3/31/21

Enough

I’ve been struck lately with the idea of [having] enough: enough vaccine, PPE, food, water, clothing, shelter, time, friends, family, money, talent. You name it, we can quantify it and determine if there is enough to go around. Sadly, in many cases around the world there isn’t enough.

But what does enough really mean? The official definition is “as much or as many as required”, but that still begs the question, What is required? For some people or at least as evident by the amount of material things in their possession, required means a whole lot of everything-money, cars, televisions, clothes, real estate. For others it might mean friends, offspring, or extended family or just enough of the basics- food, water, shelter, or good health.

I’ve heard it said that if we approach life with the idea that there is “enough” to go around, we will be more likely to share and to recognize that there is enough for all. We become in tune to what is enough for our own needs and can then be in a position to offer enough to someone else. We start to recognize the extra that we have and how it can be used by someone else. There is a feeling of joy with the gift of sharing.

Paul reminds us that “your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply you need… ‘Whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack.’” (2 Corinthians 8:14) In some ways, it is the “what goes around, comes around” idea of sharing.

I guess I might be thinking this way as my husband and I have entered another chapter of our lives. The boys are grown, we are hitting our strides in our respective work and we are in a position to reflect and decide where we want to focus our energies, time, talent and resources. There is a joy in feeling that we have “enough” and that we can be in a position to help others so that they may achieve their “enough”.

I have also been struck with the word “enough” and how it can also be used to state fullness or sufficiency as well as reaching a critical mass. During these pandemic times I have heard from many who have had “enough”; enough of the lock down, enough of the hand washing, enough of the isolation, enough of the wishing for better times. Sometimes in this meaning of "having enough”, there is a finality and feeling of despair and lack of hope.

But, there is also the “By golly, I have had enough and am ready to move on…” meaning of “I have had enough.”

So what is our next step? Or do we first need to determine what is enough for ourselves? If we have [had] enough- whether that is fullness, satiation or reached the end of our limits, what do we do next?

I think practicing simplicity helps us determine what is enough with our material items. There are many different ideologies on how to live simply. Overall it is a state of mind that creates space and margins in our lives- physically, emotionally and spiritually. Richard Foster defines it, “an inward reality that manifests in an outward lifestyle”.

I know that in the physical realm, I am revisiting the idea of “enough stuff”. As much as we espoused to voluntary simplicity in our lives and strived to live with that mindset, I am ashamed to say that many things have expanded and accumulated in our household. Once again we are in the process of de-cluttering and freeing up space. It does create a lightness of being. By clearing out, it helps in discerning what is truly necessary, meaningful and beautiful in our lives. It affords us to think in terms of quality not quantity.

Simplicity and the idea of “what is enough” can also be used in our emotional state. I am always amazed at how many things we, as a society, get worked up about. We make things much harder than they seem or need to be. When one really looks at life, it all comes down to simple practices- whether exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, honest relationships, empathy and being grateful.

One thing that seems to be universal with being grateful is focusing on our “haves”- what are the things that we have in our lives? (rather than what we do not have). Seems to me that when I focus on what I do have, I realize that I have enough. More than enough. I do not have to feel competitive for resources for I am satisfied with what I have.

The following is an interesting TED talk about the idea of enough. While I might not totally agree with all that he says, I certainly see his point. He does raise my consciousness about what is enough as I go through my day. Click here to watch.

What about you? Have you had enough? Emotionally? Physically? Mentally? Have you ever been in want? Are you still? Have you ever been in a position to give-away- items, money, resources, time? How did that make you feel?

Click here for a good article about practical gratitude exercises.

Very interesting website that speaks to simplicity in many aspects of our lives: Click here.

Virginia Ruth 3/24/21 Virginia Ruth 3/24/21

Good Grief?

Is there such a thing as “Good Grief”? When I hear that expression, my first thought is of Lucy from the Peanuts comic. Seemed as if Lucy said it often to her brother Charlie Brown. Mostly she said it in irritation at him and his actions or lack of actions.

According to the online Oxford dictionary “good grief” means, an exclamation of irritation, frustration, or surprise. Euphemism for “Good God!”.

Lately, I feel that “good grief” captures my mood: I am trying to work out good, healthy ways to grieve the different losses we have faced over the last couple of years and my frustration with myself that I am not doing it well.

This week will be the fifth anniversary of my mother’s sudden death. The other three parents were lost through a longer period of mental degeneration of dementia/Alzheimers. Either way, there is a noticeable loss in our lives. There was a time when the parents were whole, functioning and dwelling among us and then there is not.

While I have read, studied and worked with grief counselors, I realize that I need to revisit some information to give myself permission to grieve and to recognize that just because I may have “head” knowledge doesn’t mean that it has registered in my “heart”. Lately I feel that I am at sea. Those of you who have sailed on a sunfish may remember that if you do not put the centerboard down, the boat will slide back and forth in the wind. I feel like a sunfish without the centerboard down- drifting along with no clear navigation of my little life vessel.

In addition to our beloved parents, there has been other types of loss and grief: expectations, goals, dreams, roles. For instance, my role as caregiver has shifted. No longer do I need to move from problem, project or situation. At this point in our lives, it is back to just my husband and myself. While it is rather refreshing to not have all the responsibilities, it does make me think about who I am as for many, many years I was defined by my caregiving.

With all the things I have heard and read about grief, here are some take-aways that resonate with me:

Give yourself time and permission to grieve-intentionally give yourself space to grieve: ex. fifteen minutes each day or at a certain location
There is no one way to grieve
Take care of oneself: eating well, physical exercise, sleep
There are all types of grief, not just the obvious like a child or spouse dying.
It is normal to experience physical feelings- gut punch, nausea/vomit, lack of appetite, insomnia, brain fog

I found it interesting that there are at least ten categories of grief. According to whatsyourgrief.com they are labelled: Prolonged, Anticipatory, Masked, Secondary, Cumulative, Inhibited, Ambiguous, Complicated, Normal, Traumatic, Abbreviated, Exaggerated, Absent, Collective. The definitions of said categories are what you would expect and as the names imply.

The following information has been a helpful reminder as I am trying to navigate the future with the heaviness of grief and loss. Kubler-Ross has become the classic go-to for grief but I thought the other psychologists have interesting theories that reflect my experience. In addition to these, there are other theories and explanations out there.

Five Stages of Grief* (*https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/grief)

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five linear stages of grief:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Kubler-Ross originally developed this model to illustrate the process of bereavement. Yet she eventually adapted the model to account for any type of grief. Kubler-Ross noted that everyone experiences at least two of the five stages of grief. She acknowledged that some people may revisit certain stages over many years or throughout life.

Four Tasks of Mourning

Psychologist J. W. Worden also created a stage-based model for coping with the death of a loved one. He divided the bereavement process into four tasks:

To accept the reality of the loss
To work through the pain of grief
To adjust to life without the deceased
To maintain a connection to the deceased while moving on with life

Dual Process Model

As an alternative to the linear stage-based model, Margaret Stroebe and Hank Schut developed a dual process model of bereavement. They identified two processes associated with bereavement:

Loss-oriented activities and stressors are those directly related to the death. These include:

Crying
Yearning
Experiencing sadness, denial, or anger
Dwelling on the circumstances of the death
Avoiding restoration activities

Restoration-oriented activities and stressors are associated with secondary losses. They may involve lifestyle, routine, and relationships. Restoration-oriented processes include:

Adapting to a new role
Managing changes in routine
Developing new ways of connecting with family and friends
Cultivating a new way of life.

Stroebe and Schut suggest most people will move back and forth between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented activities.

What about you? Are you experiencing any “good grief” this season? Loss from the pandemic? Family? Job? Friends? Expectations? Goals? Future? What have you found to be helpful through your loss?

It has also occurred to me that the definition of “good grief” includes surprise. It makes me think that there are surprises, some unforeseen benefits that may come out of our grief. While things may be painful, I am also aware to be on the lookout for those “good grief” moments: surprising times when the unexpected happens.

Other resources:

physiological: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/survive-anything/201906/good-grief
https://nickwignall.com/grief/

Virginia Ruth 3/17/21 Virginia Ruth 3/17/21

Blessing of Kindness

The power of kindness can go a long way. Yet it seems as if our society gravitates towards the path of unkindness : cruel words, destructive behavior, disregard of others and harmful actions. While I am sure we can chalk it up to original sin, after a while we cannot keep abdicating our duties as human beings with that excuse. Science has shown that kindness is good for our health. When one is kind, it releases oxytocin, a hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter. It produces the “feel good” sensation. Kindness elevates oxytocin levels. The increased levels decreases stress and anxiety and can help build trust and overall psychological stability. We are wired to care for one another, help one another, and to live together in harmony. While our nature might be to harm and pull apart, we were originally made to be together.

What does kindness mean to you? Can you define it? In some ways, it is one of those words/concepts that is defined by examples and expressions: milk of human kindness; kindness of strangers; random acts of kindness; out of the kindness of one’s heart; to kill one with kindness. While we may not be able to define it we can state like Justice Potter’s Stewarts infamous quote, “I know it when I see it.”

According to dictionary.cambridge.org, kindness means: the quality of being generous, helpful, and caring about other people, or an act showing this quality. Kindness synonyms are affection, gentleness, tenderness, goodwill, or concern. Being considerate implies being kind and thoughtful. In the Christian tradition it is considered a fruit of the Spirit- meaning that it is a by-product and example of God/Holy Spirit working in one’s life. While God has made us in His image (male/female) and therefore we have kindness in our DNA, our broken world has prevented us from exhibiting kindness all the time. We need God’s help.

I was struck with the image a dear friend sent to me: Yo-Yo Ma playing his cello during his fifteen-minute post-vaccine wait. While other people might bring a book or magazine while they wait, he brought his cello. What a generous and kind thing to do- providing some comfort and uplifting music and turning a mundane, potentially anxiety producing experience to one of calm and peace. Beautiful music can uplift the hearers to a different mental state. Mr. Ma didn’t have to do that. He could’ve just waited quietly, reading a book or checking his phone. He could’ve been in his own private, isolated zone and no one would’ve thought poorly of him. Yet, he chose to be generous with his talents and to share them with others.

Kindness is contagious. When we hear, see or witness others’ kind treatment of people, we can be inspired to continue that train of thought and action. No wonder we all smile and feel good when we encounter kindness. All those feel good hormones being released. In honor of kindness and gifts- I offer you the following words that I find inspiring:

Kindness is selfless, compassionate, and merciful; its greatest power revealed in practice to our enemies and amongst the least of these. Love your neighbor; show kindness to EVERYONE. —— www.geneva.com

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. —-Audrey Hepburn

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. —-Lao Tzu

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. ` ——Ralph Waldo Emerson

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. —-Aesop

What about you? Have you witnessed kindness recently? What was it? Did you receive it? Did you offer it to someone else? How can you add a little kindness into your life? Into the lives of family, friends, neighbors or strangers? How can you use a talent or gift to bless others today?

Find out more on how to practice kindness: www.randomactsofkindness.org

Virginia Ruth 3/10/21 Virginia Ruth 3/10/21

Spaciousness

What have you learned this past year? Anything? Or has this year been one of endurance- just get through it? Have you spent anytime in reflection? Has anything become important to you? Health? Time? Family? Friends? Faith?

The other Sunday I heard a poet being interviewed on Krista Tippett’s On Being. It was a rebroadcast from an earlier show. The poet was using a word she had heard from a Japanese student: yutori- meaning living with spaciousness. The whole concept of the word is to live life in the moment and not be rushed or pressed for time. An example of yutori is when you leave early to get somewhere in order that once there, you can have time to look around. Yutori is an intentionality to our schedule that allows us to be present and not rushed. In essence- to give yourself wiggle room.

The concept of living with spaciousness resonated with me. I need to remember it especially during this transition of moving out of isolation/Covid time into a new “normal”. I view my life with the demarcation of pre-Covid, rushed and feeling that I did not have any time and Covid, a feeling that time is not rushed at all. This past year, I have found it is easy to lose track of time when there are no set appointments or schedules. I have no clue to the day of the week, much less what day of the month it might be. In fact, I am hesitant to go back to any pre-Covid type of schedule and am anxious to have re-gatherings. Not so much for any type of contagion but rather the fear of being sucked into the vortex of the tyranny of the urgent and all things that scheduling appointments, meetings, and gatherings entail.

One of the blessings of the Covid shut-down is that I have had to slow down. I didn’t realize how much my schedule was packed until it no longer was. I have had time for reflection and thinking.

I have been thinking that I would like to extend the concept of living with spaciousness to more than just my day planner. I would like to experience spaciousness in my thoughts, my time, my actions and to some extent, my physical surroundings. It is interesting that Covid has brought not just a halt to our schedules but also provided us with the physical reminder of buffers. For just like we need to distance ourselves to remain healthy, we need the idea of distancing with our thoughts, actions and even physical surroundings- to give ourselves space to thrive. It is in those spaces that we give ourselves latitude to plan, to dream, to build relationships, and to live into our purpose.

For me, I find writing in a journal the best way to buffer my thoughts. I can remove the “stuff” that is swirling in my brain and leave room for other ideas to take shape. It is through the journal that I can lay out my future plans and give myself time and space before enacting them.

I also find that when I have physical space- lack of clutter around me, I can concentrate better. Perhaps you have noticed, many are de-cluttering during this time. Whether intentional or just following society’s home improvement trend, it is not a bad idea. It is literally providing spaciousness in one’s home/office which can also be incorporated for post-Covid living. Providing “distance” with our belongings lets us see what we have and to decide what we need and don’t need.

I like one of the explanations to needing to declutter- If you have to move things around to accomplish a task at home or office or feel overwhelmed by all your things, then you might want to think about de-cluttering and adding some “space” to your physical space. Of course, now that whole households- work spaces and school rooms- are under one roof, de-cluttering may take on a whole different meaning and form. The psychology of clutter can be tied to procrastination- sorting and tossing out an item can be unpleasant to people and avoided at all costs. The more things pile up, the more out of control one feels and the more one avoids the inevitable. But, the benefits of tackling clutter can outweigh those inertia feelings.

I also like the idea of building space into our schedules. In the pre-Covid time management plan, it would be suggested to add travel time in-between meetings. But, with teleworking, it still is important to place time blocks into our days. Our son is taking medical school classes online. He says many of the professors go over the allotted class time because they think the students don’t have to move from one classroom to anther. With everything back to back, they have no time to digest what is being taught much less shift papers around before the next barrage of information is given.

But we could practice implementing travel time into our schedules. If one “arrives” early for a meeting or gathering (even if it is social), there is time to take a deep breath, think about what is going to happen, perhaps say a prayer or two before engaging in conversation or activity. Maybe before any interaction we should always take some time to say a mantra, quote or Bible verse. Even if it is just a reminder to “choose to be kind” before we enter into a new situation.

I think one of the true tenets of living with spaciousness is in providing space for others to grow. It might mean that we give others space to make mistakes as well as space to succeed. Living with spaciousness is not just in how we manage our time but in how we give others room to be the best version of themselves.

What about you? What lessons from Covid have you learned? Anything you want to continue in the post-Covid world? How are you with your time? Do you live with spaciousness? If so, what does that look like?

Yutori is also defined as “a state with sufficiency and ease”. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a good state of mind to me.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)

Virginia Ruth 3/3/21 Virginia Ruth 3/3/21

Book Power

Read any good books lately? That would be a question that used to be asked of people. Nowadays it is more a question of, what are you streaming? While I have thoughts about television watching and movie streaming, I will save that for another day.

Are you reading? Have you cracked a spine of a book recently? During Covid shut-down, I have had to download books onto my iPad since the library is closed. It has taken me a while to get used to e-books and while they have their usage I am not a huge fan. I still like the smell of a book, the rustling of turned pages, the weight of it in my hand and the ability to quickly see my progress as my book marker gets deeper and deeper into the folds.

What are your favorite books? If you cannot get to a library or bookstore for any new ones, do you have some old favorites you like to revisit? I have friends who have perennial favorites and read them at certain times of the year.

A favorite story and characters can bring much comfort and joy especially in uncertain times. But stories are also good for our brain health. Not only do stories actively transport our minds but they release all sorts of chemicals in our brains: dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin. * A story structure helps us think spatially and can increase our attention span. Different styles of reading can develop different patterns in our brain and reading in a foreign language can actually grow our brain. When we read, we are actively engaged and immersed in the story almost as if we were actually there, rather than passively “seeing” a video about the experience.

I would much rather read a book first and then see a movie. Once viewed, I can never re-read the book without hearing the actors’ voices and visualizing the costumes and setting in my head. I will probably never be able to re-read Pride and Prejudice without Colin Firth in my head.

Recently, we watched the new All Creature Great and Small series on PBS. When I was little I remember the book lying on my grandmother’s coffee table. She enjoyed those stories. She could immerse herself into a good book- oblivious to anything around her as she giggled or gasped, visibly reacting to the plot. Later in life, during one of her hospitalizations, she was reading the autobiography of Willard Scott. She kept laughing with her infectious giggles, so much so, that her roommate was insistent to know what book she was reading and promptly instructed her husband to get her the same.

My husband and I have enjoyed the All Creatures books and the original BBC series. In fact, we named our first Jack Russell after the incorrigible but charming younger brother, Tristan. With the new series, we have returned to reading the books. I must admit, now when I read the stories I hear either Robert Hardy or Samuel West as the mercurial Siegfried. What we find with these charming stories, is that there is universal appeal about a character or situation: it becomes another reference point in our family conversations. Much like Miss Marple who could extrapolate the suspect due to similar characteristics found in a resident of her small village St Mary Mead, we find certain quotes from All Creatures (or other books and films) that sum up an experience we are having.

There is something to having a story that explains a truth about a situation. Madeleine L’Engle would say that there is truth in story, not that the story is entirely factual. Many times I find it is easier to explain ideas, concepts, corrections to others and myself through a story. I suppose that is why Jesus used stories, aka parables, in His explanation of the world, God and how one is to live in the world.

What about you? What books have you read lately? What books do you want to read? What type of genre do you like? Crime fiction? Historical novels? Mysteries? Romances? Classics? Foreign? Graphic novels? Biographies? Histories? If it has been a while that you found yourself picking up a book, why not check out your local library online or a local independent bookstore. Pick up a book by a local author. Dust off your old copy of one of your favorites.

Today, why not indulge yourself in the gift of reading.

* https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-wise/201605/great-stories-release-brain-chemicals

Virginia Ruth 2/24/21 Virginia Ruth 2/24/21

Habit Stacking

The other day I heard a little quip on the radio. A physician was talking about staying healthy during this challenging pandemic. He mentioned a practice called “habit stacking”. Instead of getting rid of bad habits or attempting a whole new one, why not incorporate a habit alongside something you already do?

I liked that idea. The physician gave examples of more physical practices- doing pushups before taking a shower, performing squats while brushing teeth. His suggestions were not originally his. Turns out there is a book by the same name (no surprise) called Habit Stacking by S.J.Scott.

It seems like a doable and easy plan- add one extra thing to what you already do. In a way it reminds me of the “sneak the zucchini into the bread because you cannot taste it anyway” mentality- a simple act that you will hardly even notice but can provide some benefits.

But I was thinking of other habit stacking items we could do- offering a pleasant comment to the salesclerk, saying hello to the people you pass on the street, giving a quick prayer of daily thanks when you roll out of bed.

Just recently I have also heard about “atomic habits”. Again, the idea that small changes can compound one on a trajectory of self-improvement. Like all psychology, the theories make sense when you think about your own life. Unknowingly, I have been able to make changes by doing that. For example, when I wanted to increase my water intake I started drinking a glass upon arising and an extra glass before I refill my coffee cup. Before I knew it, I was drinking my allotted water amount.

What about you? What habits do you want to cultivate? What small change can you incorporate with something you already do? Work-related? Health-related? Relationship-wise? What do you currently do that would be easy to “stack” on another habit?

Life is paradoxical. Sometimes the hardest things are the simple ones. And sometimes the biggest changes occur with the littlest actions.

Virginia Ruth 2/17/21 Virginia Ruth 2/17/21

Words and Actions

Do what you say. Say what you mean. Mean what you do.

Shortly after our one son started working in his first “real” job post college he called up, “Why don’t people do their jobs?” he asked.

“Welcome to the adult world,” we replied.

Lately I have just about had it with the “adult world” of business- the adults who do not do their jobs-broken promises, zippo customer service, no accountability or follow through. It is a wonder if anyone wants to make a living much less make any money.

It just gets my goat when a business, to whom I plan on paying money, fails to arrange the details of said business (either a good or service) and appear that they do not even care about making money. For example, I am still waiting a call back from a local appliance store in response to my inquiry of a dryer that I am ready to purchase. In essence, give them money. I left a message for the sales department- over four weeks ago. I know that appliances are hard to get but just a phone call back with an explanation would be businesslike.

In contrast, at another local appliance store in response to an inquiry about their dryer, I was told that I would receive a call back in about ten minutes. And I did. I have also been apprised of the status of the appliance throughout the purchase process.

When I have good customer service, I am truly AMAZED. I am so excited that I am ready to give the salesperson a hug, an incredible tip, and tell the boss to give them a raise. But then I think, “Isn’t that the point of a business transaction? I give them money in exchange for a good or service? To answer the phone, call back when one says one will, find out the details for the logistics of the good or service? Isn’t that how business is done?

I know that I am not alone in my frustration. But where does it derive? I really don’t think it is because we, as a society, are so incredibly lazy and do not want to work. I hope not.

But we have probably witnessed the lack of accountability and follow through even outside of business, in our social networks, community engagements, volunteer efforts or family. I have heard many people say that having the instant communication of texting negates having to make definitive plans. It is easy to cancel plans as other more “interesting” are offered last minute. “That’s just how it is nowadays..” is the refrain.

Then again, I know folks who are like a badger with their responsibilities. Even upon the demise of personal health, they will not relinquish a commitment. Admirable sure, but is that healthy?

Or you hear those who sound like the elaborate proclamations or promises in film and books. “As God is my witness… I’ll never be hungry again.” (Scarlett O’Hara) It makes good drama but not real life.

So, what are we to do? How are we to navigate our words and actions? Do we commit to the point of death or never commit to anything?

As much I had drilled into me and I in turn, drilled into our boys about responsibility and commitments, admittedly, if I say I will do something, there is more of a chance that I won’t do it. I don’t know why it is but I have noticed that if I pre-announce an intention, it most likely won’t happen. Or at least not in the timeframe I stated. It is better for me to say nothing, carry on with the obligation and then afterwards, share what I did.

I think Jesus said it best. Jesus said, “Let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay”. [Matthew 5:37] There is a simplicity with the yes or no statements. He also reminds me that being accountable and responsible with my words and actions starts out simply. It is through small actions and promises kept that build a foundation of integrity. When larger, more involved vows and oaths are required, we are able because we have “muscle memory” of being honest and principled.

He wasn’t saying that one shouldn’t take an oath. Rather, to not make such an elaborate one that contains loopholes and lacks sincerity. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Have clarity in your communication. Follow through with what is said. Hold yourself and others accountable.

What about you? Have you had enough of the “adult world” and its business? How are you with clarity of speech? With following through? With accountability? Are there things you said you would do? Have you done it? Are there commitments that you keep doing when it really isn’t necessary, helpful or even healthy? What sense of obligation do you have? Because of accountability or sentimentality?

One thing that I know I sometimes forget when I read about Jesus’ words and sayings- He doesn’t expect us to live those words in a vacuum. We are not alone in how we are to respond to them. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us and help us in our commitments and oaths. We have the Holy Spirit even, and especially, in our business practices.

Unfortunately, in today's world we have to be reminded that the power of an oath derives from the fact that in it we ask God to bear witness to the promises we make with the implicit expectation that He will hold us accountable for the manner in which we honor them. - Author: James L. Buckley

Virginia Ruth 2/10/21 Virginia Ruth 2/10/21

Finally Home

I would in no way suggest that a rescue dog is like an adopted child. However, there are some similarities in the anticipation and eagerness that awaits the approval process and arrival of the little one. Monday afternoon we got the okay to have a meet and greet with “our” dog in his foster setting with the option to take him home immediately afterwards.

We have been dog owners for a total of forty-five years (give or take some time off between pups). All of them have had long, and we like to think, wonderful lives. We have loved them all deeply and hopefully well.

But, it has been a long time since we have had a new one in the house. It is not like riding a bicycle. I have forgotten how to establish routines and discipline. Although I wonder if we ever did know? Anyone who knew us with our other dogs would probably say that we never established routines or disciplines with our scoundrels. Sad to say, we were probably more disciplined and scheduled with our boys than the dogs.

Introducing Scuppers. Our little sailor dog…

So, today we have Scuppers in our household. For those of you who may remember or who have little ones, the name comes from the Little Golden Book by Margaret Wise Brown, The Sailor Dog. Our little Scuppers is a mutt: seems to have some Chihuahua, Terrier and even Italian greyhound in the mix but we really do not know. He is compact but slightly bigger than our other dogs even though he weighs about the same. He is very well behaved and so far, a good citizen of the house. We have just begun the “two-week shut-down” strongly suggested by the rescue organization, where he is on a leash in the house and is always by my or my husband’s side. While a little skittish, he is more curious about his surroundings than frightened. He likes to play. He retrieves squeaky toys and wants to engage in tugs-of-war. His tearing into the stuffed animals and shaking of his head looks classic terrier to me. He likes to snuggle but hasn’t assumed leaping into my lap unannounced. We are smitten.

For our little pup, we wonder what his life was like before he was found on a lonesome county road in Texas. Was he hungry? Frightened? Mistreated? How did he survive? In looking up the address, it is so remote that there are no street views from Google. The town’s population was around 600 in the last census. In his minimal paper work, his background is sketchy. Was he dumped on the side of the road? Or just let go from someone who moved and couldn’t take him with them?

Scuppers makes me think of family and those we love and how we determine connection, care and sense of belonging with one another. Is it out of an obligatory genetic or blood bond? Or is there something more? What happens when our family lets us down? Do we only love and care for one another because we expect the same in return?

As humans, we have a responsibility to be stewards of animals and our natural world. We care for their wellbeing through practical actions. They return the care through their unconditional love. In some ways it seems easier to love animals than our fellow humans.

Within genetically bonded families there is no guarantee that one will be cared for and loved. Many go hungry, are frightened and mistreated within their own families. Many are rejected and tossed out. There are many people, who if asked, feel like strays within their own families.

I think of the earliest families noted in the Bible. Boy, talk about dysfunctional. But even within those stories, God was working in the dysfunction, calling the family back to himself, teaching them how to care and love one another and using them in creating a larger functional family, one in which all belong.

Unfortunately, humans have a tendency to group: saying we are finding common ground when if we are really honest, it is way of keeping ourselves above others. There are some people who are “in” or “acceptable” and some who are not. We can find ways to exclude fellow humans and not be in any position to love them. It is very easy for us to point out our differences, our “mutt mixtures” and say this group came from a broken background or the wrong neighborhood or are too unpredictable and unstable. It is too easy to say that because of those issues, there is no hope for change.

But, there is always the possibility of change in the right environment. Nature versus nurture. In many arguments about these two entities, there is equal weight assigned to change in the nature versus nurture: 50% of genetics cannot be changed- meaning 50% can. Likewise 50% of one’s background cannot be changed, but 50% can going forward. There is truth to the self-fulfilling prophecy- If we say often enough that certain people will always be one way or another and it is preset either through genetics or societal development, we do not allow possibility of change to occur. But it is also true if we encourage, love and set people up for success, change can happen.

It does make me think of how God is calling us to be people in community. To be people who, while we may not have any obvious familial obligations, should try to get along and care for one another. If we think about it, all of us are “mutt mixtures” and come from some type of dysfunction. Yet God loves us anyway. If God allows us to belong, how can we deny someone else? How beautiful to think that each of us can bring a different variety, skill, or interest to the “familial” table.

What about you? Do you feel that you are sitting at the “familial” table? Do you feel finally home? With your family or friends? With your sense of belonging? What is missing?

Watching Scuppers sleep, I want to tell him that he can rest now. He is finally home. I think that is what God is wanting to tell each one of us. No longer do we need to feel scared, lost or lonely. We belong to a diverse family of God. It might not be a family into which we were born but one by which we find ourselves surrounded- our community or our neighborhood.

We belong because God loved us first. We do not have to do anything special or be anyone special. We just have to believe that God loves us and has done everything so that we can just come and be with Him and His family. We do not have to be in competition with one another and be afraid that only a certain kind will be chosen. We can relax because everyone belongs. And we can keep an open seat for someone else because there is more than enough room at the table.

Virginia Ruth 2/3/21 Virginia Ruth 2/3/21

Winter Walking

Looking out our back door during the lull in the weather.

This week we have had a winter storm in our neck of the woods. Compared to many places in the US, we didn’t see too much snow accumulation. What we generally get in our area is ice. There is always the discussion in our household- to shovel the sidewalk immediately, once the snow has come down or to wait until afterwards especially if sleet and freezing rain come later? We have tried both ways. If the snow is removed and then the rain freezes on the clear walk, it is slick as a smelt. If there is a crust of ice on top of snow, generally one can stomp, break the ice and have some traction with the snow underneath but it is more difficult to shovel with all the snow/ice/snow/ice layers.

Needless to say, this weather has caused me to think about winter.

Last week, January 25th was Robert Burns night in Scotland. I've been reading some of his poems. He was quite prolific- over 500 poems/songs in his 37 years of life. He was a popular and famous poet during his lifetime in addition to being a farmer, father to fourteen children and by all accounts, a ladies’ man. (“His biographer, DeLancey Ferguson, had said, it was not so much that he was conspicuously sinful as that he sinned conspicuously.”*1)

I thought his poem about winter to be fitting for the cloudy and cold weather we have been experiencing. While the end of the poem seems depressing, it does remind me of how weather can determine our moods. No surprise that the blues can be equated with the darker, grey-type days.

What I like about the poem is Burns’ honesty. In some ways it reminds me of the honesty of the psalmist’s heart although Burns was not a religious man. There are times when we feel that life and even the weather is conspiring against us. We have a feeling of resignation when it is a “joyless winter-day.” I was somewhat disappointed that Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow yesterday- six more weeks of winter. My internal “ugh” sounded like a winter dirge.

Winter: A Dirge

by Robert Burns

The wintry west extends his blast,
And hail and rain does blaw;
Or, the stormy north sends driving forth
The blinding sleet and snaw:
While tumbling brown, the burn comes down,
And roars frae bank to brae;
And bird and beast in covert rest,
And pass the heartless day.

The sweeping blast, the sky o'ercast,
The joyless winter-day,
Let others fear, to me more dear
Than all the pride of May:
The tempest's howl, it soothes my soul,
My griefs it seems to join;
The leafless trees my fancy please,
Their fate resembles mine!

Thou Pow'r Supreme, whose mighty scheme
These woes of mine fulfil,
Here, firm, I rest, they must be best,
Because they are Thy will!
Then all I want (O, do Thou grant
This one request of mine!)
Since to enjoy Thou dost deny,
Assist me to resign.

The poem was copied into Burns's Commonplace Book, with the following remarks:

As I am what the men of the world, if they knew such a man, would call a whimsical mortal, I have various forms of pleasure and enjoyment which are in a manner peculiar to myself, or some here and there such out-of-the-way person. Such is the peculiar pleasure I take in the season of Winter more than the rest of the year. This, I believe, may be partly owing to my misfortunes giving my mind a melancholy cast; but there is something even in the

Mighty tempest, and the heavy waste,
Abrupt, and deep, stretched o'er the buried earth.

which raises the mind to a serious sublimity favourable to everything great and noble. There is scarcely any object gives me more -- I do not know if I should call it pleasure -- but something which exalts me -- something which enraptures me -- to walk in the sheltered side of a wood, or high plantation, in a cloudy winter day, and hear the stormy wind howling among the trees and raving over the plain. It is my best season for devotion; my mind is rapt up in a kind of enthusiasm to Him, who, in the pompous language of the Hebrew bard, 'Walks on the wings of the wind.' In one of these seasons, just after a train of misfortunes, I composed these lines.*2

During the recent snowfall, my husband and I took a walk in the wintry weather. Once bundled up, it was nice to traverse through the hushed streets and to see the forgotten-to-take-down Christmas lights twinkling through the layer of snow on the bushes. It felt good to move around even if it was a grey day. I like Burns explanation of his poem and his feeling “enraptured” in his walk. It is almost as if the walk was able to help him cope through his train of misfortune. I know that our walk helped us get out of our heads and give us some perspective.

Burns’ poem reminds me of the Psalm (Psalm 30:5), “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” All of us this year have probably experienced some type of nightly weeping: deaths, illnesses, losses and general sadness. It might seem to us that we are experiencing a train of misfortunes too- one disaster after another. We might feel that the “night” of this pandemic will never be over and that a new day will never dawn. Yet, morning does follow night. Joy does come after weeping. Spring comes after winter.

What about you? How are you this winter day? Experiencing a train of misfortune? Feeling blue? Feeling grey? Having a “joyless winter-day”? What can you do to turn it around? What brings you joy? What can you do to gain perspective of life? How does the natural world shape your mood?

In the meantime, embrace the day- whatever it brings. And if all else fails- take a winter walk.

*1https://poets.org/poet/robert-burns

*2The Poetical Works Of Robert Burns
Copyright 1910
Ward, Lock, and Co., Ltd https://www.litscape.com/author/Robert_Burns/Winter_A_Dirge.html

Virginia Ruth 1/27/21 Virginia Ruth 1/27/21

A Tribute

The best mother-in-law one could imagine.

“She was a lovely lady.”

Yesterday we received the call that we had been anticipating for days, weeks even months. My wonderful mother-in-law was called to her eternal home. While it came as no surprise, it still is a shock as our lives were so intwined. Many of our life choices were decided with her in mind. We were her only family and we loved her.

In thinking about her, her life and our relationship, I think the words that others have described her in sending us their condolences, truly captures who she was: she was a lovely lady.

She wasn’t born to any grand estate but she was raised with a certain decorum and expectation of how one behaved. Manners were key. The true meaning of manners-of kindness, thoughtfulness and putting others before you.

She had seen hardship and disappointment in her life yet I never heard her complain or moan about it. As a child of the Depression, her father lost his job and she lived with her grandparents away from her parents as her father trained for another career. She was shuttled around and attended different schools. It was only in her dementia state that we learned that she always felt like the group outsider: with her declining faculties and executive function, she would be “wounded” when she thought the other residents on her floor didn’t say hello or speak to her. Or she would accuse them of laughing at her. She couldn’t comprehend that those other residents didn’t mean what they said or did. They too were experiencing a decline in their health. We just had to murmur reassurances to her. At one point, she had gotten herself worked up, “I don’t even think that that are Christians!”

But generally, she felt very blessed. She married the love of her life. They had 67 “fairy tale” (her description) years together. She had the son she wanted. (“We had difficulty with pregnancies,” she once told me. “When I finally became pregnant, I prayed that I would have a boy and that he would look just like his father. While he looks more like my father, his personality is just like his dad’s.”) She thoroughly enjoyed her two grandsons and loved the antics of the family dogs.

She was a loyal friend. A wonderful listener. A true confidant. Her friends used to say that she would’ve been a great CIA agent. If you told her something in confidence, she would not repeat it to anyone.

From the first time I met her I was impressed that she never appeared harried. Never rushed. She was meticulous with everything she did. She knew how to pace herself. One time I offered to help her and my father-in-law paint one of their bedrooms. I got to their house anticipating that this would be a long day of getting the room completed, top to bottom, since my project philosophy is to just keep at it until finished whether I am exhausted or not. (I might add that this philosophy is not recommended when living and interacting with other people.) It turned out that they were just painting the trim of the room. Not the ceiling. Not the walls. Not the windows. The job was done in about an hour. When finished I said, “What next?” “Oh, that was it,” she replied. “Want to stay for lunch?”

I was always amazed at her generosity with us. She was an only child. My husband is an only child. She never thought she would have grandchildren. She was never controlling, manipulative or demanding. They lived around the corner from us and we saw each other frequently but they never interfered. We could drop by anytime and they would welcome us with open arms.

She was lovely. The embodiment of love. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

My prayer is that I can be the kind of mother-in-law she was to me.

She was a lovely lady.

Virginia Ruth 1/20/21 Virginia Ruth 1/20/21

Historical Moments

Where were you when the storming of the Capitol took place? Heard about George Floyd? 9/11 attacks? Persian Gulf war began? Challenger disaster? Nixon resigned? Reagan, MLK, RFK, JFK shot? Or any other seared-in-your-memory events?

Last week the newscasters and journalists kept using the expression, “A week for the history books.”

That expression made me think about events that people can recall exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news. The events might be national or global but they could also be familiar.

What were the circumstances for your individual stories? When you received the phone call about…? Heard about a family or friend event? I will always remember exactly where I was, how the sky looked and the feeling in my chest when I received the phone call that my mother had died.

Stressful information can lock specifics into our brains.

According to Psychology Today, “The hippocampus, the brain region responsible for forming new memories, is particularly sensitive to cortisol. When released after an emotionally charged experience, cortisol can sear memories into our brain; it tells our brain the message was important, something that moved us enough to get excited, like the vivid recall of your whereabouts when you first heard about the September 11 tragedy.”

Hopefully we do not have high cortisol and emotionally charged experiences on a daily basis. We may be going through seasons like that, but I suspect that for most of our lives we live in “quiet desperation” as Thoreau stated. Ordinary hours which turn into days which turn into months which turn into ordinary years. Sometimes it is hard to recall exact situations or experiences.

It is in the ordinary details of life that I want to remember. I want to remember the shy, corner raised, slight smile of our son’s when he is sharing a dry witty comment, or the mirrored reaction on my husband’s and other son’s face when they share the same, tickled-a-rib anecdote.

Other days, not so much. On those days I am hoping to just move through and onto something else. Ironically it is the stressful experiences which are the ones I want to slide through. Yet, it appears that they are more of the ones that are seared into my memory and impact my behavior.

I think of those stressed induced ones that have shaped our future: no more greeting a loved one as soon as she steps off the tarmac, no more greeting others with a handshake or hug, no more freely walking into government or public buildings without the purse/bag/metal detector search.

One thing that last week has brought to the forefront- anything is possible and can happen in our world. After 2020 we should realize that we should never take any thing, any time, any person for granted- good or otherwise.

But, how should we live our lives? We cannot give up and hide. We cannot remain isolated (Covid-wise, more emotionally than physically) in the hopes that these high cortisol experiences won’t affect us. Stress is a given in our lives- both “good”- eustress and “bad”- distress. We cannot avoid stress. Just like we cannot avoid being in community and connecting to one another.

In Deuteronomy 30: 19, the Hebrew ancient writes, “I call heaven and earth to witness you today: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse — therefore choose life!” According to Rabbi Kukla, “This phrase is a classic example of a “merism,” a figure of speech that is used frequently in the Bible, where two parts or elements are used to denote the whole.” Not necessarily that it is an either/or but rather every choice we make between birth and death matters. It doesn’t matter if the choices are large or small. Every choice between birth and death impacts the life between birth and death. Same thing with stress- not necessarily an either/or to avoid one or the other but to deal with the stress as it comes.

Martin Luther King, Jr said, “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.” We are caught up with each other- whether it is through our mundane existence and our individual choices or our cortisol producing, global historical moments.

In the 2013 American Journal of Public Health article, “Giving to Others and Association Between Stress and Mortality”, the researchers concluded, “In effect, this finding suggests that, among individuals who do not help others, exposure to a stressful life event is associated with 30% increased mortality risk.*

Basically, because stress happens to all of us, if we think that we can go it alone and just hide from life we are at an increased risk of dying early. Our destiny is tied up with one another and with helping one another.

Our destiny is also tied up with stressors and reactions to stressors. Some things we will remember. Some things we will not. There are many other discussions we can have about the stressors in our lives, but for today, in this historical week, it seems as if we need to remember that we are ALL in this together. We NEED each other and we need to HELP one another.

What about you? What are some historical moments that you recall? Were they stress-producing for you? What did you do about it?

When stressful times occur, it is best to remember that ALL NEED HELP and that our posture in handling the stress, is to see where we can help. Help can come in many forms: listening, praying, providing a meal, having a civil discussion with someone who has a different (political, social or religious) point of view, wearing a mask, smiling and saying hello to a stranger. It may be on a large scale or just in the acknowledgement that we are in this historical moment together.

And wouldn’t it be a week for the history books if we all got along because we all were helping each other and had forgotten about our own personal stressors (read, agendas). That would certainly be a memory seared into our collective brains.

*https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3780662/

Virginia Ruth 1/13/21 Virginia Ruth 1/13/21

Faith Shields

But you, O Lord are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

I cried aloud to the Lord, and He answered me from his holy hill.

I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

Psalm 3

Are you like me? Wondering where this year has gone? In looking back over the things that have happened, I have no point of reference. Was it in April or September that such and such happened? This year has been memorable yet specific dates of incidences are hard to recall. In speaking with others, I hear the same thing- on one hand we are churning over so much in our heads and feeling very agitated, yet we can not release that pent up energy and in fact may feel sluggish. While we have lots of worries about life, the world, and our own personal situations, every day seems to melt into the next without any real change or activity. Sometimes I feel like the psalmist- while I do not have physical enemies around me, I feel that the emotional and spiritual ones are just as dangerous. I can get myself mentally mixed up- annoyed at my lack of motivation or lack of using my time wisely and having no focus or drive. I’ll continue my mental flagellation and start thinking that I am spending time and mental energy on the most mundane things while real issues are happening around me and work myself up into a royal mess. I feel like I am fiddling around while life is burning around me. I find that I am having trouble sleeping. And still, most of the worries and concerns are things that are totally out of my control.

In past blogs I have talked about turning worries into prayers and while I still recommend that practice, I would like to offer up an additional visual: God’s shield of faith protecting and surrounding us when the arrows of self-doubt, despair, or constant worry keep flinging into our beings.

In our Bible study this past week, we talked about a passage in the Bible that describes the metaphorical armor of God as outlined in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. (Ephesians 6: 10-20) One piece of armor that Paul describes is the shield of faith. Having faith defends us from the arrows of doubt that pierce into our souls: doubt about ourselves, the people around us, the world and God’s place in the world. I think David in Psalm 3 was describing that as well. When we have faith, it surrounds us with protection from the naysayers and the mental troublemakers in this world (even perhaps our own nay-saying).

But what was pointed out in our Bible study, we have to pick up the shield. We have to hold it. We have to claim and actually have the faith.

God’s protection with faith is not a force field, it requires some active participation of us. One of the most amazing things about God is that our faith doesn’t have to be huge. We don’t have to proceed through a series of tasks, each getting more difficult before we are rewarded with faith. We just have to believe. Just have faith. Even if we don’t have that much, we can declare like the father who asked Jesus to heal his son, “I believe; help my unbelief”. We can have the faith of a mustard seed. In the ancient world the mustard tree grew quite large but it started out as a tiny pencil point of a seed. The seed image reminds us that our faith can grow. How we start out is not how we will end. We just have to be willing to start, to pick up that shield and to hold fast and believe even as we wonder and question our unbelief.

There are times when I feel that I am holding on to the shield with all my might and other times just loosely holding it. But I do try and pick it up. While I do not understand God- certainly His ways are not my own- I trust and have faith that He is in charge, that things will work out for His purpose, good and glory and that I am privileged to be part of that plan (not designing the plan). While I still get agitated at times and wonder about this world, I can do something about it- pray and trust the shield.

One problem with the pandemic and the imposed isolation is that we are too much in our heads. Sure, we may be interacting with others through virtual meetings, social media and distanced outside venues yet I surmise that many of us spend time just by ourselves or with a very small group of people in our “pod”. While the introvert in me is quite fine with that arrangement, I do recognize that when we are too much in our thoughts there is the tendency to miss perspective and miss truth and to start doubting. We become vulnerable to the slings and arrows of our own mental poison.

The shield was invented by the Greeks to prevent harm from arrows and rocks. At the time that the Paul used a shield as a description, it most likely referred to the classic Roman shield. The interesting thing about the Roman shield was that while it protected an individual, by standing in formation and holding shields above and around the group, all would be protected. With our pandemic isolation I think we may need to reinstate the Roman testudo formation for our own and societal’s mental battles. Yes, we, individually need the shield of faith but I think only through the communal shields of faith can we protect our minds from the onslaught of false information about ourselves and others. We need to commune, to discuss, to even argue over ideas and thoughts in order to defuse the arrows of ignorance and mistrust.

What about you? How’s your mental, emotional, and physical state? Are you both agitated and paralyzed at the same time? How is your faith lately? Small? Large? Non-existence? Has recent events doubted your belief in others? In government? In God? Do you need a shield of faith? Have you ever picked one up? What was that like for you? Do you need the support of others’ shields?

What is encouraging about Psalm 3 is David’s honesty. While things are difficult for him and that he recognizes he is in real danger by picking up the shield of faith, he knows that God’s glory is seen and that God has sustained him. He can endure this difficulty through his faith in the One who hears and cares for him. Even with the trials and tribulations, David gets a good night’s sleep!

So too, we can be encouraged during this time of extreme difficulty that we need to pick up the shield of faith. We might be holding our faith loosely but we are holding it. We might be wondering if this faith thing is worthwhile, but we are willing to give it a go. We might have to continually remind ourselves to let go of our doubts, our worries and our concerns and let our faith in the One who hears us, handle the situation. We might have to reach out to others and join together in sharing our worries, concerns and faith. We might even get a good night’s sleep too!

Virginia Ruth 1/6/21 Virginia Ruth 1/6/21

Abundant Generosity

Do you know people who are exceedingly generous? The kind who, no matter what you do for them, will return the favor with even more? We know a bunch of couples like that. Not that we look at the situation as a tit -for- tat, but with one couple in question, we can never “out give” them.

I have found that God is like that. Yesterday morning my husband and I were doing our daily Bible reading and looking at the passage of Luke 5. In this chapter of Luke, there are lots of vignettes of Jesus and his movements around Galilee. The chapter starts out with Jesus getting in Simon’s (Peter) boat to speak to the crowd. He tells Simon to cast his nets on the other side of the boat. Even though Simon is incredulous to this suggestion (Master, we toiled all night and took nothing!)) he does as Jesus suggests. To his and his partners’ amazement, they haul in not just a net full of fish but one that is straining and breaking at the lines. With too many fish for his boat to handle, Simon must call his partner in the other boat to come to his aide.

What I noticed in this reading was that Simon hadn’t asked Jesus to help him with his fishing. Simon was just responding to Jesus’ request to take him out on the water so that Jesus could address the crowds in the natural amphitheater setting that formed the lake and surrounding area. Most likely Simon wasn’t thinking of receiving any great benefit in his obedience. It was probably a natural reaction and an easy action for him to fulfill.

It led me to think about the story of the loaves and fishes. A boy offers his five loaves and two fish to the disciples when they realized that there was not any way to feed the crowd. Jesus blessed that small offering of food. Not only did it feed the thousands but there were baskets of food remaining. The boy who offered his food most likely wasn’t thinking about his food being the basis for a miracle. He probably was responding to his natural childlike generosity and offered to share what he had.

What strikes me is how Jesus just doesn’t provide what is necessary. Or, in the case of the fishing, what would be a normal sized catch. Everything is abundant: pressed over and pouring forth. God is abundant. Jesus is abundant. Living a life with God allows us to be part of that abundance. For ourselves and for others. Jesus said that he came to give life and life abundantly.

Through Jesus living in us, we can have that abundant living as well as provide that abundance for others. As is the case of the small boy, little became much in the hands of the One who provides. The boy only had to share. He only had to act in a way that was natural for him. He only had to use the resources that he had.

Much like the soup I made yesterday. I had various amounts of leftovers and some random veggies in the fridge. Nothing that would provide a meal on its own, but stirred all together, those individual ingredients became a large pot of deliciousness. Enough in fact, that I was able to freeze two containers and still have a couple of lunches in the fridge.

What about you? Do you know people who are abundantly generous? How about yourself? Can you be generous with your time, talent or resources? If someone asks you for something, do you provide the bare minimal or go beyond their wildest dreams? What things in your life can you offer to God? What, when combined with the resources of others, can become life-giving?

One thing for sure, no matter what we offer back to God, we can never out give Him.

Virginia Ruth 12/30/20 Virginia Ruth 12/30/20

Running With Sherman

Running With Sherman is a book by Christopher McDougall. I first heard the story on the radio. For a little holiday inspiration and COVID uplifting, I thought of his story and sharing it with you:

Click here for the radio broadcast that explains more about Sherman’s story.

I love this story on so many levels: the animal/human connection, the human/human connection and the human/spiritual connection. I love the ideas that are embodied in the story as explained by the characteristics that make up all of us: independence-let Sherman lead and have him think the way going forward (or running) was his idea but also to find something that he, Chris also enjoyed doing; purpose- Sherman needed a purpose to get moving and the neighbor needed a purpose in his life; community- the neighbor’s purpose was running with Sherman and Sherman needed the purpose of running every day and in community with the other barnyard critters and his human friends; and perseverance and patience- Chris’s tenacity to not give up on Sherman, to hold on and to keep sticking with Sherman and the neighbor.

Once again the story reminds me how all creatures need to have purpose in their lives. Of course animals and plants in the natural world seem to know their purpose. They procreate, make a joyful noise, and grow in order to keep the species alive. We will never know if these creatures have feelings or further thoughts although animals of higher order- chimps, do have thought processes.

One could put certain Jack Russells in that category. Our two little scamps were always thinking of ways to improve their lot with food or through comfort. Our female would sit in front of her brother and bark to try and get him out of the bed or chair where he was sitting because she wanted to sit there. He would turn his head and not pay any attention to her. She would then go to the back door to be let outside. Once outside she would give her “there is a creature out here” bark. Upon hearing the call, Marley would jump down from his perch and charge outside, ready to bark and help with the intruder. While he was otherwise occupied she would quietly come back up the deck and ask to be let in. Once in, she would settle herself down in the place Marley had just left. She did it many times and he never caught on.

As we wrap up 2020 ( Do I hear a collective “thank goodness”?), I wonder if you have felt like I have at times this year, “what happened to our connection?” Things seem to be horrible with no end in sight. What is the use of our existence? Will this ever end?

I love the story of Sherman and the subsequent good turns that developed. His story provides hope in a bleak landscape. For a long time it appeared that Sherman’s future was quite bleak. He was hindered from doing what he was supposed to do through no fault of his own. Certainly there is an element of neglect in his original condition but it wasn’t due to anything he had done. I am sure that in his donkey brain he might have wondered if this was ever going to end. He became depressed and despondent.

When you think about it, it is not that much different from our own pandemic predicament. We have been hindered from moving and going about our normal business due to circumstances beyond our control. (I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was due to anyone’s neglect though.) Many of us have become despondent and depressed thinking that we will never get out of this cycle.

Yet in looking at the long game of life- we will get out of this predicament. For some of us it will come in the form of someone giving us a second, (or third, or fourth…) chance. For others of us it might be through the ministrations of another, someone who is experienced in knowing how to tend to the problems that cripple us. Just like Sherman needed someone who knew how to tend to his hoofs. For others of us, we need to persevere and hang on. Like Chris and his sticking to it-ness with Sherman. We may need to open our eyes to the needs of others around us and to reach out in faith- not knowing how the connection will turn out. In some ways, it wasn’t that much of a stretch in Chris’s connection with Sherman. Chris already liked running. He was a long-distanced runner. He was able to combine his passion with his openness to try something new and in the process, found a new calling.

What about you? Have you ever found yourself down a different path than intended? Was it one that produced any lessons? Have you ever “rescued” a critter? Who rescued whom?

As 2020 comes to a close and 2021 is just a page-turn away, hang in there. Have hope. A new day is dawning. This year, instead of resolutions or plans, how about just being. Being present to what the day brings. Being engaged with one another- however that might look like. Being aware of the world around us, the creatures and people God places within our path. Being willing to explore our likes and passions, and in sharing them with others, perhaps find purpose.

Virginia Ruth 12/23/20 Virginia Ruth 12/23/20

Christmas Wish List

Do you still write one? I remember writing to Santa as a kid. While I was aware that there were financial limits with my parents, requests to Santa were limitless. As I wrote my list, I would refer to the dog-eared Sears catalogue. I vaguely remember the trifold letter paper that I would use for my letters: heavy card stock, lightly stenciled with wide lined guide lines for my newly learned printing. I remember my mom showing me where to put the date, heading, salutation, body of the letter and signature. I would fold up the letter and seal with a gold foil sticker and then head off to the official North Pole mailbox conveniently found at the local fire station.

Even though my parents are gone and my belief in Santa has also disappeared, the items on my grown- up Christmas list seem just as impossible to receive as the loaded list of yore. My list is nothing tangible, for the longer I live, the more I recognize that things are just that- things: commodities that come and go. It may seem cheesy but all I really want for Christmas is peace on earth or at least in my little corner of the world: peace and understanding among neighbors; peace and purpose for family; peace and healing for loved ones. Ultimately reconciliation and peace for the world.

It has occurred to me that I can check off items on that Christmas list. Now. After all, the point of Christmas is that the One who was to come and restore the world back to the way God designed, has come. Heaven has come down to earth and we can begin the restoration of peace. As the old choral song says (always the closer for the annual school Christmas concert), peace does begin with me.

I can begin with peace in my heart. Peace that passes all understanding: the peace of forgiveness (for myself and others), the peace in giving up control of uncontrollable situations, the peace in turning my worries into prayers.

What about you? Has this year put the kibosh on any dreams or wishes? Does this year feel more like hell on earth than heaven? What can you do to bring about peace? In your life? In the lives of your family and friends? In your neighborhood or community?

So here's my lifelong wish

My grown-up Christmas list

Not for myself

But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hearts

And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list

Songwriters: David Foster / Linda Thompson

Virginia Ruth 12/16/20 Virginia Ruth 12/16/20

The Pink Candle

You ever wonder why there are purple and pink candles in the Christmas wreath? When I was younger I felt that it just didn’t seem to fit the aesthetics of the Christmas red, green, gold and white.

The Advent wreath was first used by Johann Hinrich Wichern, a German Lutheran pastor, to teach his inner mission young students about waiting for Christmas. The students kept asking him when Christmas would arrive, so he took an old wagon wheel, put four large white candles interspersed with smaller red ones around the edges. The boys lit a red candle each day with the white ones on Sunday until all were lit and Christmas had arrived. The story is that the pastor didn’t give any specific symbolism to the colors, he just used what was available at the time. Other Christian sects took the idea and simplified the amount of candles to just one for each Sunday. The Catholics adapted their version to include colors that went with their vestments; purple being a time of penance with pink representing joy.

This past Sunday was the third Sunday in Advent or Gaudete Sunday (Latin for rejoice). It is represented by the pink or rose candle.

The Joy candle.

Joy is one of the themes for Christmas. Yet it is one word that I find elusive. What does it really mean? Similarly but not quite as elusive is the word happiness. We talk about the the pursuit of happiness in the Declaration of Independence. What does that really mean?

Joy and Happiness. Different sides to the same coin or synonyms? I have read so many different definitions from different sources. While there is a commonality, there is not a definitive answer. Is it difficult to describe because it is a word that contains so much- emotion, state of mind and a theological response?

According to Merriam Webster, the definition of joy: 1a: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : DELIGHT. b: the expression or exhibition of such emotion : GAIETY 2: a state of happiness or felicity : BLISS. 3: a source or cause of delight. Merriam Webster describes happiness as: the state of being happy- feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

Psychology expands some on the definitions. According to the American Psychology Association (APA), joy is defined as: n. a feeling of extreme gladness, delight, or exultation of the spirit arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction. The feeling of joy may take two forms: passive and active. Passive joy involves tranquility and a feeling of contentment with things as they are. Active joy involves a desire to share one’s feelings with others. It is associated with more engagement of the environment than is passive joy. The distinction between passive and active joy may be related to the intensity of the emotion, with active joy representing the more intense form. Both forms of joy are associated with an increase in energy and feelings of confidence and self-esteem. The APA definition of happiness is described as: n. an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being. —happy adj. Strangely, there is no definition for the word “happy” on their website.

Pastor Rick Warren has been quoted to say- “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” Happiness is mentioned many times in both the New and Old Testaments. It can be translated as blessed: makarios (Greek) or esher (Hebrew). While happiness is seen as a positive, pursuing happiness is not pursuing your own desires at the expense of other’s or at odds with God’s will. In the case of our Declaration, pursuing happiness was also seen as not just for the individual but the happiness that comes with service and purpose.

The difference in theological terms is that joy is an orientation of the mind and heart and not a momentary mood. Joy is an essential part of God’s nature and is one of the fruits of God’s spirit. As we follow God and strive to become more and more like Him, our nature becomes like His- joyful regardless of the circumstances or mood.

Recently, friends shared a video they had made that contained an object lesson for kids. In describing joy and happiness, they used two inflated balloons and a candle. One balloon was labelled joy and the other happiness. When each were held over the flame, the happiness balloon popped but the joy balloon remained intact. The point was that happiness is fleeting. It is determined by the circumstances around us. If things are tough or difficult, like heat from a flame, then our happiness is popped. But, with joy we can withstand the heat and the onslaught of difficulties because what we have inside makes all the difference.*

The more I have been thinking about the definitions of joy and happiness, I think that there is something to the APA definition in conjunction with our theological one. Joy is passive and active. It takes the form of feeling tranquil and in the sharing of feelings with others. It is a feeling that transcends our normal human experience. Joy is a theological gift from God. An emotion that doesn’t make sense to our logical, consequential, if this happens, then that-is-the-response-type of living. Joy is being the constant, un-pop-able balloon when all around us, our consequential experiences, are popping.

Traditionally, on the third Sunday in Advent we read the story of Mary and her beautiful song of praise, The Magnificat- “My soul magnifies the Lord.” It is the time when she hurries to her cousin Elizabeth’s house after having received the shocking news of her pregnancy. On arriving in the home, Elizabeth acknowledges that Mary is pregnant with God’s son.

In our church’s Advent devotional, the writer for this week talks about the quandary that Mary must’ve felt- elation at the incredible news that she was the favored one to bear God’s son but also the fear and worry of how this incredible story would seem to a skeptical world. In traveling to her cousin, one can imagine it was to receive some comfort, share good news and a way to get out of town for a little bit. I can only imagine the discussion the two might’ve had. Elizabeth being way past child bearing and Mary too young. They may have mentioned their fears and worries about the future. They probably discussed their incredulity over the announcements that both of them had. Did they dream of the future and what their sons would look like, what they would do, or how they would behave? Did they talk about how crazy this whole announcement and reality seemed?

What the author of the devotional points out is that Elizabeth and Mary had choices. They could validate the worry and fears that they had for themselves or they could help each other draw closer to God in this time. They chose the latter.

I like that idea- that we can choose to provide space for each other as we navigate new realities. We might feel like this whole year has been crazy and that nothing has happened that warrants feeling happy. I like the description of active joy from the APA- there is a joy in sharing one’s feelings. More than that, the joy comes through encouraging and helping each other improve the situation rather than dwelling on what is happening and feeling powerless to manage our emotions. We can be like Mary and Elizabeth and choose to help others draw closer to God in this time by walking alongside and sharing in the uncertainty all the while reminding one another of the hope that is Christmas.

What about you? Do you feel joyful or happy? Or both? What determines your mood? What about this season? Do you feel joy in your life this Christmas? If not, can you trust God and praise Him regardless? How can you provide support for someone else who might not feel joyful?

“While optimism makes us live as if someday soon things will soon go better for us, hope frees us from the need to predict the future and allows us to live in the present, with the deep trust that God will never leave us alone but will fulfill the deepest desires of our heart... Joy in this perspective is the fruit of hope.” Henri Nouwen.

Choose Joy.

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* https://www.physicscentral.com/experiment/physicsathome/balloon.cfm

Virginia Ruth 12/9/20 Virginia Ruth 12/9/20

Stark Reality

Nope. Not a newly discovered pre-quel to the IronMan series.

Nor a desert landscape nor a parallel universe.

Unfortunately it is the description of the reality of today.

Stark. Meaning desolate. Barren. Severe or bare in appearance.

I read a 1918 interview with a Washington DC gentleman during the national shut-down due to the “Spanish” flu pandemic. He commented on life, “You had no community life, you had no school life, you had no church life, you had nothing.”

I have been struck by his observation these last couple of weeks. As I walk through the neighborhood I am aware of the quiet streets and the hush from the nearby college. No hustle and bustle of walking or driving students. The elementary school yard is empty and devoid of the cadence of children’s voices and screams. Any gathering places in parks have seats cordoned off. Peering in the window of some local restaurants, the seating arrangements look like they are doing a massive floor cleaning, not providing any service. When we walk outside, any encounter with another pedestrian is not a parallel passage but rather a wide berthed elliptical movement. Grocery and retail store shelves are still devoid of products. Our church sanctuary is completely empty: the Bibles and hymnals have been removed. There are no traditional Christmas trees or volumes of poinsettias, no decorations of Christmas’s past. Even our movements amount to nothing for we cannot come and go as we please. No visiting certain family members. No travel plans for holidays. No “just popping” into the store without masking, lining up and waiting. Our lives are barren of any interaction (or not much).

I feel that my own comments in 2020 could mirror the 1918 response: No community life, no school life, no church life, nothing. In our current pandemic stark reality, I wonder- are we truly left without community? Are we just independent islands- quarantined from others in our own little bubbles and pods? Beholden only to ourselves?

The stark reality is that while we may be self-isolated for now, we are not independent. We are co-dependent social creatures and that requires living a controlled freedom. Actually, I think we always have been living like that to some degree: the tension between freedom and responsibility. It is the tension between being independent and in control of our decisions of whoever, whatever, whenever, wherever, however, why-ever we want, pulling against with the role of responsibility that may subjugate my desires, wishes, preferences or needs for another’s desires, wishes, preferences or needs.

We view freedom as being independent. Solely independent. Self-sufficient. Yet, as anyone who has raised children, especially during the teenage years- the more freedom and independence one is granted is determined by one’s responsibility. The more responsible a teenager is, the more freedom she receives.

Similar to the idea of fire. In essence, one cannot just start off lighting fires. We do not let small children play with matches. Only after instruction, demo and careful observation do we allow someone who has never started a fire, to do so. There are guidelines in establishing a fire that must be heeded or the blaze could take over and ruin a house, devastate a landscape or even kill individuals. There is self-imposed control with fire. Even the structure of where one builds a fire determines that there are controls: one cannot just start a fire in the middle of one’s living room. (Course one can, but that will be the first and last time one does.) One ignites a fire in a fireplace or pit that can withstand the heat intensity. There is a physical restraint or restriction with fires.

So too, I think that we need to recognize that freedom/control/restraint/responsibility tension in our society and how we deal with the pandemic.

We can self-isolate and remove ourselves into our own little bubbles but we still need each other. If anything happens to us, God forbid we did get sick with COVID, we need each other for help and care. But more than anything else, we need each other because we are social creatures and have to interact. The stark reality is that we are not independent islands. If we want the freedom to do what we want, when we want it, then we will have to be responsible in seeing that we do not spread the virus and be responsible for our individual actions.

One of the ways we show our responsibility is in taking commonsense measures to help contain the spread of the virus: masking, socially distancing, hand washing. And, receiving the vaccine when it is our turn to do so.

I heard one of the best socially responsible responses to the actions we should take during this pandemic stark reality: (If the video link does not work, click HERE.)

What about you? Do you feel independent? Free? Responsible? For yourself? Others? As a child, were you allowed to do certain things? What were the conditions? Have you ever had your freedom revoked? How do you live into the tension between freedom and responsibility?

Stark can also mean “complete, extreme”. Maybe this stark reality in which we live is showing us the complete reality in which we need to live? Perhaps we will see that we are interdependent: weighing our individual need for freedom with the responsibility of caring for others.

Virginia Ruth 12/2/20 Virginia Ruth 12/2/20

Closet of Undone Things

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In the 1964 television Christmas classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer there is an island of misfit toys. Perhaps you remember? The Jack-in-the-Box named Charlie, the train with square wheels, a boat that doesn’t stay afloat or the elephant with polka dots. Potential gifts that weren’t quite right.

It occurred to me the other day that I have my own personal island of misfit toys. Not toys per se but projects unfinished and wants unfulfilled. In essence my closet of undone things:

Cataloguing and reorganizing all the digital photos on my phone and the computer. Do I really need four photos of the same mistakenly snapped picture of our son’s ninth grade soccer game? No one knows who the boys are, not even which one is our son. Or the numerous pictures of plants and flower that caught my eye. At the time I thought they were National Geographic- worthy. In retrospect, not so much.
Sorting through the remaining boxes of our parents’ mementoes. Pictures, clippings that have no category yet I cannot part with them. Yet or perhaps ever. Part of the collection contains our parents’ parents’ mementoes that they too could not decide with what to do.
Creating a scrapbook for each of the boys, containing pictures, awards, mementoes of their lives. I have had this project on my “list” since they were born. Over two decades long.
Sorting out my craft/project box. Will I ever make new candles using the melted stubs of old ones? Will I ever learn to knit? How about the unfinished needle work projects? When we had to sort out my mother’s things, she too had unfinished projects. In fact, some of mine are inherited from hers.

I think of the list of subjects I would like to learn and conquer: speaking a foreign language (Heck, I wish I could just master English but French, Italian, Spanish, Latin, Greek would be mighty nice.); learning calligraphy; mastering carpentry skills; knowing botanical names of plants; tailoring clothes; cooking bouillabaisse like we had in Bar Harbor- to name a few. Or the dreams that may never come to fruition- learning to ride a horse in order to participate in a steeplechase, living for a time in various cities (e.g. Boston, New York, Paris) or small villages (in England/Scotland/Provence), walking The Way (Camino de Santiago), participating in the Marine Corps Marathon.

These unfinished items may or may not ever get completed. Some of my ideas and plans cannot happen without the aid of family, friends or “experts”. I cannot do them on my own.

I am also aware that there will be always be undone things in this world and ongoing issues. Call it the human condition. One of the frustrations in working in a hospital or any 24/7 operation is that by design, there will always be something more that needs to be done. For people who like to complete their to-do list, it is a challenge. While some things can be checked off, there are others that have to be handed off to the next shift.

That is especially true when caring for another, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually: it is an ongoing and unending operation. No one person can or should shoulder that burden alone or feel that she is finishing everything up in a neat little bow. It is a Sisyphus-type endeavor to think that life presents finished or completed work. Not with people. Not with life’s problems.

What is to be done? Not tackle the issues? Leave the closet door of undone things closed? Leave the misfits on the island?

If we finish all our projects, conquer all our challenges, and tie up all our loose ends, where does that leave us?

I think we would be loaded with pride and lacking humility. I think we need the closet of undone things to remind us that we are not complete ourselves and that we need God and each other to fill in those gaps.I think that is why God made us part of a community. To realize that all have a place in God’s kingdom and we all have a purpose.

In the story about Rudolph, the misfit toys do find homes. They are not repaired or changed in any way in their form or being. They fit in, just as they are. They help Rudolph and friends and in turn find purpose and love in their lives.

What about you? Do you have a closet of unfinished items? Literally? Figuratively? Can you complete those items on your own? Do you need the assistance of someone else? Is it a project that is best left for someone else?

My closet of unfinished items reminds me that there is always an unfinished item. And that is okay. Sure, it is good to have a project and a goal in mind. But if we are people who are always open to new things: to learning, to experiencing life, to helping, to sharing, and to caring we may get side tracked from our initial intention. Life with others is a disruption but it is also a joy. Because as is the case with the hospital working- we need each other to shoulder burdens, to bear the weight and responsibility of life, and to collectively pick up the cause, the project, and the moving towards healing, wholeness and community.