Adjustments

Adjustment: noun; plural noun: adjustments

a) a small alteration or movement made to achieve a desired fit, appearance, or result.

b) the process of adapting or becoming used to a new situation.

I have been doing yoga on and off for the last couple of years. I say “doing” rather than “practicing” because I do not go through the motions in any consistent way. (Just like I am not "practicing” the piano, I just dabble.) Also, I do not use yoga for any religious or spiritual reasons. I just like the stretching and toning it provides.

The other day I was doing my yoga stretches and was moving through a pose called “cat/cow.” One is on all fours (palms on ground under shoulders and knees under hips). One “drops the belly” producing a sway back - looking like a cow hanging down with belly and udders full- and then “curls back”- lifting one’s back in an arch like a cat would do.

I have done that pose numerous times but, as is said in every yoga practice, one needs to think about the movements each time and not just quickly go through them. The instructor reminded me that in the cow position I needed to reach my heart (upper chest) forward as the belly dropped. It was a slight shift and change than what I had been doing and it really made a difference with the stretch.

I thought about that small change as I was playing tennis the other night. Just a simple extra movement in my feet or shoulder position can make a huge change in how I handle the ball. If I step forward into the ball instead of waiting for it to come to me, I can sometimes produce a winning shot.

A small alteration that can make a big impact.

The other part of the definition for adjustment is the process for adapting to a new situation. I would say that most of us are in that category just by default of the pandemic. I think of teachers and students in the classrooms: they have had to adjust to masks, where they sit, what type of recess and play they can have, even how close the instructors can be in helping them.

Anyone of us who has been in a store or any position of waiting knows how we have unwittingly learned to adapt. For instance, it now seems normal to be six feet apart while queuing at the grocery store. I think of the old days that if I saw people standing beyond the conveyor belt, I would think that was such a long line and look for another checker. Now, seeing a person beyond the conveyor belt means that the line is only one person long because of the space we give one another.

I am finding the word adjustment in my spiritual thoughts as well. In the NT, Paul reminds us that we can transform our hearts through the renewing of our minds. One way we do that is in reading and rereading the Bible. Each time we look at a passage, God speaks to our hearts and we can choose to adjust to a new mindset, behavior or attitude.

In reading the book of Ecclesiastes, I am adjusting to the concept that I am nothing outside of God. As is the case with God, He (and life) is always a paradox: we are nothing apart from Him but everything with Him. The things that I worry about and spend my time doing or thinking about are not that important and won’t last. What is important and will last is my contribution to what God is doing. An idea that is humbling and strengthening all at the same time. Humbling, knowing that I am a mere cog in the wheel of life but also strengthening (to my confidence), knowing that I am a cog in the wheel of life and that what God has called me to do and what plans He has for me are things that only I can do. My contributions are important. Each day, I need to concentrate on that which I am called to do and to enjoy what comes down my path.

For if I would die today, tomorrow or in the next couple of minutes, I wouldn’t change a thing. It is like the lesson the main character, Emily learns in Thornton Wilders’ play Our Town: I appreciate and love the ordinariness of life and my daily activities. It is in the ordinariness of our calling that we find the extra-ordinary meaning of life.

What about you? What adjustments have been made in your life? Were they (are they) big or small? To your work schedule? To your finances? To your family? To your values? To your priorities? What adjustments can you make in your day today? What small changes to your physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual activities can you make?

Some possible ideas:

• Getting up fifteen minutes earlier to just collect your thoughts.

• Choosing to forgo the dessert.

• Trying a new recipe.

• Smiling to someone who generally ticks you off.

• Straightening your desk at the end of the day.

• Refusing to answer or comment on a snarky social media or email.

• Breathing deeply when feeling stressed.

• Finding pleasure in small things of life: A flower on your desk, glancing at the star-filled sky, noticing the weather outside your window (whether it is rain, snow, fog, sun).

• Reading a chapter in a book.

• Memorizing a favorite quote or Bible verse.

• Driving home via a new route.

• Saving $10/week (or whatever might fit your budget).

• Sending a note of gratitude to a co-worker.

Re-Frame

The original print is of a lot larger scene but I liked just concentrating on the cottage and the roses.

Recently I have been trying to de-clutter. Truth is, it should really be called re-cluttering because if an item sits in the “rid pile” too long, it might be re-assigned somewhere else in the house. It seems to be a system of “Two steps forward and one backward” but at least I am slowly culling things out.

As I am sorting things, I have been thinking. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. A lot of what we have has been repurposed into other usage for projects that I thought I would have to go out to the store to complete. Turns out, I had the material all along.

I will be in the middle of a project and realize that if I change my focus and look at an item differently, I can re-use my “clutter”. For instance, I discovered that we have many prints of old Masters as well as frames and mats of all different sizes. As was in the process of ridding all of them when I was re-painting/redecorating our bedroom. I took one of the prints and framed it with a larger mat so only a portion of the print showed and hung it on our wall. I like it. To me, is gives a a nice intentional focus through a different impression and scale. And I didn’t have to go out and purchase something new. Similarly, I was able to “find” a desired small bedroom chair for our Cape house by re-assessing an inherited chair I was going to discard. So now, an old, dark-wood, dusty, needlepoint-seat chair has two new lives as a painted white, beachy, bedroom chair and a lovely needlepoint pillow.

I guess it is all in the re-framing and looking at the potential of an object. Turns out re-framing is a good way to look at our lives and situations. Especially when we feel overwhelmed by life and all its travails.

In Psychology they call it cognitive reframing: “Reframing is a technique used by counselors to shift a client’s view of a particular problem, event, or person. It is based on the assumption that when clients are able to view a situation from another perspective, opportunities for finding alternative, acceptable solutions to their problems increase.”

One of the ultimate cognitive re-framers is Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor. Frankl lost everything- his wife, his family, his possessions and most of the people around him yet Frankl “kept his mind active, planning the lectures he would give after his release, using the material from the death camps to illustrate points he wanted to teach. As a devoted teacher, his careful, deliberate planning of his future lectures kept his spirit and body alive in hideous deadening conditions.”

He demonstrated a giant reframe of a horrific experience: He looked at his situation and transformed it by re-focusing on ways the experience could help others find hope.

Of course, I hope, none of us has or is experiencing the horrific times that Mr. Frankl did, but the lesson of reframing can be applied to our lives. Can we step back from our experience and see it through the lens of someone else? Can we take a long view of our situation? Will this (whatever the “this” is affecting your life currently) be important to me in five years?

In some ways it reminds me of Dorothy and her learning that there is “no place like home”. By reframing, we realize that we already possess the ability and the attitude in our mental “homes”. Just like I already had the chair that was a good fit for our beach home. I just had see the potential and look at the chair in a different light. We just have to learn how to view our circumstances a little bit differently.

For me, it is also a recognition that through God’s grace, I can renew my mind through the transformative power of the Holy Spirit. While I may possess ability and attitude, I need some help. After all, Jesus was the ultimate re-framer. He helps us to view our situation with His perspective. In doing so, we become more like Him and more like the self that God intended us to be.

I am also wondering if we should think about re-framing when considering others? Not that we have the right or power to change someone but what would it look like if we re-framed our thoughts about one another? Like our narrowing down the print to only focus on one aspect of the painting, what if we only focused on the encouraging aspect of someone else? Or viewed them in light of their potential? How could we encourage them to be the best versions of themselves?

What about you? Have you ever re-framed your situation? What did it look like? Did it help you survive whatever you were experiencing? Are there attitudes about others or even yourself that need re-focusing?

The beauty of re-framing is that is doesn’t cost us much- just the effort. But the outcomes can be priceless.

Click here for a rather long article about all types of reframing one’s thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving

Another year. Another Thanksgiving. Another gathering with family and friends to share a meal, to spend time together and to think about our lives. For many it is around the table that gratitude is expressed. Today is a great opportunity to reflect on where we have been and where we are going. Today is a good day to pause and think about how we view the blessings in our lives.

At a recent dinner one of our friends was sharing a story about a grandfather and his seven-year-old granddaughter. For some reason as the child’s grandfather was pouring the child some water he decided to test the “is the glass half-full or half-empty” theory on her. After the grandfather asked, the child pondered for moment and then said, “Depends on whether you are the one pouring the water or waiting to drink it.”

What a profound answer.

I know that I have to continually reframe my thinking to see life as “half-full”. Generally I am a half-full person but if I am tired, hungry or anxious I will start seeing life through a “half-empty, unfair, why am I the only one…” whining lens. Totally ridiculous and totally untrue. It is at those times that I need to step back, recharge and regroup in order to see the entire picture- all the blessings that I have undeservedly received.

When it comes to the water in the glass, the volume of liquid is the same whether it is half-full or half-empty. To use the commonly over-used expression, “it is what it is.” I cannot change the amount. What I have before me is just that- nothing more, nothing less.

What I like about the granddaughter’s response is a new take on the age old question. In the past, the question has been asked with the intention of what the viewer, as a third-person narrative, thinks. The question does not really ask if the glass is yours or not. It is a passive question. This new spin on the question has us ask with a first-person narrative- if we are the ones who are involved, how do we view the glass? What is our active participation with the glass? What is our attitude if we are providing the water? What is our attitude if we know that water is coming?

I know that when I am in a position to “pour out” blessings to others, I am more likely to be in a positive and helpful mood. I want to be able to provide blessing, assistance, or aide to others. “Pouring out” blessing almost always has me seeing the provision as half-full. And not only that specific provision, but other things as well. When I am feeling that I can bless others, I start to see the many blessings others have been poured out for me. It is in the act of my blessing that I begin to see blessing all around me.

When I am active as one waiting for the glass to be poured, I have an expectation that needs will be met. I am waiting for whatever comes into the glass. I don’t think of being short-changed (by half-empty or half-full) but grateful for what is in the glass. My thirst will be quenched. I can be grateful for the blessings because they are for me. They are not in comparison of what others have received.

On this day of Thanksgiving, what, “it is what it is” in your life? What are the things that are in your glass? Life? Health? Shelter? Money? Family? Friends? God? Material possessions? Job? Career? Respect in your community? Influence? Honor? Integrity? Love? Relationships?

On this day of Thanksgiving, what are the blessings in your life- whether they are ones you have “poured” out to others or that you are waiting to receive?

Choices

What choices have you made today?  

Get up with the alarm or hit the snooze button?  Shave or go with a little stubble? Boxers or briefs? Skirt or pants? Eggs or oatmeal?  Tell your boss his project idea isn't going to work or smile and start planning? Visit that family member or decide to stay home?  Ride the train or drive? Ask the cute co-worker for coffee or remain silent?  Say yes to the job offer across the country or look for something closer to home?  Go to church or sleep in?

Every day in every way we have choices.  Some are major.  Some are minor.  Most are lifestyle preferences on how we feel on a particular day. Major or minor, what we choose says something about us and our values. 

I was thinking about choices and attitudes recently.  The other day I was riding my bicycle to do some errands.  It was so much easier to go to the store and the shopping mall on my bike rather than contend with the long holiday traffic lines. But I had a practical reason for riding as we are down to one car and that particular car was "in the shop".  I needed some sort of transportation and the bicycle was it.

Our one car lifestyle is a lifestyle choice. We are choosing to reduce our carbon footprint.  We are choosing to take time and research our next car options so that we can purchase a car that matches our needs. We are choosing to save up our money so we can buy our next car without a loan.  We are choosing to see if we can live in a place where there is (limited) public transportation and "bike paths".   When I view the decision for one car as our choice I am much better in my attitude.

Many years ago we were down to one car.  We were seeing how long we could go without purchasing another much needed second car.   It took a lot of coordination of schedules, "I need the car on Wednesday.  You need it Thursday night." etc.  At that time, the choice for the one car was necessitated by a total car accident of our previous car and not one that we had readily chosen. 

How I internally complained about our situation!  As I would be walking along, pushing our two young boys in the stroller, struggling under grocery bags, every passing car seemed to mock me. "Why don't you have a car?  We have a car- ha, ha, ha."  

But I am so grateful for that experience.  Our two boys developed into wonderful walkers. When they were quite small I remember taking them to Washington DC with a friend and her two "slightly older than ours" children.  Our guys just kept plugging along, never flagging while the friend's children had a little bit of a struggle.  Also, the experience has made all of us more aware of others' transportation plights, the development of cities and what we as citizens can choose to do. 

So as I was pedaling along the other day, I realized that I had none of the animosity and annoyance in our current one car choice as I did with the previous time.  For me it was because I have chosen to live like this. I have the pleasure of exercising and doing an errand. I have the opportunity to explore areas of our town that I cannot traverse in the car. I have the satisfaction in knowing that I am living my beliefs. 

What a difference a shift in attitude and perspective make.    Because I made the choice and it wasn't decided for me, I feel that I have options.  The end result is the same- one car- yet my attitude is totally different as I pass motorists.  No longer do I feel that they are mocking me.  I feel confident with the ease in which I travel and with the fun that I am experiencing. 

What about you?  What choices have you made?  Are making?  Are some of your choices thrust upon you or can you decide for yourself?  In dealing with other people, do you make the choices for them or do you allow them to do so?  What are you having to decide that could be handled differently with an attitude and perspective choice?