Balance

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about balance. How it is so necessary in all aspects of our lives but so hard to execute and/or maintain. I have always struggled with balance- whether it was work/life balance, helping others/self-care, being present/future planning.

Alas, this in NOT me. If I were she, I would be tumbling into the water below.

Physically, I find myself off-balance more often than I like. Just the other day I was walking along a brick path by our house and before I knew it, caught myself from falling. My foot must have just turned on the slightly raised brick. Of course, I was in my usual mode, scurrying along and thinking of multiple things at once rather than where I was placing my feet. To try and combat my clumsiness, I do practice yoga every so often and work on balance poses. At first it was quite awkward, trying to stand on one leg like a flamingo, but I have improved.

Mentally and emotionally, I try to stay balanced in the expenditure of my time and mental energy. Try is the operative word because I must say that this is very difficult for me. I find myself, more often than not, “giving” my time away to others. Not that it is such a bad thing- it is very important to help another. The other day I heard someone talk about “the helper’s high”- that satisfaction that one gets in helping another person. It was a concept that was coined in the 1980’s. Not only is helping beneficial for the one being helped but it does benefit the helper: satisfaction in life, increased endorphins, decrease stress hormones, etc. While it may have been termed then, it is a universal truth: God made us for community. What better way to tie us together than to realize that we need to help one another.

I have said this before but the fastest way for me to get out of a funk is to help someone else. Apparently there is science data that backs that up. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30424992/)

Yet, the helper’s high comes with pros and cons. Helping too much and not providing for self rest and rejuvenation can cause compassion burnout, fatigue and bitterness/fear of ever helping again. I know that in the past, I have been burned out through multiple volunteer activities. I lacked any pacing or boundaries with my “helping”. It has taken me a while to feel comfortable enough to get as involved as I would like in a variety of community activities. I am still figuring out the right balance.

I find I struggle with balance in the execution of my day- I want to be present and in the moment, yet I find myself planning for the “next thing” on my schedule. The more chaotic my life becomes, the more I find myself planning. I realize that over planning is really a way to control any chaos. Again, not that it is a bad thing but by not balancing the planning with the current moment robs me of enjoyment of that current moment.

In the practice of being physically balanced- whether that is from a standing position, on a balance beam or in a precarious spot, there are certain behaviors that help one remain upright and not fall: eyes need to remain focused in one spot, core muscles (abdomen) need to be engaged, arms or a leg may need to be extended or lightly placed on a wall or ground to counterbalance the posture.

Those concepts can be applied to being emotionally and mentally balanced. We need to keep our eyes fixed on a certain point- our “eyes on the prize”- whether that is a specific goal or our overall life goal. For me, keeping my eyes on Jesus- whether that is making tough decisions (the old line- What would Jesus do?), keeping my thoughts and actions in line with Jesus when chaos is swirling around me or figuring out what is God’s best in any given situation- helps me stay upright. When I rely on God for my future, and to some extent the plans for that future, I can enjoy the moments that I have. I don’t need to be frantic for the “next thing”. Maintaining a strong core of faith through reading the Bible gives me a foundation to hold firm when circumstances knock me over. As I try to remain balanced, having others who keep me accountable and ask me how I am doing or remind me of my weaknesses help counterbalance my tendency to try it on my own.

What about you? Do you feel balanced? In work and life? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? If so, how do you maintain that balance? If not, what can you do to practice a more balanced lifestyle?

One of my favorite Bible verses: A false weight is an abomination to the Lord. While it was written for those who were in charge of using weights and measures and was a reminder of the severity of cheating, I always thought of it as a reminder to stay balanced. God wants us to be balanced in our lives. Just as Peter did walk on water for the brief moments he kept his eyes fixed on Jesus, so too can we be balanced in our lives if we keep focused on Jesus and what God has for our lives.

Post Pandemic Life

Post Pandemic Life: Visual reminder to balance focused planned work (journal) with spontaneous meanderings (roses).

Is your life going back to “normal”? I know of some friends who are able to go back to work- albeit in a different setting with different protocols. One person works in an office. He has to be in his individual office with the door closed at all times. If he rides the elevator, only 1 person allowed on the elevator at a time. There is no use of common spaces- coffee maker, break room. Even our little tennis club has an elaborate procedure to use the small restroom- 1 person at a time; take a spray bottle of disinfectant with you (also doubles as a “hall pass” to let others know that the bathroom is occupied), spray down the area before and after use. When returning the spray bottle, you need to wipe off the bottle with hand wipes.

The grocery stores still have their lines and still are limiting customers. No more times of just a quick run to the store to pick up a loaf of bread. In some stores the “greeter” checks to see that you are wearing your mask properly- no nasal exposure. She clicks your presence into her counter as another body in the store. If one needs a shopping cart, it is expected to either use the one offered from the “cart wiper” or self-wipe the cart. Arrows point to which direction you can walk. The store aisles have turned into a one-way street grid system. Shopping has become a carefully planned and choreographed outing. At this point, we are not “going back” to anything. Instead we are creating a new “normal” of behavioral living.

As some businesses and social activities are opening back up, the participation opportunities of pre-quarantine activities are rolling in. Not that I mind them per se, it is just that I have gotten used to this stay-at-home order. While I do not like the idea of the quarantine limiting my freedom, I do like the permission the stay-at-home order has given me to not have to perform any obligations or duties. “Sorry, can’t do that. Government says I cannot.”

The more society is “getting back to normal” and my schedule is “getting back to normal” the more I feel anxious about my time. I am feeling panicky that my writing work time will be swallowed up by obligations that have been on hiatus. This quarantine has given me insight into my working day and what I need to do to be productive. I am afraid that without the “excuse” of a pandemic I will not be strong and protective in guarding my time. I am not ready to relinquish the unhampered schedule. As things are letting up, I feel that I am kind of missing the corona virus quarantine. Is this a mutation of the Stockholm Syndrome- the condition in which hostages develop a psychological alliance with their captors during captivity? Am I developing an alliance, a preference for being isolated? Or, am I becoming agoraphobic?

Once again, as it seems to be my refrain, balance is key. And while I like the unhurried atmosphere of these past couple of months, I also like having goals, plans and a relative schedule. (I think I have shared before) But I finally have come to realize that, while I do like to design a schedule, I very rarely actually follow a specific schedule for too long.

Ironically, it is through this unhurried, stay-at-home pandemic, that I have learned that laser-type focusing- at the expense of all other concentration- is key in creative pursuits. One would think that being so focused would be part of a controlled schedule yet it was in this unplanned time that I have been most productive.

But the balance to laser-type focusing is to also have diffuse thinking. There are the times when one’s mind needs to wander, explore and make random connections. One’s thoughts need to stretch, lengthen, linger or curl around ideas. Mind meanderings are a good balance to concentrated focusing.

Balance is also key in caregiving- of others and of ourselves. We need to physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually care for ourselves There are times when we have to care for our own needs at the exclusion of others. Yet mostly we need to balance our needs with the caring for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs of others. Because in caring for others, we are tending to our emotional need to be empathetic. It is just a question of timing- in the different seasons of our lives we may be more laden in one area or with one person or obligation than another.

Just this morning I had a conversation with a friend discussing the balance of time: how does one spontaneously enjoy the moment yet still accomplish plans and feel that one’s days are purposeful? Stop and smell the roses is the old saying but one has to design, plant and care for the garden before there can be roses to sniff.

What about you? Are you anxious, panicky about “getting back to normal”? Is it for health safety? Due to our lack of vaccines or treatments for the virus? Have ideas or priorities changed for you during this pandemic? Are you anxious to return to the lifestyle that you had pre-quarantine? Will you miss the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed in quarantine? What kind of balance do you see in your life? What kind of life will you live, post-pandemic?

False Weight

When the tension is right, a ukulele has such a happy sound.

Are you carrying around false weight? Not necessarily poundage that has somehow been added to your middle or the weight that doesn’t match your driver’s license description, but the false weight of an unbalanced life? Do you feel that you are leaning too much in one direction- work, family, housework, care-giving? Do you ever feel that life is toppling around you or that you are listing to one side?

It seems as if my entire life has been about balance. One of my favorite verses as a young child was “A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight.” (Proverbs 11:1) While this Hebrew wise man may have been referring to actual weights and scales (the practice of adding a little more weight to the side of the merchant), I always felt this verse could be applied to other false weights.

Even then I was interested and tried to discover a balance in my life: how to juggle all my activities-school, hobbies, social, extra-curricular, etc. As a young person it was almost a game to see how much I could pack into a day and how much responsibility I could manage. I would falsely tell myself (in the words of Mr. Incredible), “I have time.” I have time to go from one thing to another and to say yes to one more thing. Unfortunately most of my memories are of the process of rushing from one activity to another, feeling that inner crazed agitation and not truly enjoying the moment. I do not think God wants us to live our lives in that manner. He wants us to be free of anxiety, stress, and frustration. He wants us to have joy in what we do.

As an adult, I have tried many things to remedy the rushing, non-joyful situations that my off-balance lifestyle creates. I do not want to feel unbalanced: toppling under the weight of over-commitment. Periodically I will review my obligations list. I say no to things more times than I say yes. Yet still, I feel that my days are out of control and that I am scrambling to keep up.

It occurred to me that it is more than just a rearrangement of my schedule (although that is certainly something that I should do). I definitely need clarity of vision as I assess this weight of obligation. I was reminded in my yoga workouts that balance occurs with the pull of opposite and opposing forces. One stretches and reaches upward as one settles, pushes and grounds one’s feet to the floor.

There has to be tension in balance.

I think for so long I was trying to strike some type of life balance without experiencing any tension. I thought that the tension of rushing and deadlines was creating the unbalance: If I eliminate the rushing and deadlines that tension would be released and then I would feel balanced.

But that doesn’t work. It is like when we had to replace strings on our ukulele. Once you take off the old string, you have re-thread the new by starting with the bridge, attaching the string and the working your way up to the headstock and eventually wrapping the string around a tuning peg. Once the string is in place, you can begin tuning the ukulele by tightening the string to the correct pitch. The string has to have enough tension so that the note can be heard. Too little and it is just flaccid- no recognizable sound can be distinguished when it is plucked. Too taut and the pitch is extremely high- no recognizable note and the string can easily snap. A correct tension provides the right note for the string.

While we can hear and see the correct tension for the ukulele’s string, how do we hear and see the correct tension in our own lives? I feel that this is something with which I will always struggle. How do we have just enough tension in our lives so that we are not too taut, or too flaccid, or too heavy on one-side or the other? Most importantly, how do we keep things balanced so that we do not snap and break?

I think that some of our tension is directly opposite in a binary tension and other types of tension are triangular.- three areas that need to be in concert with one another.

Some (of my random) Thoughts on Keeping a Healthy Tension:

• Equal amounts of things that need to be done against things that you want to do- tension of the reality of one’s responsibility and the potential for future endeavors.

• More positive thoughts than negative- tighten and focus more on affirmations (truth) over condemnations (lies). We talked about it before, keep the balance of three positive thoughts to outweigh one negative.

• Work and Play- that which we do to give to others (profession, vocation, volunteering) and that which we do to give to ourselves (recharge).

• Eat, Sleep, Move- the three foundations for good health. All work in concert of each other.

• Family, Friends, Faith- the tension of spending time in relationships- reaching out to others, reaching up towards God and reaching inside oneself- all to build healthy relationships and understanding. It is the upward and outward focus that helps keep things in perspective for me.

• Mind, Body and Spirit- If you don’t think that all three need to be balanced with each other- see how long it takes for one area to be problematic (e.g. minor illness like a cold) before the other areas are having difficulty (e.g. hard to think clearly with a cold).

• Embrace the things you have to do. Don’t fight the responsibilities. While things might seem heavily concentrated in one situation (in the throws of child care; elder care; big work project) most things do come to an end. The children grow up, the elderly parent passes away, the project gets completed. When I remember the long game, I keep things in perspective and don’t feel the weight of responsibilities so much. I also remember God’s faithfulness and mercy towards me in past situations and rely and trust in Him for my current predicaments. I remind myself: Enjoy the whole experience. Some day when it is over and if I am truly honest about the whole experience, I will miss even the difficult parts.

What about you? Are you carrying around false weight? What do you do to stay balanced in your life? Do you experience any tension? What does that look like?

The other thing that I have noticed about balance- the more I do it, the easier it becomes.

3-Legged Stool sitting

Full disclosure: This is not the stool my son made. I have his in our outside shed. Because all our summer equipment is in the shed, I couldn’t reach the stool to get it out for a picture. Perhaps I need to de-clutter….

Have you ever tried to sit on a three-legged stool? Our son once made a stool in art class. It was difficult to get the legs just right- enough of an angle to support the seat yet at the same time have the legs the correct length to keep the seat even. Placing anything on it, much less sitting on it was quite tricky.

I’ve been thinking about stools and balance lately. It seems that it is quite tricky to keep our lives in balance; we might get one part of our lives “in order” but as soon as we try sitting, we find that another portion is too short or too long and that we are unbalanced. It is then that we find ourselves being thrown from our position. Too much or too little is not a good thing.

Not only are there sometimes problems with the supports with the stool, but it also depends on what is placed on it. If there is something heavy or wiggly, the stool might not be supportive. They say that in days of old, bakers used to sit on stools as they tended to the bread. The stools purposely had one leg shorter than the other so that the baker had to be constantly adjusting his position in order to stay upright. If he fell asleep, he would fall off the stool and be woken up.

The three legs of the stool represent us: body, mind and spirit. When one aspect of our lives is underdeveloped, or short, we can experience an unbalance, tipping, falling over kind of situation. Our life can have so many heavy or wiggly situations. Without proper support, we cannot continue holding them up and are at danger of falling apart.

As we continue into the new year, here are some ideas to ponder. You might find that you need only to “shore up” one of the legs in preparation for whatever life situations may happen:

Body:

• Are you getting proper rest? Are you eating/drinking in moderation? Are you moving (not necessarily exercise) your body?

• Do you need to find out more information? Whether that is through “professionals” like doctors, counselors? Have you had a general check-up with your dentist? Eye doctor?

• How is your physical environment? Do you need to de-clutter? Do you have financial peace?

• Do you have enough energy to do the things you need to do? Carrying for your family members? Getting through the day?

Mind:

• When was the last time you learned something new? Have you ever shared your knowledge (of anything) with others?

• Are you curious? Have you ever done anything that takes you out of your comfort zone?

• What is your attitude about life? Are you grateful? Joyful? Bitter?

Spirit:

• What is your anxiety level? I have found that my anxiety is directly proportional to my desire for control. When I surrender my control of situations, my anxiety level dramatically decreases.

• Do you have a spiritual practice? Would you like to develop something new? Bible reading? Prayer? Fasting? Service for others? Solitude? Meditation?

• Is there something that is constantly weighing on your mind? Do you need to speak to a spiritual advisor? Counselor? Pastor?

• Do you have a mentor? Or are you a mentor of someone else?

One constant in life, is that it is constantly changing. Sometimes we find that we are being thrown off our stools. But just like the baker, it gives us an opportunity to wake up and make some adjustments. Many times it doesn’t have to be big, life-changing behavior. Sometimes it is a subtle, small new habit or attitude. But those small adjustments are what is needed at the time in order to thrive.

What about you? How is your stool sitting?

Weary Souls

Sick. And. Tired.

Have you ever felt the weight of each of those words? Sometimes we say it blurred together- “sickandtired”- as if it is just a common detail like a brown eyed girl. Other times, each word and its weariness weighs on us and we feel immobilized.

I have felt that immobilization numerous times, especially when I experienced caregiver burnout. The thought of one more step, one more answered phone call, one more request for help would set me right over the edge. The weight of those words could cause me to cry a river wherever I found myself. I was a weary soul.

Last week I felt the same overwhelming weariness as I was preparing for a weekly responsibility. I felt so sick and tired of the same old, same old. “How come I get stuck doing this?”, I grumbled to myself. I dragged myself to my meeting.

However once I got there I saw the eager and innocent faces of the people who were counting on me and I was stirred by compassion. “How can I grumble when these folks have so much need?”

It is not that I was being such a selfless individual. (I am far from that.) It was that God stirred compassion in my soul.

I was reminded of the time when Jesus “withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Jesus was trying to get away for a time but the crowd had followed him. The day became long and as this was a desolate place there were no places to “grab dinner”. Jesus miraculously supplied the food for the five thousand plus crowd, all with the blessing of five loaves and two fish. (Matthew 14: 13-21)

While there are other interpretations and devotionals about the feeding of the five thousand, what I like about this story is the hope that it provides and the relate-ability of Jesus. Jesus, in his humanity (Son of God/Son of Man) was weary. The story right before this one tells of the beheading of John the Baptist. Surely Jesus must’ve been sad and distressed about that- John was his cousin and precursor to Jesus’ ministry. I am sure that the human side of Jesus needed to get away.

“Can’t I go anywhere? Even when I pick a desolate place, they follow me.” Jesus doesn’t complain and say that, but I certainly would have. I wonder as He looked upon the needs of the crowds if He had a conversation with His father, “provide me with the strength I need for this task.”

In this story, God does provide. He provides strength and energy for the weary human-side of Jesus and He provides sustenance to the mass of humanity gathered.

It is so hard to have balance: balance between caring for ourselves and serving others. But it is so important to master that balance. For if we don’t we will suffer burnout- physically and mentally. Also others will experience burnout through the backlash of our bitterness.

Conversely, if we care for ourselves, we can care for others. The miracle of the bread and fish provided care for the crowd but it also provided resources for Jesus to meet those needs of the needy.

Are you bone weary? Sick. And. Tired? Do you find yourself day in, day out caring for a loved one or stuck in a place of service that you do not see any relief? Are you trying to manage it all by yourself?

Hang in there. Find someone to share your struggles- whether a listening ear or a tending hand. If you have the means, think about hiring someone to help for a short period of time. Take a break from volunteering. Say no to solicitations. You can always say that you are taking a sabbatical and ask that they reach out to you in six months.

Take time to meditate on the sayings of Jesus. What I love about the Matthew passage is the image of the yoke. I heard during a sermon once (thanks Sis) about the making of a yoke. It was made of wood and was tailored made for the specific oxen who was to wear it. The yoke would be planed, sanded and fitted exactly for that animal.

God knows each one of us intimately. He knows when we are weary and when we need rest.

1 Peter 5: 7: “Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.”

Galatians 6: 2: “Bear one another’s burdens…”

Matthew 11: 29, 30: “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Bouncing Back Like Bozo

I have been thinking a lot about the word resilience lately.  I guess it is the natural reaction when you hear about all the tragedy and problems of this world- whether it occurs in another part of the country or in your own home.  Resilience appears to be the key to moving forward in the face of difficulty, but what exactly is it? 

According to the American Psychological Association, "Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences."

It is not that we try to avoid or can avoid those difficult experiences because frankly we cannot.  Change, adversity and stress are givens in our lives.  It is not a question of if they will affect us but when?  And when they affect us do we adapt or handle it well? 

How to we prepare to handle these situations?  How do we develop resiliency? 

I think there are some basic foundational things we can do to be prepared and adapt to whatever possible  stress will happen.  I know that in my own life I can create additional stress by feeling disorganized, feeling that I have too much to do in too little time, or by being physically ill or tired. 

I think a good way to prepare for stress is to have foundational elements in place in our lifestyle.  Kind of like the old Bozo the Clown Bop Bags- those free standing inflatable bags that are weighted on the bottom.  You can hit and punch it and it falls over but it always comes springing back to the upright position. Sure, we will have onslaughts in our lives but by practicing crucial lifestyle elements we can withstand the pummeling and bounce back to center. 

The first is to be as healthy as you can be. That includes exercise, diet, sleep, balance of taking time for yourself and time for others.  Years ago a work acquaintance shared that she had a brain tumor.  It was benign but she had to go through surgeries and some follow up care nonetheless.  She did quite well in her recovery and attributed it to being as healthy as she can be.  "Who knows if I hadn't exercised or eaten well all these years what would've been discovered instead?"

I think too to my post op recovery for my surgery.  I have been told that what I had done is one of the most painful procedures a person can experience but I was able to get through it.  My healing has been pretty fast.  I don't think that it is because I have any special healing super powers but because I am pretty healthy and am used to regular exercise and a good diet.   Of course, these last couple of weeks I haven't been able to pursue the exercise as much but the foundations were there.  In a sense, I have been pummeled but have been able to come back to center. 

If you feel that you are not overall healthy, why not?  Has something prevented you in the past?  Can you start making small changes?

Start by looking at your current practices:  Do you exercise? How much soda and sugar laden beverages or food do you ingest?  Do you eat out a lot?  How many fruits and veggies to you take in each day?  How much sleep do you get? Do you feel drained caring for others?  When was the last time you did something for yourself? What brings you joy? Do you volunteer or help others on a regular basis? Does that bring you joy? 

As we have talked about before, making changes in our routine can be difficult.  Start out small. Plan to incorporate one or two ideas each week.  Remember that your goal is to be as healthy as you can.

• Exercise: Walk around your block before dinner, use steps instead of the elevator, do arm exercises, sit ups or march in place during commercial breaks while watching television, do one errand without using the car (bike, walk or run to do it). 
• Food: Buy some clementines or apples and leave in a bowl on your counter- reminder to eat healthy snacks. Or any other fresh fruit or veggie. Swap out white flour products for whole wheat. Prepare for the afternoon munchies by having pre-measured cut up carrots and humus, nuts or popcorn as a work snack.  Put away the candy dish and give away the extra Halloween candy. If the break room at work is too tempting this time of year, avoid going in.  Plan to not bring into your home anything sugary or prepared with more than five ingredients. Drink a glass of water before snacking. 
• Sleep: Try to get an extra 1/2 hour of sleep each night.  If you cannot commit to that for seven days in a row, try getting some extra winks three nights/week. 
• Balance:  Figure out what brings you joy and what you love to do. Write in your calendar specific times when you can practice that activity.  Look around your family, community, and work for opportunities to help others.  It might be writing encouraging notes, driving an elderly person to the store, volunteering at a school, listening and keeping in touch with many friends or a myriad of other opportunities.  Helping others is only limited by our imaginations. Schedule these times on your calendar too.  A good rule of thumb- make sure that you have just as many outings for yourself as you do for others. 

What about you?  Do you bounce back like Bozo?  Have you developed some basic healthy practices to help?  What works for you? 

Perfect Day

Black-Eyed Susan from our yard.  Sadly, our shade prevents the sunflowers from blooming.  This is the closest yellow flower I have. 

Weather wise, today is a perfect day.  The air has finally lost its cloying stickiness of humidity but it does not have the crisp autumnal air yet.  It is as if the air is just in a mellow mood.

The sun is still bright and warm.  You don't have to look very hard to find the warm sunny spot as you have to do in the dead of winter. When I am outside, my skin feels the way it does on evenings after a day at the beach; the pleasant sensation of  cool evening breezes skimming over a taut somewhat sunburned face.  At this time of year, I don't need to wait until evening;  the day breeze immediately cools down my warmed skin.  I half expect to taste some salt on my lips. 

I love this transitional time between summer and fall weather.  Technically it is still summer but the days and weather lean more to the fall-ish side.  It is the day of sunflowers, chrysanthemums and gathering of acorns yet it is still the day of hydrangeas, sunshine, and sandals. 

I love the unhurried pace of the day.  It makes me want to achieve things but also to just sit back and enjoy whatever I am doing.  No time pressure.  No feeling of "hurry up and wait." Just a good balance of work, play and create.  It is a perfect day for all of it.  The sweet juxtaposition of doing and being; the active fall and the languishing summer. 

It reminds me of the month leading up to our wedding.  Just before it, I had an accident at work- slipped on a freshly waxed floor and landed right on my backside.  I was told to go home and rest for a couple of days. Even though the wedding date was looming, I found those days were wonderful. I could lounge in bed reading books.  A co-worker loaned me all of her D.E. Stevenson books and I was in heaven, reading about the trials and tribulations of everyday life in England and Scotland.  I was transported. 

It seems to me that the quality of today's air is like it was twenty-seven years ago. When I feel it, I am transported to a place where I feel mellow.  Like the country song says, "no shoes, no shirt, no problems." (except of course, the shirt!)

Every year, in September and October I look forward to days like today. I wish I could bottle it, but then I wonder if it would be as special?  When days like this come around, do I squander it or do I thoroughly enjoy each moment?  And, do I have to wait until my surroundings, e.g. the air and sun quality, are just right in order to feel this peace?  If I cannot bottle those qualities, can I still achieve this mellow feeling without it? 

Underlying the perfect day is a feeling of hope, expectation, possibilities and a future. Certainly those were some of my feelings leading up to our wedding.  If those are the qualities of a perfect day, why cannot each day be perfect?  

What about you?  Do certain times of the year speak to your heart?  When is it?  Why is it?  Is it a time of remembrance?  A time of hope?  A time of peace? 

Certainly Jesus promises us a peace that passes all understanding. When we trust Him, we do have a perfect day of hope, expectation, possibilities and a future. 

Permission- Saying Yes

Last week  there was a comment on Friday's post.  In essence the reader asked for advice on how to begin doing the things she would like to do, now that her kids are grown, etc.  

Tough question.  I answered as honestly as I could and how I would approach the issue, but I felt that my tone might have been too preachy.  Not that I meant to be because I certainly don't have any answers. I am just traveling along this journey beside each one of you. 

Over the weekend I have been thinking a lot about that question. How do we go about fulfilling long lost dreams or suppressed wants and try to live a life that we are called to live and that we want to live? 

For many of us it is not that we cannot do the physical requirements for achieving what we want, i.e. running/walking to prepare for a 5 K, reducing the number of sweets in our diet, cleaning up a room, spending time reading or planning a trip,  but it is that we have to overcome the voices in our head.  When we dwell on activities or plans that would benefit us we think we are not worth it.   We think, "I can't justify spending this time on me."  and so we stop any self-improvement, achievement of goals, or even thinking about what we want to do.  

I think it is especially hard for women.  As much as we are independent and assertive, we seem to have a predilection for putting others' needs before ours.  Not that that trait is a bad thing per se. It is very admirable and one that I do not want to lose. 

However I think it causes us much consternation, anxiety and strife. 

We have to learn how to balance our needs and the needs of those around us.  It means being honest about ourselves and saying that we are not going to hide behind the excuse, "Oh, I can't do that now because I haven't earned that right or that I am not worth it or that I have to take care of ... (fill in the blank)." When I am honest with myself, I think I have hidden behind the excuse of caring for others instead of taking the risk and doing that which would make me happy, fulfilled and ultimately worthwhile and beneficial for others.

I think working our way out of the head battle is to start by giving ourselves permission: permission to explore what is our calling, our passion, our interests and our goals. 

This month, I am going to try and explore this idea. I have a pretty good idea of my calling, passion and interests, yet I find myself always putting those things on the back burner. I am giving myself permission to find some time to either work on those perennial goals that have been hanging over my head for years or decide to lay them to rest once and for all and move on. 

In order to do this, I am experimenting with posting only one blog per week ( although I might put some extras out there)  so that I can explore the other items on my list.  I am trying to see about balancing my responsibilities and my needs/wants- taking care of others while I am trying to take care of myself.  

I don't think that the choice is an either/or equation. It cannot be mutually exclusive. I cannot completely stop doing some of my responsibilities nor can I only do them to the exclusion of what makes me tick.  But I can try and cut back on certain things so that I can have a little more room in my schedule to explore this notion. 

I am giving myself permission to say yes to things that would "benefit" me.  

What about you?  Do you feel the angst and anxiety of trying to satisfy much responsibility? Do you do so at the exclusion of caring and doing things for yourself?  What would it look like if you had a good balance between the two?  Can you let go of somethings and take on others?  

For the month of August will you join me as we explore this idea of balance in one's life?  Of finding a life that reflects our gifts, passions, talents and also reflects our care for others and our responsibilities.

Let us know how you are progressing in the comments section below.   

Do You Appreciate Sunsets?

Sunset on Cape Cod Bay. 

One thing about vacation, we are definitely outside more.  We have the good fortune to stay in a place that has a lovely deck.  We eat all our meals out there- breakfast, lunch and dinner.  If we are not eating at home, we will choose to sit outside at a restaurant (dependent upon the weather) or picnic al fresco. 

Where we vacation has wonderful sunsets over the beach so we are encouraged to get outside to witness them.  

Why do we take the time to appreciate our surroundings only during vacation?  Why not every day or at least a couple times a week?  

Just as I do not think extremes work for the human condition- whether it is extremes in diet or exercise- so too do I think we should not be extreme in our lifestyles.  We shouldn't be all about play or all about work.  As they say, we need to stop and smell the roses.  With that analogy, it doesn't say stop and spend all day in the rose garden, but rather stop and take a little time to appreciate your surroundings. 

A vacation is a gift of time- almost as if time could be parceled out and with a vacation one doesn't have to worry about wasting it.  One usually doesn't have any major responsibilities during a vacation.  I like to use the time of vacation to reflect on my goals and to see where I have been and where I am going.  If I have veered off course, this is a good time of reflection to get back on track. It is a good time to plan for future changes and tweaks in my lifestyle. 

For instance, I want to be more intentional with the balance of work and play. I realize that I am feeling stressed with trying to get everything accomplished in one day. If I just parceled out what I need to accomplish in smaller chunks during the day and throughout the week, I would enjoy all that I have to do.  No longer would I be pushing from one "to-do" task to another.  I would have to time to appreciate sunsets more. 

What about you?  Have you noticed your surroundings?  How do you balance all that you have to do in a day?  Do you find that you are rushing from one event to another without any clue on how each event went?  Have you seen the sunset lately?   

Well Balanced

Would you want to end up like this?

This past week we have experienced some very windy conditions.  The wind comes in these great gusts that turn the leaves of the trees inside out.  There are many fallen branches and leaf debris on the sidewalks, streets and in the gutters.  In the corner of our front garden is a fifteen year old butterfly bush.  I have pruned it over the years but I must admit, not very well.  Consequently it is about 10 feet tall with an umbrella-like branch structure emerging from a gnarly wooded trunk.  When I say umbrella-like, it is more like one of those discarded umbrellas found pushed up against fences in alleys- opened on one side and half bent on the other. 

The thing is, in looking at the bush, it appeared to be fine.  Sure, it didn't have complete symmetry but that created some interest.  Unfortunately I never realized how precarious the bush was.  I didn't realize how much my inept pruning was weakening the plant. 

It was only when I was out watering when I thought it seemed strange that the white hydrangea bush (which was under the butterfly bush) was looking squashed.  Turns out the entire butterfly bush was blown over in the wind storms.  It was just barely hanging on the the trunk by a small connection.  The only thing I could do to "save" the bush was to cut through the tear and hope that I didn't cut back too much of the bush. 

The bush was unbalanced hence it didn't have the ability to withstand the mighty winds.  

What a great metaphor for our lives: when we are not balanced in our life we are easily toppled over.  Some of the things that we do might not appear to be weakening our lives (like my asymmetrical pruning) and in fact might look okay.  It is only when conditions change, generally beyond our control, and the storms of life toss us to and fro that we realize being off balanced puts our survival, aka sanity, in jeopardy. 

Our lives end up looking like the discarded umbrella- not much good to anyone let alone ourselves. 

I have been feeling unbalanced with my schedule lately-spending too much time with certain endeavors while neglecting others. It makes me feel anxious and agitated.  I am in no position to be productive for anyone else let alone myself.   When I receive a flurry of requests of my time, I feel like I will just collapse under the weight and force of the appeal for my time. 

What about you?  How balanced is your life? Do you feel that you are leaning in one direction over another?  Is it a temporary situation or has it become so gradual that it is now a permanent feature in your life?  How can you recover balance?   Do you need to prune some things out of your life: saying no to things that are taking over in your schedule?  Do you need to say yes to other things in order to allow that "side" of you to grow? 

I don't know about you, but I don't want my life to become like the discarded umbrella. I want to become a person who is strong, steady, resilient and useful.