Have you ever noticed that when you might be thinking of certain themes/things, you then will see and hear that theme in all aspects of your life? I have heard people say that happens to them when they buy a new car- all of a sudden they see that exact car wherever they go.

Lately, it seems as if I am hearing about community every where I turn. Even in the ads at my local bank. No wonder the show “Cheers” was so popular. The place where “everyone knows your name”. People seem to long for community recognition yet we act in individual anonymity.

As a society, we are globalized. No other time in history is like now when the majority of the planet can know and connect with other parts of the world, yet we are also more isolated than ever before. We do not have to interact with anyone for anything- not even for acquiring basic goods and services. And if we choose to connect with others, those connections can take place in solo private settings. We have lost the shared experience of community.

I thought over the next couple of blog posts we can explore the idea of community and connection. I am treating the two together because you cannot have a community without connection to one another. What else is the purpose of human connection but to form some type of community? (recognizing that not all connection is necessarily deep).

So, what does community mean? Do we need it? What are the ramifications? Does our technology help or hinder? What can we do about it? How do we build connection with one another?

For most of my life I have felt that my nose was pressed against the window pane in observation of a gathering of others. No feeling of great connection or community. Oh sure. I have had my “group” - family, childhood friends, workplace colleagues, etc. But I have never felt that sense of deep connection that “these are my people and they get me.”

Not that it is a bad thing. For the most part, I am satisfied with my life and personality. I lean more towards being an introvert than extrovert. As much as I enjoy learning about people and their stories, I am basically shy and don’t want to impose my presence on anyone. I have to force myself out into community. I could go (and have gone) days without speaking to anyone and then when I do, my voice fails as well as my thoughts. I end up sounding like a babbling idiot. Use it or lose it.

Community used to mean one’s physical location: one’s “place” in the world. While that still is true, the word seems now to connote more of one’s identity: “A body of people or things viewed collectively,” (Oxford English Dictionary)

Author, Bill Bishop states, “It used to be that people were born as part of a community, and had to find their place as individuals. Now people are born as individuals, and have to find their community.”

I think that shift is what is causing some issues with our sense of community and connection. If each one of us, as a solo person have to find our community, we are picking and choosing what we want to be. That very choice can become exclusionary- some people will be in and some out. Even our sense of togetherness has a binary, all or nothing quality and can create anxiety and feelings of loneliness.

On a recent podcast of Hidden Brain, they explored the problem of American masculinity and how that creates a lonely man. While the explanation is specific to men, I think that there is a general observation that applies to all people- we all need some type of connection and community.

One of the things noted was the importance of community for a person’s health and wellbeing. They reported on a longitudinal social study that began over eighty years ago looking at the students at an elite university and if there were any predictions for personal success (They funders of the research wanted to find a way to predict good management professionals). Over the years, the focus and goals of the study changed and new discoveries were made yet the study was always concerned with the connection between emotional well-being and personality characteristics. One question they always asked, “Who would you call in the middle of the night if you were sick or afraid?”

According to the study, “We found that people who had warmer, closer connections lived longer, developed the diseases of middle age, those chronic diseases, less soon and had better health longer on average than people who didn't have warm, close relationships.”

Why connection? It is good for your health.

Why community? I think that there is something true about the independent streak that runs in all of us. I think that our current set-up for society has exploited that nature and whether intentionally or not has encouraged us to be solo . Look our for yourself because no one else will. You don’t need to be with others, you can get by with all that you need without them. Getting to know others can set yourself up to pain. Don’t be vulnerable. Hide behind the mask.

And so in the words of Henry David Thoreau, “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

This is not how we were designed to live. Everything in the Bible and in its story is about relationships: relationships among God and his people- both as an individual with God but also as individuals living in community with others.

The Hebrew wiseman reminds us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will life up his fellow…a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12.

In Jesus’ last days on earth, He prays for the people surrounding Him and those who are yet to come. He prays that they will be unified and connected, that they would be one. You cannot be “one” without connection. “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father are in me, and I in you that they also may be in us, so that world may believe that you have sent me.” John 17: 20.

What about you? What are your feelings of community and connection?

Stay tuned for next week as we explore connection and community (part 2) through technology.