Putting Off...

There is a comedian, Tom Papa who does a regular routine on Live From Here, called "Out. In. America."  Part of his spiel is that he tells a story of meeting different individuals across the country and then poses questions,  "Have you ever....?"  which moves along the preposterous story he is telling by his replying with a deep pause and resignation,  "I have." 

In the tone of Tom Papa, "Have you ever put off doing certain projects or activities?   I can certainly say, " I have."  

Sometimes I wonder, "why?".  I know all the right techniques, thoughts and attitudes to jump on things and get things done: do the hardest thing first thing, break it down into smaller details,  reward yourself upon completion.  Try as I might,  procrastination is still my default.

Lately, I have a couple of big projects that I need to do yet I am finding that I am having difficulty either starting, or in the case of some of them, difficulty in the finishing.

Have you ever felt that way- stuck in the not-yet or frozen in the not-done?

I have.

It seems as if I am paralyzed with the not-yet.  Part of it stems from the not-knowing.  Projects that I have to do are not fully formed in my mind; I cannot see its entirety- start, middle, end. I am not quite sure how to start much less what it will look like as I go through it and finish it.   I get paralyzed with that blurry unknown.  I don't want to start lest I do something that needs redoing. 

Other times I am paralyzed with the not-done.  Part of this stems from a lack of excitement over the project.  Many times a project has been long and drawn out and I am just tired in thinking about it, much less wanting to actually work on it and complete it.  There is a loss of "newness" in the project and subsequently a contempt of the familiar.  It is only when the balance is tipped in that I am more "fed up" with something hanging on my to-do list then not, will I finally complete it. 

To get myself engaged, either with new or old projects, sometimes I just have to trick myself into doing it. 

Kind of like my approach to entering the water.  When I was a kid, I was one of the first ones in the water (whether it was the pool, sound or ocean) and one of the last ones out. As I have aged, I am ridiculous in my avoidance of getting wet.  It is not that I do not enjoy the water.  I do.  I love to swim and dive in and out of the waves.  Once in, I am fine. It is just the inertia to get into the water.  I feel quite comfortable being dry, warm and sun-kissed as I sit on the sand and don't have any desire to move. 

But there will come a moment in our beach attendance when I need to go into the water. (e.g. All the other family members are going in, I am getting way too hot on the sand, or I just need to move and get up from sitting/lying down.) I approach the waters edge, stick my toes in, look out into the dark, vast ocean and think, "Ahh, not today. I am going to sit back down."   Then I think, "Don't be ridiculous. You do not have that much time or opportunity at the beach.  Take advantage of this beautiful day.  Just go in.  Once you are in, you know you will enjoy it."  I am paralyzed in the overthinking of the dark, vast and reflective expanse of water in front of me. All sorts of silly ideas float in my head along with the Jaws soundtrack.  The water before me seems so ominous.

Yet, I know that when I exit the water, all that water between me and the land looks so inviting and warm. It is green, clear and seems so familiar.  Not at all like the dangerous seas I imagined as I first looked out in the distance. It is just my perspective.  The water hasn't changed. 

So, in order for me to first enter the water, I will walk in, turn backwards looking at the beach and the "pleasant" water in front of me,  lean back into the water and voila.  I am finally in.  Gone are the days when I would immediately run and jump in.  I have had to try another method to achieve the same thing. 

When I cannot get my act together for a project or activity, I have to trick myself into thinking that I am either in the middle of that project or almost finished with it.  If I don't worry about the start, but just go right to the middle, I can get over my paralysis of the not-yet.  Many writing experts give the suggestion of just jump right in the middle  when you feel stuck in starting a writing project.  For instance, if one is starting a novel, one might get overwhelmed to have the perfect opening line.  Sometimes it is better to begin writing a "middle" chapter and then go back.  We trick our minds so that we do not get paralyzed in perfection and in having to know how it will all work out from the get-go.  Sometimes a different approach keeps things interesting. It gives us a little mystery and unfamiliarity which helps keep things fresh. 

What about you? What are your "have you ever..." experiences?   Have you ever had to change your method or approach to looking or doing something?  What was it?  

Do you feel currently stuck in the not-yet or paralyzed by the not-done?  What can you do to freshen up your approach to it? 

Have you ever wondered why you put off a task?

 

 

 

 

W@TW: The Acorn and The Tree

The other month as I was speaking to one of our sons I was reminded that the acorn doesn't fall too far from the tree.  Our son was talking about all the various work he had to accomplish and how he was going to do so.  But in the midst of his lists he mentioned a task that needed to be done that he hadn't accomplished yet. 

He had to make some grown-up phone calls to settle a missing rent check.  From the questions he was asking, it was obvious that he would do anything else, email, send a text or even write a letter, but not pick up the phone and talk.  He just doesn't like communicating over the phone.

I totally get it.  For me, talking over the phone is one of those least liked things especially when it is for a routine "administrative" type of discussion. The problem becomes the more one doesn't have to do it, the more difficult it becomes.

Touche.  

I was reminded of how I will avoid doing something I don't like to do.  I will do ANYTHING else.  

In the case of my son, as I heard his excuses I thought to myself, "just do it. and get it over with",  But then I realized that many times when I am faced with something I don't like to do, I cannot  "just do it"  and don't do it.   And when I delay and it is after the fact,  I kick myself for not doing the task at hand when it was time to do so.  The task has now become even more difficult.  For instance, I may have not told someone something that is important and now it is a big problem of communication- feelings get hurt, important items misplaced or an opportunity is lost.   All because I couldn't "just do it and get it over with". 

Recently I was reading again about how to approach your day when you have difficult tasks: Of course the first thing is that you should prioritize- what is the most important thing to do today in a descending order from most to least importance.  And then they suggest that you "eat that frog"- do the most difficult thing or the item that you don't want to do, first.  

For me, doing things that I don't like to do I am reminded not of the frog but of the acorn and the tree.  That which I see my son struggle is exactly my own. My son reminds me to "just do it and get it over with." 

What about you?   Do you struggle with completing tasks?  Why or why not?  Have you ever noticed traits in family members that you also exhibit?  Do you have recommendations or advice to give them on how to handle such traits?  Do you follow your own advice? 

The "Pro" in Procrastinators

Last week we were taking our son back to college.  It is a long journey and we forgot to take along an audio book.  Fortunately we were able to listen to an NPR station which had on their TED Radio Hour program.  It was fascinating. The topic for this week was slowing down.  (Click here for the program)

There were a series of reports on different ideas of slowing down.  One that caught our ears was the idea of procrastination.  Adam Grant is a professor, psychologist and author.  And by his own admission a "pre-crastinator"- someone who gets anxious if he hasn't completed his tasks way ahead of time.  

Even though it would appear that "pre-crastinators" get a jump on a goal, he has found that it is the procrastinators who are more original and creative. 

Being a recovering procrastinator, I was interested.  I have written and talked about planning ahead and have changed my own habits to allow time and space to do so. His research suggests that when we are faced with a challenge sometimes we need to put the work off for awhile. Who knew? 

He had many reasons to explain why.  Part of it he calls, serious uncertainty.  When you are uncertain you escape to something else, evenly passionately to avoid putting off what you were doing. It is during that time that the uncertainty stays active in the back of your mind.  We have a better memory of that which is incomplete rather than a completed task.  Once something is completed it is as if our brain says, "Okay that is over and done.  Wipe my hands of that and move on."  But if it is incomplete our mind keeps ruminating on it.  

In looking back, all my avoidance of a deadline in order to alphabetize the spices was probably my mind working on the task!   Seriously, he does make me reflect on how I do work.  Having a thinking type job, I need to figure out what is the best scenario for completing my goals. His study gives freedom to improvise and permission to change. As I am ruminating about an idea, I might decide to explore a totally different tangent. For example, he explains how Leonardo de Vinci took over fifteen years to paint one of his canvases. During that time he also explored the science of optics and the way light is seen.  His discoveries led him to paint in a different way- the masterpiece we know as the Mona Lisa. 

When is procrastination destructive or creative?  His suggestion: when actively grappling with a problem we can use procrastination to our advantage- to be quick to begin and slow to finish.  There is a learning curve of how to be skilled between toggling between creativity and productivity.  There is a time to ponder and there is a time to get going.  But we can give ourselves permission to hold tight, think a little and explore new ideas before we have to check another item on our to-do list. 

What about you?  Are you a "pro or pre" crastinator?  Has any delay in a decision, task or project resulted in a favorable outcome?  Or not?  In light of Dr. Grant's suggestion how could you have handled your latest project?  Do you need to slow down?  Or do you totally procrastinate, avoiding completely that which you need to do?  How can you jump start what you need to do?  Would knowing that you don't have to finish immediately (being slow to finish) get you to start quickly? 

What are the "pros" in your procrastination? 

Voices

Ever have the battle between two voices in your head?  This is not the schizophrenic, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" type of voices but just the little things we tell ourselves that generally trip us up.  They are the voices of two differing opinions.

For instance, I have either the Nike "Just Do It"  or Scarlett O'Hara's voice "tomorrow is another day", clammering in my head especially when I have tasks that I am not too keen on beginning. 

In my immediate family this head battle appears to be played out especially in the realm of straightening and putting away household items.  There is the battery operated bicycle reflector that hasn't quite made it to the basement for a fresh battery.  There are the piles of extra Christmas cards that are making the room rounds.  There is the bag of to-be-recycled wine corks that are on their way to their final destination (back to the wine store) yet has somehow moved from kitchen to basement to bedroom.  

Scarlett's mindset is winning.  

In 2016 I plan on being more determined to finish what I start, when I start it.

Many years ago when I worked on a very busy and stressful oncology floor in the hospital I learned that if I had time to do some task, e.g. straighten a room for the next admission, I better do it when I thought about it.  If not, the time and thought would be long gone due to the next pressing event taking its place.  When I didn't accomplish something when I thought about it, I would regret the time lost.

So many times I have not felt like straightening up only to have someone stop by unexpected or I am asked about an item at the bottom of one of my floating piles.  Either way  I am caught unawares and realize that had I only taken care of what I needed to do at the time it needed to be done, I wouldn't feel frazzled.

I have heard that one of the Montessori school program tenets  is to encourage children to learn how to pick up after themselves.  If a preschooler gets out another toy, he/she has to put away the first toy with which he/she was playing.  

Clean up after yourself as you go along.  Not a bad philosophy.

Some time management/organizing gurus suggest taking fifteen minutes each day to put away miscellaneous and stray items.  Keep a basket on each floor of your home.  Anything that is found during the day that is not in its normal place and needs to be returned to its "home" is placed in the basket.  At a specific time during the day (before dinner or bedtime) take fifteen minutes to return the items to its proper location.  

Next time I will unlock the basement door, open it and put the recycling into its container rather than walking past the pile of papers on the floor by the door.  All it takes is a few extra seconds to be done and finished.  Why, I don't do it at the time, I have no idea.

What about you?  Any small, niggling tasks that you tell yourself "tomorrow is another day" and you will start tomorrow?  How long has that conversation been exchanged?  What is preventing you?  Is the task overwhelming?  Would doing one small thing get you started?  Are you too tired to start? 

What refrains are playing through your head?