While I was shopping for some holiday decor, I noticed the following display on the wall:

Oh the irony. Made me laugh but also made me think based on our Christmas consumerism (just seeing the long lines in the store) that we do believe that Christmas is what we can purchase.

It always amazes me that every year there are more and more items for sale for Christmas and those items are offered earlier and earlier. Seems to me, what most of the commercial items are representing are memories: you too can have the smiley, polished, beautiful family gathering if you give this game or toy to your children or surprise your loved one with some jewelry or decorate your house as if it were a Hollywood set design and gather around a holiday-themed groaning board of a table.

We all long for nostalgia of some sort. But some people have no history to recall or one that they would want to repeat. More than that, I think Christmas epitomizes our need to belong. I am aware of news stories, comments from people on the street or even looking at advertisements- people want to be recognized, to be heard and to feel part of the group.

I know that I feel that way in our new situation. It is nice to be seen and known. I was gobsmacked when walking on a different street from where we live, our letter carrier called me by name shortly after we had moved in. I had only met him once and I would’ve thought that seeing me out of context, my name would’ve been out of his mind. I had a similar experience when the town librarian called me by name after only meeting her once. (Maybe remembering people’s names is not as unusual as I think. Maybe it is only I who has a brain sieve for name recall?)

I find it interesting that many various psychological studies and articles speak about our basic need to belong: to feel connected to others and to be known. Part of the sense of belonging is feeling that one is connected to a group or ideal bigger than oneself. In doing so, we receive the sense that we are not alone in this journey called life, that we have some purpose and a sense of unity and values with others.

It is no surprise then that the need to connect drives behavior which is something smartphone technology (and advertising) has exploited. Phones, apps and social media are compelling to the individual because they allow one to be seen, heard and considered by others. The problem is that the individual does so in a vacuum. One can tap and send off any harsh or critical epistle thinking that others will react (which they might) but overall there is a lack of graciousness and consideration in this type of belonging. Even in the technology of the “old days”, one could hang up the telephone on another. It was just a voice on the other end and therefore one didn’t really see the others’ reaction.

There is something about being together and face to face in our interactions that gives us (or should give us) pause. Looking into another’s eyes when delivering difficult news or even a disagreement softens our words and helps us extend grace towards one another. In real life, (not the feigned, drama riddled reality television or the “perfect” instagram lives) we have lost the ability to have true conversation: agreeing to disagree or sharing an alternative point of view in a safe, loving environment. When we feel that we belong and that we are accepted, we are able to do so.

This past weekend we visited and spent some time with our small group from Maryland. Our small group has been together for a long time and has shared a lot of living. One of the purposes of the group is to journey through life together: encouraging one another, learning more about God together, holding each other accountable and sharing our joys and sorrows. One of the most fascinating phenomena to me is how a group of seemingly dissimilar individuals can form a bond of belonging. These are “my people”. In some ways we don’t look like we go together: different ages, life experiences, political beliefs, lifestyle beliefs but we are all bonded through our love of God. While I knew this to be true it wasn’t until we were driving back home, I realized that the group is truly family: a safe place where we only want the absolute God’s best for each other. It is the briefest glimpse of heaven on earth- the time when humankind is reconciled to God and to each other.

One of my dearest friends gave me a book for my birthday, “Start with Hello”, by Shannon Martin. I am looking forward to reading it.

From the back excerpt: A simple path to a more deeply connected life. You want more. You want to belong to a community that looks out for each other. You believe in your bones we don’t have to live detached, distracted and divided. The question is, How? Shannon Martin invites you into deeper connection through simple resets.

While some of the suggestions are familiar, the book will be helpful to me in meeting people in our new situation. In some ways, it is easier for us to greet and meet people- we have the excuse of just arriving in our neighborhood. It would be rather awkward when one is established to go back and reintroduce oneself. “Excuse me, I have lived next to you for twenty years and I still do not know your name.” (which, sadly would be my case if we were still in our old neighborhood.)

May this Advent season be a time when we practice our “hellos”. May we cultivate a sense of belonging with the people we meet: to let others know that they are not alone, that we hear each them and that we want God’s best for them. And that doesn’t come from any store.