Manners and Respect

The other day I was thinking about respect.  

It seems to me that all of us cry out like Aretha Franklin, "R.E.S.P.E.C.T"  We want and try to demand respect from others. How do you cultivate it?  How do you demonstrate it? 

Nothing is worse than to feel that you have been blown off by someone who completely dismisses your ideas, your work, or even you.  Regardless of one's opinions, values or beliefs, we still crave respect from all,  even from those who don't espouse our opinions, values or beliefs.  

I was also thinking about people who feel they are entitled to anything as long as it is more, better or greater than to what you may be entitled. Not that they are completely rude like Mr. Bean but the people who think that they are entitled to get ahead of you- merging into single construction lane on the highway, queuing up at the grocery store, seeing the doctor, even standing in line at an entertainment venue. They are the people who feel that they are entitled to having others jump through hoops for them and that they are entitled to say whatever comes to mind without having to worry about any consequence. Their actions demonstrate lack of respect for those around them.

I think both respect and the entitlement mindset should be governed by manners. 

Not in the seemingly senseless white glove, pinky in the air,  tea sipping manners of people with way too much time on their hands.  

Manners in the true sense of why we have them:  to think of others before we think of ourselves, to be gracious and kind, to treat others with respect and not to feel entitled over someone else, to provide human kind with a raised bar and standard so that we are elevated over animals. 

In treating someone kindly and with manners we say more about our character than anything else. It shows self-control by putting others first or holding our tongues. It shows kindness through thoughtfulness. It shows graciousness, when we do not let on that things have not gone the way we planned.  

What about you?  Do you feel respected by those around you?  Why is that?  Are you surrounded by "entitled" people?  How do you treat them?  How do they treat you? How are your manners?  How can you show respect to someone today?  How can you brush up on your manners? 

Pollyanna that I am, I do believe that when we treat others well, when we expect more from them than they might feel capable of in the moment, then we will have a society that respects one another. 

Sock it to me Aretha!

Finish

I have written before about my need to finish: finish my tennis stroke, finish reading a book, finish a project, etc. For some reason the idea of finishing never translated to the finishing of my time spent volunteering or outside responsibilities. When I would be asked if I could serve on this committee or help out with that event I generally say, "sure".  I would just add that request to whatever else I was doing.    It just occurred to me that I need to finish any volunteer work before I say yes to start any new endeavor. 

Has that ever happened to you?  You go along, being asked for this or that and you say yes because no one request requires much in the way of time or money.  But at some point when all the demands start to add up,  the collective investment is exhausting. 

The other day, I had listed all the items that I needed to do for the various committees I am on.  It turns out that I have five major responsibilities with at least four to five "to-do" check offs under each one.  The check-offs require me to create or perform some type of job and they are items that take a fair amount of time.  

No wonder I was feeling overwhelmed.  

I remember years ago a friend shared with me that when her grandchild was at a Montessori school, part of their teaching was that the child learned not to take out another play items, puzzle or activity before putting back the one he was using.  

What a concept!  I need to practice that with my time requests. For some reason the requests to email individuals about a volunteer offering, schedule a rotation chart, design policies and procedures for an ongoing committee, write the curriculum and teach a five week class (among other requests) don't seem too demanding at first and don't  seem to warrant a careful consideration when initially asked.   These are easy things for me to do.

Yet easy or not it is the time involved that has me feeling as if every toy is out in the room and I have no way to put any of it back. 

It seems as if every six months I need to reevaluate what I am doing, to finish what I started and to build in breaks from one obligation to the next.  I used to practice this method of time management but over the last year, life and its demands have me scrambling around.  I know that I don't want to just resign or walk away without a clean and clear break of obligations. 

What about you?  Do you feel the pressure of too many demands on your time?  Are they things that you want to do?  Are they things that have just happened?  How do you manage requests for your time and talent? Do you finish what you started or do you just quit?  What choices can you make that would give you some margin with your time? 

How can you practice putting away one toy before getting out another? 

Keep Calm and Carry On

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for church I heard the news of another terror attack in London.  On the heels of that report was the panicky stampede at a soccer game in Italy resulting in over 1,000 people being injured.  According to the news report no one knows the exact cause of the Italian stampede.  There is speculation that people panicked when they heard a loud noise thinking it was an explosion. 

In listening to all the terror attacks (and they should be called terror because they are terrifying to the individuals regardless who is initiating them),  I was reminded of the British saying "Keep Calm and Carry On."

I knew that the slogan was from WWII but I didn't know its origin.  In 1939 the British government formed a Ministry of Information to provide publicity and propaganda to the British people.  The MOI came up with a couple of slogans: "Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution will Bring Us Victory" and "Freedom is in Peril" .  Those posters were hung on public transport, shop windows and notice boards. The final poster, "Keep Calm and Carry On" was to be used if Germany invaded the land.  It was never used.  It was believed that all the published but never used posters were destroyed.  A second hand book shop found one hidden among some old books they had bought at auction.  A small portion of others were also found.   The slogan may have been from over seventy years ago but the sentiment is still needed.  Click here to read more.

I think world wide we need to hang that poster on public transport and around our cities. It is understandable to panic and be anxious about large public gatherings and foreign travel but panic and anxiety can ensue even close to home.  The spread of suspicion, mistrust and paranoia is exactly what those who want to reek terror want to do.  In fact, as in the case of Italy, they didn't have to do anything- just let people's own imagination and instinct do the dirty work.

What about you? Do you find that you are anxious and panicky?  Do you look at others with suspicion?  Does the climate in the world and nation have you rethinking your plans?  

And how are you, not only in the global sense, but also with your individual plans?  Are you feeling panicky and anxious about your current situation?  Do you feel that you stampeding forward with poor decisions or caught up with other's jumpy conclusions?  ER doctors and others in true crisis management excluded, when we feel rushed we very rarely make good judgement calls. 

What can you do to keep calm and carry on?  Is it to find more margin in your life?  Do you have to say no to people and situations?  Do you need to avoid those people who cause stress in your life?  (at least for the time being)

While I think we need to be wise and prudent about out travel and to be aware of our surroundings and how we conduct ourselves, I think we cannot let those who want to strike terror into our lives succeed.  I also think that we can be wise in our personal lives.  In some seasons of life we cannot avoid stressful and anxiety producing situations, but we do have a choice.  We can keep calm and carry on. 

The Encouragement Spiral

This week I witnessed the power of encouragement for both the encourager and the recipient.  We may live in a time when people use their words as weapons of division and destruction but I do believe that words can still be used as tools for reconciliation and improvement.

I play tennis with a variety of women.  They come from different backgrounds: religious, socio-economical, age, life experiences, professions.  The other day I was playing with two who work in the school system- one as a social worker and the other as a reading specialist.   The reading specialist shared that she had an encounter with a parent on her walk to work.  The parent shared his gratitude in her helping his child who was having difficulty learning to read. "You've changed the trajectory of his life."  

My friend was flabbergasted.  What an awesome statement and what an awesome responsibility. But because of that parent's comments, it made her day. It still encourages her even on days when the teaching is incredibly difficult and she wonders if she is making any impact.

My other friend was sharing the difficulty that her school faces in trying to provide structure and consistency for children whose life circumstances are beyond control.  The children in her school have witnessed and are living lives that we pray no one has to experience much less small children.  Much of the time spent is not in educational instruction but in helping these children calm down and be somewhat prepared to learn.

She was sharing that when she can, she tries to share with parents their children's good behavior.  She shared that a little first grader always says "Good morning. How are you?" to her.  Even if my friend doesn't initiate the conversation the little one makes her way to my friend and will initiate a hello.  My friend saw the girl's mother and told her what a well-mannered child she had.  As the mother and daughter were leaving the school, my friend overheard the mother tell her little girl how it made her quite proud to hear how thoughtful and mannerly she was.

The thing is, both my friends have anecdotal experiences of the power of receiving of a compliment and in the giving of one.  It is a continuous spiral of goodwill.   Compliments give us the encouragement to go on doing what we are doing. It says "I recognize the hard work you are doing. Your deeds are not unnoticed or without merit."  Encouragement of others, provides the giver the pleasure and satisfaction in knowing one's words made another's day.  I can think of nothing better than making someone else feel good about him/herself.  

What about you?  Have you received any encouragement in the form of compliments?  How can you encourage those around you today?  Do you look for ways to encourage others?  What would it take for you to offer a few nice words?  

When we engage in uplifting and edifying conversation of one another we build up community.  It is an upward spiral of encouragement.  And God knows, we need it.

Pay Yourself. First.

Do you ever feel frustrated that the things that you need to do in order to stay sane, happy and balanced seem to get relegated to the bottom of the to-do list and ultimately not done? 

Lately I have been experiencing that.  Certainly we all have experienced  temporary crises when we need to focus on matters at hand and we have to let things slide.  But when it becomes a lifestyle and the mode of daily operations, there is a problem. 

I was reminded by a dear friend to remember to take time to do what I need to do to bring me joy.

First.  

It reminded me of the financial advice that one should "pay oneself first, before you pay any other expenses."  The idea is that one should put away an amount in savings first and then use the remainder for expenses.  If you try financial planning the other way around, saving whatever is left over after expenses, then you will never have amounted much savings.   We may be well-intentioned to save but unless we do it first it won't happen.

I think we need to practice that same discipline with our time.  First we need to do what is important to us before the time gets snatched away with other matters.  Due to various circumstances, it may not be the length of time we want or the mode and mean of our plans.  Nonetheless we have to faithfully keep plugging away at what is important to us.  Preserve that time, action or deed.

For me the two things that I feel I must do is read my Bible/pray and write.  When I don't, I get cranky, depressed and overwhelmed. I get angry with myself for not guarding my time and disappointed over the time "lost" to other endeavors. 

When I am able to do those two items daily, my days seem to flow smoothly.  I am reasonable, understanding and I am sure as my family can attest, much more pleasant to be around.  Some days, I know that I won't be able to spend too much on either activity but a little time goes a long way.  Just doing a couple of minutes makes a hectic day seem less crazy. 

What about you?  Have you ever paid yourself first?  In time or finances?  What did/does that look like for you? If you are in a place when you cannot pay yourself?  Why not?  What can be loosened up or rearranged so that you can do so?

The airplane oxygen mask analogy has become a cliche to explain the point of first caring for oneself.  (Oxygen Mask Rule: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.”  Reason being- there will be no time to help anyone without your mask.  Falling from over 30,000-40,000 feet altitude would cause you to pass out within 15-20 seconds if you do not have your oxygen mask on. )

Yet in essence, paying yourself first in time or money is the practical way one can care for oneself and not experience the helplessness of no savings or no time.  If we cannot save enough money to bring about financial peace or cannot do the things that bring us joy then we are existing not living.

If I want to live joyfully then I have to pay myself.  First.

It is I

Do you ever feel afraid?  Not just butterflies in the stomach or things going bump in the night afraid, but afraid of the future or of things that might happen?  How will bills get paid?  What if my beloved dies?  What if I have to spend more time and money than I have on parents, children, or family?  Will my children grow up safe?  Will I get sick or disabled?  What if I lose my job? How will I manage all the stress on my time?

Some days the worries and concerns keep piling up. It seems as if life's demands are like an never ending leaky faucet:  Drip.  Drip. Drip.  And there appears to be no way to turn off  the demands.

The other week I was feeling that drippiness of life.  It just seemed like a never ending stream of:  "Can you do this...?  Can you pick up...? I need such and such... Would you mind doing... Would you be available?  

As it happens so many times in the past, as I read my daily Bible reading, the verses for that specific day spoke to those issues on my heart.  I was reading the story of Jesus walking on water (John 6: 16-20). As the story goes the disciples were out on a boat, traveling across the sea to get to the other side.  They had just come from participating and witnessing the feeding of the five thousand.  They must've been exhausted.  Can you imagine anything worse than thousands of hungry people and not any quantity of food around?  Sure, they witnessed and were part of a multiplication miracle but prior to that occurring, the atmosphere must have been incredibly stressful.

So, off they go on a boat and Jesus is no where to be seen.  Were they worried that something had happened to him?  Were they worried that something would happen to them?   As they were rowing the seas got rough and the wind started blowing.  It is interesting that these seasoned fishermen would be scared and worried about a familiar situation.   But how many times have I, under unfavorable conditions been worried and anxious for no apparent reason.  Things that normally wouldn't affect me at all, can become major issues when I am tired, hungry, angry or stressed.

It is in that stressful and worrisome time that the disciples spy someone, an apparition coming towards them across the water.   Jesus speaks to them first, "It is I.  Do not be afraid."  In my Bible translation it suggests that the phrase, "It is I" is deliberately chosen.  "It is I" harkens back to when Moses encounters God at the burning bush.  "I am who I am".   That phrase should remind them that God is the one who was, who is and who will always be.  He has provided and protected them in the past and will do so in their future. They need not have any worries or anxieties.  He is with them and will safely take them ashore.

I need that reminder today.  Jesus tells you and tells me, "It is I. Do not be afraid" every time we feel that life's stressors are getting the best of us.  He tells us that when we are worried about our future and its seemingly non-ending drippiness of stress.  And he tells us that when we need to get to where we are going.

Jesus' walking on water was miraculous and memorable.  The action of His walking and defying natural law showed Him to be divine. He doesn't need special transport to go across the water. He can just move as He wills.  And yet, even in His splendor of His divinity He was interested in calming the fears of His subjects.  Once Jesus enters the boat, the seas calm and all is restored. The disciples didn't need to be afraid because He is who He is and He cares for each one of them.

You and I do not have to be afraid, worried or anxious.  We have access to the Divine who will get into our boats, love us where we are, eliminate all our fears and take us safely to shore. 

What about you?  Are you worried and anxious about much?  Do you need to witness a walking on water miracle before you can trust the One who calms the seas? When things are tough, remember "It is I". Remember the One who walks on water yet also gets into the boat with us so that we are no longer afraid. 

Too Late?

Do you ever feel that you are too late?  Too late to accomplish much in your life?  Too old to respond to God's call?  Too worn out to be of any use? 

Lately I have been reading more of the Bible and deepening my prayer life.  In doing so I am wondering, "Why wasn't I this committed years ago?"  I feel that God is teaching me much yet I cannot help wondering what I missed out because of my past lack luster commitment.

I have also felt that I have missed out on what could've been professionally.  What would've happened if I made a career out of hospital nursing?  What would've happened if I didn't take time off to raise kids?  What would've happened if I had followed my heart with exploring creative endeavors and occupations during college? 

Well, I will never know and in some ways that is okay.  I have had a varied path and it all is good.

But now that I have started on this writing endeavor, I sometimes wonder if it is too late. Perhaps I will run out of time before I get going?  Why does it take me so long to learn things?

I have been thinking of things that I wished I learned earlier:

• To enjoy the moment  
• To laugh more  
• To reach out to others more  
• To be more vulnerable 
• To take risks
• To not be so serious

What about you?  What things have you learned?  Are you still learning?  Do you feel that it is too late?  Is there anything you wished you learned earlier in life? 

I love to hear stories about older individuals accomplishing feats in their "dotage".  (Perhaps because I am closer to that season of life than not, it speaks to me.)  Some of those who accomplished in their later years:

• Paul Cezanne had first art exhibition at age 56
• Julia Child began PBS cooking show at age 51
• John Glenn went into space at age 77
• Grandma Moses started painting at 76
• Peter Roget invented the thesaurus at age 73
• Colonel Sanders started KFC at age 65 (using his first Social Security check for $100!)
• Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida at age 64

I think I have shared before, but the jazz band at my parents' retirement community was called "The Never Too Late" band. 

Sorrow and Love

Once again our church community is mourning the loss of a beloved member.  Once again a parent has lost a young adult child.  Once again we are coming to grips with sorrow and love.

It seems wrong that a child dies before his/her parents.  It is the wrong order of life and death. Unfortunately it is a place that we have visited a fair amount of times with dear friends and with extended family.  It is a place which begs me to scream and wail at God, how can you allow this to happen?

A couple of weekends ago was the family visitation and a memorial service.  It was beautiful: so peaceful, so compassionate, so life affirming.   There are not enough nor adequate words to describe the young man who died.  He was an original with a capital "O".  Someone who squeezed every ounce of life out of his twenty-eight years on earth. He was one of the most self-assured, comfortable-in-his-own-skin, approachable, lovable, accepting individuals.  He inspired people to be the best version of themselves because he inspired people to be the version that God sees.  

As with all deaths, I think we tend to focus on our own death- what could people say about me, would anyone come?- but we also think of our loved ones- what would I do without him, how can I go on without her?

In the particular case of this death it was so sudden. There was no disease, no accident, no indication that anything was amiss.  He was here living life and then he was not.  There wasn't time to have any bargaining with God as if we can ever bargain for lives.

As a mom I know that I would respond to God, Lord, take me instead.  I would most certainly be willing to give up my life for someone else.  But would I be willing to give up someone else? Am I willing to lose someone I love to death?   I don't know how much I would be willing to give up our boys or my husband if there ever was a choice.

Yet, that is what God did.  He gave up His son, sent Him to earth, allowed Him to be separated from His heavenly father for a time in order to have Him rescue all of us for all eternity.  Because of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, there would never be separation from our Heavenly Father again.

And so God sometimes asks us to be willing and perhaps to actually, give up things, people and relationships in order to get us in a place where we may never be separated from Him or our loved ones again.  I think of how God asks us to be like Abraham and to be willing to sacrifice that which is the most meaningful to us (in his case, his son Isaac). God was more concerned with Abraham's obedience than the sacrifice. 

Do I trust God with all that I have, with all of my life and with all that I love?  Can I entrust my future to Him even if it might bring me temporary but great sorrow?  I pray that no one ever has to endure what our friends and loved ones have. But I also pray that I may come to a place that I can say, "thy will be done" whatever that might be. 

It is a place where sorrow and love flow mingled down.  It is a place that we visited over that weekend.  It is a place where through our tears we can still see the Glory of God through community, care and love of one another.  And it is a place, strangely enough of hope. 

One of my favorite hymns is "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross".   It came immediately to my mind when I first heard the news of the death. 

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Words

In cleaning out my dad's home we have had to sort through many books.  Even though my dad is a reader, most of the books were significant to my mom.  With each book I can see her lovingly cradle it in her arthritic hands as she would describe, sometimes in great detail, (no summarization for her) the book. She loved a good turn of phrase, a corny joke or a deep morally convicting story.

On the bookshelves I found newly published books as well as older ones.  The older ones weren't necessarily classics or life changing tomes but still had significant words, ideas and thoughts. 

It made me think about our words.  Those older published books that my mother saved,  don't seem relevant or significant today but must have meant something to her at the time.  

I thought how true that is with words, stories or ideas that once resonated with me.  Sometimes they still have meaning, but other times they no longer capture my attention as once before.

Then I thought- do words always have to be life changing?  Can't they sometimes be significant or meaningful just for the moment?

Even the most life changing words, those words from the Bible, speak to me at different times and different seasons in my life.  And while it is life changing, I think of the psalmist words, "thy words are a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". Like a light in the dark that just gets you to the next place down the road, sometimes the words are just what we need to get to the next stop.

What about you?  What words do you like?  What has been life changing for you?  What can you say today that might be just the right words for someone else, for just today? 

April Showers

Many years ago I had taken a writing course with the author Julianna Baggott.  She was great. Not only a wonderful writer but an articulate, funny and caring human being.   One day we were talking about plot and character development and she used the author of "The Fight Club", Chuck Palahniuk as an example.  He is known for adding much conflict to his characters' stories. Just when you think the character is dealing with a lot, more tough situations are dumped on him. As a reader, one gets to see how the character handles or doesn't handle the stress.

Do you ever feel that you are having to do as much as you can handle and then even more things are showered upon you?  That feeling of being so overwhelmed that you know it is only the shear volume of the things that are surrounding you, that keeps you upright.  You would collapse but there is no where to fall because the stressors are on top, beside and below you.  

This morning I was feeling that way.  The irony is that I am in the middle of writing the curriculum for a five week class on prayer. Talk about a living example!  Talk about a reality show!  I am praying for strength like you wouldn't believe.  I wonder if I can handle all the volume of things on me?

Here is what I am learning in this process:

1) I have to read the Bible every morning.  If I don't I will collapse.  It is more than just a feel good or a "keep myself in God's good graces" activity. It is sustenance to my soul.  If I didn't eat breakfast in the morning, I would not be able to be my best.  

2) Delegate and let go.  There have been some situations that, in my normal schedule I would be involved.  But because many days I have to be in two or more places at once, I have had to let others pick up where I couldn't be. 

3) Tell your loved ones what you need. I am so grateful for my husband.  I have told him that I just can't think about meals for the next couple of weeks and he has taken that off my plate. (no pun intended)

4) Prioritize and say no.  There are so many other things that I need to do this spring.  One such item was to scrape and paint the outside of our screened porch.  But I know that there is no way that I can do it.  I have other similar items of household things to-do as well as commitments I had made in past years.  I have had to say no and try to free up some time.  Getting my father situated in an assisted living arrangement is priority number one. 

5) Be kind to yourself.  This one is the hardest things for me to do.  For me, to be kind to myself I have to give myself permission:  permission that it is okay to not do everything, permission to know that I will disappoint others especially those who think I should do everything, permission to know that I can take a little time for myself.

I also realized that I need to allow  myself  to enjoy the stressors.  Sounds crazy but I am realizing that life is an ebb and flow of a flurry of activity and a time of stillness.  I want to appreciate it all: the good, the bad and the ugly.  I don't want to get through this time of my life and be angry at myself for not handling it with grace. Someday I want to look back and say that it is only through God's grace that I was able to handle all that came my way.  I want to be able to point to blessings that have sprung up from the stress and give God the glory. 

I want to be able to say that, "Yes, I did have April (stress) showers, but look at all the May (grace-filled) flowers."  

What about you?  Do you feel you are showered with conflict?  How are you handling it?  What steps can you take to lesson the load?  Have you seen May flowers from your April showers? 

Gardening Perspectives

This weekend was beautiful in the Mid-Atlantic.  Hopefully it was just as nice in your neck of the woods.

Yesterday, I had a small window of opportunity to work outside in our gardens.  I don't know why it is, but getting some dirt under my fingernails feels good to my soul.  It appears our neighbors must feel the same way because they were out in full force, digging, planting, mowing and mulching.

We have some newly-moved-in neighbors to the south of us and had our first seasonal chat over the back fence about gardening plans and projects.  As new owners of a home that has been neglected for over ten years it was interesting to hear their plans.  Already in just an afternoon they had put in some serpentine shaped herbaceous beds lined with stones along the corners of the square back yard.  I commented how much better the yard looked.  "Oh thanks but we have a long way to go." 

Later as I was working on my yard I thought about our little chat.  When I glanced over I could see how much improved their yard was becoming over the way it was.  Before there were weed infested spots with patches of hard dirt, overhanging dead limbs from balding evergreen trees and a space under the deck filled with rotting wood, half- decomposed dry leaves and rusted old gardening tools. Now they have a clean blank "canvas" under the deck, a lovely sitting area surrounding a fire pit and trimmed trees.

I know that when I am in the middle of a gardening project all I can see is the task at hand; elimination of weeds, division of out of control hostas, tidying up stone gardening paths, etc.  It also seems to be the time when I notice other projects that I cannot get to; scraping and painting the exterior of our screened porch, sorting and eliminating gathered gardening material and never to completed projects e.g. reusing the wood from an arbor for part of a potting bench. 

 Yet if I am truly honest it is not a bad as I think.  As much as I think that I have so much to do and things are not "finished", I have had neighbors and passers-by comment about our inviting back yard. For them they see the overall effect of shrubs, plants and sitting spaces. They don't see the weeds popping up between the patio stones. 

I think that sometimes we need the perspective of looking at a situation from another's point of view.  For instance we might feel that we are not handling a difficult situation well, yet someone else seeing what we are going through might notice our quiet strength. By looking at a situation through the lens of another, we might be able to be encouraged by his/her handling of a similar situation. In this world of "sandwich generation" I have seen how some of my friends have handled moving an elderly parent and I am able to glean encouragement and practical help from their experience.  

Other times we are too close to a situation to have perspective.  We need to give distance to the problem.  I noticed that too yesterday as I was upstairs getting ready to come out to work on the yard.   While there, I glanced down on the back yard from one of the upstairs windows.  The gardens looked quite different from that view.  As I looked down I thought, "I need to move the garden statue over a couple of feet behind the pond. If I move the crepe myrtle bush I can open up some space over there..."    That birds-eye view helped me correct some issues that were bugging me but I couldn't quite figure out before. 

What about you?  Are you going through a situation that needs perspective?  Can you step back and give yourself some distance to the problem?  Can you talk to others (friend, family or neighbor) and find out what they think?  Can you gain some gardening perspective? 

Easter Ending

Do you read the end of the book first?  

When I am in the middle of a good novel, I sometimes (ok. I admit it. almost always) will read the final pages.  It doesn't spoil any surprise for me.  I guess I do it so that I won't receive any unexpected surprises in my read.  Looking back  I think it stems from my childhood.  I was enthralled with Louisa May Alcott's characters in Little Women, Little Men and Jo's Boys.   As all young romantics I wanted Jo to marry Laurie.  I had asked one of my older sisters if that was the case.  In typical sibling fashion she didn't want to tell me and after much pestering she said yes.  (You can see the scene- older, teenaged girl wanting to get rid of the pesky little squirt, so she is told what she wanted to hear.)   Boy was I surprised and shocked when Laurie married Beth. *****

As a life long Christ follower I have experienced many Holy Weeks and Easters.  Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday are somber and reflective days. Time to ponder and think about the sacrifice of Christ, what that means to our lives, how we live those lives and how we can commit to honor Him. 

But I have trouble being that somber.  For I know the rest of the story.  Jesus is not buried in the tomb.  There is no grave marker to visit.  Jesus is ALIVE.  He conquered death in order for those who believe in Him to live eternal lives with the Creator.  To live as God intended us to live in the first place- choosing Him, living a life that honors him and eventually living a life of eternal praise and worship.  

In this case, because I know the rest of the story it does impact the "story of my life": loving God and loving others. Certainly there are surprises along the way.  Situations, experiences and people that change and shape the direction of the plot yet I know the final scene.  It gives me great comfort and great assurance. 

What about you?  Do you read the back of the novel first?  How does that impact your experience in reading the book?  

If you don't know Christ, what do you need to make His acquaintance?  If you knew that you were going to Heaven when you died,  how would that change the way you currently live? 

I would encourage you to visit a local church this Easter.  Generally churches are pretty full on Easter so if you are shy about going, it would be easy to slip in and just experience the service.

Try it.  Read the final pages first.  Happy Easter this Sunday. 

***** Correction:  Pointed out by one of my faithful readers and dearest friend.  Laurie married Amy (the spoiled youngest).  Beth was the one who died from scarlet fever (I had thought it was consumption).  Obviously my remembering skills are lacking!

God Winks

My dad used to be a winker.  When a situation would happen, whether difficult or pleasant, he would look at you, his eyes would twinkle and he would give you a quick wink.  It was a secret communication between him and the recipient.  The wink said, "Do you see the humor or irony in this situation too? Or it was a quick wink of encouragement.  It said, "You are special and I love you."

There are times in my life when just a little encouragement like that can make my day.  It keeps me going.  It keeps me focused on whatever the task may be.  It keeps me grounded especially when the wink validates the ridiculousness of an overly dramatic situation

I think God gives winks like that. 

I just read a passage about that in my daily reading. I love the story of Gideon the reluctant soldier and leader of Israel. (Judges 6,7)  Gideon just needs some extra reassurance that he is on the right path.  On many occasions before he does what God asks of him, Gideon will ask for a specific sign that could only come from God.  And God gives it to him.  It is almost as if God is winking at him, telling Gideon, "Trust me.  I love you and I will be with you every step of the way." 

But the part of the story that struck me the most comes mid way in Gideon's story.  In Chapter 7 before Gideon starts asking for a sign, God tells him what that sign would be:  "But if you are afraid to go down, go down to the camp with Purah you servant. And you shall hear what they say, and afterwards your hands shall be strengthened to go down against the camp." (Judges 7:10)  That God wink, the encouragement to Gideon because God loved him and knew his nature, gave Gideon what he needed to do at the time. 

A God wink.  A sign of encouragement when needed the most. 

There are times in my life when I receive the encouragement that I need to keep going.  Little validations that say "You are on the right path.  Don't let anyone discourage you.  I love you and want the best for you." 

Yesterday I experienced a whole lot of God winks with the kind responses and comments to my little meditation in Upper Room.  I was so touched by people's words. I was so humbled that people would take the time to write. I was so encouraged by those who validated my writing. 

God was using others and their words of encouragement to give me a wink.

What about you?  Have you ever experienced a "God wink"?  What did that look like?

Where do you need to be encouraged today?  Be on the lookout for God winking at you- through others, through a situation or brief encounter.  The thing about winks are that they are quick. Even so, they can change the whole trajectory of your story. 

Same Moon

This morning I arose early with a feeling of excitement.  Not quite the excitement as when I was little and I knew something special was going to happen that day, e.g. Christmas or traveling on vacation, but still that rumble of expectation in one's belly.

Today is the posting of my meditation "The Path of Mercy" online and the opportunity to see and respond to comments from the Upper Room readers.   I was surprised to see that there were comments at such an early time of morning but then I remembered that this is a world wide publication and the day starts earlier for different parts of the world!

What really struck me was how similar our needs and thoughts are.  I felt such a connectedness. Here are people around the world, living in homes different from mine, speaking different languages, eating different foods, looking different from me and yet we share the same love of God.  We all are striving to be better Christ followers and many of our concerns are the same. 

It makes me feel humble and proud at the same time,  

Humble that the things that concern me and weigh on my heart are not nearly as heavy as what some people bear. My heart goes out to each one as I think about their situations.

Pride in that I am part of this great big beautiful world.  How did we, mere humans, get to be so privileged that we can have a relationship with the Creator of this world and be entrusted to be its stewardship?  Why are we so fortunate that we can have the choice if we want to serve God or not? God doesn't push us, coerce us or force us.  He invites us.  How amazing that we can join God by just responding to an invitation. In my smallness I recognize that I am part of the bigger picture.

How wonderful to know that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are seeing the same moon that I saw this morning.  

How cool is that?   

What about you?  Do you ever think about your place in this world?  Do you feel connected to others?  To God?  

No Grudges

"Who?  Me?  Did you want something?"

What would our world be without our dogs? Less nuts, that's for sure.  

Our Jack Russells, especially the male can drive us crazy! When he gets fixated on something, he completely ignores us. We know that it is due to our poor dog parenting but we can call his name numerous times demanding that he comes inside.  No response.  Eventually he will turn his head and look at us with a glance, "Oh, were you calling me?"  Like there are a dozen Marley's from which to choose? 

The thing is, when he finally comes in we are exhausted and enraged.  How dare he not listen to us?  Don't we provide him shelter, food and plenty of toys? He is a dog and we are his masters.

He is infuriating. Of course, by the time he skips upstairs after his non-listening foray (generally this occurs after going outside @ 4am, doing his business and then barking at nothing until I am thoroughly awake from calling him to come in), he is all ready to continue with his normal routine: leap onto our bed, stick his nose under the covers, sidle next to me, place his head in the crook of my arm and sigh.  Acting like nothing was ever the matter.  He isn't at all bothered by the tone of my voice as I yelled at him to come in.  It doesn't bother him that I will kick him out of bed, possibly numerous times.  He doesn't hold it against us.  He will continue to try and snuggle.

Other times after we have yelled at him we have tried the tactic of completely ignoring him.  Doesn't matter, he will still try to engage us with a game of ball or tug of war. He will forage in his toy bucket for just the right chew toy to entice us to play with him.  His leaping, turning and rolling suggests that he is so happy to have someone with whom to play and you should be happy too. 

Guess that is why I love dogs.  They are so forgiving and loving.  They do not hold a grudge.  They continually remind me to enjoy the present: don't get hung up on the past and don't worry about the future. Nothing in life is ever too much to bear that a good chase of a ball won't cure. 

What about you?  Do you have any pets?  Dogs?  Cats? Hamsters?  Fish?  What have you learned from being around those creatures? 

NOTE: On Wednesday, April 12th the Upper Room devotional will be running my devotional entitled, "The Path of Mercy".  As readers, you can go online, Click Here and comment on the devotional.  I was asked to provide a follow up so you can read that there as well. 

Your Dad's Calling

I guess I have been spending a lot of time with my elderly father.  When our phone rings I am pretty accurate in guessing that my dad is the one calling. Or, if we have been away I just have a feeling that he rang and in checking the caller ID will see a missed call from him.  (He very rarely leaves a message, just a hang up.)

With my mother's death and these passing months I have gotten to know more and more of my dad's habits.  I seem to be connected to his troubles and to his joys.

My uncanny ability to know when my dad's calling made me think of my heavenly father. I was thinking that as a Christ-follower I need to be in tune to God like that: to know His voice, His habits and His calling. I should have and need to have an internal feeling of connection.

Certainly knowing my dad didn't happen overnight.  Even in the first five decades of my life I wasn't that in tune to his lifestyle.  But over the course of this last year I have had to be.  That intentional knowing about him has given us a connection. 

The same can be applied to our knowing of God. I can't expect to automatically know about God.  I need to spend time with Him, to listen for His voice and anticipate His calling. I may not be able to see Him physically but I can get to know Him through Bible reading, prayer and being around others and hearing their stories.  It has to be intentional.  

There is a Bible verse that talks about the sheep (you and me) knowing the voice of the shepherd (God). Even though sheep can be pretty dumb, lambs do know their mammas' voices.  A field of young and mothers will bleat out to each other until they find each other. 

What about you? Have you ever had a connection with a loved one that you knew when they would call? Or have a premonition when they were upset or when they were happy? How is your connection with God? Do you know Him?  Spend time with Him?  What would that require of you? Are you intentional in your relationship?

Well, gotta go, my dad's calling. 

Heartening Hyacinths

The other day I was taking a walk and a enticing scent wafted my way.  Coming from a season of wintry smells, my memory quickly identified it as hyacinths.  Every spring my scent memory gets awakened after a dormant winter.  I looked around and didn't see any hyacinths nearby.  It turned out they were peeking through in a small garden located a couple of homes away. 

Amazing how flowers can send their scents out into the atmosphere.  All in the sake for capturing pollinators.  The amazing thing is how even the smallest of plants or undeveloped plant can still capture its essence.  I had to trim our lilac bush and was amazed that the immature blossoms had a lilac scent.

It only takes a small amount and we can smell it.

Conversely, if any of you have ever inadvertently stepped in dog poop you know that it only takes a minuscule amount to stink. 

Smells, good and bad linger.

It brought to mind how even the smallest comments can make a difference.

I think of how random comments from family, friends, teachers, co-workers or bosses become cemented in our brains. "You're too smart to be a nurse. We know you are not a writer, honey.  With your size, you shouldn't wear ruffles. What do you know about gardening?  Math is not your thing."

The comments might be off-the-cuff, unintentional yet they can linger for the rest of our lives.  I think of those people who never attempt to try something new because years ago someone told them they couldn't.  Or those who are forever struggling with identity and self worth due to someone's careless remark. 

Conversely, I think of the small encouraging words people say. "You're the best suited for that job. That color looks great on you. What a great listener. You have a sterling character. He can handle the challenge."

Small, spontaneous quips that change our outlook.  Like the wafting fragrance from springtime flowers, the comments lift our spirits, put a spring in our step and spread joy. It is sometimes those small comments that encourages a person to try something new or look at life in a different light. 

It doesn't take any more effort to say nice things over harmful ones. One can equally let encouragement flow off one's tongue.  Wouldn't it be more pleasant to be surrounded by an atmosphere of attractive scents rather than odiferous ones? 

What about you?  Have you ever experienced a cutting remark?  Do you still remember it? Do you have an encouraging comment tucked into your soul?  Did someone ever give you a compliment or make a casual remark that has changed your life?   What can you say today that will encourage another person? How can you enhance the atmosphere with your pleasantries? 

There are enough unpleasant smells in this world.  Choose today to be part of the pleasantries. You just never know how far it will go. 

Uncovering Idols

Have you ever appreciated something, enjoyed an experience or valued a person?  Were you able to continue those feelings with that same level of involvement? Or over time, did you ever feel that which was good morphed into an obsession?  Did that good thing become something that demanded your thoughts, your time, your loyalty or your resources?

The other day I was thinking of how good things can turn into bad when we lose perspective. I think sometimes we transfer our hopes and dreams onto an image, experience or person wanting that object to be the end all and be all.  We are sadly disappointed because in the end, an object, an experience or a person are finite and flawed.

Rod of Asclepius.  Used in Greek mythology as symbol of healing. 

I was reading the story in the Old Testament of the Israelites and their on again, off again relationship with God.  In the book of Numbers (21:1-9), the people of Israel were complaining that their rescue from Egypt into the desert had them fearing that they would die. They spoke against God and Moses not believing that God would provide. Those who were disobedient were bitten by snakes and many died.  In their repentance they asked to be relieved of these fiery serpents.  God commanded Moses to make a serpent and set it on a pole. Anyone who was bitten by a serpent and looked at the staff would be healed. It was a good thing and had a specific purpose.  Unfortunately over time the Israelites forgot the main purpose of the staff and the staff became an object of worship.  Many years later, King Hezekiah (2 Kings 18: 4) had to remove and destroy the staff. That which was good became an idol. 

Whether one is religious or not,  I think that anything that loses perspective and purpose is susceptible to being idolized: the seemingly innocent relationships that turn into stalking, the goal of providing for one's family which becomes a workaholic nightmare, the stewardship of possessions that overrides relationships, the....(fill in the blank). 

Have you ever had something that originally was good turn into a problem or detriment? Are there things in your life that you feel are out of control?  Is it caused by obsession, worry, or fear? Would you say that you are idolizing that which is causing that obsession, worry or fear?  Have you become so worried about its possession that you are now possessed by it?  Do you fear that your relationship might end, so you cling to the other person even if it is unhealthy?

What would it take to step back and gain some perspective?  Does the item, situation, or relationship need to be "destroyed" in order to gain that perspective? 

I think in the story of the Israelites, if they had remembered their purpose that they were God's chosen people and that God wanted a relationship with them, they might not have turned a healing tool into a god. If I remember that my material possessions are just things, it is easier to accept if they get broken or lost. It is easier to share those possessions with others. If I remember that my loved ones- both family and friends- are flawed and broken, just as I am flawed and broken then I can related to them in a healthy way.  If I am grateful for the gifts and talents I possess then I will be humble in my use of them. 

If I keep my eyes on God and my heart close to His then I will not be susceptible to idols.

Stretched

I am stretched.  I am sure that you know the feeling; being pulled in one direction and another, trying to meet this need or that demand, having to do so much in so little time.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have found myself stretched almost too thin.

So on Monday as I was attempting to run, the image of stretching came to mind. As I have shared before, I am not a runner, nor do I particularly like the process of running.  However, I do like the benefits of running. I have more stamina in tennis (which is the only type of running I like- going after the ball) and I like the feel of my muscles getting tauter and toned.  Even two days after my run/walk I can feel my tightened thigh muscles. It makes me feel that I have used them.  

But in order to protect myself from injury, I need to properly stretch.  If I don't, any movement or carrying that I do, can cause major injury.  If I absolutely had to, I might be able to run 5 miles without stretching, but come the next day, I wouldn't be able to walk.  It is those times that I am reminded of the preparation needed.   I need to gently pull and lengthen my muscles so that they can handle new strains through running or lifting.  Stretching gives me flexibility and pliability. 

Sometimes life causes us to have to quickly move in our attitudes, our plans or even our physical lifestyle. We may be traveling through life, minding our own business and quite content with how we live our lives.  But something may occur that calls us to reevaluate our situation, our beliefs, or our dreams. Some thing or things happen and we are stretched. 

It is those moments that are the sudden sprints in our lives. We are forced to move. We may be called to situations for which we are totally unprepared and have no resources. We get caught between one onslaught of bad news to another.  We feel like everyone has a piece of us. We are being pulled like Stretch Armstrong.

The thing is, life is all about moving.  It is inevitable.  I need to be emotionally and mentally prepared to move just like I need to stretch before a run. I have to keep my attitude pliable and my viewpoint flexible.  I cannot remain rigid but be open to new possibilities and changes in life circumstances.  

I have found that gratitude goes a long way in preparing my stretched mental muscles.  I practice what I call mental muscle memory:  I reframe the problem/annoyance/disappointment into an opportunity. I remember my blessings. I remind myself how God provided in past times. His past provision helps me handle the future better.  After all, at one time, the past was the future and it worked out.  

What about you?  How flexible are you?  Are you pliable?  Do you absolutely refuse to go along with a new situation? Do you fight for the status quo? What do you do to remain supple?   Are you stretched or stretchable? 

Because of this stretching time of my life (getting my dad settled into his new residence, etc.) please bear with me as I may not be as consistent with my M,W,F posts.  Sign up to receive the newest posting on the subscribe box below. 

Scent of Spring

The calendar might say it is officially spring but around the mid-Atlantic we don't quite feel it yet. It is still in the stage that the sun seems much warmer when viewed from inside.

I have been clearing out my closet and paring things down.  Last year I wrote about trying to re-do my large, weirdly shaped closet.  That ways round 1 with getting rid of things.  This week has been round 2. 

I used to store my off season clothes with moth balls.  I am one of those people who rather like the smell of them (reminds me of my grandmother). But then I also like the smell of gasoline and the old ditto/mimeograph paper.

Recently I have been using lavender sachets which I have made myself.  It is quite easy.  All you need is a bunch of dried lavender, a porous cloth container, wax paper and some ribbon.

Dried Lavender Sachets: Ingredients: dried lavender, gauzy cloth or fabric gift bags, wax paper, ribbon. 

1. Place a piece of paper or wax paper on your work surface.  Use it to collect the dried lavender as you strip from the lavender stalk. Or you can hold a bunch upside down and rub between your hands  I tend to swipe down the stalk removing the dried lavender that way, although be careful of splinters.  Let the pods fall onto the paper.

2. Prep your sachet.  You can use the gauze type small gift bags (find at dollar store) or make your own.  I had some left over gauze fabric from another project.  Cut a circle as large as you want the sachet to be. (6-7 inches in diameter) 

3. Fold the wax paper in half and funnel the dried lavender onto the center of the circle or into your gauze gift bag.  Collect the various sides into a small ball.

4. Pull taut the opening of the gift bag and tie the strings into a bow. If using your own material, gather the various sides to form a small ball. Tie a bow around opening.  Try to re-loop so you can hand the sachet on hangers if need be.

5.  I have used the left over stalks as kindling for either our inside or outside fireplace.  Burns quickly and smells good too.

I also read about making a safe, good for the environment cleaning solution using water, distilled white vinegar and lavender oils. Lavender and vinegar have natural antiseptic properties but adding the lavender makes the solution smell quite nice.

Lavender Cleaning Solution: Ingredients:  distilled white vinegar, tap water, lavender essential oil, spray bottle.

1. 1 cup Distilled White Vinegar, 1 cup regular tap water, 40 drops of lavender essential oil, spray bottle.

2.  Mix the liquid ingredients in a pitcher or bowl.  Pour into your spray bottle.

3. Use the cleaning disinfectant anywhere on any surface you would use a multipurpose cleanser. 

Do you use natural or homemade cleaning products? What are they? What other smells remind you of spring and warmer weather?