Letters of Appreciation
A recent thank-you note that I received. Not only were the words inside heart-warming, but I also loved the thought-y card of many of my favorite childhood books.
There is something about our human condition that we like to have remembrances and special days. In ancient times, special days were connected to corporate religious events. Although in ancient Egypt and Greece, there is record of celebrating individual birthdays.
In modern times, we have taken the special days to new levels. Every day, every week and every month has some sort of intentional recognition. For instance, February is Black History Month, March is Women’s History Month, April 22nd is Earth Day, etc. Some days are necessary and interesting- highlighting areas of life that need to be recognized. Some days are silly and fun. (National Welsh Corgi Day- March 1st). Special days are part of business practices- think Google’s daily doodles honor people and events or holiday sales and specials.
There is World Book Day coming up in April. Although in the UK, today, March 7th is World Book day, highlighting books for children and young people. (https://www.worldbookday.com/celebrate-world-book-day/).
On a website dedicated to keeping track of all the special days of the year (https://www.daysoftheyear.com), this week has been slated “write a letter of appreciation” week. The point is to reach out to someone you know and write- physically, with pen and paper, in (if you have can) nice handwriting- a letter to someone who means something to you- whether they have inspired you, for whom you are grateful, or just want to say thank you.
From the website:
History of Write a Letter Appreciation Week
Since 2011, Write a Letter of Appreciation Week has been a holiday that encourages people to write letters instead of texts and emails, saying thank you and whatever emotional sentiment comes to mind. Writing letters makes the writer more considerate of the words chosen, helps the writer pay attention to their grammar, and even encourages better hand-writing.
While cursive writing is still taught in schools, many forget about cursive due to today’s technology, and the goal of this holiday is to give people a better option to write personal letters that show appreciation for the ones you love.
Write a Letter Appreciation Week gives people the time to write a letter to anyone, whether it be for parents, relatives, teachers, coworkers, or anyone who has inspired greatness in others.
The holiday is about giving to others the words that cannot be communicated through speech or bought gifts. It’s about giving from the heart – a letter meant to pour all words of appreciation onto a piece of paper.
Ever since our boys left home and went to college, their father has sent them handwritten letters. John alternates a letter to each boy every week to ten days. While there is nothing profoundly written, the letters do contain a history of what has happened in our family. Many letters, John is encouraging them in one way or another. Sometimes John receives a letter in return, sometimes it seems as if the notes have gone into the ether. Whether or not the guys appreciate the notes (I suspect they do), we don’t know, although they have kept the notes. Some of their response letters to John to have contained words of appreciation for us and our parenting (which is always a pleasant surprise to receive).
I think it is important in this day and age of online vitriol content, that we take time to think of those people who have made a difference in our lives- whether large or small. When we start appreciating the people around us, we start noticing other areas of good work- small kindnesses of strangers. When we are humble and thankful of the good gifts that we have, we begin to grow a mindset of gratitude.
There are many stories in the Bible of Jesus healing. Once, when Jesus was traveling between Samaria and Galilee, ten lepers see Him and call, “Jesus! Master! Have pity on us.” Jesus tells them to go and show themselves to a priest. (A priest was the one who would approve if a leper’s skin had improved and thus be able to join the community). Immediately the lepers are healed, yet only one returns back to Jesus to thank Him. (Luke 17: 11-19)
I was always struck by that story as a child. I guess because my mother instilled the value of thanking others- whether that was verbally or in the form of a note- and to appreciate what others may have done for me or my loved ones.
What about you? Have you ever written a note of appreciation to someone? How was it received? Have you ever received a note of appreciation? How did that make you feel?
So this week- why not dust of your old writing implement and find a piece of paper. Write a note of appreciation to someone you know. Maybe even write a note of appreciation to someone you don’t know. (I am thinking of your letter carrier, grocery store clerk, school bus driver?)
Wouldn’t it be cool to start an appreciation campaign in your neighborhood? That one word of kindness could turn into another, and so on and so on…?
WE ARE HERE
Scenes from a small village. On our morning dog walk.
Well, almost. My husband comes up tomorrow having lived with our one son for almost a month while he worked at the main office in Virginia and I organized the new digs here in New England.
Hard to believe that this is our home now. Seems unreal.
Actually, everything in life seems unreal. I look back and cannot believe that the world shut-down for a pandemic. I cannot believe that our parents are gone. I cannot believe that we no longer live in Maryland. As I drive to do errands around town, many of the state roads traverse over I-95. I look through the bridge fencing to the interstate below and think, “I used to drive by here all the time. Now I live here.”
This has been a journey of faith and it makes me think of the different journeys taken by those mentioned in the Bible: Abraham, Moses, Rebecca, Ruth, Mary and Joseph, Paul, Peter - to name a few. The stories tell of their triumphs and failures but are condensed into “highlight reels”. Of course they have to be condensed because if every day-to-day detail was mentioned, the Bible would be too heavy to lift. As is true of all of our lives, the majority of our time is made up of mundane, day-to-day happenings with the occasional excitement/crisis/memorable activity thrown in.
I am always intrigued by what is NOT mentioned in the Bible. Those mundane thoughts of the Hebrew people. Sure, we have the Psalms and Lamentations which mention the honest feelings of the writers, but I still want to know- how did they feel during a run-of-the-mill type day when they were tired and had so much to do?
I think of Ruth: As Ruth traveled with her mother-in-law to Judah, did she ever wonder, why didn’t I stay back in Moab? As she had to glean for their sustenance when arriving in her new homeland was she exhausted? Did she ever complain to Naomi that this was hard or wished she could speak to her sister-in-law back in Moab about the trip? With each story mentioned in the Bible, I wonder about the times when, even though they knew they were following God’s guidance, they still felt at sea?
There has been times when I have felt at sea- little hiccups along this journey. Nothing major and certainly there have been enough “fall into place” events to validate that this is exactly where God wants us. However, there are times when the spirit is willing (to believe), but the flesh is all too weak (and tired) to feel anything but despair- Why did we move? This is sooo overwhelming….
It is in times like these that I have found myself saying three things: God would not lead us here to abandon us; God is in the details; God is working (even if I do not feel/see it). I also have been having to intentionally (and literally) call out the blessings of the day as I walk the dog: good weather, friendly neighbors, beautiful vistas, etc. I have to remind myself to “look up”- enjoying the beautiful sky and asking for perspective.
It has helped. I still get overwhelmed. I think the day that the movers delivered all our stuff almost put me over the edge. I realized that I was experiencing decision overload. I knew how it would be with movers- when they come in with their load they want to know exactly where it is going. Since we are having the rooms painted, I didn’t want to set too many boxes in the appropriate rooms, but I also didn’t want too many in the basement because we are having work down there too. My intention was to have the boxes stored in the 2 sheds in the backyard. So much for that. Even though I thought I was prepared, the movers kept coming and coming, “Ma’am, where do you want this? How about this?” It was a rapid fire, split-second decision process where I finally kept saying- “Basement. Just put it in the basement.” I felt like Scarlet O’Hara- “I’ll think about that tomorrow…”
Not only has the whole process been plan, new plan, re-plan, new plan again and again, but I have also had to think about the future work we are having done. I have been trying to coordinate that to be as efficient for our and the worker’s time, but it is exhausting.
Even so…
All is well. Come Saturday we will be together with ALL our stuff under one roof and it is just a matter of time to put items away. I realize that we are extremely fortunate to have resources (time, budget and good workman) so that we can switch gears when the plans change. Many people do not have that luxury.
What about you? What do you do when the mundane, trivial, irritants, problems of life occur? Do you have any sayings, phrases, verses that encourage you?
Meanwhile, when I remind myself of God’s faithfulness, details and work, I am extremely grateful. I can carry on and trust God’s plan for our lives. This past week I was reading Psalm 92. The beginning of Psalm 92 reminded me of how I should proceed through the journey: proclaim God’s love in the morning and His faithfulness at night. In other words, go forward during the day knowing that God loves me and won’t forsake me and at night remember all the details and work that He has done.
Thanksgiving 2021
Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving. We hope to spend time with some of our family. We will have a small gathering with most of the traditional fixings, although my tradition is to mix it up a little and to try a new recipe for the sides. (Much to the chagrin of certain family members.)
Have you noticed that there are more decorative signs saying, “Be Grateful”. It seems that there is an influx of reminders to be grateful for everything. In every store there are tons of decorative items that remind you to be grateful. Googling gratitude home goods shows a plethora of items- napkins to wall hangings, offered from all sorts of vendors-Etsy to Neiman Marcus. All reminding us that gratitude is the best attitude. I hope that this is a by-product of Covid in the realization that life and all that we enjoy in life is precious. Hopefully gratitude will be an attitude that will prevail.
While I applaud the various manufacturers’ desire for all of us to be living grateful lives (I am sure that the CEOs of those companies are grateful for their third quarter earnings), there is a point of overkill and diluting the message.
By definition “grateful” means appreciation of benefits received; expressing gratitude. The definition of “gratitude” is the quality or feeling of being grateful and thankful. The etymology of the word comes from latin- gratus- meaning grace and the definition of “grace” means virtue coming from God. Unmerited divine favor.
While there are other definitions for grace, I think this first one of “virtue coming from God” is what makes gratitude such a powerful attitude. Because, left to our own devices, we humans are whiners, complainers, selfish, and just plain ingrates. Gratitude pulls us out of that behavior but only with help from above.
I find it interesting that almost every culture and religion has some ideology and theology about gratitude. I think because deep down, we know that gratitude aides humanity and we cannot do it alone. When an individual is grateful, she sees the world in a different way: she recognizes that none of the achievements or material things are truly hers alone, that what she has is enough and that she can and should share all things with others. When a society is grateful, there is a mutual benefit not only to the individuals but to the society as a whole. Gratitude evokes humility and hope.
In Egyptian culture they believed gratitude kept one in balance, while ingratitude would open the soul to negativity and sin. Once a year they were to offer five gifts to one of their goddesses Hathor. The priest would hold the person’s left hand and ask, “ Name the five things you would miss the most if you would die right now.” As the person quickly recited his list, the priest would remind him that his five fingers represented each of those five items and when he would look at his hand, he was to be reminded to be grateful.
Modern psychology talks about being grateful. There are all sorts of journals, apps and books regarding the practice of naming/writing/thinking about the three or five things for which one is grateful. And while I try to practice gratitude each day, some days I find are harder than others. It is a discipline and an intentional behavior.
Our dearest friend who is witnessing the active dying of her husband is remarkable. She, through God’s strength, is managing each day with grace and gratitude. Recently when I spoke with her, she recognized that she needed to do something to keep that balance Ancient and Modern societies strive to achieve. She is using a journal to write a simple list of things she has done in the day- for herself and for others. In some ways it is a slight variation on the gratitude list. I like it. For now it keeps her sane and keeps her life in perspective.
What about you? What are your thoughts about gratitude and grace? Have you ever stopped to think about the things you would most miss if you would die right now? Are they things? Or people? Have you ever told those individuals that? As you gather around the table this Thanksgiving, perhaps it is the year to tell the ones who mean the most to you, exactly that?
As you gather, perhaps you can have those around recite the five things each would miss if he/she would die right now? Or, have each person write or name: 1) one thing she did today for herself 2) one thing she did for someone else 3) one thing she is looking forward to 4) one thing for which she is grateful today.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Questioning Change
The other week in the wee hours of the morning, I stumbled upon a podcast/youtube interview with my favorite singer- Amy Grant. Sometimes I feel that I am quoting her a lot. I have always admired her and there is still a little of the younger me who wants to be like her. Well, when I was a kid ( I still have her original debut album- the one with the unpolished photo of her on the cover- wild curly hair and the facial “pudginess” of youth) I identified with her as everyone else who seemed cool had straight blond hair, blue eyes and rail thin faces.
As I have aged, I appreciate her wisdom and her use of her platform to humbly share about community and God’s love.
One of the nuggets that she shared on the interview was (for her) a game-changer journal that she received during Covid: 5 Minute Journal. It is a daily journal with questions for reflection: 3 questions in the morning and 2 in the evening. The same questions for each day, yet all designed to help one become be more intentional and mindful of one’s thoughts and actions throughout the day.
The morning questions:
1) I am grateful for…
2) What would make today great?
3) Daily affirmations. I am….
The evening questions:
4) What 3 amazing things happened today?
5) How could you have made today even better?
I like the evening questions the best. Writing about “amazing things” trains us to realize that amazing doesn’t have to be the awesome, super-duper events. Rather it is the small and ordinary that are truly the remarkable. For when you really think about it- very rarely do HUGE things happen to us on a daily, consistent basis. Sure, there are the births, the deaths, the marriages, the job hirings- the big events of life-but they do not occur every single day. When we realize that daily life is made up of small, seemingly insignificant events, we are more likely to notice them and to keep an eye out for them.
I also like the process of thinking about how the day could have been even better. It is another way of re-framing a reflective question so that we do not beat ourselves up over missed opportunities or conversations. For example, instead of kicking ourselves for not exercising that day, we can re-frame it by responding to the prompt of making the day better -“if I had gone to the gym in the morning”. Writing the plan/idea down, puts those thoughts into our heads so that next time, we will be more likely to complete the task or plan.
This idea of self-questions and reflections has me thinking about the questions and inquiries we ask of others. Perhaps we also need to change our thinking of how we question and interact with one another. I have read and heard from different social media people, news reports and various book authors that we need to ask better questions of one another if we are to begin to understand one another.
I think better questions begin with humility: taking the posture of “what do I need to learn from this person” rather than “what can I do to either impress them with my knowledge or dominate them (which in turn will have then become defensive) through my inquisition”. Then to ask, in some form or other, “what does this (whatever this may be) look like from your vantage point?”
There is also the thought that asking from a different posture can give us a better answer. Think about the questions that children ask: many times the questions appear obvious, but they get to the heart of the matter. They, due to their very nature of being young and inexperienced, ask questions with a natural humility.
The story goes that Edwin Land (founder of Polaroid) was asked by his three-year-old daughter why she couldn’t see the picture he had just taken of her. Why indeed? Her question makes sense in the present world of children because, at that time, waiting for a photo to be developed would be quite a long time. His daughter asked the obvious but simple question and thus the idea of instant photos was born.
What about you? Do you ever ask yourself questions or reflect on your past? What are those questions? Do you journal? What does that look like? Do you always ask the same things of yourself, your family, your acquaintances? Do you get frustrated with the same answers? What questions might you ask to change things up?
I know that I am looking for different questions. I am daily trying to find ways to dwell on truth, goodness, beauty, and things that are lovely, honorable, just and pure (Philippians 4: 8). I think that if we humbly go about our days, asking others and ourselves questions that expand our understanding of one another, we will be able to make tomorrow even better than today.
It's not easy being green...
https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Kermit_the_Frog
A while back, I was feeling a little bit green about my lifestyle ( or really, I should say green about other’s lifestyles). Admitting that feeling is very embarrassing because saying it makes it seems as if I really have it tough when in reality my life is pretty charmed. Oh sure. I have had situations of grief, disappointment, and pain but overall the beauty and blessings of this life overshadow any trouble.
This green mode mostly happens with the comparison game. You know how it is played- you hear or see someone else’s things, lifestyle, attitude and you think, “They have it all together. No problems. They seem so…. (fill in the blank) chic, put-together, stylish, successful…” And so, the ugly green monster (not Fenway Park) of envy emerges.
The thing is 1) Everyone has stuff, junk or another four-letter word that starts with “s”. No one is exempt. 2) People that seem to “have it together” are folks that either: a) good at their own “press” b) have a neat accent so when describing what they are doing, it seems cool c) Don’t care a rip what anyone else thinks. They have a certain cavalier attitude. Confidence.
Life is quite wonderful. Our respective lives are wonderful. I realize that I have all that I need and want. The things that I get annoyed or frustrated about are just that- annoyances. They too shall pass.
In our small group we just finished discussing Ephesians, a book of the New Testament. The apostle Paul gives some good advice regarding how one should live one’s life: how to avoid certain emotions and behaviors and how to embrace others. One such emotion is covetousness or jealousy. As was explained in one of the commentaries- covetousness, the jealous longing for someone else’s possession is a form of idolatry. One becomes obsessed with obtaining that object or at least very annoyed and angry that one doesn’t have it. As an emotion it becomes obsessive and can be quite negative and ugly.
How true is that? I know that I must not be the only one that in seeing someone with a certain item, I think I wish I had one. (If it weren’t true then the billions of dollars spent on endorsements and advertisements would be for naught.) I then will search high and low for said similar item. So much unproductive wasted time and energy.
To counter that emotion, one needs to practice thanksgiving. Or in our modern day parlance- gratitude. Years before it has become the psychological thing, Paul, the former Jewish teacher/ Christian missionary was reminding people to do so. It is again the reminder to focus on what one has and not on what one doesn’t. When one is thankful, one can see all the blessings. In a sense, seeing one’s blessings, begets seeing another, and so on and so on…
What about you? Has the green monster ever reared its ugly head? What prompted it to do so? How did you (or did you) combat it?
Thanksgiving. Gratitude. It is such a simple thing yet it so difficult to do on a daily basis. We can become so bombarded with being green that we forget that there are other beautiful colors around.
Ignoring the Signs
Flashes of light in my periphery. Blurry streaks in my field of vision. Black squares traveling up from the bottom of my eyesight.
Nope. Not the screen of a horror movie but the state of my vision in my left eye the last couple of days.
So this morning was a flurry of activity**: phoning physicians, stating and restating the onset of symptoms, filling out paperwork and forms, waiting in a retina specialists office, having my eyes dilating, filmed, poked and prodded. All for the explanation that a woman of a certain age doesn’t want to hear- “It’s because of your age!”
Turns out that I have posterior vitreous detachment (PVD). At this point we are in a watch and come back mode. Supposedly 85% of the cases resolve on its own and the symptoms won’t occur again in that eye. My other eye most likely will also go through the same type of thing. I still have questions for the doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks but for now there is nothing I can do but just be alert to the signs and symptoms if my eyesight gets worse.
It makes me think of warning signs for any situation.
Do we heed them? Or do we ignore? I heeded this warning from my eyes, but I certainly didn’t heed my body’s warning signs about my carpal tunnel and consequently had to have surgery to correct it. I still have some difficulty in my wrists and I will never know if that is due to my decision in lack of immediate attention to be treated, the surgery itself or something else?
I know of folks who, for whatever reason though most likely fear that the situation was irreversible, have ignored warning signs about their health. In most of those cases, a simple preventative or early check-up would’ve reversed the process. By ignoring the issue, the situation did become what they feared.
What about warning signs in our society? Are there attitudes, policies or decisions that we make that reflect what we value? Is it how we treat the most vulnerable? The weak, disenfranchised, or poor? Those who have no voice?
Pearl S. Buck once wrote, “Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members.”
Hubert Humphrey said, “The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; those who are in the shadows of life; the sick, the needy and the handicapped.”
Matthew Rycroft, UK Ambassador to UN said, "How a society treats its most vulnerable is always the measure of its humanity.”
Nelson Mandela, “A Nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but it's lowest ones”
Ideologically we may agree with these lofty quotes but do we heed the warning signs? When we do not value the young, the old, the sick, the needy, the handicapped, the lowest citizens? Just like I had to be evaluated with the warning signs about my eyes, I think we as a nation are in the evaluation time about our diagnosis and our future. We have a say in how we want to be governed, what we think is important and what our country means and stands for in this world.
Not only are there signs of warning but there can be signs of “all clear”: signs that things are progressing in a positive direction. I have a friend being treated for cancer. She is hopeful that very soon she will receive the “all clear”- that the treatments have worked and that the cancer cells have been eliminated from her body. Her signs of “all clear” come through her blood work. If she and her doctor ignore that and continue with her treatment, she might receive unnecessary and potentially harmful doses of chemotherapy.
Outside our kitchen door, I have a collection of herbs growing in window boxes. A couple of weeks ago, we saw the signs of a nest being built among the rosemary. At first I thought that some leaves and twigs had blown and were caught in the stems of the plants. Then we heard and saw the little wren hopping along the deck railing, looking left and right before it entered into the cover of the rosemary. We knew that those quick little builders had made a nest and that I would have to watch how I watered the window box for fear of frightening the parents away or drowning the little peeps. I had to heed the signs for the birds and when I see the “all clear” of an empty nest and “littered” deck floor- (or the “poop” deck as we might have to call it) we will know that they have fledged and I can go back to tending my herbs.
We can have positive signs in our lives. Signs that things are going well and that life is good. Sometimes we miss those too because they might be harder to detect. Warning signs have to be glaring and painful to get our attention. Good, “all clear” signs might be more subtle: still small whispers of encouragement, tiny drops of blessings, moments of peace and contentment. It is just as important to notice them. They provide the balance in our lives.
What about you? What are the warning signs in your life? “All clear” signs? Signs that alert you to danger? Or signs of God’s goodness and blessing? Are you heeding those signs? Or ignoring them through ignorance or ingratitude?
The Apostle Paul reminds us to “Give thanks in all circumstances.” (I Thessalonians 5: 18). Having a posture of thanksgiving and gratitude are two ways that I can tackle whatever signs I see.
** I apologize for this post being late. I had another post I was working on yesterday which I will post at a later date.
Prayer Warriors
The prayer posture of the prayer warriors I know- Confident & Strong.
Warrior : A person engaged in some struggle or conflict; a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics.
Prayer warriors. In some ways it seems contradictory. Prayer conjures up peace, meditation, stillness, calm, while a warrior draws to mind, combativeness, aggression, chaos.
This past week another prayer warrior from our congregation has died. She joins a long line of saints who have gone on to Heaven before her. She was among a group of women who were formidable in their faith. Faithful in prayer. Committed to God’s word. Dedicated to sharing their faith with others through their words and deeds.
Called prayer warriors for their willingness to pray faithfully, earnestly, relentlessly, fearlessly. I think of them as lions for prayer- strong and courageous. I would hope that I could be a prayer warrior but some days I think of myself as a prayer kitten-skittish and scared.
The women and men that I know who are deep, strong pray-ers are, in some ways unremarkable. There is no special sign on their door, no special degree on their wall nor special look to their appearance. They are ordinary people who have chosen to rely on Someone else for their guidance and control of their lives. They know that in order to handle the anxiety, disappointments, stress, tragedies, evil in this world, prayer is the activity that is absolutely necessary.
Not that prayer is a magic pill. It is not, “say these incantations” and all will be well. Prayer is an honest, heart felt, sometimes heart wrenching conversation, plea, discussion even argument with the Creator of this world. It is also an opportunity to express our gratitude, praise as well as our concerns and petitions for others.
The women I know who are prayer warriors have experienced life in all its joys and sorrows. They have gone through Hell on earth yet know that it is only through prayer that they can carry on, survive and thrive. They know that it is only through prayer that we can do any good for others. They know that it is only through prayer that they will find peace.
On Sunday, one of our church members was sharing about her faith and her experience with prayer and anxiety and talked about Paul’s letter to the Philippians. She suggested that adding thanksgiving alongside with our petitions is a good mental health practice. The brain chemistry changes when we practice gratitude.
Yes. We should come to God with all of our problems, disappointments, hurts and sorrows but we also are well served if we come to God with our thanksgivings.
Just yesterday I was getting myself all anxious about the future. I think I had overloaded on Corona virus news. (Yes. Yes. I know. “Physician heal thyself”- I have written before about limiting the listening to that stuff!) I could feel my heart tightening, my belly churning and my breath becoming more rapid and shallow.
I took a deep breath and started talking out loud to God. Sharing my thoughts as they came as well as adding a praise word every so often. Funny thing, my one praise word, led to another and then to thoughts of things for which I was grateful. That one word led to a cascade of all sorts of thanksgiving.
What about you? How is your prayer life? Are you a prayer lion or kitten? Have you found prayer helpful in your life? If so, is it a continued practice? Do you talk to God about all things in your life- the good, the bad, the ugly? Why or why not?
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “(Philippians 4: 6,7)
One of my favorite quotes from Corrie ten Boom: “Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.” If only I can remember it!!!
How I suspect my prayer posture looks like…
Yesterday my article, “Honor Thy Father” was published as a guest author on The Caregivers Space website.
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving. For this blog post I am going to do two shameless things:
1) Brag on one of my talented, intelligent nephews. I am always hesitant to single one of them out (or any of my equally talented, intelligent nieces) for fear that I will appear showing favoritism. Perhaps I am because I am biased with all the offspring.
2) Postponing today’s blog until another week in order to share the aforementioned nephew’s blog post. If you read some of his past posts, he has some interesting and thought-provoking reflections. (You can also check out his sermons online. Click here to view.)
In essence Andrew provides 3 questions to ask those gathered around your Thanksgiving table tomorrow:
Where have you seen God at work this past year?
What unexpected blessing have you received this year?
What are you praying for this year?
Question #1 reminds me that God is alive and involved in our lives. He isn’t the distant God, just waiting to ding us for the slightest infraction. He is at work, drawing His children (all of us) back to Himself for relationship. If we are open to Him, we can see His presence in all things around us.
Question #2 reminds me that even when life doesn’t go as planned, perhaps especially when life doesn’t go as planned, we still receive blessings. I have reflected over the last couple of years and think of the unexpected changes: deaths, illnesses, disappointments, joys, deepening friendships, undeserved assistance, personal and family successes. All unexpected and all blessings in their own right. Even this broken wing of mine has had its blessing. I have had to slow down, prioritize and rethink.
I love question #3 because it sets the tone for the future. Sure we pray for God’s will to be done, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t want to hear our thoughts, our longings and our heart’s desires. It reminds me that I need to include God in my thoughts and plans for the future. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“ (Jeremiah 29:11).
May you and whomever gathers around your table have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Slices of Joy
Recently I finished painting our living and dining rooms. Before I repositioned the furniture I cleaned and waxed our wood floors. As I put the wax on the floor and then wiped it off I was reminded of the Karate Kid movie and that classic scene where the karate master has his student wax his car. The student is furious thinking he is not getting any lessons but rather is working for free. It is only later does he realize the benefits of the wax on, wax off arm movements in his fluid ability to block attacks and his balance skills.
While I haven't learned karate, I have learned that in waxing whether it is for the car or on the floor, it doesn't take that much to provide protection and nourishment. Just a thin layer will do. In some ways it seems counterintuitive with our more is better mentality. We think if a little will protect it, then a lot will be fantastic. The thing is, if you slab on a thick layer, it takes more work to wipe it off and it doesn't protect any better. The first layer against the wood is what gets absorbed. Piling more layers on top will just be wasted when you wipe it off.
Just a thin layer is all it takes to restore and replenish the patina on our car or floor.
I started thinking about other thin barriers or layers that impact our lives: The fragile veil of "normalcy" that separates us from sanity to insanity or the one little drink or pill that begins a tailspin of destruction.
If we think our lives are insignificant because we do not have "big, fancy, over the top" kind of lives, we need to remember that some of the thinnest things make all the difference. Kevlar is a thin layer of material but it can mean the difference of life or death. So too a condom.
We can reframe our thinking into appreciating the thin, small, seemingly insignificant things in life. According to Chade-Meng Tan in his book, Joy on Demand we can successfully change our mindset by practicing "thin slices of joy".
Usually these events are unremarkable: a bite of food, the sensation of stepping from a hot room to an air-conditioned room, the moment of connection in receiving a text from an old friend. Although they last two or three seconds, the moments add up, and the more you notice joy, the more you will experience joy, Tan argues. “Thin slices of joy occur in life everywhere… and once you start noticing it, something happens, you find it’s always there. Joy becomes something you can count on.” That’s because you’re familiarizing the mind with joy, he explains.
Turns out that our brain's basal ganglion is the area where we control habits. The more skilled we become at a particular habit, the easier it becomes to repeat it. We need to have a trigger, routine and a reward to embed this habit into our brain so that we do not have to spend much cognitive ability in doing it. In the case for slices of joy our trigger is the pleasurable moment, the routine is the observation of it and the reward is the continual building of joy.
With practicing slices of joy we are training our brains to notice small things. The more we notice, the more our lives and brains are filled with positive emotions. We are prepared for whatever the day brings because we have practiced the art of noticing slices of joy.
What about you? Have you ever noticed small slices of joy? What are some things that put a smile on your face? Things that I have noticed just this morning: the red streaks of the rising sun filtered through our neighbor's statuesque pine tree, a robin hopping along our garden edge looking for worms, the first sip of espresso, the flutter of clothing drying on the line, the dog with her face turned into the wind catching a whiff of some transient smell, the intricate details of a garden flower. If you can, try and find three slices of joy today. Each day build on that experience. Over time it can become your way of viewing the world.
And that, is significant.
Living with Spaciousness
On Sunday's "On Being" radio program, I heard an interview with the poet Naomi Shihab Nye. At one point she spoke about living with spaciousness- giving yourself time to exist in this world.
I loved the image and the permission: to have the opportunity to create space in all that we do, to allow ourselves room to breathe- physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Spaciousness. To me it connotes wide expanses and openness. I think the idea of vastness is part of our psyche or at least the American psyche. We think of the wide open plains, the expanse of oceans or great lakes or the scale of our sky scrapers. I think it also connotes possibility like a large blank canvas.
I think the poet's words spoke to me because at this juncture in our lives, we are in the middle of redoing our basement. For anyone who has ever been in the middle of a home project you know all about disruption, feeling claustrophobic with clutter and chaos that these projects create. At present all the items in our basement are currently housed in our first and second floor rooms. I am certainly not feeling any spaciousness in our home lately.
So, I find it incredibly appealing to think of the idea of creating and living with spaciousness both in the external, our residence and in the internal of our lifestyle choices. I definitely see the advantage in the external. I cannot wait to get my household back in order, straightened and de-cluttered. To have room to move around, to set out new projects, and to not be burdened by confining spaces is my wish.
I am equally wishful for a lifestyle that gives me room to move around, to engage in new projects or ideas and to not be burdened by confining habits. As an example of living with spaciousness the poet suggested the simple practice of arriving to an appointment a couple minutes early. It will give you some time to settle before you move from one task to another. You have time to observe your surroundings, take a breath and create a buffer between events.
In some ways I liken it creating petite sabbaths- time when my norm is paused for a brief time and I can reflect. Generally I find my norm is hustling from one activity into another. When I give myself these petite pauses, I create time to be: time to take a deep breath, say a prayer, speak to a stranger, notice my surroundings.
Building in time for pausing will mean that something in my schedule will have to be eliminated. It makes me vulnerable and open to the possibility that I may not accomplish that which I want or at least in my time frame. It has taken me a long time to realize that true Sabbath keeping is not accomplishing seven days of work in six days. It is not rushing around for those six days so that when you rest on the seventh, you are "caught" up.
True Sabbath keeping is allowing time for God, for accomplishing things not in our normal routine and giving that time over to God for whatever He desires for us. It is knowing that while we might not have everything done in those six days, we give over that seventh day to Him regardless.
I think living with spaciousness is Sabbath keeping on a smaller scale. We are pausing in our lives, creating margin so that before we run into our house after work, we have time to listen to the neighbor talk about his kids, or plan to take a full lunch break in order to hear the co-worker's anxiety over her mother-in-law's health, or pause before running on the trail and sit and ponder the surrounding beauty of nature.
Just like I need space and order in my physical living space, I need margin in my emotional and spiritual life. I need to guard that I am not jam-packed, minute by minute in my schedule. I need to leave open space for the possibilities of whatever might occur. I need to offer back my schedule and its margins to God as gratitude for what the margins create in my life: an order, a spaciousness, an opportunity, a blessing of enjoyment of all aspects of life.
What about you? Do you live with spaciousness? In your physical world? Your emotional or spiritual world? Do you have margins in your life? Time that isn't taken with activities? Time to just be? What would that look like for you? Can you create petite Sabbaths in your day? Your week?
Thanksgiving
Today is Thanksgiving. Boy, am I grateful that Abraham Lincoln declared it a national holiday. For if he didn't, I wonder if I would ever be thankful? I would forget about doing it annually much less practicing it on a daily basis.
This week I heard that the community of Sutherland Springs, Texas was having a Thanksgiving dinner- "Feast of Sharing". The free meal was originally an event to get to know one's neighbors but this year it has become an opportunity for healing. What a witness to being thankful even in the midst of incredible grief.
Being thankful doesn't necessarily mean everything is sweetness and light. It doesn't look like a Hollywood movie. One can be thankful in the midst of deep hurt, grief, pain and adversity. There can still be hope in the middle of a pit.
The other day I heard someone talk about the difference between condemnation and conviction.
Condemnation is evil and creates absolutes in our thinking. Things are seen in terms of the superlatives always or never. We think of ourselves as always worthless or that our situation will never get better. We get stuck in that place where there is no point in trying. Condemnation pulls us down and keeps us down with no hope of getting up.
Not only is condemnation hurtful to ourselves but it is hurtful to others. There is a dismissal towards those who feel condemned or we feel should be condemned. "You are not worthwhile." Life becomes isolating for both the condemned and the accuser. There is no community. There is no opportunity for things to get better.
Confrontation is loving. It says even if what has happened through our choices or through our situations may not be good, it is not the final word. Confrontation says that this might be bad but it can get better. What has happened doesn't need to define us. There is hope for a future. There is hope for change. There is hope that this doesn't have to be.
Confrontation is loving to others. It says, you are worthwhile. You are worth the investment to help with the change. Even though there might be correction and help it is done with care in mind. "I care for you so I will lovingly help in making things better."
I am grateful for this Thanksgiving. I am grateful that even if I feel troubled in a situation, I have hope that things can get better. Click here to read my nephew's inspirational Thanksgiving message.
What about you? Where do you find yourself this Thanksgiving? Do you feel condemned or confronted in a situation or problem? How can you think about it in a way that gives you hope?
Smoked Kippers
Last week I had surgery and have been recovering. I don't like to wish my life away but if I could fast forward these two weeks of post-op pain, I would. Short of that, I have been trying to make the best of it. I have found a wonderful distraction on Netflix- Escape to the Country. The show involves showing three various types of homes to a couple or family who have decided to give up their English city/suburban life for a country/village one. I love seeing the homes that have been picked but mostly, love the filming of the different counties in England. Each show will highlight some particular feature of a specific region.
On one of the shows, they were featuring the Northumberland coast and were interviewing the family who makes smoked kippers- the quintessential full fry-up English breakfast item. The family claims that they "discovered" them and it was only through a tragedy. As the story goes, the fish were drying in the wood shed along the dock. A fire occurred overnight. By morning they wondered if anything could be salvaged, especially the fish. The flavor of the smoked herring was acceptable and thus an industry was born.
I love stories where there is a silver lining in a seemingly disastrous event. I wonder how many disasters that we as a society have gone through only to have missed the opportunities to see potential or possibilities because we focused on the loss? I wonder too how many disasters that I may have experienced and have missed or chosen to miss the opportunities to see potential, possibilities or change in my own life?
It must've been devastating on that morning in the village of Seahouse to see one's whole catch of fish, in essence, one's whole livelihood literally up in smoke. Where do you start with that type of disaster? How do you go through the rubble and even begin to see possibility?
Disaster and tragedy are part of the ongoing human condition. Look to the events in the last couple of weeks. What do you do when your house has been completely flooded and there are no salvageable parts? Is there any opportunity in a madman shooter or rental truck terrorist?
Yet I think many of us feel that we are going through disaster and tragedy when the perspective might show otherwise.
I am even thinking of the "disaster" of this post op recovery. Certainly it has been problematic and quite painful but it has given me time to be still. I am not allowed to drive, lift, or strain in any way.. And so I lie down, sit and try to get comfortable in my stillness. But I am grateful for the pain because that means that I have functioning nerve cells. I am grateful for healing medicine and I am grateful for this respite time.
Not to sound trite or offer platitudes but I really do think the beginning of finding possibility starts with gratitude: gratitude that one is alive, gratitude that one can make choices and decisions, gratitude that one is not going through the difficulty alone. Gratitude does give us a new lens on the same situation. It is through that lens that we can begin to see a different angle of our predicament. Perhaps to germinate the seed of opportunity or a growth of possibility.
At the same time as my surgery our family has been witness to the medical trials of a grand-niece baby. There have been moments of great concern about her health and her life. It was in those times that I could pray, pretty much without ceasing because I did not have any other distractions. Now I am not saying that my prayers were the things that healed this baby but the silver lining of my surgery was that I was able to have the opportunity to be like the persistent widow in Jesus story and continually lift up my family member to God. I was able to practice continual prayers and was able to add my voice to many others.
The prayers gave me purpose and focus during my pain. It gave me perspective over what I had to endure. In the big scheme of things, my "disaster" is nothing. While I was soldiering through the pain, I kept telling myself that this too would end. I had perspective when I thought of those who had truly suffered before me- slaves, prisoners of war, homeless people and was grateful that my experience was temporary.
I realized that the experience of gratitude helped me to foster endurance. I am hoping that the experience of learning to endure will aid me in future situations; if I remember how I endured in the past I can be resilient to problems in the future.
What about you? Have you gone through pain and suffering? What got you through? Has there been any opportunity in it? Even one iota? How did you discover that? In the found rubble, could you discover smoked kippers?
How To Give Thanks
Do you feel thankful this holiday? I am feeling conflicted this season. In the big scheme of things I am quite thankful- for my faith, my family, my health and all the material blessings I have. Yet in the microcosm of my life, I am not too grateful. I find myself grumbling, complaining and disappointed that my life is in the pattern it is.
I realize that I need an attitude adjustment. I need to learn contentment and gratitude. I need to learn how to give thanks.
I was doing my daily Bible reading and came across these verses from the book of Hebrews 13:5, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
It dawned on me. Perhaps I am not overly pursuing a life that reflects a love of money (or at least not intentionally) but I am most certainly trying to manipulate my future to go my way and when it doesn't, I find that I get annoyed and cranky. Part of the sin of loving money is that in its pursuit we forget that we are not in control. I wasn't leaning on God and trusting Him with my thoughts, dreams and plans. I was allowing my focus to be on the smallness of my life and all the "slights" against me causing me to try and handle it all myself like the Little Red Hen. I was idolizing me.
I came across an article in the November issue of "Real Simple". It was suggesting how to be grateful (when you really don't feel like it). I liked the ideas because cultivating gratitude lifts our thoughts from ourselves and can help shift our attitude to being thankful and grateful for our circumstances. It is then we can recognize contentment in whatever that situation might be. Below are some of those suggestions as well as my own:
- Gratitude can be simple and subtle. In Hebrew the term for gratitude is hakarat hatov, which means "recognizing the good". A reframing of our attitude might be to "reorient ourselves around things that we should already be grateful for". So, it might not be so hard to "find" gratitude rather look for the small things which already occur- e.g. a garaged car that keeps the windshield free from frost and the daily morning scraping that non garaged car neighbors have to endure.
- List your blessings. Focus on the big four- food, family, health and shelter. If you have to break them down to the smallest item, e.g. breathing without oxygen assistance, then do so.
- Cultivate a grateful eye. I was raking the leaves in our yard the other day. There is a neighbor's tree that drops the smallest sliver of leaves possible onto our front yard. The tines of the rake cannot pick them up. The only way to collect them is to use a gasoline powered mower. In the back of our house there is a HUGE sycamore tree on the adjacent county property. Not only is the tree big and drops limbs but the leaves are the size of dinner plates. As I was picking up the sycamore leaves I thought, "I am so grateful that the small tree is in front and the larger one is back here" as I had to pick up by hand the large sycamore leaves as they had fallen over the pebble walkway around our potting shed and pond. If I used a rake or any other type of machinery I would also denude the path of pebbles.
- Look at the way you say thank-you. Is it automatic or can you look at the way someone is helping you with a cost-benefit eye? Notice not just the money spent but the time and effort and energy it took. "Thinking about everyday kindnesses like that will make you way more grateful."
- Share your thanksgiving/gratitude stories with others. Here are some conversation starters for the Thanksgiving table:
- What's the nicest thing that anyone has done for you this year?
- What the nicest thing that you've seen someone else-friend, coach, family member, teacher- do for another person?
- If you had one super power that you could use to make a difference int he world, what would it be? What would you do with it?
- What are you most grateful for that doesn't cost money?
What about you? How's your attitude this Thanksgiving holiday? Do you need an attitude adjustment? What can you do? Have you ever counted your blessings? Actually written them down as assets? Have you ever shared your feelings of gratitude with others?
Why Give Thanks?
"The First Thanksgiving" (1915), by Jean Louis Gerome Ferris (American painter, 1863-1930).
Do you ever wonder why we have Thanksgiving? Sure, we have all learned about the Pilgrims and their first feast in Plymouth. We have read about George Washington's issuing a proclamation that November 26, 1789 would be a day of national thanksgiving for the role of providence in creating the United States. We know that Abraham Lincoln's declaration of an annual federal celebration the fourth Thursday in November is what prompts our yearly migration to home and hearth.
No, I am talking about why as humans we feel the need to have any type of thanksgiving celebration at all. Almost all cultures going back many millennium have the need to have some type of yearly festival. Whether it was to appease the gods or to share in extra harvest abundance, why did we feel the need to give thanks?
I think it is because on some basic biological level we as humans know that there is something larger than ourselves at work in the world. Deep down we know that there is more than just our small existence and that we intrinsically look to something else for the bounty and situations in which we find ourselves.
I think in trying to understand why we give thinks, we should look at whom we thank- the earth, the stars, the moon, a human-made deity, a specific religious person?
I am in the C.S. Lewis camp that although differing religions have many similar values- truth, goodness, kindness, etc., Christianity is the only religion that can point to its founder as alive and living among us. Not to go into apologetics but there is historic evidence that the prophet Jesus was seen walking, eating, talking after his crucification. He is the true living God.
I think that it is that pull to God and Jesus that subconsciously draws us to gather and give thanks. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we cannot rely on ourselves for all that we have received, nor can we be the ones in charge of our lives. Similar to Blaise Pascal's quote which in the vernacular has been quoted as "there is a God-shaped vacuum inside all of us." Below are the actual words from his book, Pensees, published in 1670:
“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself” - Blaise Pascal, Pensées VII(425)
Sure we have the pull of the obligatory family Thanksgiving gathering, but it goes beyond that: the practice of thanksgiving is good for our souls.
- We recognize that the blessings we have are not all from our own doing.
- We recognize that others also receive blessings not from their own doing.
- We can recognize that our experiences are not so bad when hearing about others' situations.
- We recognize that difficult and bad situations may have some positive aspects and that time can smooth out rough patches.
- We are humbled by that knowledge and perspective of our lives.
- We can then be open, compassionate and vulnerable to others and grateful for what we do and do not have.
- We recognize that there are some things that bear no explanation- it is only through the grace of God we are in the place where we are.
- We can then experience the authentic and abundant life of a grateful and thankful heart.
What about you? Why do you give thanks? Have you ever done a yearly inventory of your life? What is important to you? What do you believe? What are the positive and negative things in your life? Are there situations or experiences in your life that have no explanation? Is it an abyss that can only be filled with God? How about the people you know and love? Why do they give thanks? For what are you and they grateful? Does that ever connect you?
Why give thanks? It is an opportunity to be connected to others, to ourselves and to God.
Top 3? Bottom 3?
Top 3? Bottom 3? A question I heard from the actor Jamie Lee Curtis. The rationale is that everyone has three best things- whether they are physical features, personality traits, resources, etc. and everyone has three worst things- things about which they are not too happy. The idea is to name them, embrace them and then move on.
Interesting concept. I think in Ms. Curtis' case as she described it on a talk show, this appears to be more about physical features than not. I like to think that there is so much more to a person than that. In addition, I don't think we should just settle in naming the bottom three.
Of course, certain things cannot be changed and we just have to learn to live with it or without it. However, there are things that if we name as a bottom, we can work on improving.
I like to think that the naming of either top or bottom is the beginning of a life of improvement.
The top items are to remind us that we are not so bad. We all have some gift or positive item. We all are blessed in some way. Some days we might not feel that blessing, but if we look with open eyes we will find it. In noting our blessings, it should give us confidence and the assurance that our life has purpose and meaning. There is a reason for our blessing. Many times it is to share with others our good fortune. In the area of good physical features it should manifest itself as a confidence and self-assurance so that we can can "disappear", not think about ourselves and whether we look good enough, and concentrate on the people around us.
The bottom items are to remind us to remain humble. Everyone has something of which he/she is not particularly proud. And that is okay. We all have positive and negative traits. If we keep it in perspective and not dwell on it, that item, personality trait or physical feature is what keeps us balanced. It also keeps us compassionate when we see others in the same boat. We then have the opportunity to provide hope for a change or acceptance of things as they are.
I am still thinking of my Top 3 and Bottom 3. What I do find is that once I get going I can fill up a page of the Bottom 3. I think sticking to just three items is better than letting it all get on the page. Who needs that kind of self-flagellation? Three items seem to be a better balance. I also find that when I am having "one of those days", the top three help me shake off the bottom blues (or the mean reds per Holly Golightly).
What about you? Have you ever thought of your Top 3, Bottom 3? Are there things on that list you would want to change? Can you change them? Do you need to learn acceptance? Do you need to balance the top and bottom? Is there someone in your life you can help with his/her Top 3, Bottom 3? Someone who might need a little encouragement or acceptance?
The Little Red Hen
The Little Golden Book Version of The Little Red Hen. My grandmother had this and other Little Golden Books (Nurse Nancy, The Pokey Little Puppy) for my cousins and me to read.
Somedays I feel like the little red hen.
Do you remember the story? A little red hen finds some seeds. When she asks her friends, "Who will help me plant these seeds?", "Not I" is the reply from the goose, duck, pig and cat. She continually asks them for help each step of the process of turning the seeds into grain and then into bread. "Not I" is still the response. Only when she is all done with her labors of planting the seeds, harvesting the grain, and finally baking the bread can she rest. She asks her friends, "Who will help me eat the bread?" When she gets a resounding, "I will", she declines their help telling them that since they didn't help during the preparation they will not be able to have the results from the labor.
The moral of the story is to reinforce a strong work ethic and remind that if one hasn't contributed to the product, then one shouldn't benefit from it. It also reiterates that if one doesn't receive any help, to soldier on and to be as independent as possible.
Strong work ethic and independence- excellent personality traits, Right?
Yes, we would say. Definitely the back bone of our society. Yet I wonder if it is the best course of response in situations? The thing is, it is exhausting being the little red hen. Not only does she physically do all the work but she is emotionally looking, tallying and keeping track of who is helping her along the way.
Of course there is some righteous indignation on the hen's part and rightly so. The story speaks to our sense of fairness and deserved-ness. If you do not put in the time you cannot receive a reward. Certainly that is true in disciplining oneself - whether one is an athlete or musician.
And, there is a time constraint in her endeavor. Seeds have to be planted and harvested at certain times of the year. If one is to have bread in the fall, the seeds have to grow in the spring. If she sat around waiting for the help, she would never get the project off the ground.
Much as I identify with the little red hen I don't really like her attitude. She seems standoffish and judgmental. Almost as if she is already going into the endeavor with the expectation that no one will help her and she goes through the motion of asking for help just to prove her point. Not very attractive.
At times like these I am reminded of Psalm 22:11- "Be not far from me, for trouble is near and there is none to help". The psalmist starts out with telling God exactly how he feels- alone, forsaken, full of self-pity, feeling totally washed out and used up, exhausted with no one to help him. As he cries out to God and has an honest discussion with Him, the psalmist finally comes to the conclusion that God is the one who listens and helps. Psalm 22: 24- "For He has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; and He has not hid his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to Him. " God knows what the psalmist is experiencing and He cares. He hears. He sees and He provides.
When I feel like the little red hen, I need to lift my eyes beyond myself and the situation and be thankful; for the seeds, for the potential of help, for the growth of the seeds and for the bread and nourishment that will be provided.
What about you? Ever identify with the little red hen? Or do you more identify with the psalmist? How do you handle it when you feel that there is no one to help? What is your attitude? Do you effortlessly handle the situation with grace? Do you rely on God's strength to get through regardless of help from others? Do you wish you could?
I know that I am trying. I think more than a strong work ethic and independence, I am trying to cultivate a continual grateful attitude and a complete dependency on God.