Waiting

How are you with waiting?

One would think, we would be better at waiting the older we get. But it seems not so much. Well, at least in my experience of aging parents and, admittedly, my aging self. I seem to be more and more impatient with the “I don’t have time for this” mentality.

I remember in the last decade or so of their lives, my parents and in-laws could be impatient. It was strange because, except for my mother who always seemed a little impatient, the other three seemed to have the patience of Job.

Ask anyone who has had to transport an elderly loved one, and you will get an example of elderly impatience. The process of getting the elderly person in and out of the passenger seat, especially if the elderly person has a walker, rollator, wheelchair or any type of mobility aids, should be the new Olympic sport: one has to park the car; unhook one’s seat belt, double checking that one has pocketed the car keys (getting locked out of the car by a happy-button-pushing passenger does not make for a pleasant experience); run to the back of the vehicle; open the trunk and remove said medical assistive device; unfold and ensure that it is properly set up; wheel it to the passenger side of the car; open door, maneuvering the device in just the right place; lock the wheels (a crucial step- trust me), reach over to unhook elderly person from their seat belt. Then immediately change one’s body movements-slow down your actions (if not, your anxiety will transfer to the situation and the elderly person) and gently help them swing their legs over the side of the car ledge (protecting their head from hitting the top of the door frame) in order to have them stand and transfer to the chair or to place their hands on walker, ready to walk to the entrance of the doctor’s office or store.

This is the ideal set-up when the elderly person sits in the seat waiting for you to open the car door and help them unhook the seat belt.

What generally happens is that the elderly person starts to feel for the door handle as you are turning into the parking spot in order to open the passenger car door as soon as the car stops. “Just wait and I’ll be there to open the door for you in a sec.” you request in a gentle voice. Most times the request goes in one ear and out the other (or maybe just not “heard” at all.) Which then requires you to move through the process at double speed all the time requesting, “just wait, please” until your voice becomes an Ethel Merman bellow, “HOLD ON.”

It always amazed me that the same person who would take for-ev-er to walk from his room in the assisted living wing to the dining room less than thirty feet distance (I would trip over my feet trying to slow down my stride) could be out of the car with feet dangling or upper body dangling (if he forgot to unhook the seat belt) in a matter of seconds.

I kind of wonder- is this another sign of the circle of life or at least the bell curve of life? We start out as impatient infants and we end up as impatient elders with an apex of seemingly rationality in our adult years. There is an interesting 2024 study archived in the National Library of Medicine that seems to conclude that older adults, more so than younger adults are more susceptible to be influenced by the impulse of others. Of course, the researchers note that there are other studies that show quite the opposite. Regardless, it made me think of both my mother and mother-in-law. Both women were strong individuals with strong opinions and were never swayed by others’ opinions. And yet, in their old age, they were influenced by what the other women were doing, wearing, saying in their respective retirement communities. They were impatient to have those experiences. Many a time, I found myself taking one of the parents on an expedition because they had to do something that they had heard the others talking about. I have fond memories of taking my ninety-two year old mother-in-law jeans shopping. She got it in her head, after seeing some of the other residents wearing jeans, to purchase a pair for herself.

In some ways, why not be impulsive and somewhat rash? Time is not on one’s side.

Although, it is not just the young and elderly who are impatient. Most of modern society are more and more impatient and do not want to wait. We have devised ways around the waiting (pay for the express lane or fast pass lines) or ways to be “entertained” while we wait (short videos on Tik-tok/Facebook, etc.) We can blame our smart phones, technology, and social media outlets for causing our impatience and distraction but we seem to not be able to get out of the cycle. The truth is, we have let those tools rule our lives or at least a good part of our days.

Many years ago I went to a talk at our church. The speaker was discussing violence and television shows and the effect on children. There was concern about what to do about it since all the studies concluded that the violence on the television wasn’t good. The response- do more studies. I came home and said to my husband- I don’t think we need more studies. It seemed simple to me- just turn off the telly. Don’t watch the violent shows.

I feel the same way with our ever quickening technologies- they keep pushing us to think, react, and make decisions faster and faster, which doesn’t seem like a sustainable long term plan. Of course, there are situations where the new technology is a God-send to people. But the overall, day-to-day experience is not good in the long run- physically, emotionally, mentally even spiritually. While the modern technology has connected us globally, it also has divided us more-a modern tower of Babel.

This is the Advent season, the season of waiting. Waiting expectantly for the birth of the Messiah- the One to save us from sin and oppression. For those who follow Jesus- we know the story, we know the outcome and we know why we wait. But do we know how?

Do we wait with wonder and awe- that the God of the universe cares so deeply about each one of us, that He came to earth and dwelt among us? To rescue us from sin and death, if only we believe? How do we respond to that? Do we share that Good News with others? Do we wait expectantly for peace and joy, that can only come from God? Is there a place for impatience? Should we be impatient and demanding that justice be done? For those who are lost, to be found? For those who are hungry, to be fed? For those who are marginalized, to belong?

As our priest has challenged us this Advent season- is God waiting for us? During this Advent season, is God waiting and expecting more from us? To be more loving, more kind, more gentle, more merciful? Is God waiting for us to be more patient- with ourselves, our families, our neighbors, even our enemies?

So, how are you at waiting? Are you waiting for God to do something in your life? Are you waiting for a Savior? Is God waiting for you?

400 Hundred Years of Waiting

I have a confession to make: I am an extremely impatient person. When I get an idea, thought or project in my head, I am like a dog with a bone- holding on to that idea until I can do something with it. As a friend once said to me, “you don’t let grass grow under your feet.” Some of that “get it done” mentality was learned during my years nursing. In caring for others, if I thought of something to do and had the time, then I had do it because that time would not come around again. For me, once I have an idea I am ready to work on it and then finish that idea, thought or project in order to move on to something else.

Lately, the problem I am having is that I have had to wait on others, namely the workmen to complete their work, in order for me to begin my various home projects. But in waiting for others to do something, I really cannot have that impatient “just do it, darn it” mentality towards them or at least to expect them to have my similar mentality. I need to have a little more grace and patience.

And so I am finding myself trying to patiently wait. And that is really difficult. I find myself struggling each day to not massively complain. The disarray of our home continues and if possible, has become even more jumbled. Just when we thought we had some type of organizational “system”, some new problem has been discovered or items, like the kitchen cabinets will arrive and we have to push more things aside and on top of each other. In the words of the Christmas story, “there is no room in the inn.”

In the preparation and waiting time that is called Advent, I have been thinking about the Israelites and the waiting that they had to do over the many, many years. In fact, there is about four hundred years between the Old and New Testament when nothing is recorded. Four hundred years of silence and seemingly inaction from God. Talk about waiting!

You wonder-how did they handle the wait? Tell stories of the past? Plan out scenarios for the future? Massively complain? Where are You, God? How long are we to wait until we hear from you? How long before the Messiah comes?

God is the maker of sound and silence. As noted in Ecclesiastes (3:7): there is time to keep silent and a time to speak. In the past, God had spoken to His people through multiple prophets about returning back to communion with Him, yet the people remained stubborn in their own ways. It was now time to keep silent. Similarly, there are times when we can say only so much to our family, friends and loved ones. We may have cajoled, threatened, bargained or pleaded but eventually we just need to keep silent and let the consequences or things happen as they do.

All we can do during that interim waiting period is pray, hope and love.

I guess during my waiting time- which is by far NOT at all 400 years or at least I hope it won’t be!- I need to learn the lessons of patience. I am trying to be understanding when unforeseen things happen to either our workmen and their families. To pray for them and for their safety. To know when to be silent and when to speak.

It is good practice for me to hand over control of these uncontrollable situations. As I am learning more and more, we really have no control in life. The only thing we can control is how we handle the situations- our responses and attitudes. For me, I am struggling to handle my present situation through prayer, hope and love. I know that the more I practice these types of responses, the better I will be in handling future uncontrollable situations for myself and for family.

The thing is- the waiting time will end. For the Israelites, God did not remain silent. Nor does He remain silent to us. When Jesus was born, He fulfilled hundreds of years of prophecy. His birth, life, death and resurrection were all part of God’s rescue story for both His “people”- the Israelites, and also for us.

The beauty of Christmas is that is a yearly reminder, lest we have forgotten, that God IS with us- Emmanuel. The waiting time is over. God has spoken. We can look forward to the new life (and new projects) that God has in store for us. Merry Christmas.

A Weary World Rejoices...

This year our church’s Advent theme is “a weary world rejoices”. The words come from the carol “O Holy Night”. In some ways it is quite a fitting theme for today’s world and all that we have experienced these last two years.

But I have been thinking- how does one rejoice when one is weary? Too many people that I know and care about are carrying very heavy burdens: never ending caregiving, monumental grief and loss, major disappointments with themselves and others, very real physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. In essence, all around me is a weary world filled with weary souls.

Yet we are not alone in our weariness. Seems like every generation has something. Every generation feels that their society is headed in the wrong direction. The expression “go to hell in a hand basket” was first noted in print during the US Civil War. The expression means that one is on a course to doom. I am sure that those who were living during the Civil War felt that the country and its individuals were headed down that road.

Many centuries earlier, the Hebrew tribes must have also felt weary and on a path to doom. For generations they experienced multiple wars, famine, persecution, slavery, exile and foreign occupation. In essence, they experienced and represented much of the world weariness that all humanity experiences.

In processing how we are to react to our weary souls in today’s pandemic, I wondered about the “Spanish Flu” of 1918. Namely, what was the impact on society during and afterwards? No surprise, there was an uptick of neurological and psychological issues in the following years. Those who lost loved ones were plunged into helplessness and despair. Flu survivors reported sleep disturbances, depression, mental distraction, dizziness, and difficulties coping at work. Health professionals felt haunted by sense of frustration and guilt. Sound familiar?

Placide Cappeau (1808-1877)

The gentleman who wrote the lyrics to “O Holy Night” was a Frenchman Placide Cappeau. When he was eight years old he lost his hand due to a gun accident. Not being able to follow into his father’s business of being a cooper, Placide went into academics- studying law and literature. He earned a living as a merchant of wine and spirits. In 1847, the local parish priest asked him to write a poem for the celebration of the organ’s renovation. Although Placide was an atheist he agreed and researched the book of Luke for inspiration. An opera singer, Emily Laurey saw the text and asked a friend of hers, Adolphe Adam to compose the music. Emily sang the hymn at midnight mass and while those who heard the carol loved it, the Catholic church banned it because it was written by an atheist. Even so, it became one of the most popular carols. In 1855 an American Unitarian minister, John Sullivan Dwight translated the lyrics to English.

I know nothing more about Mr. Cappeau. Did reading the book of Luke and writing the carol change him in any way? The carol has certainly meant so much to so many people. Legend has it that “O Holy Night” was one of the carols sung among the trenches during the Christmas Eve “truce” of WWI. What I love about the history of the carol, is how God uses everyone for His purposes. Even individuals who might not believe in Him are singing about the hope that comes from God.

But what about the holy night that helps the weary world or soul rejoice? As was mentioned in Sunday’s sermon, Advent is a time for waiting for the long expected Messiah. The waiting implies longing: longing for what is to come. In the spiritual tradition it is the longing for the time when all is made right with God and one another. But in our day-to-day, weary world, longing can be the tension between grief and hope. And how do we square it?

I think we do so by recognizing the overarching and longevity of humanity. The perspective that every society and every people group have had situations that has challenged and changed their world as they knew it. Some with devastating consequences. Some with vast societal improvements.

I think we can “rejoice” when we recognize that there is a tension between the what was-the past, and the what is to be- the future. Sometimes we need to specifically name the past and the future: name our grief and hopes. There is something powerful in the recognition of our laments and longings. It can set us free from the spinning wheel of guilt and regret. While it may not cause a “wahoo, hands in the air” kind of celebration, it can provide an inner peace and a deep down joy. When we name what was and what is to be, we can be grateful and thankful for the past and be expectant for the future.

What about you? Are you world weary? Have the last couple of years turned your world upside-down? Are you longing for something? Someone? Are you missing what was? Do you wish for what is to be?

When we are weary, I think it becomes important to remember to live in the what is now- the present. To remember to live for today and to do the best we can with whatever situation we find ourselves. To be kind to ourselves in this moment. When we are weary, we need to remember to live with our eyes open. There might be something happening in our lives, the people around us or in society that is surprising. Living in the now can help shed some of the weariness and burden that we feel through our “responsibility” of the past and the “control” of the future. When we are fully present, we are open to God’s possibilities and can wait expectantly for the hope of the holy night.

O Holy Night- English translation by John Sullivan Dwight. Originally in French by Placide Cappeau

O Holy Night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary soul [world] rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh night divine

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming
Here come the wise men from Orient land
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend

Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name

The Pink Candle

You ever wonder why there are purple and pink candles in the Christmas wreath? When I was younger I felt that it just didn’t seem to fit the aesthetics of the Christmas red, green, gold and white.

The Advent wreath was first used by Johann Hinrich Wichern, a German Lutheran pastor, to teach his inner mission young students about waiting for Christmas. The students kept asking him when Christmas would arrive, so he took an old wagon wheel, put four large white candles interspersed with smaller red ones around the edges. The boys lit a red candle each day with the white ones on Sunday until all were lit and Christmas had arrived. The story is that the pastor didn’t give any specific symbolism to the colors, he just used what was available at the time. Other Christian sects took the idea and simplified the amount of candles to just one for each Sunday. The Catholics adapted their version to include colors that went with their vestments; purple being a time of penance with pink representing joy.

This past Sunday was the third Sunday in Advent or Gaudete Sunday (Latin for rejoice). It is represented by the pink or rose candle.

The Joy candle.

Joy is one of the themes for Christmas. Yet it is one word that I find elusive. What does it really mean? Similarly but not quite as elusive is the word happiness. We talk about the the pursuit of happiness in the Declaration of Independence. What does that really mean?

Joy and Happiness. Different sides to the same coin or synonyms? I have read so many different definitions from different sources. While there is a commonality, there is not a definitive answer. Is it difficult to describe because it is a word that contains so much- emotion, state of mind and a theological response?

According to Merriam Webster, the definition of joy: 1a: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : DELIGHT. b: the expression or exhibition of such emotion : GAIETY 2: a state of happiness or felicity : BLISS. 3: a source or cause of delight. Merriam Webster describes happiness as: the state of being happy- feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

Psychology expands some on the definitions. According to the American Psychology Association (APA), joy is defined as: n. a feeling of extreme gladness, delight, or exultation of the spirit arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction. The feeling of joy may take two forms: passive and active. Passive joy involves tranquility and a feeling of contentment with things as they are. Active joy involves a desire to share one’s feelings with others. It is associated with more engagement of the environment than is passive joy. The distinction between passive and active joy may be related to the intensity of the emotion, with active joy representing the more intense form. Both forms of joy are associated with an increase in energy and feelings of confidence and self-esteem. The APA definition of happiness is described as: n. an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being. —happy adj. Strangely, there is no definition for the word “happy” on their website.

Pastor Rick Warren has been quoted to say- “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” Happiness is mentioned many times in both the New and Old Testaments. It can be translated as blessed: makarios (Greek) or esher (Hebrew). While happiness is seen as a positive, pursuing happiness is not pursuing your own desires at the expense of other’s or at odds with God’s will. In the case of our Declaration, pursuing happiness was also seen as not just for the individual but the happiness that comes with service and purpose.

The difference in theological terms is that joy is an orientation of the mind and heart and not a momentary mood. Joy is an essential part of God’s nature and is one of the fruits of God’s spirit. As we follow God and strive to become more and more like Him, our nature becomes like His- joyful regardless of the circumstances or mood.

Recently, friends shared a video they had made that contained an object lesson for kids. In describing joy and happiness, they used two inflated balloons and a candle. One balloon was labelled joy and the other happiness. When each were held over the flame, the happiness balloon popped but the joy balloon remained intact. The point was that happiness is fleeting. It is determined by the circumstances around us. If things are tough or difficult, like heat from a flame, then our happiness is popped. But, with joy we can withstand the heat and the onslaught of difficulties because what we have inside makes all the difference.*

The more I have been thinking about the definitions of joy and happiness, I think that there is something to the APA definition in conjunction with our theological one. Joy is passive and active. It takes the form of feeling tranquil and in the sharing of feelings with others. It is a feeling that transcends our normal human experience. Joy is a theological gift from God. An emotion that doesn’t make sense to our logical, consequential, if this happens, then that-is-the-response-type of living. Joy is being the constant, un-pop-able balloon when all around us, our consequential experiences, are popping.

Traditionally, on the third Sunday in Advent we read the story of Mary and her beautiful song of praise, The Magnificat- “My soul magnifies the Lord.” It is the time when she hurries to her cousin Elizabeth’s house after having received the shocking news of her pregnancy. On arriving in the home, Elizabeth acknowledges that Mary is pregnant with God’s son.

In our church’s Advent devotional, the writer for this week talks about the quandary that Mary must’ve felt- elation at the incredible news that she was the favored one to bear God’s son but also the fear and worry of how this incredible story would seem to a skeptical world. In traveling to her cousin, one can imagine it was to receive some comfort, share good news and a way to get out of town for a little bit. I can only imagine the discussion the two might’ve had. Elizabeth being way past child bearing and Mary too young. They may have mentioned their fears and worries about the future. They probably discussed their incredulity over the announcements that both of them had. Did they dream of the future and what their sons would look like, what they would do, or how they would behave? Did they talk about how crazy this whole announcement and reality seemed?

What the author of the devotional points out is that Elizabeth and Mary had choices. They could validate the worry and fears that they had for themselves or they could help each other draw closer to God in this time. They chose the latter.

I like that idea- that we can choose to provide space for each other as we navigate new realities. We might feel like this whole year has been crazy and that nothing has happened that warrants feeling happy. I like the description of active joy from the APA- there is a joy in sharing one’s feelings. More than that, the joy comes through encouraging and helping each other improve the situation rather than dwelling on what is happening and feeling powerless to manage our emotions. We can be like Mary and Elizabeth and choose to help others draw closer to God in this time by walking alongside and sharing in the uncertainty all the while reminding one another of the hope that is Christmas.

What about you? Do you feel joyful or happy? Or both? What determines your mood? What about this season? Do you feel joy in your life this Christmas? If not, can you trust God and praise Him regardless? How can you provide support for someone else who might not feel joyful?

“While optimism makes us live as if someday soon things will soon go better for us, hope frees us from the need to predict the future and allows us to live in the present, with the deep trust that God will never leave us alone but will fulfill the deepest desires of our heart... Joy in this perspective is the fruit of hope.” Henri Nouwen.

Choose Joy.

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* https://www.physicscentral.com/experiment/physicsathome/balloon.cfm

The Season of Waiting

Advent. Preparation. Anticipation. How are you with waiting?

I have to admit that I am not that great with the waiting game. I have especially realized this while waiting for my wrist to heal. I am not used to being still. Not. At. All.

Yet when I think about it, most of life requires waiting: wait until a baby is born, wait at least eighteen ( in some cases almost thirty) years for that child to grow and develop, wait for a life partner, adequate education, for a reasonable and/or meaningful job, to retire, for a celebration, for Christmas, for the raise, for deployment, for discharge, for vacation, for a schedule, for the diagnosis, for healing, for acceptance to college, for a train, bus, plane, and ultimately waiting to die.

It is fitting that I should have to slow down and wait during this season of Advent. Traditionally the Advent season is one of waiting for arrivals- the arrival of Christmas and the birth of Christ. But it is more than that, it is a reflective, introspective time of waiting and pondering: reminder of the waiting and anticipation of the arrival of Christ as the Messiah and the waiting for the return of Christ as the Lord of All in a new creation. In essence it is learning to live in the “in-between” time of the fulfilled prophecy and the awaiting promise: the past and the future.

It is learning to live in the present.

I am learning to be grateful for the past and to live in hope for the future. In the case of this broken wing- I am grateful that each day it is healing albeit slowly and I am hopeful that I will have at least 90% or even 100% of my hand/wrist functioning restored.

There are many stories in the Bible where the main character couldn’t wait. They were impetuous and had to take measures into their own hands: Sarah, Abraham, Isaac, Rebekah, David, the Israelites, Peter among others. They may have heard about promises and futures yet they just couldn’t trust God with all the details of their lives. There were times of long waiting. But instead of living in the present- remembering the past and hopeful for the future, they chose to hurry along the in-between time.

I certainly am guilty of living like that. I forget my received blessings and greedily want more. I am so busy planning- what might happen in the next season, month, week, even afternoon- that I miss out on what is happening in the immediate. I need to learn to enjoy and be content with the in-between.

What about you? How are you with waiting? Impatient? Impulsive? Resolved? Do you spend more time in revisiting the past or planning your future?

This Advent I am realizing that the season of waiting applies to so many levels: the calendar time. the physical healing time and the present choice of my daily time.