One of my dearest friends gave me a lovely book for my birthday: Emmanuel: An Invitation to Prepare Him Room At Christmas and Always, by Ruth Chou Simons. It is a 25 day devotion to be read during advent.

From the first words in the introduction, the book has been speaking to my heart. On Day 1, Ruth Simons talks about the difference between expectancy and expectations. For most of us I would imagine, we live our life with expectations. I know that I do. The expectation of how things will work out with relationships (family, friends), activities (jobs), or future plans. We expect certain things to happen in a particular order of cause and effect: if you work hard, you will be rewarded with such and such… Or if you plan well, things will go according to that plan. Unfortunately life doesn’t always work out that way. Or at least when our expectations don’t match the outcome we can become frustrated and bitter. Sadly many a Christmas the emotion is more mad than merry.

Christmas is definitely fraught with expectations: from holiday decor and gifts to the “perfect” family gathering. From my experience, those expectations are almost never realized and leads to disappointment. As a friend once quipped, “if you want to be happy, lower your expectations.”

But for me, the idea of expectancy changes the expectation. Advent is a time to pause and prepare for Christ’s birth. When I stop thinking of my expectations of Christmas and focus on Emmanuel (God with me) I am in an expectant frame of mind: what is God up to and how can I join Him? I can be excited about the future because I know that I am in good God’s hands.

As Ruth Simons writes:

“Expectations leave us weary and discontent, believing we deserve more or better. They always leave us unfulfilled and doubtful about whether God is for our good. But expectancy is anticipation mingled with joy. It’s believing God is who He says He is while waiting patiently for His good to be revealed, however He chooses to reveal it.”

What about you? Do you carry expectations for Christmas? What are they? Have you ever thought about a posture of expectancy? What would that look like for you?

My Christmas prayer for you (and for me) is that we experience the joy of Christmas that comes from our reconciliation with God through Jesus. It is when we are hand in hand with God that we can experience true joy.

“Expectancy sets our sights on God’s promises rather than the empty pursuit of all that cannot truly satisfy in this season. When we turn from expectations to being expectant, we will never be disappointed because God never disappoints.” ~Ruth Simons.

Merry Christmas.

What are your expectations? About your future? Your family? Your self? Your health? Your job? Your life philosophy? The corona virus? I think part of my anxiety of this pandemic is that we do not really know what to expect. Sure, there are predictive models and interpretation of past pandemics or current countries but there is really no set plan or pattern for what the next couple of months, weeks or even days might look like.

They say that much of the stress of holidays, family gatherings or lifetime events is due to false or high expectations. We think: “This Christmas, everyone will be happy with their gifts.” “We will have a family photo and everyone will be in a good mood…” “The weather will be perfect for the outdoor wedding…” We set ourselves up with expectations only to be let down.

As I reflect during Holy Week, I think of the false expectations the people in Jesus’ day had about Him- they wanted a conquering, warrior king to relieve them from the oppression that they were experiencing. Jesus’ reason to coming to earth was broader and more expansive than that: He conquered death and sin for the ultimate relief of oppression. He came so that ALL may experience abundant life both in the present and the future.

If I am honest, I must admit that sometimes I have false expectations of Jesus too. I (falsely) think that if I do the right things, behave in the right way then I will have a life without any struggle- I will remain healthy, financially solvent and all will be well with kith and kin. The thing is, that is not true. Jesus isn’t a genie or fairy godfather. There isn’t a cosmic “if this…, then that…” cause and effect equation. My relationship with Him is not conditional on my good deeds or works.

I wonder if one reason our expectations are disappointing is because rather than understanding the entire word and its definition-hoping or thinking something pleasant will occur, we get stuck on the “expect” part of the word. We expect that when we do certain things (follow the rules, plan to the nth degree, be a “good” person) we are entitled to a struggle-free life. One thing I am learning is that feeling entitled or expecting exactly what I want is a recipe for total disappointment. It produces bitterness, superiority and despair.

I like the word expectancy instead. While expectations and expectancy have similar definitions (the act or state of looking forward or anticipating, the probability that something will occur, the state of thinking or hoping that something, especially something pleasant, will happen or be the case) I think the word expectancy has an emphasis on positive energy- a future, an arms-wide-open life experience that whatever happens, I will embrace and rejoice. It is living into a not-knowing, yet hopeful, anticipated outcome rather than “this is what I want and am disappointed if I don’t receive it” one. (Kind of how dogs live their lives.) It is not that I am suppressing my desires either. Rather, if I align my expectations with what Jesus teaches- compassion, truth, goodness, loving God and loving humankind- and try and live into that with expectancy, then my expectations will be met even in the midst of illness, financial struggle, or insecurity.

It takes faith to let go of the expectations and let the future unfold in alignment with Jesus. I still am going to be smart about my life choices and the way I conduct myself. I just would rather have a future that is totally entwined with expectancy of seeing Jesus work in my life.

In a recent sermon, I heard the following quote: As we don’t know our life expectancy, live your life WITH expectancy. I would hope that when this pandemic ends (and it will eventually), I will look back and realize that I did just that. What about you?