Perspectives

On a clear day you can see forever.

The vista from the climb…

Well. Technically not forever. According to www.howitworksdaily.com:

“Dust, water vapour and pollution in the air will rarely let you see more than 20 kilometres (12 miles), even on a clear day. Often, the curvature of the Earth gets in the way first. For example, at sea level, the horizon is only 4.8 kilometres (2.9 miles) away. On the top of Mt Everest, you could theoretically see for 339 kilometres (211 miles), but in practice clouds get in the way. For a truly unobstructed view, though, look up. On a clear night, you can see the Andromeda galaxy with the naked eye, which is 2.5 million light years away – that’s 24 quintillion kilometres (15 quintillion miles)”.

Given my druthers, I am more a beach person than a mountain one. While I feel most comfortable at sea level, you don’t see that far into the horizon especially at the beach. At my beloved Cape Cod, it can be quite foggy with very limited visibility. There are some higher vantage points that provide a little more distance vision but it is still limited. It is only by traveling to a higher location, generally inland up on a mountain, can you see much farther in the distance. No wonder in war for expanded territory and land, victory went to the side of the conquerer who was able to control the higher altitudes. It is through seeing in the distance that a warring side could prepare, plan, defend or attack.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went on another hike with our son to a beautiful state park in Virginia. Just the name sounds relaxing- Sky Meadow. The park has access to the Appalachian Trail and is on the eastern edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The side of the mountain that presents the clearest views and vista comprises of a more meadowy, tree-less face. While it is nice to have a clear view, there is some benefit to having a treed hillside to trek up in the summer. Needless to say, it was HOT. But, arriving at the lookout place was worth it for there was a small, steady breeze and commanding views of the valley. It made me think of the Barbra Streisand song, “On a Clear Day You can See Forever” from the musical of the same name.

Funny, how in life we want to predict or at least plan for our future, generally by trying to manipulate events. My husband recalls the scene from “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum”: Erronius (Buster Keaton) tells Hysterium (Jack Gilford) that he needs a soothsayer to rid his house of evil spirits. Pseudolus (Zero Mostel) overhears and comes along behind him, “Sir, you are in need of a soothsayer.” Buster Keaton asks incredulously, “How did you know?” To which, Zero says, “I’d be a fine soothsayer if I didn’t.”**

Horoscopes, tarot cards, fortune tellers- people want to know the future. They want to see “forever”.

Yet for all our planning and all our “predictions”, we really cannot see that far into the future. Sometimes, like the unpredictable fog that blows in from the sea, we cannot see even a couple of yards in front of our face. Situations and events engulf us and impede our vision.

At times, I think that is probably for the best. If I knew when I was younger how my life was going to turn out, I think I would’ve missed some key moments because with some foreknowledge I would’ve manipulated the events so that either I wouldn’t have to experience hard or unpleasant situations or I would’ve orchestrated that all events work out in my favor. In actuality, it was those unforeseen events, pleasant and difficult, that have provided me with the most opportunity for growth as a person and the most unexpected joy in my life.

Knowing the future is like trying to communicate on zoom while you see yourself in the square- you can become too self-conscious and not effectively communicate. If you already knew how things would work out, you would consciously manipulate events - perhaps even jumping the gun on a predetermined outcome. One also could become lazy- why bother communicating with others or discovering new ideas, since one already knows how people, places and things will work?

I find that I am not that concerned with the future. Sure, I am definitely a planner. I love to plan and make lists for future events. But if I think too deeply about family, friends, the nation, or the state of our world, I can get anxious about the future. I can find myself worrying about things that most likely will never happen. For the most part, I do not want to know what is coming down the pike. I am (slowly) learning how to be content for this day. However, I must say contentment is a daily, on-going struggle.

What about you? Are you anxious about your future? Do you wish you knew what is on your horizon?

Jesus encourages us to not be anxious about our tomorrow- to not worry about our future. He knows that life is hard and that each day has enough difficulty without “borrowing trouble” from tomorrow. When we align our wills, our plans, our goals- in essence our future, with His we can learn to be content because while we may not be able to see that far- He can.

** Click here for the rest of the silly scene- good for a laugh.

Is It Better Not to Know?

This past Monday there was a news story about genetic testing for babies. There is an underlying question in the report pondering whether the testing is worthwhile: what are the positives and negatives for this scientific advance. Certainly there is the benefit of predicting certain genetic diseases- a person would have counsel to know what he should do or not do in certain situations. It also helps the parents in their prediction of genetic problems. If the baby is susceptible not only would there be guidance for that situation there is a likelihood that the parents or other family members are susceptible too.

The news story made me think about the future for in essence, the testing is not saying that one would actually contract the disease or exhibit the problem but that there is a possibility of it.

So, if you would be told your future, right now, would you want to know?

I don’t know if I would. (This is a big revelation coming from me, the person who is notorious for reading the back of the novel first.) I think that if we knew our future before it organically unfolded, it might be too much for us to handle. Too overwhelming. Possibly too depressing.

I think there is a reason that we cannot predict the future and that there are no guarantees with human existence- just the guarantee of death and taxes as Mark Twain once quipped. I think that God wants us to trust Him with our future- whatever that may be.

If we knew about all the blessings and honor and wonderful things that would be bestowed upon us, would we become insistent and expectant ? Would we feel entitled? Would we be prideful? Would we start believing our own press and that our success (es) are due to us and us alone? Would we enjoy the moments of our lives? The struggles, the relief from the struggles, the accomplishment of having struggled?

Or if we knew that disaster would befall us, would we resist taking risks? Would we be fearful to commit to relationships or to community participation knowing that they may break down some time in the future? Would we be forever a pessimistic people? Lacking hope?

Amy Grant has a song called “Better Not to Know”. It tells the story of a time when she had planted fruit trees on her property with the thought that this would be a good legacy of her inherited money from a grandmother. Unfortunately she sold the property as part of her break up with her first marriage and lost those trees. Years later the new owners called her up to ask if she would like to pick some of the harvest. As she describes it, that fruit was the sweetest she had ever tasted. More than a song about trees taking time to develop, it is a song about appreciating the now and all the ups and downs of life, not worrying about the future and trusting that what will be, will be.

When I think of the conundrum about genetic testing, I don’t know what I would do if that were an option for me and my family. I certainly see the wisdom in knowing a situation and preparing the best for it. Yet I cannot help wonder if too much information can confuse the issue and cause undo anxiety.

The only thing that we ever had to decide on a potential future problem was during the time I was pregnant with our boys- amniocentesis was the current medical advance and an option in some cases. There was a thought that we might have to have it done, if a sonogram showed any concern. (thank goodness, everything presented fine) If we were asked about whether we wanted the testing done, we would’ve said, we will take our chances. We were not going to do anything about the birth- terminate or not- and so we would work with whatever God gave us.

Fortunately, we were blessed with two healthy boys. With today’s medical options, I think if having testing done in order to have, say, in-vitro surgery for a condition, we would have to weigh the options. And I am certainly not equating a scientific method to crystal ball gazing. But to make a decision based on a future possibility- I think I would still take my chances.

Two Bible verses come to mind: Jeremiah 29: 11- “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.” and Matthew 7: 34- “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.”

When I start worrying and thinking about the future, I find those two verses comforting. God knows our plans. He knows our future as He knows everything about us. If we trust Him with those plans, we cannot possibly go wrong. He doesn’t say that the future will be easy and at other times He reminds us that the way is difficult. But, we can rest assured that in trusting the One who spoke creation into being, who conquered death and all our fears and sins and who knows our past, present and future is the approach that gives us peace.

What about you? Do you think it is good to know the future? Are you a big planner? How has that helped or hindered your future? Do you read the end of the novel first?

Is it better to know or not to know?

---

Click here to hear the song: Better Not to Know

We sowed our seeds

Watered with tears

Waiting for signs of growth

Took months of days

And then took years.

We took our steps

We took our falls

Somewhere along the way

We just got lost

And we lost it all.

But nothing ventured, nothing gained

The risk of living is the pain

And what will be will be anyway

Oh, it's better not to know

The way it's gonna go

What will die and what will grow.

Goodbye more than hello

It's better not to know

Those tiny stems became these trees

With dirt and storm

And sun and air to breathe

Like you and me.

And some fell down

And some grew tall

And those surviving twenty winter thaws

Have the sweetest fruit of all.

But innocence and planting day

Are both long gone

So much has changed

And if we had to do it all again

Oh, it's better not to know

The way it's gonna go

What will die and what will grow.

Oh, nothing stays the same

Life flickers like a flame,

As the seasons come and go

Goodbye more than hello

It's better not to know

Is it better, better not to know?

Is it better, (is it better), is it better?

We sowed our seeds

Watered with tears

Oh, it's better not to know

The way it's gonna go

What will die and what will grow.

Oh, nothing stays the same

Life flickers like a flame,

As the seasons come and go

Goodbye more than hello

What comes of what we sow

It's better not to know

It's better not to know

We sowed our seeds

Watered with tears

When Stress Happens....

This week I was reminded of the two types of stress- dis-stress and eu-stress. (A new friend (Rebecca Faye, Smith Galli) is a wonderful writer. Check out her webpage and newsletters )  Back in the day of my designing wellness programs, I scheduled and attended talks about stress and even would give my own lectures on stress.  Stress itself is not a bad thing.  There are good stressors in life- birth of a baby, moving to a new home, getting a new job.  The problem becomes when we cannot handle the stress or when we perceive it as difficult. 

Most of us are in the dis-stress mode. And most, I would surmise are stressed from perceived stressors, or even self-created stressors which doesn't make it any less of an issue.  But if we acknowledge how and why we are stressed, we can figure out how to some coping mechanisms. 

Here are some suggestions for dealing with (dis) stress and anxiety from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (www.adaa.org) : 

What about you?  Are you in a season of dis-stress or eu-stress? How do you handle it?  What are your coping mechanisms? 

Eclipse(d)

Yesterday was the day of a total solar eclipse, stretching from the West Coast in Oregon diagonally across America like a solar sash to South Carolina.  There has been much discussion about it, much excitement and to some extent much hype. 

Unfortunately, my location in the Mid-Atlantic didn't afford me a good location to see the eclipse. We had a lot of cloud cover.  Although during the appointed time when we should've experienced about 80% of the eclipse, the sky darkened and there was an odd glow about it. 

I have been thinking about the eclipse and word's definition.  Astronomy aside, eclipse also means "a reduction or loss of splendor, status, reputation," etc. (noun) or "deprive (someone or something) of significance, power, or prominence" (verb).  It also means "to cause to undergo eclipse".

Got me thinking about the things that seem to eclipse me:  fear, anxiety, bitterness, disappointment.  These are the things that block me from experiencing life and all its glory, joy and beauty and these are the things that I allow to deprive me from being the person I was created to be.  

Do you ever feel eclipsed?  Have you ever felt a loss of significance, power or prominence? Do you ever feel that you have been deprived?

With all the safety warnings of not looking at the sun, I was reminded of the Greek myth of Icarus who flew too close to the sun with his wax and feather flying contraption.   Icarus was instructed by his father to stay on the flight path: to fly not too close to the sea and not too close to the sun.  Icarus in his giddiness to fly, did not heed his father's warnings and had a fatal accident when he ascended too high and the heat of the sun melted his wax causing him to  fatally fall.  The warning of the myth is to avoid complacency and hubris.  

What is surprising to me is that in the eclipse video feeds of the places that received totality, that even though it was getting darker, when there was only just a sliver of sunlight showing, there was still light to see.  Even with impeding darkness, the sun's rays are powerful enough to shed some light in even the smallest of areas. 

It gives me hope that although I may be deprived of living the way I should be, there is still a chance that I can get it right.  I can choose whether I will allow those feelings of fear, anxiety, bitterness and disappointment to dominate my thinking and my life.  I can choose not to allow hubris to dictate my thoughts: to choose to not think of myself more highly than I really am.  For after all, when I am fearful or anxious it is because deep down I think I can control every outcome.  When I a bitter or disappointed it is because I think I deserve better.  It is all arrogance  and pride on my part.

The eclipse reminds me that even though the sun might not be seen for a time, it is still there behind the moon and will shine again soon.  I may have things blocking and depriving me a life free of worries but it doesn't always have to be.  The sun reminds me of God's promises that He is in control and is always there.  When I get anxious (and lately, I have been anxious about many uncontrollable things) I have to remind myself that God is still there, He is in control, He has taken care of things in the past and will do so in the future.  I need to recognize my frailty and humanness and give over to His sovereignty. 

What about you?  Did you watch the eclipse yesterday?  What was your reaction?  Do you ever feel that things in life are "eclipsing" you?  What are they?  What do you do to "be safe" during those times? 

The sun reminds me that when I put things in its proper place- humbling aligning myself  with God- I am free to enjoy the world around me.  I am free of fear, anxiety, bitterness and disappointment.  The sun reminds me that I do not need to be eclipsed. 

Time Perspective

We are heading out for vacation soon. In preparing for our trip, I have been thinking about what I need to do before hand and what I will do when I get back.  It occurred to me that all, about which I have been thinking and have been worrying is so short sighted.  Probably when we return things will naturally resolve and  I will not be so intense about my situation and my current concerns. 

I met with some friends the other week.  They have younger children than we do.  Hearing their concerns about schools, sports clubs and eventually college brought me back to the time when I worried about those same things.  I wonder, at the time, how much time and energy did I devote to thinking about those things when in reality, most of my mental gymnastics did nothing to change the outcomes.  I just  aggravated my family as well as myself.   You would think given all the attention and time to those worries that I would carry those memories in my heart. The thing is, I completely forgot about those feelings of anxiety and overwhelming consternation until I spoke with our friends.  Obviously it wasn't too great a concern if I cannot remember much about it.  

In cleaning out my father's house I came across pictures and memorabilia that returned me to the time when those depicted scenarios took place.  I can almost hear the conversations around the kitchen table or on the beach blanket.   Again, I think of the mental gymnastics we performed as a family as we discussed (ad nauseam), decided, revisited, discussed some more a problem or situation one of the family members was having.  I am sure that if we currently asked the highlighted family member about that situation they would say, "What?  Oh yeah.  I remember that now.  Funny how I had forgotten.  I don't know what was such a big deal." 

I do think that time does provide great perspective. Unfortunately I wish that I would remember that when I am in the middle of a situation or problem.  I wonder how many cycles of worry, problem, worry, intense worry, thinking of problem all the time, problem resolved, problem forgotten that I need to experience before I cut out the worry stages.  I guess all I can do is try to remember that things do have a way of working out regardless (and most probably in spite of) of our fretting and fussing.  Sure it is good to plan and be proactive in situations but the ruminating of past events and worrying over hypothetical scenarios does nothing. 

What about you?  Are you in the middle of a worry, problem or concern?  What do you do to help resolve the issue?  Talk to others about it? Revisit and replay the scene, dialogue or situation over and over again? How can you gain some perspective?  Can you "go on vacation"  from the problem?  

It may take some time but my concerns today are not at all my concerns from yesterday. So too, I know that my concerns for tomorrow will not be what they are today.  

And that is a good thing. 

Maybe if I remember that concerns come and go I won't be too anxious while they are here. 

Keep Calm and Carry On

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for church I heard the news of another terror attack in London.  On the heels of that report was the panicky stampede at a soccer game in Italy resulting in over 1,000 people being injured.  According to the news report no one knows the exact cause of the Italian stampede.  There is speculation that people panicked when they heard a loud noise thinking it was an explosion. 

In listening to all the terror attacks (and they should be called terror because they are terrifying to the individuals regardless who is initiating them),  I was reminded of the British saying "Keep Calm and Carry On."

I knew that the slogan was from WWII but I didn't know its origin.  In 1939 the British government formed a Ministry of Information to provide publicity and propaganda to the British people.  The MOI came up with a couple of slogans: "Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution will Bring Us Victory" and "Freedom is in Peril" .  Those posters were hung on public transport, shop windows and notice boards. The final poster, "Keep Calm and Carry On" was to be used if Germany invaded the land.  It was never used.  It was believed that all the published but never used posters were destroyed.  A second hand book shop found one hidden among some old books they had bought at auction.  A small portion of others were also found.   The slogan may have been from over seventy years ago but the sentiment is still needed.  Click here to read more.

I think world wide we need to hang that poster on public transport and around our cities. It is understandable to panic and be anxious about large public gatherings and foreign travel but panic and anxiety can ensue even close to home.  The spread of suspicion, mistrust and paranoia is exactly what those who want to reek terror want to do.  In fact, as in the case of Italy, they didn't have to do anything- just let people's own imagination and instinct do the dirty work.

What about you? Do you find that you are anxious and panicky?  Do you look at others with suspicion?  Does the climate in the world and nation have you rethinking your plans?  

And how are you, not only in the global sense, but also with your individual plans?  Are you feeling panicky and anxious about your current situation?  Do you feel that you stampeding forward with poor decisions or caught up with other's jumpy conclusions?  ER doctors and others in true crisis management excluded, when we feel rushed we very rarely make good judgement calls. 

What can you do to keep calm and carry on?  Is it to find more margin in your life?  Do you have to say no to people and situations?  Do you need to avoid those people who cause stress in your life?  (at least for the time being)

While I think we need to be wise and prudent about out travel and to be aware of our surroundings and how we conduct ourselves, I think we cannot let those who want to strike terror into our lives succeed.  I also think that we can be wise in our personal lives.  In some seasons of life we cannot avoid stressful and anxiety producing situations, but we do have a choice.  We can keep calm and carry on. 

It is I

Do you ever feel afraid?  Not just butterflies in the stomach or things going bump in the night afraid, but afraid of the future or of things that might happen?  How will bills get paid?  What if my beloved dies?  What if I have to spend more time and money than I have on parents, children, or family?  Will my children grow up safe?  Will I get sick or disabled?  What if I lose my job? How will I manage all the stress on my time?

Some days the worries and concerns keep piling up. It seems as if life's demands are like an never ending leaky faucet:  Drip.  Drip. Drip.  And there appears to be no way to turn off  the demands.

The other week I was feeling that drippiness of life.  It just seemed like a never ending stream of:  "Can you do this...?  Can you pick up...? I need such and such... Would you mind doing... Would you be available?  

As it happens so many times in the past, as I read my daily Bible reading, the verses for that specific day spoke to those issues on my heart.  I was reading the story of Jesus walking on water (John 6: 16-20). As the story goes the disciples were out on a boat, traveling across the sea to get to the other side.  They had just come from participating and witnessing the feeding of the five thousand.  They must've been exhausted.  Can you imagine anything worse than thousands of hungry people and not any quantity of food around?  Sure, they witnessed and were part of a multiplication miracle but prior to that occurring, the atmosphere must have been incredibly stressful.

So, off they go on a boat and Jesus is no where to be seen.  Were they worried that something had happened to him?  Were they worried that something would happen to them?   As they were rowing the seas got rough and the wind started blowing.  It is interesting that these seasoned fishermen would be scared and worried about a familiar situation.   But how many times have I, under unfavorable conditions been worried and anxious for no apparent reason.  Things that normally wouldn't affect me at all, can become major issues when I am tired, hungry, angry or stressed.

It is in that stressful and worrisome time that the disciples spy someone, an apparition coming towards them across the water.   Jesus speaks to them first, "It is I.  Do not be afraid."  In my Bible translation it suggests that the phrase, "It is I" is deliberately chosen.  "It is I" harkens back to when Moses encounters God at the burning bush.  "I am who I am".   That phrase should remind them that God is the one who was, who is and who will always be.  He has provided and protected them in the past and will do so in their future. They need not have any worries or anxieties.  He is with them and will safely take them ashore.

I need that reminder today.  Jesus tells you and tells me, "It is I. Do not be afraid" every time we feel that life's stressors are getting the best of us.  He tells us that when we are worried about our future and its seemingly non-ending drippiness of stress.  And he tells us that when we need to get to where we are going.

Jesus' walking on water was miraculous and memorable.  The action of His walking and defying natural law showed Him to be divine. He doesn't need special transport to go across the water. He can just move as He wills.  And yet, even in His splendor of His divinity He was interested in calming the fears of His subjects.  Once Jesus enters the boat, the seas calm and all is restored. The disciples didn't need to be afraid because He is who He is and He cares for each one of them.

You and I do not have to be afraid, worried or anxious.  We have access to the Divine who will get into our boats, love us where we are, eliminate all our fears and take us safely to shore. 

What about you?  Are you worried and anxious about much?  Do you need to witness a walking on water miracle before you can trust the One who calms the seas? When things are tough, remember "It is I". Remember the One who walks on water yet also gets into the boat with us so that we are no longer afraid. 

Wired

One of my favorite actors is Ewan McGregor.  I enjoy some of his body of work but I really enjoy his interviews on various talk shows.  He just seems to have a joie de vive and a generous spirit. He embodies the adage, "do what you love and love what you do". He takes such delight in his environment, what he is doing, and the people whom he meets. 

I heard him once discuss his experience on giving up smoking.  He was a heavy smoker and finally had enough.  He said that he spent so much time looking for his smoking accoutrements-lighter, cigarettes, ashtray-every time he sat down that he just  couldn't  sit down. He had to make sure that he had all his "stuff" and he would fiddle with all those things.  He couldn't leave the house without checking and rechecking that he had all his smoking paraphernalia. There was so much activity just to keep the habit going.  Now that he is not smoking he says that he is at peace. He has a sense of tranquility.  When he sits down now, he can just sit and enjoy the experience. 

Collection of known usable wires that keep us "connected".  In addition, there is a box somewhere that contains cords and wires to those electronic devices which have gone to the great beyond. 

I feel that way with all the cords and wires to keep us electronically connected. Every time we go on a trip we have added to our checklist litany, 'Do you have your chargers- for the phone, the laptop, all your devices?"   

One summer we were packing up from our stay at our rented vacation cottage.  For reasons that take too long to explain, my one son had put all his electronic cords, mouth retainer and other (expensive)  sundries into a plastic grocery bag.  The four of us in the family were doing our respective "getting ready to leave" jobs: final vacuum through, packing the back of the car, loading the bikes onto the roof rack and collecting the trash which was in a plastic grocery bag like the one my son used as his "luggage". You can only guess what happened.  We did not discover the switch until we were ten hours away, dropping off this son at his college apartment. The restful and peaceful feeling of our two week vacation was immediately shattered with the seemingly innocent inquiry, "Mom, where did you put the white plastic grocery bag?"

Somedays I wish I could quit the habit of the electronic devices and the need (seemingly)  to be connected all the time.   Somedays it seems as if the cost of the devices- keeping track of their whereabouts, keeping them charged, updating the information, figuring out how to use them properly- far outweighs any benefit.  Somedays the red circle or ding of a reminder that I have a text message, a notification or an email is anxiety producing.  I can feel my heart rate increase. The red is too reminiscent of the red marker from school. "What did I miss?,  Did I do something wrong? Have I broken something?"

When I get anxious I know that I need to take an electronic fast.  I need to take a deep breath and realize that I am not going to get an "F" for failing to respond to a message or alert immediately.  I need to set the electronics aside so that peace and tranquility can reign in my heart. 

I have an acquaintance who makes a point of taking an electronic sabbath one day a week or at least a good part of one day. She and her husband have agreed not to look at emails, turn on the computer or respond to text messages.  Admirable.  To be honest, I think I might have a tough time not being electronically connected for a whole day.  Although the times when I couldn't be connected to an electronic device for whatever reason (current location has no service, attending a workshop or meetings, on a trip), I have felt such lightness of being, kind of like a snow day.  I always feel rejuvenated and ready to come back to the "electronic age".  

What about you?  Are you too wired?  Do you get frustrated with all the cords, wires and connections of which you need to keep track? How do you handle it?  Physically and emotionally? Have you ever not been connected?  What was the reason?  How did you feel when you finally "reconnected"?   Have you ever taken an electronics fast?

Aren't we fortunate to be living in an age where we can choose how we use the tools that improve our lives?  I just need to remember that the electronic devices are to be used and not to let them use me.  I need  to choose peace and tranquility.   I need to choose not to be "wired".