The Power of Vulnerability

I do not believe politicians. It doesn’t matter their party or particular political leanings. I know enough politicians to know that for the majority of them, it is hard to believe all that they say. They are the ultimate great actors- they can spin and say whatever they feel the audience at the time wants to hear.

But. I do like what I have seen of Joe Biden’s character. He truly seems empathetic to others, especially those who are grieving. I am always impressed with any highly visible personality/celebrity/politician who helps others not for any immediate photo op but seemingly altruistically and for the benefit of the other person. It is only after the fact does their good deed/word get in the news and sometimes only because someone has leaked it.

President Biden has been known to call and receive calls from individuals who have lost a loved one. He has also reached out to young people who have speech impediments, namely stuttering. Two areas of his life in which he suffered and was vulnerable.

I think of him meeting with Queen Elizabeth this past week. I imagine there will be some soul sharing regarding losing a spouse. Grief is grief regardless of the stage and age of the bereaved. I wonder how many individuals President Biden has connected to over the years due to his being drawn to those who are exposed to grief?

It reminds me that being vulnerable is what draws us together. There are people who I know who seem to have it all in order. While I enjoy being with them, it is only when they shared tough times or difficulties that I became closer to them. It is then that they are more relatable. We have more in common through our difficulties than our strengths.

Researcher Dr. Brene Brown has an interesting TED talk on the subject of vulnerability. It may be “old” but it is applicable to today. (See the above video)

As she states, “The data about being vulnerable leads to whole-hearted living.” She talks about courage, compassion and connection and how vulnerability leads to these strong emotions.

I think of the Apostle Paul and his statement, “for when I am made weak, then I am strong.” It is only through our weaknesses that true authenticity occurs and makes room for growth. At the end of the TED talk, Dr. Brown says this:

This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.

What about you? In recent months we have talked about a sense of belonging, of having enough, of sharing, of being grateful, of connection. Are you willing to be vulnerable? What does that look like for you? What steps are you willing to take to begin whole-hearted living?

I love the title of Dr. Brown’s talk- The Power of Vulnerability because there is Truth to that expression. While the world may say might makes right, Jesus declared that the meek inherit the earth. For there is strength through an honest and authentic declaration of weakness.

Below, view the follow-up to her vulnerability talk:

Day 24: Words and Pictures: Share

My husband shared with me an interesting article that he had read on Deutsche Welle News online. It was an interview with an Israeli historian and professor. He was asked about the current global pandemic. As Professor Yuval Noah Harari observed, “I think the biggest danger is not the virus itself. Humanity has all the scientific knowledge and technological tools to overcome the virus. The really big problem is our own inner demons, our own hatred, greed and ignorance. I'm afraid that people are reacting to this crisis not with global solidarity, but with hatred, blaming other countries, blaming ethnic and religious minorities. But I hope that we will be able to develop our compassion, and not our hatred, to react with global solidarity, which will develop our generosity to help people in need. And that we develop our ability to discern the truth and not believe all these conspiracy theories. If we do that, I have no doubt that we can easily overcome this crisis.” **

I would agree with him and also add fear to the list of inner demons with which people are struggling.

The question becomes then, how do we combat that? How do we rise above our inner demons of hatred, fear, blaming others? How do we develop compassion?

I think we need to return to what we learned as children: we need to remember to share.

I read an interesting story. A reporter once asked a farmer why his corn won the state fair contest every year. The farmer revealed that it was because he shared his seeds with neighbors. The perplexed reporter wondered why. The farmer’s answer: “Sir, don’t you know? The wind picks up pollen from ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grew inferior corn, cross-pollination would degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbor do the same.”    

When we share we feel good. According to a 2008 Harvard Business School survey, when people give away money it lifts one’s spirits more than spending that money on oneself. When we share whatever we have, we feel that we have more than enough. We feel “wealthy”. We don’t have to feel scared that someone else will “get one over on us”, to feel that someone else is taking away that which we are entitled

When we share we are lifted out of ourselves- thinking about ourselves and our needs and wants- and begin to think of someone else. Would this thing that I am sharing help them in their situation? What we might be stewing and worrying about takes second place when we start thinking of others and how we can help them. I know that the best way for me to snap out of a funk is to help someone else- to share my time, (limited) talent and resources with them.

I think that sharing helps block those demons of hatred. On some level there is an invisible bond that is created when we share. How can one hate someone who has partaken in something that was yours? This thing that we have shared connects me to you- it might be an obligation or it could just be a mutual appreciation.

I was teary-eyed as I read the following letter that NY Governor Andrew Cuomo received and read on yesterday’s daily press briefing. Click here to see the video.

What about you? How do you counter the demons of this world? What heart stirring stories have you heard this week?

How can we get rid of the demons? Share. Be compassionate. Show humility. Remember that for each one of us, “by the grace of God go I”. We ARE in this all together.

---

** Click here to read the article.

Agents of Grace

www.letterstotheexiles.com

Last weekend my husband and I went away with another couple for a mountain retreat. We had a wonderful time- ate delicious food, did a little Scotch tasting and the best of all- engaged in deep and meaningful conversation.

While we really do not need any “starter” conversations with this couple, we did bring along a video- Letters to the Exiles, which has 7 short videos with discussion questions to ponder. The videos are so thought provoking. Partly because it has a quirky vibe to the filming: there are all sorts of gems and nuggets of hidden treasures and meanings, almost a grown-up version of “I spy”. But mostly because the content has us thinking about our faith and our purpose in the world in a different way.

One of the segments that spoke to me was about justice in the world: justice is hospitality. Justice is all about how we treat one another. “We don’t give dignity to the other person, we see the dignity inside them.” That set me back on my heels. Even though I try and not portray it, I know that when I see someone less fortunate than myself (and I realize that even using that term “less fortunate than myself” exemplifies the issue) I am thinking, “poor such and such.” My reaction may not be through eyes of compassion but through eyes of comparison: they are less than me- whether the comparison is emotional, physical, or spiritual. Yet for me to be a part of justice in the world, I need to see each and every person with the dignity he deserves because we all are made in God’s image.

When I do so, I see the frailty, humanity, and the potential. I also recognize the log in my own eye. It is when I remove it that I begin to see people as God sees them. I am moved towards compassion and understanding and away from comparison and pride.

I wonder if we truly grasped that concept, where would the hatred and misunderstanding go?

After the Pittsburgh shooting this weekend, I heard someone talk about people coming together to push back those deviants to the basements and their lonely lives. I certainly understand the sentiment. However, I think that would only keep the hatred bubbling up. Jesus called us to pray for those who persecute us and I believe that it is only through God’s power that we can. Anything short of prayer is just simmering hatred.

I am looking forward to watching the movie “The Best of Enemies” when it is released next year. Watch the trailer here. The movie tells “the true story of the unlikely relationship between Ann Atwater, an outspoken civil rights activist, and C.P. Ellis, a local Ku Klux Klan leader. During the racially charged summer of 1971, Atwater and Ellis come together to co-chair a community summit on the desegregation of schools in Durham, N.C.” What is somewhat alluded to in the trailer is the faith of the woman. I am sure that the change in Ellis was due to the many prayers that Atwater and her fellow congregants lifted. His heart change is nothing less than a miracle.

What about you? Have you seen any videos or read any books that have been thought provoking for you? What was your reaction to the shootings of this past week? As I write this, there are too many recent shootings to mention in addition to the PA one. That fact alone should cause us to pause and take a long look at where we are headed as a society.

In the Letters to the Exiles, it reminds us that, as followers of Christ we might live in this world but we are not of it. We are to be agents of God’s grace in a broken world. A daunting task in today’s society but necessary if we are to survive one another.

Doing the Right Thing

I don't know about you, but the protesting from the last couple of weeks has really gotten to me.  I am distressed that people will speak and act so violently against other people. It seems as if both parties can incite their own and each other.

I wonder if I were part of a protest, would I get carried away? The log is in my own eye because there is a part of me that just wants those with whom I don't agree to just shut the heck up.  Hopefully I would never resort to violence to have them be quiet.  But are those who protest seemingly reasonable any other time?

I am a firm believer for freedom of speech so I would hope that my desire for that universal freedom would override any "mob" mentality.  If I start picking and choosing who may speak, based on my preferences, then I am no better than the dictators or absolute rulers of this world.  I hope that I would choose and do the right thing when it comes to dealing with individuals whom I may not agree.

Last week there was a story that exemplified someone who was choosing and doing the right thing.  A news reporter, Al Letson was in Berkeley California, reporting on a protest of white supremacists and its counter protest of anti-fascists or antifa. As Mr. Letson was watching things unfold, he saw a white supremacist fall to the ground and an angry group of antifa approach the fallen man with what appeared to the journalist intent to harm or possible kill the fallen white supremist.  So the journalist broke the journalist code of "not becoming part of the story" and lay on the man, covering him with his own body so that the left-wing, antifa protesters would stop.  The journalist was hoping that the anti-protesters would see him, a black man on the ground and not harm him or the gentleman underneath him. 

What a hero and a testament that as humans, we can show compassion, understanding and empathy even if we do not agree.  

But, I wonder- would I be as brave as the journalist?  Would I stand up for someone even if I did not agree with the other person? 

I haven't been part of any protests, nor have I been put in a split second decision to offer my life for someone else, but I have had opportunities to sign petitions or statements for various groups.  Most of the requests I would say I agree with the sentiments but there is generally some statement or statements that I cannot completely agree.  I find that almost every issue has nuances and is not so cut and dry.  Some of the sentiments are quite true but once "on board", I find that there are other sentiments that are not quite in keeping with the intention.  

And so I struggle.  How do we know what to believe?  How do we, as Americans, get out of this negative, all or nothing, vile hatred of other's beliefs and in turn of others?  How do we protest without being violent?  How do we agree to disagree?  How do we get the other side to listen to us?  How do we get institutions to revoke policies and practices that are not equal to all Americans? How do we not remain bitter when that happens? 

I was thinking that I need to look back.  I am wanting to read about forgiveness and grace.  How did South Africa turn the tide of apartheid?  Certainly there was blood shed and much hardship.  But how did Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu work with the same people who imprisoned and hurt them?   How do we work, live, play beside the people whom we do not agree?  How can reconciliation occur? 

What about you?  Have you thought about the protests happening in our nation?  Have you participated in any?  What was the feeling of the crowd?  Would you be as quick thinking as the journalist to protect someone whom you disagree? 

Have you had the opportunity to do the right thing?  Or, by my using the action word, "doing", are you in the process of exploring the right thing? 

Click here to read the story of the journalist doing the right thing.  

Heart Check

How do you protect your heart?  Not just physically but emotionally and relationally?  Is your heart hardened to the situations of others?  Do you have chest pain when you think of your future?  Or when you think of your past?  Is your heart strong enough to withstand the onslaught of non heart-friendly situations?  Can it go the emotional distance?  How can we get others to be heart healthy? 

I was thinking of that this morning while I cogitated all the news and comments of fellow citizens.

There seems to be such an air of negativity, a lack of compassion, even hatred floating in our midst. Definitely it is a non heart-friendly environment. I am sure each one of you can think of a comment, quote or statement given by a politician, colleague, friend or family member that is polluted with dissension, disappointment, discord and antagonism. 

How do we stop that?  How do we improve the air quality?  How do we, as fellow travelers on this journey of life, get along with one another and improve each other's journey?  How do we help each other develop healthy hearts? 

I think it starts with prayer:

• Prayer for ourselves.  We need to recognize our fallible and humble lives.  We need to recognize that alone we cannot make ourselves healthy and whole.  We need the presence of the Great Physician in our lives, not only for our physical well-being but for our emotional, spiritual and relational well-being.  It is only in our recognition of our weakness that we can begin to get strong.
• Prayer for others.  We need to pray for softened hearts of compassion towards one another.  If we think of others as someone's beloved brother, sister, son, daughter we might be able to transfer those thoughts into our own.   If we recognize that it is only by God's grace that we exist, we can extend that grace towards someone else.  In praying for others, we move beyond just thinking of ourselves and into the realm of others being included in the possibility for change.
• Prayer for the situation.  Seems like the emotional and societal heart disease that we suffer; racism, bigotry, meanness, mercilessness, animosity will always be with us.  I think that when we pray about the situation, we are changed.  Laying aside the spiritual element for a moment, praying allows us to focus on a specific aspect of a problem and helps us figure out what is important and not important.  Praying can slow down a quick reaction to a comment or problem.  

What about you? How is your heart?  Have you had a heart check-up lately?  

House of Memories

A while back there was a report on the radio about an unique museum in Denmark that doesn't really explain history as much as encourages the visitor to experience history. 

This museum is not open to the general public but to groups of elderly suffering with dementia and Alzheimers.  The museum is an exact reproduction of an apartment in the 1950's, during the time when those who visit would've been in their teens and twenties.  

It has been discovered that associative memories- smells, sights, sounds, touch that we associate with certain experiences- help retrieve the "reminiscence bump."- that teens and twenties time of early memories.   For those who are suffering from Alzheimers/dementia they need to by-pass strategic retrieval of the memories.  Instead they need to jump the executive process and go directly to that "bump". Sensual associations are the key to unlocking those memories. 

One of the reasons this retrieval is important, is that it allows those who are suffering from memory loss, feel as if they are still useful.  They can explain for what some of the past items were used and what they did.

"When people are old and with dementia, we are taking too much care of them," says Henning Lindberg, who came up with the idea for the House of Memories. "[We say] 'Sit down. Do you want coffee? Can I get a blanket?' No! If you want coffee, make it yourself! Of course, it will take double the time to make those things, but it doesn't matter because they will be useful again. It's what they tell us again and again and again — 'I'm so happy I could be used.' "

Who doesn't want to feel useful?  I know most people will express that if they cannot do "such and such" they might as well be gone.  The "such and such"  is usually an activity that makes the feel alive, human and useful.  

What is it about humans and our feeling of usefulness?  Is that what separates from all other living beings?  How about you?  Do you have loved ones that need to feel useful?  How would you go about including them into your day to day?  What things can they contribute to your household?  What are you learning from them? 

Are you building a house of memories?  

Heaven Here On Earth

Yesterday I heard a heartwarming story about a former ESPN producer and two of her documentary subjects.  Lisa Fenn was sent to cover the story of two Ohio high school wrestlers. One boy was a double amputee due to a train accident and the other boy was blind due to Leber's Disease. When she first went to Cleveland to cover the boys' last high school career wrestling match, all Lisa knew about their story was what she had seen through a picture of Leroy being carried by Dartanyon.  She said she had never seen a picture like that before.  She did her story and what unfolded is truly a miracle of how community, friendship and love can change a world. 

Carry On:  Leroy Sutton and Dartanyon Crockett (picture from www.bostonglobe.com, June 30, 2016)

She was touched by what both boys had experienced in life and decided that she just couldn't walk away. Long after the cameras left, she remained in their lives helping them with college and future plans.  

In reading Lisa's story I am so touched.  It is a story that is so encouraging and up lifting. It is a story that demonstrates hope in a world that desperately needs it.  It is a story of how we can live in community and how we are called to care for one another.  It is a story that provides a brief glimpse into heaven here on earth.  

But it is more than a one-sided tale.  It is not all about Lisa and her help.  If it were all about Lisa and how she helped the boys it would be another story of a do-gooder getting involved with someone less fortunate.  Certainly there is an appropriate time for that kind of assistance.

But for true transformation in societies there needs to be true charity; a recognition that we are in this time and in this place for a reason. And that I am no better, no worse than the person next to me.  I can help that person and she can help me. True charity is a recognition of equals- you and I were formed in God's image. We share a connection. Once that connection is realized we can move on in the sharing of our lives, in the understanding of our differences and in our celebrating our similarities. 

 The boys benefited from financial aid certainly, but they also benefitted from the stability that Lisa's love provided.  They in turn gave Lisa a deeper understanding of resilience, determination, courage and loyalty. They all realized that we find our lives- experiencing joy, love and community when we lose our lives- giving away any preconceived ideas, fears and prejudices. 

It is a story of the bonds among the three of them and how they have forged a family. I find the story of the boys and their resilience in the face of unsurmountable odds- amazing.  What is it about their characters that they did not succumb to the pressures of their environment?   I find the story of Lisa amazing as well.  Prior to this story, she had produced many heartwarming human interest stories. Something in this story connected with her.  And she let herself be connected to it. She was open to take a risk and be stretched in ways that she never had been before.

What about you?  Have you ever had the opportunity to meet someone different than you?  Were you able to make a connection?   Do you recognize the similarities in the people you meet or just the differences?  Have you ever taken the risk in reaching out to someone who is different than you?  Have you ever taken the risk of responding to someone who reached out to you?  What is your community like?  Have you ever experienced a glimpse of heaven here on earth? 

Click here to see the ESPN video and read LIsa's story of why she stayed.

Sensitive Eyes

A while back I was in the eye doctor's office and I overheard another waiting patient say, " I can't look at that.  I have sensitive eyes."

Under my breath I did one of those guffaws.  You know the type when something you heard strikes you as funny.  Generally it is not funny to the person who said it.  In this case, the speaker must have heard my snort and looked over at me with a glare. 

I know the person was saying it in context of physically looking at something- like a bright light but I took it to mean more like a sensitive soul. I was imagining a bad theater production where the speaker would gesture with a hand thrust forward like stopping a car, "Oh no" she would declare, shaking her head and tossing behind her in a gesture of resisting temptation, " I couldn't possibly look at that.  I have sensitive eyes." 

In that context what would constitute sensitive eyes?  Things that harm our soul?  Pictures of violence, hatred, discord? Pictures of broken bones, shattered lives, crippled limbs?  Should we close our eyes to that or should we be outraged? 

I think of sensitive eyes as being in tune and watchful.  If I have sensitive eyes do I look upon others with compassion?  With understanding?  With love?  Do the upsetting things spur me to take action?  Can I see the good among the bad?  

May God give me sensitive eyes.  

What about you?  What type of eyes do you have?