More Than A Show
Coney Island Nurses and their Premie Charges. www.neonatology.org
I read an interesting story the other day: A story about a person who had a dream and a passion. A story about a person who pressed on even though the establishment thought otherwise. A story that right does prevail.
It is the story of Dr. Martin Couney and his invention of incubators, the heated boxes that keep premature infants alive. Dr. Couney started his idea in 1896. Unfortunately the medical establishment rejected his claims yet undaunted Dr. Couney continued on, funding his work by charging people money (10 cents to eventually 25 cents) to see the tiny babies at various world and national exhibitions e.g. Pan-American Exhibition in Buffalo NY 1901, New York World's Fair in 1939. One permanent exhibition was at Coney Island as a sideshow attraction. It was there that the parents could come, free of charge and see their babies.
In the article there was an interview with a ninety-six year old who was placed in the incubator on Coney Island in 1920. She lived there for six months. She said that years later she went to see the babies as a visitor. Dr. Couney was there so she took the opportunity to introduce herself. Dr. Couney then introduced her to a gentleman who was looking at his baby. Dr. Couney encouraged the father that here was one of the incubator babies and she survived. "And that's how your baby will grow up."
What I love about the story is Dr. Couney's perseverance. I can only imagine the medical establishment's ridicule at this "medical" showman. It was only after time that he has been heralded as a founding father in neonatology. It is estimated that he saved about 7,500 babies over the course of his career.
Years later he received a note from renowned pediatrician Dr. Julius Hess, "Now that I cannot be with you in person may I be allowed to thank my "great teacher" in this wholly unsatisfactory way for your great contribution to me and the medical profession. Yours has not only been one of scientific leadership but equally important to progress a most ethical one in every respect, and you can look back on a life well spent.
What I like too is the thought that something that was considered a "freak" became acceptable. No more do we think of the wee babe in the NICU as freakish or do we parade any individual with a deformity or disability. There is a hope for those who are not just like others- that each person has value.
What about you? Is there something that you are called to do but it is not part of the "establishment" meaning norms or cultural acceptance? Do you feel that it is the right thing to do? How do you press on? How are you in treating people who are "different" than you? Do you find the commonality?
Click here to read Dr. Couney's obituary from The New York Times.
Sent By God
Last month I wrote about Lisa Fenn, Dartanyon Crockett and Leroy Sutton- the remarkable individuals from the ESPN Carry On story. On another radio program I heard a more extensive interview with Lisa. She gave more details regarding her involvement with these young men.
When Lisa arrived at the Cleveland High School to film the boys she first met the wrestling coach. He shook her hand and pulled her in a little close so he could speak privately to her. "You've been sent by God", he said. He had been praying for these boys every day that God would send something/someone to help them.
Little did Lisa know that when she saw the newspaper photo of the boys that the pull she felt was a God pull.
How cool is that? That she was willing to go with her instinct, gut, calling- whatever you might name it- and follow where it led.
Later, during the filming of the boys at a match, one of them had all their possessions stollen- wallet, phone, books, money, etc. He was devastated and mad. How could someone do that to him, when that was all he had? At that point, Lisa said she made the choice to get involved. As a journalist, she knew that her role was to just report and observe. One is not to influence the trajectory of a story but she didn't know how she couldn't. What bravery on her part to get involved, not knowing how it might turn out, not knowing if she completely compromised her journalistic integrity. But it was the right thing to do.
Got me thinking. Do I listen to the still small voice of God? Do I get involved? Am I willing to be sent by God?
What about you? Have you ever had an experience where you were placed right where you needed to be in order to help someone else? Did you weigh the costs before hand or was the pull greater than any risk?
House of Memories
A while back there was a report on the radio about an unique museum in Denmark that doesn't really explain history as much as encourages the visitor to experience history.
This museum is not open to the general public but to groups of elderly suffering with dementia and Alzheimers. The museum is an exact reproduction of an apartment in the 1950's, during the time when those who visit would've been in their teens and twenties.
It has been discovered that associative memories- smells, sights, sounds, touch that we associate with certain experiences- help retrieve the "reminiscence bump."- that teens and twenties time of early memories. For those who are suffering from Alzheimers/dementia they need to by-pass strategic retrieval of the memories. Instead they need to jump the executive process and go directly to that "bump". Sensual associations are the key to unlocking those memories.
One of the reasons this retrieval is important, is that it allows those who are suffering from memory loss, feel as if they are still useful. They can explain for what some of the past items were used and what they did.
"When people are old and with dementia, we are taking too much care of them," says Henning Lindberg, who came up with the idea for the House of Memories. "[We say] 'Sit down. Do you want coffee? Can I get a blanket?' No! If you want coffee, make it yourself! Of course, it will take double the time to make those things, but it doesn't matter because they will be useful again. It's what they tell us again and again and again — 'I'm so happy I could be used.' "
Who doesn't want to feel useful? I know most people will express that if they cannot do "such and such" they might as well be gone. The "such and such" is usually an activity that makes the feel alive, human and useful.
What is it about humans and our feeling of usefulness? Is that what separates from all other living beings? How about you? Do you have loved ones that need to feel useful? How would you go about including them into your day to day? What things can they contribute to your household? What are you learning from them?
Are you building a house of memories?
Net Worth
This summer we attended an art show. One artist designed beautiful prints with images from the design on dollar bills.
Have you ever noticed that during a google search of someone "famous" or "infamous" there is generally a posting about their net worth? There is some conjecture of how much money they made and how much money they are "worth".
Net worth is an accounting term meaning total amount of all assets minus all liabilities. It is financial in nature with the explanation of someone's dollars and cents.
In looking at the words, it almost connotes that net worth is all there is. That is the sum of one's worth. But isn't that term short-sighted? What about someone's worth as a person? To society? To friends and family? What about the intangible worth of a person?
I've been thinking about worth lately. More than the money kind. Do I have worth? What is my purpose? Have I made any difference? What defines worth?
I think some of it has stemmed from a dinner gathering we attended not too long ago. The dinner brought together a bunch of us who were friends when we were in our 20's and 30's but haven't seen each other or connected in any significant way in the last fifteen years. In some ways, the gathering was having a Christmas letter reunion over a delicious repast.
When we were younger our group met regularly and shared our views on life. We listened to each other's employment tales, hopes, dreams and romances. When we gathered for this reunion, we listened to each other's career paths, retirement plans and long-term relationships. In some ways each person became a laundry list of things and of acquisitions; each person's things became their worth.
It made me kind of sad. What happened to relationship building? To improving the world? To the intangibles like compassion, encouragement, blessing? To sharing God's love with our fellow man?
Isn't there more to life than what one eats and drinks and what one has acquired? Does it really matter where one is on the pecking order of life?
The word "worth" has a couple of meanings: the value equivalent to that of someone or something under consideration; the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued or rated; or high value or merit.
I am trying to remember that as a child of God each one of us has high value and merit. We are formed in His image. As the old saying goes, "God don't make no junk." There is so much more to a person than his/her net worth. I think of all the quiet and small ways millions of people care for one another: sharing encouragement, physical items, time, resources. All the seemingly insignificant ways that the world is changed little by little; through thoughtfulness, respect, self-sacrifice, honoring one another, listening, treating others how you would want to be treated.
I am reminded of the scene in the movie, "While You Were Sleeping." One of the male characters Peter laments that he hasn't done anything truly heroic his entire life.
Lucy, played by Sandra Bullock says, "You give up your seat every day in the train."
Peter replies, "Well... But that's not heroic."
To which Lucy replies, "It is to the person who sits in it."
The one who gives up the seat is a person of worth.
What about you? Have you ever thought about your worth? If your liabilities outweigh your assets (physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually) how can you turn that around? Are there things you need to give up in order to invest in a life of worth? What would that look like for you?
Closets, closets, closets
Last time I wrote about my plan to declutter our home. It is definitely a work in progress. But like all home projects, one thing leads to another.
It started with my switching my summer and winter clothes. I was going through my clothing closet as I usually do, culling out the items that were too big, too worn, or that I really wouldn't wear again. I am trying to be ruthless in my purging.
Things were going well and then I realized that it had been over twenty years since I had everything out of the closet and had it painted. So, on Sunday night I painted the interior of my closet. (My husband gave me a questioning look as to starting mixing the paint after dinner. The look dissolved after I explained it was either I do it now or at 5 o'clock the next morning when I generally do home projects. Seeing that the opening of the closet is close to the head of the bed, he wisely choose to remain silent with any other suggestions.)
That led me to thinking perhaps I should reconfigure the space better. In viewing the space, and short of having a contractor come in and knock down a few walls in order to widen it, I started looking at another upstairs closet. That led to a thought, "Should I redo that closet to be my main closet and switch the items around?" That will probably lead to another project and so on and so on...
What is so difficult is that neither closet is a "normal" or average closet space. I have looked at the myriad of closets on Pinterest (and there are thousands more that I can peruse). I can not find any other closets that would match the size and scope of what I want to do. So, it is hard to imagine how best to maximize the space without feeling overly cluttered. Of course, after looking at all these pictures, I am wondering if people actually live in any of these pictures. Are they seriously suggesting that people stack and keep stacked their color coordinated t-shirts on wire shelves with only slim wire dividers to hold things in place?
I am still researching ideas as I am continuing to cull out the closets. I really want to live into the quality not quantity ideal. In putting the actual decision off for a bit while I am still sorting, I am hoping to eventually have an actual plan for the two closets and not just my wing and a prayer type of DIY. I'll let you know how it goes.
What about you? Have you ever redone a closet? Did you use a closet system? Is it still working? What would you suggest as a plan for our main closet? I would welcome your comments below. We don't plan on reconfiguring any walls or doing any major renovation, just want to reconfigure the interior to house hanging clothing (shirts, skirts, pants, dresses, blazers), shoes and handbags. It is narrow- 30 inches across but deep- 88 inches deep. About 55 inches into the closet the 88 inch tall ceiling slopes down so that the back of the closet is only about 48 inches tall. There had been two shelves in the back of the closet (you can see the wood side bars that held them up. Also the two rods are the same height. One of the issues I have is that currently I use both rods. In order to access anything behind the first set of clothing rods, I have to duck down and waddle into the closet. I feel like I am going "to ground" like our terriers when they enter the wood pile after spotting their prey.
Closet Project Number 1...
Space
Hubble peers into a storm. www.nasa.gov
Space. According to Star Trek it is the final frontier. Space in all its connotations is a frontier that I think we never will completely conquer.
When I think of space the context is
1. physical. When I am feeling overly cluttered with stuff invading our space in our home, basement, closets, dressers, etc. I feel out of sorts. My physical space is closing in on me and I begin to feel claustrophobic.
2. mental. When my physical space is out of sorts and disarrayed, I have trouble concentrating on any mental task at hand, e.g. writing. I need to have my space sorted. It doesn't have to be sterile but just a feeling that the items won't crowd out my clear thinking.
3. emotional. When #1 and #2 are crowded with too many physical and mental items, then I get emotionally overwhelmed with feeling like I have too little space, that I have too many demands on my time and attention and that I feel that my emotional space is overly cluttered. My balance is all out of sorts.
In the hopes of keeping some free space in all aspects of my life, I have challenged myself to get rid of 25% of my stuff. This is not an easy proposition. I am starting on the physical track- systematically going through each room in the house and trying to eliminate 1/4 of the items in each. I am hoping that once I let go of the physical, I will be able to see clearly what mental and emotional stuff I need to eliminate.
So, I am doing a deep sort of my closet and drawers. I have my piles: consignment, Goodwill, trash. It is such a cathartic experience. Because I want this to be an ongoing process, I have reminder notes in my drawers and closet that each time I wear something to evaluate it: What is the condition- any holes, pilling, worn areas? Do I like it? Does it fit me? Would it look better with some minor alterations? Can I wear it with three other items in my closet?
I'll let you know how I progress. For now it is like I have embarked on a new adventure.
What about you? How is the space in your life? Feeling cluttered, overwhelmed and claustrophobic? Or do have a good handle on the stuff in your possession? Do you have any processes that keep you clutter- free? For physical, mental and emotional items?
People Walkers
This summer while in Boston they had fun signs along the Rose Kennedy walkway.
“Need motivation to walk? Scared to walk alone at night? Don’t like walking alone at all? Don’t want people to see you walking alone and just assume you have no friends? Don’t like listening to music or podcasts but can’t walk alone in silence, forced to face thoughts of the unknown future, or your own insignificance in the ever expanding universe?”
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might be interested in hiring a people walker.
My husband shared with me an interesting article in The Guardian. Just as you can hire a dog walker to take your pooch out for exercise and some companionship during the day, you can hire people walkers to do the same. A gentleman from LA started this business, more as a joke, but soon realized how much people are craving for connectivity. For all our highfalutin techno society we still long for simplicity and for human interaction.
I used to walk regularly with a friend. Due to life schedules we do not walk together any more. I really miss it. Certainly the exercise was great but it is the connection, the discussions and the interaction that I miss the most. We shared joys, sorrows, funny stories, life tips and encouragements with one another. There is something about walking and talking. Talking by itself is good but adding the walking element and you feel that you accomplishing something good for both body and mind.
What about you? Do you walk or exercise regularly? Do you have a companion or a walking partner? If not, would you like to try? You don't necessarily have to hire a people walker. Ask a neighbor to join you as you walk around the block. Or find a walking/running group in your community via Facebook, or neighborhood website? Check out the community bulletin boards at your local coffee shop, grocery store, or advertise yourself.
But, if you are looking for a new career- check out this guy's story: Click here to see the article.
Channel your Monty-Python?
Stuck in the Goo
Do you ever wonder what happens to the caterpillar in the chrysalis? How does it become a butterfly? What happens when it metamorphoses? I heard an interesting audio from the show RadioLab. It discussed just that as well as the philosophical implications and the common metaphor of caterpillar/butterfly to old/new life.
What I find interesting is that at first look, there appears to be nothing from the first form to the second. How can a plodding, crawling, insect be the same as a graceful, flying winged creature?
When they open the chrysalis what they find is goo. Nothing formed, nothing recognizable. Yet when they have dissected caterpillars, they can see structures that will form wings. Amazing.
There is something new in the old, some hope and expectation yet it is not visible at first. Perhaps there is hope for humankind and for each one of us.
While we may not be our "perfect" selves and we are always a work in progress; nonetheless, we do have potential to be the butterfly that we were created to be. In some ways we are both caterpillar and butterfly.
Though in my experience, being caterpillar and butterfly is not a linear caterpillar-chrysalis-butterfly process. It is not as if once I go through the change, that is it- I stay as a perfect butterfly. Sometimes I am the caterpillar, munching away in my own selfishness. Other times I have been changed into a butterfly and have the experience of growth, new habits and a feeling of new life. Yet my experience is short-lived and fleeting. Life has a way of circling back.
Just as soon as I may feel that I have finally "gotten it", experienced a situation without jealousy, anger, impatience, etc.- you name the poor behavior that I have avoided, then I resort back to my old self. I may be floating like a butterfly but before I know it, I am stuck on the ground, mired down with my selfish ways. It seems as if I will keep going through the process until one day I am finally, totally transformed into the creature that was contained, albeit snippets, even while a caterpillar.
What I am learning about the caterpillar/butterfly metaphor is that chrysalis means preparatory or transitional state. In the life of the insect, the chrysalis stage is about the same amount of time it is a caterpillar. Which means it is a necessary stage and which means that I have to go through it and cannot shorten it if I want to come out a butterfly.
In my "life cycle" I come to places where I "think" I know what type of butterfly I should be. I am quite ready to vocalize my thoughts and plans to God. I "know" what is the best for me and just want Him to get on with any metamorphoses He has planned for me. I am "thinking" that I will be a Monarch butterfly. And so, I just want to get to that stage. I truthfully don't want to go through goo. I don't want to be in the place where I am unrecognizable and all preconceived ideas are eliminated. I don't want to live in this vulnerable stage. I want to snap my fingers and get to the place, the attitude, the changed behavior without any inconvenience or messiness.
There comes a time when I am choosing to accept the transitional stage, when I am choosing to accept being "goo" and when I am preparing my heart and mind to be the person God has originally designed me to be. It requires me to be open to new possibilities, to change some old habits and ways, to listen to His voice and to be willing to be vulnerable in the transitional stage. It requires me to enter this transitional stage trusting that the butterfly I am becoming is exactly the right butterfly that He wants. No use trying to be a Monarch butterfly if I am a moth.
What about you? Ever thought about the caterpillar/butterfly mystery? Which stage are you in? Are you willing to go through the goo? How open are you to change?
Slow Food Fixed Quickly
In my last post I mentioned fast food and the need for slowing down in our food ingestion. The thing that I find difficult is not so much the time to slow down the eating but the time to fix the meal in the first place.
I love trying new recipes but generally I don't have the time to do so on a week night. After a full day of work it is tough to enter a lifeless kitchen and stare at an empty kitchen counter and an inactive stove. If I have a plan for the meal it is a little bit better. This summer I have gotten away from meal planning. I notice it must be a universal habit to forego any structure in the summer, since many of the magazines run fall articles about meal planning. I guess when it is summer time, the living (and lack of planning) is easy.
So, in order to start the process of slowing down with our food so that we eat healthy, here are some suggestions that I have found for planning meals:
1. Google "meal planning ideas". There is a plethora of resources. 100 Days of Meals, Everyday Meal Planning, (While I have found Real Simple's menus good with providing main dishes they are lacking in the veggie/fruit/side dish area- I always need to supplement)
2. Many grocery stores are selling pre-chopped, pre-measured, ready to cook food. They also provide recipes either on line or through a store produced magazine. In our region, Wegmans is such a store. I use their recipes as starting points. Wegmans info. Many times I feel that I can chop (and thus save some money) and prep myself. Buying the ready made food can be expensive but you will have to weigh time versus money. Many organizers suggest prepping your ingredients ahead of time. Some suggestions.
3. A neighbor recently told me about Blue Apron. It is a subscription-based food prep company which will send you all the ingredients, recipes and technique to fix delicious, farm to table, home made food. You can order different meal plans each week. It isn't cheap but it isn't as expensive as I thought it would be. Certainly it is less expensive than "picking up a bite to eat" plus you have the added benefit of farm fresh ingredients. If, you have some time to fix your meal (the recipes aren't complicated or long) and want some variety using in-season, local food, this seems like a great option. (plus you don't have to do the planning or purchasing)
4. Eating healthy doesn't have to cost more than eating unhealthy foods. Google "budget friendly healthy meals" for some ideas. Budget-friendly I know some people who spend a couple of hours each weekend to prep/freeze meals for the coming week. Or whenever they make a meal if it is freezable, they will double the recipe and freeze one.
I guess as with anything it comes down to planning. Taking a little time each week to determine the upcoming meals is probably worth it in the long run.
What about you? Do you have a method of meal planning? What are your considerations? Finances? Time? Both? Do you have a go-to site for quick, easy meal planning?
Fast Food
This summer while we were driving to our destination for vacation we stumbled upon a broadcast on the local NPR station. There was a very interesting program about fast food. They talked about the history of American fast food. The fast food definition being used- mass produced food served quickly. Generally it is associated as nutritionally poor, calorie dense food. They noted that although White Castle was the first "fast food" it wasn't until Ray Croc purchased the McDonald brothers business that the modern era of fast food was born.
Fast food is not a modern invention. Ready cook food for sale has been part of the urban scene from the beginning of cities. In Ancient Rome there were street stands- places where one could purchase ready made food. With industrialization, there became a need for quick hot food for the factory workers. Productivity and time management was the driving force behind how we shaped our days. The workers had to quickly eat in order to get back to work. Over a hundred years later and we still have the same issues.
Yesterday as I was walking the dogs, we walked past a stop light. I found it amazing that almost every driver and passenger in every waiting car was eating something. In one SUV there was a couple- husband driving, wife in passenger seat and both were chowing down what obviously looked like their dinner. It made me recall a commentary I heard on the radio many years ago. The host was interviewing another journalist who had just come back to living in the US after spending many years as the Tokyo correspondence. When asked what was his first impression upon returning to the U.S., the journalist noted that he had forgotten how Americans eat in their cars. He said that he rarely, if ever saw that in Japan.
I thought how sad. What are we accomplishing here? Is it really a time saver to eat on the run?
I am the first to admit that I have eaten in my car especially when I was traveling for work. And as a family, we have also eaten in the car. I might be missing an occasion but I think the only times we have done a family meal in the car were when we were traveling and we either had our dogs with us and didn't want to leave them in the car or it was pouring rain and we had originally planned to picnic.
I understand that there are times when it happens but as a routine outing I wonder what it does for us in the long run? Certainly there are studies that suggest many benefits to sitting down at a table to eat as opposed to standing at the sink, sitting on the couch watching TV or eating while driving in a car. The act of sitting at a meal table generally slows one down in the eating process. It takes about twenty minutes for your brain to register that you are satiated with what is in your stomach. Slowing down to eat, chewing more and savoring your food allows your body to process what is coming in. Without shoveling as fast as one can, you don't mindlessly ingest unnecessary calories which can lead to extra glucose or salt laden food that can develop into diabetes or heart disease. If it is a shared meal, there is community building. For meals with small children, language development occurs, values transmitted, and habits are relayed. For some, the process of preparing, serving, eating and cleaning up can be relaxing and a needed distraction to the day.
Sitting down to a meal is a necessary and built in break to our day. In a way, what better use of our break time than to replenish our bodies with food?
I know that I eat way too quickly even when sitting at the dining room table. I sometimes look at the day-to-day process of meal planning and eating as a necessary but bothersome duty, kind of like taking CPR classes- have to do it but if there were any other way around it I would gladly participate. I am ready to get on to the next thing but really I need to ask- why? Why cannot I just enjoy a few minutes of food and conversation?
I have been challenging myself this fall to chew slowly and to savor the colors, smells, taste of the food on my plate.
What about you? Do you find that most of your meals take place in your car or your couch? Is there a way you can try to eat one of those meals at a table? Do you gulp down your food in order to get on to the next thing? Can you slow down, maybe adding an extra ten or even twenty minutes to your meal time?
Are you subject to fast food?
Every Day's A Great Day
Sunday will be the fifteenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks. Do you remember where you were? I had just come back from getting the boys on their elementary school bus. I was straightening up the kitchen and had started running the vacuum. The telephone rang. It was my sister.
"Did you see the tower? I can't believe it!" There was no hello just disbelief on the other end.
"What are you talking about?" I said.
"Turn on your television." she replied. I went into the adjoining room and turned it on. Didn't matter what station, the picture was the same: An airplane careening into the side of the world trade center, smoke billowing up into the clear, blue sky. My first thought was to do a mental check of my family members: I figured our boys were in the safest place, the school with the gold and black triangle fallout shelter image on the side. My husband was at work in a small indistinguishable office. Unfortunately my nephew was in college in NYC. I had a couple of hours of worry but eventually heard that he was uptown and was not immediately impacted.
As much as it was a horrific day and for those who lost loved ones, unimaginable, I still cannot help feeling a gladness in the pride of my fellow humans. They went through such trying times, yet they rose to the occasion and did not succumb to the level of those who terrorized us. There was such compassion, generosity, and care for one another under unbelievable conditions. There are countless stories of people helping others. On the radio this week they have been remembering with stories from survivors.
One survivor is Brian Clark, a retired executive vice president of Euro Bank who was working on the 84th floor of the second tower. Once the tower was hit, the overhead speakers announced that the building was secure. It was then that the plane exploded inside and the tower shook and moved. Brian left his floor and with a feeling that something was pushing him towards stairway A, he descended. Along the way he heard a stranger's voice coming from the 81st floor and stopped to remove the gentleman from the rubble. They both escaped seconds before the building came completely down and the debris washed like a grey tsunami over the streets.
He talks about how he doesn't spend time wondering why he did what he did; if he had taken staircase C as he had planned, he might not have made it, or his now lifelong friend wouldn't have been found in the rubble. He says, "I have learned, and I tell other people, that there's no point in wasting time trying to answer unanswerable questions. ... Likewise, one cannot predict the future with any certainty. I went to work that day, a normal day, had no idea what was about to happen. So if you don't dwell on unanswerable questions in the past, you don't worry about the future, it pretty well leaves you with the present, and that's where I try to live every day. Every day's a great day. Some are just greater than others."
In a way, what a gift he has been given. To have learned to enjoy the present. I know many people who have endured tragedy say the same thing- in the midst of horror, they have been given a gift of learning to appreciate life. Some people live their entire lives and never really enjoy it.
Sometimes I feel that I am that way. I replay the past and worry about the future. I don't truly appreciate the here and now.
What a joy to know that I don't have to stay that way. That I can make a choice to concentrate solely on the present. Sad that it takes a major catastrophe for us to get it. I think that Jesus speaks to the heart of this when he tells us, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
I do find that some days it is hard to rise about the muck of the past or to move beyond the paralysis of an anxious future. I have to go through all sorts of mental exercises. It is hard work, but I press on. I try to think of the moment as my last moment. I try and appreciate all the nuances of my surroundings. I try to concentrate on the person I am with. I try and recognize that some moments are more memorable than others.
I try and embrace Brian Clark's attitude: Every day is a great day. Some days are just greater than others.
What about you? As you hear the stories of 9/11 and as you reflect on your life, what is your daily attitude? Do you replay past mistakes, hurts, grudges? Do you worry about the future and become anxious? How is your day going? Is it a great or greater day?
Lessons From Preschool
Over the weekend there was a news report talking about ways to help behavior of preschoolers, namely how to prevent poor preschool behavior that might lead to school suspension. Apparently, suspending preschoolers is a bigger problem than you might think.
It comes down to teaching the teachers and parents how to redirect the preschoolers' feelings. Preschoolers have a trouble expressing feelings regarding difficult situations or just changes in a routine: new baby to the family, moving, trauma, abuse, neglect, etc. So, when they cannot express themselves, they act out.
Touche. I think this is not just a preschooler issue. It is a universal problem. I think we all are just preschoolers at heart. Not to call anyone juvenile but I think many of us, either due to stressors beyond our control, un-nurturing situations that have never allowed us to grow and develop or just stubborn willfulness, have acted like preschoolers. Certainly there is a growing concern and problem that individuals and groups of people feel that they are not being heard, that they do not have a platform to express themselves and consequently they act out in words, actions or deeds.
I know for myself, when I have felt that I have not been heard, not been appreciated, and not been able to express myself, I act out- feeling depressed, angry, and out of sorts.
I wonder if the strategies taught to teachers and parents to help the preschoolers would be helpful to us?
Lessons from Preschoolers:
- Concentrate on what I can do, not on what I cannot
- Redirect my thoughts when I am feeling upset
- Find a comfort corner when I feel sad
- Practice breathing, meditation, prayer every day
- Respond to others' outbursts- with listening and redirection and not with big feelings too
What about you? Have you ever felt frustrated that you were not being heard and understood? Have you ever "acted out" only to feel guilty and ashamed of your preschool behavior? What can you do to prevent that from happening? What lessons have you learned from children?
Labor Day Musings
Rosie the Riveter Poster. ( I think the caption on this poster is an odd choice but it was the only poster of Rosie- the symbol of labor- displayed on the DOL website) www.dol.gov/general/laborday/history-rosie
According to the Department of Labor website, first Labor Day celebration was held on September 5, 1882 in NYC to celebrate the "creator of so much of the nation's strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker." Over the years other municipalities followed suit and had Labor Day celebrations. It was finally in 1894 that Congress passed an act declaring the first Monday of September as a legal holiday.
It seems to me that Labor Day is generally seen as the unofficial end of summer. The focus is usually on picnics, family gatherings, and one final hurrah before the "real work" of fall begins. In the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries each municipality would have a Labor Day parade usually followed by a picnic complete with games and sports for the children and adults. I don't know of any towns in our area that do that now.
Summer isn't officially over until the autumnal equinox (September 22) but as the day after, it does seem as if the climate has already changed and we are already into fall. All those who were out of town during various summer vacations have returned: The adults are noted by the sights and sounds of honking (and gestures) of speeding cars. The college students are noted by the sights and sounds of large packs of students walking to and from class (and parties). The neighborhood children are noted by the sights and sounds of games (and arguments) playing on the street. The silent sanctuary that we enjoyed during the summer has been shattered.
And that is okay.
The summer is a wonderful opportunity for impromptu gatherings, spontaneous trips and a laid back attitude. I think it is important to treat the summer time as if one is on holiday- to have a relaxed schedule. But as with too much of even a good thing, it gets old. By the time Labor Day rolls around, I am ready for a change. I am looking forward to a schedule and routine.
Fall is my favorite time of year. Coming on the heels of summer and all the restoration that summer (hopefully) has brought, it seems as if it is the best time for being productive, creative and open to new possibilities. I wonder if that is why the original celebrations were chosen in September? As much as the labor unions wanted to celebrate the workers, it was a good rallying cry to gear up the workers for the last quarter of the year.
Each fall, I regroup and rewrite my goals for the year. It is an appropriate time to reflect on what I thought might be accomplished and to realistically revise what I can. Usually I look at that list and what I haven't completed. In honor of the original intent of labor day, I think this year I will reflect on what has been accomplished so far this year. I don't know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself- in all that I do and say professionally and personally. I can give others lots of slack, grace and compassion but for myself- forget it.
In celebrating the American worker, the creators of Labor Day were also giving the workers a full day to rest from their labors. I think one of our modern problems is that we never let our minds rest. We feel that we have to continually keep moving, keep innovating, keep working harder in order to keep up. Of course, no one really knows the true definition of "keeping up". In honor of the original intent of labor day, I am also going to (try) truly rest from my labors or at least for one day.
What about you? As you move into the fall season, have you had a chance to rest from your labors? Have you celebrated your accomplishments? Whether that is through your job, your home, your social interactions, or your family? Just showing up and being present might be accomplishment enough. Or knowing when no response was the best response in an emotionally charged "discussion".
This week take some time for Labor Day. Celebrate all that you have done so far in 2016. And then, give yourself permission to rest from your labors.
The "Pro" in Procrastinators
Last week we were taking our son back to college. It is a long journey and we forgot to take along an audio book. Fortunately we were able to listen to an NPR station which had on their TED Radio Hour program. It was fascinating. The topic for this week was slowing down. (Click here for the program)
There were a series of reports on different ideas of slowing down. One that caught our ears was the idea of procrastination. Adam Grant is a professor, psychologist and author. And by his own admission a "pre-crastinator"- someone who gets anxious if he hasn't completed his tasks way ahead of time.
Even though it would appear that "pre-crastinators" get a jump on a goal, he has found that it is the procrastinators who are more original and creative.
Being a recovering procrastinator, I was interested. I have written and talked about planning ahead and have changed my own habits to allow time and space to do so. His research suggests that when we are faced with a challenge sometimes we need to put the work off for awhile. Who knew?
He had many reasons to explain why. Part of it he calls, serious uncertainty. When you are uncertain you escape to something else, evenly passionately to avoid putting off what you were doing. It is during that time that the uncertainty stays active in the back of your mind. We have a better memory of that which is incomplete rather than a completed task. Once something is completed it is as if our brain says, "Okay that is over and done. Wipe my hands of that and move on." But if it is incomplete our mind keeps ruminating on it.
In looking back, all my avoidance of a deadline in order to alphabetize the spices was probably my mind working on the task! Seriously, he does make me reflect on how I do work. Having a thinking type job, I need to figure out what is the best scenario for completing my goals. His study gives freedom to improvise and permission to change. As I am ruminating about an idea, I might decide to explore a totally different tangent. For example, he explains how Leonardo de Vinci took over fifteen years to paint one of his canvases. During that time he also explored the science of optics and the way light is seen. His discoveries led him to paint in a different way- the masterpiece we know as the Mona Lisa.
When is procrastination destructive or creative? His suggestion: when actively grappling with a problem we can use procrastination to our advantage- to be quick to begin and slow to finish. There is a learning curve of how to be skilled between toggling between creativity and productivity. There is a time to ponder and there is a time to get going. But we can give ourselves permission to hold tight, think a little and explore new ideas before we have to check another item on our to-do list.
What about you? Are you a "pro or pre" crastinator? Has any delay in a decision, task or project resulted in a favorable outcome? Or not? In light of Dr. Grant's suggestion how could you have handled your latest project? Do you need to slow down? Or do you totally procrastinate, avoiding completely that which you need to do? How can you jump start what you need to do? Would knowing that you don't have to finish immediately (being slow to finish) get you to start quickly?
What are the "pros" in your procrastination?
What Sound Looks Like
A model was developed to understand relationships between measured sound levels and variables such as climate, topography, human activity, time of day and day of year. In general, the brighter the spot, the greater the sound intensity. Source: National Parks Service
When I was a kid there was much discussion over noise pollution. I don't remember that much was done about it but that there was a lot of talk about it.
A while back I heard a news story that was interesting; it mentioned how scientists are researching how human made noises affect the habits, habitats and ultimately the survival of animals. The scientists have noted that in some natural areas, sound levels are decibels higher. As one of the scientists stated, "Imagine you're an owl looking for your dinner," Fristrup said. "A three decibel increase in sound level cuts in half the area in which you could hear those sounds, he said. "So you are half as efficient in finding food, with a relatively subtle increase in background sound level."
The idea is that scientists are looking at ways to reduce the soundscape in national parks in order for the environment to be more natural for the animals. Makes sense. We try to protect different species by ensuring safe habitats (e.g. the elimination of DDT for the sake of the progeny of Bald Eagle) but we forget that animals rely on all their senses. For some hearing is the dominate sense.
I notice how noisy my environment is when my husband and I sit on our screened porch and try to have a conversation. Behind our home is a wide two lane road. At times it is heavily trafficked as it is one of the major roads to two hospitals and a state university. If a large construction truck, ambulance, bus or a collection of fast moving SUVs ride behind, we sometimes have to halt our conversation in order to be heard. And, we even have a barrier of trees and shrubs between us.
When you look at the above map makes me wonder how much I, one lone person, can make a difference with my soundscape? Living on the East Coast the map looks rather bright which makes me think the turn around is rather bleak. Yet I do believe that we can make a difference, one lone person at a time. Certainly we shouldn't have to halt all our noise but perhaps we can reduce it? Can we eliminate loud powered motors some of the time? One fewer car errand? One fewer cuts with the powered mower or edger? A petition to one's local government for an ordinate for some noise-free zones or noise-free times?
If we think our sounds don't impact the natural world, I have included a link to the David Attenborough's BBC video about the Lyre bird. It is a classic example of how our sounds have changed nature.
What about you? Have you ever thought about noise pollution? How noisy is your environment? Does your town or city do anything to limit noise? Are you even aware of the noise around you?
Click here to hear the Lyre bird.
Heart Transplant
There was a heartwarming story (no pun intended) a couple of weeks ago in the wedding section of The New York Times. Ten years earlier, the bride had lost her father due to a fatal mugging (a sixteen year old shot him in the head). The family of the deceased made the decision for organ donation. The recipient, a gentleman close to the deceased father's age sent a note of gratitude to the family. Over the years there was shared correspondence.
When the wedding plans were made, there was discussion over who would walk the bride down the aisle. At the fiances suggestion, the bride asked the heart recipient. So, the gentleman who received the bride's father's heart walked her down the aisle. As the bride says a piece of her dad was with her.
What a beautiful story and a generous gesture on both family parts; for the one who gave the heart away through organ donation and the other who returned it through an intimate gesture.
What has touched me is the thought of our inter-connectedness with one another. In this story there is an actual tangible connection and reminds us that we are connected to one another in some way. With all our modern medicine and research there are still some things that cannot be duplicated and can only be shared. Organ donation, organ transplantation and even blood, platelets and bone marrow donation are still human based. For some it is an easy, relatively non-invasive thing to do and for others a final gesture of generosity. It is a spectrum of personal and sacrificial sharing. And it is necessary.
I just cannot think of more poignant examples of why we need one another than to see a row of business suits sitting in chairs being connected to tubing for a corporate blood drive. Or the surgical blue hat askew on the head of a "stranger" being wheeled down for a bone marrow harvest to give to a child lying in expectation in the hospital ward above. Or the squeezing of hands between a father and daughter before one is wheeled into an operating room to have her kidney removed while the other is wheeled into an adjoining operating room to be prepped for the receiving.
What about you? Are you an organ donor? Does it say so on your license? Does your family know? Do you donate blood? If you are not able, have you ever helped at a blood donor drive? Have you ever thought about being on a bone marrow registry?
Below are some links to sites that maintain lists of donors as well as provide information.
Click here to sign up to be an organ donor.
Click here to sign up to be a bone marrow donor.
Click here to sign up to be a blood donor.
Happy Birthday National Park Service
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NPS!
Yesterday, August 25th was the 100th birthday of the National Park Service. President Woodrow Wilson signed the act that created the service on that date. The national park movement is older than that. On March 1, 1872 the first national park, Yellowstone National Park in the (then) territories of Montana and Wyoming was established. From that time forward the parks have grown. Currently there are 400 areas of national parks comprising over 84 million acres of land in the 50 US states, District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, Saipan, and the Virgin Islands.
This past week some members of my family and I went to visit Harpers Ferry National Historical Park, Harper's Ferry, WVA. It was a picture perfect day and a good time to go. Not too crowded (schools are beginning to commence) but not too desolate (we were not the only ones present at some of the talks). I have been to Harpers Ferry before but each time I go I learn something else.
Harpers Ferry, Bolivar Heights Battlefield which overlooks the Potomac and Shenandoah Rivers and the towns of Bolivar and Harpers Ferry. The ridge on the left is Maryland and the ridge on the right is Virginia.
I have found that I learn something new every time I visit any of the national parks. The park rangers are quite knowledgeable and even though they may give the same "spiel" it is always with a different slant. Plus, in some of the parks they are constantly uncovering new information about the history that took place. It is also interesting to note that not all parks are in rural environments. There are national parks in the major cities and in all topography. I have never been out West to see Yellowstone and the other "famous" parks but I have been to a lot on the East Coast.
I highly recommend visiting any of the parks. It is fun to explore, it is educational and supports our country's need for open spaces. It also is instrumental in retaining our history and in binding each of us together as Americans through our shared experiences.
What about you? Have you ever visited a national park? If so, which ones? If not, why not take a weekend or day trip to do so this fall? Or, plan to visit one of the "popular" ones next summer?
And while you are there, enjoy the birthday celebration.
Click here to visit the National Park Service website.
Click here to download a copy of urban guide to national parks.
In this Day and Age
This past week I heard another story on the radio about women and the difficulty of their lives. The thought came to mind that in this day and age it is still unbelievable that we have racism, sexism, and poor treatment of others. For all our accomplishments as humans, we still hear story upon story of age-old problems: hunger, disease, warfare, hatred, discrimination, and domination. As a species, have we learned anything?
But then I thought, why does it have to be the negative? Why cannot we say, "in this day and age.." of things that are positive? In this day and age, can you believe that we can talk to someone across the world? In this day and age, can you believe that surgeons can stop a heart and replace it with another? In this day and age, can you believe we can open a metal box and find something to eat? For the general population we no longer have to spend most of our days hunting, foraging, sowing and harvesting. For many of us we do not have to worry about shelter, food and our immediate survival.
If we have advanced beyond the basics, are we improving the lives of others? Are we moving beyond a day to day existence to something more?
I am reminded of the Biblical story of Esther. She was the only one in a position to save the lives of her people. As her uncle reminds her, she was born for such a time as this. The question becomes in this day and age and in this time and place, am I helping to improve the lives of others?
I think all of us are born for such a time as this. For whatever reason, and it is partly our responsibility to figure out our purpose, we are born into our set of circumstances: family, time, place, temperament, gifts and graces. I am living in this day and age. The next question becomes, how am I living it? For the improvement of myself and others or as a repetition of the same old human condition?
What about you? Have you ever felt that you were born for such a time as this? Or do you feel that you are a pawn in the game of life and that you don't have much say in the matter? I believe while we cannot change some of the basic facts of our place and time of birth, we can choose to embrace and improve the situations we find ourselves.
In this day and age we can choose to focus on the positive and the improvement of the day and age.
Heaven Here On Earth
Community- Leroy Sutton, Dartanyon Crockett, Lisa Fenn (picture from www.bostonglobe.com, June 30, 2016)
Yesterday I heard a heartwarming story about a former ESPN producer and two of her documentary subjects. Lisa Fenn was sent to cover the story of two Ohio high school wrestlers. One boy was a double amputee due to a train accident and the other boy was blind due to Leber's Disease. When she first went to Cleveland to cover the boys' last high school career wrestling match, all Lisa knew about their story was what she had seen through a picture of Leroy being carried by Dartanyon. She said she had never seen a picture like that before. She did her story and what unfolded is truly a miracle of how community, friendship and love can change a world.
Carry On: Leroy Sutton and Dartanyon Crockett (picture from www.bostonglobe.com, June 30, 2016)
She was touched by what both boys had experienced in life and decided that she just couldn't walk away. Long after the cameras left, she remained in their lives helping them with college and future plans.
In reading Lisa's story I am so touched. It is a story that is so encouraging and up lifting. It is a story that demonstrates hope in a world that desperately needs it. It is a story of how we can live in community and how we are called to care for one another. It is a story that provides a brief glimpse into heaven here on earth.
But it is more than a one-sided tale. It is not all about Lisa and her help. If it were all about Lisa and how she helped the boys it would be another story of a do-gooder getting involved with someone less fortunate. Certainly there is an appropriate time for that kind of assistance.
But for true transformation in societies there needs to be true charity; a recognition that we are in this time and in this place for a reason. And that I am no better, no worse than the person next to me. I can help that person and she can help me. True charity is a recognition of equals- you and I were formed in God's image. We share a connection. Once that connection is realized we can move on in the sharing of our lives, in the understanding of our differences and in our celebrating our similarities.
The boys benefited from financial aid certainly, but they also benefitted from the stability that Lisa's love provided. They in turn gave Lisa a deeper understanding of resilience, determination, courage and loyalty. They all realized that we find our lives- experiencing joy, love and community when we lose our lives- giving away any preconceived ideas, fears and prejudices.
It is a story of the bonds among the three of them and how they have forged a family. I find the story of the boys and their resilience in the face of unsurmountable odds- amazing. What is it about their characters that they did not succumb to the pressures of their environment? I find the story of Lisa amazing as well. Prior to this story, she had produced many heartwarming human interest stories. Something in this story connected with her. And she let herself be connected to it. She was open to take a risk and be stretched in ways that she never had been before.
What about you? Have you ever had the opportunity to meet someone different than you? Were you able to make a connection? Do you recognize the similarities in the people you meet or just the differences? Have you ever taken the risk in reaching out to someone who is different than you? Have you ever taken the risk of responding to someone who reached out to you? What is your community like? Have you ever experienced a glimpse of heaven here on earth?
Click here to see the ESPN video and read LIsa's story of why she stayed.
Do You Appreciate Sunsets?
Sunset on Cape Cod Bay.
One thing about vacation, we are definitely outside more. We have the good fortune to stay in a place that has a lovely deck. We eat all our meals out there- breakfast, lunch and dinner. If we are not eating at home, we will choose to sit outside at a restaurant (dependent upon the weather) or picnic al fresco.
Where we vacation has wonderful sunsets over the beach so we are encouraged to get outside to witness them.
Why do we take the time to appreciate our surroundings only during vacation? Why not every day or at least a couple times a week?
Just as I do not think extremes work for the human condition- whether it is extremes in diet or exercise- so too do I think we should not be extreme in our lifestyles. We shouldn't be all about play or all about work. As they say, we need to stop and smell the roses. With that analogy, it doesn't say stop and spend all day in the rose garden, but rather stop and take a little time to appreciate your surroundings.
A vacation is a gift of time- almost as if time could be parceled out and with a vacation one doesn't have to worry about wasting it. One usually doesn't have any major responsibilities during a vacation. I like to use the time of vacation to reflect on my goals and to see where I have been and where I am going. If I have veered off course, this is a good time of reflection to get back on track. It is a good time to plan for future changes and tweaks in my lifestyle.
For instance, I want to be more intentional with the balance of work and play. I realize that I am feeling stressed with trying to get everything accomplished in one day. If I just parceled out what I need to accomplish in smaller chunks during the day and throughout the week, I would enjoy all that I have to do. No longer would I be pushing from one "to-do" task to another. I would have to time to appreciate sunsets more.
What about you? Have you noticed your surroundings? How do you balance all that you have to do in a day? Do you find that you are rushing from one event to another without any clue on how each event went? Have you seen the sunset lately?