Nailing It

I am not a carpenter. Not by a long stretch. I regret that I didn’t take wood shop in junior high school. Not that it was encouraged for girls to do so. Only the rebels or really cool girls (which I wasn’t) insisted on wood and metal shop. The rest of us dutifully made muffins everyday in home economics. How I wish I had some understanding of building. I love all things wood. I think I mostly love the smell of freshly cut wood.

Ironically my father was an industrial arts professor- he was an educator for shop teachers. While my parents always told me I could do anything I put my mind to, my dad still had some traditional values. Hence the home economics.

This week I decided I wanted to add a small bench to one of my gardens. More of an architectural feature rather than a set down for a spell kind of seat. I challenged myself to use up wood that we had around the house. I gathered my supplies- hand saw, measuring tape, hammer, nails, wood for the legs and the board for the seat. I needed to cut up a long piece of wood into the four legs. I dutifully measured (twice) and started the job. Because I was using a hand saw, it took me a while performing all kinds of gyrations to saw through the wood: I alternated my arms, made preliminary cuts as a groove, bent over the piece close to the ground (thinking gravity would help me?), finally moved the whole operation to a table.

Eventually I had my legs and was ready to nail to the board. I had the whole thing envisioned in my mind. It should go smoothly. Right? Wrong. I started nailing remembering to use the weight of the hammer to drive the nail rather than muscle the motion. However, try as I might, the nail entered the wood slightly off center. By the time I noticed, the nail had entered the board and was exiting in a spot from where I thought it would. It only took a slight angle to have the 1 1/2 inch nail be completely off where it needed to be.

As I was nailing I was thinking about this quarantine. Some habits of mine have drifted from where I intended. For one, I have found some pants not fitting! We do not own a scale in our home. Haven’t for years. I have always gone by the fit of my clothing and how I feel in gauging weight. Not that I have ever really focused on it.

Well. Between my inactivity of my wrist surgeries and the corona virus quarantine, I found a pair of pants that had been loose in the fall be a little tight this spring. Bother! I had veered slightly off course. Nothing major because the weight gain isn’t large but I definitely do not feel good and I know that at my age if I do not keep on top of it, the muffin top will prevail. I just need to get back to exercising.

Isn’t it true of life that we go along not noticing slight changes but soon enough- our pants don’t fit or the nail has protruded off the side rather than straight across. The thing is, we can always regroup, reset, realign.

So too have I wandered from my spiritual practices. I have not been faithful with my daily Bible reading nor with my wanting to be in community. Kind of correlates to the wrist breakage. Silly as it might be, I think I was upset with God over it- stupid to blame God for my accident but sometimes we do not have rational thoughts. So to show Him how I feel, I stopped reading His word regularly and meeting with others. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. The thing that I need, I reject. The apostle Paul talks about it in the book of Romans: “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

One of the greatest gifts from God is that we can always return to Him. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” I need to stop what I am doing and realign myself with God, to readjust my thinking and my direction. I know that once I get back to my daily reading, my other disciplines will fall into place- I will be able to reset my exercise and eating habits.

What about you? How have you fared during this quarantine time? Were you able to practice healthy physical and spiritual habits? What are they? How do they work into your day? Or do you need to commit to returning?

And that bench. I have set it aside until I figure out something different. That is how life is sometimes. Sometimes we “nail it” and sometimes we don’t. We just have to keep working at it.

Post Pandemic Life

Is your life going back to “normal”? I know of some friends who are able to go back to work- albeit in a different setting with different protocols. One person works in an office. He has to be in his individual office with the door closed at all times. If he rides the elevator, only 1 person allowed on the elevator at a time. There is no use of common spaces- coffee maker, break room. Even our little tennis club has an elaborate procedure to use the small restroom- 1 person at a time; take a spray bottle of disinfectant with you (also doubles as a “hall pass” to let others know that the bathroom is occupied), spray down the area before and after use. When returning the spray bottle, you need to wipe off the bottle with hand wipes.

The grocery stores still have their lines and still are limiting customers. No more times of just a quick run to the store to pick up a loaf of bread. In some stores the “greeter” checks to see that you are wearing your mask properly- no nasal exposure. She clicks your presence into her counter as another body in the store. If one needs a shopping cart, it is expected to either use the one offered from the “cart wiper” or self-wipe the cart. Arrows point to which direction you can walk. The store aisles have turned into a one-way street grid system. Shopping has become a carefully planned and choreographed outing. At this point, we are not “going back” to anything. Instead we are creating a new “normal” of behavioral living.

As some businesses and social activities are opening back up, the participation opportunities of pre-quarantine activities are rolling in. Not that I mind them per se, it is just that I have gotten used to this stay-at-home order. While I do not like the idea of the quarantine limiting my freedom, I do like the permission the stay-at-home order has given me to not have to perform any obligations or duties. “Sorry, can’t do that. Government says I cannot.”

The more society is “getting back to normal” and my schedule is “getting back to normal” the more I feel anxious about my time. I am feeling panicky that my writing work time will be swallowed up by obligations that have been on hiatus. This quarantine has given me insight into my working day and what I need to do to be productive. I am afraid that without the “excuse” of a pandemic I will not be strong and protective in guarding my time. I am not ready to relinquish the unhampered schedule. As things are letting up, I feel that I am kind of missing the corona virus quarantine. Is this a mutation of the Stockholm Syndrome- the condition in which hostages develop a psychological alliance with their captors during captivity? Am I developing an alliance, a preference for being isolated? Or, am I becoming agoraphobic?

Once again, as it seems to be my refrain, balance is key. And while I like the unhurried atmosphere of these past couple of months, I also like having goals, plans and a relative schedule. (I think I have shared before) But I finally have come to realize that, while I do like to design a schedule, I very rarely actually follow a specific schedule for too long.

Ironically, it is through this unhurried, stay-at-home pandemic, that I have learned that laser-type focusing- at the expense of all other concentration- is key in creative pursuits. One would think that being so focused would be part of a controlled schedule yet it was in this unplanned time that I have been most productive.

But the balance to laser-type focusing is to also have diffuse thinking. There are the times when one’s mind needs to wander, explore and make random connections. One’s thoughts need to stretch, lengthen, linger or curl around ideas. Mind meanderings are a good balance to concentrated focusing.

Balance is also key in caregiving- of others and of ourselves. We need to physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually care for ourselves There are times when we have to care for our own needs at the exclusion of others. Yet mostly we need to balance our needs with the caring for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs of others. Because in caring for others, we are tending to our emotional need to be empathetic. It is just a question of timing- in the different seasons of our lives we may be more laden in one area or with one person or obligation than another.

Just this morning I had a conversation with a friend discussing the balance of time: how does one spontaneously enjoy the moment yet still accomplish plans and feel that one’s days are purposeful? Stop and smell the roses is the old saying but one has to design, plant and care for the garden before there can be roses to sniff.

What about you? Are you anxious, panicky about “getting back to normal”? Is it for health safety? Due to our lack of vaccines or treatments for the virus? Have ideas or priorities changed for you during this pandemic? Are you anxious to return to the lifestyle that you had pre-quarantine? Will you miss the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed in quarantine? What kind of balance do you see in your life? What kind of life will you live, post-pandemic?

Climbing Stairs

Twice now in the last week, while I was walking up the basement steps carrying the laundry basket I experienced an odd sensation of not knowing where the next step was located. The basket had occluded my vision and so as I stepped up I was not really seeing where I was going. I just stepped where I thought was the next step. Even though I had enough lighting to see where I was going, I still couldn’t quite see the path.

It made me think of our walking through this pandemic. While we may carry on the best way we know how, there are still obstacles that prevent us from knowing if where we once trod is still the right footing. We go through the motions but our vision and our footing has shifted- Our understanding of staying healthy has changed. Our gathering space is different. Our priorities are rearranged. Our time lines and schedules are obsolete.

I am thinking of how the pandemic has shifted my focus. Things about which I used to be concerned have no place in my mind’s eye now. For that I am grateful. I realized how much time and energy I have spent on mundane and shallow thoughts. When I start fretting about insignificant ideas, I remind myself that in the long run, in light of the pandemic life/death scenario, these thoughts are not worth the time.

The pandemic has underscored my need to be following God in faith. No one and nothing else can guide me safely along.

I find that I have to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5: 7). I have to trust God in and with my future plans and I have to learn (and relearn) what God’s path is for me. Circumstances may obscure my vision but I have to trust God where I place my next step. As many times as I may say this- I still have to remind myself daily to trust God.

The thing about stepping in faith is that the more we do it, the easier it becomes. I couldn’t tell you how many times I have walked up and down our basement steps in the twenty five years we have lived in our home. Yet, I am familiar with each step- each creak, worn wood, height from one to another. While I wouldn’t intentionally do it, I could blindly walk up and down them as they are so familiar.

What about you? Have you ever been limited by what you have seen and not seen? What was that experience like? What did you learn from it? How are you walking by faith? Stumbling? Sure-footed?

What have you gleaned?

I like the word to glean: to learn, discover, or find out, usually little by little or slowly. While I am usually quick in actions and thoughts, I find that for life lessons I am a “ponderer” and gleaner. I discover things little by little, hold on to those idea nuggets and then mull them over much like a cow chewing her cud. I am a ruminator by nature.

I have been thinking about this virus now that we appear to be moving (slightly) out of it. What will be learned from it? What will we glean? What will we discover about ourselves, others and society?

Things that I have gleaned from this time and therefore would like to continue in the future:

1) Slowing down/non-rushed: In activities. In scheduling. In relationships. I really like the non-rushed feeling: I can sort out my thoughts and plans without feeling that a time bomb is looming over my head. What I will need to figure out is how to balance that feeling of time has no-consequence with the onslaught of responsibility that will happen as soon as things “open up”.

2) Reducing and reusing: With our shut-down of retail stores and the decrease in consumer spending, there has been the national necessity to reduce and reuse what one has. This has always been right up my alley- using things up and finding practical solutions to repurpose household items. While this idea is always on my mind, the virus time has validated and reconfirmed my commitment to live under my means.

3) Communicating more with family and friends: I have discovered long, deep conversations with people- neighbors, friends or even strangers. There is an overall sense of “we are all in this together” and that there is no pressing matter other than connecting with one another.

4) Expressing gratitude for each day: While I am grateful generally, this pandemic has heightened my awareness even more. It has shown that it is so important to think as well as speak about one’s gratitude every day- especially to the individuals for whom one is grateful.

I just pray that we hold these ideas in our hearts and that we ruminate on them- bring them up to ponder and to implement- every so often. Yet, knowing how forgetful humans are, we will most probably revert back to our fast-paced lifestyles. We will be slow at first but it won’t take too long before we are warp speed ahead for work and play. The following video clip you might have already seen. (Was texted it by a good friend.) It captures the idea of thinking about what will we glean (and possibly change) from our current experience?

Click here for The Great Realization

What about you? What things from this 2020 experience do you want to glean? To remember? To continue even when we are post-pandemic?

Prayer Warriors

Warrior : A person engaged in some struggle or conflict; a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics.

Prayer warriors. In some ways it seems contradictory. Prayer conjures up peace, meditation, stillness, calm, while a warrior draws to mind, combativeness, aggression, chaos.

This past week another prayer warrior from our congregation has died. She joins a long line of saints who have gone on to Heaven before her. She was among a group of women who were formidable in their faith. Faithful in prayer. Committed to God’s word. Dedicated to sharing their faith with others through their words and deeds.

Called prayer warriors for their willingness to pray faithfully, earnestly, relentlessly, fearlessly. I think of them as lions for prayer- strong and courageous. I would hope that I could be a prayer warrior but some days I think of myself as a prayer kitten-skittish and scared.

The women and men that I know who are deep, strong pray-ers are, in some ways unremarkable. There is no special sign on their door, no special degree on their wall nor special look to their appearance. They are ordinary people who have chosen to rely on Someone else for their guidance and control of their lives. They know that in order to handle the anxiety, disappointments, stress, tragedies, evil in this world, prayer is the activity that is absolutely necessary.

Not that prayer is a magic pill. It is not, “say these incantations” and all will be well. Prayer is an honest, heart felt, sometimes heart wrenching conversation, plea, discussion even argument with the Creator of this world. It is also an opportunity to express our gratitude, praise as well as our concerns and petitions for others.

The women I know who are prayer warriors have experienced life in all its joys and sorrows. They have gone through Hell on earth yet know that it is only through prayer that they can carry on, survive and thrive. They know that it is only through prayer that we can do any good for others. They know that it is only through prayer that they will find peace.

On Sunday, one of our church members was sharing about her faith and her experience with prayer and anxiety and talked about Paul’s letter to the Philippians. She suggested that adding thanksgiving alongside with our petitions is a good mental health practice. The brain chemistry changes when we practice gratitude.

Yes. We should come to God with all of our problems, disappointments, hurts and sorrows but we also are well served if we come to God with our thanksgivings.

Just yesterday I was getting myself all anxious about the future. I think I had overloaded on Corona virus news. (Yes. Yes. I know. “Physician heal thyself”- I have written before about limiting the listening to that stuff!) I could feel my heart tightening, my belly churning and my breath becoming more rapid and shallow.

I took a deep breath and started talking out loud to God. Sharing my thoughts as they came as well as adding a praise word every so often. Funny thing, my one praise word, led to another and then to thoughts of things for which I was grateful. That one word led to a cascade of all sorts of thanksgiving.

What about you? How is your prayer life? Are you a prayer lion or kitten? Have you found prayer helpful in your life? If so, is it a continued practice? Do you talk to God about all things in your life- the good, the bad, the ugly? Why or why not?

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “(Philippians 4: 6,7)

One of my favorite quotes from Corrie ten Boom: “Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.” If only I can remember it!!!

How I suspect my prayer posture looks like…

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Yesterday my article, “Honor Thy Father” was published as a guest author on The Caregivers Space website.

Day 30: Words and Pictures: Blessing

Blessing: “the act or words of a person who blesses. a special favor, mercy, or benefit: a favor or gift bestowed by God, thereby bringing happiness. the invoking of God's favor upon a person: praise; devotion; worship, especially grace said before a meal: approval or good wishes”.

Are you a blessing to others? Do your actions provide a benefit to someone else?

We may not feel like we are a blessing to one another but each one of us has the potential. It doesn’t take much effort. After all, we may have already unbeknownst been a blessing through a kind word, a simple text, a thank you for small action or gift, a timely smile. Just think of small gestures that have touched your own heart, given you a smile, or put a little spring in your step. All those small things that bless us.

We also have the potential to bless others in larger ways to through the sharing of our resources-time, talents, treasure. Sometimes the larger ways demand more intentionality but like priming the pump- once we start, it becomes easier for our blessings to spill out to others.

We become part of a circle of blessing: We are blessed by God with good fortune, health, shelter. We can bless others because we have been blessed. They in turn bless others, etc, etc. All the blessings that we share with one another are a way to bless and thank God. As a parent, it warms my heart when I see our boys share with others their good fortune, when they bless and are a blessing to others.

What about you? Have you ever thought about blessings? Or is it something that you say before a holiday meal? Have you ever thought that the Creator of the world wants to bless you? And that God encourages you to bless others? What would that look like in your life?

Thank you for joining me on a 30 day journey of encouragement and inspiration using words and pictures. Thank you to those who sent me messages. They were words of blessing and encouragement to me. If I could be with each one of you I would offer you a hug of encouragement: Do not lose heart. Do not let the difficulties, the fears, the evil of this world sap your joy, your future, your life. Hang in there. Offer support and encouragement to others. We need one another more than ever.

Be a blessing today to someone else.

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Some words that I pray would bless and encourage you today:

Numbers 6: 24-26: The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; 26 the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

Psalm 121: I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

One of the health care workers for my mother-in-law and I have found a common interest in our love of God. She shared this youtube song with me. I like to just listen to the audio as I meditate. I offer it to you as my prayer for you. Click here to listen.

See you next week- when we return to Wednesday’s at the Well.

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• Click here to learn more about this work of art.

Day 29: Words and Pictures: Joy

Joy: “a feeling of great happiness; success or satisfaction.”

Joy and its synonyms- delight, bliss, felicity are some of my favorite words. What is not part of the definitions is the state in which joy may occur- joy may be present regardless of circumstances.

Contrary to many of the definitions, I also think that joy is not happiness although the feelings might seem the same, just like a thermostat is not a thermometer although both determine temperature.

A thermometer responds to the temperature around it. If the temperature is warm, the mercury rises. If it is cold, it plummets. Much like happiness. We are happy when our surroundings are pleasant, situations are hopeful, or our health is relatively good. We can become unhappy or miserable if we do not feel well, if we feel hopeless or if times are tough. Just like the outside temperature determines the response of the mercury, the outside conditions of life can determine if we are happy.

On the other hand, a thermostat controls the temperature of the surroundings. It determines the degree of heat or air conditioning that is needed to flow in order to achieve a preset room temperature. It is not controlled by its external surroundings but is internally controlling the temperature. Much like joy.

Joy is a preset state of mind. We sometimes have to choose joy first, before we “feel” it. Joy happens when you are least aware of it or least wanting it to occur. I have heard of many people say that even in the middle of a difficult crisis or struggle there is a peace and joy in their heart.

I know that there have been times when if I just went by the chaotic external circumstances of life I could be justifiably miserable but because I had chosen to concentrate on joy, I felt surprisingly at peace. I wouldn’t say that I am an ebullient (cheerful, full of energy) individual all the time, but my nature leans more towards that than not. Partly it could be my personality, upbringing, etc. But I think a good part of it is because God is in control of my life and that gives me a peace that passes all understanding. I wouldn’t be so bold as to say that I feel that way all the time. Everyday it is the daily sanctification of choosing God in my life, of choosing God’s will over my own, of trusting God with all the details of my life, of letting God control my “thermostat” and of choosing joy.

“Jesus did not promise to change the circumstances around us. He promised great peace and pure joy to those who would learn to believe that God actually controls all things.” ~ Corrie ten Boom. (Survivor of the Holocaust, went on to become one of the great saints in this world, an inspirational speaker and author.)

“Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” ~Rick Warren. (Pastor and author who is not a stranger to struggles and tragedy.)

What about you? Are you a thermometer or thermostat? Happy? Or joy-filled? In the middle of all this individual, national and global uncertainty, who do you think is in control?

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Because of copyright, I wouldn’t post a picture of Henri Matisse’s Joy of Life (Le Bonheur de Vivre). Click here to see an interesting video about it.

Click here for more information about Corrie ten Boom.

Click here for more information about Rick Warren and to read his daily devotional.

Day 28: Words and Pictures: Peace

Peace. freedom from disturbance; tranquility. The Bible’s definition: šālôm, translated in the Septuagint most often by the Greek word, eirēnē, has a wide semantic range including the notions of totality or completeness, success, fulfillment, wholeness, harmony, security and well being. 

Are you at peace today? In looking at the words of the definition- tranquility, security, well being, it would appear through social media, news reports and anecdotally through my own discussions with friends and family, that most people are feeling at odds and not peaceful at all.

I find peace to be paradoxical. There are times when I should be anxious and unsettled and I am not. I feel calm and peaceful. When there is a big crisis or problem, I can be clear headed, compartmentalize what needs to be done and dive right in. I wouldn’t say that I am the best in crisis and I would never boast about it (partly for fear that through some cosmic whammy I would be given a whopper of a problem) but I have experienced and witnessed enough to know that I could (and have) survive(d) through some big issues.

At other times, the littlest pebble of disruption will ripple my still pond. I get anxious, upset and irritable. Those days I do not handle the small things well. AT ALL. There is no peace in my life (and I am afraid in my household) on those days.

How do we cultivate peace? How can we be free from disturbances in our minds and actions? How do we promote peace? To move toward wholeness and harmony?

For me it is all about my faith. Not in me or anything I can do but in God and what He has and can do. It is all about letting go of control.

This pandemic has taught me a bunch of lessons and one of the biggest is about control. In some ways the big things are easier for me to relinquish control. Since there is no way I can do anything about circumstances, like the spread of the corona virus and subsequent shut-down of society, I am for the most part not worrying about it. But, the small things like planning when/if we can travel to our Cape house to get it ready to rent this summer is something about which I am unsettled. It is hard for me to just let things go and unfold without my “input” and not have a plan which I have constructed.

I am comforted by the words of Jesus: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” When I trust that God has things in control- both big and small- I am at peace. The peace that Jesus gives us is the shalom, the wellbeing and harmony of being reconciled with God. Part of that reconciliation is recognizing that we are not perfect people and we cannot have peace within ourselves or others apart from God.

It is not a once and done thing. It is a daily sanctification of choosing to let God be in control, to let Him be the guide and in charge of my thoughts, actions and reactions. It is letting Jesus’ peace seep into my very marrow. It is being, at times, counter intuitive to what the world says: trust no one, look out for #1, do whatever it takes to survive, you are in control. The thing is, that type of thinking only makes us anxious and disturbed because sooner or later we will realize that we cannot control life, that we need one another and that looking out for only ourselves (and doing whatever we want and not being considerate of others) is very lonely and potentially deadly (as this virus has shown).

While Jesus also reminded his followers that there will be trouble and difficulties in this life, the ideal of a peaceable kingdom can begin now- heaven on earth until such time when there will be a new heaven and earth. I can be part of the building of that peaceable kingdom by offering shalom to others: to aid one another in achieving wholeness, to promote harmony among people, to encourage each one of us to be reconciled with God.

What about you? Peaceful today? In this moment that I am writing this post, I can say that I do feel at peace. While I know that unsettling circumstances are swirling around me, I am choosing to not let my heart be troubled. I am choosing to accept the peace that Jesus gives me. I am choosing to be a peace-maker.

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Click here to learn more about the painting.

Edward Hicks painted many versions of The Peaceable Kingdom, taking the theme from a passage from the Book of Isaiah, 11:6-8, which tells of all the animals gathering together in harmony. Hicks recast the Biblical text as a poem:

The wolf did with the lambkin dwell in peace.

His grim carnivorous nature there did cease

The leopard with the harmless kid laid down

And not one savage beast was seen to frown

The lion with the fatling on did move

A little child was leading them in love.

Day 27: Words and Pictures: Essence

Essence. “the intrinsic nature or indispensable quality of something, especially something abstract, that determines its character; the most significant element, quality, or aspect of a thing or person.”

If someone were to describe you, what is your most significant quality? What would be your “essence”?

I heard two different stories recently that made me wonder about this idea of essence and if that is something that transcends and stays with us even as we change.

Amy Grant tells a story she heard from her friend. This friend had a young twenty-something niece who died in a car accident. The niece was an avid letter writer, to the point that when her church was waiting for the youth pastor to arrive in the fall, the niece sent him letters throughout the summer describing the various kids and families to him as a “get to know” type of prep. Tragically, the niece died unexpectedly over Labor Day weekend and so never got to personally meet the youth pastor. However the youth pastor gave her eulogy because through those letters he had gotten to know her. The other quality of the niece was her reaction to music in church. She was one who could not just listen to hymns and church music and keep her hands in her lap. She had to raise her hands in the air even though she was the only one doing it in her staid, conservative church.

Years later the niece’s family received a letter from the fifty year old man who received the girl’s heart. He expressed his gratitude for his life gift from her and the family as well asked a couple of questions. He said that he was a simple man with a simple education and never had written a letter before in his life yet since receiving the heart he found he wrote letters all the time- to friends, children, grandchildren. He wanted to know if she wrote letters? Also, he wondered what she did in worship since he could not contain his arms during music, he would raise his hands in the air. Again, something that he would’ve never done before receiving the heart.

What was it about the essence of that girl that found its way into the memory of hers/now his heart?

I also heard a snippet of a rebroadcast of a radio show I had heard a while back (see blog post September 16, 2016 ) It was talking about the change of a caterpillar to butterfly, seemingly two different organisms. Is there something of the first, some essence, that embeds into the second?

The radio show gave the example of an experiment done at Georgetown University. Can moths remember what happened to them as caterpillars? The scientists took caterpillars and exposed them to a noxious gas- something that smelled awful- while giving them a little shock. They did this enough times that it created an aversion for the caterpillars to the smell. With another group of caterpillars, they did not do anything. Both sets of caterpillars went through the pupae stage- which dissolves their bodies and their brains- and emerged as moths. They then exposed both the two groups of moths to the same noxious smell. The moths who as caterpillars hadn’t been exposed to the smell weren’t affected but the group of moths who as caterpillars had been shocked with the smell, avoided the stench as moths. Seemed like something in their transformation remained in their memory.

Both stories made me think: what would remain about me if my surroundings changed? Would people recognize me from before? What is the essence of my character?

What about you? Do you feel that there is anything worth saving from “before”? What does the before and after look like for you? Sometimes it is a before/after of physical transformation- before/after weight gain or loss, before/after surgery, before/after illness. Sometimes it is a before/after religious experience- before/after becoming a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim. Sometimes it is a before/after behavioral lifestyle change- before/after quitting a harmful substance or addictive behavior. Or a before/after a situational change- before/after a death, marriage, birth.

Whatever the change might be, what makes you- you?

The psalmist declares that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. As we were knit in our mother’s womb, God knew all about us. He knows the very hairs on our head. If we are made in God’s image, I imagine that what remains, regardless of circumstances is our specific essence of God. Each one of us expresses an attribute of the total God (which is why we need community).

Perhaps when we are transformed by Him into what He intended for us from the beginning, we become more our authentic true self. We become a deeper, fuller expression of the essence of ourselves and part of the bigger, deeper and fuller expression of God.

Day 26: Words and Pictures: Floating

This past week, my nephew wrote and preached about a concept of top-down versus bottom-up thinking. The premise is that as humans in general and Americans in particular we view our lives as top-down. We have an ideal of perfection and anything short of that is substandard which causes us to be discontent, unhappy and dissatisfied with what we have. We feel entitled to the perfect ideal and shortchanged if that doesn’t occur. Contrary, if we are grateful and thankful for whatever we have, we are more likely to be appreciative, content and joyful in our lifestyle.

I think he is on to something. It is not that we shouldn’t have goals and targets but that we should start in a place of appreciation of our lives, of our circumstances, and of our material possessions. There are so many blessings that we do not even give consideration: trash pick up; water from the tap; light when we flip a switch, etc. One thing this pandemic has done for many is to open our eyes to a whole new world of workers: the faceless person behind the convenient store counter or the never-before-given- eye-contact grocery store checker or re-stocker. People and work for whom and for which we should be grateful.

It makes me think of the annual world happiness report- a “survey of the state of global happiness that ranks 156 countries by how happy their citizens perceive themselves to be.” The Nordic countries seem to be in the top tier every year. I have heard it said that one of the reasons they are so happy is that they have low expectations. While the actually report doesn’t say that expressly, they did report under the Nordic exception that research has “consistently shown that social comparisons matter for well-being…This is corroborated by findings according to which status anxiety, defined as the fear of failing to conform to the ideals of success laid down by society, tends to be lower in Nordic countries compared to most other countries measured.” It seems as if our Nordic counterparts aren’t too worried about failing to hit the perfectionism mark. “In assessing how good their lives are, humans often compare their own lives to the lives of those around them. This makes people’s subjective perception of their position in society more predictive of well-being than objective measures such as income.” The report goes on to explain, “ seems possible that keeping up with the Joneses doesn’t carry as much weight in Nordic countries as in the US and many other countries.”

Isn’t that a bottoms-up type thinking? If I am focused and grateful on what I have, I won’t be concerned with what someone else has and I won’t be setting a unrealistic standard and goal for myself.

It is the old adage of the half-empty or half-full glass. Those with the half-empty would say that they need to do everything possible to have a full glass. After all, isn’t that the standard? There isn’t much rest- mentally or physically until that measurement happens.

The half-full would see that the glass has a fair amount of water in it already and while making plans to fill it up, would be stopping to have a sip, to enjoy the refreshing liquid along the way.

Have you ever noticed that if the gas tank is on the 1/2 to full side of the gauge, it seems to take a long time for it to move downward? But if the indicator is between the 1/2 to empty side, it seems to go very quickly regardless if the same amount of miles are driven? I am sure that the miles per gallon is the same on either side of the half way point but my perception doesn’t share that. If we view life with an attitude of appreciation and positivity, we are more likely to “enjoy the ride”.

There are times however, when all the positivity just cannot carry us. The thing about the half-empty and half-full glass of water is that sometimes, we don’t even want to think about the water level. Life is too difficult or depressing or disturbing to worry about contemplating our viewpoint from either bottom or top. We don’t even know which way is up or down. We feel that we are floundering. We are beyond worry and anxiety and certainly are no where near a place of contentment or happiness.

When that happens, what do you do? Have you found that you feel like you are floundering while experiencing this pandemic?

I recently texted with a friend about that foundering feeling. We all get it. Whether it is from a point of overwhelming stress, anxiety, grief or dramatic life change, it still can feeI the same- trying to keep one’s head above the waves, treading water as fast as one can, yet still getting knocked in the nose and mouth with a snoot full of brine. When those times happen to me, I imagine myself floating. That is the thing with treading water- if you feel tired and need a little reprieve, you can always turn onto your back and float. Of course, floating isn’t a sustainable action- it won’t get you anywhere but it can offer some respite from kicking and windmilling below the water surface. Even if we are trying to reset our viewpoint from top to bottom, floating is the time for renewing our minds.

What about you? Do you need to float for a little while? Give yourself permission to do so. And then, when feeling refreshed, come back to viewing your life situation from a bottoms-up perspective- looking at what blessings you have in your life- big or small and enjoying them as you go along.

Recently discovered photo of me at our beloved Cape Cod. While I am not floating per se, I am taking a respite. As only a three-year-old (I think that was my age?) can do.

Day 25: Words and Pictures: Diaries

What comes to mind when you think of a diary? A school girl’s pink book with a “security” lock on the side?

I am a life-long, half-hearted diarist. I am not nor have ever been a regular journal writer. I go in waves and my content has always been brain dumps. Whatever is on my mind, whatever I am processing or learning shows up on the pages. My only regret is that my handwriting is so poor even now as I reread, even things I wrote yesterday, I sometimes wonder what did I write? I have always had my thoughts run faster than my hands.

I have some of my old notebook/diaries from when I was a kid. They contain the typical kid angst- mad at siblings for some “injustice”, wishing certain things would happen, getting chosen for a lead in a play, choir solo, winning a competition, feelings about friends. I would write about spiritual things too and my understanding of the time of what Bible stories meant to me.

Currently, I journal about everything. I tried having separate books for my writing ideas, for my Bible reading and personal application, and just general life details. Unfortunately I find that numerous books are too much trouble, similarly to when I have too many lists going. The only problem with dumping everything in one place is that it is hard to reference or find an idea that I want to explore.

I was fascinated by the article in last Sunday’s New York Times about diaries found- specifically Dutch diaries from WWII. The Dutch minister of education, Gerrit Bolkestein appealed to the citizens to preserve their diaries and letters. “Only if we succeed in bringing this simple, daily material together in overwhelming quantity, only then will the scene of this struggle for freedom be painted in full depth and shine” . Many are familiar with Anne Frank’s account of her war years. Included in the article were others who described their respective war years- the invasion of the Netherlands, what the day to day life was like in the concentration camp, the famine during the blockades. While diaries used to be seen with disdain as too biased in presenting history, there is now a new recognition of their importance in understanding points of time in our history.

In addition to Anne Frank, I am familiar with Winston Churchill, Nelson Mandela, Captain Scott but I never knew that the author of Robinson Crusoe wrote a dairy about the Great Plague of London of 1665. Daniel Defoe was only five during the plague but he wrote in vivid detail the progress of the disease and the desperate attempts to stop it. What a timely read if I have the courage.

In thinking about diaries, it would be important for us to put on paper what we are witnessing and experiencing. I think it would be helpful not only for ourselves as we process this unusual period in history but also as a first person witness for future generations.

In moving my mother-in-law to an assisted living apartment, we had to downsize her current place. We found old calendars that contained small diary-type entries. Most were daily habits and activities, “dinner with B & C; Knicker’s (family bunny) gave birth today; J’s birthday celebrated with mother and dad,” Some were sad, “Mother died today @ hospital” (How I wished there were more details and feelings about it.) Earlier calendars had entries from her father containing what, from where and cost of any household item- from appliance to hand tool. These snippets give a fuller picture and experience to the verbal stories and the black and white photos and round out family memories.

Journals can also settle family debates. I think it was Madeleine L’Engle who said her journals were helpful when the family would argue over a particular happening. When one person would insist that such and such occurred and the other family member insisted that something else happened, she could pull out her dated journal entries to “settle” the debate. There are some things that cannot be googled.

I am thinking of journaling more about this pandemic experience. Not from any profound, philosophical standpoint but rather from a catalogue about the small day-to-day details: making and wearing masks, the phenomenon of youtube/facebook live streams and zoom chats, walking and social distancing.

What about you? Have you ever kept a diary? Do you still? What is in it? Why do you keep one? For future generations? As a coping mechanism for stressful times? As a remembrance of events- good and bad?

The physical act of writing on paper can help us process our anxiety, fears, and plans. It doesn’t have to be great prose. Just a list or phrase will do. One can use an “official” journal, or notebook pages or calendar entry. It might be a series of written letters never sent.

Whether or not we will ever share them or not, it is helpful to have a physical remembrance of our specific time and experience on earth. You might even want to rid yourself of them at some point. I am thinking those childish ones might need to go some day. Although there is something to be gleaned even from rubbish diaries. While I am a far cry from being significant like her, I think it is a great loss that Queen Victoria’s original dairies from 1840 onward were mostly destroyed.

During this time at home, why not think about recording what is happening around you? For all you know, what you observe might be helpful to someone in the future.

Day 24: Words and Pictures: Share

My husband shared with me an interesting article that he had read on Deutsche Welle News online. It was an interview with an Israeli historian and professor. He was asked about the current global pandemic. As Professor Yuval Noah Harari observed, “I think the biggest danger is not the virus itself. Humanity has all the scientific knowledge and technological tools to overcome the virus. The really big problem is our own inner demons, our own hatred, greed and ignorance. I'm afraid that people are reacting to this crisis not with global solidarity, but with hatred, blaming other countries, blaming ethnic and religious minorities. But I hope that we will be able to develop our compassion, and not our hatred, to react with global solidarity, which will develop our generosity to help people in need. And that we develop our ability to discern the truth and not believe all these conspiracy theories. If we do that, I have no doubt that we can easily overcome this crisis.” **

I would agree with him and also add fear to the list of inner demons with which people are struggling.

The question becomes then, how do we combat that? How do we rise above our inner demons of hatred, fear, blaming others? How do we develop compassion?

I think we need to return to what we learned as children: we need to remember to share.

I read an interesting story. A reporter once asked a farmer why his corn won the state fair contest every year. The farmer revealed that it was because he shared his seeds with neighbors. The perplexed reporter wondered why. The farmer’s answer: “Sir, don’t you know? The wind picks up pollen from ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grew inferior corn, cross-pollination would degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbor do the same.”    

When we share we feel good. According to a 2008 Harvard Business School survey, when people give away money it lifts one’s spirits more than spending that money on oneself. When we share whatever we have, we feel that we have more than enough. We feel “wealthy”. We don’t have to feel scared that someone else will “get one over on us”, to feel that someone else is taking away that which we are entitled

When we share we are lifted out of ourselves- thinking about ourselves and our needs and wants- and begin to think of someone else. Would this thing that I am sharing help them in their situation? What we might be stewing and worrying about takes second place when we start thinking of others and how we can help them. I know that the best way for me to snap out of a funk is to help someone else- to share my time, (limited) talent and resources with them.

I think that sharing helps block those demons of hatred. On some level there is an invisible bond that is created when we share. How can one hate someone who has partaken in something that was yours? This thing that we have shared connects me to you- it might be an obligation or it could just be a mutual appreciation.

I was teary-eyed as I read the following letter that NY Governor Andrew Cuomo received and read on yesterday’s daily press briefing. Click here to see the video.

What about you? How do you counter the demons of this world? What heart stirring stories have you heard this week?

How can we get rid of the demons? Share. Be compassionate. Show humility. Remember that for each one of us, “by the grace of God go I”. We ARE in this all together.

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** Click here to read the article.

Day 23: Words and Pictures: Truth

I have been thinking about our trip to Italy a few years back. It was a wonderful trip with the family. We spent about 4 days in Rome, staying at a local apartment in the Monti neighborhood, one of the oldest sections in Rome located a few blocks from the Colosseum. We did the “touristy” things as well as our own travel plans.

So when in Rome… we took a tour of the Vatican Museum and the Sistine chapel. The artwork was exquisite. I find that only now as I look at interpretations and explanations of what we saw, that I truly appreciate that which I saw.

The Stanza della Segnatura, a room once the papal library, contains frescoes by Raphael. Click here for a link about the room. As the video explains, the room depicts the four branches of human knowledge as classified during the Renaissance time. One wall is dedicated to philosophy and sciences. Across the room another wall is painted representing theology. Poetry and Justice “squaring” out the room on the remaining walls. All four areas complement each other.

I like the symbolism of that. No one discipline is higher over the other but through the balance of all, do humans discover the world around themselves. The theologian Karl Barth is purported to have said, “A preacher needs newspaper in one hand and a Bible in the other.” I like Barth’s symbolism of seeing, understanding and interpreting the world around you in light of one’s faith.

In light of the assault on our physical, emotional, financial and spiritual health this virus has taken, perhaps we need to revisit the way we view our human understanding, to look at the way we interpret the world through the eyes of all four branches of human knowledge: Perhaps we should have more faith in the sovereignty of a deity, in unanswered prayer and unexplained miracles and certainly we should have more faith in our scientists and medical personnel who follow-trends, look at data and conduct research. So too, we should have more faith in poetry, literature, art, music and the arts as these disciplines can decipher, explain, and transcend our time and space. Along with those three, perhaps we need more faith and commitment to justice for all. It is in our searching in these disciplines do we uncover Truth.

Over the course of human history we have seen when one discipline of human understanding dominates at the expense of the others. When that happens, we as humans become off-kilter. I think of the Inquisition (theology or rather religion gone totally off-kilter); Nazi Germany (justice dominated- or rather injustice due to the silence of the other disciplines); Fall of Roman Empire leading into the Middle ages (many different reasons but the change in social structure didn’t lend to scientific discoveries); The Lost Generation (putting faith and trust into intellectual creativity). For all of these examples, there was more of an emphasis on one area in decision making for the society than another. There wasn’t any balance of Truth which was deadly at the worst and caused disillusionment at the least.

When I enter the Stanza della Santura I think of God in the center of the ceiling- joining all four walls together. Because I believe that all the disciplines flow out of God’s hands. Human intellect and how we categorize our understanding of the world is one of the greatest gifts we have been given. When He is in the apex all other things are balanced around Him. Then, I think the disciplines can be properly aligned to search for meaning and to uncover the truth.

What about you? Have you ever had a trip that stayed with you? That had you think of life in a different way? Where was it or what was the circumstances? What did you discover? How has that shaped your world view?

Day 22: Words and Pictures: Prayer

How are you doing?

Really.

In Sunday’s New York Times there is an article entitled “ Why am I having weird dreams lately?” which is apparently one of the most frequently asked questions online. When I saw that I laughed because my husband and I have been asking each other that question almost every morning. There are some speculations as to why: we have more time to sleep, meaning more and longer REM cycles in our sleep which equates to more dreams as occur during the REM cycles. We are experiencing a trauma, a change to our living situation that we haven’t seen on this global level before (the complete stopping of commerce). The closest to a global deprivation was over seventy years ago during the war. There is a lot of stress and worrying and brain processing that can get all jumbled up in sleep. My dreams are a combination of past homes- while I “know” they are my former houses, the layout in the dream is different-, places I have visited, former friends, family members both living and deceased. Occasionally they contain a “plot” of a book I have read.

Regardless the combination, the dreams contain people or places I haven’t thought about in years.

So many people I talk with say the same thing. They also feel time and circumstances are surreal. They do not know what day it is. Time feels odd. The days pass slowly yet another week will go by and no one knows exactly where the time went. Feelings range from unmotivated, feeling disconnected, floundering, anger, denial to appreciation of the slowed pace and the opportunity to “get some things done around the house.”

There are lots of positive and helpful reminders online and public service announcements to stay healthy- physically and mentally. But even with practicing that, I find that I still feel that disconnect. While the routine in our household hasn’t really changed much, both my husband and I work from home and continue to do so, the weight of the present situation bears down on us. I find that I could sleep all day if I let myself. While it has been nice to catch up on some sleep, I do not like the feeling of being unmotivated. I find the reworking of priorities has me going through mixed emotions- from “why bother?” to “let’s get it done”.

When I feel that way, I try to remember to pray. With the cancellation of evening meetings and activities, you would think that I would be spending a lot of time praying but I am having trouble concentrating. I have found that I do more pop-up prayers. I will be walking along and someone comes to mind; my remembrance of them leads to a “please be with such and such in their situation” type of prayer. Or that my prayers are the thoughts that I turn to God as I go along in my day. At times I will have a running conversation, then some silence- similarly as I would with any close relationship. The writer Anne Lamott has a book entitled, “Help. Thanks. Wow”. According to her, those are the three prayers that any of us need to say. Perhaps those are the only three prayers we can say in this moment in time.

There is a recent interview with Amy Grant where she speaks about her spiritual journey. She wonders what it would take that would make one respond to God. She had asked her husband for years- What is the thing that will take your breath away- what will it take to cause you to raise your arms and have you recognize that God exists and that He loves you? He responded to her in a song, “All my life I've known of Jesus, But that connection never came…And when my Amy prays, That's when my hands raise.”

Jesus prayed and modeled prayer for us. Paul reminds us to pray without ceasing. David prayed his heart to God. Moses prayed for deliverance of his people. The prophets prayed for improved circumstances as well as national repentance. All those who prayed in the Bible prayed as in a conversation with God. Sometimes we pray for ourselves. Sometimes we pray for others.

When times are tough and out of control, prayer is the only thing we can do. While I may still feel the disconnect, I know that prayer gives me connection to the One who is in control.

What about you? Are you having weird dreams? Do they keep you up? Are you worried and anxious about much? If you could tell the author of the universe your troubles and travails, what would you say? Why not try praying for each other? Ask a friend, partner or spouse. Pick a time and pray together- over the phone or send a written prayer via text or email. You never know what might happen. Maybe your prayers would be what it takes for another to raise her hands in awe and wonder at God’s grace.

May I pray for you? I cannot guarantee that it will be sit down, hands folded, head bowed kind of prayer, but I would be honored to pray for the things most heavy on your heart. If so, just send me an email. (virginiaruth010@gmail.com)

Day 21: Words and Pictures: Earth Day

When I was little I remember asking my mom, “if there is Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, how come there is not a Kids’ Day?” To which she replied, “because every day is kids’ day.”

Today is the fiftieth anniversary of Earth Day. Fifty years ago, Senator Gaylord Nelson recognized our deteriorating environment and thought to organize college students in some sort of protest. In developing a team, the plan was expanded to include all Americans. Originally it was a demonstration against industrialization and its impact on the environment and human health. While that is still at its core, Earth Day is now globally recognized as a “day of action to change human behavior and create global, national and local policy changes.”

I find it interesting that a world wide shut down has caused a change in our environmental rampage. Scientists say that East Coast of the US has about a thirty percent reduction in air pollution. The NYC skyline is much clearer since people are staying home and not out in their cars. Venice’s canals are clear enough that fish can be seen in them. Endangered hawksbill sea turtles on the now deserted beaches of Brazil are able to hatch without human interference.

All this change and unintended benefit has happened in quite a short amount of time. While it has been a dramatic pause, it makes me wonder what would happen if a smaller pause or change could occur monthly, weekly or daily. Rather than shutting down everything, what if individuals (or at least those who have the means of choice) decided to not use the car one or more days a week. Or to go meatless one day or more a week. Things that have been mentioned before by health advocates but never was implemented on such a scale as this forced pandemic.

We have seen through the spread of the corona virus that it can take just one to infect other people. The decision of one can fatally impact many.

A small action impacting a larger population.

If we all take one small step in our consumer behavior, there can be a large gain in improving our overall environment. Rather than being confining, I find that idea liberating- to know that each one of us in our small way can be part of a bigger picture and can contribute to the greater good.

What about you? Have you ever practiced small changes in your behavior? What happened? Do you ever feel that you are alone in your “sacrifices”? What small changes can you implement in order to improve the earth’s health?

If any good has come from this pandemic it should be the recognition that we are all together on this planet; that our individual actions do impact others; that we only have one showing in our life’s play and there is only one stage- our great big beautiful Earth.

In a way, every day is and should be Earth Day.

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Click here for Earth Day’s history.

Day 20: Words and Pictures: Diversions and Distractions

Can you tell what the above picture is? Perhaps you know the game- there is a magnified section of a common object and you have to guess what it is. There are different ways to play: 1) give a person a specific time to figure it out 2) disclose more and more of the object- perhaps 3 tries- before the answer is given. Either way it is something one can do with friends and family during this quarantined time.

As this stay in place continues, we might need more positive diversions. Here a some others:

1) Read a book together. One of our neighbors reads a bedtime story via Facetime to her grandchildren across town. Or, form your own online book club. Pick books that are easily downloaded from local library or order from local bookshops.

2) Make your own online class. Ask a friend to join you in watching online classes/instructions from youtube. I have mentioned before that there are instructional videos from well-known universities, museums, etc. Pick a class- learning a new language, basic philosophy, music or art appreciation, poetry or writing exercises. Pick a time when you will convene and share what you have learned or what you are creating.

3) Write a letter. Write a letter to someone who has made an impact in your life. Or, write a letter about your feelings during this Covid-19 episode. Whether you mail it or not, take the time and process of writing your thoughts on paper. You could also respond to Benedict Cumberbatch’s request for letters. Click here to see how to respond. On a side note- if you notice the bookshelf background, it appears that the books are arranged by color (do not know if that is the intention of the decorator). However if you like that type of look, Click here to see how you can get colored book covers.

What about you? What diversions and distractions are you employing? What have you seen online or heard your friends and neighbors talking about?

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* Answer to the above picture: In honor of our current pandemic- roll of toilet paper.

Day 19: Words and Pictures: Good

Good: Adjective: morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious: satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree; of high quality; excellent. Noun: profit or advantage; worth; benefit: excellence or merit; kindness:

It has been interesting during the pandemic to see different celebrities/personalities use the internet to deliver communication that is uplifting, positive and encouraging. While I mostly suspect it is being done to keep one’s name on the top of everyone’s list and to promote good PR (as there is such a thing as bad press), I find it interesting that it is being done nonetheless. How strange and refreshing it is that the majority of entitled, overindulged narcissistic individuals find that in times of crisis they turn to one another and values not bought with the Amex black card.

Actor John Krasinski has inaugurated a weekly SGN (Some Good News) youtube broadcast. I cannot tell his motivation- does he truly want to talk about good things happening with ordinary people rather than Hollywood and entertainment?- but he is recognizing hometown heroes and is trying to help those who have had to sacrifice something that was important to them due to the corona virus. The highlighted stories of the delivery people, the health care workers, grocery store folks reminds those who are providing the services, they are not forgotten and those who hear the stories to not forget that we are all in this together. I am sure that he hopes that one story of encouragement might lead to another person contributing to another story of encouragement and so on.

Isn’t that the way with good news? Bad news can spread like wild fire but good news can be the rain that puts the blaze out and contributes to the nurturing of the burnt ground. Bad news destroys but good news rebuilds. It rebuilds our faith in one another and ultimately can lead to rebuilding our faith in something/someone larger than ourselves.

In this past week’s segment, there is a little video shout-out from some members in the International Space Station. One of the astronauts, Dr. Andrew Morgan stated, “Earth in crisis is still a world worth returning to”. What a lovely and true sentiment. For all our problems and conflicts, the world is an interesting, beautiful, and wonderful place with interesting, beautiful and wonderful inhabitants. I think it is through crisis that defines and makes us: tension and conflict exposes vulnerability which exposes authenticity which aligns connectivity and community. That brings about the good in people and society.

What about you? Have you seen any of the celebrity youtube broadcasts? Where have you seen the greatest good happening in your community?

Day 18: Words and Pictures: Notice

Notice: the fact of observing or paying attention to something. To notice: become aware of.

When our boys were little and we went on our daily walks, I used to pay more attention to my surroundings. I think partly it was to be able to point out flora and fauna or the latest digging equipment or animal. If I hadn’t spied something before them, I would soon be made aware of it with the, “what’s that, mommy?” inquiry. But I think the reason I could notice things around me was because I had time. At that point in our lives I was taking a hiatus in my “career” to be at home with them. The pattern of our days was unhurried.

Lately I feel as if that luxury of time has been returned through this global pause in activity with the corona virus. In the daily walks with the dogs we see more people out walking and are able to have more leisurely (socially distanced) conversations. Unlike before the pandemic when we would rush home with the hope to complete our canine rounds before the next outing, our current evening walks are not rushed. The global pause gives us daily pause.

The following are pictures of items I have seen on my dog walks. Not overly exciting but they are things that I have noticed.

What about you? Have you had a chance to get outside? For even a few moments? Or for a longer walk around your neighborhood? What have you seen? What have you noticed?

Bleeding hearts. String of “heart lights”.

Ah violets. (tucked among chickweed, clover and grass) Reminds me of my grandmother. It was she who let me eat them. (She was an Euell Gibbons fan)

The young artist was out on her yard and was pleased as punch that I asked her if I could take the picture. She was glad someone noticed.

The remaining daffodils. Most of them have already past their blooms but this one… either a late bloomer or a tenacious survivor. Hmm. Must be a lesson there somewhere…?

Day 17: Words and Pictures: Live for Today

Courtesy of visitgreece.gk website.

In our neck of the woods we have been “sheltering in place” for over a month. In some ways it seems a lot longer than that. It is hard to remember a time “before”- before empty grocery shelves, decreased road traffic, public face masks, social distancing. There are certain markers that remind me when this began: the news reports on the television in my mother-in-law’s hospital room, the first Sunday of “no church”; the beginning of daily drives of a friend to the hospital for appointments and procedures and our discussions of pandemic plans.

How much of our lives are remembered by such markers? “The afternoon I broke my wrist, the day mom died, the day of the diagnosis, the night of the phone call, the morning Fido died.”

In a short amount of time, our world and its view becomes changed. Even my physical view has become very limited to what I see outside my office window, the square images of blurry faces on zoom calls, the weekly trip to the grocery store.

It wasn’t until yesterday when I was contemplating standing in a grocery store line entrance (decided the hour long wait just to enter, not even knowing if what I planned to buy was in stock, was not worth the items) that I truly realized this might be the long haul; there is no going back to the way things were.

We have been watching The Durrells of Corfu as a nightly diversion. A fun, entertaining story set on the spectacularly beautiful Greek island of Corfu, it shows the life of the eccentric English Durrell family who lived there for about five years leading up to WWII. As we watch the show unfold, there is a sadness in my heart knowing that for the real Durrells as they lived during this time, they had no idea of what would befall them or the world in the future. I want to shout at the TV, “Enjoy what you are experiencing now, because in a couple of years all hell will break loose.”

It makes me hyper aware of what is going on in this world. Will we look back at the beginning of this pandemic and think, “If only we knew how good it was during these first few months. We had no idea of what was going to hit us”? In the first week I was worried about getting the extra items from downsizing my mother-in-laws apartment to the Salvation Army store before all closures happened. Now, worrying about our son and his fiance’s health in the thick of it outside NYC is much more of a concern.

Yet for all the time markers that remind us of what was and how it used to be, there are time markers that remind of us what is possible and what might be in the future: the day a baby is born, a family member gets married, the day a job starts, the email of the school acceptance.

The thing is, there will always be a melancholy for what is missed and what was. That is not a bad thing. It is important to remember our past and the lessons learned. If we do not contemplate what happened before and its cause and effect, we are in danger of repeating the happening. But I think that there is an even sadder situation if there is a missing of the future because of the continued remembrance of the past. I have heard it explained that if we try driving a car by only looking in the rear-view mirror, we will definitely have an accident as we accelerate forward.

While we have been going through this for over a month and we may be enduring this for more months to come, I do not want to only be thinking of what could have been or things that have been missed.

Not that my broken wrist is on the scale of a pandemic, but the time since last November when I broke it, have been times of wondering- “what could’ve been, what I have missed, what I will miss because of it, if only…” As I have moved through the healing of my wrist and recognizing that things may never be exactly as they once were, I am also in a newer place because of it. I have a new friend in the once-acquaintance who helped me immensely in my physical therapy regime. The broken wrist led to other surgeries that I had been putting off but desperately needed. I have a better appreciation for those who go through physical pain. The healing time for the wrist provided me time to regroup and consider my own work and my dedication to it.

We do not know what the future brings. This pandemic has underscored that we need to hold our future plans loosely. But that doesn’t mean one needs to be fearful of the future. Sure, things can deteriorate but they can also improve. While our past molds and shapes us, it doesn’t have to cement us into a permanent segment of time.

The story of the Durrells did not end in Corfu. Yes, they endured WWII and life changed dramatically for them. Perhaps they pined for those idyllic days but they had to move on. However, the experiences from Corfu helped define their future: Gerald Durrell wrote delightful memoirs of his time there and the outdoor explorations he experienced led him to become one of the world’s first conservationists.

What about you? Do you have remembrances that are marked by certain events? How does that shape your outlook? Do you “drive your life” looking in the rear-view mirror or looking ahead? How can you enjoy today without clinging to yesterday and worrying about tomorrow?

I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 3: 11-14: “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”

Day 16: Words and Pictures: Art

And now for something completely different… (well, not totally)

One purpose in our 30 Days of Inspiration is to have a moment for thinking about our lives in a different way. Perhaps re-set our focus. Perhaps give us a diversion. Perhaps give us a new direction.

Click here for an activity from National Gallery of Art. Give it a try. While one exercise is designed to look at art with a family member suffering from memory loss, I think the questions and ideas can apply to anyone. You may even want to “poke around” the NGA’s website for other works of art to ponder. Hopefully it will give you some type of reprieve from the monotony of the days. Might even give you a chance to look around you in a different way. I know that art gives me a different perspective.