Moving Lessons

One of the reasons that I have scaled back my weekly postings is that at the end of this month my husband and I will be moving out of state. For the near future, I have to focus on the move, saying good-bye to people, and finishing up job deadlines. (Hence, my on-the-5th-of-each month posting.)

It is quite a bittersweet time for us. Except for four years at college, my husband has lived all his life in Maryland and the majority of those years, he has lived less than 2 miles from his boyhood home. I have lived in Maryland my whole adult life, coming here for college at seventeen and not leaving. It is a great little state. It has four seasons, (though to be honest, sometimes it feels like winter, 1 day of spring, then summer, 1 day of fall then back to winter), beaches, mountains, small towns, a large city with diverse neighborhoods. It has a rich history, wonderful higher educational centers and world renowned health care. Even so, we have felt the increasing pull of New England.

I have been thinking about why people move. According to The Joint Center for Housing Studies at Harvard University-

Ahh. If only we had just one box to worry about. Alas, our home is filled with many. Prospective homes might be staged in “shades of grey”, but our current home is decorated ala cardboard.

“People move for a variety of reasons, but the most common motivator is housing. According to the CPS [Current Population Survey of US Census Bureau], which contains a question about the primary motivation for moving, 40 percent of movers did so for housing-related reasons in 2019, 27 percent moved for family-related reasons, 21 percent for job-related reasons, and 12 percent for other reasons. This breaks down differently by type of move, however. Local moves are primarily motivated by housing, but long-distance moves are primarily motivated by jobs. The only exception is for older Americans, who make long-distance moves for family-related reasons more than job-related reasons.” *

In 2021, 27.1 million Americans moved or about 8.4% of the population. In 1998 approximately 16% of the American population moved. It is interesting that the percentage is down given our portable, digital world. Work can dictate where we live but ever increasingly that is changing. One thing we learned with the pandemic is that with modern technology, one can live anywhere. “Digital nomads” I have heard it coined. Family obligations can also determine where we live. We stayed in our area longer than originally planned because we were caring for our respective parents.

Staying here has its benefits: our home, our relationships, our church, our activities, our work and our routines are all familiar and comfortable. Moving disrupts everything- our work schedules and planned activities. Extra time is needed in readying one’s house for sale, the decisions of what and what not to pack, packing and the working out of the logistics in the move. There is nothing familiar or comfortable about our home right now. “Where is the (fill in the blank)? one of us will ask. “Packed.” will come the reply.

For us, the decision to move was practical. We weighed our family (our sons and respective families will probably end up in the North East), our jobs (we do have flexibility to work from home), our interests (we want to be able to travel to our beach house but also be close to a city for mass transit, health care, education and fine art) and most importantly to be ready for what we feel God is calling us to do in the next couple of decades we have left to live. (God willing, if we are so blessed.)

Most times I am not a particularly patient person. I don’t even like to walk up steps- I tend to run up or down, impatient to get to the next level.

This move has brought me to a whole new level of learning about patience or rather, contentment with each day. While we were able to sell our home quite quickly, finding the next place to live has been a challenge. The housing market is tough for buyers at this point. But I have such an incredible feeling of peace that the right house is there, we just have to wait for God’s timing. I am content with each day as it unfolds: whether it is a day of packing, lunch with friends or looking at homes.

One thing I have observed is that I am learning to live in the moment. Because we do not have a new home yet, I cannot plan or think about the future. My only concern is what unfolds each day: writing, packing, spending time with friends, chatting with neighbors, walking the dog. I haven’t stopped planning per se, (too much of a list-maker/planner, not to have some ideas), but I really cannot spend too much time doing that. What I have noticed is that when folks gather, there tends to be a focus on discussing future plans rather than what they are actually doing at that moment. I wonder, how much time do we spend planning future activities and not enjoying the current day’s activities? I get it. If you never make plans, you most likely will not have future activities. But, shouldn’t there be a balance? Jesus reminded us that we need not be anxious for tomorrow that there is enough to be concerned about for today. I think the reminder is not only for things that cause anxiety and troubles but also on our day-to-day focus.

Some Moving Lessons Learned:

  • If you have five minutes, pack something.

  • Don’t put off spending time with anyone, thinking that time will come around again. It very rarely does.

  • Paint the inside of your closet first. (or storage cabinet or any type of storage unit. Once the area gets filled, you will never paint it again.)

  • As careful as you may be with packing and moving, inevitably something will get broken. While it can be upsetting, at the end of the day they are just things.

  • Remember the feeling of freedom in the staged home so that the new home doesn’t become as cluttered as the old.

  • As much as the new home may be exciting and fresh, you are still moving the same junk, the same attitude, the same you into the home. Same contents, new packaging.

  • “A man’s (woman’s) heart plans the way, but the Lord determines his (her) steps.”

What about you? Have you ever moved? From where to where? For what reason? What lessons have you learned along the way?

When they list stressful life events, moving is one of the top ones. Sure, it can be nerve-wracking and troublesome. We have been incredibly blessed during this move- we recognize that we are fortunate in that we have options but it has still been tough. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and practice contentment as we wait for the next chapter in our lives. I’ll keep you all posted as to where we “land”.

*https://www.jchs.harvard.edu/blog/who-is-moving-and-why-seven-questions-about-residential-mobility

Holy Week

Today as it is in the middle of Holy Week, I thought I would leave you with a painting:

The Virgin with Child and Saints Jerome and Dominic by Filippino Lippi.

In our small group, we are studying The Prayer Course by Pete Greig (prayercourse.org). For me, it comes as a timely reminder about prayer and ways to deepen my prayer life.

This last week, Pete shared the story of this painting. As it hung in the National Gallery, it was considered “second rate” for the artist, as the perspective seemed to be off. It was not until an art critic knelt down before the painting and looked up at it, did they realize that the painting was meant to be hung as an altar piece and so, the viewer would be looking up. In viewing the painting that way, the perspective came into perfect alignment.

I love that reminder, that I need to look up at times. To see the bigger perspective in my life, in the life of others and in the world. As Pete Greig also reminded- we need to look at life through a telescope rather than a microscope: focus on the bigger, broader, Godly things rather than our small, minute and quite frankly, sometimes self-centered things.

What about you? Do you need a new perspective this Holy Week? Do you find yourself looking too much inward? How about changing your perspective by looking up? I know that I am attempting that each and every day.

I am not there yet, but I pray that the more I keep my eyes looking upward, the perspective in my life will come into perfect alignment.

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

This past week the radio announcer was talking about The Human Library Project. Founded in Denmark by two brothers and some colleagues, “Menneskebiblioteket” as it is called in Danish, is a place where a “reader” can check out a “human” book. During a certain amount of time, one person, “the reader” listens to the story of another, “the book”. Generally it is a story with which the reader is unfamiliar and perhaps has pre-conceived or pre-judged ideas. The idea of the program is that when we hear someone’s story we are more likely to reassess our stereotype of people and “unjudge” them.

The Human Library® is, in the true sense of the word, a library of people. We host events where readers can borrow human beings serving as open books and have conversations they would not normally have access to. Every human book from our bookshelf, represent a group in our society that is often subjected to prejudice, stigmatization or discrimination because of their lifestyle, diagnosis, belief, disability, social status, ethnic origin etc. (From the Human Library website: https://humanlibrary.org/about/)

What is your story? Where would your book be on the Dewey Decimal shelf of life?

What a concept: spending time with a person to listen to their story in a safe setting. In some ways it is sad that we have to have an organized arrangement to learn to listen to people who might have a different point of view or lifestyle than ourselves. Reminds me of the person for hire who will walk with you and consequently listen to you. The paid walker is what we would call a really good friend.

Our recently deceased friend was a great reader- not so much of books but of people. As many said, “he never knew a stranger.” He was genuinely interested in listening to others and in hearing their stories. As we have been thinking about him and his interests, we realized his hobby was people: getting to know them, introducing different people who might not normally intersect and providing such warm hospitality that being in his presence made one feel safe and loved.

To be a good reader of books, one has to actually read books. Most people don’t just dive into English literature when they start to read. It is a process starting with easy book and gradually tackling the tougher ones like heavy literature or scientific tomes. Either way, it takes practice and in doing so, one becomes a good reader.

Similarly, it takes practice to become a good human “reader”. Sometimes it is trial and error to know the right questions to ask another in order to draw out their story. We might experience an awkwardness in our attempts to either tell our story or listen to another’s. But, practice we must with listening and telling, because each one of us has a story. Some stories might be quite dramatic while others more predictable. Some might seem like fantasy or technical exposes. Regardless of how they may be written, each of us has our own story to tell and can only be told in our own way.

What about you? Have you ever had a chance to “read” someone? To listen to their story? How did that make you feel? Connected to that person? Entrusted with their personal story? Change the way you thought of them? Have you ever been the book- shared your story with others? How did that make you feel? Vulnerable? Scared? Connected?

Sometimes I think that the more we let the facade of facebook or instagram be our stories, the more we obfuscate our true selves. We are allowing the computer algorithms to divide us into categories. We don’t have the chance to personally interact with one another and in doing so, make a discovery. For instance, in talking to the person we may pass on the street, we might serendipitously discover that we have a common interest. Shared interests bind people and communities together.

I haven’t been to our local library in a while. When I used to go, I would go home with an armful of books- some familiar topics and some completely new ones. It is always the book that I “just picked up” that would give me food for thought and inspiration. I imagine that is what a human library is all about.

Breathing Exercises

“Lead with the breath”, instructed the online yoga teacher. It’s a common reminder in yoga. In order to do any of the positions/poses, one needs to remember to breathe. When one is having difficulty maintaining a balance pose, the first reminder is to keep breathing. For something that is involuntary, it is interesting how often when we are under “pressure”, in this example trying to maintain focus so we don’t wobble, breathing is forgotten. Many times when we are under stress we tense our shoulders and hold our breath.

I thought of other times we are instructed to breathe. In getting any type of x-ray, one is told, “Hold it. Okay breathe.” We are instructed to take deep slow breaths when we feel the fast and shallow hyperventilation that can accompany feeling distraught or anxious. We are reminded to breathe during pain. For instance, in child birth, the point of Lamaze is to breathe short, quick breaths through the contraction.

Breathing through pain always reminds me of a dear friend’s story. When his wife was pregnant, they dutifully took Lamaze classes and learned to breathe during labor, especially important during the final stages of strong contractions. Unfortunately, when the time came for the baby to be born, the wife had a very long labor which did not progress in a timely fashion. She had to have a Caesarean section, so they did not have any opportunity to use the breathing methods. However, many years later when he had a kidney stone, he remembered the short, quick Lamaze breathing which helped him with his kidney pain.

The benefits of breathing affect all body systems: natural painkiller, improves blood flow, lowers blood pressure, improves immunity, calms anxiety, improves posture, improves sleep, improves digestion, stimulates lymphatic system, detoxifies the body, reduces inflammation, increases energy level, and relaxes body and mind.

The idea of deep breathing is nothing new. Between 1830-1860 George Catlin, an attorney turned painter visited over 150 million tribal people in North, Central and South America to paint and study their cultures. He discovered that the Native Americans who did not adopt any western traditions or lifestyle behaviors, were far healthier than western society. Part of the reason, he surmised, was that they were nose (not mouth) breathers which in turn allowed them to take deeper breaths and thus reduce many ailments. *(Click here for an interesting read on his findings.)

It is interesting that not only leading with the breath is such a necessary action for our physical survival but breath is also elemental to our spiritual existence. From the beginning of humankind it was all about the breath: God breathed life into Adam. In both Old and New Testaments as well as the Quran, breath is considered God’s Spirit. Almost all of the Eastern religions speak about breathing for life, healing and existence. Breathing is, in a primitive way, quite mysterious. While we can see the chest rise and fall, we don’t see what is actually entering the body. We may know the anatomy and physiology of how oxygen is transported to the cells, yet we do not feel the internal movement or exchange happening on the cellular level. No wonder most ancient cultures treated the breath as something sacred.

I need to remember to breathe some days. I find that especially true when I have a lot of decisions, activities, responsibilities pulling me hither and yon. Situations that can topple me if I do not stay focused with one thing at a time and remember to physically breathe.

One of the pieces of equipment that was (maybe still is?) regularly doled out in any hospital stay was the incentive spirometer. It is a plastic breathing tube with a cylinder attached containing a moveable marker-either a ball or plunger, so that one could see how far one’s inspiration could move the marker. It is used to incentivize the patient to breathe deeply- getting the oxygen deep into the air sacs of one’s lungs in order to prevent stasis which could lead to pneumonia as well as increased oxygen to promote overall body healing. A very simple apparatus but critical in preventing further complications to one’s healing.

Generally, no one uses an incentive spirometer outside of the hospital (or maybe for a few days/weeks post hospitalization). Yet, I am wondering if it is not a bad idea to have one as a visual reminder to lead with the breath in all our activities. Starting our day? Breathe. Feeling overwhelmed at work? Breathe. Nervous before a test? Breathe. Sluggish? Breathe. Difficulty concentrating? Breathe. Anxious about a meeting? Breathe. Pain when moving? Breathe. Click here for simple deep breathing exercises. or here.

What about using one as a visual reminder for our spiritual breathing? Before we do anything else, how much are we leading with spiritual breathing? I do feel that our emotional side, just like our physical beings are tied to our spiritual breath. God’s breath can benefit me when I am being emotionally and spiritually pulled hither and yon. If I do not stay focused on what God has called me to do and on God’s promises, I can be toppled by a world gone crazy. There are plenty of stories, activities and choices that can pull me down if I do not continue to breathe in God’s goodness and grace. Just like the meter that gets higher and higher the more we practice with the physical spirometer, we can continue to practice filling ourselves with God’s spirit as we breathe in His word into our lives and as we trust Him to “oxygenate” every cell in our being.

What about you? Do you practice deep breathing? If so, when? Have you ever been toppled physically, emotionally or spiritually from “shallow” breath? What can you do to increase your breathing capacity? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually?

“Lead with the breath.”

Not a bad suggestion for life.

Breathe on me, Breath of God. Edwin Hatch. 1878

Breathe on me, Breath of God, Fill me with life anew, That I may love what Thou dost love, And do what Thou wouldst do.

Breathe on me, Breath of God, Until my heart is pure, Until with Thee I will one will, To do and to endure.

Breathe on me, Breath of God, Till I am wholly Thine, Until this earthly part of me Glows with Thy fire divine.

Breathe on me, Breath of God, So shall I never die, But live with Thee the perfect life Of Thine eternity.

Time Suck*- an inefficient or unproductive activity, process, etc.; a waste of time.

On a recent Sunday the sermon challenged us to look at the things to which we are devoted. If one has trouble thinking about it, consider: What does our calendar look like? What does our budget (or checking account) look like? What does our internet history look like? Those questions can help us determine where we spend our time, money and attention.

I have been thinking about that lately. I realize that while I do need to tweak some of my time management as well as managing our budget a little better, the biggest area I need to address is my internet history. Nothing shocking but just time wasters. Do I really need to know that Sidney Poitier was tone deaf and his singing was dubbed in Lilies of the Field? How will it help my life’s purpose to have watched on youtube an old Password game featuring Gary Morton, Lucille Ball and children, Lucie and Desi Jr (Though it was funny to watch the reactions of the children. Lucie Arnaz is a typical preteen! And it was rather nice to see Gary Morton stand when any of the ladies stood up.)

So, if I am spending too much time with time wasters, where would I like to direct my time? More importantly, am I listening to where God wants me to direct my time?

I must admit I do not read nearly as much as I want to, nor do I enjoy my home as much as I could. Sitting in our living room and reading an engaging novel is too infrequent. A couple years ago I had a volunteer church meeting on our screened porch. One of the attendees was very complimentary about our home decor noting it was very inviting for gathering. I realized that we did have options for seating yet I couldn’t remember the last time I actually sat down to enjoy any of the spaces.

I am wondering if I got rid of the time suckers would I then have more wiggle room in my schedule? Would I be in a better position to be available for whatever God would have me do? I have finally come to the conclusion and the acceptance that, no matter what schedule I may have planned for the day, week, month or even year- it is always changing.

Since interruptions are a given, I should allow the rest of the time to be more focused on what I want and need to do. Or in other words, if I removed the wasted time in my schedule, the unplanned activities would fit in nicely.

What about you? In what areas do you struggle- time, money, attention? How would you like to manage them?

Lord, today is a new day- full of possibilities. As our day unfolds, help us to be disciplined in the areas that we need to do yet foremost, help us to be open and flexible to the areas that You need us to do. Amen.

* Just writing the word, “suck” makes me think of a scene from the BBC period drama, Cranford staring all those you know and love from the UK: (One could argue that the drama alone is a time suck- oh the irony.)

“THE ENIGMA OF THE ORANGE

Miss Deborah Jenkyns has very definite views on many aspects of everyday life. One should not, for example, mention the word "poverty" out loud. But what about the delicate operation known as "eating an orange"? She and her sister Matty had to maintain their decorum when consuming the fruit with Mary, a fresh-faced newcomer to Cranford. The hapless Mary made the mistake of admitting she liked to suck out the juice through a hole in the rind, and Deborah was quite simply horrified by the revelation.

"My sister does not care for the expression 'suck'," Matty explained. "It is altogether too redolent of a ritual undertaken by little babies." After this appalling transgression in vocabulary, Deborah announced that they had no other option but to "repair to our rooms and consume our fruit in solitude". Quite right too.” (https://drama.uktv.co.uk/cranford/article/cranfords-battiest-moments/)