Going Around

As I was taking a run last week, I ran into this situation: 

Immediately I had two different reactions.  I first thought,  "What lazy government worker couldn't properly correct or coordinate the telephone support and instead did a quick fix?"  Then I thought, "Someone's taking initiative- at least they put in some type of walkway to prevent a problem of having people trip over the wood telephone support."

The more I thought about it, the more I thought, what a great metaphor about life. Many times we travel down a straight path and nothing obscures where we are going.  Then due to some type of internal or external change, our straight path gets blocked.  We have to decide how we are going to go- will we try and remove the obstacle, will we struggle through or will we go around?  

When I have obstacles I seem to choose the former.  I will keep trying to remove the obstacles.  I try so hard to keep the path clear.  I plan and rearrange plans so that I can continue what I think is the straight path.  Many times by the rearrangement of plans or the slight tweaking of them, I can keep the path and its focus clear. But every once in a while, something will pop up into my path and I have to figure out what I should do next. 

At those moments I have to consider removing the obstacles in the path. There are times when I must stop and assess the situation.  The road blocks may be too large that I cannot simply push aside.  I have to remove the obstacles before I can go any further on my journey.  It might be the obstacle of asking for forgiveness or for forgiving another.  It might be the obstacle of temptation in all its forms from benign to dangerous.  Or, it might be the obstacle of pride, thinking too highly of myself and I get in my own way.

What the picture reminds me is that sometimes I cannot go the direction I planned.  The path is blocked and there is no way through it and there is no way to remove the obstacle.  I have to set up a way around.   In the cardiac medical model, many people develop collateral circulation- veins and arteries that by-pass a direct blockage by using minor vessels as the alternate path.  The body will naturally set that up in order to preserve life. 

I was thinking of how that affects me in this season of life.  As you know I have been struggling with balance in my life lately.  But I am wondering if what I think is the correct balance is really my trying to force life through a set path.  Perhaps for the time being, I need to circle around and try a different approach.  Maybe I need to look for a way around.  

The new way around may take different forms: Do I need to lower some expectations for myself and others? How should I view the distractions in my life?  Should I spend my energy on those things I "think" are distractions?  Are these really obstacles or my new path? Should I go with the problem rather than fighting it? 

With my current writing plan, do I need to change it?  Should I think about developing a side path since the regular path is, for the time being, blocked?  I am going to experiment with a weekly posting:  Wednesdays at the Well.   My plan is to have a weekly posting (rather than M,W,F) so that I can concentrate on a devotional I am writing.  Some of my postings may be entries and ideas for the book, other postings will be my normal comments on life and wellbeing but all of the postings will be geared towards mid-week inspiration.  

What about you?  Do you ever feel that your path is blocked?  Did something just spring up or was it an obstacle you have always had?   Do you need to remove the obstacle or do you need to go around? 

“Wednesdays at the Well: A mid-week dose of inspiration. Blog postings each Wednesday.”

— wellofencouragement.com

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving.  Boy, am I grateful that Abraham Lincoln declared it a national holiday.  For if he didn't, I wonder if I would ever be thankful?  I would forget about doing it annually much less practicing it on a daily basis. 

This week I heard that the community of Sutherland Springs, Texas was having a Thanksgiving dinner- "Feast of Sharing".  The free meal was originally an event to get to know one's neighbors but this year it has become an opportunity for healing.  What a witness to being thankful even in the midst of incredible grief. 

Being thankful doesn't necessarily mean everything is sweetness and light.  It doesn't look like a Hollywood movie. One can be thankful in the midst of deep hurt, grief, pain and adversity. There can still be hope in the middle of a pit.

The other day I heard someone talk about the difference between condemnation and conviction.

Condemnation is evil and creates absolutes in our thinking. Things are seen in terms of the superlatives always or never.   We think of ourselves as always worthless or that our situation will never get better.  We get stuck in that place where there is no point in trying.  Condemnation pulls us down and keeps us down with no hope of getting up.  

Not only is condemnation hurtful to ourselves but it is hurtful to others.  There is a dismissal towards those who feel condemned or we feel should be condemned.  "You are not worthwhile."    Life becomes isolating for both the condemned and the accuser. There is no community.  There is no opportunity for things to get better. 

Confrontation is loving.  It says even if what has happened through our choices or through our situations may not be good, it is not the final word. Confrontation says that this might be bad but it can get better. What has happened doesn't need to define us.  There is hope for a future.  There is hope for change.  There is hope that this doesn't have to be.

Confrontation is loving to others.  It says, you are worthwhile.  You are worth the investment to help with the change. Even though there might be correction and help it is done with care in mind. "I care for you so I will lovingly help in making things better." 

I am grateful for this Thanksgiving.  I am grateful that even if I feel troubled in a situation, I have hope that things can get better.  Click here to read my nephew's inspirational Thanksgiving message.

What about you?  Where do you find yourself this Thanksgiving?  Do you feel condemned or confronted in a situation or problem?  How can you think about it in a way that gives you hope?  

Ready for it?

Are you ready for next week?  The start of the holiday marathon of food, food and more food: Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, New Year's, Holiday parties.  It is one of those inevitable situations and it is coming, ready or not. 

There are differing statistics of how much weight people will gain between now and January 1st.  Some studies say Americans typically gain 5- 8 additional pounds each year and others say that it is more like 1 pound per year.  Whatever the number, each year the poundage adds up. This is a season of potential overindulgence.  There are different ways to approach it:

• Screw it and eat whatever you want.  You can have the attitude that it doesn't matter.  I will eat whatever, whenever I want. In some respects why do we put guilt and limits on ourselves and our appetites?   I know of people who have this attitude.  Unfortunately they are really not happy with their choices because they end up not eating good quality of food. They would probably say they don't even like what they just consumed. It is just a quantity of food because it is there and it really doesn't satisfy them.
• Monitor and avoid everything.   You can be on the other end of the spectrum and monitor, weigh, limit and avoid all the holiday feasts and imbibing. In doing so you can miss out on the joy of the season.  After all, every culture gathers around food when it celebrates.
• Moderation.  Be a discriminating connoisseur of food.  Enjoy Grandma's annual pie, co-worker's handmade candy or neighbor's sugar cookies.  Not everything has equal taste and "goodness". Choose the items that taste the best to you.  Skip the store bought pastries sent to the office from the insurance agency. Choose the things that you don't normally eat, make yourself or are just here for the season. Limit how many and how often you eat them.  Take you time in eating. Savor the taste.

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If you are prone to overindulge, have a plan this season.  Some suggestions:

• Make sure you eat breakfast and lunch before your Thanksgiving or other holiday dinners. 
• Take a walk before or after dinner.
• Use a smaller plate at any buffet.
• Drink a glass of water before your meal and drink water during the meal (drink a glass between courses).
• Eat a lighter or vegetarian meal during the holiday weekend.
• Take your time as you eat.  Enjoy the conversation and the people around you. 
• Chew slowly.
• Say, "No, thank you, couldn't possibly, I am stuffed." If you do not want to insult a host (depends on the relationship), ask if you could take a piece or portion home for later. 

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What about you?  Any strategies to prepare for the eating frenzy?  Are you ready for the holidays? 

Developing Holiday Resilience

In looking up resources on how to be resilient in the face of stress I found an article that discusses five characteristics that are common to resilient people: being positive, focused, flexible, organized, proactive.  (An article by Karen S. Dickason, LCSW, CEAP © 2006 Achieve Solutions)  Resiliency is the ability to withstand and to recover from adversity. 

While none of these characteristics are earth shattering, I think they are helpful reminders especially when the end of the year seems to bring on much stress.  I can think of many a holiday occasion when I have regretted my actions, conversations or attitude.  I kick myself for not acting with grace under pressure.  "Next year...", I declare.  The spirit may be willing but my flesh is weak. The characteristics for learning to be resilient can help us learn to change and adapt so that we can withstand adversity, anxiety and stress.  

The holiday season can trigger all kinds of adversity- whether that adversity comes from relationships, financial, emotional, spiritual, or physical trials. The subsequent tips in these five areas are exercises to practice in order to develop resilience in our own lives.  Just like some people enjoy running while others prefer swimming, these are not absolutes in developing resilience and ability to handle stress.  Rather they are ideas that might help spur you on to think of something that works for you as you embrace these five characteristics.  The more one practices, the better in handling the variety of stress we find in our lives. 

Positive: 

• Concentrate on becoming better at a new task rather than perfecting it.

• Practice using positive “self-talk” phrases, such as “this too shall pass” or “I will only ask myself to do the best I can rather than never to make any mistakes.”

• During the holiday season, think about why you are doing what you are doing rather than striving to achieve the "perfect" holiday gathering.

• Keep a gratitude journal this season. Begin or end each day with three statements of gratitude.  Some days you might only be able to enter  " grateful we didn't have a heated discussion over the way the turkey was cooked."  Keep a list of daily accomplishments- no matter how small. 

Focused:

• Visualize yourself as you would like to be  (either this holiday season or next year). Put a sign or picture on your bathroom mirror or desk to remind you of your vision. (e.g. enjoy the hubbub during the holidays, not to fight it, be more gracious, etc.)

• Set specific short-, medium- and long-range goals for yourself relating to your change initiative. (e.g. will be cordial to Uncle Grumpy at the family dinner, will no longer play the comparison game with family members, will not be part of Facebook highlights of the perfect Christmas.) Base your goals firmly on your personal values.

• Ask someone you trust to review your goals and give you feedback and suggestions on how you can further target the steps needed for successfully making the transition through the change. (Perhaps another family member has learned to handle Uncle Grumpy.  Ask what worked for him/her)

• For this holiday season, focus on one aspect of the season- perhaps relationships.  If you find yourself in the midst of a change this season (and some type of adversity) and your family doesn't understand what you are doing, keep affirming and reminding yourself of your successes towards your goal. 

Flexible: 

• Learn to see another side to an issue. Swap sides in a discussion where you disagree with someone—you argue their side and ask them to argue your side. (might be a way to preemptively navigate the annual political discussion at the holiday table)

• Put yourself into situations where you need to be flexible.  (e.g. Drive a new and unfamiliar route to a store or a friend’s house. Make note of what you see that’s different from your usual route.)

• Change one aspect of your holiday- e.g. try a new Thanksgiving recipe, incorporate a new tradition- possibly from a "new" member of your extended family or a friend or neighbor.

Organized:

• Purchase and use a day planner.  Use it to keep track of your personal and work goals. 

• Take a few moments to think through and list the key steps you need to take to accomplish a task before you tackle it. (e.g. If you are the one hosting a holiday dinner, start writing out a to-do list of all that you need to do each day before the big day.  Delegate where you can)

• Put pieces of paperwork and important information in clearly marked files and put them in an accessible place. Good time to regroup especially as the year ends.  Start 2018 with organized tax info, health and medical records, etc.

• Break down a problem, any problem, into smaller pieces—then tackle the easiest piece first. 

Proactive:

• Develop plans for managing the worst-case scenario that might result from the change. (Will some of the family be upset and leave the table if you change the menu?)

• Practice assessing the risks about a change initiative by listing all of the pros and cons you can think of. Ask yourself: What if...?

• For the holiday season, if you anticipate how family members react (based on past history), try to reorganize or control the scenario.  (e.g. two family members do not get along- have them visit at separate occasions)

• Plan as best you can for the holidays- shopping, card writing, meal planning, parties, holiday shows and concerts- do as much as you can a head of time and in small increments.   If things are hectic this year, cut out one or two events.  There is no grade or requisite that you have to do any of these things.  You can still celebrate the holidays without any of the hoopla and self-imposed deadlines. 

What about you?  Have you ever employed any of these tactics or characteristics in building resiliency?  How did it work out?  Are you anxious and stressed about the holidays?  What steps can you take this year to reduce that stress?  How can you adapt to changes so that you can no only survive but thrive during this season? 

When Stress Happens....

This week I was reminded of the two types of stress- dis-stress and eu-stress. (A new friend (Rebecca Faye, Smith Galli) is a wonderful writer. Check out her webpage and newsletters )  Back in the day of my designing wellness programs, I scheduled and attended talks about stress and even would give my own lectures on stress.  Stress itself is not a bad thing.  There are good stressors in life- birth of a baby, moving to a new home, getting a new job.  The problem becomes when we cannot handle the stress or when we perceive it as difficult. 

Most of us are in the dis-stress mode. And most, I would surmise are stressed from perceived stressors, or even self-created stressors which doesn't make it any less of an issue.  But if we acknowledge how and why we are stressed, we can figure out how to some coping mechanisms. 

Here are some suggestions for dealing with (dis) stress and anxiety from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (www.adaa.org) : 

What about you?  Are you in a season of dis-stress or eu-stress? How do you handle it?  What are your coping mechanisms? 

Bouncing Back Like Bozo. Part 2

Another thing that is helpful when life's various assaults hit us hard, is to be organized.  When we have too much clutter, too many demands, too many things scheduled, too many obligations, too many of anything we become overwhelmed.  Once overwhelmed have no extra reserves to bounce back to center.  There can be such a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.  We forget that much of the disorganization is part of our own doing.  If we contributed to it, we can also reverse the situation. 

Being organized is subjective to your personality and temperament. There is a spectrum of disorganization on which some people can withstand more disorganization than another.  For those people leaning more towards the obsessive compulsive side, a kitchen sink not wiped out dry with every use is considered a major stressor. While others on the hoarders side of the continuum see nothing amiss with cardboard boxes and newspaper piles stacked over the entire area of the living, dining, kitchen and bedrooms.  No matter what is the trigger, eventually the clutter and disorganization will impact one's outlook and outcomes. 

There have been studies that children and older individuals (ones with dementia) do well with the concepts of simplicity and organization for the simple fact that it causes less stress whether one recognizes it as such.  When I was designing wellness programs for companies, many of the speakers on stress would talk about organizing one's workspace and keeping it (relatively) clutter free. It takes a lot of time and energy to try and find things when there is much to look through and things are not easily found.

Same can be said of our home keeping.  Having a home that is organized with our stuff makes things so much easier.  Even if chaos is swirling around us, we can rest among some semblance of peace and tranquility. Organization can spill over to how we plan our calendars, our meals, and our days.

Here are just a few suggestions that might help you get started in an effort to be organized:

• Make your bed in the morning.  I heard a pretty highly ranked military man speak to a college graduation and his one word of advice, "make your bed every morning."  The idea is that you have accomplished one thing already in your day.  A bed is the largest piece of real estate in your bedroom.  When it is unmade, it makes everything else disorganized.  But once made, you can go forth knowing you already did something for the day plus you will have a more restful sleep that night with smooth sheets and blankets.
• Get rid of 1/4 of your stuff.   Most people have way too much junk in their houses.  I know that we do.  If, God forbid, we had a fire and most of our stuff were ruined, I probably wouldn't replace it.  Telling huh?  I try and routinely go through sections of the house with a ruthless eye, "If I lost this in a fire, would I replace it?"  If the answer is no and it is something that isn't useful or beautiful- out it goes.
• One thing in, one thing out.  My mother-in-law has had this rule.  For anything she brought into the house, she got rid of something from the house.  Makes sense when you have limited space. 
• Straighten your desk before you leave work for the day.  You will come into your space the next morning prepared to tackle the day.
• Take time each week to plan the following week.  This might include your food menu for the following week, your work schedule, items to complete on your to- do list.  You should also put down your plan for balancing the needs of others (volunteer times) and your needs (your activity that brings you joy).  If you are still in the mode of changing your exercise, eating and sleeping habits, add that to your weekly plan. Part of being organized is to let wiggle room in your schedule.  Give yourself permission to not have the day completely jammed packed.  You can always fill it up, but it is more difficult to eliminate things that take your time.
• Keep under notes all things pertinent and important.  There are many different systems out there to help in organization of lists and files- charts, apps, documents, etc.  If you google "organizing important documents" you can find one that fits your needs, personality and budget. Can be as simple as a piece of paper with a list kept in a folder.  The point is to keep in one place the information of important documents: Doctors names and contact information. Prescriptions.  Medical history.  Passwords. Financial information. Tax information. Receipts for major purchases. 

What about you?  Do you feel overwhelmed with your schedule and obligations?  What areas of your life?  What do you need to do to get organized?  What small steps can you take to achieve it?  If you feel pretty organized in your life, what things do you do to stay organized?  

 Simplifying our lives and organizing what we have is another way to bolster our resilience to the onslaught of life.   It is a way that we can bounce back like Bozo. 

Bouncing Back Like Bozo

I have been thinking a lot about the word resilience lately.  I guess it is the natural reaction when you hear about all the tragedy and problems of this world- whether it occurs in another part of the country or in your own home.  Resilience appears to be the key to moving forward in the face of difficulty, but what exactly is it? 

According to the American Psychological Association, "Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences."

It is not that we try to avoid or can avoid those difficult experiences because frankly we cannot.  Change, adversity and stress are givens in our lives.  It is not a question of if they will affect us but when?  And when they affect us do we adapt or handle it well? 

How to we prepare to handle these situations?  How do we develop resiliency? 

I think there are some basic foundational things we can do to be prepared and adapt to whatever possible  stress will happen.  I know that in my own life I can create additional stress by feeling disorganized, feeling that I have too much to do in too little time, or by being physically ill or tired. 

I think a good way to prepare for stress is to have foundational elements in place in our lifestyle.  Kind of like the old Bozo the Clown Bop Bags- those free standing inflatable bags that are weighted on the bottom.  You can hit and punch it and it falls over but it always comes springing back to the upright position. Sure, we will have onslaughts in our lives but by practicing crucial lifestyle elements we can withstand the pummeling and bounce back to center. 

The first is to be as healthy as you can be. That includes exercise, diet, sleep, balance of taking time for yourself and time for others.  Years ago a work acquaintance shared that she had a brain tumor.  It was benign but she had to go through surgeries and some follow up care nonetheless.  She did quite well in her recovery and attributed it to being as healthy as she can be.  "Who knows if I hadn't exercised or eaten well all these years what would've been discovered instead?"

I think too to my post op recovery for my surgery.  I have been told that what I had done is one of the most painful procedures a person can experience but I was able to get through it.  My healing has been pretty fast.  I don't think that it is because I have any special healing super powers but because I am pretty healthy and am used to regular exercise and a good diet.   Of course, these last couple of weeks I haven't been able to pursue the exercise as much but the foundations were there.  In a sense, I have been pummeled but have been able to come back to center. 

If you feel that you are not overall healthy, why not?  Has something prevented you in the past?  Can you start making small changes?

Start by looking at your current practices:  Do you exercise? How much soda and sugar laden beverages or food do you ingest?  Do you eat out a lot?  How many fruits and veggies to you take in each day?  How much sleep do you get? Do you feel drained caring for others?  When was the last time you did something for yourself? What brings you joy? Do you volunteer or help others on a regular basis? Does that bring you joy? 

As we have talked about before, making changes in our routine can be difficult.  Start out small. Plan to incorporate one or two ideas each week.  Remember that your goal is to be as healthy as you can.

• Exercise: Walk around your block before dinner, use steps instead of the elevator, do arm exercises, sit ups or march in place during commercial breaks while watching television, do one errand without using the car (bike, walk or run to do it). 
• Food: Buy some clementines or apples and leave in a bowl on your counter- reminder to eat healthy snacks. Or any other fresh fruit or veggie. Swap out white flour products for whole wheat. Prepare for the afternoon munchies by having pre-measured cut up carrots and humus, nuts or popcorn as a work snack.  Put away the candy dish and give away the extra Halloween candy. If the break room at work is too tempting this time of year, avoid going in.  Plan to not bring into your home anything sugary or prepared with more than five ingredients. Drink a glass of water before snacking. 
• Sleep: Try to get an extra 1/2 hour of sleep each night.  If you cannot commit to that for seven days in a row, try getting some extra winks three nights/week. 
• Balance:  Figure out what brings you joy and what you love to do. Write in your calendar specific times when you can practice that activity.  Look around your family, community, and work for opportunities to help others.  It might be writing encouraging notes, driving an elderly person to the store, volunteering at a school, listening and keeping in touch with many friends or a myriad of other opportunities.  Helping others is only limited by our imaginations. Schedule these times on your calendar too.  A good rule of thumb- make sure that you have just as many outings for yourself as you do for others. 

What about you?  Do you bounce back like Bozo?  Have you developed some basic healthy practices to help?  What works for you? 

Smoked Kippers

Last week I had surgery and have been recovering.  I don't like to wish my life away but if I could fast forward these two weeks of post-op pain, I would.  Short of that, I have been trying to make the best of it.  I have found a wonderful distraction on Netflix- Escape to the Country.  The show involves showing three various types of homes to a couple or family who have decided to give up their English city/suburban life for a country/village one.  I love seeing the homes that have been picked but mostly, love the filming of the different counties in England.  Each show will highlight some particular feature of a specific region. 

On one of the shows, they were featuring the Northumberland coast and were interviewing the family who makes smoked kippers- the quintessential full fry-up English breakfast item. The family claims that they "discovered" them and it was only through a tragedy.   As the story goes, the fish were drying in the wood shed along the dock.  A fire occurred overnight.  By morning they wondered if anything could be salvaged, especially the fish.  The flavor of the smoked herring was acceptable and thus an industry was born.

I love stories where there is a silver lining in a seemingly disastrous event.  I wonder how many disasters that we as a society have gone through only to have missed the opportunities to see potential or possibilities because we focused on the loss?  I wonder too how many disasters that I may have experienced  and have missed or chosen to miss the opportunities to see potential, possibilities or change in my own life? 

It must've been devastating on that morning in the village of Seahouse to see one's whole catch of fish, in essence, one's whole livelihood literally up in smoke.  Where do you start with that type of disaster?  How do you go through the rubble and even begin to see possibility?

Disaster and tragedy are part of the ongoing human condition.  Look to the events in the last couple of weeks.  What do you do when your house has been completely flooded and there are no salvageable parts?  Is there any opportunity in a madman shooter or rental truck terrorist?

Yet I think many of us feel that we are going through disaster and tragedy when the perspective might show otherwise. 

I am even thinking of the "disaster" of this post op recovery.  Certainly it has been problematic and quite painful but it has given me time to be still.  I am not allowed to drive, lift, or strain in any way..  And so I lie down, sit and try to get comfortable in my stillness.  But I am grateful for the pain because that means that I have functioning nerve cells. I am grateful for healing medicine and I am grateful for this respite time.

Not to sound trite or offer platitudes but I really do think the beginning of finding possibility starts with gratitude:  gratitude that one is alive, gratitude that one can make choices and decisions, gratitude that one is not going through the difficulty alone.  Gratitude does give us a new lens on the same situation.  It is through that lens that we can begin to see a different angle of our predicament. Perhaps to germinate the seed of opportunity or a growth of possibility. 

At the same time as my surgery our family has been witness to the medical trials of a grand-niece baby. There have been moments of great concern about her health and her life.  It was in those times that I could pray, pretty much without ceasing because I did not have any other distractions.  Now I am not saying that my prayers were the things that healed this baby but the silver lining of my surgery was that I was able to have the opportunity to be like the persistent widow in Jesus story and continually lift up my family member to God.  I was able to practice continual prayers and was able to add my voice to many others. 

The prayers gave me purpose and focus during my pain. It gave me perspective over what I had to endure. In the big scheme of things, my "disaster" is nothing.  While I was soldiering through the pain, I kept telling myself that this too would end. I had perspective when I thought of those who had truly suffered before me- slaves, prisoners of war, homeless people and was grateful that my experience was temporary. 

I realized that the experience of gratitude helped me to foster endurance. I am hoping that the experience of learning to endure will aid me in future situations; if I remember how I endured in the past I can be resilient to problems in the future.  

What about you?  Have you gone through pain and suffering?  What got you through?  Has there been any opportunity in it? Even one iota?  How did you discover that?  In the found rubble, could you discover smoked kippers? 

Open Or Closed To Change?

As I write this the house is shaking, the walls are rumbling and there is abounding general organized chaos.  We are having some home maintenance projects done.  Currently there are two men standing on scaffolding outside my bedroom window, chipping and drilling around our fireplace chimney and another drilling and chipping away at an outside former garage door which would lead to my office if we hadn't permanently shut it. 

Our chimney and furnace flues need repair.  It is a question of safety.  We do not want any chimney fires nor carbon monoxide problems.  We are also having an unused and probably never to be used outside door bricked in.  In fact, from the inside, the door is covered over by book shelves and cannot be opened. We also will be redoing our basement space so that it will be a usable family room and redoing our outside deck so that the new deck footprint makes sense to our use of the space and will repair damaged wood.  In addition I plan to paint the living room and dining room this winter. 

Whew.  A lot of delayed projects and planning.  I am trying to be organized and smart with how we go about this set-up.  Should I move all the books from the office to this corner or will I have to get into that corner before the project is complete?  Where do I put the items from our basement?  In the dining room or living room?  Will I be painting those rooms before that basement project is finished? If possible I am trying to prevent moving boxes over and over again.

As you see, we are going through changes to some of the rooms and features in our house.  Some are quite necessary like the chimney and furnace flues.  We do not want fires or poisoning.  Our door project is necessary since the door frame is starting to rot.  We will never use that as a door, so why not make it one continual wall of brick and never have to worry about rot again. Our basement redo and our deck redo will help us when the time comes to sell our home.  In the meantime, we can enjoy the extra rooms and the redone projects.  The repainting of the living and dining room are ways for me to freshen up the space without having to do a major redecoration.  In some ways it is not a necessity but rather a want.  Again, it will be a good feature for selling but also allow us to enjoy the current fruits of our labor. 

All this disruption makes me think about change; the reasons and how I handle it.  

Sometimes change is necessary for our safety and wellbeing. We have to change our diet or increase exercise because if we don't, inevitable diseases might happen.  Change happens too when situations occur outside our control. We may experience a family death or chronic illness and we just have to go on and figure out how to move forward and live into the new "normal".  

Other change takes place because our circumstances no longer require what we used to do. Once our children were old enough to chew and swallow food, we no longer needed to give them pureed food. If we had continued to do so, they most likely would've developed significant mouth and digestive problems.  Like our no longer used door.  If we kept the door, there was potential for all sorts of problems- rot of the surrounding door frame or critters living inside.

Change also takes place for growth and development. In my tennis game, if I want to improve my serve I will have to make some changes to my grip, my stance, my ball toss and my contact with the ball. With a good serve, I can develop into a halfway decent player but I must change some things that I currently do.  It is not a necessity.  Currently I play and have an enjoyable time but if I want to play at a different level I need to make some changes. 

In whatever circumstance of change I find myself, I still have an option if I will be open or closed to that change. I find that if it is a change that I initiated, e.g. painting the room, I am more likely to embrace it than a change I feel has been thrust upon me, e.g. fixing the chimney.  Which is rather silly when you think about it:  just because I didn't initiate or think of it on my own, doesn't mean that it won't be beneficial to me.  I can think of people who have had to change their diets from unhealthy eating to healthy.  Most times they will grumble as they go through it, but once it becomes a part of who they are, the general consensus is that they feel so much better. 

Of course, when change happens without any warning, it is extremely difficult to be open to it.  And it would be insensitive of me to say that we should be.  I really do not have any answer for the type of change that occurs through sudden death and loss.

But I am wondering if we learn to be good with change in other situations, when those sudden ones occur, we can draw upon the knowledge of what has worked in the past. 

Reminds me of the time as a child I attended a music convention with my mom.  One of the workshops included a time for singing through the newly arranged/composed choral works that were available for ordering. I remember being flabbergasted that once the director raised her hands all the attendees sang in their respective parts and it sounded great.  No stopping for correction or wrong notes.  I asked my mother how could everyone sound so good?  To which she replied, "But we are all professionals and can read music."  Those in attendance had never seen the music but they had the foundational elements of reading music and singing techniques so that they could get through a choral piece without too much difficulty. 

I do feel that most of the time our call to change is not an overt situation but rather a series of subtle, little moments which add up. If we can try to be open to change, we are more resilient to whatever comes our way.   All of us can practice developing resiliency in our daily lives.  It is a skill that can be developed which can help us when we are faced with various types of change.  In his book Resilience: A Change for the Better, Daryl R. Conner outlines five characteristics of resilient people. They are positive, focused, flexible, organized, and proactive.   I thought we might want to explore those five areas in the next couple of postings.

What about you? How are you with change in your life?   Are you embracing change or are you kicking and screaming wanting things the way they were? What types of changes are you experiencing?  A necessity?  A want or desire? A "have-to"?  A thrust-upon-you, didn't-ask-for-this type? Do you want to change?  

Before we go any further with exploring change and resiliency, think about your past- were you open or closed to change? 

In A Single Day

My dearest friend once gave me a book, " 642 Things To Write About".  I've pulled out the book in preparation for a mini, personal writer's workshop.  I am planning on using these ideas for a jumping off point for daily writing exercises.

I love the introduction in the beginning- "This book was written in a single day."  It goes on to explain how one writer was asked by his editor to write a book called- 642 Things To Write About.  The editor was adamant that the amount should be 642 of ideas so the writer emailed his writing friends for contributions. He thought that it might take a month to compile.  Within twenty-four hours he had all the items he needed.  As he writes,

"I tell this story because it's a lesson in hidden potential. You never know what might happen.  In a single day, if you hit the right nerve, you could have something-maybe it's the start of something, maybe it's the whole thing.  And it doesn't even have to begin with your own idea.  You just have to get creative and plunge in." 

On one hand, when you think of one day or twenty-four hours it doesn't seem that long. Definitely twenty-four hours of vacation or a holiday seems to blink by. But on the other hand, I imagine that you can think of days when the twenty-four hours seem to drag on.  I know that when I cannot sleep, just one hour of tossing and turning seems unbearably long. 

For the most part of our lives are days are compiled of twenty-four hours of monotony and that is okay.  I enjoy Jennifer L. Scott's blog, "The Daily Connoisseur".  This past week she writes that even though she is enjoying her family holiday in Europe, she misses the mundane and routine of home; cooking, cleaning, daily schedule.  I can relate to that.  As much as I enjoyed our vacation this past summer, I was ready to get back to that which I knew- my schedule. 

I love the idea of hidden potential. To think, when we get up in the morning, we really do not have any idea of how our day will go.  We can plan.  We can arrange and rearrange our schedule. We can imagine how an event or activity will go. But we really do not know when or if we will get that phone call- the one that can give us joy or sorrow. We do not know what will come in the mail or unfold in our news or physically happen to us.  

We also do not know if and when an idea or cure or item might be discovered or invented.  As Alexander Fleming, who discovered penicillin writes, "When I woke up just after dawn on September 28, 1928 I certainly didn't plan to revolutionize all medicine by  discovering the world's first antibiotic, or bacteria killer.  But I guess that is exactly what I did." 

What about you?  What is your single day looking like?  Do you awaken in the morning with the thrill of hidden potential?  Or the dread of another mundane existence?  What could you do differently to look for hidden potential?  Explore something new?  Re-evaluate what you already have? Try something creative? Collaborate with others?  Or, can you look at your "mundane" with new eyes?  Discover the hidden potential in the familiar? 

When you think about it, we really only have a single day of life.  The past is past and there is no guarantee for the future.  We are called to enjoy, explore, and seek the hidden potential of a single day.

Preventive Pruning

With all the rain and warm temperatures that we have had this growing season, our hydrangeas and other bushes have just burgeoned. I realized that if I do not prune them back now, there might be a problem during the winter and into the spring. In the past when I missed the opportunity for fall pruning, I found that the first real snow or icy rain would bend and possible break the canes and branches.  Preventive pruning and shaping are key to healthy plants.

It makes me think of the things in my life that I may need to prune: attitudes, time management, commitments, lifestyle choices.   Not that we know or can predict the future but sometimes we do have an inkling of what is coming down the pike.  It might be that there is a known change on the horizon- a new member of the household, new home, home renovation project, new job responsibilities, a move or new living situation with family members.  For those situations, it might be necessary to prune back on commitments in order to be more flexible to whatever may arise.  

In the upcoming months we will have numerous home renovation projects as well as I will have scheduled surgery.  I have been preparing for the projects by getting much of the prep work done now because as it would happen, I will be on physical restrictions for the time when I would've been doing the prep work.   I know that if I don't cut back with other activities I won't be prepared for what lies ahead. 

I haven't ever had this specific combination of events before but I have had others that as things unfolded, I chastised myself for not working ahead and being more prepared.  In most case, what I needed to do (in hindsight) would've been possible if I had only cut back on something or pruned out an attitude of laziness.

"If only", becomes my refrain: 

"If only I had cleaned the fans before I put them away would it be much easier when I need to get them out on the first really hot day of spring." 

"If only I hadn't been so prickly when she asked me a simple question we wouldn't be in this strained relationship."  

"If only I had pruned back the hydrangeas then all these branches wouldn't have broken."  

"If only I hadn't committed to teaching this class, we could've gone away."

"If only I had run more I would've been prepared for the 5K." 

What about you?  Have you ever had the "if only" mind discussions?  Did you learn anything for the future about making choices, cutting back or pruning out activities or habits?   Are you aware of any impending life changes?  What can you do to prepare for them?  Do you need to cut out certain activities before you can take on new ones? 

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."  Wise words spoken by Benjamin Franklin.  He may have been speaking about fire prevention but applies to so much more. (Fun fact- he was the one who invented the lightning rod but never sold it, just provided the instructions on making one so that all people would benefit.)

Weekend Reflections

This past weekend my husband and I went on a weekend get-away to a lovely mountain lake town in Pennsylvania.  We have been there a number of times before.  It is a beautiful place, quiet and harkens back to the days when the pace of life was a little slower. 

The trip is about three and a half hours from home (according to google maps) so it is a nice escape that isn't too far away.  Of course, we who are known for our slow travel, took longer.  This time our slowness can be attributed to our meandering on back roads.  We enjoyed the scenery as we meandered along the Susquehanna River before heading up the mountain.  It was worth the time to see a slice of Americana.   

We stopped at a roadside stand that was beckoning; an overflowing barn nestled in the mountain base.  There were all sorts of concrete statues surrounding the building.  We could have purchased a ten-foot painted chicken ($2,659) or a life-size gorilla ($2,499) but instead settled on two pumpkins and a large guard ($8 total)  It did pique my curiosity- who outside of a mini-golf enterprise would purchase some of these statues?  I discovered my answer a couple of miles down the road. 

We had stopped along the river at a small park so that we could have a picnic lunch.. The "park" was just 2 benches on a very small strip along the road, right on the river bank. We had to park our car across the street in front of some duplex homes and cross the road.    It was as I getting back into the car, that I noticed the fronts of the homes. There, bigger than the house itself, was a life-sized waving hat cowboy astride a bucking bronco.  In addition to "Tex", in their small front garden were all sorts of other concrete creatures; gnomes, pelicans, small boy with a fishing rod.  

Further down the road from there we saw another business.  A small local diner with the enticing marque- "Home Cooking, Mini Mart and Tanning".

It just made us laugh and realize that humans are such interesting creatures.  I think that some days in my busy-ness, I miss the interesting features all around me.  I get too involved and just go through the motions with blinders on.  If I really paid attention, what would I see, hear and experience? 

The weekend trip was a nice time to put aside all the things that weigh on our minds.  The things that have been troubling (which on reflection from this weekend aren't so bad), we can review from a distance.  My personality is that I can get pretty tangled up with lots of thoughts- worries, anxieties, could've-beens, should've-beens, would've-beens.  Getting away allows me to step back and objectively review. 

Getting away also gives me time to decide when I want to do my thinking.  At home I find that I will be so preoccupied that I not only miss out what is going on, but I also feel frazzled that I don't have time to sit and work it out. But when I am away, I can do some reflective thinking, and also have time to enjoy the moments; watching the wind dance across the water on the lake, enjoying the sights and smells of the wooded path surrounding the entire lake, or playing a game of ping-pong after dinner. 

Getting away also allows me to think and plan for the future.  What am I planning on doing in the next couple of months?  What is doable?  What is unrealistic yet I will write it down just to see what happens?  I do a lot of day dreaming and future forecasting when I am away. 

What about you?  Have you been able to get away for some time of reflection and perspective?  Where did you go?  Was it relaxing?  Did you want it to be?  If you did and it wasn't relaxing, what can you do differently the next time?

If a time away is not in the budget, could you plan a reflective weekend at home?  Could you switch houses with a friend or family member?  You stay for the weekend or overnight at their's and visa versa.  What about eating your meals in a different room of your home?  Or sitting in a different chair?  What about trying something different for your evenings: Playing a game?  Reading a book?  Listening to music or a podcast? Going to a local theater or concert hall?  Spending most of the day outside on your patio or porch?  Eating all meals outside?  Camping in your backyard? 

I think all of us need to step back and reflect on our lives- our past, our present and our future. 

When Shadows Fall

Yesterday I noticed a movement on the floor;  a large black entity was creeping closer and closer to me.  As it moved it seemed to spread out and get larger.  If I didn't know any better, I would've been worried that some big black cloud was going to obliterate me.  From where I was sitting I couldn't see exactly what was causing the strange darkness. 

Turns out it was a shadow of a spider.  Sunlight was streaming through the back door and a spider was building a web across the door frame.  As it moved across, it would block a stream of sunlight causing a shadow.  If it moved across that beam of light, the shadow got bigger and bigger. 

From my perspective the shadow/dark spot/spider seemed huge but on closer inspection it was quite small.  

It made me think.

How many times do problems or situations in our lives seem huge.  They seem to creep up on us from no where, getting closer and closer and bigger and bigger.  Before we know it, the problem obliterates everything else.  We can't see clearly. We can't move.  We just huddle in fear in a corner. 

But is the problem really that big? Was it magnified by our perspective?

Once I changed my point of view- moved directly in front of the door- I was able to see things how they really were.  I could see what was the cause of the shadow and why it looked so large and ominous.

When we let things become bigger than they really are, we become powerless and fearful- that which we think is huge will overtake us.  Like the classic past time of making shadow pictures: holding our hands in certain positions in front of a light which can produce a different image than the original. 

Norman Rockwell

I know that some problems in life are huge.  They are constantly pursuing us in the hopes to disarm and destroy us. The problems can be physical, financial, social, spiritual, or emotional. We feel that we are going along in life only to constantly be looking over our shoulder for the next attack.

But I know in my own life, I have made situations worse by not checking out the source of the problem.  It might be a health issue that I have refused to acknowledge or even get more information via testing because I have already determined that what I must have is terrible.  Or, I may write someone off because I felt that what she said or did was offensive to me. 

In all these situations I have seen and allowed something to grow larger in my mind when in actuality the original problem or situation was quite small.   I just see the enlarged shadow.  I don't recognize the person creating it. I allow my perspective of only seeing the shadow, paralyze me.  If I would see my doctor, or get to know the person better, or plan to explore the source of the problem, I might discover that it is just a manipulation of hands or a very small bug.

What about you?  Do you ever feel that something is creeping up on you?  Something larger, scarier with the potential for trouble?  What is the real situation?  Do you need to talk to someone who can give you perspective?  Someone who can say, turn off the light- it is causing the shadows.  Someone who can show their hands and demonstrate  how the shadow/problem was made.  Someone who can make the shadows fall...away.  

Fun

"What do you do for fun?"

Recently I was asked that by a new acquaintance.  The question took me by surprise.  For starters, usually I am the one who asks others loads of questions because I am curious and interested in people.  

One time we were staying at a bed and breakfast.  During the complimentary wine and cheese get-together we were mingling with the other guests.  I was asking this one couple different questions based on their previous responses.  Finally the husband turned to me and asked, "What do you do?  Are you a news reporter?"   He wasn't upset but rather was amazed that someone would ask in-depth questions to get to know another without the ulterior motive of "getting a story". 

So, when this new acquaintance asked my about my fun, I first thought, "That's one of my questions for you".  Then I had to really think about it for myself.

What determines fun?  A fun activity for one might not be that much fun for another.  My sister likes skiing.  I do not.  The thought of choosing to be in the cold weather, hurling down a snowy slope with out any brakes or form of control does not excite me.   I know that there is a "just relax and go with it" attitude but that doesn't happen with me. 

Part of what makes something fun for me is an activity that helps me "get in the zone".  An activity in which time doesn't have any part:  I have no recollection if I am spending ten minutes or ten hours doing the activity. 

I also find things fun that enlighten me or provides physical activity (just as long as I don't have to be too cold and give up control- like skiing!).  It is also enjoyable to complete creative projects, like my recent re-painting of the guest room. 

Recently I just heard someone talking about the word, "amuse".  In Latin, "a" means non or not.  For example, amoral- no morals, complete lack of morals.  "Muse" is to think, to ponder.   So "a" + 
"muse" is to not think.  In the strict sense of the word, to be amused is to not think at all.  To turn off the brain.  Which is what we sometimes want to do when we are entertained via movies, books, or videos.  ( I wasn't thinking Latin etymon when I would get annoyed at our boys that, after watching television, they would seem so dulled. "Huh" would be the common refrain to any question asked after the show.) 

So, for me something that which is fun doesn't have to be amusing.  Although at times it can be. 

What we do for fun can mean, "What do we do outside of our work?"  The implication is that our work isn't fun. Generally most people see work and fun as polar opposites.  Certainly that can be true.  Some work isn't fun although there might be aspects that can be fun.  We can be serious about what we do but still have a sense of fun.

I think the word "play" should be asked when thinking about fun.  Children have a wonderful sense of play even if they are doing a task. This past weekend our next door neighbor's five-year-old was helping raking the leaves.  He was having a great time, balancing one leaf on the back of his rake and flipping it over onto the pile.  Of course, not many leaves were raked but he sure had fun. 

What about you?  What do you do for fun?  For amusement?  For work?  Can you bring in a sense of play to your work? 

It reminds me of the Fish! Philosophy.  The employee practices at the Pikes Peak Fish Market. click here to see a video.  When I was working with employers to implement wellness programs, the Fish!Philosophy is a great employee management style for having work/life balance.  It is more than just for employers/employees.  It is a way of viewing life. 

The four foundations of the Fish! Philosophy:

#1-- Be There
 Be there mentally and physically, so you can seize opportunities and maximize your performance.
#2-- Make Their Day
Genuinely connect with customers and colleagues alike. Daily create an engaging work environment or delightful customer experience -- the kind that builds loyalty and repeat business.
#3-- Play
Embrace a playful state of mind that makes you more energetic, enthusiastic and creative. Result: enhanced customer relations and elevated productivity.
#4-- Choose Your Attitude
Cultivate self-sufficiency and control in consistently making smarter business decisions. A mental state optimized to "be there" with an attitude that ignites success.
 

What happens in Vegas... happens every where else.

Another shooting this morning.  From the time I started writing this post, the numbers and facts have changed.  Probably by tomorrow, there will be more information. 

As the reporters headline with the deadliest mass shooting in America, it makes me sick to my stomach. I know why the reporters categorize like that and certainly it is true, but when they compare the quantity of fatalities and injuries to other shootings in the country it makes it seem as if the others don’t matter.  That those other shootings are too small.

The mystery author- P.D. James was once asked why her descriptions of the murder, when the victim is first discovered, were so gruesome. She said that it should be shocking to the character and consequently to the reader.  As she described, murder is shocking and is horrible and it should shock every time it is witnessed. 

This shooting in Las Vegas is horrible, but what is more horrible is according to the CDC, "on an average day, 93 Americans are killed with guns."  The act that any one person is even injured by guns is horrible much less killed.  We should be shocked. 

What gets me is that as a society, there is all the commentary about, “How did this happen?  What can we do to prevent this from occurring again?”   

If we can find there is a reason; mental illness, disgruntled, etc. then we feel a little bit better- “Whew," we think, "This is a problem that doesn’t relate to us.”

Or does it? 

How we deceive ourselves.  Do we think that we are innocent in this evil of one to another? Do we think that our societal love of violence and guns doesn’t impact everyone?  We can see it with our violent movies, video guns and web images.  By the grace of God we were not the ones on the news tonight. 

Every time we talk about our violent society we will tsk, tsk and say it is a shame.  But do we do anything about it?  We may, for a couple of days, hug our loved ones a little tighter, hesitate about going in crowded venues, and maybe decide not to go to the latest blow 'em up movie.  But, after a week or so, we go about life as we always have.  What if we decide not to monetarily support violent movies or games?  What would that say to those who feed into societal's appetite for those things? What if we got really serious about gun control? 

Many years ago I attended a young mothers'  group that had a variety of speakers.  Once there was a psychologist speaking about the effects of television,  especially violent television on children.  While the studies were conclusive that yes, viewing violence causes more violence, the reaction to the problem was, "let's do another study."  I sat there in bewilderment.  

Just turn off the television.

Violent television programs conclusively demonstrated violence in children, yet no one wanted to acknowledge that fact.  I guess there would have to be an accountability that many parents didn't want to take and so, the response was, let's get more information rather than do something now.

I know that the gun issue is very complicated and I am not condemning guns. But I am wondering what can we do about it because we are the problem and the solution.

I think we should be horrified when we hear of attacks like we did this morning. We should take notice and have dialogue about it.  We should work toward some type of solution.  We should be a society that is not complacent about anyone's murder. We should not forget.

The thing is... 

What happens in Vegas..... will happen everywhere else if we are not vigilant and start being accountable for the society we have created.  We need to recognize our insatiable appetite for violence and our greed.  The types of weapons that are available to consumers goes way beyond having a rifle to harm the weasel or fox who is killing one's livelihood.  Someone is making quite a hefty profit. 

I know that I am thinking about how I contribute to society.  I have been known to watch violent movies.  How violent is violent? How do I interact with the person on the fringe of society? What can I do when I hear about violent things?  How do/should I respond?  

My nephew has an interesting blog about today's shooting.   Click here to read.

What about you?  What is your reaction to the shooting?   

Fall Bucket List

The other day I heard a radio announcer speaking to his co-host about making a fall bucket list. 

I was intrigued even though I feel that the term "bucket list" has become a cliche.

From what I have gleaned, the term "the bucket list" was coined from the 2007 movie starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson of the same name.  The movie tells of the exploits of the two men as they complete tasks and experiences that they wanted to do before they die.  

The bucket list from the movie derives from the slang expression "to kick the bucket" meaning to die. There are many explanations for that expression:  

That expression may have derived from the Middle Ages and the method of execution by having a person stand on a bucket while a noose was put around the neck. The bucket was then kicked out from under the person and then subsequently hanged. 

It also could be from the Catholic tradition of sprinkling the deceased with holy water that was kept in a bucket by the body.  Friends and family would pay their respects and sprinkle water on the body.  

Another idea is that it is a childhood game of moving balls around randomly placed buckets.  If you touched a ball to a bucket you lost and would have to sit out the remainder of the game.

It may have come from a West African word, "kek(e)rebo" meaning to die.

There is some thought that it refers to a Latin poem where the just milked goat kicks the bucket of fresh milk.  In the poem it is an omen of death to come. 

However the original expression came about, the bucket list idea is that one completes a goal or activity before ones dies.  It is generally something that one has always wanted to do but for whatever reason hasn't done it.  It may be because of time, finances, or lack of courage. The bucket list items gives one permission to complete it regardless of societal norms and behaviors.

What I like about the idea of a seasonal bucket list is that we are identifying items that we want to do in the moment.  These are generally smaller, and I would argue more doable, goals.   The process of doing one thing might lead to doing more. 

What is one thing would you want to accomplish during the next three months?  Is it something you have always wanted to do?  Is it something that every fall, you say, "I want to do such and such.."  And every spring you say, "I never did do such and such..."

Put it on your calendar.  Plan for it.  If you have to do more research on how to accomplish it, put those research questions on your calendar.   You might want to form a new habit: at the beginning of each season, plan for one seasonal activity that you will do.

This fall I want to take advantage of the "free fall" activities in our town.  Every October, there are free shows and exhibits at local museums, theaters, and concert halls.   I need to look online and find what is available and then plan on going. 

You might not have on your fall list to climb Mt. Everest, but you might want to take a hike in the woods.  Whatever your plan, work towards it. Who knows, you might actually do all the things you wanted to do.

Community Connections

"Navy Returns to Compasses and Pencils to Help Avoid Collisions at Sea"

The above is a headline in today's The New York Times.  Basically, the Navy is going back to, well, basics: sailors getting more sleep, spending more time on ship maintenance, employing basic seamanship.

It seems that all professions have the tension between the use of technology and the basic, common skills that have been used over time.   

When I was employed at a well-known teaching hospital, I was in a training program for working with critically ill patients. During one of the classes, the instructor gave wise words: "Always check the patient."  

She went on to tell us the story: When she was a newly trained critical care nurse she was very enthusiastic and diligent to do exactly as she was instructed.  On one of her rounds she dutifully kept an eye on the cardiac monitor.  To her shock, she witnessed the monitor showing that the patient was experiencing ventricular tachycardia- extremely fast heart rhythm.  The first response to that problem is to shock the heart back into regular rhythm and can be done so by a whack on the chest.  The nurse ran into the room, went to the patient's side and "thumped" a hard fist in the middle of the man's chest.  He sat bolt upright,  "What the [expletive} do you think you are doing?"  

Turns out he had been sleeping.

As she reminded us, technology is a great tool but never forget your basic assessment of patients.

I have felt that our culture needs to remember the basics of human interaction. We are all too quick to allow technology to overshadow or replace our role as social beings.

Over the last couple of days I have been able to use my bicycle to accomplish some errands.  It has been beautiful fall weather and peddling through the streets noticing the mums, pumpkins and turning leaves has been a treat.

One thing that I have always noticed when I cycle, is how connected I feel to my fellow pedestrians and those who are out and about sans l'automobile.  In a car, I am so isolated. I barrel down the road and don't really get a chance to interact with anybody.  Yet on my bicycle as I meander through town I can aid the woman confused over a street address or buy a sandwich for the man down on his luck or smile and wave at the toddler tentatively waving in her stroller.

My interactions aren't earth shattering.  Just a connectedness with other human beings. Yet I am back to basics- communing with people as we were traveling around. 

One of my stops was at a local coffee shop to enjoy a cup of joe and to soak up the ambiance. As I sat there, I overheard a couple of conversations. In each grouping the dialogue may have been different but the theme was the same: community, spending quality time with one another and being authentic in our relationships. 

It seems as if  I hear more and more people expressing their tiredness with being a faceless entity- an initial or first name post among many other faceless posts. They want to be known for their individuality.  They want to go back to the way people use to interact. They want to be known.

On one hand, the computer and the global network has connected us with long-lost friends and family and has connected us with new friends in different cultures.  But the technology era has also ushered in more isolation and with that, despair and depression.  Try as we might to avoid it, we are designed to live in community. 

I certainly have had my fair share of not wanting community.  I have been known to duck down another aisle in the grocery store just to avoid talking to someone I know.  If I had my druthers, I would probably sit in isolation and only communicate by banging out texts and notes to people.  Yet, I also know that when I don't engage with others, I miss out.  I miss their immediate reactions to statements.  I miss out on immediate feedback.  I miss out on perspective, where do my thoughts fit into the big scheme of things? 

My bicycle jaunts have me engage more with my surroundings.  I find that I like it.  My community engagements are not long encounters.  They are not overly deep. At least for now.  Yet there is always something I get out of the encounters, some new idea or thought or outlook. I hope that is true too for the person encountering me.

I feel that I am getting back to basics, employing the foundational elements that connect us as humans:  building community.

What about you?  Do you ever feel the need to get back to basics?  To spend some time with the people around you?  Do you have the opportunity to interact with strangers?  To share a small greeting?  What is preventing you? Do you have time in your life to occasionally slow down when you do your errands? To bike or walk to get groceries, coffee or milk? Could you try it once a week, once a month, once a quarter?  If you did get back to basics, what would be your headline? 

"Cyclist Returns to Interacting With Previously Unknown Individuals to Build Community." 

Civilized Recycling

When we were in Italy and Austria this summer I was in awe of the recycling and multiple use of items. No waste for them (or so it seemed to me through my rose-colored sun glasses).  Restaurant orders on the backs of old receipts. Bring your own bags/containers/baskets for purchased store items.  Container gardens in all sorts of items- bins, boxes, baskets, old tires. 

I really liked Florence's organized street trash cans.  They had containers for specific items: organic matter, paper, glass, plastic.  The containers were solar compactors.  On trash day a truck with a large claw like arm, lifted the individual containers from the sidewalk and opened the bottom to dump the contents into separated trash compartments on the truck.   It makes such sense.  From the users standpoint, there didn't seem to be too much difficulty figuring out what went in what container. One can feel good about recycling. The city remained relatively clean because all items have a place to go.  The trash that can be recycled is and that which can be composted, does. 

Trash cans lined up on the street.

Trash day. Truck's arm lifts the entire unit and empties into the appropriate collection container.

In our hotel in Florence, there was all sorts of artwork. What was so interesting was that all of the artwork was from recycled material.  Some of it was purely decorative and others were useful.  

The "chandelier" in our room.  Look closely- see the water bottles, tops and metal bottom of cans? (I apologize, I couldn't edit the size of this picture.)

It makes me look at my space differently.  It makes me think-  how can I re-use what I am currently using?

Usually I am pretty good with the re-using of things.  From old handkerchiefs becoming bathroom curtains to cracked mixing bowls becoming flower containers, I like to be able to use something in two, possibly three incarnations.  Though, there are times when I am just ruthless and wasteful. I have been known to just "throw it out".  When I am tired of having too many in my cupboard, or in having to move and pack up items,  I get rid of it all. To the dump.  I just don't want to "deal with figuring things out".

I think for me, it comes down to excess.  When I have excessive amount of things it is easier to be cavalier and just toss.  No wonder that Americans waste approximately 219 pounds of food waste/year.  Who knows how much of our landfills are filled with plastic China made junk from the dollar store?  Certainly we have plastic and trash floating in the oceans, and with wind and currents, converge into "islands". While there is debate over the actual size, all can agree that those items shouldn't be there in the first place.  Click here for the facts from NOAA.

It seems when we don't have an excess of things, we tend to "use up" the items or reuse in another way and even discard it appropriately.  We become more in tune with the items, "Can it be recycled or totally reused?  If I cannot use it, maybe someone else can?"  I know that I don't always dispose of things properly. You would certainly ascertain that if you looked at the contents of my trash can.  But I do want to be creative in the way I use and reuse the items in my home.  Not only does it give me a sense that I am being a good steward of the environment, but it is just plain fun to be creative. Whatever I have "created" doesn't have to be forever;  some of those handkerchief valances have been replaced, but I was able to get a couple of years of extra enjoyment with them. 

What about you?  Have you ever thought about the trash you throw out?  Do you have many trashcans out on trash day?  Do you recycle?  Can you recycle?  Does your town, jurisdiction, county, village, province offer recycling centers?  Before something goes to the trash heap, have you looked at it with new eyes?  Can it be re-purposed? 

Archeologists find many clues in the trash heaps of previous societies. I think societies will be judged by the way they leave their trash. How will we be known?  Will our trash labels us as wasteful?  As careless? Or will we be seen as organized and showing a good usage of what we have? Will we be considered civilized? 

Before and after... We have owned those 2 black lamps for years (30+). In redoing the guest room, we needed another lamp.  I painted one of them white so that it would fit into the decor better.  I liked the white so much, since this photo I repainted the second black one so that in my office we now have a white one too.  (I apologize but couldn't edit the size of this picture)

Happy Belated Birthday Dr. Johnson

Monday was Samuel Johnson's 308th birthday.  That's a lot of candles.  Dr. Johnson, as he was called,  is considered the founder of the dictionary as well as novelist, essayist, etc.  He was also quite the curmudgeon.  He was known for quite the zingers.

"Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good."  Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/s/samueljohn161407.html

Lately I have been wanting to increase and improve my vocabulary.  I find that I repeat certain words when I am sure that there must be a better word to use. Depending to whom I am speaking, I will sometimes be in awe of the word usage. "Those are words I have not even thought about or have ever used."  I have always loved the etymology of words. Once known, I will think, "Yes, that describes exactly what I want to say!"  

In looking into how one can improve one's vocabulary, here are a couple of suggestions I found:

1)  Spaced repetition.  This basically says that you should review what you learn over time. In fact, they say that the best time to transfer your short-term memory to long-term is in the interval when the information is on the verge of being forgotten.   One of the principles behind the vocabulary learning apps- they continually remind you to practice short intervals each day.   Click here to read a more in-depth article.

2) Use your technology through Apps.  Here are some recommended ones: Vocabulary.com; PowerVocab; Magoosh Vocabulary Builder; A Word a Day Widget; 7 Little Words; Word to Word; Words with Friends; Penny Dell Crosswords

3)  Use the old-fashioned method.   Pick up a dictionary, randomly go through it, write down the word and practice saying it, using it in a sentence. Play scrabble or do a crossword puzzle.

4) Subscribe to a word of the day email alert.  Click here to subscribe to Merriam-Webster's calendar.

5) Other resources.   Click here for word lists, helps.

  What about you?  How's your vocabulary?  Need improvement? What words do you say over and over?  

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. “Tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”

— Mark Twain

Creative Details

I am sure you have seen or heard the comic sketch where the returning college student or college graduate finds the key to his parents' home doesn't work.  In some cases, not only have they changed the locks, they have moved without telling him.  My husband had a college friend whose parents did just that.

I haven't had quite that experience but my parents did move out of state in less than twenty-fours after my high school graduation.  Fortunately they did apprise me of the move and took me with them. 

I feel that I am living that cliche: I am in the middle of painting our boys' bedroom with the plan to convert it into a guest room.  Our younger son has moved out, embarking on a graduate school education complete with his own apartment.  It has been less than two months and I have started immediately with repainting and redecorating the space.**

As I was painting one of the bed frames, I was in awe of the smoothness of the wood and the carved detail of the foot board.  I probably have dusted, passed by and glanced at this bed for over thirty years, yet I never noticed the small details.   

I have a friend who was trained as an artist.  I love going shopping with her, especially looking at decorative items.  She has such an experienced eye to know how well made something might be. It educates me to take a second glance and closer inspection of something that I might overlook.

The close inspection of my painted furniture, reminds me that if I have ownership of creating something I probably am more likely to be invested in its care.  I can see its possibilities.  If I have an understanding of how things work, I also am more likely to oversee its future. When I have ownership of a relationship, creating something healthy between two people, I am more likely to understand their decisions and  encourage them on their journey.  In any situation, I am more likely to be involved when I know how it is made or what it is all about, what needs to maintain it and how to use it to its fullest potential. 

I thought of how often I overlook things, situations, or people.  I will make assumptions, jump to conclusions or formulate hasty decisions.  I generally rush through activities with the goal of getting to the next thing. If only I would take the time -either to know more information before coming to those conclusions, to spend quality work time (so I do not have to redo, touching up missed paint spots,for instance) or to invest time in the person before I form a judgement. 

How different is God's dealing with us.  He, who created us, is so invested in each one of us. He sees our possibilities and understands how we work. He notices the smallest details in our lives. The only thing He asks is that we have a relationship with Him.  He is always available.  He takes the time that we give Him.  He wants nothing better than to be with us. He doesn't overlook us. He already knows about our possibilities, our flaws, and our lives.  He doesn't move without telling us.  His door is always unlocked. 

What about you?  Do you rush through life, never stopping to notice the details of people, items, or situations around you?  What would it take to appreciate your surroundings?  Or appreciate the people around you?  Do you have a friend, spouse, or loved one who takes time for you? What does that feel like?  Do you feel that God knows you?  If not, do you know Him?

What can you do today to notice the smallest details of your life? 

** Once the room is complete, I will post pictures.