Permission- Saying Yes

Last week  there was a comment on Friday's post.  In essence the reader asked for advice on how to begin doing the things she would like to do, now that her kids are grown, etc.  

Tough question.  I answered as honestly as I could and how I would approach the issue, but I felt that my tone might have been too preachy.  Not that I meant to be because I certainly don't have any answers. I am just traveling along this journey beside each one of you. 

Over the weekend I have been thinking a lot about that question. How do we go about fulfilling long lost dreams or suppressed wants and try to live a life that we are called to live and that we want to live? 

For many of us it is not that we cannot do the physical requirements for achieving what we want, i.e. running/walking to prepare for a 5 K, reducing the number of sweets in our diet, cleaning up a room, spending time reading or planning a trip,  but it is that we have to overcome the voices in our head.  When we dwell on activities or plans that would benefit us we think we are not worth it.   We think, "I can't justify spending this time on me."  and so we stop any self-improvement, achievement of goals, or even thinking about what we want to do.  

I think it is especially hard for women.  As much as we are independent and assertive, we seem to have a predilection for putting others' needs before ours.  Not that that trait is a bad thing per se. It is very admirable and one that I do not want to lose. 

However I think it causes us much consternation, anxiety and strife. 

We have to learn how to balance our needs and the needs of those around us.  It means being honest about ourselves and saying that we are not going to hide behind the excuse, "Oh, I can't do that now because I haven't earned that right or that I am not worth it or that I have to take care of ... (fill in the blank)." When I am honest with myself, I think I have hidden behind the excuse of caring for others instead of taking the risk and doing that which would make me happy, fulfilled and ultimately worthwhile and beneficial for others.

I think working our way out of the head battle is to start by giving ourselves permission: permission to explore what is our calling, our passion, our interests and our goals. 

This month, I am going to try and explore this idea. I have a pretty good idea of my calling, passion and interests, yet I find myself always putting those things on the back burner. I am giving myself permission to find some time to either work on those perennial goals that have been hanging over my head for years or decide to lay them to rest once and for all and move on. 

In order to do this, I am experimenting with posting only one blog per week ( although I might put some extras out there)  so that I can explore the other items on my list.  I am trying to see about balancing my responsibilities and my needs/wants- taking care of others while I am trying to take care of myself.  

I don't think that the choice is an either/or equation. It cannot be mutually exclusive. I cannot completely stop doing some of my responsibilities nor can I only do them to the exclusion of what makes me tick.  But I can try and cut back on certain things so that I can have a little more room in my schedule to explore this notion. 

I am giving myself permission to say yes to things that would "benefit" me.  

What about you?  Do you feel the angst and anxiety of trying to satisfy much responsibility? Do you do so at the exclusion of caring and doing things for yourself?  What would it look like if you had a good balance between the two?  Can you let go of somethings and take on others?  

For the month of August will you join me as we explore this idea of balance in one's life?  Of finding a life that reflects our gifts, passions, talents and also reflects our care for others and our responsibilities.

Let us know how you are progressing in the comments section below.   

Vacation Post Mortem

As part of the post mortem of my  vacation, I am working on some of the lessons observed/learned. Namely I need and want to get organized both professionally and personally.  I want to start the month of August feeling organized, somewhat in control and ready for action.  I always imagine my life like swimming:  I want to feel that I am on top of the waves, able to withstand changes in the current intensity or wave height and feel that I am moving forward toward a destination.  I don't want to feel that I am being pulled under by the current of excessive things or unrealistically tight schedules and the struggle that I am always trying to keep my head above water. 

I just finished going through my office- culling out my book shelves and files. I found two boxes of filled journal pages. Some of the journals go back to elementary, junior high  and high school.  As I glanced through them and reread some entries, it was a good exercise of reflection.  For one, if there was any doubt about my desire to write, I know now that I was itching to write from the time I was younger.  

The thing that really struck me was that I have not really changed since junior and high school.  I have pretty much the same views about life and the same fundamental principles.  I have always felt that I was an old soul when I was younger.  In reading through the journals I realized, I was.

But the thing that really grabbed me was that I have not really changed since junior and high school.  So many of the same things that I struggle with today, I struggled with back then.  Have I not learned and retained anything?!!  

On one hand it is very distressing, disappointing and discouraging.  Many of my struggles are in the refrain of wanting to do something significant.  After all these decades haven't I done one smidgen of something significant?  And then I wonder why do I put such weight on trying to accomplish that?  Shouldn't I have a wiser and more mature view of life?

Perhaps I am looking at the question incorrectly.  As with all reflection it involves one's self.  I am looking at things that involve and that are controlled by me. Perhaps I need to ask if I learned anything in my faith journey?  To ask if I listened and was obedient to God throughout those decades?  On that front I have tried, but I still am a slow learner.  Certainly if it takes me many decades to "get it", I am in good company. Most of the individuals in the Bible took a while to "get it". 

Even so, I realize that it is time to get my act together.   I am tired of half done goals, thoughts but no action on self-improvement and the same lament year after year.  I am ready to finish or  forget it and move on to something else.  Either way, I do not want to look back in another four decades and see that I still am writing about the same old complaints, anxieties and issues. 

What about you?  Have you ever traveled back in time via old journals or papers?  What had you noticed about your former self and your current one?  Have you ever set out with improvement goals and met them?   How did that make your feel?  If not, do you want to?  How would you go about it?

I keep imagining what it would look like if I dedicated the next year to finishing the things that I have focused on for all these years.  What would it look like if  I actually did make changes that I think need to happen? 

The thing with a post mortem it explains the cause of death or literally "after death".   There is no reviving the body and getting a do over.  How fortunate we are that in reflecting on the past and moving towards the present, we are able to put an end to all the angst over unfulfilled goals and dreams and move on to other things in life.  

10 Travel Tips

As I have been thinking about our trip, I was thinking of things that aren't told in travel guides but I think are key  to having a good time.   

1. Sense of Adventure.  One thing that was brought home is that we have to have a sense of adventure, a go with the flow or a "when in Rome" mentality.  For all the carefully planned itineraries, things happen- lines are longer than expected, train workers go on strike, the weather may or may not cooperate.  Actually I kind of like when things don't go as expected or a new challenge occurs.  It provides an opportunity to test one's mettle.  Will I fold in despair or rise to the challenge?  Many times the solution and its experience is much better than planned.
2. Remove one outfit from your bag.  Even though each of us had only one carry-on, I still brought more clothes than I actually wore.   Partly it was due to the weather.  I had looked at the temperatures for Rome, Florence and Vienna before I left but the actual weather was slightly different.  Not that an extra shirt or skirt took up much room, but it seems once you are schlepping bags through airports, onto trains, buses, up and down escalators, stairs and down cobbled streets every little item seems to gain extra weight. 
3. Wear good walking shoes.   I am so glad that I brought the shoes I did and that I had three pairs so I could rotate every day.  I had some goals in mind. Closed toe because walking through the streets can be a mess.   One pair was a comfortable slip on which was helpful with airport security. There were places in Rome that I was grateful for the toe protection. I needed a pair that would be good for bike riding. My walking pair that I used on our Oxford trip was perfect- light weight, stylish and rubber soled. I also didn't want shoes that screamed ugly American.  I found a nice pair of wedged, espadrille type sandals.  They were stylish but I could navigate through the cobbled streets fine. 
4. Carry a water bottle with you.    We always set out each morning with full water bottles.  You never know where you can find water.  Some of the "touristy" places really soaked you for it.   We did find water pumps throughout Rome.  The first time we saw a workman stop and fill up his bottle we wondered, is it legit?  It was an old pump, had a greenish patina on it.  But it was cold and fresh.  Turns out it is part of the Roman aquaduct system.  Of course while I was drinking from it,  I turned to my family and asked, "Do you think they upgraded the lead lined pipes?"
5. If you see something, buy something.   We visited one of the local Saturday markets in Florence.  The choices of fruits and vegetables were amazing!  Fresh, colorful and tons of variety.  At the market they also were selling household wares and clothing.  Some new, some used.  There were some new Italian linen pants and shirts that were very inexpensive.  I toyed with getting something but decided against it.  After seeing the same type of items here at the states, should've gone for it. 
6. Purchase online tickets before hand.   There were some place on our itinerary that we knew we wanted to visit.  We weren't quite sure of the day but we just decided to fill in our plans from home. We noticed on our last trip, if you schedule online that many times the cost is cheaper, you don't have to wait on line at the ticket booth and you don't have to worry about money. 
7. Eat where you see the locals eating.  We had a wonderful dinner in Vienna (actually we had many wonderful meals, cannot think of a bad one) at a local beer garden.  It was a local brewery and they had simple wooden tables set up under the canopy of a tall tree in their courtyard.  The ground was covered with fine stone that crunched as people trudged in.  People were greeting one another, coming from a day's work or celebrating with friends.  There was a Vietnamese family sitting at the table next to us.  During the meal another table dweller approached them, asked where they were from and explained that he was in Vietnam.  There were shared stories and drinks among them.  Quite a picture of community.  
8. Try the language.  Well, my experiences with languages are not so great.  But I did make a noble effort.  Of course, every time I said thank you, it sounded Spanish.  
9. Visit smaller museums or take a day trip.  We visited a very small museum in Florence featuring Leonardo  Di Vinci. I think it might have been geared for kids but it was just up our alley.  They had prototypes of the different machines and inventions that Di Vinci drew in his notebooks.  Plus, they had a very interesting movie about his life. 
10. Read up about places.   Ideally it is best to read up about a place before going there.  It makes the entire experience so much more rich and full.  But, as in our case, we didn't have too much time before hand to do that so I am reading now.  The benefit in reading afterwards is that when places are described I can see them in my mind's eye. 

What about you?  What travel tips would you offer?  

What I Learned on my Summer Vacation

1.  Take time to enjoy experiences and people.  I was so struck with the non-hurried lifestyle of vacation. Not just our experience but the lifestyle we witnessed of those around us.   Of course, I am sure that there were plenty of locals who rushed about and felt that they were rushing but the atmosphere did not feel frenetic.  I liked the pace we set while on vacation but I don't know how we can transpose that feeing now that we are home.  I am trying to set more wiggle room in my calendar- prepare for interruptions, plan ahead for activities as well as plan fewer amount of items to do in a time period.  I am trying to enjoy the moments.
2. Eliminate the clutter.  The apartment we rented in Vienna was very modern.  It wasn't spartan or minimalist but it certainly didn't have any extra frills and thrills.  It was refreshing.  It made me think about our home and all of its stuff.  Since we have returned, both my husband and I are in the process of decluttering.  I had mentioned once before that my goal is to eliminate 1/4 of items/stuff in each of our rooms.  I am getting there.
3. Just because things have always been a certain way, doesn't mean it has to be that way.  I think sometimes we get so caught up in doing activities because that is how we have always done them.  Not that what we were doing might be wrong, but we never allow ourselves to experience something that might be different and possibly better.  I noticed this with European meals, especially breakfast.  When we landed in Italy via Air Berlin, our morning airplane "breakfast" was a sandwich.  At first I couldn't stomach it. We had been up all night flying and had had dinner in the air.  According to our flight times it was 2am EST but with the time zones, we were 8am in Dusseldorf.  According to our airlines, it was time for breakfast.   And according to our son who lived in Vienna for four months, breakfast might consist of what we think as "lunch" food.  We noticed more meats at breakfast in Florence, Rome and Vienna. Actually when I finally ate the sandwich, (waiting for our connection to Rome)  it was rather tasty.  Reminds me  that I don't have to fit into societal norms of what is "done". 
4. It takes just as much effort to dress nicely as to dress sloppily.   Now that we are back in the states, it is hard to pinpoint what exactly was the clothing difference between the European dresser and his American counterpart. (baseball caps? logo and messaging t-shirts? sneakers? ) The people walking about in Rome, Florence and Vienna seemed so much more well dressed and more put together.  They appeared to be more civilized and respectful of others. (not that clothes are that important, but sometimes clothes doth make a man)  My husband and I noticed the difference this past weekend when we attended a local street festival in our home town.  In the middle of the crowded street I stopped and thought, "We were at some festivals in Vienna and this looks so different."  It wasn't until then, that it dawned on me that the attendees' clothing was what made it seem different. At this weekend's festival, people seemed so sloppy in dress, in speech and in behavior. 
5. Be a sponge.   As always when we travel I realize what an ignorant rube I am.  I have so many things that I want to learn, to explore, to do.  Travel opens up curiosity.  It provides a different way to look at the current experience but I think it also opens up a new way to view the familiar. 

What about you?  Learn anything this summer?  Have you made any changes to your lifestyle? Do you want to make any changes?   How can you take lessons learned or observed and put them into practice? 

What did you learn on our summer vacation? 

La Dolce Vita

One of the reasons I love to travel is that it gives you a better perspective on life.  Sometimes it reminds you that there is no place like home.  Other times, it shows you a different way to live than might improve your home life.  Most of the time it allows you space to view life with a point of view that you normally don't get.  A trip can inspire, encourage and enlighten you.

On our recent trip I was bombarded with so many thoughts and ideas.  Mostly I observed how the "natives" lived and interacted.  Watching them gave me pause to reflect on my life and to think about human existence and what it means to live on this planet.  

One thing that struck me was how unhurried most of the people seemed to be.  Yes, they were coming and going on mass transit but there didn't seem to be the frenetic pace that I witness in my neck of the woods.  I realize that I was on vacation (and perhaps they were too) so I wasn't going at a frenetic pace (but close enough with our task master son who had organized the trip and kept us on schedule) but the whole tone of the subway, streets and venues was one of unhurried enjoyment.  The only time that I felt somewhat frenetic was at the Vatican and being part of the tourist laden blob that was posing as a queue winding (more like pushing)  its way through multiple cramped door ways and rooms on the way to the Sistine Chapel.  

Here are five thoughts that I gleaned while overseas:   

1. Embrace the past while living in present.  Both apartments where we stayed were built over a hundred years ago.  The facades and interiors had that old world charm.  Yet the decor and amenities were sleek and modern.  
2. Limit/reduce the amount of time with electronics.  We certainly saw people on their smart phones both walking around and while they sat at a restaurant.  And I am sure people spend time on the internet in private. But we didn't see the majority of people doing that.  It seemed as if the majority of life happens in community; people were engaging and socializing with one another in the parks, outdoor bistros or beer gardens. The rooms and apartments where people live are not that large so they are forced to find larger spaces.   
3. Know what you don't know.  Nothing convinces me more that I am a dumb little oyster than by traveling and speaking to foreigners who seem to speak English without trouble.  They also seem to be well versed in their politics, our politics, various places in the world and all sorts of different subject matter.  I feel like a sponge trying to soak it all in. I certainly have topics I want to pursue and research now that I am home. 
4. People are people wherever they are.  As much as some people seem more sophisticated or polished, at the end of the day, we are pretty much the same with the same concerns, the same gripes and the same joys.  At all times during our travels- whether mass transit or airplanes, the overheard conversations among family and friends, wealthy or poor, blue or white collar, western or eastern european,  all sounded the same. 
5. History does repeat itself.   As we read the information plaques in the Roman Forum, Colosseum, Da Vinci museum of Florence, Albertina Museum of Vienna I was struck on how much about human nature has not changed.  There is still jealousy (Da Vinci was extremely jealous of Michelangelo), fear (many of the Roman laws were enacted to keep order since there was a large slave population) skepticism and scapegoating (you can see Galileo's finger in the Galileo Museum in Florence).   All of the same emotions as people are trying to make sense of their place in the world. 

It seems as if it always comes down to balance.  Balancing work, play and study in ways that bring enjoyment of life. Learning to take each day as it comes and to be mindful and fully engaged in whatever we are doing at that moment.  La Dolce Vita. 

La Dolce Vita- "The Sweet Life".  Our apartment overlooked this street.  

Traveling God-Winks

We had some interesting experiences on our recent vacation but no more than through our plans to come home.

While we were in Vienna our one son decided to purchase a new skateboard.  It was a fine thing for him to do as it is one of his hobbies and there are some famous skateboard companies and parks in Vienna.  It is a nice memento for him from his trip. 

Unfortunately we started wondering how we would transport it home.  All four of us had carry-on bags. When we travel we try to avoid checking baggage (have had too many friends with stories of lost luggage.)  The airlines on which we were flying were pretty strict about the weight and size of the carry-on but we were entitled to one free checked bag each.   So once the board was bought, we decided that we might as well purchase the items we were contemplating but hesitant due to the carry-on packing restrictions. We might as well use at least one free checked bag.  (We successfully did our travel duty- helping the economy of Florence in their leather industry through the purchase of shoes, jacket and bags.) 

We decided we would purchase an extra bag for all our items or pack in a box and check that through.  We looked for bags everywhere we went.  We measured hard cases, soft cases, duffle bags, etc.  Nothing would quite fit the skateboard.  We were ready to go to a packing store and purchase or "make" a cardboard box to fit. 

In the lobby of the Vienna apartment where we stayed, there was a shelf that various items would appear and disappear.  We learned that this was the "free for the taking" shelf in the complex.  We saw towels, maternity clothes, books, videos, stationery, unused toiletry items come and go.

On the second to last day of our stay we returned to our place and there was a duffle bag on the "free" shelf.  We measured it and the skateboard fit it perfectly.  Plus, the bag had wheels on one end for easier carrying. On closer inspection we realized why a perfectly good bag was for the taking- one of the zippers wouldn't close.  Not to be dismayed, I got out my travel sewing kit and using all the contained thread, sewed up the broken zipper side.  Then we purchased packing tape and wrapped the entire bag. It travelled through the baggage compartment beautifully.

One could say that the placement of the bag was a coincidence or just good luck or good karma. I believe it is another- a God-wink that demonstrates to me that the Divine cares about all the details in our lives. Of course this was not a necessary item. It didn't add to our basic needs but it was something that allowed us to bring home and enjoy some material things from this world. 

I think that God like to do nice things like that for His children.  I think He likes to give good gifts to us.  In the New Testament, both Matthew and John write of Jesus saying, "If you who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him? " 

What about you?  Have you experienced any "coincidences" while traveling?   Have you seen any God-Winks lately? What would that mean to you if God gave you a wink?  Would it encourage you?  Exasperate you? Annoy you?  Have you ever shared those experiences with others? Too embarrassed?  Too guilty? Too dismissive? 

Whether you are traveling today or not, keep your eyes, mind and heart open to God's gifts, even if it is something as frivolous as a checked bag. 

The unpacked bag when we got home.  All came through fine. On the right side you can see the red threads that helped keep that side of the zipper closed. 

European Vacation

Buongiorno!  Guten Morgen! 

We just arrived home this week from a wonderful two weeks in Europe.  One week was spent in Italy and the other in Austria.  It was a time when all four of us (my husband and our two sons) had a chance to be together and see places that we have only read about.

As we travelled around I was struck with many thoughts and ideas.  I am sure that my posts in the next couple of weeks will reflect them.  The thing that struck me the most was the civility that was displayed, especially in Vienna where we spent our second week.  It wasn't any surprise that I since discovered that Vienna is considered one of the most livable cities in the world. 

The first thing that I noticed that the city was clean.  In some ways I hate to say that because it sounds superficial. A city being clean is saying that attractive people are nice.  Which we know isn't necessarily true.  Cleanliness doesn't necessarily equate to being good or great.

However, it was so striking that I couldn't miss it. We travelled pretty extensively around the city and its environs and I rarely saw any litter.  The buildings looked so neat and put together.  The Viennese have a certain aesthetic.  When we would pass through the more manufacturing and industrial areas of the city even the lumber or parts were stacked neatly.  The workman fixing the stucco on the apartment building next door to where we were staying had the scaffolding, gear and even construction debris all neatly organized.  It was a beautiful still life of practical objects.

In observing the habitants it occurred to me that this is not a city of neat freaks (although if you lived there and were not one you might feel out of place).  It seemed as if the underlying reason for neatness was that there is a sense of "we are all sharing this space together and so let's make the most of it".  It is a philosophy of consideration.  Leaving the place just like or better than you found it.  The is always an exception that proves the rule. At one of our supper picnics in the local park, there was a family who left some trash on the bench.  But I also saw people picking up dropped paper and blowing debris and putting that detritus in the trash can. 

There seemed to be a respect for others and each one's personal space.  We did not witness any raucous behavior or even extremely loud conversations in public.  People waited patiently in queues to get on and off mass transit.  One is allowed to carry open containers of alcohol.  We saw many people enjoying a bottle of beer or wine during lunch or evening repasts.  I am sure that some of the gatherings can get loud but we never saw anyone out of control with the drinking.  On one of our day trips we met some Canadians. In speaking with them about many issues the husband spoke about Canada and its very strict alcohol laws.  He feels that Canada's confining restrictions causes the public to abuse the drinking unlike the Austrian's more liberal policy where the drinking is just a part of one's day.  Whether it is the moderation principle or that the Austrians are just polite and considerate and wouldn't think of over imbibing as to abuse and ruin their space through drunken disorderly conduct, who knows? 

It just seems as if the neatness and organization stems from a love of aesthetics and keeping things beautiful.  There is a correlation between surrounding oneself with fine art, good music and great ideas that lifts one out of the humdrum of existence. It appears to be a philosophy of enjoying life and letting other's enjoy his/her life too. No wonder there is statue of Goethe in one of the parks. 

What about you?  Have you had the opportunity to get away?  Did you observe behaviors or norms in the place where you went?  What strikes you the most when you travel?  Can that philosophy travel home with you?

After spending some time in Europe, I wish I could transplant some of the ideology here.  Not all of it mind you, but just the best parts from each place. I think I might start with my own home and its aesthetics. Not because I want to be a neat freak but because it is important to drink in with our senses all things that are beautiful. 

Coming Home

I wrote this post before vacation but will publish it on the Monday we return.  I have tried to have things in order so that our "reentry" back to our norm will be relatively painless.

The best laid plans of mice and men.

This week that we return I have to hit the ground running: doctors' appointments for family, moving one family member and continuing the paper work for another's move in addition to trying to get back to my writing.  Looking ahead at my calendar and the two week delay of activities, I am wondering is the vacation worth it? 

Seems like I am not alone in thinking this way.  As Americans, we work hard but we have a hard time taking off.   According to Project:Time Off ( whose goal is to shift culture so that taking time off is understood as essential to personal well-being, professional success, business performance, and economic expansion.)  Americans wasted 685 million of unclaimed vacation days in 2015.  

Many people don't take their paid vacation because they don't want to appear dispensable to management.  The thinking is, if management can manage without me for a week or two, they might think that my job is redundant or irrelevant and consequently fire me.   Interestingly, the Project: Time Off coalition found that "employees who take 10 or fewer days of vacation time are less likely to have received a raise or bonus in the last three years than those who took 11 days or more."  It is the employee who uses his/her vacation that financially benefits.   

It is so important to get away- preferably physically, but also mentally and emotionally.  It is important to have time away and responsibilities lessen.  For some, vacation is few and far between but is necessary.  It is the sabbath of our working lives.  The other lesson from the Project: Time Off study is that one needs to plan for it.  If we don't plan, we most likely won't do it. "The single-most important step workers can take is to plan their time off in advance, as more than half (51%) of planners used all their earned vacation time compared to 39% of non-planners. Yet less than half (49%) of households set aside time to plan their vacation time each year. Further, planners reported greater happiness in every category measured, especially relationships with partners and children."

In order to make the vacation and its "reentry"  a little bit easier I am trying to get things in order before hand:  house cleaned, yard in a livable state, correspondences up to date, writing submissions done, desk in order.  It does make things a little crazy before we leave, but it is a push that makes the whole vacation more enjoyable for me.  I can relax because I know that things are "shored up" for the next couple of weeks and when I return it won't be too hectic (or so I hope).   

What about you?  Are you having a vacation this summer?  Will it be restful?  Are you looking forward to it or are you dreading the reentry? 

I have found that when I plan for vacation and for my return, it is more than just coming home.  It is a home coming filled with great memories, rest and rejuvenation. 

Noodle maker

Have you seen one of these?  It is a noodle grater or called some such thing.  It  takes vegetables and spirals them into long "noodle- like" strips.  The strips can then be used as an alternative to pasta.

Friends of ours shared that they had one and that they had lots of fun making new recipes or alternating old ones with the "noodles".  Plus, for people who are limiting their carb intake it provides a nice alternative. 

I love ours.  It has given us some new taste thrills.  Our son who was never a fan of zucchini is eating it through our zucchini spiral "noodles".

I love finding new uses for old things.  In this case, a new way to prepare and present veggies. 

I also love finding new used for old things from around the house.  Items that may have been designed for one thing in mind but now are repurposed for another.  I started thinking of the things that we "reuse":  

• Christmas cards- front and possibly the sentiment (if neither has any writing on it).  Cut into smaller gift tags for next year's present
• Plastic bags from store or newspapers- use for doggie bags, lining waste paper cans (although I am trying to reduce the amount of plastic bags from stores)
• Old, stained cotton tablecloth- cut out the good parts and made into smaller napkins
• Jelly jars-  vases for cut flowers for friends
• Old spices- flavor to our dogs' dinners
• Dead bamboo sticks- lashed together to make an enclosure for our raspberries
• Cracked mixing bowl- Use as a container planter 
• Disposable leftover containers- washed, use as containers for garden fertilizer, grass seed, etc.
• Old kitchen knives- sharpened and use to cut and divide perennials 

What about you?  Do you repurpose things on a regular basis?  What are some of your ideas?

The Fifth of July

What does the fourth of July mean to you?  With the phenomenal success of the Broadway show Hamilton, I am somewhat amazed that there is not more of a cultural interest in our American beginnings.  I guess I am comparing it to the American Bicentennial and at that time, it seemed that there was a national interest in all things colonial. 

Of course, that was forty years ago and a lot of water has passed under the bridge.  We have witnessed more wars, experienced recessions, lived with consequences of corrupt politicians, questioned our history and legitimacy of being a world dominating power and seen the world become smaller through globalization.

Recently I found the song book for the musical "1776" among my mother's things.  At the time it was one of my favorites.  I found that I was a sponge to soak up all things related to our Colonial and Federal period.   I still appreciate the clever lyrics and I still find that I prefer American Revolution history over Civil War events. 

It might be that I appreciate the independent, greater good streak of our eighteenth-century forefathers rather than the selfish hiding under the umbrella of states' rights nineteenth-century ancestors.  (I know, a biased and limited account from my part.  I very much realize that both time frames do not reflect or honor a vast majority of our population- the African American slaves who were sacrificed beyond imagination for the White Americans' benefit.) 

More importantly, what does the fifth of July mean to you? Because as much as we may have celebrated yesterday with cook-outs, parades or fireworks, today is a new day.  We may have been reminded of our past with all its flawed goodness, but we have to move forward with our future.  What does that look like?  For us as a nation?  a community?  a family?  as individuals? 

Can we sit by and watch as individuals and people groups are discriminated against, violated of human rights, or treated with disrespect?  Can we allow our government to become isolated from the world around us?  Should we succumb to the national gossip? Should we take those in power to task for saying things that are not true or half truths?  Can we demand better of our leadership? Can we stand up to tyranny ("cruel, unreasonable, or arbitrary use of power or control") among our leadership? 

Sometimes I wonder what our founding fathers would make of this current United States.  Would they have wondered how we fared? That we fared as long as we have? Would they be surprised that we struggle with the same issues as they did? 

In the musical, "1776" there is a poignant soliloquy by John Adams. He reflects on letters from a discouraged General Washington.  Click here to see the clip from the movie.  

Adams:
Is anybody there?
Does anybody care?
Does anybody see what I see?
They want to me to quit; they say
John, give up the fight
Still to England I say
Good night, forever, good night!
For I have crossed the Rubicon
Let the bridge be burned behind me
Come what may, come what may
Commitment!
The croakers all say we'll rue the day
There'll gobble be hell to pay in fiery purgatory
Through all the gloom, through all the gloom
I see the rays of ravishing light and glory!
Is anybody there? Does anybody care?
Does anybody see what I see?
I see fireworks! I see the pagaent and
Pomp and parade
I hear the bells ringing out
I hear the cannons roar
I see Americans - all Americans
Free forever more
How quiet, how quiet the chamber is
How silent, how silent the chamber is
Is anybody there? Does anybody care?
Does anybody see what I see?

I think our founding fathers were incredibly brave and wise.  But they were no better nor worse than we are today.  I do have hope that people are listening and talking.  That we do see from where we came and to where we are headed.  I do have hope that this fifth of July and onward will be a time of renewal in our land. 

Come Through

"Come through".  

In watching British television I have noticed that this seems to be a refrain in British shows when a host/hostess welcomes a visitor into his/her home.  The host/hostess will receive the visitor and say, "Come through" and then proceed to usher the visitor through the entrance way to another room in the home.  

I wish we lived in a "come through" house.  Alas we do not.  We live in a very nice but small and humble abode.  When you come through our front door, you are immediately placed in the living room. There is no transition, no chance to collect yourself, collect the visitor's coat, etc.  

"Come through" seems to indicate that one has to travel through from one place to another.  While it may be brief, there is a change that occurs.  Coming through from one room to another has implications that things may be different in the new space.  There are possibilities in the come through.  But you just cannot immediately get there from just coming through the front doorframe.  You have to traverse through another space.

I love the idea of "come through" in our lives.  It has occurred to me that each of us experience situations, difficulties and trials that require us to "come through".  Try that we may, there is only one way to go and that is through.  Sometimes we  have to traverse through grief, disappointment, forgiveness, anger or frustration in order to get to a new place of contentment, acceptance, or even joy.   

I know that there are times lately when I wish I could just get to the new place of acceptance without traversing through any struggle.  But that would negate any lessons learned and would probably not be sustainable. It is through those struggles that I finally "get it" and understand more of the world around me. 

It reminds me of the children's song "We're going on a bear (or lion) hunt".  The chorus says: 

"We can't go over it. 
We can't go under it. 
Oh no! 
We've got to go through it!"

What about you?  Are you going through something?  Or are you avoiding something?  What do you need to help you go through?   Can you help someone else "come through"? 

Gifts From The Sea

My well worn copy...

One of my favorite books is by Anne Morrow Lindbergh- Gifts From The Sea.   I try to re-read it once a year.  It revives me, refocuses me and helps me regroup especially regarding my writing.

I have pulled it out this summer and have added it to my reading pile.  

Even though Anne wrote this book over fifty years ago, I find that the truths still resonate.  She speaks to human relationships, to life/work balance, to creative pursuits, to solitude, peace and contentment.  It seems that in this day and age we have even more need of her philosophy.  As humans, we can only process so much and so we need to step back, pause and recharge.  "For life today in America is based on the premise of ever-widening circles of contact and communication." Imagine that was written before cell phones, internet or Facebook!  She challenges us to "remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life." 

What I love about the book is her " search for outward simplicity, for inner integrity and fuller relationships". It is important to take some time and reflect on those ideas. For me, what better way than through the sea. I may not get a chance to go to the sea this summer but I can try and bring the sea to me.  I can make time to "get away":  block out a week or a day, free from obligations and return to a rhythm of simplicity, of deep reflection and of time spent with others.   

What about you?  Do you find the summer is a good time for reflection?  Do you have a chance to slow down the rhythm of your life? Do you have "annual" books that you read?  Any re-reads?  What about them resonates with you?  Lifestyle?  Escapism?  Reminder of ideals?  Inspiration?  

This weekend, why not check out your local library or local book store.  Reading is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. 

A Few of My Favorite Things...

Our two extremely goofy Jack Russells.  My husband calls this picture, "Fish, On Ice" .  I call it, "Strike a Pose".  These two will sometimes lie like this for a good 15- 20 minutes.

I love going to museums and learning little tidbits of information.  Plus I enjoy coffee. 

Low tide at one of the beaches at our beloved Cape Cod.

The Robert McCloskey Make Way for Ducklings statues in Boston's Public Garden.  One of my favorite books as a child and one of my favorite cities. 

What are a few of your favorite things? 

Reality Check

Recently I stayed at a hotel while attending a family event.  It was a lovely facility, set in a wooded area with lots of footpaths, plenty of inviting seating throughout, a full spa, etc.  The thing is, everything about the experience- from the driveway approaching the front door, to the toiletries in the bathroom- was all about the "experience".  Staying there would make you feel picture perfect, glamorous, elegant, no worries, no problems, thin, tan and straight white teeth.  And it was all fake.

Full disclosure- I haven't stayed in many hotels nor do I travel much.  So it was a complete surprise when the television contained a menu complete with my name on the top, "Welcome Virginia Ruth.." as if they had taken such personal care in my stay. On the menu one could choose the television, internet connection, dining options and a myriad of other activities.  Unfortunately it appeared that I could not connect to anything.  All that would display on the television was a very slick ad repeating over and over, encouraging one to plan another stay with this hotel chain.

 I was not interested in all the gadgetry.  I just wanted to check the local news/weather. 

At our son's graduation there was a swarm of camera phones being held up to film the momentous occasion.  If one was from another planet, you would've thought that the crowd  was performing some religious ritual in which each person raises a rectangular object towards a robed gathering on stage.  

Certainly it is important to capture what we can on film.  But when capturing the moment takes precedence over being in the moment it makes you wonder? The family sitting next to us was so busy trying to film their daughter walking across the stage via focusing their camera on the jumbotron.  Each one had their eye through a lens but didn't look at the actual stage so that after their daughter passed, they turned to each other, "Did anyone see Jennifer go across the stage? Did anyone get a still picture of her?"  No one had.  

I think we may have come to a societal place where virtual ideas, experiences and relationships have taken over reality.  Even our so called news can be questioned as to whether all or parts of what is reported took place and is true.  Of course, we all know that Facebook pictures are a highlight reel of only what is the best and greatest disguised as "Ho-hum, our lives aren't that perfect.  Not."

If you are like me and frustrated with this made up world, what can we do?  How do we keep a reality check and how do we not get sucked into the vortex of virtual life? 

I think we need to remember the basics.  We are flawed as humans. No one is perfect.  There is no perfect body, relationship, physical setting or material object.  That doesn't mean that being flawed is bad it just means that is how it is.  In some way that should cause a great humankind sigh of relief.  Everyone falls short.  No one is better or worse than another.  That is the reality.

We need to be wary of anything smelling of slickness: advertising (All they want is your money), latest time saving gadget (Really? Will it add quality years and meaning to my life?), carefree lifestyle (And who is having the carefree lifestyle?  The underpaid employees who keep the fake lifestyle going?) 

Looking at life realistically does not mean that we should be pessimistic.  When we view life realistically we see flaws but we also see possibilities and opportunities for change and growth.  We see ways that others might be struggling and we can help knowing that we too struggle.  It produces real relationship. 

When we view life realistically we compare that what is promoted and said with what is true.  When we use truth as a template, most things even if difficult, will fall into place.  The truth will set you free.  Free from disappointment in false expectations, free from confidence destruction comparisons with others, free from wasted time and energy on something that is not really there. 

That is the reality check.

Pictures Worth a Thousand Words

Bumper sticker.  Seen on a recent dog walk.

My favorite pencil- Ticonderoga.

Seen on a building that used to be a tobacco plant and warehouse. 

Seen at a national retailer.  What were they thinking when they produced this fabric?  Who has bought one? 

Good News

Last week I heard an encouraging environmental story.  For many years any news story related to the environment was one of doom and gloom.  But last week it was exciting.

Humpback whales have made a comeback.   In NYC!  There has been many sightings of whales, dolphins and seals in the harbor and waterways around the city.   The water is cleaner and less contaminated. Schools of fish and smaller organisms fill the harbor and rivers. 

According to Popular Science magazine website: 

 “Because of the improvement of the water quality, algae and zooplankton have multiplied, giving good food for the menhaden [a small oily forager fish beloved by whales], which have returned in numbers that the fishermen say they have not seen in their lifetimes,” Paul L. Sieswerda told PopSci. Once a curator at the New York Aquarium, Sieswerda has since founded Gotham Whales, an organization that conducts tours and monitors the presence of whales, seals, and dolphins in NYC. “Our surveys show an exponential increase in the number of whales since 2011 when we first began our studies," he said. "Prior to that, whales were only seen intermittently."

I remember talking about ecology in my eighth grade science class.  The teacher had friends in the NYPD who told him that if there was an investigation that required a dive into the Hudson or any of the surrounding waterways, no one could enter the water with any cuts or abrasions. The slightest opening in one's skin could be potentially dangerous or lethal because of the toxins in the water. 

What a far cry from today.  

I am encouraged because the cleanliness of the water has turned around in my lifetime.  When the reports came out in the 1960's and 70's, who would've believed that change could happen?  The turn around for the whales required both the habitat to be improved and safe guarding the population through legislation with the whaling industry.  We may not have personally changed the habitat for whales, but our awareness of not dumping into city water ways or our decision to support or not support an industry or manufacture which honors or ruins the environment, does.  

Our biology major son has said that if we, world wide collective, would reduce the consumption of fish and consequently the fisherman would reduce the over fishing practices, that in five years we could reverse the problem of species annihilation and gaps in the food chain in the seas.   Our oceans could return to a healthy balance.  

When everyone makes a small change or sacrifice, big things happen. Small or large, it is all interconnected.

I find it interesting that one of the largest creatures, the whale, ingests some of the smallest creatures, plankton, for fuel and food.  It is because the habitat for the algae, zooplankton, and small fish have improved that the larger creatures have come back.  Small impacts the large. 

What about you?  Hear any good news stories lately?  What do you do, small or large, that has consequences on the environment?  Have you noticed any changes?   What small change can you make today in your life?  Environmentally?  Physically?  Emotionally? Spiritually?

The whales story is more than just about the environment.  It is a reminder to all of us that small change can have a big impact. 

There is a photographer who spends most of his time capturing these beautiful water behemoths around NYC.   Click here to see his amazing photos.

Fostering

Last Friday as I was getting breakfast I was listening to the radio.  They were playing the Friday StoryCorps segment.  It was dedicated to Father's Day and the idea that being a father is much more than biology.  The segment highlighted a couple who were foster parents.  They described how they felt after the first child they fostered had to be returned to his parent.  At first it was devastating to them. However, they learned something in the process.  One of the dads stated,  "I think in some ways, having to love someone and then give them up makes you less demanding of other people, just generally speaking. I think the other thing is being a foster parent made me want to be a foster parent even more. It’s hard to lose kids, that’s for sure. But I can do this, and I can help them." 

The idea of loving someone and having to give him/her up really resonated with me. Isn't that we are told?  "If you love something set it free.  If it comes back, it's yours.  If it doesn't, it never was."  That expression can be thought to describe fatalism: if the fates determine a relationship is to be, it will be.  Or, one can decided that relationships are all about free will.  A true relationship is one that allows the other freedom.  

In some ways, this dad seemed to imply that this ideology is only for the case of foster or "temporary" relationships.  But can it also be true for those whom we love and lose to physical death or emotional distance? Is it true that if we love them we should also be willing to give them up?  

I surmise that this dad recognizes that we have to enter into any relationship knowing that there is a risk involved.  It may be painful, it may even be devastating but it is so worth it. 

I liked his observation that the process of letting go helps us to be less demanding of people. I don't think that means that we are less involved or committed to our relationships rather we are more thoughtful. We know that there are risks to love and that we cannot hold any relationship too tightly.  We need to hold them as if we were holding a precious Faberge egg: each is beautiful and unique but also fragile and vulnerable to pressure. We have to cradle the egg carefully because even our own handling may cause it to break. Sometimes our own demands and expectations of a relationship can be crushing. When we are less demanding we intentionally provide cushion space in those relationships.  We can allow it to thrive. 

What about you?  How are your relationships?  Are you too demanding? Expecting too much than humanly possible from another?  How can you provide cushion space in your relationships?  Does that mean giving time, trust, or permission to others? Allowing them the space to be whom they need to be?  Is it allowing those we love to fail?  Or risking that we might lose them? 

In some sense we are all fostering relationships.  We are all foster parents. 

Rethinking

This week I attended the book launch of a woman who has been attending my Tuesday PM Bible study. I have gotten to know her a little bit through our gatherings.  When she made a comment about her new book, one that was twenty years in the writing, I knew I had to go. 

Her book is a memoir about her life.  Boy was I blown away with all that has happened to her in her lifetime. While I knew a little about her, nothing prepared me for her story.  She is a remarkable person and has incredible resilience, strength and grace.

It just goes to show me that it is worth taking the time to get to know people.  So many people have incredible stories if we just take the time to be with them and to listen.

What I love about the story is her honesty. She is quite candid about her feelings of all her travails.  Part of me is chagrined as I read the book: she has endured more than any of us can imagine yet she has done so with grace.   I wonder, no, I know, I wouldn't be so gracious.   Yet she inspires me to be better.

It has me rethinking.  How am I facing adversity?  With grace and acceptance or with whining and gnashing of teeth?  How am I in listening to others' stories?  Do I take the time?  What life lessons am I missing in my oblivion? 

What about you?  Read any inspiring books lately?  What are you rethinking? 

Back Cover.  To entice you....

Time Perspective

We are heading out for vacation soon. In preparing for our trip, I have been thinking about what I need to do before hand and what I will do when I get back.  It occurred to me that all, about which I have been thinking and have been worrying is so short sighted.  Probably when we return things will naturally resolve and  I will not be so intense about my situation and my current concerns. 

I met with some friends the other week.  They have younger children than we do.  Hearing their concerns about schools, sports clubs and eventually college brought me back to the time when I worried about those same things.  I wonder, at the time, how much time and energy did I devote to thinking about those things when in reality, most of my mental gymnastics did nothing to change the outcomes.  I just  aggravated my family as well as myself.   You would think given all the attention and time to those worries that I would carry those memories in my heart. The thing is, I completely forgot about those feelings of anxiety and overwhelming consternation until I spoke with our friends.  Obviously it wasn't too great a concern if I cannot remember much about it.  

In cleaning out my father's house I came across pictures and memorabilia that returned me to the time when those depicted scenarios took place.  I can almost hear the conversations around the kitchen table or on the beach blanket.   Again, I think of the mental gymnastics we performed as a family as we discussed (ad nauseam), decided, revisited, discussed some more a problem or situation one of the family members was having.  I am sure that if we currently asked the highlighted family member about that situation they would say, "What?  Oh yeah.  I remember that now.  Funny how I had forgotten.  I don't know what was such a big deal." 

I do think that time does provide great perspective. Unfortunately I wish that I would remember that when I am in the middle of a situation or problem.  I wonder how many cycles of worry, problem, worry, intense worry, thinking of problem all the time, problem resolved, problem forgotten that I need to experience before I cut out the worry stages.  I guess all I can do is try to remember that things do have a way of working out regardless (and most probably in spite of) of our fretting and fussing.  Sure it is good to plan and be proactive in situations but the ruminating of past events and worrying over hypothetical scenarios does nothing. 

What about you?  Are you in the middle of a worry, problem or concern?  What do you do to help resolve the issue?  Talk to others about it? Revisit and replay the scene, dialogue or situation over and over again? How can you gain some perspective?  Can you "go on vacation"  from the problem?  

It may take some time but my concerns today are not at all my concerns from yesterday. So too, I know that my concerns for tomorrow will not be what they are today.  

And that is a good thing. 

Maybe if I remember that concerns come and go I won't be too anxious while they are here. 

Bird's-Eye View

I finally was able to work on the gardens this weekend.  Boy, did it need tending.  It is amazing how quickly things grow and become out of control when we are busy with other endeavors.

I was surprised to notice a robin's nest in our small cherry tree.  I had seen some unusual rustling of its leaves but from the house side of the tree you cannot notice anything.  It was only when I was in the yard working, did I hear and then see some small little ones reaching their necks up with mouths open.  Momma (or dad- hard to tell with robins) bird kept coming with worms and other delectables for their offspring.  

In the late afternoon I was planning on watering the garden.  It was only after the sprinkler was on for a bit that I remembered the birds. I worried about getting them wet.  Of course I know that they are in the rain as a normal part of their existence, but I was worried that the angle at which the sprinkler sent the sprays might overwhelm them. 

It was an unnecessary worry.  Chalk it up to being too much of an urbanite.  But it did get me thinking....

I wondered what the robin thought.  Did she have any of the following mental dialogue:   "Rain?  I didn't sense any coming.  Better batten down the hatches.",  "I can't believe that Mr. Robin didn't build us a nest with a covering.  What was he thinking?",  "Why us?  No other nests seem to have a water problem".

In my anthropomorphic musings I thought, "Do robins complain about their circumstances?" If only I spoke "robinese"  I would tell them to hold on.  After the trials of the rain, the ground will be conducive for collecting worms.  In enduring a short time of discomfort, they will be able to reap a sustaining benefit. 

Maybe they know that?  Maybe animals are better in tune to the trials and tribulations of life and its consequences.  Maybe they know that life is full of ups and downs.  Sometimes things that seem like a problem are just the means and method to deliver something good. 

Unfortunately I think as humans we need to be reminded of that.  I need to be reminded of that. When I am in the middle of a difficult situation I forget that there will be an end to it.  I forget that sometimes the end produces a benefit.  It may be something tangible, like my robin friend and her worms or it may be intangible like a character trait of patience, self-control or empathy.  I need to hear from someone who speaks "robinese" to tell me that there is something on the other side of difficulty. I need to be told- hang on.

I find that when I read the Bible I hear God telling me exactly that- hold on and hold on to me.  I may have trials and tribulations in this world, but I need not fear because He has overcome the world.  He has my back and my best interest at heart.  He has been teaching me to look at the world with His eyes: there is purpose to what is happening, there is a bigger plan than what I see and that I don't need to know everything because He has it covered. 

This last year with the care of my father has been difficult on so many levels: physically- I have lost almost ten pounds, financially- I have had to turn down job offers because of his care, emotionally- I am so drained that I do not have much to offer to my immediate family and friends and wonder how long they will put up with my "absence", spiritually- I keep wondering what God is trying to teach me through my trying to be obedient in the midst of another's demands and needs. Yet, I have been witness to so many blessings- through my writing about my struggles I have met some wonderful people.  I have found myself having greater empathy of those who have struggles.  I am learning to be present, not relieving the past or anticipating the future. I am learning to appreciate each day and to look for things for which to be grateful even if that is a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I am trying to learn (very slowly) to replace complaint with contentment. 

What about you?  Do you have showers coming down upon your head?  Can you see the softening of the ground and the potential of worms?   Can you only see the problems and the complaints?  Can your current struggles produce a future benefit? 

My little robin friend reminds me to see life with a bird's-eye view.