You Can't Make This Stuff Up
For some summer fun I thought I would list all the advertisements, slogans, posters, signs that I have seen recently that have made me chuckle:
“I drive smart. Driver’s Ed taught by cops.” (Obviously not the grammar police.)
Secular Student Alliance (Noted at a public university. But isn’t that the whole student population?)
Donald J. Trump reading glasses- (Does one need glasses to read 144 characters?)
We have the highest trained mechanics. (Noted in the state that has approved medical marijuana.)
Eat here. Get Gas. (It all depends on the order of things…)
Beware of dog and children. (seen just yesterday on the gate of a residential home)
Handicapped parking in the middle of a field…
Handicapped parking noted behind a tennis court, set in a far field at a local high school. How one is supposed to get there?
What about you? What have you seen on your travels- either to work, play or vacation? Anything that strikes you as funny? Anything that you have seen time and time again, but you may have passed by? Try looking at your surroundings with an eye for the ridiculous, ironic or just plain silly.
1%
We have seen both our grown sons in the last couple of weeks. Quite a feat as they are busy young men. It is interesting their respective personalities- some things are similar to each other and us and some are not.
Both boys are pretty organized with their lives, not just the logistical organization of home and scheduling, but the organization of learning, growing, self-improvement. While they both are very active, they seemed to have a good balance on work/life.
Our one son is probably a little more scheduled than his brother. He has set timers on his computer to remind him of the different tasks in the morning. “workout”; “breakfast”, “shower”. Mh first thought is “oh no. a schedule?” (For as organized as I am and as often as I write a schedule, I find that I am too much of a free spirit to actually stick to a schedule.)
But for him the schedule gives him freedom: he doesn’t feel rushed or overwhelmed. He has wiggle room in his schedule so he is prepared for interruptions. I liken it to Financial Peace University. One of the goals of having financial peace is that one doesn’t have the extra stress of unpaid bills and worry over money. There is a freedom in knowing that things are generally covered and their is a freedom to have wiggle room and be financially generous.
As we were talking through a current scheduling dilemma I am in, he suggested- “1% Mom. Just do 1% or one thing extra each day. The idea is to slowly build into change.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
I have been saying this for YEARS and while I have practiced it before, in my overwhelming state of a packed to-do list of responsibilities, I had forgotten. I liked having someone else give me “permission” to break out of my norm and try something new.
So, I give you permission to break out of your norm or rut or whatever place you feel stuck. Try 1 %. Just one thing extra or different each day. It might be a small change to a bigger goal or it might be just something new you want to try.
I am giving it a try. For this week so far (as I write this it is three days in- not a routine yet), I have been able to stick to a small change in my schedule: write my journal pages first thing in the morning. And I have noticed that some of the other routines I have wanted to do are falling into place as well: daily yoga stretch, three hours of concentrated writing. Once again, when we prime the pump for change, it starts a flow of other change.
What about you? Where are you stuck in your life? What can you do to unstick? What would be your 1%?
False Weight
When the tension is right, a ukulele has such a happy sound.
Are you carrying around false weight? Not necessarily poundage that has somehow been added to your middle or the weight that doesn’t match your driver’s license description, but the false weight of an unbalanced life? Do you feel that you are leaning too much in one direction- work, family, housework, care-giving? Do you ever feel that life is toppling around you or that you are listing to one side?
It seems as if my entire life has been about balance. One of my favorite verses as a young child was “A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight.” (Proverbs 11:1) While this Hebrew wise man may have been referring to actual weights and scales (the practice of adding a little more weight to the side of the merchant), I always felt this verse could be applied to other false weights.
Even then I was interested and tried to discover a balance in my life: how to juggle all my activities-school, hobbies, social, extra-curricular, etc. As a young person it was almost a game to see how much I could pack into a day and how much responsibility I could manage. I would falsely tell myself (in the words of Mr. Incredible), “I have time.” I have time to go from one thing to another and to say yes to one more thing. Unfortunately most of my memories are of the process of rushing from one activity to another, feeling that inner crazed agitation and not truly enjoying the moment. I do not think God wants us to live our lives in that manner. He wants us to be free of anxiety, stress, and frustration. He wants us to have joy in what we do.
As an adult, I have tried many things to remedy the rushing, non-joyful situations that my off-balance lifestyle creates. I do not want to feel unbalanced: toppling under the weight of over-commitment. Periodically I will review my obligations list. I say no to things more times than I say yes. Yet still, I feel that my days are out of control and that I am scrambling to keep up.
It occurred to me that it is more than just a rearrangement of my schedule (although that is certainly something that I should do). I definitely need clarity of vision as I assess this weight of obligation. I was reminded in my yoga workouts that balance occurs with the pull of opposite and opposing forces. One stretches and reaches upward as one settles, pushes and grounds one’s feet to the floor.
There has to be tension in balance.
I think for so long I was trying to strike some type of life balance without experiencing any tension. I thought that the tension of rushing and deadlines was creating the unbalance: If I eliminate the rushing and deadlines that tension would be released and then I would feel balanced.
But that doesn’t work. It is like when we had to replace strings on our ukulele. Once you take off the old string, you have re-thread the new by starting with the bridge, attaching the string and the working your way up to the headstock and eventually wrapping the string around a tuning peg. Once the string is in place, you can begin tuning the ukulele by tightening the string to the correct pitch. The string has to have enough tension so that the note can be heard. Too little and it is just flaccid- no recognizable sound can be distinguished when it is plucked. Too taut and the pitch is extremely high- no recognizable note and the string can easily snap. A correct tension provides the right note for the string.
While we can hear and see the correct tension for the ukulele’s string, how do we hear and see the correct tension in our own lives? I feel that this is something with which I will always struggle. How do we have just enough tension in our lives so that we are not too taut, or too flaccid, or too heavy on one-side or the other? Most importantly, how do we keep things balanced so that we do not snap and break?
I think that some of our tension is directly opposite in a binary tension and other types of tension are triangular.- three areas that need to be in concert with one another.
Some (of my random) Thoughts on Keeping a Healthy Tension:
Equal amounts of things that need to be done against things that you want to do- tension of the reality of one’s responsibility and the potential for future endeavors.
More positive thoughts than negative- tighten and focus more on affirmations (truth) over condemnations (lies). We talked about it before, keep the balance of three positive thoughts to outweigh one negative.
Work and Play- that which we do to give to others (profession, vocation, volunteering) and that which we do to give to ourselves (recharge).
Eat, Sleep, Move- the three foundations for good health. All work in concert of each other.
Family, Friends, Faith- the tension of spending time in relationships- reaching out to others, reaching up towards God and reaching inside oneself- all to build healthy relationships and understanding. It is the upward and outward focus that helps keep things in perspective for me.
Mind, Body and Spirit- If you don’t think that all three need to be balanced with each other- see how long it takes for one area to be problematic (e.g. minor illness like a cold) before the other areas are having difficulty (e.g. hard to think clearly with a cold).
Embrace the things you have to do. Don’t fight the responsibilities. While things might seem heavily concentrated in one situation (in the throws of child care; elder care; big work project) most things do come to an end. The children grow up, the elderly parent passes away, the project gets completed. When I remember the long game, I keep things in perspective and don’t feel the weight of responsibilities so much. I also remember God’s faithfulness and mercy towards me in past situations and rely and trust in Him for my current predicaments. I remind myself: Enjoy the whole experience. Some day when it is over and if I am truly honest about the whole experience, I will miss even the difficult parts.
What about you? Are you carrying around false weight? What do you do to stay balanced in your life? Do you experience any tension? What does that look like?
The other thing that I have noticed about balance- the more I do it, the easier it becomes.
What is in a name?
Perhaps you heard the news? Merideth, a media conglomerate sold Sports Illustrated (which they acquired from Time Warner in 2018) for $110 Billion to Authentic Brands Group. The new company is not interested in the magazine for any literary or informational purposes. Rather, Authentic Brands is only interested in the intellectual properties of the magazine: branding, marketing and interest that the name Sports Illustrated promotes. [As I write that sentence it makes me smile- “intellectual” properties from the magazine that became well known for its annual swimsuit edition. Obviously people bought SI for the articles.] As it was reported on NPR, “Authentic Brands also controls the rights to a wide array of brands, including such pop cultural figures as Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley; such sports figures as Julius Erving and Shaquille O'Neill; and such fashion lines as Juicy Couture.”
In essence the company exists and promotes, not any substance or content or character but rather how people feel about the name: Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Shaquille O”Neill, Juicy Couture, etc. In a world where appearances are everything, it is no surprise. It is all about shallow thinking-how do I feel rather than what does this person’s character say and represent?
Yet, in looking into the idea of “branding” I came across some interesting tidbits. Branding has its origins in livestock branding- putting a mark on one’s sheep to denote ownership. Eventually it became a guide for quality as well as ownership. In the ancient world, brands or seals were used to describe quality of ceramics, textiles, food. Partly, as a necessity to the illiterate society, a brand contained pictures of the item and the manufacturer. The idea that a consistent representation would let the consumer know the quality and consistency of the product. So, it is no surprise that the over the last thousand years, brands have morphed into brand identification, awareness and loyalty. Brands consist of four types of meaning: attributes; benefits; values and personality. The way it is described, the brand has taken over the person. Which is certainly the case in what the Authentic Brand Group has done with the various actors and sports figures it acquired. Having purchased one’s name, the group can use it for anything they want. Personally, I would find that upsetting.
Just recently I was in my favorite art gallery (actually, to clarify it is the only art gallery that I have ever patronized) to see about my favorite artist (The ninety-six-year old artist who painted my “Petunia in an Onion Patch” painting.) I chatted with the gallery owner and she gave me an update on the health of Vivian Oswell. She saw paint on the back of my hands and asked if I was a painter too?
“Well, I actually am house painting at the moment..” I said, “But years ago I did paint some primitive type items and sold them in a small shop in town. I am sure that the purchasers have given those items to a Goodwill somewhere.”
That prompted her to tell me about another local artist who would peruse the paper for estate, garage and yard sales. He would go around and repurchase his work- especially if it had not been properly cared for, example the print was fading, etc. He did not want people to see a half done work or ones that did not show his craft in the optimum light. When she mentioned his name, I recalled that we had a print of one of his paintings that I got at a local thrift shop. I purchased the picture, not necessarily for the print but for the frame. However, I did use the print in another frame and have it hanging in our bathroom. She showed me his work hanging in the gallery and I found the original of my print.
What I found interesting was that for this artist, his name on the picture meant everything to him. It was more than just what the picture represented, it was the representative quality of his work, his integrity and in essence, his character. Yes, his work is a “brand” but it was so much more than that to him and to those who admire his work. For him, if his work was sullied, so too would he be sullied. He could not separate his “brand” with what and who he was.
What about you? What is your brand? Is it separate from the essence of who you are? How do you go about keeping your character, your integrity or your name? Have you ever lost your “brand”? How do you go about getting it back? Can you?
I was reminded of the Proverb (22:1) “A good name is more desirable than riches.” When you think about it, our name is all we have. Our character, integrity and essence are the only things that can transcend time and are certainly the things people remember about us.
What’s in your name?
Bucket Learning List
What type of activities/experiences/learning would you put in your bucket?
Recently I heard someone speak about her “bucket learning list”. I think by now, the term bucket list is pretty much universally used to describe those activities or experiences that one wants to do during one’s lifetime.
What I like about this new expression is the emphasis on learning. What subjects do you want to learn in your lifetime? I have found that when I think about it, the list continues to grow and grow. If I give myself permission and if I had enough resources and time, my learning appetite is insatiable.
I think I would want to thoroughly learn about all educational subjects: Literature from all countries (e.g. English Lit, French Lit, South American Lit, Russian Lit. etc.); History- especially the interconnectedness of the events happening simultaneous throughout the world, Fine Arts- music and art history, appreciation, as well as the mechanics of painting and performing music, Latin, Greek and Hebrew (to be able to read the Bible in its original form), Romantic Languages (although my track record is not so hot), Astronomy…
In addition I would want to learn how to do basic carpentry, master gardening, the proper way to use cooking knives and chopping techniques, science/chemical reactions of cooking, salsa dancing lessons, interior design…
This is just a partial list that I compiled in two minutes.
What about you? What would be on your bucket learning list? How would you go about learning that information? Do you need to find more information about the educational opportunities in your community? Do you have friends who are “experts” in a specific field? Could you meet and trade information? What does your local community college offer? Parks and Recreation counsel? Local library? If attending classes are not in the budget, what about systematically going through the subject books in your local library? (for instance, all the biographies on all the United States Presidents.) Or, systematically go through YouTube videos on a subject. As you start looking at information, intentionally look at opinions or information from opposite viewpoints.
One of the greatest gifts that God has given us is the gift of curiosity and learning. If these things do not come naturally to you, cultivate it- start by looking at your world as if seeing it for the first time. You will be amazed at what you learn and see.
The Greeks have said, “to marvel is the beginning of knowledge and where we cease to marvel we may be in danger of ceasing to know.” ( E.H. Gombrich, Art and Illusion)
Fill that bucket by marveling at all the things you can learn.
Attitude Adjustments
I have been thinking a lot about attitude lately. In general, how does one cultivate a good attitude especially when one has a tendency towards a poor one? As with so much in life- once we are thinking and spending time pondering an idea, we hear all sorts of advice on the subject.
Recently I was part of a women’s retreat. It was a time full of faith and fellowship. There was much authentic sharing during the weekend. I was amazed at how quickly, humbly and willingly women were in sharing their hurts and sorrows.
While I am amazed at the depth of courage and strength these women shared, I couldn’t help wondering, what is wrong with me? For whatever reason, I feel that I am not in a place of deep sorrow or hurt. In fact, life is pretty good. I felt almost a pressure to say my life was terrible when it really isn’t. I am always cognizant of the pain and sorrows of others and generally do not share all the good going on in my life because I don’t want it to seem like a competition or a “in your face,” etc. However, by not sharing my story in my “abundance” I am not being truly authentic with others, and by my unspoken words, have made it a competition.
That is wrong of me. It keeps me separated from others and is not the community into which God has called us .
I realized that we do need to share with one another ALL the things going on in our lives. The good, the bad and the ugly (equal emphasis on all, not just the bad and ugly). For focusing on all aspects of life, helps keep things in perspective. When I am going through difficulty and I hear someone share about the good things in life, I can see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Although I must admit that in my immature moments, I can be a little jealous of the shared good times. However, many times the stories involving good times have difficulty woven in. When I hear the total picture, I can learn to be grateful for others’ stories and not focus solely on myself. Conversely, when I hear that someone is having a tough time, I can reflect and be grateful for what I am experiencing and also (if it seems like an appropriate time) be able to share my perspective.
God is good and He wants to give good things to His children. Sometimes we do not recognize His gifts as good but when we gain eternal perspective, it is all good. Hearing all sides of life- good, bad and the ugly helps me gain that eternal perspective.
I also think the tendency to negativity is another way that the father of lies tries to chip away at our soul and keep us separated. It is all part of the “not good enough, nothing will ever work out, hopeless state” he wants to keep us in. The Father of Light tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, there is a future and plan for each one of us and that through Christ there is hope in an eternal tomorrow.
And so as I have been thinking about optimism, I have come across these ideas:
A mosaic made during the women’s retreat to demonstrate how our brokenness is used by God to create something unexpected and beautiful.
No-Complaint Day. One practical way to stay optimistic is to practice a set amount of time with no complaints. Typically starting for one day and continuing each day without complaints for about a month. However, if you are a complaining type person (yours truly somedays), you might want to set the bar low at first (1 hour or half a day). But if you can, try and go a whole day without complaints.
Glad Game. If you are the type which complaining rolls off your tongue and even one hour of no-complaints gives you pause, you might have to institute the “glad game” while you are resetting your thoughts. The glad game comes from the old Pollyanna books/movies. Pollyanna, the main character would play the glad game whenever she felt sad or disappointed. Instead of saying the such and such happened she would say, “I am glad such and such happened because… (and reframe the negative to a positive). Kind of corny but as a person thinketh, so he/she doeth. If we start thinking positive thoughts, we are more likely to remain positive.
Smile more. If you do not think that smiling matters, try it for a day. When you are out and about, or even among your family and friends, try smiling at people. Again, if this is not your nature, those who know you might wonder if you have lost a few marbles. But, most people respond by smiling back. It creates an atmosphere of joy and encouragement.
Repeat positive affirmations: Some people have a daily mantra of positive thoughts. I prefer to remember the truths that God has said: I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am his cherished child, He has a plan and purpose for my life. Find scripture that has meaning for you and say it in the morning and throughout the day. Especially when the father of lies gets into your head to tell you otherwise.
Each day when you wake, choose to be optimistic that day. Some days may be quite easy to remain positive: the sun is shining, you get a good night’s sleep, you feel reasonably well, there were no “crisis phone calls” in the middle of the night and your hair isn’t frizzing. The real test will be when the days are dark, damp and miserable and your soul feels the same way.
What about you? Are you naturally optimistic or pessimistic? Do you naturally complain? (Or as I like to justify my complaining, “just stating facts…”) Are you going through a really tough time? Is there someone you know who might have gone through something similar and is now in a different place? Could you reach out to him or her? How do you re-frame your thoughts?
“Lord, I choose this day to be positive for you- to relinquish all control, all fears, all doubts, all worries to you. Come into my heart, soul and mind and transform my negative thoughts and actions to positive ones. I rejoice that you will always be near me, that you are before and behind me and that you guide my steps. Amen.”
One-Eyed Dog
Our sweet male dog is going blind. He has no vision in his right eye due to glaucoma. It was a relatively fast progression- no indication that there was difficulty until one day, his right eye seemed swollen and blood shot. On examination the vet diagnosed glaucoma. He now has the pressure in his eye checked periodically and receives eye drops each day. Interestingly the eye drops are the same that people use for glaucoma. When I asked the vet where I was to get his prescription she said, “ your local pharmacy.” The first time I had to send in a Rx and then pick it up for the dog I was ready for them to ask for his birthdate and ID.
Since losing his vision, I have noticed that Marley is a little more tentative in coming when he is called. Not that “Mr Obedient” was super attentive in that category. He also has run into door jams and other areas where he is missing some depth perception. And he can miss dropped food even when it is pointed out to him.
Sometimes I wonder about the lessons I see with him and my spiritual life.
I certainly am hesitant to be obedient to God’s call. There are things that I know that I should do and that I don’t and things that I do that I shouldn’t. While it doesn’t excuse my behavior, I am in good company. The apostle Paul said much the same, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.“ (Romans 7:15; New Living Translation)
I think it comes down to trust and control. While in my head I may know that the God of creation, the God who made my inner-most being has the very best for me in mind, I still am hesitant to trust and believe that He really knows what He is doing. I still think I need to be the one calling the shots. As in the case of Marley and his disobedience, at best, he can miss out on receiving rewards because of his hesitancy and at worst, it could lead to injury or death if he doesn’t listen promptly.
There is an old hymn, “Trust and obey. For there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.” At our Tuesday night Bible study we were discussing the word, “submission: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.” It is a word that isn’t very popular, but as one of our ladies pointed out, submitting to another’s authority causes that other to be responsible for the “submittee”. In essence, it lightens the submittee’s responsibility and provides some freedom for the one who is submitting. That can bring about a lightness to our burden of life.
I have no depth perception when it comes to the big picture. Just like Marley, I can get tripped up by things right in front of me: perceived injustices, misunderstandings, frustrations, delays, perceived barriers. All the things that limited vision cause. I can easily become focused on me and my needs and forget those around me. When we are “looking in the mirror” it is easy to stumble and run into things. We need to listen to the Master for guidance as we walk through this journey of life. The old hymn, “Be Thou My Vision” captures the image of us fully relying on God for our perceptions: “Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart, Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art, Thou my best Thought, by day or by night, Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”
And I can certainly miss opportunities even when God directly points them out to me. When God is specific in His direction for me (which can be in the form of universal truths through His word or through His Holy nudges) I will look every where else before going in the correct direction. Much like Marley and his sniffing in every direction around the morsel of food. He might sniff the shoe molding a foot in each direction before he comes back to the spot where the dropped food is located. There is a lot of backtracking.
If I listened to God initially, not only would I be able to discover what He has in store for me, but I might even get a second opportunity for something else. When He has a lesson for me to be learned, if I miss this first opportunity, He will keep providing other scenarios for me to learn that specific lesson. In essence, I cannot “move on”. My delaying hampers my growth. My choice.
Kind of like the parable of the king inviting his people to attend a feast. Many had other opportunities and excuses- “I have bought a field and need to go and see it; I have bought oxen and need to look them over, I am just married and cannot come.” (Luke 14: 15-24) So the king ordered his servants to go out to the street and invite anyone they saw- the poor, maimed, blind and lame. The king was going to have his banquet. Those who missed it, missed it. Once an opportunity is missed, it is missed. God’s purpose will be done whether I am joining Him or not.
What about you? What lessons have you learned from your dog? Your cat? Your pets? Where are you on the spectrum of obedience? What is impeding your listening to God’s call? Are you blind to what God is showing you? How can you improve your vision? Is it a matter of “thy will be done”? Or, do you need to “see” what He is showing? Is that through reading His word? Praying to Him? Seeking spiritual guidance and direction from a mature Christian?
While our one-eyed dog can be an independent knucklehead, I have noticed that he does stay close to me on dog walks. He relies on me being on his “bad” side so that he can use his good eye to see what is going on. I guess he trusts me enough to be on the side where he cannot see, knowing that I will be his eyes. What an image for me to remember- allow God to be my eyes, so that all that I see is what He sees.
Lilac
First time blooming. It has been at least ten years since I transplanted the wandering off-shoot from my neighbor’s old lilac bush.
I love lilacs. They are one of the first flowers that I identified with as a child. I think it is because my mom loved lilacs. We had a bush around our house. Each spring my mom would cut some of the fragrant blooms and arrange them in a white with green-leaved-patterned vase and place it on the stereo system cabinet in the living room. (This was the place for any floral arrangement.) The blooms were so fragrant, wafting throughout our split-level home.
When we bought our present house, I was pleasantly surprised to find that there were lilacs on the border of our side yard. My surprise was short-lived however when I discovered that the bushes belonged to the neighbors next door. Then one year, the bush spread out and sent a root under the fence into our yard. Calling on the neighborhood law of “if it hangs or comes over to your side (the imaginary line in the middle of two properties) you have the right to do anything with it.” So, I dug up the lilac wanderer and transplanted it to another area in our garden.
When I transplanted it, the lilac was only a stick. Many times I had to remind myself not to pull it out. Over the years, the stick grew. After it grew into a recognizable bush form it appeared healthy yet still there were no blooms in sight.
This year- voila! It has not one or two blooms, but is full of them. When I first saw it, I was so excited. I did my spring clean-up late this year so was shocked to see the blooms. The more I have been puttering around the garden, the more I have enjoyed the entire bush: its delicious scent, the gentle rustling of the heart-shaped leaves, and the space it now occupies in the garden.
It has made me think about life and time.
We (and I include myself most definitely in that collective) are impatient people, wanting things here and now. Sadly, that is my nature more than I care to admit or want to behave. I am especially impatient with God. Why hasn’t this happened, NOW? Or I will demand action from Him when I think there has been sufficient time between the initial request. How absurd and foolish on my part. Who am I to think that I can speak to the Creator of time in that way?
God’s timing is not our own. There are many examples in the Bible and in people’s lives (myself included) that things happen in a completely different time frame than from what is expected. Noah and his family and ALL the animals waited inside the arc for over a week before any rain fell. Sarah and Abraham waited twenty-five years from the promise of a great nation to when Isaac was born. David waited over fifteen years from when he was anointed king to when he actually ruled.
Time and time again in my life I have had delays in situations that I thought should’ve been handled more quickly. I think of the time when we were trying to sell our former house. It was the home my husband lived in as a bachelor and then we lived there as a married couple. But, after our first child was born, we knew we needed to move into a bigger abode. We tried selling it ourselves and then with a realtor.
Nada. Nothing. No bites. I would see other houses that would sell but ours didn’t. I kept praying, “Please Lord. You know how cramped we are. Please bring the right buyer for our home.” Eventually we decided to take the home off the market and make the best of the situation.
Two years later, we were expecting another child. We thought “this is a good time to sell and look for another house.” So, we put the house on the market. We had a different agent and a different plan.
Once again, Nada. Nothing. No bites. Not that we didn’t have people look at the house: we had a blind person”feel” the walls and property, a doctor inquiring if it would be a medical office (did I say that it was located on a hill- very steep steps from the main road to the front door?), numerous people asking about the third bedroom (of which there was none- otherwise we might have stayed ourselves).
Time passed. Our second son was born and we decided, I guess the timing wasn’t right again.
Unbeknownst to us, our realtor hadn’t removed the MLS listing. We got a call about two weeks after we took our house off the market- someone wanted to look at the house. Not only look but purchase! It was an answer to prayer. The thing is, only now as we look back do we see God’s perfect timing: by the time we were to buy the house, we received some inherited funds that allowed us to not worry about mortgage payments. As we experienced some lean times over the subsequent years (another story of God’s provision) we were able to not worry about mortgage bills.
Had I had my impatient way- buying a house a couple of years earlier- we would’ve been living in a much-too-big-for-us-to-afford-type house, our children wouldn’t have lived around the corner from Grandparents nor would they have learned the lesson of financial peace and security.
God’s timing is not our timing. It is better.
If our lilac had bloomed initially when it was a stick, it would’ve been straggly. The blooms would’ve been too much for developing branches and might have caused the bush to become stressed, diseased and died. As it looks now, it is well shaped, the limbs can withstand the heavy blossoms, and I suspect that next year we will get even more blossoms.
Sometimes we are not developed enough to withstand the full force of the situation we are asking God. If I had married the person that I thought was “THE one” of my teenage years who knows what disaster would’ve befallen me. I needed to grow up and experience life before I was ready to meet and marry my husband.
Sometimes the waiting isn’t all about us and our specific needs. While God’s ways are mysterious and He has the power to meet everyone’s needs simultaneously, sometimes our waiting is what is needed for the situation to work out for someone else. In the case of our selling our former home, my husband’s grandfather was waiting to see his second great-grandson. Our son was only three days old when we brought him to the nursing home. Pop got to hold him and visit for an afternoon. The next morning Pop died in his sleep. He was a couple months shy of his 103rd birthday when he met our son.
What about you? Do you have plans or are in a situation that seems to not be moving along or growing in any way? Are you tired of waiting? Do you feel that everyone else is blooming around you and you are not?
Hang in there. I know that I am. Some days the wait is really hard but it is worth it. Look at my lilacs!
Here is a bouquet of lilacs from the ten-year old bush, fashioned in my mother’s old white vase.
Some verses to help keep you going. No surprise that many of the encouraging verses comes from the Psalms- the most authentic, “this is how I feel” verses in the Bible. I know that I have to hold on to them, some days more tightly than others:
I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD. (Psalm 40: 1-3)
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. (Psalm 37: 7-9)
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:14)
O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. (Psalm 5:3)
996
I have always loved rocks and stones. Here are three stones (like my “logo”) to remind us of balance and priorities. For me it is faith, family, friends.
Have you heard of the new working model for time at the office? No longer “nine-to-five” or 24/7 but 996: twelve hour days (9am-9pm), six days a week.
According to the head honchos at Alibaba and Tesla, long work hours are a necessity for company growth and success. Alibaba’s founder, Jack Ma wrote on a Weibo post, “To be able to work 996 is a huge bliss...If you want to join Alibaba, you need to be prepared to work 12 hours a day, otherwise why even bother joining,” He has also encouraged young people to work more than forty hours a week, until the government pointed out that working employees over a forty hour/week is against the law. Yet he has also been known to say, “ I'm coming to this world not to work. I want to come to this world to enjoy my life. I don't want to die in my office. I want to die on the beaches.” Seems like he is a little confused over his work/life balance.
Tesla’s Mr. Musk has scoffed at those people who think forty hours/week can contribute anything to society. He is an advocate of long working days. “Nobody has ever changed the world on forty hours a week.” He advocates people to work 80-100 hours a week.
There has also been controversial employment practices at Amazon. According to a New York Times’ insider report, “Many of those workers said Amazon had provided them with great work opportunities and found its boldness and inventiveness addictive. But they also said the culture at Amazon seemed almost punishing by design, and described a workplace characterized by frequent criticism, often excessive workloads and expectations the company itself calls ‘unreasonably high.’ “ Those who had worked for the company and have left describe their feelings as similar to the soldier or civilian who has witnessed battle and has come through it: a pride in going through hell and surviving yet glad it is over.
In all these companies, working longer does not allow for any type of work/life balance. If anything, there is a total imbalance. Zhou Hongyi, the chairman and chief executive of Internet security firm Qihoo 360, said striking the right balance was an impossible task.
Speaking at a media briefing last week, he said, “I’ll call you my big uncle if any of you seated here can say you truly balance family and work,” . (Referring to someone as “big uncle” – or da ye in Chinese – is a mark of great respect.)
However, there are other working models ones that seem to have more of a balance between work and life. According to the World Happiness Monitor (who knew?), the countries with the happiest people seem to be the ones who have this balance in order. They work forty or fewer hours a week and have a livable wage in order to spend time with family and friends when not working. Granted these are companies in countries that have a different set-up for health care, childcare and other employer and employee-type expenses. Do these countries have a lower expectation of what constitutes happiness? (https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/worlds-happiest-countries-united-nations-2019/index.html)
Is it only in the innovative companies and environment that we push ourselves over the limit? Do we have to subjugate our individual desires/needs/happiness for the greater good of company/innovation/advancement of society? Are we advancing society when we push the limits at all costs? Does that strategy backfire in the long-term of society or does it propel it forward?
I guess it comes down to what you want out of life? What do you feel is important? What is your purpose? Are you answering a higher calling or a greater good other than yourself?
At this stage of my life, I do find that I am questioning how I spend my time. Does it serve a purpose beyond myself? Does the activity align with my goals which I try to align with God’s calling?
In Ephesians 5: 16, Paul reminds us to “make the most of every opportunity”. Of course all scripture can be used for any and opposite arguments (making the most of every opportunity could mean for some to work ALL the time). The intention is that we make the most of our days- to live out our lives to benefit God and others. The Psalmist says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” I think that when we recognize our priorities for our time, we do gain wisdom.
Here are some tips found online regarding work-life:
1. Prioritize what’s important to you and let go of everything else. That is where my three stones come in. I have three stones in my office that remind me of my priorities: faith, family, friends. Stephen Covey would use the visual of filling a jar with stones, pebbles, sand and water. He would ask his audience in which order to fill the jar with all fitting and nothing spilling. In order to get all the solids and liquids in, one has to first put in the big rocks. Those are your priorities each day. Although lately, I have been wondering about my third “big rock”-friends and if, for the sake of analogy, I might need to trade that one for two smaller sized rocks. I am in the midst of reprioritizing. Another blog….
2. Pursue activities and opportunities that energize you. Frederick Buechner’s quote helps keep this point grounded for me: “ Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world's deep need.” While there are some activities and opportunities that energize me, they may not necessarily be ones that encourage others and glorify God.
3. Set your own boundaries (no one will do it for you). This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn. It makes me feel incredibly selfish yet I recognize that I have to be the one who does it.
4. Embrace work-life integration. Trying to compartmentalize work and life separately can sometimes cause more stress. Depending on your job, you might have to have some overlap. Setting overlapping boundaries can sometimes take the stress out but also keep from both work-life melding into one mess. This one may take time as you assess how the balance is working.
The fact is- we all get twenty-four hours a day, one hundred sixty-eight hours in a week to accomplish whatever…
What about you? How will you spend it?
The Masters
Photo by tyler hendy from Pexels
On Sunday I found myself sitting down with my husband to watch the Masters. Golf has been a thread loosely woven into our lives- my father-in-law was an avid golfer, my mother-in-law played (in fact, taught my father-in-law, her husband to play) and my husband plays (although very rarely now). Our boys enjoy the game although they do not play often. I do not play golf rather play “at” golf. (Is there a limit to how many strokes it takes a person to actually get the bloomin’ ball into the hole?) We do have an annual family golf outing on Black Friday (day after Thanksgiving). We have found a remote course where we can take our time (takes a long time to search for the balls, at least for my ball), laugh, trash talk and we won’t bother true golfers.
Watching the Masters, at least on the last day of the tournament is a tradition that we have enjoyed over the years. While we recognize some of the newer players, we do not follow golf as we did when my father-in-law was alive. (Many a Sunday afternoon found us visiting the folks for cocktails and watching the end of a PGA match before having Sunday dinner. ) So it was with surprise that we watched Tiger Woods “come-back.” Many of the commentators were choked up with emotion as they described Woods finishing the 18th and walking off the course into the arms of his family. I hadn’t paid much attention to Woods’ struggles over the years. When he had his first bout of difficulty, I remember thinking “typical of what happens with fame and fortune…” From what the different news organizations have said, he has struggled for many years with many issues: injuries, surgeries, personal. He has persevered and worked his way through the struggle.
I found it interesting that one of the post articles had pictures of Michael Phelps (Olympian, swimming phenom) standing behind Woods at one of the holes cheering him on. Apparently Phelps, another fame and fortune disaster who has turned his life around was one who was an “informal counselor” to Woods in the last couple of extremely difficult years.
I wonder if both he and Phelps realize their many blessings and extended grace in their lives? For both men, they had spiraled down after being on top of their respective games. It was at the bottom that they eventually realized the true nature of being on top; it is a precarious position. The irony is that one needs to remain humble (from the Latin humilis- to be low) to be elevated. There is an nice article in Pyschology Today explaining the difference of humility (a modest or low view of one's own importance) and hubris (exaggerated pride or self-confidence often resulting in retribution) by giving the example of the founder of Intel:
When Robert Noyce, the founder of Intel, was asked how he felt about being known as the “Father of Silicon Valley” he responded, “You know it makes me a little bit proud, and a little bit humble.” There is a sweet spot between hubris and humility that is the key to greatness.
Bob Noyce was like a rare alloy that blended ambition and confidence with conscientiousness and compassion. He was a humanitarian who rallied against corporate autocrats while building one of the most powerful companies in the world. Noyce created an egalitarian culture at Intel with as little hierarchy as possible. He was a very tough and demanding boss, but ultimately a real softie who was very empathetic, hated confrontation or having to say no. When you look closer you realize that these character traits are textbook for many people who achieve greatness.
Noyce refused to play dirty or fall into the ‘win-at-all-costs’ mentality that is so prevalent in corporate America, and every walk of life. It is such a shamethat he died of a heart attack in 1990 at the age of 62. Noyce had the chutzpah to believe that he could change the world (and he did) but also seemed to realize he was a flea in the bigger cogs of the universe and was very humble about his contributions.
I pray that Woods and Phelps have truly turned around their lives. To be respectable and respectful of others. To be humble and kind. To reach out to others in their needs and in our own needs. Sure they have had more opportunities than most in being able to comeback. Woods could certainly afford to pay the best doctors in the world to review his case and to offer a solution to his back pain. Although, having all the money in the world cannot always cure a person and certainly cannot cure an individual of self-doubt and self-loathing.
Afterwards, Woods was asked about the round he just played. He was quoted saying that he just kept plodding along. He recognized that one needs to “do all little things correctly….” and “be committed to it…”
Great advice for golf and for life.
It is the little things that matter.
Commitment is necessary for success.
We need each other in our triumphs and in our failures. As both men found out, they need one another to continue on a path of healing.
Made me think of the Great Master and His play book (Bible) which reminds us:
“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much.” (Luke 16: 10) Our human psychology doesn’t change just because the amount changes. We might be able to act differently temporarily, but in general, our character has the same response regardless of the instance; If we are impatient or testy or dishonest in small circumstances, we will also be impatient or testy or dishonest in larger ones. The principle applies not only with physical items or processes but also with the way we treat others: all people deserve respect regardless of their situation in life.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it; You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22: 37) We are called to be committed to God and to one another. Committed to loving with our whole heart, mind and soul.
“So, whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…” (Matthew 7: 12) We know it as the golden rule. While we might say we want to be alone in our sorrow, secretly we want someone to just “be” with us in our difficulties. Conversely, we want to share with others and have them be glad for our good fortune. When another is going through a good or bad time, it is important to put ourselves into his/her shoes. To be empathetic to the situation. To love them through.
This week is Holy Week, the week that changed all humanity for eternity. It is a week that reminds me of the Great Master. The one who was committed to each one of us. The one who was willing to become lowly for others. The one who recognized that it is in the little things, that the big eternal questions are answered. And the one who was willing to experience the ultimate vulnerability of mock and scorn that allows each one of us to be vulnerable with one another and in turn experience true life.
What about you? What life lessons have you learned through sports or through others’ stories? Universal themes? Does Holy Week mean anything to you?
What the past can tell the future…
The other day I was talking to our son. I cannot remember the specific topic but it brought to mind a slim volume that I purchased years ago, “Washington’s Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior”. In it, are 110 rules for civility and decent behavior in company and conversation. George Washington wrote down these rules when he was 14, drawing upon a French book of maxims that were intended to “polish manners, keep alive the best affections of the heart, impress the obligation of moral virtues, teach how to treat others in social relations, and above all, inculcate the practice of a perfect self-control”. Of course there were rules that seem applicable to that period of time. Some rules are still said today but use different verbiage. And other rules are timeless. If only certain Presidents referred to this book, I wonder how our foreign and domestic relationships would be?
Some of the rules are priceless:
#2: When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered.
#13: Kill no vermin as fleas, lice, ticks &c in the sight of others; if you see any filth or thick spittle, put your foot dexteriously upon it; if it be upon the clothes of your companions, put it off privately; and if it be upon your own clothes, return thanks to him who puts it off.
Interestingly, the 45th maxim:
#45: Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or private, presently or at some other time, in what terms to do it; and in reproving show no sign of cholar, but do it with all sweetness and mildness.
Other great advice:
#48 Wherein you reprove another, be unblameable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precepts.
#38: In visiting the sick, do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.
Just last week I heard a story on NPR about a new book Love Your Enemies by Arthur C. Brooks. He talks about disagreement, civility, and getting along. He has some passionate and interesting theories on what the country’s discourse should be but I did agree with his interview’s final statement:
“Disagreement in a democracy is the source of our strength. If it's performed with respect and warmheartedness — even with love — that's how we avoid stagnation and mediocrity. I'm all about disagreement, but it has to be done in the climate of respect, warm heartedness and love.”
Also last week there was a protest by both sides of the aisle: March for Life, ACLU, conservative and liberal organizations. They were united against the National Park Service proposal to charge a fee for protest costs. (extra security, barriers, etc.) In a rare instance eight seemingly polarized organizations banned together and submitted a letter to the NPS explaining their position:
“Our organizations do not agree on all issues, but one principle we unreservedly support is our right to gather together to express ourselves,” the letter said. “The quintessential locations for these expressive gatherings in the United States are the National Mall and the public spaces surrounding the White House. . . . We are very concerned that, should these rules go into effect, they will chill speech and harm our national discourse.”
How refreshing to know that we CAN agree on something. Perhaps that what unites us is stronger and bigger than what divides us. What unites these groups is the recognition of all rights to protest- not those who can afford it.
What once again strikes me about “civility and decent behavior”- it is all about putting the other person first.
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Easier said then done but necessary for all our sakes.
What about you? Have you read or heard any thought-provoking words lately? Were they new ideas or a rehash of one’s that have been around? Why is it that we need to “repackage” in a fresh way, ideas and thoughts that are not new? What other ideas unite seemingly polarized groups?
This week, be aware of the stories and news you hear. Are there common denominators in seemingly opposite views?
How can we demonstrate civility and decent behavior in company and conversation?
Spring Favorites
Seen on a recent morning walk. A cherry tree in all its spring time glory…
I love spring. I love the change in the sunlight in the morning. I love the emergence of color through the variety of bulbs and buds. I love the endless possibilities that each day brings. And I love that spring is only here for three months because as much as I look forward to spring, I also look forward to summer when that time arises.
Spring seems to be the time of year for online posts of people sharing their spring favorites: clothing, trips, garden flowers, interior decor, exterior paint colors, meals, outdoor projects, etc. Google “spring favorites” and you will find over 269 Million results. You name it and someone, somewhere on-line has listed the top five or ten or three items in any category. What I like about those lists are that they are the epitome of spring: each list has possibilities and challenges. In essence, five or ten or three items of hope.
What would your spring favorite list look like? Would you have many or a few items? Are there things that bring a smile to your face? Items that only emerge in the spring and are short-lived? Does it include favorite things to do or things that you have always wanted to do in the spring? Is there a theme running through your listed items?
Here is my partial spring favorite list (I could go on and on…) As I started writing items down, I realized that most of my favorite things take place outdoors and in nature. There is something about the cycle of nature and its effects on us and our psyche especially after being “cooped up” inside over the cold winter months, that draws me outside this time of year.
Sighting Buttercups- One of my favorite flowers. Forgotten weeds along the highways and by-ways. I have a soft spot in my heart for the “underdog” even in the plant world.
Emerging bright green clumpy “onion” grass- No one wants a lawn of these clumps and eventually they will be physically removed with a mower or chemically destroyed. But at first, they have their day because they are the first to emerge, grow and produce any type of verdant green.
Calling birds- The cacophony of calling birds sound like long lost friends catching up over spring break. What I especially find delightful- the birds may be chirping it up, multiples of them on branches on the hedges by the sidewalk, yet as soon as I walk by, the chirps stop dramatically as if a major bird conductor cued them with his baton. Then as soon as I walk a safe distance past, the chirping continues as before like an orchestrated rest in a symphony of bird song.
Anticipating a new outdoor tennis season- Each year I think, “This is the one. This is the season when I will improve my serve, watch the ball at all times, and improve my game.” ( In reality, by the end of the season I will have left “room for improvement” for next season…)
Mulching the garden beds: There is satisfaction in spreading mulch among the garden beds. Mulch covers a multitude of gardening “sins”. Mulch is the finishing touch on beds: it sets off the plants and defines the edge of the garden and lawn. There is something aesthetically pleasing to see the deep brown of piled mulch around emerging clumps of flowers and shrubs. Even the vinegary smell of the mulch reminds me of spring and gardening possibilities.
Dining al fresco - Usually the first night after the first warm day of washing and scrubbing the porch and deck furniture. It is with a collective, “ahhh…” that we sit down to dine.
Swarming gnats- A walk to the outside shed and I am in the middle of swarming black dots. One day they are not around and then the next, Voila- they are there. Makes me wonder where they have been these last four months? How did they know that, at this moment, they need to emerge and begin their reign of terror? I may complain about the swarms in a couple of weeks, but for now they are a great reminder of warmer weather to come.
What about you? What’s on your list?
Storms of Life
Storms a’brewin… (Courtesy www.weather.gov)
If you could categorize your life based on the weather, what would it look like? Sunny weather? Sudden squalls? Cloudy with a 50% chance of rain? Hot, hazy and humid? Blue skies? Tornado belt? I know folks who seem to never get out of hurricane season. They go from one devastating clean-up to another.
Recently, our church lenten Bible study was discussing how Jesus calmed the storm (Mark 4: 35-41). Perhaps you know the story: Jesus was continually drawing larger and larger crowds as He taught and healed throughout the countryside. The crowds were so big that one day he got into a boat to be able to speak to the crowd along the shore. In the evening he tells his disciples to push on with the boat and go to the other side. The Bible doesn’t say why He wanted to cross the water but it may have been His only chance to get some rest without people clamoring around Him. Or, it may have been the fastest way to get to the other side. Either way, He decides to sail across the sea of Galilee. As they sail along, Jesus falls asleep. While He is sleeping a storm suddenly arises. The disciples are afraid. They awake Jesus, ask for help and when He calms the storm, they are even more afraid. Who is this man who is a weather tamer?
What one person noted was that Jesus, at the beginning of the journey, told them where they were going. “Let us go over to the other side.” The destination was given. It was just that the disciples didn’t know what would happen during the journey. As circumstances unfolded, it appears that a storm came up out of no where. No warning. No explanation.
How true that is for us. Sometimes situations occur that appear out of nowhere. We have no preparation for it. No expectation. Life happens: The cancer diagnosis. The car accident. The budgetary-cut down-sized job. Storms that come up in our lives with no warning. Sure, we may know in general where we are headed in life- career, family, travel, etc. And, if we are believers we may know our ultimate travel plans of eternal life. But it is the in-between times, the “how will the journey unfold'“ times that can cause us to fear and be anxious.
We may be tempted like the disciples to see the sleeping Jesus, wake Him up with our cries, “Don’t you care?” I think part of the question that lies behind that one is, “Don’t you care enough about me to prevent it from happening in the first place?” While I may not have had major storms, I have experienced a few squalls. During those times I have been tempted and have actually questioned God- “Where are you? Why do you seem asleep at the wheel? Couldn’t you have intervened or prevented this?”
The thing that I forget is that Jesus IS with me. He is right in the boat alongside me. When things got too rocky and scary for the disciples, Jesus got up and took care of the situation right away. He calmed the storm. He has the authority and power to do anything.
He does the same for you and for me. He takes care of our needs. Sometimes it might not seem as immediate as He did for the disciples but He always finds the way. His timing is not the same as mine. I may think immediately and he is thinking yearly/long-term.
I know for me, I have to distinguish between wants and needs. What I want Him to do is to ensure no storms ever cross my path. But that is totally unrealistic. In following the storm analogy, some storms are needed for others’ needs. ( e.g. I may pray for sun but the farmer may be praying for rain.) What I need Jesus to do is to be there with me. Always. And He is. He has promised us that He would never leave, nor forsake us. We need to trust Him even if He appears asleep.
I used to be a sound sleeper, once asleep I stayed asleep until morning. Ever since being a mom, my ears are my ever ready antennae: the slightest creaks, moans, call outs in the night require me to be the first responder. Even though we no longer have children in the house, I still am a light sleeper. I know when anyone sleeping in our house (human or canine) gets up or repositions himself. I may have my eyes closed and I may seem that I am sleeping, but I am vigilant nonetheless. In some ways, that is how it is with Jesus. Just because He appears asleep to the disciples (and to us at times) doesn’t mean that he is not attune to our needs, wants, movements, or emotions. He is our first responder.
The other thing is that Jesus didn’t say to the disciples was that the boat passage would be smooth. He didn’t say, “Come let’s go over to the other side on this easy, no wave action or wind blowing sea.” In fact, He has said that in this world we would have trouble, but to not fear because He has overcome the world and the trouble which we may experience. I love the image that our lives are like the boat passage. We begin our spiritual journey with Jesus and we get to the other side with Jesus. It is just the passage over the water that can determine how well we survive. Do we panic and capsize or do we trust and batten down the hatches?
What about you? Are you experiencing any storms in your life? If so, how are you faring? Are you panicky? Afraid? Asleep? Calm? Capsized? What can you do to get through this patch of time? Pray? Ask Jesus for help? Ask others?
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and mountains quake with their surging…. Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD almighty is with us.” (Psalm 46)
Friends
A dear friend sent me this notecard. I have it hanging in my office. The basis for a story of friendship….
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “ The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Truer words were never spoken.
What does it mean to be a friend? How does one “be one”?
To answer, I think of friends in my life and the lives of others: friends are present, weep when we weep, laugh when we laugh and seek our best. A friend lets us be ourselves and still loves us. In other words, a friend allows us to be authentic, vulnerable and honest. And visa versa.
I was reminded of this in the last couple of months as I have had the opportunity to help different friends with a variety of situations. My involvement wasn’t too arduous yet for the issue at hand, it was needed. I share this, not because of my altruistic wonderful nature (far from it) but that it occurred to me that if my friends hadn’t let me help or hadn’t even told me that they needed help, I wouldn’t have had the joy in being needed and helpful.
I was told, “Thanks for being a good friend.” yet I can counter, “Thank you for letting me be a good friend by sharing your needs.”
It is the balance of give and take. The apostle Paul reminds us “At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality,” (2 Corinthians 8:14). While Paul was talking about physical resources, I think it also applies to our time, energy and commitments in our relationships. Anyone who has been or is in a relationship can attest that there are times when one has more needs or care than another. In healthy relationships it is a back and forth of care and receiving. There are times when the care may appear one-sided but if honest sharing is occurring, the time for reciprocation will occur.
There is the paradox of life that when we give we receive so much more. For some, the act of helping gives a sense of purpose and identity. For others, it is a chance to use gifts and resources. Either way, when we enter into any honest, healthy give-and-take situation, we realize how interconnected we are and how much we need one another. An honest, healthy give-and-take relationship brings perspective to our lives.
I was also reminded of being a good friend in the story of the lame man being lowered through a roof at Jesus’ feet. Jesus was at His home and the crowds kept coming to see, listen and have Him heal their diseases. The house was packed. Four men had carried their lame friend on a pallet/blanket to see Jesus yet because of the packed house there was no way to get inside. So the friends did what all good problem solving groups do- found another way. They dug a hole in the roof and lowered their friend down!
We can only surmise the back story: Was there much discussion among the friends on what to do? Was the lame man so desperate that he orchestrated/pleaded with his friends to do this? Or was he so despondent and depressed with how his life was unfolding, “I will never get better” that his friends decided an intervention was in order? But if the friends hadn’t known exactly what their friend wanted or had the lame man not allowed them to pick him up, his healing and the friends’ joy in being part of it would not have occurred.
In this miracle, the man is healed and restored- physically, spiritually, emotionally. His physical healing would ensure that his fortunes could change. He no longer would need to rely on others for every facet of his life.
While it might seem obvious, there is a vulnerability in being a good friend: one is exposed to others regarding one’s flaws, faults and true nature. For the lame man, that vulnerability is allowing the healing to change his total identity. He is no longer known as the lame “needy” friend. He could, at least through his physical healing be on “equal footing” with his colleagues. His healing changed his reality for his lame lifestyle was what he knew and what others knew about him. There is some comfort in the “known”. His new lifestyle could bring about questions, suspicion and misunderstanding. Many times, whether we want to change or not, we can get in a lifestyle pattern and label: the flighty one, the bossy one, the reliable one, the unreliable one, the needy one, the pessimist, the optimist, etc. It can be awkward and uncomfortable for all parties to learn new roles.
The helper friends were also vulnerable. What if their idea of helping (Let’s bring him to see the healer Jesus) didn’t work? Were any of these friends, well meaning but arrogant? (I know what is best for you) Their method of helping (tearing through a roof) seemed like actions of desperate friends. But were their motives based on their identity as the ones who take care of things? They started out with a plan to take their lame friend to Jesus but when they came up against an obstacle, they subjected themselves to an unconventional, perhaps controversial approach. I am sure that there was an uproar over the destruction of the roof. They were exposed to potential ridicule, anger and disbelief too. Yet, with what they witnessed in bringing their friend to Jesus, they had to have been changed too. No longer could they be labeled friends/caregivers of the “lame” man. They would have to take on a new role.
Being part of a give-and-take relationship is allowing the relationship to change through situations. It is only when we are vulnerable that we are open to growth. Isn’t that the best part of friendship? Growing together through common experiences and growing individually as we learn from those experiences.
What about you? Are you a good friend? What attributes would you add?
How does one, “be one”?
Five Words
I was listening to a podcast interview and the interviewee shared some words of advice that she had once heard. And so I share with you, what was shared to the listening audience that had been shared to her... (For those of you who are old enough to remember the old Faberge Organic Shampoo Commercial, “and they told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on, and so on...”)
Sharing our encouragements, life lessons and thoughts with one another is one of the main reasons I believe that we are called into community. There is no way that one person can have all the wisdom for life. Sure, there are wise individuals but because of our complexities and diversity we need the collective wisdom of one another. We need to share that wisdom. I was reminded of that in watching the movie, Arrival. The only way to understand and save Earth from the “Aliens” (Though we see that in actuality, it is not the alien who is the problem- We need to be rescued from our panicky, anxious selves.) was to share with one another the information gathered in how to communicate with them. It was a good movie and had many underlying themes, but the getting along through words was one of them.
Here are the five words that were shared in the interview. Using your hand you can state each of the five words with each finger, putting down one digit as you recite the next in line. And so on, and so on.
5. How can I help you? By asking another how we can help, we are setting up a different perspective for ourselves: we are taking the focus off of us and placing the lens on another. This helps us realize that we are not the sole proprietor of life. There are others in the world. It also puts us in a posture of humility and purpose. We have an attitude of servitude- not because we are superior and we don’t have issues- but because your needs are just as (or more than not) important at this time than mine. Also, in helping others, we find a purpose, if not for a long haul, but for the immediate time.
4. I’m proud of you. One of the most sought after emotion is to be known and recognized: acknowledged for who we are, for what we have done and for what we will be. These four words speaks into all relationships.
3. I love you. Again, another emotion that all are craving: love. Especially unconditionally.
2. You too. To love and be loved. Doesn’t Alfred Lord Tennyson declare, “Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.”
1. We. One word, yet a powerful collective. Life is about all of us. Not one. Not a select few. Not partial. But We. A beautiful sentiment. (There is no “I’ in TEAM.)
What about you? Do you have any couple of words or phrases by which you live? Words that speak to your heart? Words that you feel have universal appeal? Do you reflect those words in your daily life? In how you live and treat others?
What information do you feel is important to impart- to tell two friends, who tell two friends and so on, and so on...
The Manna of Existence
Ahh. If only I would….
The physical act of playing tennis is not too difficult: run, swing, get the ball over the net. It is the mental aspect that really determines the wins and losses: losing concentration, being distracted with past poor performances, thinking ahead of the win. Lately when I have been playing I have tried to be aware of the points I have lost- was it due to my inattention/mistakes or because the other player was so much better?
I have played against really good players and they will outplay me most of the time. But, in general, my losses are due to my errors and those can be grouped into lack of concentration mistakes. I find that I will think of what has happened on the court in the previous point or what I would like to do in future points. I think about what I need to do after tennis, what is for dinner, what my day will be like the next day…. I might even think about a past conversation that occurred with my tennis partner or fellow tennis enthusiasts. Anything that is not related to watching the ball!
I realize that I have to change my strategy. I need to make an intentional choice that for each time I play, each game, each point, even each hit, I need to watch the ball and not think about anything else. Basic tennis 101. Sounds simple right?
Recently I was talking with a dear friend and she was sharing about a seminar she attended about anxiety: how do we work through anxiety- for ourselves, our children and those with whom we interact? After all, anxiety and stress are part of the human condition. We cannot so much eliminate those predicaments in life as much as we can reduce and learn to work with and through it.
Part of the seminar described the symptoms of anxiety as well as depression (the other side of the coin). Anxiety can be categorized as an over concern for the future while depression is concern about the past. Makes sense. We are anxious because we wonder if we will be able to pay the bills, our health will hold out, how our children will develop, what are our job prospects, even the outcomes of projects, etc. We can be depressed over failed relationships, missed opportunities, or wasted time- things that once were and are no longer.
In learning to push through anxiety and depression, one strategy is to learn to live in the present.
It made me think of the statement I heard from past teachers in my elementary school “Concern yourself with yourself and what you are doing.” Kids have a knack for rubber-necking- what is everyone else doing and why can’t I do it? They are concerned with everything else but what is before them.
It also made me think of Jesus’ wise words in Matthew (6: 25-34) “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Jesus didn’t say that life would be a bed of roses and that all anxiety or depression would be gone. He reminds us that as we live in this world, we need to live day by day, relying on Him for the portion that we need for today. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The manna of existence. The ancient Hebrew writers tell the lesson of living day to day with God’s provision. You may remember the story: The Israelites have been rescued from Egyptian slavery. They are on a journey to the Promised Land. They just witnessed an incredible rescue story, but not too long into the journey they start remembering their past- not the cruelty and suffering-but all the food they had to eat. They seem to have forgotten the crying, weeping and wailing for deliverance from slavery. I think that there was some selective memory going on.
God provided them with miraculous food each day: manna from Heaven. There was just enough for each person’s needs for a given day. One couldn’t plan ahead and store over. Anything not used in the gathered day would spoil. The only change was that one could gather twice as much on Friday, in preparation for the Sabbath when no gathering or work was to be done. In essence the physical manna was a reminder that one cannot carry over the past into our current day, nor spoil our present with plans for a future that may or may not occur.
Being the planner that I am, I think of past times when I was so into organizing the future- what might be occurring in a week, month or year ahead, that I missed on what was happening that day. Or I would be up at night revisiting past conversations, actions or choices. It takes discipline to set aside the looking ahead and behind and to concentrate on just what is in front of me.
I have found the following helpful:
1) Do one thing at a time. Trying to do multiple tasks does not work. Oh, it might work for a while but eventually what you are trying to achieve is totally ineffective. Plus, there is the frustration in knowing that each task only received a half-done job. One time, in my single years, I tried dating three different guys at once. Not doable. Disastrous results. Needless to say, I was not good girlfriend material for them. (The only saving grace was that they all had the same first name!)
2) Do it slowly. I have a hard time with this one. I am always on the “get it done and move on” mentality. I don’t even walk up and down steps but rather gallop. Our boys would tell each other, “If you want something done thoroughly, ask Dad. If you want it done fast, ask Mom.” Sometimes I wonder, on to what am I moving? Love the journey is emblazoned on a bicycle print pillow in our family room as a reminder to me: when I take time to enjoy the process, I then enjoy the result so much more.
3) Tell yourself, “I am doing this now…” Sometimes I find I have to give myself “a talkin’ to”. I have to say out loud what I am doing. If my eye or thoughts wander and I see/think of something else that I need/want to do, I will tell myself, “No. Finish this first. Then….” I keep a list handy and just add to it. That way, I won’t forget about the idea but I can let it go until I finish the first thing.
What about you? How are you with being present? Do you spend time being anxious? Or depressed? Do you find yourself reliving past mistakes or obsessing about future endeavors? What can you do to be present?
I know that I need to concentrate and keep my eye on the ball.
A Year of Delights
One place that brings me joy- the beach. Winter at sunset. I love the colors of the sky.
Last week I heard a snippet of an interview on the radio. It piqued my interest. The writer Ross Gay has written a book called, The Book of Delights. On his 42nd birthday, Mr. Gay gave himself the challenge to write about something delightful every day for a year. The book contains a collection of some of those delights: nicknames, fireflies, air quotes, garden weeds. As he shared with the interviewer, it wasn’t as difficult as he thought in finding delights around him. At first he thought he would have to really work hard on finding delights, but after a while he realized that he was more attentive to all the delights happening around him.
I love the premise- intentionally looking for things that are delightful in our lives. As with so many things, it doesn’t take much money or effort to be hyper observant, but it does take time. One has to slow down enough to see what is around. As Mr. Gay noted, once he began finding delight in his day, it affected the rest of his day. He also noted that delight is interdependent with others because what he found to be delightful were often personal interactions.
I thought that I would give myself a challenge- to find and write about one thing each day that brings me joy, tickles my funny bone, puts a smile on my face or just is downright delightful. The item can be big or small. It can be an activity, a person, a place, situation or idea. I would like to write @ 300 words, but It doesn’t have to be a specific number of words. If pressed for time it can just be a note, phrase or even a list.
What about you? Are you up for a challenge? Do you think you could find something delightful about which to write each day for a year? If you truly feel you cannot, could you give it a try for 30 days? Or plan on writing just 3 or 5 days/week. If writing is not your thing, how about pictures? What if you took a picture each day of something about which you found amusing or interesting? You could post it each day on whatever social media account you use.
What do you have to lose? You might gain some insight about yourself.
Click here to read the interview. Another person who is uber observant of her life is the actress Sarah Jessica Parker. Her Instagram has various pictures of her observations living and working in NYC. (Click here for her postings.)
God Is In the Detail
The intricacy of flowers. God’s handiwork is down to the minutiae.
One of the women in my Tuesday night Bible study will regularly comment that “God is in the detail.” She uses the expression to describe how God lovingly cares for even the smallest item in our lives. Having always heard, “the devil is in the details”, I like this expression better and was curious about its etymology.
According to Wikipedia “God is in the detail” came first and means that details are important. It has been attributed to different people but one of the earliest forms, "Le bon Dieu est dans le détail" ("the good God is in the detail") is generally attributed to Gustave Flaubert (1821–1880).
The “devil is in the details” was derived from “God is in the detail” and relates to the complication that can arise when the smallest detail goes awry. It sounds so typically human to take a positive expression and turn it into one with “negative” vibes.
Regardless, I like the original and my friend’s interpretation that God lovingly cares for the smallest and dearest.
Every so often I will read a Bible story and God’s lovingly care of the smallest detail will jump out at me. I was reminded of this recently with the Genesis story of Jacob moving his family to Egypt in the wake of the Middle Eastern famine. Joseph and his brothers are reunited. Joseph, being the second banana in Egypt and having Pharaoh’s blessing decides to have his whole reunited extended family move to Egypt so that he can care for them and ensure that they and their livestock survive. Jacob cannot believe that his beloved son Joseph is alive and when it finally sinks in, “his spirit revived.” An old man now, Jacob prepares to go to Egypt to see Joseph before he, Jacob, dies.
As is true with many of the Bible stories, what is not said is just as important as what is. Geneses 46 begins with Jacob beginning his journey. God speaks to him in a dream telling him not to be afraid, that God will go with him and that his son Joseph would be with him, even upon his death. He calls him, Jacob, his birth name. It seems to me a precious time similarly to when children are upset or anxious. As parents we soothe them by telling them, “Hush now child. I will be right beside you every step of the way.” We even call our child by our special nickname. Even if our child is justified in being anxious- perhaps it is a situation that has occurred before- we remind them that we will be with them.
I love to imagine the scene: Jacob has started on this journey- excited to see his son. But as is typical for most of us, in the middle of the night he begins to fret. “Is this such a great idea?” I imagine he is thinking. Jacob may have been recalling that both his father and grandfather had difficulties when they went to Egypt in the past. He may have been weighing the anxiety and fear of those experiences with the possibility of seeing his beloved son again. God lovingly addresses those concerns, calling him his birth name, “Jacob, Jacob… I am God, the God of your father. Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for there I will make you into a great nation. I myself will go down with you to Egypt,” (Exodus 46: 3-4)
God is in the detail. He was there every step of the way for Jacob and the family, just like He is in the detail of your life and my life. As Saint Augustine said, “ God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.”
Many times I find myself chuckling quietly on how God takes care of the seemingly unimportant details. Things that are not important to the big scheme of life yet are things that touch our hearts or make us feel special. Recently we acquired a piece of property and, as with any purchase of something significant, I was feeling, “did we make the right decision?” As we were cleaning through the house, I found a Hawes watering can left by the previous owner. For me, that was a sign that all was and would be fine, for this English gardening brand was something I had obsessed about many years ago. (Shallow, ain’t I?) I wanted to acquire one and seeing it there just said to me that God even cares about the smallest things I care about. Down to the smallest, insignificant detail.
What about you? Do you see God in the details? Have you ever experienced His loving care of what you care about? Have you ever stopped and reflected on the minutiae of your life? Do you see God’s hand in it?
I am trying to appreciate each day as it unfolds. I am trying to listen for God’s voice as Jacob did when God called him and he answered, “Here I am.” I am trying to recognize how God is speaking into the smallest details of my life. And, I am trying to remember to thank Him for it.
Ownership
An over 750 acres oasis in the middle of Manhattan.
My sister was sharing with me some of her experience during a recent trip to the Holy Lands. As her tour group was being taken around Jerusalem and its environs, her tour guide was explaining about some of the Arab housing. From the outside the housing areas look desolate and dirty. Unkempt. Uncared for. Yet, the inside of the homes are quite nice- clean, bright, organized. The difference between the inside and the outside is due to ownership: the Arabs “own” the inside of their homes so that they care for them, while the outside of their homes are “owned” by the Jewish state. They consider the outside of their homes, not theirs and therefore not worth organizing and keeping together.
I get it. I think it is a typical human reaction.
We see that thought process with the conditions of the “slums” and poverty stricken areas. I am convinced the dirtiness and chaos are partly due to the fact that people who live there do not feel any type of ownership to the place. Lack of ownership equates to lack of responsibility. Of course there are other reasons- when one has to choose between eating or health care- sometimes cleaning up the landscape around ones home is low on the priority list. But, as I frequently think about a comment heard by young boys witnessing the change in their “gentrifying” neighborhood, “See, I told you the new trees are not for us”, I am reminded that when people do not feel included, they can be apathetic at best and hostile at worst. Taking their frustration out on their surrounding environment.
The Public Parks Movement in the 19th Century was an attempt by progressive social thinkers to connect the urban public with the natural world. Many were concerned over the poor sanitation and overcrowding of the Industrial Revolution. Parks like Central Park in New York City were designed to improve health and contribute to the formation of a civil society. As they write on their Central Park Conservancy website, “Immediately, the success of Central Park fostered the urban park movement, one of the great hallmarks of democracy of nineteenth-century America.” Where else, but a public park, that a captain of industry could ambulate among the rolled shirt-sleeves of the stevedores: each enjoying the vistas and the fresh air. Each had a right to be at the park. Each had a responsibility to care for it.
Belonging. Ownership. Democracy.
Isn’t ownership/belonging (or lack there of) one of the main reasons for the latest polarization of our society? Some belong. Some do not. Whether that is due to gender, race, religion, creed, the fact that many in society feel marginalized and not part of it has caused upheaval, unrest, chaos: a social “dirtiness”. If I feel that I do not belong, I have no responsibility to care, preserve or engage with society. We have become a society taking its frustrations out on its surrounding environment which includes policy, people and even our physical space: shootings, social media rantings, and clashes with law enforcement.
Why can’t we get along?
What will it take for us to realize and remember that we are ALL created in God’s image and are precious to Him? To realize that we ALL belong to God and to each other. That ALL have rights and responsibilities.
I am reminded of my first night at college. Being the P.S. in my family, I was, for all intents and purposes, an only child for my teenage years- my siblings were all married and out of the house. My parents treated me like an adult and so I wasn’t used to the typical teenage lifestyle. I was used to my own schedule, my own room, and was not used to the girly gatherings. I felt so out of it. Additionally, the college I choose to attend was a distance from my home and no one from my high school even knew about the college much less planned to go there. To make matters worse, my roommate was from the area and knew lots of other girls. She was kind to include me but I still felt like I didn’t belong. I didn’t know the local fads, expressions or references. While I was always self-assured, my confidence and self-worth waned. I withdrew into myself.
About a week into the experience I was walking across campus when I ran into a friend from my high school. “What are you doing here?” I exclaimed. Turns out my friend applied late and was accepted right before school was to start. I had no idea.
Running into Frank changed my whole outlook, demeanor and trajectory. I knew someone. I felt more confident and comfortable in meeting others. I got my mojo back. I finally felt like I belonged. I could reach out to others. Just feeling connected to another person changed my attitude which in turn changed how well I assimilated into this new experience. I took more responsibility in engaging, growing and thriving in my new environment.
I felt that I belonged and that I had a sense of ownership that this was “my place, my peeps”. I was engaged. I felt more comfortable and confident that I was exactly where I needed to be.
The thing is, God has called each one of us to come back to Him, His family and to have a sense of belonging. If we are part of His place, His peeps, and His purpose then we are more likely to feel comfortable and confident, which in turn allows us to help another person feel comfortable and confident. No more fighting among ourselves or our environment. We realize that we all belong. We all have ownership in this journey of life: we are responsible for ourselves and for others.
What about you? Do you feel that you belong? Do you have a sense of ownership in your community? Your neighborhood? Who are your peeps? Do you feel responsible for them? For your actions in your environment?
Recycle. Redeem. Restore.
My $25 dresser find at Goodwill. Solid oak, beautiful marble top. Heavy as “homemade sin”. Just needed a little paint and new knobs.
I love finding “trash” and turning it into “treasures”. It goes along with my philosophy of “using it up.” It is practical, economical, environmental, creative and just plain fun.
Turning trash into treasures reminds me of God’s love and gift to us: He redeems, restores and recycles our experiences. There is nothing lost in God’s economy. He uses our failures, heartbreaks, hurts, sorrows all for redemption and re-purposing.
One of my favorite stories and verses in the Bible comes from Exodus. Joseph, after being betrayed, sold, falsely accused, imprisoned, and released, finds himself in charge of all Egypt’s food. He is second banana to Pharaoh. His brothers, the initial betrayers, leave their famine ridden country to come and try to buy grain. They do not know that Joseph is still alive. All they know is that they have to deal with this “Egyptian”. Eventually Joseph’s identity is shared with his siblings. While the siblings are visibly upset at seeing their brother whom they thought was lost, they do not ask for forgiveness for having “lost” (aka sold him into slavery) years ago. Joseph is the one who extends forgiveness to his brothers and says, (Exodus 50: 20) “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
I love how God takes the situation which others intend for harm and turns it around- both for the individual and for the larger community. He takes the brokenness and redeems and reshapes it into wholeness. Those whole individuals can become part of a larger community. It is a mosaic: the individual shards are brought together into a completed piece of beauty.
For myself, I love that God is in the recycling business. He can take anything that I experience and through His grace refashion it into something redeemable and good. I have seen time and time again God making things beautiful, in my own life, in the lives of family and friends and in the history of others. Individuals who have gone through hell on earth yet have come out on the other side- whole. It is those individual stories of redemption that encourage me to have faith in God when times are tough for me. Their story becomes interwoven into my story.
He calls us to be in the recycling business. He extends forgiveness and grace to each of us and asks that we extend that to others. He gives us the opportunity to join Him in being part of that redemption story.
If I am honest, while I can see the potential in a piece of furniture, a plant or cloth of material, I sometimes have trouble seeing the treasure in a problem person: those who, in certain church circles, are called “extra grace required” people.
I need to remember, like Joseph, that God is in control and that when things are difficult, trust Him. I may experience tough times but I need to hold on to the fact that if I completely trust Him, God will use whatever I experience and turn it into something beautiful. I also need to trust God that He is working out the same type of “recycling” in others, those who I think need “extra grace required”.
What about you? Do you recycle? Repurpose? Do you see potential in items? In people?