Connection and Community Part 3

While we may know that we need connection and community, how do we do it? Like so much of life it is a question of balance. We can (and should) embrace the new and incorporate those gadgets, ideas and technology that improve our lives but also maintain the old that work for our particular lifestyle.

Yet somehow we become too enamored with the new and shiny and forget the basics that define us as humans: connection with ourselves (and God) and connection through community. For all the fancy technologies, we still need some time-tested practices. Practices that can be done without any gadgetry. We need time alone and we need time with others.

In a recent Innovation Hub broadcast, I was interested in hearing about a new book/study, “Bored, Lonely, Angry and Stupid: Changing Feelings about Technology, From the Telegraph to Twitter.” The premise of the authors Susan Matt and Luke Fernandez is that

Solitude used to be regarded as a way to connect to the divine, not a sign of being a social outcast, according to Matt and Fernandez. So what caused the change? They argue that as our ability to communicate improved - with inventions like the telegraph, television and social media - we’ve felt increasingly compelled to be surrounded by stimulation, which often causes us to feel even lonelier.

As the role of religion has waned in the lives of many Americans, and the influence of tech has grown, we’ve come to believe that our own power is vast (rather than small and meek, as preachers once argued). Fernandez and Matt say that this has led us to overestimate our abilities; for example, we think we can do everything at once (which, according to the research, is a myth), be connected all the time, and have hundreds of friends. Matt and Fernandez believe that these unrealistic expectations feed into our feelings of loneliness and boredom.

The industrial revolution led to the development of repetitive jobs, particularly with the advent of the assembly line. Matt and Fernandez argue that, around this time, people’s tolerance for boredom plummeted, leading to a greater demand for entertainment. In today’s world, with nearly limitless content to consume, they say that this demand has created an oversupply of instant gratification, potentially impacting our ability to focus and make long-term decisions.

I liked the reference of solitude and divine connection. In the classic definition of spiritual disciplines, solitude is a discipline. It is a practice that doesn’t come naturally to us. It is learning to be still and “know that I am God”. The mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, “I have discovered that all the unhappiness of men arises from one single fact, in that they cannot stay quietly in their own chamber.” While solitude can be silent it doesn’t need to be. The biggest prevention is to intentionally do it: plan a couple of hours to be by yourself (sans electronic gizmos), take a walk, read, pray, sing,

While I love sharing my favorite outdoor places with others, being alone on a beach is a refreshing head-clearing experience. So too is sitting next to a stream or on a park bench. In those solitude moments I usually have my journal beside me, sometimes a Bible and write out whatever comes to mind.

Connecting with others in true community might take as much practice as learning to be comfortable with solitude. I heard about a thought provoking program called The People’s Supper. The People’s Supper “works to transform some of our hardest conversations and most isolating experiences into sources of community support, candid conversation, and forward movement using the age-old practice of breaking bread.” The premise is to build relationships through a shared meal. From the beginning of time, humans have connected over the shared campfire. This program provides resources so that through the atmosphere of a shared meal, meaningful conversations, attitudes and behaviors can be examined. The goal is that through this shared meal and conversation, understanding, connection and relationships develop. As the website notes:

“Very rarely does a response make something better, connection does.”

“Social change moves at the speed of relationships. Relationships move at the speed of trust.”

It takes courage to build community and courage to discover oneself. In both instances there is a risk of unearthing something unpleasant. But the benefits of an authentic “real” life are worth it. It is the equivalent to a child’s development: children thrive in conditions of security and trust. When those needs are met, a child can blossom. As a community, when we become comfortable with ourselves and our purpose in life, we can be open to building substantial connections. If those connections are solid, the society can move forward and then, who knows what can develop?

What about you? How are you with the technology balance? Do you give yourself space to just “be”? Have you ever had a moment of solitude? How are your conversations with others? Is the extent of your discussions with others transactional? How’s the weather? What did you do last night? Have you ever had a deep conversation with a stranger? Acquaintance? Neighbor? Family member? How did that go?

While we look forward to the future and all the improvements that can be made, we should also remember those behaviors that lay the foundation for that future: connection with ourselves and one another.

Click here for resources to hosting a supper.

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Thank you for the emails, cards and well-wishes for a speedy recovery. This past Monday I had my surgery to repair my wrist- I had a titanium plate “installed” on my radius. I am currently in a splint and ace wrap- not to be removed for 11 days at which time I return to the surgeon. The plan then will be a removable splint. I am trying to keep the arm elevated (as I type this with my right hand, my left is raised in the air like the obnoxious kid in class with their hand always raised) and the fingers moving. Not an easy nor painless feat. But, each day is better. I am grateful for the technology to repair this!

Connection and Community Part 2- Technology

Community and connection. If we are made to have community, why then do we have difficulty in achieving it and what causes us to dis-connect with others?

In architecture they say “form follows function” but I almost think the opposite is true when it comes to designing a society: function follows form. How we build the structures in our society determines how we function in that society. The structure of modern society has been built around technology and technological advances. Consequently those technology structures determines how we function individually and collectively.

I am always fascinated with the question about innovation and change- does this new idea, technology, gadget enhance society or detract from it? Are new fangled things just creating change for change sake or do they serve a real purpose? What are the benefits and risks to society?

It seems we embrace the idea of something new sometimes before we think about the repercussions. And, it is not only thinking about the effect the new technology may have on what we currently experience but also the impact on the future.

Years ago I heard someone speak about the idea of transportation. For a time, train travel was king. There were railroads dotted across the country. Unfortunately, the various railroad companies didn’t think in terms of connection - just the possibility of their own travel line. The tracks were privately owned by different companies and so it was hard to connect from one station to the next. In Baltimore there were at least four different railroad stations across town, each associated with a different railroad company. There were no connecting tracks from one station to another. So if you came to town from a small town in Eastern Pennsylvania with the hope to travel by train to Ohio and beyond, you took the Maryland Pennsylvania RR (MaPa) to its station and then would have to take a horse drawn cab to the Baltimore Ohio station across town.

If the railroad innovators had thought about the goal of transportation, they would’ve focused on the idea of connection both in their current situation (connecting all rail lines) and connecting modes of transportation as the future unfolded. When air travel became prevalent the trains didn’t get involved and didn’t plan to expand the rail lines to the air fields. Wouldn’t it be nice now to travel to the airport without having to rely on congested highways? Trains can move more people much faster than the snarl ups and parking lot waits of the individual cars on the highways of today. It is a hassle to fly (forget about the TSA requirements) and part of it is the trouble in actually getting to the airport.

Technology can do that if we are not careful: the thing that is meant to make our lives easier and bring us together can make life harder and push us further apart. The telephone was made to bring us together. “Reach out and touch someone” the ads promised. Connecting by phone, hearing the actual voice of a loved one, distant relative or complete stranger living across the country or world is still amazing. Yet, the phone can keep a distance between speakers. You don’t get to see the eyes and the expressions on one’s face as the speaker talks. Consequently words can be spoken via the telephone that would never be said face to face. Many a household has heard the slam of a telephone in mid conversation as the listener became upset or enraged over the comment from the one on the other end of the line.

The future generation of the phone, the internet and all that it entails, has also brought the world together and apart. The technology of writing the words via email, twitter or Instagram can be even worse than what is actually said in a phone conversation. We are witnessing the outcome of vitriol towards one another- it tears at the fabric of community and civilization. And, all that can be accomplished via the internet can be done solo. Not only can we alienate others by our words, we can be physically alienated as we say them. That which was designed to bring us together has in fact, drawn us apart.

In pondering the question if technology makes us more lonely, I have come across conflicting ideas and studies. No surprise that some of the studies were sponsored by tech companies and therefore felt that technology/social media are good in bringing people together. And so technology can be. Many people have connected through finding lost friends or relatives via social media. People with common interests or concerns can find like minded individuals and discover that they are not the only one who thinks a certain way or has had a unique experience. I have met many wonderful, interesting and courageous people through this blog, which would not have occurred even twenty years ago.

I also saw studies looking at technology- Facebook and the like- and how being tied to social media and our computers affects individuals and their feelings of connection. The Atlantic magazine has a classic 2012 article about Facebook and loneliness. In it they noted that, “within this world of instant and absolute communication, unbounded by limits of time or space, we suffer from unprecedented alienation. We have never been more detached from one another, or lonelier.” They begin the article around the death of Yvette Vickers, a once B-movie actress who ended up dying alone in her home and was not found until @ six months after the fact by a neighbor. In finding the remains of Ms. Vickers, the neighbor also found the computer still on. Apparently, Ms. Vickers had no one in her life- no actual community or connection. She died as she was trying to reach out electronically to anyone who would listen.

With technology, it seems to be prudent to explore the idea of what tech is doing and not doing for us as a society. I am not advocating throwing the baby out with the bath water but perhaps we need a careful reasoning and thought process of what are the gains and losses with any new technology. Of course, there will always be cumulative problems or unforeseen/unpredicted outcomes but that shouldn’t negate the fact that we should think things through.

It makes me think of the Amish viewpoint of evaluating new technology. While I don’t agree with the lifestyle per se, I do like the idea that that we can (and should) pick what and how we choose to interact as part of being a modern society. I have heard that one of the reasons some of the Amish sects choose not to own or drive cars is that they feel that the automobile impacts the family and the way the community engages with one another. Certainly the solo driver going to work, stores, play, school, etc. bears out those fears.

There is an interesting project underway looking into using old and new technology in the shipping business: How can combining wind power and current boats be used in a way to reduce fuel consumption. By applying the modern sailing techniques (as learned through America’s Cup challenges) and more efficient engines, different companies from various countries (US, Japan, Denmark, Norway) are hoping to reduce fuel consumption on the large container ships by twenty percent or so. Click here to read the article.

What about you? Do you think about our fast pace technology and what it may or may not be doing to society? Have you seen technology impact your community or your connections with one another? Positively? Negatively?

Next week we will talk about ways to counter the negative effects of technology. Things we can do so that we can be in control and choose the best part of technology and maintain our sense of community and connection.