Blessing of Kindness

The power of kindness can go a long way. Yet it seems as if our society gravitates towards the path of unkindness : cruel words, destructive behavior, disregard of others and harmful actions. While I am sure we can chalk it up to original sin, after a while we cannot keep abdicating our duties as human beings with that excuse. Science has shown that kindness is good for our health. When one is kind, it releases oxytocin, a hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter. It produces the “feel good” sensation. Kindness elevates oxytocin levels. The increased levels decreases stress and anxiety and can help build trust and overall psychological stability. We are wired to care for one another, help one another, and to live together in harmony. While our nature might be to harm and pull apart, we were originally made to be together.

What does kindness mean to you? Can you define it? In some ways, it is one of those words/concepts that is defined by examples and expressions: milk of human kindness; kindness of strangers; random acts of kindness; out of the kindness of one’s heart; to kill one with kindness. While we may not be able to define it we can state like Justice Potter’s Stewarts infamous quote, “I know it when I see it.”

According to dictionary.cambridge.org, kindness means: the quality of being generous, helpful, and caring about other people, or an act showing this quality. Kindness synonyms are affection, gentleness, tenderness, goodwill, or concern. Being considerate implies being kind and thoughtful. In the Christian tradition it is considered a fruit of the Spirit- meaning that it is a by-product and example of God/Holy Spirit working in one’s life. While God has made us in His image (male/female) and therefore we have kindness in our DNA, our broken world has prevented us from exhibiting kindness all the time. We need God’s help.

I was struck with the image a dear friend sent to me: Yo-Yo Ma playing his cello during his fifteen-minute post-vaccine wait. While other people might bring a book or magazine while they wait, he brought his cello. What a generous and kind thing to do- providing some comfort and uplifting music and turning a mundane, potentially anxiety producing experience to one of calm and peace. Beautiful music can uplift the hearers to a different mental state. Mr. Ma didn’t have to do that. He could’ve just waited quietly, reading a book or checking his phone. He could’ve been in his own private, isolated zone and no one would’ve thought poorly of him. Yet, he chose to be generous with his talents and to share them with others.

Kindness is contagious. When we hear, see or witness others’ kind treatment of people, we can be inspired to continue that train of thought and action. No wonder we all smile and feel good when we encounter kindness. All those feel good hormones being released. In honor of kindness and gifts- I offer you the following words that I find inspiring:

Kindness is selfless, compassionate, and merciful; its greatest power revealed in practice to our enemies and amongst the least of these. Love your neighbor; show kindness to EVERYONE. —— www.geneva.com

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. —-Audrey Hepburn

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. —-Lao Tzu

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. ` ——Ralph Waldo Emerson

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. —-Aesop

What about you? Have you witnessed kindness recently? What was it? Did you receive it? Did you offer it to someone else? How can you add a little kindness into your life? Into the lives of family, friends, neighbors or strangers? How can you use a talent or gift to bless others today?

• Find out more on how to practice kindness: www.randomactsofkindness.org

Every Day Should Be World Kindness Day

Yesterday (November 13th)  was World Kindness Day.  The day was created in 1997 when a group of like-minded kindness organizations (no political or religious affiliations)  convened at a conference in Japan. "The mission of the WKM is to inspire individuals towards greater kindness and to connect nations to create a kinder world. Members of the movement include over 25 nations with representatives from Australia, Brazil, Canada, China, France, India, Italy, Japan, Liberia, Malaysia, Mexico, Nepal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nigeria, Oman, Pakistan, Romania, Scotland, South Korea,Switzerland,Thailand, United Arab Emerites, Ukraine, United Kingdom and the USA."

I cannot think of a better time than now to practice kindness.  But what does it look like? What does it truly mean? It seems as if it is one of those words that we think we know but do we really?

What is kindness?  In looking up its meaning, many sites use as a definition,  "the act of being kind." 

So then, the next question is what is kind?   According to dictionary.com:  1. of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person  2. having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence: kind words3. indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (often followed by to): to be kind to animals. 4. mild; gentle; clement: kind weather  5. British Dialect. loving; affectionate

Eventually, I did find a definition for kindness: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. 

I like that, the idea of being considerate- to think of others and their needs.  It is the Biblical mandate to love your neighbor as yourself.  In my search for the definition of kindness I found that according to the Baker's Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology, kindness is "an attribute of God and quality desirable but not consistently found in humans." 

Perhaps that is why as humans, we find it so hard to be kind.  In order to be so, we need some divine help.  Perhaps that is why as humans, we are so touched when we experience kindness in our lives or when we are kind to another;  we have connected, in some small ways to the divine. Either way I think it is time for us to call upon the divine and practice kindness. 

The challenge is to practice kindness today.  It doesn't take divine knowledge nor longitudinal studies to know that the seeds of kindness can spread far and wide.  It just takes one action, one note, or one smile to sow that seed.

What can you try today?  Sure there are lots of suggestions:  write an encouraging note, smile at all the people you encounter, pay for coffee for the person behind you in line,  speak graciously to those whom you disagree.  Click here for suggestions at the Random Acts of Kindness organization.

More than that, with each person that you encounter today, can you see things from his/her point of view?  Can you be considerate of what they are experiencing?  Can you pray before each encounter that God will open your eyes to see that person as He sees him/her?  To pray that you have the courage and imagination to be kind in a way that will be meaningful to him/her? 

World Kindness Day may have come and gone but I would pray that we continue it each day. Lord knows that we need it. 

Click here to read more about The World Kindness Movement.

Be Ye Kind

There is a community senior center in our area called  BYKOTA.  I always wondered about that name. Was is some type of Native American tribe that had lived in our area?  Was it the name of the founder of the center?  Turns out it is the acronym for the Bible verse, "Be Ye Kind, One To Another."  As it so happens, not bad advice on learning to live in community.

Lately I have not been kind to myself.  As you may have realized from previous blogs that my mom passed away suddenly about two months ago.  In the aftermath with all the administrative things, scheduling appointments and general care of my father, I have been extremely busy and have had to take a hiatus from my work. (reason for my irregular blog postings)  While schedules are still not "normal" for me and I wonder if they ever will become "normal", I have not had time to "grieve"- whatever that means or looks like.  As typical for most people, I have had to keep going and do the next task set before me. 

Last week was one of the first times things were a little more quiet for me.  Of course, as I tried to write I was completely dry, totally blank and didn't have one ounce of inspiration.  I felt exhausted, unfocused and agitated.  I tried "jump starting" my work, giving myself pep talks and advice.  Again I felt agitated and upset.   It dawned on me that I was working out my grieve and that I needed to not fight my experience but just let things unfold as they were happening to me.  

A dear friend offered me some advice on being kind to myself.  After all, if I knew of a person going through a similar situation as I have been, wouldn't I tell them to be kind to themselves and to let themselves have a little break from expectations and work?   

Of course she was right.  Funny, I can give others lots of grace and understanding but for myself I am a grueling task master.  Generally I am kind one to another but not to myself.

My journey through this time of loss is continually teaching me things:

1) Be Ye Kind, One To Another.  (BYKOTA)  Even though I have had at times, some words with family members, I am learning to be kind to them as they too are grieving the loss of a loved one. I am learning that everyone responds and reacts differently to loss and that is okay. 

2) Be Ye Kind, Also To Yourself (BYKATY)  It always seems that we forget the second part of the statement of loving one another as we love (and should love) ourselves.  We are so quick to not appear to be selfish that we get the balance wrong; either we are extremely selfish and forget the part of loving our neighbor or we feel that we are not worthy of loving ourselves and therefore do everything for another.  In doing so we can become shells of ourselves.  We end up with no substance and no support which in turn doesn't help anybody.   

3) Build in some margin into your life.  Even though my work has been disrupted, I am grateful that my schedule is flexible enough and that I had some built-in wiggle room so that I can help out with my extended family when needed.  I am trying to focus on that gratitude and not be focused on begrudging the time spent away from my work.

4) Do something that brings you joy.  I love working in the garden. Mostly I like playing with rocks, dirt and mulch and would be happy "planting" a hardscape with combinations of the three. Occasionally the softscape of plants will accommodate me by their blooming.  There are certain areas and little vignettes of plants in my garden that bring a smile to my face.  Every time I walk past the entrance to the back yard, I smile when I see the iris, blue Russian sage, shasta daisies against the willow fencing.  Makes me think of our time in Oxford. 

5) Whatever you are doing, practice the presence of being present.  I am learning to not be distracted with what has happened in the past nor what I need to do for the future.  I am trying to be present when I am with others- attentively listening and responding to their needs.  I am trying to concentrate solely on the task at hand and to relax and enjoy each moment. 

What about you?  Have you ever gone through a period of grief?  What did that look like?  Were you kind to others?  Kind to yourself?  What did you do to be kind?  

Be Ye Kind:  BYKOTA and  BYKATY.

Standing on the deck overlooking part of the back yard, patio and pond.  Rose bushes are just beginning to explode in color and scent.