Life Held Loosely
Our small group Bible study is exploring the book of Ecclesiastes. Even if you are not Bible literate you might have heard the song, Turn, Turn, Turn by the 1960’s band The Byrds. The lyrics come from Ecclesiastes 3: 1-9,: “For everything there is a season…”
At first glance, the theme of the book is a major downer. Basically the conclusion of the “preacher” is that we live and then we die. Nothing really matters. All that we think is important is fleeting. Trying to hold on to anything in our lives is like holding on to smoke. It de-materializes.
As a global community struggling through Covid, I think we have all experienced that fleeing, dematerialization of “important” things in our lives: jobs, homes, status, relationships, health, and sadly for some, lives. Living through Covid (whether being sick or just experiencing the “collateral damage” of a world shut-down), our priorities have changed. I have spoken to workers and small business owners who have had to re-evaluate their work/life balance. I have seen families relocate in order to accommodate the new lifestyle.
In these last two weeks, we have seen Covid come pretty close to home. We have had to change plans and reschedule activities as we waited for test results. We have had dear friends test positive and be pretty sick. While we are grateful that they seem to be improving, their lives have been disrupted.
Covid on a basic level is a major disrupter. We have seen that individually, nationally and globally. We have all learned to adapt and be flexible. Something I fear is hard for the human experience. We like to be in control and to expect that certain actions always follow certain behaviors.
One of the blessings of caregiving over the last couple of years was that I have had to learn to be flexible and adaptive with my schedule. Not that I was overly happy about it. Many times I was emotionally kicking and screaming as I had to switch plans, expectations and goals. Yet, I am trying to remember to live that way during this time. It is also a philosophy I hope to embrace going forward. It can be hard. Holding plans loosely makes me feel that I am very wishy-washy. I am one who likes and honors commitment. I am having to re-evaluate the balance of work, play, and life. How can I commit to anything while still leaving room in the schedule if I have quickly change or cancel plans.
What about you? Have you had to change plans or schedules recently? Has Covid disrupted your life?
The thing about Ecclesiastes is that while we learn that we do not have any control in life, God does. All we are guaranteed is the now. God wants us to enjoy the now: to enjoy the relationships we have, the food we eat, the activities we do and the work in which we engage.
“I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; also that it is God’s gift to man that every one should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil.” Ecclesiastes 3: 12-13.
It is Not Too Late...
How would you answer this question?
In some ways I cannot believe that it is August 15th. We are half-way through August and soon, September and the fall rush will be upon us. I don't know about you, but every summer about this time of year I think, "Oh gosh. I was going to do so much this summer and didn't. Just wait to next year." With this type of thinking I have already written off the summer when technically we still have almost five weeks left of summer and still two/three weeks before "back to school".
I have found that procrastination thinking gets me depressed because I know that next year will come and go and I will once again not do all that I wanted. Or the real crux of the matter, not enjoy all that I wanted. I have decided to not wait until next year, but do something in the remaining time of this season. Generally what I want to do involves enjoying the season: to take advantage of the warm weather, to continue that unhurried vacation feeling, and to be truly present in whatever the activity.
Some Ideas:
- Treat yourself like you are on vacation: Pre-arrange dinner (an easy one- cooked rotisserie chicken , salad bar and fruit) so that you don't have to fuss or think about it come dinnertime. Put aside your electronic devices when you come home from work.
- Dine al fresco: breakfast, lunch and dinner.
- After dinner, sit on the porch (or stoop, patio, deck, yard) and have a chat with your family, friends or neighbors. Ask other questions than just "How was your day"?
- Suggestions: What was one thing that you were passionate about as a kid? How did you envision your adult life? What was one book that inspired you? Why? What is your go-to song to feel upbeat?
- Invite neighbors, friends or family over for some games. Either outdoor ones- badminton, croquet, bocce, corn hole. water balloon battle. Or indoor ones: Taboo, Sorry, Settlers of Catan, Chronology, Balderdash, any card game.
- Go star-gazing- either set out a blanket in your yard or go to a park, beach, country- some area outside of the city lights.
- Take in a drive-in movie (as a word of caution for those of a certain age- be prepared to be exhausted the next day- those movies go into the night!)
- Visit a local farmers' market or craft fair.
- Visit local ethnic festivals. Plan on eating something new to you.
- Check out local outdoor concerts- with many, you can pack a picnic dinner to enjoy during the music.
- Spend a day lulling about just reading books (either outside under a tree or snuggled in chair/bed inside). Check out goodreads.com for some suggestions.
- Organize that Fibber McGee closet (you know the one I mean). It will give you a jump start on the fall.
- Visit a local or state park. Check online to see what is in your locale and see what special programs, talks or walks that they might be offering.
- Call and set up that breakfast, lunch or dinner date with the friend that has been on your mind.
- Put impromptu floral arrangements throughout your home (bathroom, bedroom, kitchen). Cut garden flowers, foliage or wildflowers from roadside (mind the poison ivy) and place in glass jars (clean, empty jelly or other recycled ones are fun).
What about you? What would you add to the list? Do you put things off? If so, why? Do you resign yourself to waiting to next year?
Recently I found this pillow. It is in my office, reminding me each day:
What I Learned on my Summer Vacation
- Take time to enjoy experiences and people. I was so struck with the non-hurried lifestyle of vacation. Not just our experience but the lifestyle we witnessed of those around us. Of course, I am sure that there were plenty of locals who rushed about and felt that they were rushing but the atmosphere did not feel frenetic. I liked the pace we set while on vacation but I don't know how we can transpose that feeing now that we are home. I am trying to set more wiggle room in my calendar- prepare for interruptions, plan ahead for activities as well as plan fewer amount of items to do in a time period. I am trying to enjoy the moments.
- Eliminate the clutter. The apartment we rented in Vienna was very modern. It wasn't spartan or minimalist but it certainly didn't have any extra frills and thrills. It was refreshing. It made me think about our home and all of its stuff. Since we have returned, both my husband and I are in the process of decluttering. I had mentioned once before that my goal is to eliminate 1/4 of items/stuff in each of our rooms. I am getting there.
- Just because things have always been a certain way, doesn't mean it has to be that way. I think sometimes we get so caught up in doing activities because that is how we have always done them. Not that what we were doing might be wrong, but we never allow ourselves to experience something that might be different and possibly better. I noticed this with European meals, especially breakfast. When we landed in Italy via Air Berlin, our morning airplane "breakfast" was a sandwich. At first I couldn't stomach it. We had been up all night flying and had had dinner in the air. According to our flight times it was 2am EST but with the time zones, we were 8am in Dusseldorf. According to our airlines, it was time for breakfast. And according to our son who lived in Vienna for four months, breakfast might consist of what we think as "lunch" food. We noticed more meats at breakfast in Florence, Rome and Vienna. Actually when I finally ate the sandwich, (waiting for our connection to Rome) it was rather tasty. Reminds me that I don't have to fit into societal norms of what is "done".
- It takes just as much effort to dress nicely as to dress sloppily. Now that we are back in the states, it is hard to pinpoint what exactly was the clothing difference between the European dresser and his American counterpart. (baseball caps? logo and messaging t-shirts? sneakers? ) The people walking about in Rome, Florence and Vienna seemed so much more well dressed and more put together. They appeared to be more civilized and respectful of others. (not that clothes are that important, but sometimes clothes doth make a man) My husband and I noticed the difference this past weekend when we attended a local street festival in our home town. In the middle of the crowded street I stopped and thought, "We were at some festivals in Vienna and this looks so different." It wasn't until then, that it dawned on me that the attendees' clothing was what made it seem different. At this weekend's festival, people seemed so sloppy in dress, in speech and in behavior.
- Be a sponge. As always when we travel I realize what an ignorant rube I am. I have so many things that I want to learn, to explore, to do. Travel opens up curiosity. It provides a different way to look at the current experience but I think it also opens up a new way to view the familiar.
What about you? Learn anything this summer? Have you made any changes to your lifestyle? Do you want to make any changes? How can you take lessons learned or observed and put them into practice?
What did you learn on our summer vacation?
No Grudges
"Who? Me? Did you want something?"
What would our world be without our dogs? Less nuts, that's for sure.
Our Jack Russells, especially the male can drive us crazy! When he gets fixated on something, he completely ignores us. We know that it is due to our poor dog parenting but we can call his name numerous times demanding that he comes inside. No response. Eventually he will turn his head and look at us with a glance, "Oh, were you calling me?" Like there are a dozen Marley's from which to choose?
The thing is, when he finally comes in we are exhausted and enraged. How dare he not listen to us? Don't we provide him shelter, food and plenty of toys? He is a dog and we are his masters.
He is infuriating. Of course, by the time he skips upstairs after his non-listening foray (generally this occurs after going outside @ 4am, doing his business and then barking at nothing until I am thoroughly awake from calling him to come in), he is all ready to continue with his normal routine: leap onto our bed, stick his nose under the covers, sidle next to me, place his head in the crook of my arm and sigh. Acting like nothing was ever the matter. He isn't at all bothered by the tone of my voice as I yelled at him to come in. It doesn't bother him that I will kick him out of bed, possibly numerous times. He doesn't hold it against us. He will continue to try and snuggle.
Other times after we have yelled at him we have tried the tactic of completely ignoring him. Doesn't matter, he will still try to engage us with a game of ball or tug of war. He will forage in his toy bucket for just the right chew toy to entice us to play with him. His leaping, turning and rolling suggests that he is so happy to have someone with whom to play and you should be happy too.
Guess that is why I love dogs. They are so forgiving and loving. They do not hold a grudge. They continually remind me to enjoy the present: don't get hung up on the past and don't worry about the future. Nothing in life is ever too much to bear that a good chase of a ball won't cure.
What about you? Do you have any pets? Dogs? Cats? Hamsters? Fish? What have you learned from being around those creatures?
NOTE: On Wednesday, April 12th the Upper Room devotional will be running my devotional entitled, "The Path of Mercy". As readers, you can go online, Click Here and comment on the devotional. I was asked to provide a follow up so you can read that there as well.
Every Day's A Great Day
Sunday will be the fifteenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks. Do you remember where you were? I had just come back from getting the boys on their elementary school bus. I was straightening up the kitchen and had started running the vacuum. The telephone rang. It was my sister.
"Did you see the tower? I can't believe it!" There was no hello just disbelief on the other end.
"What are you talking about?" I said.
"Turn on your television." she replied. I went into the adjoining room and turned it on. Didn't matter what station, the picture was the same: An airplane careening into the side of the world trade center, smoke billowing up into the clear, blue sky. My first thought was to do a mental check of my family members: I figured our boys were in the safest place, the school with the gold and black triangle fallout shelter image on the side. My husband was at work in a small indistinguishable office. Unfortunately my nephew was in college in NYC. I had a couple of hours of worry but eventually heard that he was uptown and was not immediately impacted.
As much as it was a horrific day and for those who lost loved ones, unimaginable, I still cannot help feeling a gladness in the pride of my fellow humans. They went through such trying times, yet they rose to the occasion and did not succumb to the level of those who terrorized us. There was such compassion, generosity, and care for one another under unbelievable conditions. There are countless stories of people helping others. On the radio this week they have been remembering with stories from survivors.
One survivor is Brian Clark, a retired executive vice president of Euro Bank who was working on the 84th floor of the second tower. Once the tower was hit, the overhead speakers announced that the building was secure. It was then that the plane exploded inside and the tower shook and moved. Brian left his floor and with a feeling that something was pushing him towards stairway A, he descended. Along the way he heard a stranger's voice coming from the 81st floor and stopped to remove the gentleman from the rubble. They both escaped seconds before the building came completely down and the debris washed like a grey tsunami over the streets.
He talks about how he doesn't spend time wondering why he did what he did; if he had taken staircase C as he had planned, he might not have made it, or his now lifelong friend wouldn't have been found in the rubble. He says, "I have learned, and I tell other people, that there's no point in wasting time trying to answer unanswerable questions. ... Likewise, one cannot predict the future with any certainty. I went to work that day, a normal day, had no idea what was about to happen. So if you don't dwell on unanswerable questions in the past, you don't worry about the future, it pretty well leaves you with the present, and that's where I try to live every day. Every day's a great day. Some are just greater than others."
In a way, what a gift he has been given. To have learned to enjoy the present. I know many people who have endured tragedy say the same thing- in the midst of horror, they have been given a gift of learning to appreciate life. Some people live their entire lives and never really enjoy it.
Sometimes I feel that I am that way. I replay the past and worry about the future. I don't truly appreciate the here and now.
What a joy to know that I don't have to stay that way. That I can make a choice to concentrate solely on the present. Sad that it takes a major catastrophe for us to get it. I think that Jesus speaks to the heart of this when he tells us, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
I do find that some days it is hard to rise about the muck of the past or to move beyond the paralysis of an anxious future. I have to go through all sorts of mental exercises. It is hard work, but I press on. I try to think of the moment as my last moment. I try and appreciate all the nuances of my surroundings. I try to concentrate on the person I am with. I try and recognize that some moments are more memorable than others.
I try and embrace Brian Clark's attitude: Every day is a great day. Some days are just greater than others.
What about you? As you hear the stories of 9/11 and as you reflect on your life, what is your daily attitude? Do you replay past mistakes, hurts, grudges? Do you worry about the future and become anxious? How is your day going? Is it a great or greater day?
Restful Reflections
I am looking forward to our vacation this year. We have the privilege to go away to our beloved Cape Cod. And I do recognize that it is a privilege. Not everyone gets to go on a vacation.
The thing that I love about going away is the preparation and anticipation of a time when things are not part of our normal routine. We have time to sleep in, to have uninterrupted conversations, to spend time as a family, to have time to think and to dream.
The only thing is that in my preparation I almost always overestimate the amount of time we have away. Just like I overestimate a room's dimensions in my mind's eye especially in planning furniture arrangement, I think that we will have loads of time to bike, play tennis, go to the beach, kayak, canoe, stroll down town, attend a local play, go out to dinner, watch the stars on our lovely deck, sightsee in Boston or a neighboring town, visit one of the Islands, read the dozen or so packed books, mentally prepare for the fall and its activities. Phew! Just listing all the things that I think we might accomplish is exhausting and goes to show that I need a restful vacation with no agenda.
So, I have decided to just let the vacation unfold as it will. Sure, we have our bags packed with our books, tennis rackets, bike and beach gear but there is no pressure if we don't use all of it. I am giving myself permission to have a complete break if I want. The important thing is that I am going to try and be mindful and enjoy each moment.
While the preparation and anticipation is fun for me, the real joy comes with the actuality of the life lived focused on the present.
What about you? Do you have vacation plans this year? What types of vacation do you take? Are you good at just chilling out or do you have a hard time turning off the "to do" list? How can you focus on the present, whether that is during a vacation or your normal week?
The Pursuit of Joy
Here is my living example of pursuing joy: mindful intensity while enjoying the moment before experiencing great delight in chasing the resident squirrels.
There are lots of articles and discussions about the pursuit of happiness. There are even movies about it. But I am always struck with the two words: happiness and joy. I question, is there a difference between the two? If so, why? What is the more meaningful word? How does one pursue either happiness or joy? More importantly, is it worth pursuing?
A dictionary definition of happiness is “a state of well-being, a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” The definition of the word “rejoice,” from which our word “joy” comes, is “to feel great delight, to welcome or to be glad.”
Perhaps since I am coming from a Christian point of view, I see joy as a more theological and eternal state of mind whereas I see happiness as a secular and temporal one. In this life so much is advertised that an object- a new car, clothing, drink, home- will be the thing that make us happy and provide the state of well-being. The question becomes when the external item, aka the object, is no longer new or goes away. What happens to happiness?
I see joy as something that is more permanent. One can be internally joyful even in the midst of external chaos. Joy appears to be at peace with the external surroundings. If the surroundings change, joy remains the same.
According to the dictionary definitions, it doesn't appear to be that much of a difference between the two words. But I think so. Happiness might be a state of being, but it seems almost passive. It appears to be reactionary. I am happy when I experience something pleasurable or satisfactory. Kind of like the thermometer. The thermometer registers the temperature around it. It doesn't have any input in changing the degrees, just reacts to the air molecules.
Joy on the other hand is active, a conscious state of being, an action of "to welcome or to be glad". One has to be proactive to practice joy. It reminds me of the thermostat. A thermostat is set for the temperature one wants. The thermostat controls the environment (turning the heat or AC on and off depending upon the temperature). In a sense it is pro-active in achieving the results.
I know that my example of our Jack Russell is a little far fetched. (pardon the pun) However, I do think we can learn a lot from animals and their response to their environment. Sure, all animals react to what is going on around them: put food down in front of them and they will eat, call them to come for a treat or a scratch behind the ears and they will come. Yet, our pets seem to take pleasure, almost rejoicing in whatever situation is put before them. I don't think there is too much thought on what has happened in the past (certainly, there is no consequential learning when the dog in question eats something disagreeable- like a bowl of rising dough- and attempts to do it again forgetting the past groaning and discomfort.) Nor is there too much thought to the future.
Our dogs live in the present. They enjoy each moment as it arises.
So too can we consciously choose to live in the moment and to proactively seek joy. I am choosing this day to enjoy each moment. Whether that is being stuck in traffic, attending at a difficult aka boring meeting, having to do a disagreeable work task or spending time with one of my favorite Jack Russells. I am determined to learn how to pursue and practice joy in my life: to be present and mindful of each moment and to proactively choose to be glad regardless of the circumstances.
What about you?
And here is my living example of practicing being present in the moment. He can lie like that for a good five minutes without moving his legs. We call him doing his "cat" atonic pose.
World Stage
On Sunday night my husband and I finally got to attend the local Shakespeare theater to see a play. It was a much belated birthday gift to him, for when we originally planned it we got snowed out.
Actually the day turned out better than if we had gone in January. April in Washington, DC is lovely. The streets are abuzz with visitors. We had a delicious dinner at "our" restaurant before the show. (I say this tongue in cheek. How often do you go to a place, one time and really enjoy it and then act as if it is "your" restaurant? If anyone asks about dining in DC, we mention this one. Not that we are food critics but it is the only one we know!)
We saw As You Like It. Even though I have read other Shakespearean works and was aware of some of the characters, I had never seen this comedy. I always enjoy and appreciate the cleverness of the stage direction; how one prop from one scene is used in another way in subsequent scene. While I enjoyed it, I didn't get as much out of this play as perhaps I have with others. Might have been my poor preparation. Generally I like to be familiar with the play in question so that I can really get the meat out of the dialogue. This time I just didn't have the time to preview the play. So, I thought that I would watch it like the "great unwashed" those who would've seen it in Shakespeare's time- letting it unfold before me and getting whatever level of understanding that I could.
Of course, I have ruminated over one of the most famous lines from this play, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players." The character Jacques who speaks this dialogue is considered melancholy. A professional pessimist and all around "downer", he is viewed as comical. Although in his speech, he might be giving a a fairly accurate portrait of a man's (or woman's) life and so he is reminding the audience to be mindful of our lives and the things in which we become involved. It is also a reminder that there is no dress rehearsal for this life. Enjoy each precious moment and day that you have.
What is your world stage? Do you feel that you are merely a player in this life? What type of character are you? Do you wish for a different role? A redo of your entrance? What can you do today to enjoy your life and today's "performance"?
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII.
Happy Spring Fling
Here's my little spring fling that makes me smile- the pleasant face of pansies to greet me every time I come home.
Fling, (noun): "A short period of enjoyment or wild behavior." Also can be called a spree.
To use the term spring fling is to evoke the wild "Animal House" days of spring break, the student led carnival of University of Arizona or adults of a certain age feeling a reprieve of responsibility. It conjures up irresponsibility, out-of-control behavior, and giddiness.
I like the definition of a short period of enjoyment. I imagine spring fling as the flinging wide the shutters of winter and encountering the breeze and tender light of spring. There is much talk about spring cleaning- getting one's house in order. I also like to think of spring as a time to mentally clean out those things that weigh us down and keep us from the buoyancy of life's enjoyment: self-restraint and the fear of being foolish, staidness and the fear of being passionate about something, or inertia and the fear of change.
I think that a spring fling can be something to help prime the pump for beginning to enjoy one's life. Sometimes the little things can remind us that it is okay to be giddy about our life. Sometimes all we have are the little things that make us smile.
What can you do this spring to practice short periods of enjoyment? Here are some of my ideas:
- Eat lunch outside on a park bench, on a country hillside or on some dusted off garden furniture
- Cut or purchase a bouquet of daffodils or tulips for your desk
- Cut or purchase some forsythia or pussy willow branches, place in water in a vase on your hearth and watch the blossoms pop forth
- Check out the National Cherry Blossom Festival (if you live nearby Washington DC. If not- take a try-to-locate the blossoming cherry, dogwood, apple trees walk in your neighborhood)
- Go fly a kite
- Swing on swings at a park. Enjoy the wind on your face as you pump back and forth.
- Ride your bike on an errand. Enjoy the exercise, the zero-carbon transport and the freedom of travel without the worry of traffic and parking.
- Check out a new- for- you- genre of music (e.g. jazz, country, indie rock, classical) through Spotify or Pandora
- Pull out your old games and teach a younger generation the joy of jacks, cards, dominoes, Uno, Sorry, hopscotch or jumping rope.
- Take a neighborhood walk after dinner. Enjoy it solo, with your "Honey" or with a neighbor you'd like to get to know.